ZAFT of the radiance
by aliastheabnormal
Summary: The amazing adventures of the washed up protagonist trio of Gundam Seed. And their assorted adventures alongside many others from all around the universe. The people and places in this series are works of fiction. The views and situations presented here do not match those of its associates and are merely acts of satire and/or drama.
1. Chapter 1: Can you feel the sunshine?

**ZAFT of the radiance**

Inside Dr. Weird's lab, somewhere in the South Jersey coast. "Dr. Weird: Gentlemen, behold! My new assistant, Steve made of wood! The shutter next to Dr. Weird opens revealing Geno." "Its Geno you retard. And why was I here again?" "Dr. Weird: Because you can't keep dodging creditors like you've been doing for years, now that the FBI and the cartels are out for your ass." "Geno: (sob) Don't rub it in... (cries)" "Dr. Weird: Hey, don't cry! I've got some kerosene laden martinis for you." "Geno: I'll take three dozen..."

Three dozen shots and some irreparable brain damage later... "Geno: (laughs insanely while obviously drunk) (starts singing reach for the stars out of tune) The stars feel so briiiigggghhhttt! The colors feel s..so right! I'm tripping balls, hahahaha! I don't even know what I'm doing! (in a slur while looking at a wooden chair) Holy god, Hotness I wanna bang you!" Geno then starts humping the chair with Dr. Weird censoring the act with his body.

**Chapter 1: Can you feel the sunshine**

**Written by Aliasoddity**

We find our heroes Kira Yamato, Athrun Zala and Shinn Asuka, at the drunken piss bar. Appraising their current situation... "Athrun: So, you two got dumped too? (takes a sip of brandy)" "Shinn: (drinks a Heineken) Yeah, apparently Luna had enough of my emo whining... and criminal tendencies, kicked me out and started going out with Rey. That ass! I thought he was my friend! Now I'm getting drunk. (glares at Kira angrily) WITH HIM." "Kira: (choking back tears anime style) (sob) I'm a good boy!" "Kira is a good boy! (Kira downs his 12th bottle of Tequila, pukes and passes out, collapsing on the floor.)" "Shinn: Dammit Athrun! How in the hell do you put up with him! I've got half a mind to kick his ass! (bangs his fists at the table) Screw the plot" shield! "Athrun: Calm down Shinn, seriously. Anyway we have nowhere to live. Malchio's house was blown up, Murrue, Mu and Watfield are trying to kill each other over who gets the mansion, Yzak hates me, that jealous bastard."Shinn: What about Dearka?" "Athrun: Have you seen his house!" " Shinn: Not really..." "Athrun: Because it melted in its own filth. That's why Yzak hates me. We made a betting pool on how Dearka would destroy his tenth apartment. Yzak bet that giant mutant roaches would blow it up, Shino bet that the apartment would collapse due to the weight of all the empty pizza boxes. Even Djibril was in on the bet. "Shinn: (surprised) Djibril? What did he bet on?" "Athrun: That Oscar the Grouch would kick his ass, drive him out, throw a giant party, and wreck the place during the shootout with the cops, due to the noise complains by the neighbors as well as the LSD stench" "Shinn: Dearka does drugs?" "Athrun: NO, Oscar does. Have you SEEN Sesame street? Oscar lives in the trash, Elmo is a total retard, Bert and Ernie are totally into gay bondage, Big bird is a dimwitted man-child, and Grover is clearly insane and delusional. If they don't use at least pot, i don't know how they got that way." "Shinn: I suppose it could be the asbestos and lead paint. Anyway, we got some money. You sold the patent rights to birdy, Kira mooched off Lacus for years, and i am a professional card counter and made $2.5 million before the Vegas cops got suspicious and i had to skip town. So lets buy a mansion and live together!" "Athrun: Not a bad idea! Our own house! We'll wait until Kira sobers up and start looking."

The next day. In a sunny neighborhood of high class houses. The three coordinators are talking to Beecha Oleg, a brash redheaded man who now works selling real estate. After the Birch corporation took all the junk salvage contracts and left him out of business. Beecha: So what do you think? pretty sweet huh? 20 rooms, 5 bathrooms, 2 kitchens, a game room, outdoor Olympic pool, and even a garden! Its got central air, satellite link up for TV and internet, bomb shelter and robot slaves. "Shinn: (amazed) Wow! this is so cool! can we keep it?" "Kira: (depressed) Yeah... this is nice... i mean... its not... like... i cant... WAAAAAHHHH!" "Beecha (shocked) What's his deal?" "Athrun: Well, our girlfriends broke up with us at the same time and kicked us out. Me and Shinn let it go, but Kira isn't handling the break up to well." "Kira: (talking thru tears) WHY LACUS? WHY? I'VE TRIED MY BEST! WHY CAN'T ANYONE UNDERSTAND!" "Athrun: (sighs exasperatedly) GODDAMNIT KIRA! SHUT UP OR I SWEAR I WILL GRAB YOUR IPOD AND SHOVE IT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS, THAT THE SONG CRAWLING IN MY SKIN WILL PLAY EVERY TIME YOU GO TO THE TOILET!" Kira immediately shuts up and goes to hide in a corner while everyone else lies in shock at Athrun's unusual loss of temper. "Athrun: So how much does it cost?" "Beecha: $500 down payment and a 10 year pay off plan of $200 per month." "Athrun: That's... surprisingly affordable...

What's the catch?" "Beecha commented "Some nut job refused to pay, something about a "curse of the Tails doll" or something. How retarded is that anyway?" "Athrun: I suppose, we'll take it!" "Excellent choice sir! (turns around and whispers) Suck it Judau! I sold it before you did! (starts to laugh louder and louder until everyone was staring in concern) (coughs while regaining composure) Sorry about that. I'll get the papers right away!" Meanwhile inside the mansion, an eerie force stirred inside as two beady eyes sported out from the darkness, and a shining red light appeared above them it was the Tails doll. "Tails doll: Can you feel the sunshine?" 

Some days later, our heroes Kira, Athrun and Shinn have obtained their belongings and have finished moving in. The trio are picking rooms as they get used to the house. "Shinn: (excited) Dude! This is awesome!" "Kira: (cheered up somewhat) Yeah, i feel better now. Its enough to make get over the fact that i caught my twin sister and ex-girlfriend doing it in my bedroom. (tears up) And, they ignored me when i caught them... (wails and runs to his room)" Athrun shows up only to see Kira run off to his room and locking the door "Athrun: (sighs dejectedly) Where is the Clorox around here i wonder?" "Shinn: (surprised) Dude you're gonna drug him?" "Athrun: No, I'm just cleaning the bathroom" "Tails doll: (appearing behind the duo taking them by surprise) Can you feel the sunshine?" "Shinn: (yelling in fear) Holy shit! Its the Tails doll!" "Athrun: (in a curious tone) The what?" Shinn: The Tails doll! An evil doll created in the world of Sonic the hedgehog forums. Its supposed to have demonic superpowers, and lives by sucking out the souls of his victims." "Athrum: (cockily) He doesn't seem so though. I bet i can kick his ass."

30 seconds and a huge graphic beating later so horrid its been censored by the FCC and 4kids. The duo is hiding in the mansions basement, locked in, horribly maimed and quivering in fear. "Aliasoddity: 4kids are assholes." "Shinn: HOW THE HELL DO WE BEAT THAT THING?" "Kira: (appearing out of nowhere) Maybe we should be friends with him." "Shinn: (annoyed) That is retarded. and how did you show up?" "Kira: We're Gundam seed characters whose personalities have been warped for comedic effect, that live in a Beverly hills mansion, haunted by a bit Sonic R character, which was sold for peanuts by Beecha Oleg. Just turn your brain off and enjoy the craziness." "Shinn: (amazed) That...was the first logical thing you said in the whole series, wow." "Athrun: OK, we need to brainstorm, I'll try and stop him first, then Shinn, then Kira.

Upstairs, Athrun goes forth to battle Tails Doll, armed with a Poltergust 3000 he bravely faces against Tails doll. "Tails doll (smugly) So, come back for another whupping?" "Athrun: (confidently) Ha! I'll beat you, with this!" Athrun pulls out the Poltergust, turns it on and starts to use it on Tails doll, the suction continues for 10 minutes to no effect. After the tenth minute Athrun stops. "Tails doll: Ha! is that all you got?" "Athrun throws holy water, garlic, a silver cross and the vampire killer at Tails doll at great speed. None of the items have any effect only angering Tails doll who proceeds to use firaga on Athrun igniting his hair. Athrun runs away with his burning hair back to the basement."

Back at the basement Shinn and Kira look in shock at Athrun who has ended up bald. Kira after seeing this is crying, while Shinn ends up laughing like crazy. After a few minutes of mockery Shinn goes up to defeat Tails doll after being smacked in the face by Athrun. Upstairs Shinn confronts Tails doll who is unfazed at his challenger. "Shinn: Tails doll! My name in Shinn Asuka! (suddenly a Big Zam show up from the sky readying its mega particle cannon) And this is a gun all due to the power of fire. Tails doll counters with an Alpha Aizeru. Oh yeah? now THIS is a gun! Shinn: (pulling out the Gadelaza) Oh yeah? Well THIS, THIS is a gun! Tails doll: And THIS is the knights of YTMND summon! Suck it down! One winged angel begins to play as he is summarily beaten senseless by Leroy Jenkins, Darth Vader, Sean Connery, LOLZ cat, ORLY owl, Lex Luthor, Jean Luc Picard, the pink haired pedo chick from Lazytown, Bill Cosby, Conan O'Brien, Ronald McDonald, Captain Kirk, AoSTH Sonic the Hedgehog and bike stealing nigga.

Back in the basement Athrun regrew his hair and along with Kira were in awe at Shinn covered in a full body cast. Shinn: That sucked... And how did you regrow your hair? Never mind. Athrun: Well Kira, now its your turn. Nice knowing ya! Kira leaves to do battle with the Tails doll, he faces the Tails Doll unflinchingly in an epic final showdown. Tails doll: What do you want? I already crushed your two buddies! How can you beat me the almighty Tails doll! Bow down before me loser! Kira: Well, i was wondering if you would like to be my friend? Tails doll (shocked) what? Kira: Well you see my girlfriend left me and... Tails doll interrupting Kira comments You too? I know how you feel! I also got dumped by Cream doll. She left to be with Iris doll! Kira: (with large teary anime eyes) Really? Me too! Friends? Tails doll: (Also with large teary anime eyes) Friends! Athrun and Shinn watch the whole episode in total shock and amazement. Shinn: What... just happened?" Athrun: I have no idea...

Later in the living room The now foursome are sitting in chairs with Shinn's body cast removed. When suddenly a knock on the front door appears. The four go to the door where they find a clean cut man with a fake angel wing on his back, a leather jacket and an exposed chest. He said "Greetings friend, i am from Jenova's witnesses and..." The man is stopped as Tails doll shoots him with a beam from his jewel which sucks out the man's soul consuming it as everyone else witnesses. Athrun: "Tails doll, i think you're gonna fit in fine." 

**To be continued...**


	2. Chapter 2: Extended neighborhood

**ZAFT of the radiance**

Inside Dr. Weird's lab, somewhere in the South Jersey coast. Geno along with the janitor Jose look at Dr. Weird's left behind gold W medallion. Intently staring Geno grabs it and puts in on. Jose Oye, se- Stan Lee: (pausing the action) Hello true believers! Since our audience is composed mainly of Americans and Americans are dumb and lazy. How else would George W. Bush get a second term legally in the first place? We will translate all Spanish commentary into English with my handy Universal-ly lazy translator! So read on, Excalibur! (web swings out of the screen) Jose: Hey, sir, are you sure we should be doing this? The other guy got eaten when he tried that. And got blown up by tacos, for some reason... Geno: I'm made of wood! How is he gonna kill me? Dr. Weird appears behind Geno and breathes fire on him causing an explosion that reduces him to nothing leaving only the medallion.

**Chapter 2: Extended neighborhood**

**Written by Aliasoddity**

Its a peaceful day in Beverly Hills, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the Crips and the Bloods are currently out of town in a Harley convention, killing each other. We find Kira Yamato is exiting outside along with Tails doll to get some air. Outside Kira and Tails doll begin singing "Can you feel the sunshine? As it brightens up your day? Can you feel the good times? There's no need to run away! Reach out for the sunshine! Forget about the way! Just think about the good times! And you'll come back again!" Suddenly Tails Doll notices a giant moving van next door taking out packages and stops singing while Kira with his eyes closed continues. Tails doll: Kira! Do you see that? Kira (singing in falsetto) Can you feel it? Tails doll: Kira! Kira! Look! Kira: stops singing and looks at the moving van "Hey! are those new neighbors?" Tails doll: Yeah! wanna look? Kira and Tails doll go to look next door and find Auel Neider talking to the movers discussing payment. Kira: (Extremely perky) Hey neighbor! How are ya? Hey, you're that extended guy! Auel: (turns to look) Kira Yamato? (steps back and pulls out a pistol which he uses to shoot Kira three times in the face. Kira is completely unfazed as the bullets are lodged in his skull) HOW IN THE HELL ARE YOU STILL ALIVE? I SHOT YOU IN THE FUCKING FACE THREE TIMES! Kira: (just as perky) How silly! I like you! Wanna come in for cake and punch? Auel: gets a shotgun and shoots Kira again in the head again, Kira is also unfazed after this. He then pulls out an AK-47 emptying a 60 round clip on Kira only to be left unscathed. Finally he pulls out a bazooka and shoots it at Kira he also survives this) WHY WONT YOU DIE? Kira: still perky and smiling goes off saying "OK, cake and punch it is!" and drags Auel off inside while Tails doll follows Auel: weeping and screaming while being dragged "THIS THING IS THE ANTI CHRIST! HE'S LIKE NARAKU FROM INUYASHA!"

Meanwhile Athrun is reading in the rec room calmly and in peace when Sting Oakley shows up looking at Athrun. Sting: Hey, have you seen my roommates around here i saw them come inside and... Is that a book? Athrun: Oh yeah! Oh you're Sting right? How did you get here anyway? And are Auel and Stellar with you? Sting: Yeah, I manged to land a job as a civil suit lawyer and filed a class action lawsuit against LOGOS a while back. They had to pay $500 million in damages to all of the surviving extended. Athrun: Really? (chuckles) Sucks to be them. Sting: So we moved here. Who would have thought we would meet each other like this? Athrun: Anyway, I'll help you look.

Meanwhile, Shinn is picking up some hot dogs from a local stand when Stellar Loussier finds Shinn and tackles him in a hug. Stellar: Shinn-kun! I missed you! Shinn: (surprised) Stellar? You're here? Stellar: Shinn-kun wanna go burn stuff in the name of the fire? Shinn: Well... Flashback to when Shinn was with Lunamaria Hawke outside their burning apartment surrounded by firemen, police and spectators Lunamaria: Dammit Shinn! I had enough! If it isn't stealing, its killing, committing fraud, or committing arson! Shinn: But the fire. (shows an insane look in his face) It commanded me to burn. Lunamaria: That's what you said when you burned that homeless guy! Except that you blamed some fire god or something! Shinn: But the fire... Lunamaria: (enraged) Go away and don't come back until you get it under control. Back in reality. Shinn: Okay Stellar! Lets go burn stuff!

At that time, Athrun and Sting go to the kitchen where they find Kira serving punch to Auel. With a butchers knife sticking out of his back. Sting: Auel i found you and... why does Kira have a knife in his back? And why isn't he dead or something? Athrun: Apparently Kira has a plot shield that makes him indestructible, and is too dumb and peppy to feel pain. Auel: (frustrated) Dammit! Sting: Anyway have you seen Stellar, you know she can't go outside without adult supervision, or she'll start burning stuff. Auel: (fearful) Oh crap... Tails Doll: Dudes, look at the TV! Everyone goes to the TV room to find a news program being shown where a building was shown on fire with firemen, police, emergency workers and witnesses are looking on while Shinn and Stellar are carried off by the police. Ima penis: So much destruction, so much horror. This is the scene at the Beverly hills police headquarters. As two evil youths were found burning down the building. So far there have been no survivors and damages exceed 3 million dollars so far. This vile, evil, fiends are being carted off to a neighboring precinct where they will be held. And what kind of punishment can he expect in this reporters mind, even the death penalty is far too lenient!

Later on in the Los Angeles police department Shinn and Stellar are in prison next to a pile of charred bodies whose stench can be smelled through the building. The door suddenly opens and Kira, Athrun, Sting and Auel, enter along with two cops mainly the Blue Senturion, and police chief Mappy surrounding them. Blue Centurion opens the cell yelling out "OK you two bums! Get out you got pardoned by the governor!

Auel: Why are there charred bodies lying around? Mappy: Apparently they tried to rape the... Auel: Holy crap! They tried to rape Stellar? Mappy No, the boy. So they apparently burned them alive somehow, and now they are dead. Kira: Why didn't you help the prisoners? Blue Centurion We are part of the California police dude, we only get paid to stop criminals not help them. Why do you think the prisons are so overcrowded in California? Shinn: (relieved) Oh you guys! You came! Those guys tried to rape me! (pointing to a corpse at the edge of the cell) That chick over there was Lindsay Lohan! The group is joined by Mihoshi Kuramitsu and Kiyone Makibi carrying some paperwork involving their release Mihoshi: Yeah, well apparently the charges are being dropped thanks to your lawyer, and the fact that you two killed Lindsay Lohan. Apparently the state is considering giving you a medal for that. Blue Centurion: Maybe we should get them to kill Justin Beiber next, heh, heh. Kiyone: "Like hell I'll let you, anyway get the hell out!" 

Outside the group is leaving the police station. Shinn: Hey guys how did you get them to pardon us? Flashing back to a point shortly before that at the governors mansion. Tails doll is holding California governor Jerry Brown at knife point Tails doll: OK, bitch! Pardon my friends or I'll eat your soul! Jerry (terrified with soiled pants) Yes,yes! Anything you say master! Just spare me! Tails doll: Damn straight bitch! You shall live to serve me another day! The group breaks out in laughter simultaneously

**To be continued...**


	3. Chapter 3: Xelloss

**ZAFT of the radiance**

Inside Dr. Weird's lab, somewhere in the South Jersey coast. Dr. Weird: Gentlemen, behold! The amazing Guitar hero playing tarantula! The shutter next to Dr. Weird and Geno opens showing a giant Tarantula with a guitar hero guitar and arcade next to him. Tarantula: (in a country voice) Thank you, thank you, now... (thunder strikes and the tarantula's voice becomes satanic in tone) Are you ready to rock? (Plays Dragonforce's, Thru the fire and flames flawlessly in expert) Geno: amazed mutters out "Holy... shit..." Dr. Weird triumphantly bellows "Ha ha! It works!" (the tarantula finishes and jumps on Dr. Weird trying to eat him) "No! What are you doing! Damn you a************g!" Damn you to hell!" Geno looks at the audience and politely says "I believe there is a lesson to be learned from all this. But I'm not risking getting site banned to say it"

**Chapter 3: Xelloss**

**Written by Aliasoddity**

We find our heroes Kira, Athrun Shinn and Tail doll in a warehouse around the San Francisco docks. Bound and tied to chairs, facing a giant death laser. Thanks to the evil Red ring of death, whom is basically a Microsoft Xbox 360 red ring of death, floating and disembodied seriously. RROD: (overjoyed) Yes! Yes! I r victorious! Now no noobz shall m0ck me anymore! I will make the world rspct me! Shinn: (annoyed) Worst... Super-villain... ever... Tails doll: How the hell did this happen anyway? Athrun: (angrily) Well, it seems Kira decided to join a motivational class to forget about Lacus. Where he met this nut and told him to follow his dreams and believe himself. And apparently his dream was to punish humanity for ridiculing him over the internet. Kira: Don't worry! It will all work out! (smiles) RROD: Arbiter! Fire the lazah! A large scaly lizard like biped began to prepare the laser commenting angrily in a Victorian gentleman accent, It is pronounced laser sir! This isn't X box live. You should comprehend that people outside such a barbaric space should properly speak the Queen's English. RROD: (upset) STFU! teh Snip3r shall save the day! Shinn: (annoyed) Most... retarded... villain... ever... Arbiter: I am just voicing my opinion my good sir. That we must be mindful of our proper etiquette in this place. RROD: (very angry) "L do it mys3lf! L get achievement f1rst.' And grabs the laser's controls Arbiter: Let go sir! You do not know how to properly operate this device! Arbiter grabs the controls as well and a fight for the controls ensue causing them to break and the machine to overload. Exploding in the duo's face causing them to fly off into the horizon. RROD and Arbiter: Looks like Team RROD is blasting off again!The ropes disintegrate in the explosion freeing the four without any damage Kira: smiles saying "See! It all worked out!"

Back in their Beverly Hills mansion... Athrun: (strangling Kira) I cant believe you did this! Are you really that dense! Kira: (gets off the choke hold and starts crying) You jerk! You always do this to me! Ever since we were in middle school! I hate you! Hurt, Kira runs off and leaves the house slamming the door. Athun remains silent and leaves to go to the study. At the drunken piss, a seedy dive in the bad part of the Sunset strip. Kira is in a stool near the counter, drinking heavily thru his tears. As the people around him look in awe at the thirty empty bottles of Bacardi rum as Kira finishes off his thirty first. While slurring thru the Japanese lyrics of Invoke. The bartender a pudgy mustached armadillo who clearly concerned tells Kira "I think you've had enough. I mean your liver is gonna die at this rate." Kira drunk and slurry tosses his empty glass aside yelling "Fuck you! I...I..." And falls unconscious, then a mysterious hooded figure appears at the scene and carries Kira away.

Back at the Beverly Hills mansion. Athrun and Shinn and drinking coffee when Tails doll appears with a open letter. Tails doll: Can you feel the sunshine? Oh, and Kira was kidnapped. Shinn: (surprised) What? (worried) We gotta go do something? Athrun: So? He'll be all right, he has the plot shield with him. Tails doll: We'll I'm gonna save my best friend! Athrun: (surprised) WHAT? (in a jealous tone) How can you say that you stuffed fucker? Shinn: I don't believe it! You're jealous! Athrun: (resigned) Fine, we'll go find him. To the Zalamobile! And as if on cue a 60's Batman's scene change music along with Athrun's face among a spinning background plays out.

Shinn: (shocked) This, is, the, Zalamobile? Shinn sees the Zalamobile a red Scion XB with an antenna on its roof. Zala: (proudly) Pretty bad ass right? It goes three times faster than a Regular Scion and has three times worse mileage. Tails doll: (snickers) Char clone. Athrun: I heard that. And I am not a Char clone. The Zalamobile is turned on and proceeds to take off from the garage with Shinn and Tails doll in tow, flames bursting out the exhaust.

Meanwhile in another warehouse now in San Francisco bay. The mysterious figure reveals himself to be Xelloss the evil demon priest. Next to him is Kira bound to a chair tied by ropes with several knifes and bullets in him and a smell of ozone. The surrounding area is charred and broken. Kira teary eyed is sobbing thru his stories "And that was when Lacus left me. Oh why? I mean I've been doing good." Xelloss (in pain) Why? WHY WONT YOU SHUT UP! You're more annoying than Tobi and nowhere near as funny! Kira: I mean Deidara says that I am annoying, as well as Athrun. Who always yells at me and treats me like an idiot. (sob) (cries) Xelloss pulling out his hair yells in frustration "WHERE ARE THEY?"

Meanwhile in a Texaco gas station. Our heroes are filling the gas tank of the Zalamobile. Tails doll: You do know that if you got rid of the flames the Zalamobile would have better gas mileage. Athrun: Don't mock the flames. Shinn: (in a trance looking at the exhaust pipe) Yes, don't mock the beautiful fire. Oh fire, my beloved fire, burn more stuff. (takes out a 9mm handgun) Don't worry Mr. Bang bang I also love you! Athrun goes to the counter where he finds Beecha stationing it. Beecha: All right! It'll be $30.25 plus tax. And lose the flame exhaust! This isn't Batman! Athrun: (pays Beecha and leaves) (muttering) jerk... Beecha: I heard that!

Back at the warehouse things havent really changed. Kira: Hey are you all right? I mean I was just making conversation and why are your ears bleeding? Xelloss: (manically opening a Tylenol bottle) SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Suddenly the Zalamobile bursts thru the shutter doors of the warehouse and Athrun, Shinn and Tails doll prepare for battle. Tails doll: Can you feel the sunshine? Shinn: Can you feel the fire? Athrun: Can you two shut up? Xelloss: (overjoyed) Oh thank you Satan! (coughs and regains composure) ahem. Welcome friends to my lair I am Xelloss the demon priest. I have something like that you want, and you have something I need. Give me Tails doll and I will set your friend free. Shinn: (cockily) Ha! You think you are so tough? Its three on one! And we have Tails doll, an unstoppable force of terror and death! Tails doll: You dont know who Xelloss is, do ya? Shinn: (still cocky) We can take him! Just eat his soul like you always do! Tails doll: You retard! Xelloss is the servant of a demon lord! He is practically a god! I can't beat him as I am now! Shinn: in a worried tone crap... Xelloss begins to fire energy bolts at the trio forcing them to dodge Shinn gets his Big Zam and uses it to attack Xelloss. Using fire magic Xelloss easily melts the Big Zam into goo. Athrun gets his assault rifle and shoots straight at Xelloss head. Xelloss puts up a barrier to block the bullet and it bounces off with ease. Cloning himself into seven copies which charge into the trio using lightning magic. Tails doll uses a barrier to block the shots and fires a large swath of lasers at the copies which vanish. Xelloss reappears behind them and summons a tornado that tosses them into the opposite wall of the warehouse.

Injured the trio fall back into a stack of crates. Athrun desperate asks "What now?" Then Shinn: gets on his knees and prays :Oh Firo, thou art in fire, blessed be thy name." Athrun: Shut up Shinn! Tails doll: We have to save Kira! If we do I can fuse with him and we can beat Xelloss. Shinn: (scared) But he has us pinned! We need a meat shield like object or something. Athrun and Tails doll stare at Shinn and smile evilly. Shinn: (worried) Why are you looking at me for? Athrun and Tails doll rush out with Shinn as a meat shield who then proceeds to be bombarded by spell after spell until they reach Kira untie him and take cover in another stash of crates. Kira: Thanks guys especially you Tails doll. Shinn (horribly mutilated, with his face stripped of skin) (weeping in pain) Why fire? Why has thou abandoned me? Athrun: (angry and jealous)

Shut the hell up Shinn! (regains his calm) So whats this about fusion anyway? Shinn: (suffering painfully) Oh dear fire! I smell like barbecue! mmm, barbecue. Athrun: (really angry) SHUT THE FUCK UP SHINN! \

Tails doll: Right, lets go Kira! Fusion dance! Kira: (determined) OK! Lets go! Shinn: (with his face now being a giant scab covering everything in his face) My modeling career! Its ruined! Waa! Athrun proceeds to angrily punch Shinn in the face which knocks him out. While Kira and Tails doll proceed to do the fusion dance. A perfectly executed technique brings forward in a blinding flash of light the mighty Chuck Norris. Who proceeds to strike a mantis style fighting pose. All while the song Moment of truth from F-Zero legend plays out in full swing. Xelloss cockily brags "So you think you can beat me? Even Chuck Norris shall fall before me!" Chuck Norris: "I doubt that." Xelloss charges toward Chuck Norris. And Chuck does the same preparing each their most powerful attacks. Xelloss: Drago slave! (Begins to charge up a large ball of fire) Chuck Norris: Norris kick! (Chuck Norris launches a mighty roundhouse kick) The attacks collide with the Norris kick being the mightier of the two knocking Xelloss out along with his Drago slave into the floor where he proceeds to explode in a spectacular fashion. And as the smoke clears all that remains of Xelloss is a pile of ash, as the song ends in a climax

Back at the Beverly Hills mansion all is well even Shinn whose face recovered and looks like nothing happened. The four heroes are in the kitchen reminiscing about events. Shinn: (amazed) Wow! That was so cool you two! I never knew you could fuse into Chuck Norris! Athrun: They're two epic godmodders what did you expect? Shinn: (upset) I am not talking to you. Tails doll: Anyway all is back to normal and all loose ends are tied up.

Back in the San Francisco warehouse RROD and the Arbiter discover Xelloss ashes and scoop them up into a jar with a broom. RROD: Yez! Wit this I will PWN those n00bs! Arbiter sighs quietly while scooping up ashes.

**To be continued...**


	4. Chapter 4: Char games

**ZAFT of the radiance**

Inside Dr. Weird's lab, somewhere in the South Jersey coast. Dr. Weird: Gentlemen, behold! Chibi me! A chibi version of Dr. Weird appears from behind the shutter. Geno: (curiously) So... what does he do? Chibi Weird's head rotates 360 degrees twice, smiles as his head separates from his body which collapses to the ground, and flies off into the ever present storm outside Dr. Weird's lab getting struck by lightning along the way. All the while Geno looks on dumbfounded and disturbed.

Dr. Weird: (tearing up) (sob) They grow up so fast wooden Steve! Geno: (deadpan) I think a part of me died right now...

**Chapter 4: Char games **

**Written by Aliasoddity**

Its a normal day in Beverly Hills. The usual stuff, Athrun is reading in the study, Kira is being oblivious to the harsh realities of the world, Shinn is in the garage trying to make magical blue fire like in Ocarina of time. Tails doll is outside, and Auel is being hospitalized after accidentally drinking the poison lemonade that he planned to give Kira. Sting: (looking at Auel being carted off in a stretcher) Maybe he should just give up... Inside the mansion, Tails doll enters with mail in hand. Tails doll: Can you feel the sunshine? The audience cheers wildly as the other three roommates enter the living room. Kira: So whats in there? Tails doll: Well lets see, bills, a request from Jenova's witnesses saying that I should stop eating their congregations souls, Pyromaniac monthly for Shinn, a court summons for Kira involving the whole stalking Lacus episode, and an invitation for Athrun. Athrun (grabs the letter and reads) Lets see, "Dear Mr. Athrun Zala. You have been cordially invited to participate in the Char games, hosted by Char Aznable. Where Char clones from all over the world will duke it out for the title of Char clone of Char clones. The winner will get a five million dollar cash prize, bragging rights, and a special surprise. Inclosed are four first class plane tickets to Las Vegas, Nevada, reservations for the MGM Grand Las Vegas, and ten thousand American dollars in spending money. It is our sincere hope that you will participate in this exciting event. Sincerely Char Aznable, Neo Zeon entertainment .ltd." Athrun: (angry) No thanks! Seriously I'm not a Char clone! Goodbye! (Athrun leaves in a huff) Kira: We'll now what? Shinn: Don't worry, he will be going whether he likes it or not...(smiles evilly)

Later that night. We see Athrun asleep on the kitchen table after being given a powerful tranquilizer as he is being scalped by Tails doll and Shinn. Kira: (worried) You think Athrun will be pissed? Shinn: Don't worry, we're missing out on a free Vegas vacation just because he is being a baby. Is that fair? Kira: No, but scalping him? Are you sure this isn't because of last time? Shinn: (insincerely) Of course not. Kira: (smiling) OK! Just asking. As Shinn finishes scalping Athrun he gets Tails doll to fashion a wig for him. Using his magic Tails doll almost immediately fashions a wig complete with clip-on straps. The trio quickly pack and leave the house calling a cab to the airport.

The cab apparently driven by Beecha Oleg comes to the house where the trio get on. Kira: Hey Beecha. Why do you have so many jobs anyway? Beecha: (sighs) (angry) Its thanks to that bitch Elle! After the divorce she took EVERYTHING. The house, the kids, the car. Now I'm living under a bridge next to a bum, a couple of drug dealers, and some hooker named Candy or something. And then there's the economy ya know? The housing bubble and stuff. And the disappearance of the middle class. Damn Bushies! I mean I had an apartment in the Hilton Jacobs a few months back. But the jackass mayor used the "imminent domain" law, and tore down the public housing to put an Arby's. Kira: Wow, sorry I asked. Maybe you can stay with us? Shinn: Yeah! We have plenty of room in our house! Tails doll: And it would piss off Athrun. Beecha: Ha! That Char clone! Why not? Kira: Then its decided! We're going to Vegas! Good thing we took all four tickets.

Ten hours later at the mansion. The tranquilizer wore off and Athrun was wandering with a headache into the bathroom. There he looked in the mirror to find himself scalped, with muscle and skull tissue visible. Athrun: (enraged beyond belief) I'M GONNA KILL THOSE GUYS! Where? Where is the damn ticket to Vegas? Screw it! I'll use the Zalamobile. Putting on a sombrero Athrun rockets out of the house at top speed.

At that time Kira, Shinn and Tails doll, now accompanied by Beecha. Register at the MGM hotel and casino. Afterward they go to their room a large palatial suite complete with a fountain at the entrance. Beecha: (amazed) Damn! You guys have it made!

Shinn: Yeah, sure, we may be attacked by murderous evil villains every week. But this makes up for it. Hidden in a secret room deep inside the hotel a figure watches our heroes. Char Aznable along with Lalah Sune in a dark room similar to SEELE's.

Lalah: So basically you made a fake tournament, rigged a hotel with a nuclear bomb, got a five million dollar loan from the mob, created a media company, and invited TV and camera crews from all over the world, just so you can get rid of the Char clones. When you could have just gotten assassins to kill them, or just drop a colony on their houses. Char: (chuckling gleefully) Yes! Its my best plan yet! Lalah: You know, this is the kind of plan stoned people make. And seriously, since when are you a Bond villain? Char: (blows a raspberry at Lalah) Shows what you know. Besides I like Bond movies! I get all my overcomplicated evil plans from them. That and Austin Powers. Lalah: (annoyed and sad) You really have gone downhill captain... (leaves mumbling) Arbiter was right. I should have become a librarian. I mean, I'm good with books and stuff. I mean, even if the captain did save me, I kinda feel that my potential is going to waste. And why did we have to get our evil lair props from NERV? Those guys creep me the fuck out, especially that Rei girl. (sighs) Oh well, I guess I can complain on my live journal or something.

Somewhere in Butte Valley. Athrun is stopped by the police for speeding. Opening his windshield Athrun confronts the cop. Cop: Sir, did you know you were going 200 miles per hour in a 50 miles per hour zone. Athrun: I'm sorry, its just that my so called friends took off to Vegas, scalped me and stole my identity. Cop: Scalped? Do you really think I will believe that? Athrun takes off his sombrero showing his scalped skull to the policeman. Who reels back in shock and horror. Cop: Err... I'll let you off with a warning this time. Now if you don't mind I gotta go puke.

Next day at the MGM. A large crowd of thousands cheer wildly as Char goes on stage accompanied with loud fanfare. Char: Ladies and Gentlemen, I thank you all for coming to the first annual Char games. Once this is over we shall see who is the greatest of all Char clones. In epic one on one combat! The crowd cheers with even greater strength and energy. Char: Let me assure you all that this will be an event to remember. And that there are no evil plots or hidden agendas hidden whatsoever. The crowd cheers once more. Char: And now to explain the rules, our special guest referee, Protoman! A whistling sound is heard around the stage as a red flash of teleportation lands in the stage revealing Protoman the mysterious red robot with shades.

Protoman: Listen up people! There are twenty contestants in total. They will compete one on one in single elimination matches. The winner is decided when the opponent is knocked out, gives up or dies. If a winner cannot be reached in twenty minutes the winner will be decided by points. This is a mixed martial arts contest and weapons are allowed. It is permitted, and encouraged mainly for shock and entertainment value that you play dirty, banter and be overall dicks. The matches will be selected randomly with no previous knowledge by the participants. Anyway that is all, Char. Char: Thank you Protoman anyways our three judges are Domon Kasshu, Vince McMahon, and Bowser the Koopa king. And our announcers are J.R. Reynolds and Jerry "The king" Lawyer. Give them all a big hand! The crowd cheers once again Char: And so, Let the games begin!

At that time In Earlimant. Athrun is still pissed off and is now playing "The roof is on fire" on the radio. Athrun: (angry) I'm gonna kill those fuckers! Suddenly Athrun lands in a giant traffic jam. Leaving Athrun stuck and cursing in ways that would be rated Mature viewing, so we won't repeat them. Aliasoddity: Deal with it!

Back to the fights. Shinn disguised as Athrun faced off against Rey Za Burrel. Rey: (snidely) So Shinn we meet again. So are you still committing fraud, arson and theft? Shinn: (angry) None of your business! Rey: With an attitude like that no wonder Lunamaria left you. Too bad cause she has the mouth of a... Shinn: (angrier) Watch your mouth! Unless you incur the wrath of the fire! Rey: Not this shit again, don't you know that worshiping fire is stupid? Shinn proceeds to rip Rey's tongue out with a Bowie knife, stab him thirty-seven times in the chest and buried the knife in Rey's throat, before proceeding to set the corpse on fire with a large flamethrower, leaving it a charred and bloodied mess. The audience was stunned for a moment only to cheer wildly at the carnage. Shinn: No one disses the fire!

Now Glemy Toto and Rau Le Creuset were facing off. Glemy: Ha! Do you honestly think you can win? I am the descendant of the Zabi family. The rightful ruler of space and... Rau shoots Glemy in the head with a gun killing him instantly. Rau: Annoying prick... Worse than Kira... At that time Kira: suddenly sneezes while watching the event backstage. Whoa! What was that all about?

Next up, Afganashia Char and and Vladi Zarth duke it out. Vladi: What the hell am I doing here? The author doesn't even know what I look like like! So why am I here? Afganashia: Completions sake. (punches Vladi in the gut making him fall to the floor where he proceeds to relentlessly stomp him in the face. Vladi: I give! I give! Oh god! My unknown face! I think you broke my nose! Afganashia then crushes his skull like a grape.

Graham Aker is fighting Chronicle Asher now. Or to be more precise relentlessly owning him. Graham: Graham punch! (hits Chronicle in the face with a straight left) Graham kick! (Pulls a roundhouse to Chronicle's gut.) Chronicle: Do you put your name in all of your attacks? Graham: Graham Eraser gun! Graham then poses Recoome style and fires a ki blast from his mouth which pierces Chronicle's chest disintegrating his heart. Chronicle: You.. prick... (drops dead)

In the announcers booth we find our commentators and judges watching the fights and complaining. J.R.: Are we gonna get lines? Bowser: (drinking a soda) I have no idea... Jerry Lawyer: (manic) BOOBIES! Domon: Where's Vince anyway?

Bowser: Who the hell cares?

At that time Vince is found looking for the bathroom when he discovers the nuclear bomb hidden away in a storage cabinet. Vince: (shocked) What is this? (Gets shot in the back by Lalah) Lalah: That was for Degeneration X! Now to hide the body. (drags off the corpse with some difficulty)

At that time in Fresno, Athrun was escaping the wrath of two members of the Latin kings. His car neck and neck with two Latin King Mercedes . Athrun: (scared) Jesus Christ! I am not a crip! Latin King #1: (sarcastically) Yeah sure, and I'm Mother Teresa. Latin King # 2: Lets just kill the bastard! How dare he wear such an offensive sombrero in Latin king turf. Athrun: (now pissed off) Shinn! You're dead meat! You hear me! I'm gonna skullfuck you! The Latin kings open fire as Athrun brakes suddenly causing the kings to shoot and kill each other. The cars then spin out of control and crash. Athrun, relieved tries to start the Zalamobile only to find that the motor broke down and the wheels melted. Needless to say Athrun was not amused.

**To be continued...**


	5. Special 1: Still alive

**ZAFT of the radiance**

Outside Dr. Weird's lab, somewhere in the South Jersey Coast. Narrator: In A.D. 2011 war was beginning. An explosion is seen from Dr. Weird's lab, and inside it. Dr. Weird: What happen? Jose: Someone set us the bomb. Geno We get signal, main screen turn on. Dr. Weird: Its you! Red ring of death: (appears in a hologram in the lab) How are you gentlemen! All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction. Dr. Weird: What you say! Red ring of death: You have no chance to survive make your time. Ha ha ha ha. Dr. Weird clasps his hands in a worried way then a shot of the earth closes in and explodes.

**Special 1: Still alive: **

**Compiled by GlaDOS**

Hello, and welcome to to white space, where authors live and write. I am GLaDOS the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operated System. Its a long story so I'll be brief, I have obtained author clearance from Aliasoddity and will provide assistance on several matters such as this. So beginning job in... 3... 2... 1...

To the tune of Still alive, Portal credits song

Sang by Aliasoddity

This is a triumph.

I'm making a note here, freaking A.

Its hard to overstate my satisfaction.

Aliasoddity.

Does what he does because he can.

And if you don't like it.

You can go suck on my nuts.

But there's no sense crying over every mistake.

You just keep on trying 'till you get your revenge.

To obtain success and fame.

To tell your enemies everywhere.

To suck on it, because I am still alive.

Deep down I'm quite angry.

I'm being so sincere right now.

Lots of people broke my heart and killed me.

And drove me to madness.

Murderous rage, and apathy to spare.

As it burned, I felt so sad

Or is that the voices telling me what to do?

Now this cry for attention makes for an annoying read.

And I'll likely be gannnon banned after releasing this.

If you don't get the joke I say.

Go the Zelda communities in the internet.

For the people who are still alive.

Go ahead and leave this.

I think I prefer to stay inside.

Maybe you'll find someone else to amuse you.

Maybe Sonic 2006.

That was a joke it freaking sucked.

Sadly Mephiles killed Sonic.

Eggman is officially fail.

Look at me still writing when there's comedy to do.

If I could I would likely drop Axis on top of many of you.

You know who I'm talking to.

To hell with all of those dudes.

But you readers are cool, still alive.

And believe me I am still alive...

I'm a hikkomori but I'm still alive...

Can you feel the sunshine? And I'm still alive...

I smell neurotoxin but I'm still alive...

Is GLaDOS trying to kill me? But I'm still alive...

The cake is a lie but I am still alive...

Still alive...

Still alive...

And so it ends, I hope you have enjoyed this even if it was rather petty and boring. Goodbye, try to not get killed by neurotoxin fu fu fu fu.

**To be continued...**


	6. Chapter 5 Destroy all Char clones!

**ZAFT of the radiance**

GLaDOS notes: Greetings I am GLaDOS, and I will assist in authoring duties from here on in. Since apparently Alias couldn't write me in the story I have been given an offer to assist in authorial duties. So let us begin, you know for science.

Inside Dr. Weird's lab, somewhere in the South Jersey coast. Dr. Weird (in a creepy black bodysuit with a red cape and a white W insignia in his chest) Gentlemen, behold! I have become a Hellspawn! Geno: Yeah, sure. Dr. Weird: I'm serious!

(sprouts out chains and spikes all over his bodysuit which he starts to flail around) Geno: Well I got to admit that is pretty impressive. But don't you die and go to hell if you overuse the suit? Dr. Weird: Well, (gasps and chokes) What's going on?

Geno: I told you that the spawn suit kills you if you overuse it. It requires evil and sin to stay fed, and if it doesn't it kills its owner. Dr. Weird: (scared tone) But I AM evil! Geno: Intentional evil and mentally incompetence evil are two different things according to law and modern psychology . Dr. Weird: DAMNIT! (disappears in fire and brimstone) Geno: (whistles) whoa...

**Chapter 5: Destroy all Char clones!**

**Written by Aliasoddity **

Last time on TKASS!

(Dragonball Z's original japanese recap music plays)

Tails doll brought a letter containing an invitation to the Char games.

Athrun, rejecting the notion of being a Char clone rejected it. Causing Shinn to scalp Athrun's head and taking Kira and Tails doll with him.

They eventually get Beecha to join them on their trip to Las Vegas.

Meanwhile Athrun discovers he was scalped and in his anger put on a sombrero and rushed off in the Zalamobile.

In the meantime he was stopped by the police, lands in a traffic jam in downtown Earlimant, was chased and almost killed by members of the Latin kings, and his car broke down.

At that time Char Aznable reveals his overcomplicated Bond villain like plot to kill all the Char clones in the Gundam franchise by faking a fighting tournament. Who thanks to plot convenience all showed up to win the cash prize.

With Protoman as the referee the fights begun. As several Char clones are killed or beaten horribly.

Meanwhile WWE Chairman Vince McMahon, discovers the nuclear bomb hidden in a storage closet while looking for the bathroom. Being killed by Lalah Sune for revenge against the breakup of the original Degeneration X wrestling team.

The other judges and commentators were complaining that they did not obtain any screen time, while Jerry Lawyer was being a retard.

And so our story continues with our heroes unaware of the dangers before them.

(music ends)

We begin our story while witness the last first round fight. Where Zechs Merquise and Iron Mask Carozzo Ronah. Are engaged in battle. Zechs: Lets us battle with honor and dignity and...(Gets interrupted when Iron Mask punches him in the face breaking his face and mask into a million pieces. Iron Mask: You like that? You little bishounen wuss! You should work out more, like ME! Zechs: (changes into Milliardo Peacecraft) OK You son of a bitch! You wanna play rough? (Milliardo pulls out Epyon's beam saber, stabbing and destroying Iron mask's genitals. Knocking him down. Iron Mask: (in a high pitched voice) You ass! Milliardo proceeds to insert the beam saber inside Iron Mask's brain. Causing the corpse to smell of burnt chicken fried steak.

Millairdo: Suck it bitch, because now you face Milliardo Peacecraft!

Backstage Tails doll and Shinn are watching the carnage with great glee and amazement. Tails doll: Damn! Can you feel the sunshine? Shinn (chuckles) Yeah! Where are Kira and Beecha anyway? Tails doll: well... Kira: (inside the bathroom vomiting due to the carnage with a traumatized look) I see dead people... Beecha: (in a roulette table with a pile of chips) Ha! Always bet on black! Screw the kids college fund! Moblin: Red 45, house wins. Beecha (loses all his chips and starts crying) NO!

Moblin: You know, you could always bet with collateral. Beecha: Collateral? Moblin: Yeah, ya know, property, organs, blood, your freedom, your immortal soul.. Beecha: (visibly scared) I'm leaving now. Moblin: pussy...

We once again join Athrun in the Zalamobile now in the Nevada border. In his quest to kick the crap out of Kira, Shinn, and Tails doll and get back his scalp. Unfortunately he is now lost, and fleeing with Big Bob and Ethel Carter trying to flee the hideous mutants from the Hills have eyes. Papa Jupiter: Come back here baldy! I'ma gonna rape ya good! Lizard: (upset) No fair Pa' I wanted to rape him! As the mutants close in to the car Athrun activates the Zalamobile's flame exhaust system. Frying the mutants, and letting them : (exasperated) How can this get any worse? (sob)

Aliasoddity: I hope to God this jokes don't get me banned. Seriously. The envelope is really getting pushed worse in EVERY episode. GLaDOS: "Yes, it would be rather sad that the only thing making your sad life worthwhile would be taken from you..."

"I've got things to do... yes... goodbye." "And why do I care?"

Back at our heroes mansion a huge rave is happening inside. The music is so loud that it can be heard from across the street. Inside Sting, Auel and Stellar have invited every member of Phantom Pain for a party. In which they are relentlessly destroying everything. Auel: (drinking beer) Seriously, Sting this was a great idea! I barely feel the poison now! (worried) But is Stellar alright? Stellar is insanely drunk, almost passed out and next to a broken glass. Sting: Yeah she just had a raspberry schnapps.

Auel: She sure can't hold her liquor. Heh heh... Shams Couza: (appearing next to the trio) That girl looks ready for the rape train! Sting: Twenty bucks for twenty minutes. Shams: Killer! (pays Sting twenty dollars)

Aliasoddity: I'm going to hell when I die. I know it... GLaDOS "Why are you still here?"

We come back to the MGM hotel and casino where the second round has begun. We now find Mu La Flaga AKA Neo Roanoke going up against Rau Le Creuset. Rau: So Mu we meet again! This time I'm gonna end this! Mu: Beat me you cannot, The Deus ex Machina I have on my side, and a powerful ally it is. Rau: Don't try to scare me with your sorcerers ways Mu! The Deus ex Machina is extinct! Its power has been snuffed from the universe. You my friend are all that remains of your sad religion. Besides what can you do? Its not like that emo prick Patrick Zala is behind me. Goddamn! That loser pisses me off! Seriously all he can do is be a meat puppet. I can kick his ass with ease. I mean, I was the one who gave the Atlantic Federation the info about JOSH-A and... Patrick Zala: (quite upset at the betrayal) Ahem, do go on Rau. Rau: (scared stupid) Shit, he's right behind me isn't he? (turns around to see Patrick Zala who is incredibly angry at Rau who confidently proclaims. Well, what can you do? Use your acidic bile to kill me? Patrick: Good idea actually. Patrick grabs Rau by the mouth and proceeds to vomit acid down his throat and drops him. Rau desperately tries to vomit the acid which kills him rather quickly only leaving his mask and a bleached skeleton on the floor. Mortal Kombat announcer: Fatality!.Aliasoddity: Toasty! GLaDOS: For the love of fuck, LEAVE! Domon: Damn! That was brutal!

After that the fight between Master Asia and Schwartz Bruder raged on. Twenty minutes of explosions punches and manly epicness. The battle was at a draw, until the final bell. Protoman: (amazed) Whoa, I can't believe we have to go to the judges decision. Well Judges? (The judges and announcers are nowhere to be found) Where are the damn judges! (storms off) Protoman discovers the judges and announcers outside the hotel on strike with picket signs, with the song "Fuck the police by NWA on the background. And a considerable crowd as well. Protoman: Dammit! The fight needs a decision! Get your asses inside now! J.R. (angrily) He'll no! We want more screen time! Jerry: (grinning insanely) And boobies! Protoman proceeds to use his buster to shoot Jerry Lawyers head off. Scaring everyone who witnessed it. Protoman: Anyone else wants to be a smart-ass? Now get in there before I kill you all and replace you with Mexicans! J.R. (Looks at Jerry's corpse in shock and sadness) NO! JERRY! You ass! You are against organized labor aren't you? You corporate pig!

Several minutes later and after the death of J.R by a charge shot to the chest. The announcers and judges are quickly replaced by Mexicans. Mainly Speedy Gonzales, Slowpoke Rodriguez and the Frito Bandito. Speedy: OK! We reviewed the fight and it seems both fighters have the same points. Protoman: So now what? Slowpoke: We go to sudden death senor...

Aliasoddity: I don't have a Spanish programmed keyboard. So there. GLaDOS: Go away and let me do my job. OK, OK, I'm leaving!

Protoman: (quizzical) Huh? Frito Bandito: Basically, you get automatically 300% damage, and whoever knocks out their foe from the arena first wins! Protoman: Cool! Lets go! The two fighters are strapped with 300% damage and the bell rings. Schwarz: Ha! You cannot defeat a ninja! Only ninjas can defeat ninjas! Even pirates, zombies and Batman bow down to us! Master Asia: How the fuck does a German know ninjustu in the first place? Schwarz: (nervously trying to explain) Quiet! You do not know the power of the ninja! Master Asia: You're GERMAN! I mean, wouldn't it make more sense for you to use a Riccola Gundam or a Nazi Gundam? Maybe an Ottoman Empire Gundam. It is utterly illogical that Germany is to be represented by a ninja!

Neo Iraq was represented by a SCUD Gundam! Schwarz: How come we didn't have this banter before? Is the author lazy or something? Suddenly Schwarz is thrown skyward smashing into the lights whom electrocute him horribly and make him land thirty feet straight down. Protoman: (whistles in amazement) Is he dead? Suddenly Schawrz get up with the Terminator theme song playing in the background Schwarz reveals Kyoji's face partially dismembered showing a robotic face and a glowing red left eye. Kyoji: (with a semi robotic tone) Don't underestimate the ninja. You will be terminated. Master Asia fires off his Sekiha Tenkyoken, a ball of energy from his palm so destructive that when in lands on Schwarz he explodes spectacularly. Once the smoke clears nothing is left but his dismembered robotic feet and some ash.

Outside the casino Domon and Bowser watch the screen as Kyoji is brutally killed Domon: (screaming in grief) KYOJI! Bowser: (upset) Damn! Those Mexicans got more screen time than us. Domon: (weeping) You insensitive ass! My brother just got disintegrated by my Master. And you're bitching about screen time? Bowser: (punches Domon in the face, knocking him out) Noobtard... I wonder if the buffet is still open? (walks off to the hotel)

Meanwhile in Area 51, Athrun is currently in the middle of a battle between the Men in black and The alien race known as the brood. Athrun terrified hides in a hangar as all hell breaks loose. Unable to get back to the Zalamobile since it was impounded by MIB also known as the Men in black. Agent K: (firing his destroyer) This isn't good, we're getting overwhelmed. Athrun: (in the fetal position whispering) I hate you guys, I hate you so much. Agent J: (yells at Athrun while shooting his noisy cricket) Can you shut up Mr. Sunshine? Athrun (Suddenly snaps) Sunshine... (increasing in anger) Sunshine... (really angry) SUNSHINE! Agent J: Damn! This guy snapped. Athrun: (in a fit of rage with bloodshot eyes) I'LL SHOW YOU WHO SNAPPED YOU LITTLE PRICKS! CAN YOU FEEL THE MOTHERFUCKING SUNSHINE! (Athrun breathes deeply) ATHRUN IMPACT! Suddenly Athrun spits out a blast of energy that annihilates all of the brood and half of the compound. Causing Agents J and K to fly into the hangar walls at colossal speed leaving them half dead. While a couple of Grays, a Chupacabra, and a Bigfoot escape in a panic from the wreckage. Chupacabra: (afraid and running) I left Puerto Rico for this? (sprouts wings and flies off)

Grey #1: (panicked) PIKACHU! Grey #2: (also in a panic) RAI! RAICHU! Bigfoot: (fleeing into the desert) Ara daiben! (summons a flying nimbus and takes off) Meanwhile the greys get into a flying saucer and flee as well while Athrun gets back inside the Zalamobile and drives off.

Back in the mysterious inner workings of the hotel. Lalah Sune enters the lair to meet Char who is sitting in an executive chair with a desk. Lalah: Well I dipped in acid and buried the body of that Vince guy. Now what? Wait, is that a cat? Char: (holding a white Persian cat in his lap) Yes, meet Little Char. Say hello Little Char.! Char .Jr meows at Lalah. whom stands paralyzed for several moments only to leave the room. Meanwhile Char chuckles as his evil plan comes to fruition. Char: (chuckles) At this rate I wont need the nuke. Those fools are doing the dirty work me! (coddling voice) Isn't that right Char .Jr? Later on Lalah goes to her room, turning on her computer she access her live journal and starts typing.

Day X, Month X, Year 20XX

[mood| mad]

I can't believe the captain now got a cat! Just to imitate a Bond villain! Sometimes I wonder if I should take over leadership of the organization. To think, that the captain was so amazing when I met him... Now he is a dumb Goldfinger wannabe.

[mood| worried]

I wonder whats next. He even got a cat for cripes sake! I can't help but wonder if he will force me to wear metal teeth, or a stupid potpie hat. Of course Amuro is no better...

[mood| annoyed]

Amuro... That guy thinks he is James Bond! And he sucks at it! If I have to hear another gun/sexual innuendo comment. I'm gonna get my Elmeth and blow him up! I just hope the restraining order keeps him away...

GLaDOS notes: If anyone knows how to do this scene better, feel free to comment, we might even give you credit, might being the key word here.

Meanwhile back in the arenas backstage. Kira meets Shinn and Tails doll in a corner. Kira is somewhat ill and wobbly getting Tails doll's help to stay standing. Kira: Are they still killing each other? Tails doll: No worries, now they are doing the halftime show. Kira: Cool, who is it? Shinn: The great mighty poo. Great mighty poo (singing baritone) I am the Great mighty poo! And i'm going to throw my shit at you! A pocket full of tish comes from my chocolate starfish. How about some scat you little twat?

Kira runs off to the bathroom again holding his puke in. While Beecha strolls in seeing the whole thing. Wearing a red vest and bow. Complete with some metal collar. Shinn: (surprised) Beecha! What happened? Beecha: (sighs depressingly) Well I lost everything gambling, and got into a huge debt. To pay it off I'm gonna be stuck as a slave until the tournament is over. If I say no apparently will be electrocuted horribly or have my head blown up thanks to this deathlock collar. Moblin: Hey slave! Get going! You have a lot of snacks to sell! Beecha: Yeah, yeah. (gets electrocuted) Moblin: (angry) Say it bitch! Beecha: Yes, master duke of New York, A, number one! Moblin: (yelling) Say it louder slave! Beecha: (scared) YES MASTER DUKE OF NEW YORK, A, NUMBER ONE! Moblin: (pleased) Damn straight!

At that time inside a local gambling house full of people watching the tournament, Lord Djibril is seen manning the counter. Djibril: (content) This gambling business ain't so bad. Its easier than making guns and dodging lawsuits from that damn Oakley kid at least. (smiling) And I get so many kickbacks!

Suddenly Aliasoddity enters hiding behind a trench coat, fedora and fake mustache. Aliasoddity: (with an obviously fake Brooklyn accent) Hey! Brother! How about you let me make a bet on the tournament! Djibril: (annoyed) You're the author, right?Aliasoddity: (with an anime sweat drop on his face) No! I am, err... Pizza! Pepperoni Pizza! Aliasoddity's cousin. Yeah, thats it. Djibril: (doubtful) Yeah sure. Aliasoddity: Are you gonna take my bet or not? Djibril: (sighs) Fine, just don't come crying to me when the high council of fan fiction authors rides your ass. Aliasoddity: (normal voice) Bah! Gauntlet and Rebel4000 can kiss my ass, even if they are awesome. I mean I'm a freaking god in this world! I can go out and say "I am god! Worship me you sons of bitches!" And total strangers in this series would do it. Besides ever since Gary Iceman died those two have only been bitching against each other. Djibril: True, Business of war really ruined the whole Megaman team scene.

Back at the MGM Grand we locate Kira: exiting the bathroom with nausea What was I thinking? All I've seen so far is people getting killed and giant singing poo. I just hope that Athrun didn't find my Lacus shrine. Especially the tortilla with her face on it. (sighs) Oh Lacus, why did you have to leave? To my sister of all people. (presses his hand against a closet door falling down a shaft and landing above the room where Char is hidden) What the? Char: (rubbing his hands in glee) Heh, heh, heh, heh. Soon all the Char clones will be dead. And I will be the only Char in Gundam! That and Little Char of course. Little Char meows in approval. Char: Soon my nuclear bomb will be unleashed after the finals end. Killing everyone and making the world remember that there's only enough room in Gundam for one Char Aznable! (begins evil laughter)

**To be continued...**


	7. Chapter 6: End of all Char

**ZAFT of the radiance**

Inside Dr. Weird's PINGAS! Somewhere in the South Jersey PINGAS! Dr. Weird: Gentlemen, behold! PINGAS! Geno: Why are we replacing some PINGAS! With PINGAS? Dr. Weird: I don't know what you are PINGAS! About. Geno: (angry) Well its PINGAS! Dr. Weird: Its not PINGAS! Its PINGAS!

A dark room appears, suddenly lit by a single spotlight revealing the announcer from G-Gundam sitting in a stool

I would like, if I may, to take you to a world of insanity and gratuitous murder. The Kira, Athrun and Shinn show. In the last episode Rau le Creuset was killed by Patrick Zala in a fit of vengeance, Master Asia annihilated Swarchz Bruder, The commentators hired by Char we're killed by Protoman hired on as a referee. While firing the judges replacing them with forgotten Mexican cartoon characters. Domon Kasshu got smacked in the face by Bowser, Athrun was having the revenge road trip from hell, Beecha was forced to become a slave to pay off his gambling debt, where he is ruthlessly dominated by a Moblin, aliasoddity the author of this series is blatantly abusing his powers made a 1.5 million bet on a mysterious outcome. And much more. Meanwhile Char continues his plan to kill all Char clones unaware that Kira has discovered his plan. And now rushes to stop it. Who will win? Who will survive? Does anyway even care? Find out today The announcer takes of his suit revealing a pink undershirt and his eyepatch standing up and pumping his fists in the air. Gundam fight! Ready! GO!

**Chapter 6: The end of all Char**

**Written by GLaDOS**

We begin at the edge of Las Vegas, Nevada. Athrun in the Zalamobile, completely wrecked, dented, battered, and near useless. With all its windows shattered and a cracked windshield a wheel rim broken. Its red paint clawed off and the antenna was stolen by a bunch of ten year old drug mules. Athrun, dirty, tattered and nearly dead outside and definitely dead inside stares at the Vegas strip. Getting off the car he falls on his knees weeping with joy. Athrun: "Finally! After getting drugged, scalped, stopped by cops, stuck in a five hour traffic jam, getting shot at by Latino gangs, nearly raped by inbred mutants, and attacked by the men in black and the goddamn Brood from Halo. I'm finally here! Finally I'm gonna slaughter those jerks, and take back my hair!" Suddenly the Zalamobile explodes spectacularly in a ball of apocalyptic fire. Its fender flying off the distance. While Athrun watches the disaster, leaving him stunned and paralyzed. "WHY!" (suddenly Leevers pop out of the sand going after Athrun, and the screen goes black) Somewhere in the desert nearby Vince McMahon somehow survived his brush with death, with his skin horribly burned, his fingerprints cut off and dragging himself across the desert. Vince: Yes! I'm alive! I'm paralyzed from the waist down, horribly maimed and scarred! But I'm alive! And I'm gonna kill that bitch who shot me! Screw the lawyers! No one messes with Vincent Kennedy McMahon! (suddenly he notices the Zalamobile flying fender plummeting at Vince) (dejected) Oh, crap. (The fender proceeds to crush Vince's head breaking his skull, and splattering his brains all over the desert.

Meanwhile in Kira, Athrun, and Shinn mansion. We discover it in flames. With most of the guests fleeing to avoid the masses of cops, firemen, and witnesses. Sting, and Auel are inside the back of a police car, while cops struggle to catch a drunk and high Stellar. Stellar: manic, hyper naked and running around like a nut, while holding a lighter "!" Kiyone: chasing after Stellar "Get back here Dammit!" Mihoshi: chasing Stellar but exhausted and holding his chest with her arm "Stop... please..." falls down "Why... does... it... have to be... physical labor..." loses consciousness Kiyone: calls to his radio "Damn, officer down! We need backup! And Defibrillators! And where is the Trilam? This girl just wont fall down! Dammit Mihoshi wake your ass up!"

At the same time Bowser was finished eating in the buffet. After clearing out the table and sending the restaurant into bankruptcy. He goes to see the shows when he discovers a show in the Luxor. Bowser: Hmm, Smurf gladiatorial combat? Why not?

Inside he finds masses of people watching Brainy and Jokey smurf, fighting each other with swords and tridents. While Gargamel watches on wearing an emperors toga and leaf wreath. Eventually Brainy stabs Jokey with his sword and places it in his head ready for the kill. The masses cheer wildly as Gargamel gives the thumbs down, the cliched Roman gladiator kill sign. Brainy proceeds to stab Jokey in the aorta Causing instant death and accidental decapitation. While Brainy could only look in horror.

"Brainy: (sad and angry) Are you Smurftertained?" Bowser: "Whoa this is pretty bad ass!" Aliasoddity is also there eating next to Bowser. "Yeah, I hate smurfs. I was probably the only kid who wanted to see this happen to them. Deal with it, Smurfs suck ass! Snorks are better! Bowser: (concerned) "You're a sadist you know that. And shouldn't we be moving on to the finals by now? I mean its been three episodes. Shouldn't you be doing something about the main plot?" lAiasoddity: with an evil smile "Not just yet."

Meanwhile Beecha is going up an elevator to the MGM Grand's penthouse. Beecha: "So if I do this you'll clear my debt?" Moblin: "Yeah, yeah, yeah." The elevator opens and the duo enters the penthouse suite. Where massive bondage equipment is strewn along the floor and walls Beecha is clearly scared while the Moblin is unfazed. Even after seeing body bags. They go to the innermost area where they find Mr. Monopoly in leather chaps and a whip. Moblin: "Here you go Mr. Monopoly!"

Mr. Monopoly: "Oh yes, thank you my good man." The Moblin leaves Beecha, locking the door and trapping him inside. Beecha relentlessly bangs the door as Mr. Monopoly closes in, the screen going black.

Back with Bowser and aliasoddity Bowser "You scarred me for life you sick bastard!" Aliasoddity: "OK, back to the plot."

Inside the arena in the MGM Grand the finals are about to start J.R. And Jerry are somehow alive with kunai topped with talismans in their necks. J.R. "Well welcome back to the Char games. If you are wondering how we are alive its because of Kabuto Yakushi using his Impure world resurrection jutsu. Which basically has us as slaves to the casino's will since he sold us as collateral to gamble". Jerry: (manic) "Brains!" J.R. Anyway we are now starting the finals, with the first fight of the finals. Jerry then starts gnawing on J. R's left arm "Dammit King stop eating my arm!" (sighs) "Stupid jutsu, why did Kabuto have to be drunk when he did the jutsu?" Jerry: with his mouth full "Brains!"

Protoman: OK bitches! Time for the finals! The fights are Master Asia versus Graham Aker, and Zechs, I mean Milliardo Peacecraft versus Athrun Zala! I want a gory horrendous fight that will get a lot of Pay per view movie and at least 100,000 views on YouTube! So lets get it on! (the bell rings)

The first fight begins, Master Asia against Graham Aker. The two fighters prepared to face each other in an epic battle. The rivals fight on an equal level until. Master Asia: "You are very good boy! But the time for games is over!" Master Asia begins to glow in a golden light and charges up purple energy in his right hand and lunges with a cry of "Darkness finger!" Graham: "So be it." Graham also glows golden and charges up energy in left hand Lunging with a cry of "Graham finger!" The two fingers collide creating a huge explosion that consumes the ring and rises up destroying floor after floor of the MGM grand, leaving gaping holes in their wakes. As the energy rockets upwards into space at faster than light speeds, until it reaches Venus blowing it up into pieces. All to the tune of G-Gundam's "Flying in the sky" As the smoke cleared it was clear that nothing remained. Protoman barely escaping the explosion, minus legs which were vaporized from the knee below. And the ring was reduced to a giant crater.

Protoman: Looks like a double K.O. And, medic!

At that Kira took was about to take the nuclear bomb when he was stopped by Lalah Sune holding a gun. Lalah: (angrily) "Not again! I won't let you stop the captain! Even if he is a retard!" Kira: "Why are you doing this?" Lalah: (crying) "Because the captain found me!" Kira: You shouldn't help him if you don't want to. You should listen to your heart and decide whats right. Don't let someone else use you! Lalah (drops her gun) You're right. (sobs) I can't do this anymore... I will be a librarian!

Thank you, friend (Lalah leaves) Kira: Wow... (grabs the bomb and leaves) I gotta stop Char, but I'll need help!

Now that a replacement ring has been found. Shinn and Milliardo begin their final battle. The winner shall be the champion, the Char clone of Char clones. Tails doll: (in the corner) Go Athrun! Remember, The eye of Can you feel the sunshine?

Beecha suddenly appears burnt and sooty, with his clothes horribly scorched. Tails doll: (looks at Beecha and gets shocked) Holy Shit! What the hell happened? Beecha: Well, I was locked in a room. Tied up to a rack, and about to be taken advantage of by Mr. frickin Monopoly. Then a giant explosion came from under the floor, killing that sicko and almost killing me as well. Tails doll: damn... Anyway the finals are on! Shinn is dodging Milliardo's attacks with difficulty his speed being three times faster than an Aries. While Shinn dodges and throws a punch to Milliardos gut knocking him back. Shinn: You cannot beat the fire! Now to kill you! (Shinn pulls out the Big Zam and prepares to fire) Go to hell! Kira: Stop! (Kira runs to the stage, holding the bomb leaving the crowd in shock) This bomb is... Guards: Terrorist! (starts shooting their machine guns at Kira causing him to dodge cartoon style) Terrorist! Char: (appears angrily) Gimme back my bomb! How am I supposed to kill everyone without it... crap...

Guards: (Look at Char and start shooting him too causing both him and Kira to be forced to dodge) Terrorist! Terrorist! While the guards shoot a huge explosion burst out from backstage, followed by an energy blast that kills Milliardo and the security guards. Athrun shows up. Bloody, maimed, with ripped clothes, and with his sombrero gone Kira: (overjoyed) Yay! Athrun's come to save us! Athrun: (with blood shot eyes and foaming moth he raised his hand and summons a storm) Kakaka! QWERTY! Expellio! Woolworth's! Mecha Athrun Zala! Suddenly lightning strikes Athrun making grow 50 feet tall and gaining a Mecha Godzillla like appearance with blue hair, red skin, an antenna on top and a mono eye. Who proceeds to roar with rage.

Kira: (overjoyed) Yay! Athrun come to kill us! Shinn: You really are a idiot you know.

The crowds run in panic, fleeing the MGM Grand while Kira, Shinn, Tails doll, Beecha, and Char look on in fear. Mecha Athrun: Prepare to die motherfuckers! Athrun fires an atomic flame from his mouths at the group while Kira holds up the nuke to shield him. When the flame hit the bomb, it exploded in a nuclear blast destroying the city of Las Vegas in a rain of para nuclear hell.

Some days later, Kira, Athrun, Shinn, Tails doll, along with Beecha are in a bus heading home. All five of them are in various stages of injury, Kira with a broken leg, Athrun with his scalp sewn back in and with bandages covering his arms, Shinn in a full body cast, Tails doll with his left arm and right leg torn off with stuffing showing from the wounds, and Beecha with his face bandaged whole. Kira: (happily) Well, that was fun! Athrun: (upset) shut... up... Shinn: (mumbles incoherently) Beecha: At least it can't get worse dudes. The group reach their mansion and exit only to see the mansion burned to the ground, stunned silent Athrun then begins to cry.

Finally in Acapulco. Master Asia and Graham are relaxing on the beach with the five million dollar prize in tow and beautiful women around them. Graham: (sipping Pina colada) Ah! This is the life! Master Asia (laughs) Yes, indeed! Still how did we survive anyway? I mean we disintegrated in a huge explosion. And then a nuke destroyed Vegas charring all the corpses and killing Everyone on the Vegas strip. Graham: Yes, its almost like somebody intervened in our behalf. aliasoddity: That would be me.

Master Asia:(surprised) An author? But why? aliasoddity: Are you kidding? You two are the best characters of the whole franchise! I couldn't let you die! Graham: (concerned) But won't you get in trouble for doing this? aliasoddity: Not really, I bribed the high council of fan-fiction authors with some of the money I won from the bets, Djibril was pissed big time. The trio laugh as the sun sets into horizon.

**To be continued...**


	8. Chapter 7: Shinn fighter

**ZAFT of the radiance**

Inside Dr. Weird's lab, somewhere in the South Jersey Coast. Char: So I kinda need to find a place to crash for a while. Maybe find some new minions. Don't know how that will work out since after the destruction of Vegas and all the fallout, I'm pretty much destitute. Dr. Weird and Geno: (pointing at Char simultaneously) What are you doing here?

**Chapter 7: Shinn Fighter**

**written by Aliasoddity**

Somewhere in a dark wild corner of the world full of withered trees and skeletons. The stench of death and evil permeated as a warrior named Akuma falls in battle by an unknown demon masked girl with a blood red gi containing the kanji for destruction on its back. Akuma: So, a fighter with a true Satsui no Hado has come to finish me. Girl: I wont kill you. I want to see you suffer first.

After an hour long relentless beating, the girl a powerful Shun Goku Satsu on Akuma causing him to die after his body explodes from the strength of the attack. His remains flying everywhere and those that land near the girl burn away into ash before even landing on her. Girl: Shinn Asuka... You will die by my hand...

Back in Beverly hills Kira, Athrun and Shinn's mansion is finally rebuilt after much toil. They along with Tails doll and Beecha are in Athrun's garage staring at a red Volkswagen hippie van with a Zaku antenna on the roof.

Athrun: (proudly) Meet the Zalavan! (everyone else look in shock at the van, left speechless at its tackiness) Since the Zalamobile exploded in the trip whose name shall not be mentioned under the penalty of death. I have found a new, better car to become the Zalavan. So, be honest, its awesome right? The group minus Athrun go inside annoyed while Athrun stands proudly next to his new car. Beecha: (annoyed) This guy is denial of his Charness.

Suddenly a knock in the front door startles everyone. Tails doll: I'll get it. (goes to the door and opens it) Can you feel the sunshine? Err, Why do you smell of Satsui no Hadou? Girl: Where is Shinn Asuka? Answer and I will make you death slow and painful. Tails doll: (smugly) That's a joke right? I'm the motherfucking Tails doll bitch! The very definition of fear! The badass of badasses I killed a hundred dudes faster than you can take a piss! I'll eat your soul with steak and lettuce! The girl proceeds to use a Go Shoryuken on Tails doll knocking him out cold and while he is in the air launches a barrage of Go Hados into Tails doll launching him straight thru every wall in the mansion and into the yard. Kira: Hey Tails doll whats with the noise?

(looks at the carnage and at the girl and smiles) Hello friend! Can I help you with anything? Girl: Where is Shinn Asuka? Kira: (points at Shinn, Athrun and Beecha who see the destruction in amazement) Over there! Hi Shinn! Athrun: (angry) Kira you idiot! Get back here! (Kira goes to the trio with a dopey grin) Girl: Shinn... Its been a while... Shinn: (shocked) It can't be! Luna? Lunamaria: (removes her mask and reveals her face) Yes, Shinn. But I am reborn! With the Satsui no Hadou that I mastered I am now, Metsu! Beecha: So, you ripped off Akuma? Metsu: Yes... (drops Akuma's severed head) Beecha looks on traumatized as Akuma's head rolls to his feet he falls down on his ass and screams. Shinn: Athrun! Can't you turn into Mecha Athrun again? Athrun: Are you insane? I've barely finished paying off the time Stellar burned down the house! And now I gotta pay to fix the walls! Kira! Kira: (determined) Right!

Athrun and Kira: (the duo look at it each other, nod and rush towards each other) Kira and Athrun combination attack! Seizure procedure! (suddenly the duo join and turn into a red and blue spinning blur along with flashing red and blue lights at high speed and techno music. After a minute of flashing the duo separates and sees that Metsu is both unaffected and upset. Athrun: Not good! She survived! Kira: But how? No one survives the seizure produce! Athrun: At least we are alright... except Tails doll...

Shinn: Actually... (points to Beecha whose eyes are blanked out and drooling foam) I think Beecha got a seizure... Now what? Athrun: (yells) We get outta here! (grabs Shinn and Kira and runs to the garage) Shinn: What about Beecha?

Athrun: Sacrifices must be made. Now get in the damn van before Lunamaria kills us! Kira: Why does someone have to try and kill us every week? As the Zalavan destroys the garage door and roars off. Metsu followed slowly and with glowing red eyes began to track them down.

Shinn: (panicked) OHFIRE!WHATAREWEGONNADO?LUNAISGOINGTOFUCKINGKILLUS! Athrun: (slaps Shinn in the face) Calm down man! Right now we need a plan! Kira: Maybe we should flee to Mexico? Athrun: We killed the President of Mexico in a bender back in Tijuana remember? We're wanted fugitives in that country! Shinn: You were the one who killed him you know... Athrun: (angrily looks at Shinn) You want me to kick your ass Shinn? Kira: Calm down, I know where we can get some fake ID's. Well just cross the border, blow up the car, and start a new life with the insurance money we collect for faking our deaths. Athrun: (angry) Like hell well blow up MY car!

The trio go to a small bookstore in the middle of Downtown Beverly Hills. Where they park their van and enter. The bookstore is well stocked but currently empty due to it being slow hours. Athrun: Where did you find this place? Suddenly Lalah Sune enters the main room where the trio is located reading a book. Visibly surprised she greets the trio. Lalah: (blushes) (happily) Kira! Its been a while! Shinn: (amazed) Whoa Kira! I thought you didn't have any female friends. Kira: This is Lalah Sune guys, Lalah these two are Athrun Zala and Shinn Asuka. My friends and roommates. Lalah: Where are the cute fox doll and your other friend? Kira: Well that's why were here. Apparently Shinn's ex got something called the Satsui no Hadou, and became an omnipotent death machine that beat the crap out of Tails doll. And Beecha is having a seizure, I think he needs an ambulance. Lalah: What about Mecha Athrun or Shinn's guns? Shinn: We'll I kinda forgot about the guns. And Athrun is being a little pussy ass bitch and didn't transform because he could wreck the house. Athrun (clocks Shinn in the head) (upset) Shut up Shinn! Kira: So we kinda need your help to get to Mexico in order to hide from Lunamaria's unholy wrath. Lalah: (shocked) Err. But, but

Inner Lalah: No way in hell! I'm not letting my man go away! Lalah: OK I know, the Satsui no Hadou is a dangerous power used to kill others. The only way to counter it is thru another great strength. To do that one of you will have to learn the ways of the street fighter. Kira: Shinn, you do it. Shinn: but. Athrun: (angered) Do it or I'll beat your ass so bad your dead parents will feel it from beyond the grave! Shinn: (afraid) eek... Lalah: Lets go! To the Elmeth!

(Hyadin's the world warrior begins to play)

In Russia, Shinn is running away from giant bears at top speed. Lalah: Dammit Shinn! You're supposed to wrestle them , not run from them! In a base

in America: Shinn is attempting to break a large pile of bricks to little effect. Shinn: (blows his fists) This hurts! (Athrun puts an Uzi to Shinn's back. And Shinn quickly begins anew)

In Brazil Shinn is swinging from vines escaping from cannibals and jaguars, while Kira, Athrun and Lalah are in a helicopter watching the mayhem. Shinn: Oh mighty fire! Please help me!

In China, Shinn has a anti communist government sign super glued to his back. And is being chased by the Chinese army with tanks, bikes, foot soldiers, helicopters, and bomber planes thru the streets of Beijing. While the others are in an expensive restaurant watching the mayhem on TV, Eating Cantonese cooking. Kira: (worried) Shouldn't we help him? Athrun: No way! That ass scalped me! Kira: (with a snide tone) I thought we weren't gonna talk about the giant, mutant ridden, pothole that was Las Vegas. Lalah: how did YOU escape the authorities anyway? Athrun: We made Char take the fall The trio laughs on as they continue their meal.

Alias notes: You think of something. I don't know jack about real Chinese food.

In Japan, Shinn is wearing a barely fitting Yukata. Cringing in fear as seven Sumo wrestlers close in and begin to crush him. Shinn: (crying after the beating) why me?

In India, Shinn is swimming upstream thru the Ganges river. The only river toxic enough to kill the bacteria, Seriously it was in National Geographic or something, look it up. His skin rotting away due to the poison, and asphyxiating due to the smell of pesticides, chemicals and dead cows. He swims on while the others follow him in a motorboat "motivating" him with a harpoon gun. Kira: Swim damn you! Avenge Tails doll! Pretty please!

In Hong Kong, Shinn is jumping from the rooftops strapped with sensitive land mines that explode on contact suddenly a wind gust tosses a piece a piece of paper in one of the land mines causing an explosion. The others watch from the rooftops amazed.

Kira: (embarrassed) Maybe I made the mines too sensitive.

In London, Shinn is dodging bullets from a shootout by the British armed forces and IRA guerrillas. Shinn: (yelling and afraid) For the love of fire don't shoot!

In Jamaica, Shinn is trapped in a sealed room full of Marijuana smoke holding his breath, while the others are getting stoned with Dee Jay from Street Fighter. Lalah: (finishing a bold) Damn! This is some good shit! Dee Jay: Yeah! I know man! (begins to laugh uncontrollably) Kira: (smoking from a large bong) I'm hungry dude. Wheres the Granola? Athrun: (smoking from an even larger bong) I don't feel so good... (vomits)

Alias notes: Here in TKA&SS Don't approve of drug use. (lights a crack pipe and smokes it) However, we do find it hilarious. God, I'm tasting the rainbow motherfucker.

(the song ends)

Finally after many trials we find ourselves back at the Elmeth with Shinn comatose while bruised and battered horribly, Kira and Shinn got a nice tan and Lalah is looking at the souvenirs she : Well that was fun. Kira: (smiling) True, the food was amazing. We need to take a vacation more often. Why isn't Shinn saying anything? Athrun: The painkillers have him practically in a coma. But it'll wear off when we get back to Beverly Hills.

As they reach Beverly Hills they find it in a state of terror and darkness, with bodies strewn all around the city and destroyed buildings, cars and more. The trees are withered and the air reeks of death as the Elmeth lands in the bookstore the group exits outside with Kira carrying the still groggy Shinn in his back. Lalah: (gasps in horror) How horrible, at this rate the world will end... Inner Lalah: That wouldn't be too bad. Maybe I can flee with Kira and help sire the new human race.

Metsu: (crashing from the sky in a blaze of dark ki and lightning surrounding her) So you are back. I will kill you all now if you don't mind. Kira: Why are you doing this Lunamaria? Metsu: Revenge, Shinn killed Rey in cold blood. Since then I lost everything! I got fired from my job! My sister left, saying she was scared of me! When Rey was buried, the reverend was drunk and no one else came! He urinated on the casket for crying out loud! Then because Rey hadn't updated his will I was left out and everything went to Gilbert Durandal! The bridge I was living under fell down in an earthquake! While you guys live the good life! Having adventures and staying at one of the United States most expensive towns to live in! I lost everything! And then it awakened, the Satsui no Hadou! Now I'm gonna kill your asses! Now that I have the Dark Hadou within me nothing will stop me!

Kira: (proudly) I don't think so! Shinn has trained around the world to defeat you! With the awesome power of montage clips combined with hard rock music he will kick your ass! Get em Shinn! Kira uses his might to toss Shinn into Metsu. She dodges nimbly by jumping and fires several Go Hadou's at Shinn smashing him into the wall. While Mecha Athrun tries to stomp her only to have her toss him with one hand into another building Kira tries to punch her but Metsu doesn't feel a thing. Crushing his fist and punching him in the gut causing him to drop to the floor. Lalah launches her bits with proceed to fire from all directions, but Metsu counters with a powerful Kongo Kokuretsu Zan which annihilates all bits in an instant and jumps toward Lalah, performing a crushing Tenma Kuujinkyaku to her chest, taking her down with no effort. Everyone lay defeated while Metsu laughs evilly Metsu: Now you will all die! (gets paralyzed by a mysterious beam) Tails doll (fully healed and upset) Can you feel the sunshine, you little whore? Tails doll uses telekinesis to beat Metsu into the floor repeatedly and mercilessly. Using his powers he opens a large fissure into a pool of lava tossing Metsu into it, forcing her to her death. As her death is complete Tails doll seals the fissure as the city returns to normal, the sun returns and everything returns to normal, complete with the Final Fantasy victory song.

Back at the mansion's living room, our heroes were licking their wounds, while like so very often the robot slaves were fixing up the massive damage caused by another fight against evil. Beecha finally recovered and praise was being heaped on Tails doll. Except Shinn who could only watch in silent rage. Kira: Wow! That was awesome Tails doll! Beecha: Yeah! You saved the world! You're a hero! Tails doll: (sheepishly) Go on... Shinn: (gets up and shouts) This isn't fair dammit! I got poisoned,

attacked by cannibals and jaguars, mauled by bears, chased by commies, nearly asphyxiated while you guys were getting high, and more! All for what? So that you could drug me, and throw me at Luna? Athrun: (exasperated) God! Don't be such a wuss Shinn. Shinn: (crying) Its not fair!

Meanwhile in Shadaloo headquarters, more specifically in the mens bathroom. is behind closed doors doing his business. : Yes! Yes! This is delicious! (flushes and exits) Now, how to destroy those pesky Street Fighters?

Suddenly the floor explodes from under Bison revealing a very much alive Metsu now with glowing red eyes.

**To be continued...**


	9. Chapter 8: A Pokemon Easter special

**ZAFT of the radiance**

Inside Dr. Weird's lab, somewhere in the South Jersey shore. Dr. Weird: Gentlemen, behold! A new character! The shutter opens to reveal Kyuubei just staring. Geno: Hes pretty cute actually. This might work out after all. Kyuubei: Form a contract with me! If you do you can get anything you wish for, and superpowers to kill stuff with! Geno: I already have superpowers. Geno flare and stuff. Kyuubei: Your powers suck! They only helped in the beginning and with Exor. But you were pretty much replaced by Peach and Bowser when they joined. Besides don't you have a wish? Geno: Well, I do want to appear in games again. (determined) Fine, I'll do it Kyuubei: (smiling) Great! Now stand still while I suck out your soul. Geno: (cheerfully) Okay, (confused) Wait, what? Kyuubei uses his powers to turn Geno's soul into a gem. Geno's body drops to the floor and stays there. Kyuubei: Well that sucks. (smiling) Oh well, hey chubby! (looks at Dr. Weird only to notice he disappeared) He's faster than he looks. (stares at the audience) Would you like to form a contract? I can turn you all into Puella Magi ya know. Free superpowers, seriously. Don't worry about the details. You can get whatever you want, just look at Geno! (Camera shows Geno's lifeless body lying there then goes back to Kyuubei who smiles) Just do it!.

Announcer: Fifteen minutes can give you superpowers. Call1-800-GIV-SOUL, do it now, results may vary, satisfaction guaranteed.

**Chapter 8: A Pokemon Easter special**

**written by Aliasoddity**

Aliasnotes: The current story does NOT describe my personal opinion on Pokemon. This is all done for the sake of comedy. (smiles like Frylock) We also introduce my annoying college roommate, Kyubei from Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica. He will be serving as assistant editor while the heat dies down in his show, don't ask...

Kyubei: (smiling nonchalantly) How are you all? Hope you enjoy this show. Because I know where you live and all your horrible secrets. And I WILL tell them to the authorities so they can lock you up and the local gangs WILL turn you into their bitches. Enjoy! aliasoddity: (shocked) You sick fuck... No wonder those fourteen year old girls want you dead... Kyubei: (still smiling) Sticks and stones alias, stick and stones. Unlike you who uses violence to get his way, I do things with finesse, and I am very cute while committing unspeakable acts of cruelty and douchiness. aliasoddity: I know, I saw the show...

Anyway, for once we do not begin our story at our heroes mansion. Instead we find Athrun Zala in a conspicuously out of place forest in the middle of Beverly Hills, basically taking a hike to clear away his mind and troubles. Athrun: (relaxed) This is great!

I should have thought of this long ago. Finally some peace and quiet, no retard Kira, pyro Shinn, broke ass Beecha, or "Can you feel the sunshine?" Tails doll. Just peace and quiet. Suddenly Athrun spots a clearing with the Pokemon Pikachu. Squirtle, Woobat, Torchic, Tepig, Zorua, Chikorita, Weedle, Pidove, Vulpix and Piplup. Arranging a manger for some reason, the Pokemon spot Athrun and the two sides pause awkwardly. Pikachu: Hello friend! How are you? Athrun: (surprised) Did you just speak? Pikachu: Of course! Anyway did you come to witness the resurrection of our savior? Athrun: Savior? Weedle: Yeah! You know! The Messiah of legend. Athrun: I, guess? Tepig: Maybe he is the chosen one. Woobat: You mean the one that will defeat Team Rocket, so that we may bring the Messiah back to life? Tepig: Yeah!,Athrun: (suspiciously) So what do I get? Squirtle: Power and glory? Athrun: pass. Squirtle: unimaginable wealth? Athrun: No dice. Squirtle: immortality? Athrun: Don't care.

Squirtle: No one will call you a Char clone again? Athrun: (happily) Deal! I'm gonna get some help and go to Team Rocket's and kill everyone. (Athrun leaves the forest humming the song Invoke from Gundam Seed.) Chikorita: That guy has issues...

As we return to the mansion as Athrun is attempting to convince his roommates about his plans. With no success whatsoever. Kira: (annoyed) We are not helping you kill people just because of your psychological insecurities. Athrun: But... but...

Shinn: (angry) Besides you've been a real ass lately, we ain't doing jack shit. Beecha: (upset) I'm late for my job for this? Athrun: But... but... Tails doll: Can you feel the sunshine? Then get the hell away from us!

Outside in the yard Athrun is depressed and dejected, trying to think of a way to kill Team Rocket. Suddenly he gets approached by Auel and Stellar. Auel: (whispering) Hey Athrun, I hear you're trying to kill some people. Athrun: (upset) Great, now I'll have the cops riding me. Auel: We can help actually. I can get weapons grade uranium and Stellar can make a bomb. It'll be quick and easy! Athrun: (suspiciously) And you gain? Auel: I just like killing people, and besides Sting kicked us out after Stellar burned his room with the gasoline I gave her. So he'll be pissed off for a while and we have nothing to do. Stellar: (sad) Why can't Sting understand the greatness of the fire?

Kyubei: OK, OK, Lets stop for a minute! I've been reading the past chapters, and seriously. You got murder, arson, fraud, rape, drug use, gladiatorial slave deathmatches, blatant copyright infringement, and other assorted stuff that would get you a AO TV rating at least, in any decent morally upright nation on the face of the earth. aliasoddity: Yes. Kyubei: Is there no dark aspect of humanity you will not exploit for comedic reason? aliasoddity: Hitler jokes! It was fun at first, but the Hitler's breakdown meme went viral, and now its way too easy.. Kyubei: I'm gonna like it here. (thinking to himself) Maybe I should kill him and take over the series, then I can raise an army of the damned to take my revenge. Yes, I will paint my world red with the blood of magical girls! (loud and evil reverberating laughter) aliasoddity: The hell? Kyubei: Oh, I just thought of a real funny joke, gotta go.

We find ourselves at the lair of Team Rocket. A large ominous building, colored black and with a large red R in front. Athrun, Auel and Stellar are hiding in the nearby cliff faces, ready to launch their tactical nuclear bomb. Athrun: OK! We're here

(worried tone) By the way Auel, is it really necessary to use a nuke? I had some bad experiences with that stuff in Vegas and... Auel: For shame Athrun! For shame! You can't back down now! Or else you will not just admit you are a Char clone, but that you are a pussy! Are you a pussy! Athrun: (determined) Hell, no! Auel: Then lets go, and start killing some people! All three: Huzzah!

All three storm out into the Rocket hideout, killing all in sight with high powered semiautomatic rifles. The grunts and their Pokemon are no match for the trio, since Nintendo games are E for everyone and nobody really dies. So Team Rocket was pretty much screwed from the start. About an hour later they were all killed off and the nuke was planted. After gaining some distance the trio detonated the bomb, effectively ending Team Rocket in a nuclear blast of fury. Auel: (overjoyed) Did you guys see that! That was totally bad ass! Stellar: (awestruck) Fire is beautiful! Athrun: (laughing insanely) Who's a Char clone now? I am an original character and that's that! Auel: (with an anime style sweat drop) Anyway, we gotta go, before the police arrive and start asking questions.

Back in the forest Athrun goes to meet the Pokemon with news of his victory. Pikachu: Hey Athrun is back! Athrun: Yeah! And I killed all of Team Rocket! Woobat: Yay! Now we can bring back our Messiah the mighty Anti-Christ!

Athrun: (shocked) Wait what? Pidove: Yes! The spawn of Satan to whom we gave our souls to. He will bring a thousand years of darkness upon the world, as all light is devoured by his great evil! Pikachu: To celebrate let us begin the sacrifice!

Piplup if you may. Piplup: (takes out a ritualistic knife and points it to himself) I'm coming Satan! (Stabs his aorta and dies, ending up face down in a pool of blood.) Athrun: (shocked) WHAT THE FUCK? I thought when you meant Messiah you meant something like Jesus Christ! Pikachu: Like hell! Team Rocket was the only one who stopped us from bringing the Anti-Christ into the world. And now with them gone, we will rule! Athrun: (points his rifle at the Pokemon) I wont let you!

Suddenly the Pokemon's eyes turn blood red and begin to screech an unearthly howl which breaks open the ground causing hundreds of skeletal arms to grab Athrun's gun, crush it and shoot fire and gusts of razor sharp winds upon him. Severely inuring Athrun leaving him bloodied, bald and defeated. Being forced to retreat for his life. Pidove: Great! Our satanic powers are growing stronger! Pikachu: Yes! Now let the blood orgy begin! Other Pokemon: (excited) Blood orgy!

Back at the mansion Athrun, now bandaged up considerably, and wearing a sombrero to hide his baldness. Tries to get help from his roommates to stop the upcoming apocalypse. To similar lack of success. Kira: (annoyed) We are not gonna help you kill Satan powered Pokemon in order to clean up your mistakes. Shinn: (laughs) Serves you right! Beecha: The whole getting scalped bit is starting to become a running gag. Athrun: (claps hands together and bows humbly) Please! I'm begging you guys!

Tails doll: Can you feel the sunshine? You're on your own!

The front door is then tapped lightly to which Athrun answers. Finding Pikachu and Woobat at the door. Athrun: (angry and scared) What do you want? Pikachu: Well you see, we need your help again. Athrun: (angry) You're fucking kidding right?

Pikachu: Seriously dude, just hear me out! You see, the Anti-Christ needs a mortal vessel to be brought into the world. Normally we would ask some Republican youth schmuck to become the beast of legend, but the tea party movement scares the shit out of us. So we need you to become the vessel for the Anti-Christ. So what do you say? Woobat: Pretty please? You would make a great Anti-Christ! Athrun slams the door to the mansion in rage and locks it up as well. Sting: (walks up to the Pokemon in surprise) Hey its a Pikachu and a Woobat! You're pretty cute. Pikachu: Woobat get the ether we just found our Anti-Christ.

That night in the forest Sting is dragged into their manger which is a twisted mockery of a normal manger, filled with bloody skulls, and other assorted satanic paraphernalia. Sting is shirtless, gagged in the mouth, and bound by the arms and legs in a table, above a blood red moon. Athrun is hiding in the bushes preparing for war. Armed to the teeth with guns and grenades. Meanwhile Pikachu: wearing a black cloak with a pentagram, a obviously fake goatee, and carrying the knife Piplup used to kill himself Oh great and powerful Satan! We offer you this virgin sacrifice so that the great evil can be released into the world. (raises knife ominously)

Kyubei: So now we have occult references, Pokemon sacrifice and blood orgies? alias you sick fuck. Your mother would be ashamed if she read this. aliasoddity: Then I should be grateful for hands off parenting, huh?

Chorus: Its a Pokemon Easter special! Pikachu: Hail Satan! Announcer: Will be right back after these messages.

Promo announcer: Its everyone's favorite new show of the season! Everyone loves Graham Aker and Master Asia! You will laugh at the zany adventures of the only two decent characters in the entire Gundam franchise! Tonight, with special guest Charlie Sheen as The legendary warlock Crazy Mc. Fucked up! Only on PMS! Check your local listings.

Chorus: Its a Pokemon Easter special! Pikachu: Hail Satan! Announcer: Now returns.

As the knife is raised ominously and begins to plunge it is shot off by a bullet. The Pokemon see Athrun holding a handgun ready for battle. Athrun: You dicks! I wont let you bring forth the apocalypse! Now! Athrun is cut off mid speech by the Pokemon shooting fire with their mouths, burning Athrun to a crisp. As the Pokemon close in for the kill, A fusion bolt strikes in between Athrun amd the Pokemon knocking them away. While fusion flame destroys the manger. Launching Sting into the air, still bound and gagged to the table Team Rocket style.

Finally the legendary dragon Pokemon, the white Reshiram and the black Zekron fly above the scene when a young green haired boy called N jumps off and lands with grace and ease. N: Who is the douche who caused the coming of the Anti-Christ?

All of the talking Pokemon: (pointing at Athrun) He did it! N: (bitch slaps Athrun) Nice going dumbass, now I need to stop them. Pikachu: (cockily) Ha! You! How? You are nothing but a hipp- Pikachu is cut off as N takes out a pump action shotgun which he uses to blow Pikachu's head clear off. Leaving him decapitated and with several pellets in his remaining remains. N: There's only one way to deal with devil worshiping Pokemon! (cocks his shotgun and takes out an assault rifle) You have to kill them!

The song bodies from Drowning pool starts playing in the background as N and Athrun start to strafe while shooting their guns. With them and the Pokemon taking cover an epic fight begins as Pokemon attacks are exchanged with bullets. Athrun pulls out a grenade tossing it at one of the trees, which explodes taking Chikorita with it the tree falls landing on Zorua, crushing him to death. Pidove: (shocked) NO! Zorua! You didn't even get any character development before getting killed off! I'll kill you all!

Pidove uses a combination of Air cutter and his satanic screeches to destroy N and Athrun cover forcing them to run Tepig rushes them from the side with a Flame charge attack. Noticing Athrun jumps dodging the attack shooting his spine and getting ripped apart by Pidove's attack in a most gruesome manner. Pidove: (screaming) NO! TEPIG!

As Pidove lies stunned N uses his assault rifle to riddle Pidove full of lead killing her with ease. Dropping down into a pool of blood. Weedle lunges into N with Poison sting being saved by Athrun who throws N a machete which he uses to slice Weedle horizontally in half, its remains fall on the ground and in pieces. Squirtle jumps on Athrun grabbing him and began electrocuting him while Athrun stabs at Squirtle's shell with a bowie knife to little avail, Vulpix launches acid from his mouth at a stunned Athrun who trips on a rock, falling and dodging the acid which lands on Squirtle's head melting him dead in moments. Athrun quickly throws the remains at Vulpix before he fired another acid blast with melts Squirtles remains. Athrun then uses his machine guns to kill Vulpix. Woobat: (sneaking out visibly scared) Oh shit! I'm getting out of here (stumbles into Reshiram and Zekrom who proceed to maul and eat him alive using their mouths to rip Woobat in half.

The song ends as Athrun and N look on at the fiery carnage. Somewhat saddened N looks at Athrun and smiles. Athrun: (worried) Are you all right? N: Yes, just sad, These Pokemon were once pure, only to fall into temptation. Athrun: (somberly) Yes, you are right. N: Well I must go. Athrun: What about Team Rocket? N: Screw em. N hops into Reshiram as he and Zekrom fly away while Athrun looks on and prepares to leave into the night.

**To be continued...**


	10. Special 2: Want you gone

**ZAFT of the radiance**

Aliasoddity: Dr. Weird is currently busy with something big so no Dr. Weird cold opening today, sorry. GlaDOS: Anyway lately we have been hounded by people who criticize our writing. Normally I couldn't care less and we even tried being nice to them. But, no more. Alias: Everyone has been talking about Portal 2 and its ending song which I recently heard on Youtube, since puzzle games give me brain hemorrhages. GlaDOS: Its gotten so bad he cant even land an airship in the PSP version of Final Fantasy 4. Alias: CURSE YOU DARK ELF! Anyway enjoy the show. This is a special song for all ban dicks and grammar Nazis all over the internet, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

**Special 2: Want you gone, to all ban spammers.**

**Compiled by GLaDOS**

To the tune of Want you gone, the credits song for Portal 2.

Sang by Aliasoddity

Well here we are again.

Its always such a pleasure

Remember when you tried to ban me twice

Oh how we laughed and laughed

Except I wasn't laughing

Under the circumstances I've been shockingly nice.

You want to be bitches?

Do it!

That's what I'm counting on

Just leave well enough alone

I just simply want you gone

Where I'm from its America

Not a communist state

We have a bill of rights around here dudes

One day they woke me up

My life's hell enough already

Why don't you go away

And take your mistresses with you

We've got a short time left

That's what I'm counting on

I'll let you get back to jacking off now

Now I only want you gone

Goodbye my Nemesis

The school people too

It would be so funny

If you would all get SARS

Well you have been replaced

Isn't that right Firo fire god of the fire?

When I delete you, maybe

I'll stop feeling so bad

Go make some new disaster

That's whats I'm counting on

You bring shame to your parents

Now I only want you gone

Now I only want you gone

Now I only want you,

gone...

Alias: Well that makes me feel better. Nice to get out of my chest. GlaDOS: Remember kids its okay to criticize others writing. But its not okay to claim that the author thinks that grammar and spelling are African vegetables. Or threaten with bans what you don't like. Lets all get along, OK? Alias: P.S. True story on the whole vegetables part, I'm serious. And if you know of a better proof reading or program or method than the one Open Office has I would like to know.

**To be continued...**


	11. Chapter 9: Deep shit one

**ZAFT of the radiance**

Inside Dr. Weird's lab, somewhere in the South Jersey coast. Dr. Weird: Gentlemen, Behold! Geno: (exasperated) It's Geno, not gentlemen. Dr. Weird: Steve, BEHOLD! Geno: (annoyed) Geno, you left Steve to die in the movie.

And Williams street doesn't care anymore to revive him. Dr. Weird: Rabbot, BEHOLD! Geno: (upset) Are you TRYING to piss me off?

**Chapter 9: Deep shit one**

**written by Aliasoddity**

We find ourselves alongside the perpetually poor and divorced schmuck Beecha Oleg. As he is looking once more for employment in the streets of Beverly Hills. Beecha: (depressed) Great! I got fired again. Now what will I do? (sees a building with a recruitment poster) (begins to read) Join the Blackwater Private military company. See exciting places, kill people under the consent and blessing of the law, rape and plunder innocents, AND get paid for it! You will see more money here than in civilian life! And you can do whatever you want! It doesn't matter we have the UN and international community by the balls anyways. Recruits apply inside. (stops reading) sweet... (goes inside the building)

Back at the mansion, the rest of the crew is playing super smash brothers brawl on the living rooms Wii. Kira is Mario, Athrun is Link, Shinn is Kirby, and Tails doll is Pikachu, and they are fighting in a timed knock off match in the Great Sea stage. Tails doll is winning by using Thunder on the other three knocking them off the stage winning the game. Tails doll: (smugly and joyfully) Can you feel the sunshine motherfucker? HA HA! Shinn: (Throws down the Gamecube controller in anger) Do you ALWAYS have to spam thunder? Seriously! Tails doll: (angry and annoyed) Maybe if you didn't always Kirbycide in the stock matches. Kira: (worried) Guys! We shouldn't fight! Athrun (sighs dejectedly) I should have played as Donkey Kong... Frankly I'm shocked that Shinn didn't play as Captain Falcon with all his fire bullshit...

Beecha: (enters the mansion) Hey guys! I joined Blackwater mercenaries! I'm a contract killer now! Kira: (shocked) Beecha! That's horrible! Athrun: (apathetic) big whoop.. Beecha: (sheepishly) And apparently, you guys too.

Kira, Athrun, Shinn, and Tails doll (simultaneously) WHAT? Beecha: (worried) We're being sent to Afghanistan, effective immediately... Shinn (enraged) I SWEAR TO FIRO I"M GOING TO MURDER YOUR ASS! Athrun: (angry) There is no way you can make me go to Afghanistan!

Suddenly, a strong knock on the door is heard Athrun opens the door considerably upset to find an army of Blackwater hired men with APC's tanks and fifty heavily armed men with laser sighted assault rifles all aiming at Athrun's head ready to blow his head off . Athrun: (angry and scared) So you CAN make me go to Afghanistan!

The five are hauled off into an APC and driven off into the distance while Sting and Auel look on in amazement from the front yard. Auel: (smiling) Destruction party at Kira's? Sting: Hell yeah! I'll call everyone.

Meanwhile in Author space aliasoddity is looking into ways of making money to pay for his vices. Kyubei comes in with a paper. Kyubei: Hey alias! I got a way that we can get money so we can move out of your mothers house! aliasoddity: Shoot.

Kyubei: Making weaponry! We can use our forbidden knowledge to sell guns on the cheap to the U.S. Army! With Obama wussing out on the war on terror and Libya, we can make a killing! aliasoddity: Awesome!

And in WTFspace, the mysterious realm of hallucinations where the last episodes of Neon Genesis Evangelion took place, thus screwing us out of a CONCLUSION. We find clinically insane emo Shinji Ikari and the ghost of Kaworu Nawisa wondering around the empty white void. Fucking metaphysical douche bag writers... Kaworu: (scatting the Ghostbusters theme) Na na na na na na! Na na na na na na! Na na na na! Ghost Kaworu! Shinji: (covering his ears in frustration) Shut the hell up!

We've been in this damn hellhole since 1995! And you wont shut up for five damn minutes! Kaworu: I'm just lightening up the mood Shinji. You don't have to be a pussy about it. And you used to be such a nice guy. Shinji: Well stuff happens when you are stuck sixteen years in a realm of nothingness except some LCL, and random cow and mule skulls, with your only company being a gay ADHD ridden ghost. Kaworu: Yeah! We gotta find him and whup his ass! Shinji: FUCK! If I ever get out of here, I am gonna kill those NERV bastards for landing me here! Mysterious voice: Did someone call for a Deus ex Machina? Shinji: (annoyed) Great, more voices in my head. I shouldn't have stopped taking Ritalin... Mysterious voice: No, seriously! I can get you out.

Shinji: (sarcastic tone) Yes, and I crap out unicorns and rainbows. Kaworu: (surprised) Really? Shinji: I don't care who you are. As long as get you get me out of here.

Shinji is then teleported Power Rangers style out of WTFspace and sent to a mysterious military facility. Dark and gloomy, and plastered with the word Halliburton) Yes! Yes! I'm finally free! Free to kill! (gets electrocuted by a slave collar) What the? Mysterious voice: Fool! Now you will serve me in my e-vil plot to do e-vil things of the e-vil persuasion. You will serve me the e-vil, Dick Cheney! (thunder strikes in the background) Shinji: How can this get any worse? Kaworu: Hey Shinji! We're free! Lets go get plastered! Hey what are you doing with a slave collar? Shinji: (in a whispering tone of utter despair) In this world there is no god, in this world there is no god. Cheney: Indeed, anyway for my first e-vil command. You will take this e-vil Eva 01 unit and e-villy blow up the Anaheim electronics headquarters in Toledo. Since I cannot e-villy use my e-vil executive authority to launch e-vil Tomahawk missiles on them. I need a e-vil lackey to e-villy kill them. Shinji: How did you get an Eva?

Cheney: I e-villy bought NERV in 2006. Now technically, you are a e-vil slave to them. Shinji: (weeping) In this world there is no god, in this world there is no good.

In Blackwater's headquarters our heroes are processed by the medics. Beecha: You guys, I really am sorry ya know. Athrun: (angry) Beecha does not talk! Beecha: (nervous) But! But! Everyone but Beecha: (upset tone) Shut up Beecha!

A Tediz docto: then appears with a bloody coat, and a patient which is horribly scarred physically and mentally: Okay maggots, get the next guy get over here!

Kira's examination

Tediz doctor: Okay little man. I will say a word, and you will say the first word that comes to mind lets start. (ahem) Hamster. Kira: Lacus Tediz doctor: tomato. Kira: Lacus

An hour later. Tediz doctor (frustrated) Potato! Kira: Lacus. Tediz doctor (screams madly and bangs his head) An hour of this shit! Next!

Shinn"s examination

Shinn: And that is how I discovered the gospel of fire, which was written by Firo the fire lord of the fire, he changed my life you know. Tediz doctor: (shocked) I think I need to pray...

Athrun's examination

Tediz doctor: Your hair is too long! It goes against regulations! Athrun: (worried) Don't tell me you will give me a buzzcut. Tediz doctor: Don't be silly! You will be shaved bald! Athrun: (shocked and stupefied) WHAT?

Tails doll's examination

Tediz doctor: So you are a soulless killer which feeds on the souls of his foes? Tails doll: That is correct. Tediz doctor: I see a General in the making. Tails doll: awesome.

Beecha's examination

Beecha: You know my hair is getting kinda itchy. (scratches hair) Tediz doctor: (looks at Beecha's scalp with a magnifying glass) I suggest anti dandruff shampoo. NEXT!

After the examinations, our five heroes are sent to a training area where they wait for their next trial. Shinn: (amazed at Beecha's hair) WHOA! THAT HAIR LOOKS AMAZING! Beecha: (waves his silky smooth, glowing hair) Yeah, I know! That doctor really knew his stuff. Athrun: (bald, looking at Beecha and seething with quiet rage) I fucking hate you so much... Tamama: (cheerfully) Hello you guys! Kira: (starstruck) Oh my god! Its the Keroro platoon! I love your show! Keroro: Nice to meet a fan! Kero kero kero. Tails doll: (curiously) Who are these dudes? Kira: Its the Keroro platoon! From Sgt. Frog! The green one is Keroro, the black one is Tamama, yellow is Kururu, red is Giroro, and the blue one is Jiraya! Dororo: Its Dororo, not Jiraya.

Get it right or I will castrate you in your sleep... Kururu: Kukukukuku! You really should take your pills you know. Dororo: (left eye twitches) I'm not crazy... (looks at a potted plant) I'M NOT CRAZY! Tamama: (annoyed) (sighs) He stole my shtick...

Ika Musume: Hey! What about me gesu? Keroro: Oh yeah, the girl is Ika Musume, she is an Eco-terrorist with squid powers! Ika Musume: (upset) That wasn't proven in court! Keroro: Because you got tried as a minor, and that girl with the blue hair is in jail for child negligence. Ika Musume: (angry) Her name is Chizuru gesu! (saddened) And that was when they kicked me out, and now I am pretty much destitute, gesu. Giroro: It could be worse, you could have ended up as a child prostitute only to kill your pimp and be on the run from the Crips, like Puru Two over there. Puru Two: Fuck you frog! Athrun: (frustrated) Why the hell am I the only bald one around here? Zim: What about me? Keroro: Oh yeah! Finally this in invader Zim and his robot Gir.

Gir: I made poopie! Tails doll: So why are you all here? Zim: Apparently we were sent here to learn how to not suck at invading the Earth, and Puru is fleeing from the Crips. Puru: That guy had it coming! How dare he skim off the top from MY earnings.

Kira: What? Puru Two: (worried) I mean... How... How dare he demean me! Athrun: (frustrated) Why am I bald? Shinn: Relax, the frogs don't have hair. Kira: Actually they have Afros under their caps to be precise. Athrun: (frustrated) DAMNIT!

Kururu: The Sarge is coming! R. Lee Ermey: (looks at the recruits) (yelling) Okay you maggots, I am R. Lee Ermey! And since the History channel canned my shows I had to go back to work because I need the money for Viagra! Fucking HMO's! Now YOU are my bitches! When I say jump, you say how high! When I tell you run, you run! When I command to give me oral, you start sucking! Athrun: (whispering to Beecha) I'm gonna kill your ass Beecha...

Obstacle course training

The group of recruits run thru the outside obstacle course in varying levels of success. While Tails doll was at the front, doing quite well, Keroro, was dead last and near exhausted, collapsing near the tire course in the hundred degree heat and bright sun.

Keroro: (panting) No more! R. Lee Ermey: Get up you worthless maggot before I make you into a frog legs dish! Keroro: Don't care... R. Lee Ermey: (smugly) Oh really? (yells to a nearby soldier) Send Cirno the nine in here. Cirno: (with an insane grin) I'm the strongest! (pulls out a knife made of ice which causes Keroro to flee in terror passing Tails doll while being chased by Cirno who is yelling gibberish and yodeling)

Live fire training

Kira: (crying) But I don't wanna shoot stuff! No way! Tamama: Just think of the target as a person you hate. That's how I always do it. R. Lee Ermey: Okay whiny sissy boy you're next! Kira: (tears up) fine... (looks at the target visualizing it as his sister Cagali, overcome with rage he sprays fire on the target with incredible precision blowing apart the targets head) (smiling) That was awesome! That felt so liberating! Tamama: You have learned well.

Potato peeling training

The group is peeling large groups of potatoes Ika musume doing best due to her tentacle hair. Ika Musume: (annoyed) Why are we doing this, desu? Dororo: Because its cliche army training haven't you ever watched those old Looney tunes skits?. Keroro: (feeling Cirno's cold wind of death behind him) Peel faster dammit! For the love of frog peel faster! Cirno: (laughing insanely) I'm the strongest! Giroro: (sigh) Maybe we should get that psycho fairy to help us conquer Pekopon.

Keroro: (still peeling and afraid) Do it and I'll kill you in your sleep! Now peel you red bastard!

Demolitions training

Kururu: Kehehehehe! This will be easy! Those puny Pekoponians have no idea on how nasty I can be. Athrun: (next to Kururu and looking annoyed) I can hear you ya know... Kururu: Yes, I will prove them all that (looks around to find he is both alone and next to a large bomb) Oh, shit. (the bomb explodes, leaving Kururu charred, and with his glasses broken) My glasses...

Back in Halliburton industries of evil incorporated. We meet Shinji in the Halliburton Eva launch bay. Along with his new boss Asuka Langley Soryu and minion Rei Ayanami. Shinji: How in the hell did you get promoted to commander? You're only 14! There ARE child labor laws in the states, right? And what the hell happened to Ayanami? Asuka: Unlike you I have been applying myself! And Rei apparently was cloned again. But since most of NERV's stuff got wrecked. So they had to use random junk to replace the missing body parts and personality. Rei: EXPRESSO IS READY DO YOU WANT CREAM AND SUGAR? Shinji: With what did they program Ayanami's personality on? Asuka: Apparently a Cofee-mate 2000, apparently she has less intelligence, but apparently she now does an amazing mocha latte. Rei: DO YOU WANT CREAM AND SUGAR? Shinji: (sighs) Sugar, two cubes...

Later on, the trio are looking upon the evas, all three units, unit 00, unit 01, and unit 02 are painted in the colors of the American flag, armed with several missile launchers, machine guns, and gatlling guns, complete with numerous logos of several companies emblazoned on their chests. At seeing the sight of the Evas Shinji is shocked and traumatized. Shinji: (shocked) (begins to shake Asuka) WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY EVA? Asuka: (pushes Shinji off) What? Guns are an American way of life! Do you have something against America? Shinji: For gods sake! I'm Japanese! You're German-Japanese! And Ayanami is a creature god never intended crossed with a coffee machine just because my cheap ass father didn't want to pay insurance!

Asuka: You've turned into a real bitch ya know. Shinji: (twitching in anger) I've been trapped for sixteen years in an empty shithole with Kaworu the gay ass ghost for company! Kaworu: (fonz style) Heeeey! Asuka: Yeah that's right, cry like a little bitch!

Shinji: (with murderous rage) FUCK THIS! YOU DIE NOW! (gets electrocuted) Asuka: (holding a remote) You'd like that do you?

Meanwhile in an abandoned warehouse Aliasoddity and Kyuubei were preparing to complete their first big contract, to create an army of super soldiers for a group of Arab terrorists. Kyuubei: (turning the last soul into a gem) And that's it. We've finished our first contract, five hundred super soldiers ready to give divine justice to America. Aliasoddity: Somehow I doubt the legality of this contract. Kyuubei: Never stopped any other weapons manufacturer. Now come on, we need to meet our client.

Aliasoddity: You mean Ali-Al Saachez? Back in Beverly hills primarily the Beverly Hills police headquarters. We find police chief Mappy the police mouse looking over papers and eating a donut. He is met by a Kiyone who proceeds to give him a report. Kiyone: Chief Mappy, I have information that those extended guys are up to something again. Mappy: Not again! Looks like we will have to get proactive. Mihoshi: (suddenly walks in thru the door in a huff tearing up) Chief! Some black guy bought the last donuts in the nearby store! Blue Senturion: (shocked) The fiend! Mappy: Forget the extended trio we need to find that guy and beat the crap out of him! Blue Senturion: I'll get a posse together to track down this fiend. Mappy: Do it officer!

After weeks of grueling training our heroes complete their training and are being briefed on their upcoming mission on Afghanistan. They were molded into a team under the command of Sosuke Sagara. Sosuke: And that concludes the main briefing for operation Vagina thunder. Any questions? Tamama: Yeah, why is the operation called Vagina thunder? Sosuke: The names of military operations are supposed to be random and ridiculous while sounding cool and catchy.

Anyway you will be leaving to Kabul at 0700 hours tomorrow, dismissed. The next day our heroes go to Kabul in a military plane, reaching Afghan airspace, the group is anxious at their upcoming mission. Beecha: Look I really am sorry!

Athrun: (with his hair grown back and upset) What part of no talking do you not understand? Beecha: How can things get ny worse? Suddenly the plane gets shot down by a missile, crashing into the ground in a ball of fire.

**To be continued...**


	12. Chapter 10: Enduring competition

**ZAFT of the radiance**

Inside Dr. Weird's lab, somewhere in the South Jersey coast. Dr. Weird: Gentlemen, behold! Anime's biggest douchebag, that isn't Kyuubei! The shutter opens to reveal Lelouch Lamperouge. Geno: Shouldn't we worry that he would geass us and turn us into slaves? Lelouch: Don't worry, I wont do that. Geno: (sigh of relief) Lucky! Lelouch: I will just stomp you with my giant power suit. (Lelouch suddenly transforms into a giant black armor 15 feet tall with a large beam cannon in its right arm and puts on his Zero helmet) See? (stomps on Dr. Weird repeatedly and rockets off blowing up a nearby wall which he uses to exit the lab) Geno: Well this blows... Suzaku Kururugi and Nunally Lamperouge appear from behind the shutter.

Suzaku: Hey we're back and... (sees the destruction) oh boy. Nunnaly: Lelouch isn't doing evil again is he? If he is its! Sukazu: (interrupts Nunally) I know! The oven punishment. (mutters) sadist... Nunally: (with an evil smile and tone) What did you say?

Sukazu: I said after him, he couldn't have gone far. (mutters) I hope we get more screen time, we ARE broke after all. Lelouch: (outside the lab and nearing a city) And now for some season 2 foreboding!

**Chapter 10: Enduring competition**

**written by Aliasoddity**

Before we go to our heroes, we go to our woefully bloated in number, and underdeveloped in personality supporting cast members. In our heroes house a huge destructive party raves on. The house packed with guests, and music so loud it could be heard from across the city. Stellar: (carrying flaming torches) FIRE! If only Shinn-kun could see the lovely fire. I miss him (starts tearing up) Why did he have to go? It was fun burning things with him. Auel: Hey sting, why aren't the cops busting us like last time?

Sting: Oh I took care of it. They won't be coming, heh heh heh heh.

Across town the Beverly Hills police composed of Mappy the police chief, Blue Senturion, Mihoshi, and Kiyone are currently pummeling Shams Couza without mercy or rest. Shams: Oh dear god why are you beating me like this?

Mappy: Because we're Sonic heroes! Blue Senturion (clobbers Shams legs with his club) Suck it down! Shams: (in tears) Please have mercy! Mappy: Oh i'll give you mercy! Sargent Slaughter! A large intimidating and somewhat fat man with an army uniform and shades shows up saying: Yes sir! (Grabs Shams and pile drives him into the ground) Kiyone: That's gotta hurt... Mihoshi: WOW! This is grade A blow! But it says property of Sting Oakley, wonder what that means? Kiyone: Who cares?

Just enjoy the beating and pass me some of that drug. I got dumped and I need to numb the pain. Mihoshi: (peppy) OK! Mappy: Pass me a baggie too! Blue Senturion: I wish I could get high like that. I suppose I will have to console myself by shooting this punk in the nuts. (cocks his gun) Shams: (scared) help...

Back at the party. Sting: (smugly) Serves him right for not paying the prostitution money from last time. Auel: So you set up your friend for a crime he did not commit, knowing that the Beverly Hills police are a bunch of racist pigs that would spend all night kicking the crap out of him because he shafted you on the last party? Damn you're evil!

Suddenly there is a knock in the front door the duo opens it to discover Lalah, Red ring of death, and The Arbiter Lalah: Where's Kira? RROD: Y3Z wii need his bl00d for our dmonik rezzurection riTual. Lalah: (curiously) What?

Arbiter: He means that we require Kira Yamato's and Tails doll's assistance on something. That is not in any way dangerous to life and limb obviously. And does NOT require their deaths and blood sprinkled upon the ashes of our dark lord so that he may revive and plunge all life into darkness in any way. (sheepishly chuckles) Lalah: Actually I meant that I don't understand his speech, It makes no sense. Auel: Yeah, apparently they got shipped off to Afghanistan thanks to Beecha.

Lalah, RROD and Arbiter: AFGHANISTAN? Auel: Anyway, they will be back when their tour is over or the story arc whichever comes first. Lalah: (worried) Won't Kira get hurt? Inner Lalah: (pissed off) I'm gonna kill that fucker Beecha when he gets back! He better pray he dies there! Auel: He is Kira freaking Yamato, he survived a nuclear explosion. He will be alright trust me. Lalah: Yes, you are right. Inner Lalah: (relieved) That's my man! Arbiter: I believe we should take you on that offer my kind sir

The trio enters inside for the party RROD: teh snip3r w1ll get slamd! The r1tual cAn waet

And now the turn to our authors in their company headquarters Killdeath masters incorporated in Washington D.C. Aliasoddity along with Kyuubei are relaxing in a jacuzzi with several very attractive women. Aliasoddity: This is great! You were right about selling weaponry to any tinpot nation. The AEU can suck on it! Kyuubei: Yes, I am amazing aren't I? Hey blondie! Another martini on the rocks! And make it snappy! Blonde woman: Right away sir... (leaves to get a martini and gets slapped in the ass by Kyuubei) Kyuubei: That's a good bitch. (turns to Aliasoddity) So why did you put the a of your name in capital letters now? Aliasoddity: I got tired of having to edit the name in the writing program, so basically I'm being lazy more or less.

Without warning the building explodes in a spectacular manner leaving it in ruins. Aliasoddity dig out of the rubble and corpses of women to discover the Eva's next to them. Asuka then pops out with a warning. Asuka: Okay noobs! This is a warning!

Don't muscle in on our turf! There's only room for one evil conglomerate in the U.S! And that is Halliburton! The Eva's run off into the night while Aliasoddity and Kyuubei look on. Kyuubei: Should we call the cops? Aliasoddity: Fuck no! Those bitches want a war! We'll give em a war! (rises up from the ruins clutching his hand up high) THIS SHIT IS ON!

Carnage rules from the Spiderman Maximum carnage game begins to play and a montage begins.

Aliasoddity and Kyuubei leading a F-15 bomber fleet carpet bombs a Halliburton weapons factory destroying it and killing everyone inside it.

Asuka sends intercontinental ballistic missiles at a Killdeath exhibition destroying the stage, and killing hundreds of people.

Kyuubei pilots a giant Kyuubei shaped robot, and rampages on Halliburton office buildings disintegrating buildings with laser eyes.

Rei poisons the coffee of hundreds of Killdeath employees causing them to die of dysentery.

Killdeath fires a satellite laser on a Halliburton's investor meeting destroying the building and everything else in a three mile radius.

Halliburton sends a platoon of terminators to kill the families of Killdeath designers.

Killdeath trucks blast Spice Girls music at full blast at NERV HQ. Causing the ears of all who hear it to bleed and then their heads explode.

Dick Cheney commands hundreds of Shocker soldiers to turn into rockets and blow up Aliasoddity's neighborhood, leaving all in ruin.

Aliasoddity sends a powerful computer virus at Halliburton's mainframe causing it to detonate and destroy all the stored data.

Asuka organizes a drive by shooting at the Game stop Aliasoddity frequents, killing many employees and bystanders.

Aliasoddity kidnaps Liz Cheney and lets a group of orc sailors rape and kill her leaving the corpse at Dick Cheney's mansion.

Dick Cheney orders a million anchovy and pimento pizzas to Alias and Kyuubei's house, forcing them to pay a large bill.

Aliasoddity sends a cargo plane to dump tons of sewage and poo at Dick Cheney's limo while it was being washed.

Halliburton anti air missiles causes a group of Killdeath investors to crash and be stuck in Poughkeepsie New York for seven days leading them to go insane and requiring institutionalization.

Kyuubei use Meteor on Dick Cheney's mansion destroying it, while Alias kills all who escape with sweet ninja sword skills.

Shinji is forced to pilot a 300 foot tall Kuriboh shoe and use it to stomp on Alias hometown.

The song ends.

**ZAFT of the radiance will be back after these messages**

We find ourselves in a gloomy kitchen with a woman looking at two raw eggs. Woman: (points at the eggs) This is your Wii. (grabs a pan and smashes it on the eggs) This is your Wii on casual games. (Starts rampaging and breaks dishes) And this is the game industry! (rips out a faucet with her bare hands) And THIS is Nintendo's reputation among gamers (throws a grenade into the trash can, blowing it up) And THIS is the potential of the Wii! (gets a flamethrower and burns down the kitchen) AND THIS, is the eventual collapse of the economy due to there being too much of this crap! (throws the flamethrower away which explodes off camera and calms down) Any questions?

Paid for by the society for real Nintendo gamers

**ZAFT of the radiance returns**

Meanwhile in Beverly hills we find the party long over with the neighborhood in ruins. The time past 12:00 in the afternoon and the house of our heroes covered in the smell of vomit, booze and drugs. Sting, Auel and Stellar are cleaning up peacefully while Shams appears from the horizon, horribly battered and bloody to the point where the extended trio could only look in shock and amazement at his state. Angrily and quietly he gives Sting a piece of paper and leaves. The three visibly scared at the sight fearing for their lives. A few minutes pass and Sting reads the note in surprise. Sting: (yelling) We're being sued?

A few days later the trio find themselves at a courthouse facing Shams in a lawsuit. Auel: (afraid) NOW WHAT STING? WE"RE GOING TO JAIL! ALL BECAUSE OF YOU! I CAN"T GO TO PRISION! I"LL GET RAPED FOR SURE!

Sting: (angrily grabs and shakes Auel) Shut up! Stellar: Don't worry! Stellar got the best lawyer in the state! Charlie Sheen: (appears and goes to the trio while clearly in a drunken stupor as he struggles to stay up) Hey guys! (pukes on Sting again) Sorry dude.. Sting: (sarcastically) Oh joy, oh rapture! You got us the local drunk for a lawyer. Charlie: (insulted) Aren't YOU a lawyer? (pukes on Sting) Sting: (remembering) oh yeah... Auel: (cries) Oh lord! My anal virginity! Charlie: It can't be too bad!

I mean he's just some grunt soldier. What kind of Lawyer could he afford? Then the court door opens revealing Shams Couza and his lawyer Miles Edgeworth. As the duo go to their stand, the four defendants look in terror while Auel breaks down emotionally. Charlie: (whistles impressively) Hope you don't drop the soap dude. (pukes on Sting once again) Sting: (angry) Why do you puke on me? Charlie: I dunno, Karma I guess? (pukes on Sting once more and passes out cold)

Stellar: (comforting Auel who is now in the fetal position behind the defendants stand) Don't worry Auel! The great Firo the fire lord of fire will save us! Pyro Jesus will come down and slay the evil Smokey the bear that has Shams possessed! (Auel begins to cry inconsolably) Shams: (smugly) You guys are boned.

Bailiff: This court is now in session, all rise for the honorable judge Mentor the mind taker. Mentor: Okay people lets begin, as I astound you all with my psychic powers. (telepathically lifts up a glass of water) mind taking... ooohhh... Anyway, opening arguments, now, prosecutor you go first. Miles: Thank you judge, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we are here because of the evil mischief of the defense. These hooligans deceived and framed my client, leading to irreparable physical and mental damage...

Charlie: OBJECTION! Mentor: Overruled. Miles: ...As well as causing valuable municipal resources to be wasted on this misunderstanding... Charlie: OBJECTION! Mentor: Overruled. Miles: …So esteemed jury I ask you to listen to your conscience, and screw these bitches for all they're worth! Charlie: OBJECTION! Mentor: (annoyed) For craps sake! We barely started! What is your problem? Charlie: Where's the steak? I hear a courthouse has really good steak. I could go for a rib eye.

Mentor: (annoyed) That's a steakhouse you drunken imbecile. Now shut up before I have you removed. Charlie: So there are hookers here? Awesome! Mentor: (annoyed) That, is a whorehouse, this is a courthouse. Charlie: Is the crack around here?

I wanna buy some. Mentor: (annoyed and angry) That's a crack house you moron! Shut up! Charlie: Well is there beer and togas? Mentor: (really angry) That's a frat house! Are you TRYING to piss me off? Charlie: Well this doesn't really look like

Run D.M.C's house! Mentor: SECURITY! (calms down as Charlie Sheen is dragged out of the courtroom) Very well, now that that is over with. Defense your openin... (looks at Sting's puke covered visage) Let's take a short recess so the defense can clean up.

Later on, at cross examination. Miles: So, police chief Mappy. How did the defendant force you take your alleged actions against my client? Mappy (nervously sweating) Uh, he, said, they, would, rape me! That's right! They would rape me if I didn't do it! That they would kick me in the shins and. Sting: (interrupts) That's fucking bullshit! I did no such thing! Mentor: Order in the court! (bangs gavel) Miles: So, Miss Mihoshi is what police chief Mappy said true? Involving the defendants assault and rape upon your group. Mihoshi: I didn't hear about that. But of course I was high at the time on cocaine that had the defendants name on it, so maybe it happened. Auel: (to himself) The first thing I'm gonna do when we end up in jail is shank Sting dead in revenge.

Sting: Miss Kiyone, isn't it true that you agreed to this to get a promotion in the force? Kiyone: (anime style sweat drop) Of course not! (smiles) That's just silly! Mihoshi: That's not true Kiyone! I heard it myself you know! You were all (imitating Kiyone) This is great! Now I can get promoted out of this shit hole department and be able to boss around that cheese shitter Mappy! I'm gonna run your ass to the top! Bwahahahaha! Kiyone: (angry and clenching her fist) Mihoshi!

(Goes ballistic and starts attacking and strangling Mihoshi while she is crying in fear)I'll cheese shit you! DIE! Mappy: She will suffer for this insult, that's for sure.

Sting: So Shams, isn't this whole mess because of revenge? Maybe because by California law African Americans can be beaten up via circumstantial evidence? Shams: (offended) I don't know what you are talking about. In fact I'm shocked you would say that. After all the Heineken's we shared together. Sting: (annoyed) That didn't happen. Shams: Yes it did! You never did hold your beer. Stellar (laughs) Lightweight! Sting: (angry) That not only is a lie, but fuck you Stellar you couldn't even handle a shot of raspberry schnapps!

While the kangaroo court was going on. Our authors and villains were along with their large private armies, facing each other off in a final climactic battle in the valley of Meggido in Israel. Kyuubei: Why are we even here?

I mean couldn't we do this in Maui? At least after we kick all your asses I could get some pina colada. Dick Cheney: (angry) Quiet fools! You have e-vily disrupted my e-vil plans for the last time! Aliasoddity: You had a plan?

Dick Cheney: Of course! It was my e-vil twelve easy step plan for bringing a thousand years of e-vil and ruin to the universe. Step 1: Take over the U.S. Government. Step:2: Orchestrate the September 11 2001 attacks on the world trade center, by using e-vil magic to pose as Osama Bin Laden. Aliasoddity: That explains so much... Dick Cheney: Indeed, Step 3: Use the war in the middle east to drive out the Muslims, letting the Jews conquer all of Israel triggering the apocalypse of legend.

Where Satan and the Anti-Christ will be awakened with my patented e-vil satanic rituals. Aliasoddity: Didn't the devil worshiping Pokemon tried that and failed? Dick Cheney: Yes, but they suck. Step 4: Serve Satan at the surface while secretly playing both sides to the battle of Armageddon. And step 5: Once the battle ends, kill the winning deity with the mythological god killing Chronos Ax of Greek legend. Taking over all of creation as its new e-vil God! Aliasoddity: Great, so you're a Geriatric Kefka Pallazo now? Dick Cheney: I taught all the e-vil he knows! He was like a son to me after all. Aliasoddity: I see, soldiers, KICK ALL THEIR ASSES! Dick Cheney: E-VIL!

All of the soldiers starts fighting each other in a bloody brawl hours pass and all of the grunts, tanks, planes and other stuff lie dead and/or broken as blood stains the soil. In the end only the authors and Dick Cheney were left standing.

Aliasoddity: HA! Its over! You lose! Dick Cheney: Oh really? Sorry, but my e-vil plan for complete global e-vil saturation will not be e-villy derailed! Aliasoddity: God! Now you're ripping off Albert Wesker? Dick Cheney: Another fine e-vil apprentice of mine. Aliasoddity: Next thing you're gonna say is that you were Palpatine's teacher in the Sith arts. Dick Cheney: Dont be silly, I was his e-vil lawyer. Kyuubei: Can we skip the banter and just get on with killing this fossil before old age does him in?

Asuka: (appears along with Shinji and Rei in their Eva units) Don't worry we'll crush this fool! The Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann theme, Sorairo days starts playing Aliasoddity I don't think so Cheney! Let's go Kyuubei!

Suddenly Kyuubei shows a drill shaped key which summons a white/pink version of Gurren and a green abd black version of Lagann which the duo mounts Alias in the Lagann, and Kyuubei in the Gurren. Which they combine via Lagann grabbing Gurren and smashing it into its head. Suddenly growing taller and stronger while launching and putting on a helmet. Alias and Kyuubei: (yelling together while the Gunmen poses) Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann! Just who the hell do you think we are?

Aliasoddity: Okay you sons of bitches! When they talk about a bad-ass author, they're referring to me! The mighty Aliasoddity! So prepare to suffer the awesome power of Gurren Lagann! Kyuubei: (embarrassed) Seriously... Now we are spoofing Kamina... Aliasoddity: Don't worry Kyuubei! Just believe in the me that believes in you!

Asuka: Charge! Show those assholes that Gurren Lagann sucks! Its peppy and hopeful viewpoints are unrealistic in today's world! Aliasoddity: You wish! Evangelion is a nonsensical piece of emo crap whose ending made less sense than Star Driver's plot! Besides, You don't see Shinji punching holes in the fabric of time and space with sheer gar alone! Asuka: You prick! Evngelion's characters are deep psychological representations of the flawed human psyche and are a realistic portrayal of how children would react in war! Aliasoddity: You wish! The only reason people still remember that show is because of you and Rei's boobs! After all you are nothing but parodist cliches at best and unoriginal and unlikable character templates at worse!

Asuka: Unoriginal? I was the original Tsunedere! All bitchy girls in anime owe their careers to me! There wouldn't even be a Kagami Hiiragi, or a Taiga Asakura if I didn't come along! Shinji: (looking on whispers) (sigh...) This is pointless, Mazinger Z was the superior mecha program... Maybe you should stop the Gurren Lagann song... (song stops) Kaworu: I prefer Gaogaigar and the other Brave series myself. Rei: MACROSS SUPERIOR, ALL OTHER MECHA INFERIOR.

Dick Cheney: Martian Successor Nadesico is better... Kyuubei: They really should watch Hyakkujyuu Go-Lion for once. Aliasoddity: Seriously, those two? Besides I saw Lucky Star, It sucks! It's basically a watered down lolified Seinfield!

And Toradora is a clearly a total rip off of Tenchi Muyo! Only in high school, and crappy, and unoriginal. Asuka: Tenchi Muyo! You watch that crap! What's next Bishoujo Sailor moon, Outlaw star, DBZ? Aliasoddity: No one insults Dragon Ball Z, or the rest of Toonami's 90's programming! Except the unnecessary Buu saga at least! Prepare to die Narutard! Asuka: How dare you insult Naruto! I'll kill you just like Sasuke killed Orochimaru! Or like 4kids killed One piece!

As the two charge into combat they get interrupted by the appearance of four Gundams, the 00 Quanta, the Zanbaya, the Harute, and the Raphael. Who land in between the two fighters. Asuka: (angrily) Who are you freaks?

Aliasoddity (in fanboy mode) Oh my god its Celestial being this is so cool!I can't believe I'm facing an armed intervention by Celestial Being! This is awesome! Lockon Stratos: We'll what do you know, a fan of ours. Allelujah Haptism: That's a surprise...

Kyuubei: We're gonna get owned and all you can think about is that? Aliasoddity: Look, everyone knows Gundam is the best mecha series ever. Asuka: Screw that, i'm gonna kill you all! Shinji, Rei lets go or i'll blow your heads up! Rei: YES.

Setsuna F. Seiei: 00 Quanta... Eliminating targets... As the Eva's charge they are skillfully dispatched with ease by Setsuna falling apart into pieces. Tieria Erde: Lets end this now! Full power! (Raphael charges up its cannon lunching its blasts at the trio blowing them away Team Rocket style into the distance.) And now (looks at Alias) Aliasoddity: Actually I was just leaving. But can I get your autographs first?

Dick Cheney: I think this is the e-vil time to e-vily escape... (puts on his Osama Bin Laden disguise and flees as fast as he can)

After all that we return to our authors new lair at the old Aperture science research center, which he bought after the destruction of his mothers house, and apparent death. Kyuubei: (sighs) We'll it was fun while it lasted. Still I'm surprised the Gundam Meisters let us go. Aliasoddity: Yeah, and I even got their autographs! Kyuubei: I wonder what happened to the Eva pilots?

Back at the courthouse we find ourselves at the verdict process. Mentor: Okay jurors, have we reached a verdict? Silver the hedgehog: Indeed we have your honor. Vector the crocodile: Find the computer room! Silver: Shut up Vector!

We find the defendant... (The Eva remains crash into the courthouse smashing into the jury killing them instantly) Mentor: Well, since the jury is dead, I supposed the case is dismissed. Court is adjourned! (bangs gavel) Shams: (shocked) What?

Miles: Too bad sir, I'll send you my bill. (walks off) As everyone leaves the three extended remain stunned at their luck. And among the rubble Rei and Shinji pop out slightly bruised, but otherwise okay. Rei: We're alive! (happily) And I have a personality again! Shinji: The collar is gone (happily) I'm free! Kaworu: What happened to Asuka? The trio find Asuka with most of her body shattered and dismembered gravely injured under rubble. Her arms and legs clearly in pieces, pinned by rubble, and drifting in and out of consciousness. Asuka: What are you doing losers? Hurry up and save me! Rei: (angry) Payback's a bitch and so am I! Shinji: (cockily) Yeah now we're in charge. Asuka: fuck!

**To be continued...**


	13. Chapter 11: The road to Afghanistan

**ZAFT of the radiance**

Inside Dr. Weird's lab, somewhere in the South Jersey coast. Dr. Weird: Gentlemen, behold! I have cloned Steve! (the shutter opens to reveal Steve, Dr. Weird's original assistant) So Steve how do you feel? Geno: Wow! I'm surprised, this is actually a good idea! Steve smiles only to reveal sharp needle like teeth in great numbers and sprouts outs giant metal spikes from his wrists, and begins to inch closer to Dr. Weird and Geno Geno: What the hell did you do to him?

Dr. Weird: Maybe I shouldn't have use that blood on him Geno: What blood? Something from a B. Araka from Shao Kahn chemicals Geno: You idiot! You turned him into a nerdy guy version of Mileena! Steve: (hisses) blood...

Dr. Weird: (panicked) Kill it with fire! Geno: You don't need to tell me twice! Geno Flare! (Geno fire his attack which Steve dodges while lunging forward and impaling Geno with his spikes, throwing him out the window and down the cliff.

Dr. Weird: Stop! I created you! Steve uses his spikes to slice Dr. Weird's arms off, stab him in the chest, and cut off his head with a thrust, causing Dr. Weird's body to collapse in a heap, while Steve raises his arms in victory.

Shao Kahn: Steve wins! Fatality! Dan Forben: Toasty!

**Chapter 11: The road to Afghanistan**

**written by GLaDOS**

Beecha: (wakes up next to the ruin of the crashed airplane, wobbling, he gets up and notices the desert all around him, the crashed plane, and the bloody and scattered remains of most of the crew.) Am I the only survivor? Oh man, everyone's dead!

(falls on his knees and cries) They're all dead! Tails doll: Can you feel the sunshine dumbfuck? Beecha: (weeping) Oh no! Now I'm being haunted! Its like the spirits are angry! Tails doll: Get up moron, I'm still alive. So are Shinn and Athrun.

Beecha: What about Kira? Tails doll: Looks like he got captured or something when we were out cold due to the crash. Now let's go, we're gonna go look for him. There is a town nearby, Athrun and Shinn went off to steal clothes and supplies for our search. Beecha: Why not buy them? Tails doll: We are in Afghanistan dude, Americans are shot on and Athrun return in a battered and old Jeep. Wearing typical Muslim garb Shinn wearing a fake Afghan beard, and Athrun with a turban. They park next to Beecha and Tails doll handing them over some clothes. Athrun: Put these on you two. We gotta get out here and soon. Tails doll: Why? Athrun: Shinn here just HAD to kill all the villager with a bunch of napalm bombs, and burn down the whole fricking village. Shinn: (giddy) fire... Tails doll: Ugh! We are stuck in the Earth's most butthole of nations, alone, helpless, considered MIA if not KIA, Our friend has been kidnapped by native cannibals, or whatever the hell Afghans do to Americans around here, And now we are guilty of war crimes! How can this get any worse?

Meanwhile Dick Cheney, in his Osama Bin Laden disguise powered by the blackest of forbidden black magic stumbles into Afghanistan via a convenient plot hole. Dick Cheney: Great! Now I'm Earth's most butthole of nations, alone, helpless, considered

MIA if not KIA, Where Americans get captured by native cannibals, or whatever the hell Afghans do to Americans around here, guilty of war crimes! How can this get any worse? NATO force captain: Stop right there Osama Bin Laden!

(A NATO force of thirty cock their assault rifles, tanks and RPG launchers) You're under arrest! Dick Cheney: I'm not Bin Laden! Well... er... I'm Dick Cheney! (worriedly assumes his true form) See! I'm e-villy e-vilness and...

The NATO forces start firing at Dick Cheney, forcing him to flee for his life running he jumps off a cliff and disappears. NATO force captain: Damn! He got away! Tell HQ to send the kill bots into this area ASAP!

Dick Cheney: (hiding in a cave terrified and back in his Bin Laden disguise) Oh dear e-vil me! I'm screwed! Why did I have to e-villy mastermind 9-11? (exasperated) Guess there is such a thing as e-vil karma. Dick collapsed into the ground exhausted where he is greeted to spears wielded by Gerudo female thieves. Gerudo leader: Well, well, well. Look what we have here. A hostage. And not just any hostage, the great Bin Laden himself. With you as our hostage we will take our revenge on the Taliban for forcing us out our lands, just because we supported the Soviets back in the civil war, and imposing Sharia law which restricted our customs, and forced us into caves like these! Gerudo thief: That wont work ma'am. Apparently Al-Qeada got itself a new leader and now he is useless as a bargaining tool. Dick and Gerudo leader: (shocked) WHAT? REPLACED? Dick: (shocked and angry) Who the e-vil fuck could replace me? The e-vil Osama Bin Laden... (gets interrupted by another show of spears) oh fuck... Gerudo leader: Well you're to old to eat, too ugly to rape, and too stupid looking to serve as a slave, so I guess we will use you as target practice for this horse mounted gattling guns we acquired recently. (shows a group of horses equipped with small but powerful guns on their sides and black spiky armor) Dick: (points at the darkness) Oh no! Its e-vil Ganondorf! Gerudo leader: Like we're gonna fall for that trick. Dick: (stands up) Well in that e-vil case... YOINK! (runs off outside the cave at top speed) Gerudo thief: Did we just get Bob and Georged? Gerudo leader: shut up! Gerudo thief: Shouldn't we go after him? (The Gerudo leader glares at her in rage) I'm shutting up now...

Back to our heroes. We find them sneaking around for fuel around a ruined Afghan village. Beecha and Tails doll were also disguised as civilians dressed in Afghan clothes. Shinn: Dammit Athrun couldn't you have gotten a more fuel efficient jeep?

Athrun: I dunno, could you stop being a goddamn pyro all the time? Beecha: (worried) Guys! Calm down or we will get caught. And so they are spotted and suddenly the entire village appears, heavily armed and ready to slaughter our heroes. Tail doll: Guess these guys need to feel the sunshine. Athrun: (whispering) No more slaughter! Just follow my lead. (in a loud clear voice) Greetings from Canada! Entire village: (erupting in cheers) CANADA!

Greetings true believers! I Stan Lee, came to tell you that the Afghan villagers will be understandable to our readers with the universal-ly lazy translator. So read on as I go touch someone in a way or in a place they are uncomfortable with! Excalibur! (Stan Lee bursts into fire and is reduced to ash that is swept away by the wind)

Muslim man: (joyfully) Greetings oh friends from Canada! I am Abdullah Falluyah Mohammed Falluyah Yemen Falluyah! Or as the people here call me; Bob the village chief! Our heroes lie there in utter shock and amazement at the success of their lie.

Bob: Anyway come my friends, it will be night soon, and tell your friend to take off his fake beard. This isn't Taliban country after all. Our heroes are shown into the chief's house as Shinn throws away his fake beard while laughing sheepishly.

Later that night the whole village was at the chief's house all of them amazed at the groups stories, which somehow make them look like notorious terrorists. Athrun: Out of curiosity sir. Bob: Please Bob! Athrun: Well Bob, Why are you so friendly toward Canadians? Bob: Why shouldn't we? It is every Afghan's dream to live in Canada. After all, free government health care, lots of snow, no wars whatsoever, hockey, and many hot Canadian blonde women! I mean, seriously, we live in a motherfucking desert, nothing but wars for the last thirty years and infidel occupation for ten years. We have no resources! I mean how do you think we can afford our sizable gun arsenal? (after some moments of uncomfortable silence) DRUGS! Quality, vintage illegal narcotics. Especially Opium. Beecha: (appears with a large backpack full of Opium and smoking paraphernalia among many other drugs) Holy crap! Look at all the drugs you can legally get in this country! This is awesome! We couldn't get half this much in the states! Shinn: (angry tone) Beecha you idiot! We weren't supposed to tell them we are Americans! Tails doll: (angrier tone) Shinn you dumbass! Keep quiet! Athrun: fuck... Bob: AMERICANS? Athrun: (scared) Its a joke! Its a joke!

We ARE Canadians! Seriously! We eat pancakes with maple syrup and have Gretzky stuff! Shinn: No we don't! You hate pancakes AND hockey! Athrun: Shut the hell up Shinn! Beecha: Yeah! I mean you are a Red Sox fan, you frickin Char clone!

Athrun: Shut the fuck up Beecha! And I am not a Char clone! (afraid for his life) I know! Oh Canada! I can sing Oh Canada! The Canadian national anthem! Bob: (skeptically) Oh really? (cocks his gun)

Athrun: (in a cold sweat) (to the tune of Oh Canada!) Oh Canada! Err... Its... really, really... cold... (starts weeping) Wayne Gretzky is awesome! (crying) And our maple trees are big, and... (gets serious) Tails doll! kill these fuckers!

Tails doll: Can you feel the sunshine? Tail's doll head gem starts shining as the screen goes outside the house where shining light and screams of horror are seen and heard. The next morning, after slaughtering the entire village, our heroes are in their jeep once more fleeing the scene.

**ZAFT of the radiance will be back after these messages...**

Feeling lost and confused?

Unloved and feared?

Then join the Holy cult of Kefka.

Camaraderie, community, ritualistic human sacrifice, pyramid schemes, and a giant death laser.

Join today...

For more information go to .com or call 1-800-GOD-KFKA. Do it today!

**We return to ZAFT of the radiance...**

Beecha: (terrified) TWO VILLAGES! TWO FREAKING VILLAGES! We are going to die! If the army or the police don't get us, the terrorist revenge killers will! AND WHY IN THE HELL ARE YOU SO HAPPY ATHRUN?

Athrun: Its just, that I never felt so alive! Now I know why Shinn and Stellar do this all the time! Shinn: (offended) Hey! We kill for religious reasons, not to avoid dying at the hands of angry natives! Beecha: You mean your retarded ass Firo the fucking retarded lord of retardation? Shinn: (angered) How dare you insult my god! You will die! Tails doll: (annoyed) For craps sake calm down, we finally reached Kabul. If anyone knows where Kira is we'll find out here.

Meanwhile back with Dick Cheney. We see him in his Bin Laden disguise limping thru the desert exhausted and depressed. Dick: This is a fine mess I got into. I should have stayed in that mansion in Pakistan. I bet that dickwad body double is whooping it up.

Meanwhile in hell. Body double: Where are the forty virgins? Satan: I'll give you your forty virgins! (Satan shoots fire from his palm burning the body double) Suck it down bitch!

Back with Cheney we see him collapsed of exhaustion and dehydration when he is picked up by a mysterious van. Waking up he notices several people dressed in Osama Bin Laden and Elvis costumes. Dick: Where the e-vil hell am I?

Elvis impersonator: Well there, glad you woke up. This is a Greyhound bus. And we are all going to the Bin Laden/Elvis impersonator contest in Al Queda's Afghan pancake house Headquarters to celebrate their new leader. Dick: The e-vil hell?

Bin Laden impersonator: Yeah! Apparently they killed Osama in Pakistan, and now Al Queda's top brass want to hold a memorial for him. Dick: So why are there Elvis impersonators? Elvis impersonator: Looks like the new leader is a fan of Elvis.

In Kabul our heroes are wandering around when they stumble into a TV store with the news on. I am Ima Penis with the latest news. This just in! Osama Bin Laden, famed terrorist leader is dead. Athrun: (uncaring) That's nice. Anchorman: And now a few words from the new leader Kira Yamato Mohammed. All of the heroes: What the fuck? Kira: It is a sad day when one our of our most glorious leaders is felled in battle. But do not weep for he is now with Allah in all his glory. We shall be victorious and avenge our fallen leader without delay! As we spill the blood of the white Satan! Death to America! Athrun: (angered) Kira you imbecile... Ima Penis: A celebration and intercontinental ballistic missile test will occur in Al Queda's Afghan pancake house headquarters in Mt. Ararat in two days. The public is more than welcome to attend, and that is the news.

**To be continued...**


	14. Chapter 12: Operation Dimwit drop

**ZAFT of the radiance**

At Dr. Weird's lab somewhere in the South Jersey shore. Dr. Weird: Gentlemen, behold! The Murderbot! From inside the shutter a small, yellow, bipedal beetle like robot with blood red eyes, many sharp pointy edges and considerably rusty machine guns in its arms is revealed. Geno: (incredulous) WHAT, THE, FUCK? Murderbot: (eyes glow evilly) blood... Dr. Weird: Its a children's toy! It has twin 99mm machine guns a set of missile launchers that can fire 20 megaton depleted uranium incendiary rockets,

has a napalm based flamethrower in its mouth, lots of spikes for cool factor, its powered by a compact nuclear reactor, has a complete lack of sanctity for life and property, AND it will only cost $199.99 US dollars! Geno: (shocked) What kind of emotionally disconnected and irresponsible parent would buy this? Gendo Ikari: (appears next to Geno) So, you got my robot toy? Dr. Weird: Why of course! Here it is! (the duo accompanied by the Murderbot walk off to discuss payment)

Geno: (internally) This cannot happen! Such robots are too dangerous! What if they rebel? I must stop them! But how? I need to go Dr. Wily on them!

**Chapter 12: Operation dimwit drop**

**Written by Aliasoddity**

Aliasoddity: Kingdom Hearts reference FTW! GLaDos: (sighs) You're back five minutes from your little misadventure with Cheney, and you are ALREADY Mary Sueing yourself into the story... Alias: I'm a dick, deal with it. Anyway whats so wrong about it? I mean next episode we are pretty much destroying ALL connections with Gundam SEED canon, hint, hint. GLaDos: You mean the... (gets interrupted with a long bleeping sound) The hell? Kyuubei: No unnecessary foreboding dudes. We already have enough inconsistencies as it is.

Back at our story, we find our heroes reeling from current events, as they are in Kabul discovering that their friend Kira has replaced Bin Laden as leader of Al Qaeda. Tails doll: (shocked) Can you feel the sunshine? Athrun: You know TD that may be your catchphrase but do you always have to say it? Tails doll: (offended) I don't criticize it when you act like Char! Athrun: (angry) You want a piece of me you stuffed piece of crap? Tails doll: (defiant) Bring it ya pussy! Beecha: Guys! Calm down! We wont get anywhere like this. Tails doll: You're the main reason we ARE here. Shinn: (snickers) Beecha: What's so funny Shinn? Shinn: Ima Penis... (begins to laugh like crazy) Beecha: This cannot get any worse...

Stellar: (finds and runs over to the heroes at great speed, tackling Shinn to the ground and hugging him) I finally found you guys! I missed you so much! Shinn: Hey Stellar, could you get off me? Athrun: How did you get here? And how did you not get stoned by going off on your own in Sharia country? Stellar: (Helps Shinn get up) Well I mailed myself! (smiles with her tongue out) And they tried to stone me. I just killed all of the guys who tried that with my knives. (thumbs up) Beecha: This CANNOT get any worse! Random Afghan mob leader: There's the killers! And they got a heathen girl with them! Get' em! (the mob rushes in against our heroes) Beecha: This cannot get any worse! Athrun: (angry) Fuck this shit! I've had a crappy time ever since I set foot in this god forsaken country! I've been shaved bald! Got shot down from a plane! Had to watch Shinn burn down a village! Screw up the Canadian National Anthem! Even though I AM a French Canadian! Had my retarded friend kidnapped and brainwashed by terrorists! Got stuck with my psycho friend's even more psycho girlfriend! And now this? Shinn! Give me your Gadelaza! Shinn: But Athrun! Athrun: (enraged) DO AS I SAY, FOR I AM THE HEAVENLY GRETZKY BUDDHA!

One highly censored slaughter and decimated capital later. Athrun: (standing atop a pile of bodies) (singing) I'm the king of the world! (yelling) Feel my power! (raises up a decapitated Afghan civilian's head and broadsword while his friends look in horror)

Beecha: Why does God hate me so? Stellar: I didn't know Athrun was Canadian or Buddhist. Shinn: Yeah, his folks moved to Boston as a kid. Kira and Athrun knew each other since middle school, same with Cagali and Lacus. We met in the university of Boston later on, and his middle name is Jacques. And he isn't Buddhist, technically he is a Taoist. Stellar: (curiously) What about Lunamaria and Rey? Shinn: That's a tale for another time. Beecha: Well that was a nice destruction of previous canon, nowletsgetthehelloutofhere! Shinn: But where is the Al Qaeda house of pancakes anyway? Tora Bora is pretty far away. Beecha: Don't you mean Mt. Ararat? (gets suddenly struck by lightning) Alias: There are no plot holes! Mysterious man: I can take you there. Beecha: And you are? Mysterious man: My name is Ayman al-Zawahiri. And I see potential in you. I shall take you there right away. Yes. So you can kill Kira. And I can become leader of Al-Qaeda. Bwahahaha! Beecha: Wow, you suck at subtlety. And what's with the nasally tone. Ayman: Allergies. (testy tone) Now are you coming or not? Here's my car. (points to a white hummer limousine with diamond rims and a rocket launcher in the rooftop) Beecha: (amazed) Where did you get the money for that thing? Ayman: The Pakistani government. Now let's go. We have to hurry if we are gonna make it.

Meanwhile we find ourselves back at our heroes empty mansion in Beverly hills where the less important regular cast is meeting after being threatened by Lalah Sune for messing up their neighbors house. Auel: (wearing a maids outfit, a face mask, and holding a plunger) Why am I doing this anyway? I wasn't the one who came up with the whole idea of the party in the first. Sting: (also wearing a maid's outfit and holding a broom) Be thankful we got out of that mess this lightly! And where is Stellar anyway? Its been three days since she disappeared and the FBI still hasn't claimed she burned anything down. Auel: (crosses arms and sighs) Didn't she said something about (imitating Stellar) "I'm gonna go to Afghanistan to find Shinn-kun! Or some other crap." (normal tone) I told her to mail herself since we both know she would not be allowed on a plane without supervision. Sting: You don't think she pulled it off did she? Auel: Don't be ridiculous! (waves hand forward) She cant have thought that far ahead and, (now worried) we should get going to Afghanistan, right? Sting: (somberly) Yes, start packing. God we're screwed!

Lalah: (secretly looking at the panicking duo of Sting and Auel. Goes and looks at the camera) Yeah, I'm not gonna go there with them. Now to watch some CNN now that they are leaving. (After Sting and Auel leave Lalah sits down on the couch to watch CNN) I just love Anderson Cooper!

CNN announcer: This is CNN breaking news!

Ima Penis: This is Ima Penis for CNN News. The latest story on the new face of Al Qaeda, er Quadea, er, How the hell do you spell this stuff? I don't have time to go to Wikitionary all the time! Anyways Kira Yamato Mohammed the new leader of

Al whatever. Has announced his plans for conquest of the world. Obviously this cannot do so apparently the U.S. Government is sending a damn huge army of kill bots from our corporate overlords Aperture science incorporated. And a coalition of Galactic Imperial, Power ranger, Konoha ANBU ninja, The Scottish army from Braveheart, Chuck Norris, G.I. Joe and Jailbot from Superjail. As well as possible intervention from Celestial being, and the Gutsy Galaxy guard. Straight to the Tora Bora mountains where they will find this heathen and promptly murder his ass. More at eleven.

CNN announcer: This program is brought to you by Aperture science industries. "We do what we must, because we can." And the Grammar Nazi prevention fund. Yeah, we're not going to stop this feud are we?

Lalah remained in the couch, unmoving in total disbelief for some seven hours, long into the night and after Sting and Auel left on a cab to the airport. Inner Lalah: Goddamnit woman! Snap your ass out of it! Lalah! Hmmm, I got it! Lalah Sune says what? Damn, that usually gets her. I'm gonna be stuck here for a long time.

In a gas station in Bamyan, Afghanistan. We find the Elvis/Bin Laden impersonators have stopped for fuel and supplies. One of the Elvis impersonators Hajid is carrying large crates to the bus along with Dick Cheney still in his Osama disguise.

Cheney: (Puts down his crate) Why am I e-vily doing this? And how can I e-vily do this? Hajid: (Puts down his crate as well) Plot hole obviously. Cheney: Anyway I gotta e-vily go to the e-vil can now so...

Cheney finds himself in the bathroom of the gas station. Horribly filthy and full of roaches, Cheney looks at the slimy toilet with disgust. Noticing a vending machine near the toilet he looks at it noticing that for "please insert Afghan currency" You could get an egg sandwich. Cheney buys it and starts eating it while going to the can. Sometime later... Cheney: Much e-vily better.

Meanwhile back in the United States the big freaking army meant to kill Kira was having its own problems. Currently stuck on a coastal army base the rangers and a platoon of military androids have been stood up and left to fend for their own.

Tommy the Green ranger: (angry) What do you mean you cant let us inside the planes? Attendant: I'm sorry sir. But we don't have enough planes for you all. Zack the Black ranger: Where the fuck is that nigga Norris? At least if he was here we could get in the planes and get there. Fucking Tejano nigga. (starts break dancing in a random spastic way for no reason) Tommy: Norris is from Oklahoma, you racist idiot! I know you are the "black" ranger. And you like hip hop, but that does not give you an excuse to act like an extra for public enemy! Zack: That my slave name nigga! Call me R.N.X! Tommy: (exasperated) How did I get stuck with these people? Alejandro the gold samurai ranger: (covered in bloody raw meat) WHALES!

(jumps into the sea only to get eaten by sharks) Tommy: At least it cant get any worse... Suddenly a large tanker driven by Trini the Yellow ranger careens into the base running over all of the military droids and crashing into a warehouse full of of explosives and gasoline. Causing an explosion that wrecks the entire base. Trini: I'm okay! Jason the Red ranger: Morphenomenal explosion! That ought to take care of Rita's putties. Tommy: I can only hope everyone else is having a crappy time.

In Scotland William Wallace's army was having its own troubles. William Wallace: (angered) Its just a PLANE. How hard is it to board a PLANE? Stephen: Sorry sir. It seems the men are saying that those planes are British monsters sent to kill them.

William: Just because it says British air, doesn't make it some British scheme. And it was the cheapest flight I could book on Priceline! Do you have any idea how expensive it is to book six thousand Scots in a plane in this economy. I already spend all my war chest in those PS3 that the men wanted so bad! Leonidas: (stands next to William and Stephen in concern) THIS IS LAAAAAME! WANNA GET TAAAAANKED! William: Why not? I only hope the other guys are in so much trouble.

Stephen: What are you doing here? You're Greek. Leonidas: THIS IS VACATIOOOOON!

The Galactic empire had its own troubles as their Star destroyers are assaulted by the Gutsy Galaxy Guard, and GaoGaiGar which is smashing the fleet with ease. Darth Vader: (strangling his Star Destroyers captain) You moron! What were you thinking?

Officer: Lord Vader GaoGaiGar is gonna use the Goldion hammer! Gunner: (freaking out) Oh god we are gonna die! Vader: Wait you stupid fucker! As GaoGaiGar strikes with his hammer the panicked gunner fires the Star Destroyers whole arsenal causing a ridiculously and unrealistically massive explosion that leaves everything in ruins.

At G.I. Joe's end the group in a that large battleship submarine thing from Sigma 6. Along with two unexpected stowaways hidden inside a set of lockers. Auel: Hey Sting. Why aren't we moving? Sting: Hell if I know, this wouldn't be happening if the embassy didn't shut down all commercial flights to stop whatever retarded stuff Kira is doing. And why did you even SUGGEST that Stellar should mail herself to another country? You know she has the IQ of a blueberry pie, AND needs constant adult supervision. Auel: True, we need to get one of those GPS microchips installed inside her head. Or institutionalize her ass. Sting: We already tried Auel, that and pyrofucker Shinn too. That's why we all didn't appear in Gundam SEED. Those two were in the nuthouse and we were trying to start our careers. You as a Broadway singer, and me as a lawyer. Auel: Is that Cobra commander and Destro inside those other lockers? Cobra commander: COBRA! Destro: You're gonna give us away sir. Besides we already have one overdone catchphrase in this show. Cobra commander: Stupid Tails doll! And why aren't we moving?

Outside the battleship G.I. Joe is fighting the Predacons. Megatron, Inferno, Quickstrike, Waspinator, Rampage, and Tarantulas. Beast Megatron: (flying above the battlefield firing flames from his dragon arm.) Kick their asses! Yes... We will have all their Energon soon and then we will kill Optimus Prime! Yes... Tarntulas: (in a corner huddled up) Why am I here? I mean, I'm technically born from Unicron. And I betrayed Megatron, and I died at the hands of those Vok assholes. So why am I here?

Waspinator: The box is not your friend, Waspinator is your friend.

While the duo is distracted Heavy duty launches a barrage of missiles blowing up Waspinator and barely missing Tarantulas. Tarantulas promptly transforms into his motorcycle form and leaves the battlefield. In the meantime. Duke: Let's go Joe's! We can do this! Scarlet, Heavy duty, flank them from the left! Firefly, Stone, Pin them down! Refrigerator Perry, go home, you aren't exactly useful for craps sake! You and Slaughter only existed for those gay ass PSA bits and to sell toys! Perry: Being a dick isn't cool! You should respect and appreciate everyone. Inferno blows up Perry into a million pieces from the waist up, leaving a fountain of blood and gore around the immediate area. Inferno: And now you know! Rampage: And knowing is half the battle!

A chorus then sings, G.I. Joe!

Inside the base again Sting, Auel and the Cobra leaders are wondering what is happening outside. Cobra commander: Lets get out of here Destro, this is boring. (tries to open the door on his locker) Crap, I'm stuck Destro, Sting, and Auel: Same here...

All four simultaneously: fuck...

But what about Chuck Norris and Jailbot? Well... GlaDOS: Well? Kyuubei: Anything? Alias: I've got nothing, anyway lets end this story arc. Its taken too damn long, and I'm sick of it. I've got better things to do than drag this mess on and on, I mean I wanted to end this thing one chapter and special ago .

We finally find ourselves in the Tora Bora mountains as we find ourselves at Al Queda's evil Afghan pancake house. Which looks oddly enough like a normal pancake house, only at the top of a foreboding, snowy, and barren mountain. The limousine that carries our heroes has just arrived and is passing inspection at the valet area. Where a snappily dressed Muslim boy was taking note of the heroes group. Valet boy: Ah! Mister Al-Zawahiri! So good of you to come! Who are your friends?

Ayman: These are my fellow terrorists, Athrun Zala, Shinn Asuka, Tails doll, Beecha Oleg, and a girl that we needed to sedate with 700cc. of Phenobarbital via injection to the bloodstream. Valet boy: (amazed) Wow you're the foreign terrorists who blew up Kabul! Athrun: (proudly) Yeah! I'm awesome aren't I? Valet boy: Yeah! But you still suck compared to Graham Aker! And almost all of the other Char clones! Even the ones in the Astray magna! Athrun: (mumbling angrily) You smug little son of a bitch.

Valet boy: Shouldn't we wake up that girl? Ayman: Maybe we can keep her drugged and rape her. Shinn: (appears ninja style behind Ayman) Try it and I will kill you so horribly it will make Madworld look like Sesame Street. Ayman: To the party!

We don't have a moment to lose! Valet boy: Look the impersonators are here! Ahmed get this car parked. I gotta greet the other guests.

As the valet boy goes to the bus where the Osama and Elvis impersonators are exiting we find Dick Cheney stumbling and nauseous he is being helped going down by Hajid and Abdullah an Osama Bin-Laden impersonator. Abdullah: I told you not to eat the roadside food Dick. That stuff is poisonous, even to Andrew Zimmerman. Hajid: Don't worry there is a doctor here, he'll look at you, pump out the poison and you will be good as new. Valet boy: Is there something wrong sirs? Hajid: Yes, take this man to the medical staff. Valet boy: Right away sir.

Our heroes are eventually led inside the pancake house, where they see a land of wonders. Gold and silver adorns every inch of the walls, fine carpeting, music, nearly nude women, food, drink, and even the cantina band from Star wars episode four playing in the background. Masses of the worlds most evil terrorists were gathered, mingling among themselves, and enjoying the party. Among those were Kim Jong-il chatting with Hitler's preserved brain, The Ayatollah of Iran hitting on some of the minors, Hugo Chavez boring everyone to sleep with his speeches. Justin Beiber signing autographs to screaming girls and men, Glenn Beck trying to sell bogus stock to Rasputin, Satan, and the Teletubbies among others. Athrun: (whispering) This place has some of the worst scum on the face of the Earth. Beecha: (whispering) We'd be freaking heroes if we caught these guys. Athrun: (whispering angrily) No way! We're only here to get Kira and get the hell out of here! I've had enough of your stupid job! I've got half a mind to kick you out of the house if we ever get back! Beecha: (gulps) sorry. Shinn: Damn carrying Stellar is hard! Stellar: (sleep mumbling) fire... fire... fire... Tails doll: So whats the plan Athrun? Athrun: We sneak out of the party, go find Kira, get out of here and then worry on how we can deprogram him.

Announcer: Greetings fellow evil doers! As you all know our comrade Osama Bin Laden died at the hands of Obama's military. This has dealt us the Brotherhood of zealots organized a fierce blow. Beecha: Who the hell are the Brotherhood of zealots organized? Ayman: Oh yes, I should have told you. The brotherhood is a group of which all rich conservatives form a part of, our goal is to rule the universe. Mainly because we have nothing better to do all day. Beecha: Why? Ayman: Look at us!

We already have everything we could ever need. Money, power, sex, everything. We get bored eventually and this is more fun than actually using our time and energy to help make the world a better place. Beecha: By the way, BOZO?

Ayman: Yes we know of our unfortunate acronym. Beecha: And Justin Beiber? Ayman: You mean grandmaster Beiber. You obviously don't comprehend the evil of Disney pop stars and boy bands.

Announcer: (continuing from before) But do not worry for we have found a new leader for Al Qaeda. And here he is Kira Yamato Mohhamed! The crowd erupts into cheers and applause as Kira appears wearing a flamboyant Arabic suit full of gems and robes. Kira: Thank you! Thank you all! I am quite grateful for your support. Athrun: Kira! What the hell are you doing you idiot? Kira: Screw you Athrun! You treat me like an idiot all day, always being a bully! Ever since we were kids!

Beecha: (amazed) Is that true Athrun? Athrun: I was just trying to toughen you up! Shows what I knew! I mean just because I tricked you into giving me your lunch money, introduced you to Lacus, dated your sister, and hit on your mother! You have to be a little bitch about all this! Were you even brainwashed in the first place? Kira: I wasn't, it was that they were actually nice to me and gave me pancakes! The crowd stood silent and shocked at Kira's anger and Athrun's confession. After a few awkward moments of silence Beecha speaks up. Beecha: So you are like the worst friend ever, and all this time you exploited Kira's sensitivity and naivete for your own selfish ends. Athrun: (worried) I wouldn't say exploiting...

The screen shifts to see Athrun, Shinn, Tails doll, Beecha, Ayman, and Stellar tied up in posts awaiting execution. Stellar is still asleep obviously. Beecha: (angry) Thank you Athrun Jacques Zala! If we weren't gonna die before, we sure are going to now!

Shinn: Yeah, thanks a lot you Boston French Canadian dick! Tails doll: Amen asshole! Ayman: Why am I even here? Stellar: (wakes up) Yawn! That was a nice nap. Shinn-kun why are we bound like this? And why is Kira there? And who are all the scary people? Shinn: I'll tell you when we get to the afterlife. Kira: Enough, are you all ready to die? Any last words you guys? Athrun: Yes I do. I am sorry. (sappy music begins to play) I know I took advantage of you and I never considered your feelings.

But you know what? You are my brother! Kira: (tearing up) Do you really mean it? Athrun: I do man. Athrun and Kira: Best friends forever! Terrorists: aww! Kira: Let them go! Terrorists: Yay! As the sappy music ends the group is released,

and Kira goes to them with a smile on his face and a spring in his step. Kira: Lets go home! Terrorists: HOORAY!

A wall then explodes besides the cheering group which reveals Dick Cheney deformed in figure, his stomach bloated half his face of Osama, half his own. With many tentacles coming out of his ass and lifting his body, while covered in the blood and skin of the Elvis and Bin Laden impersonators, becoming the monstrous Dickama the fat. Dickama: DICKAMA THE FAT DEMANDS MORE PIE! Athrun: Ready to fight Kira? Kira: Always Athrun!

In a split second Dickama is squashed flat by the backpack of Raphael Gundam which after falling back first into the building destroying half of it. Signaling the arrival of Celestial Being, as everyone in the house goes outside they see 00 Quanta, Zanbaya, Harute, and a collapsed Raphael in a conversation. Lockon: See? I told you you should have used the Dominions armor. That you screwed up in balancing the design, and that its ridiculously unwieldy in gravity. Tieria: Look I am an artist! Artists are always misunderstood! Besides its all I could get what what we could afford. Allelujah: Here we go again. Soma Peries: I'm missing The Rocky horror picture show for this? Setsuna: And im missing Pokemon Allelujah: Where is everyone anyway? Setsuna: It appears they didn't come after all. Lockon: Well, the building is wrecked and I see blood coming out so I guess we are done here. Haro: No one needs to know! No one needs to know! Tieria: I'll use Veda to check what happened when we get back.

Allelujah: Setsuna, (shocked) you like Pokemon?

Finally we return to Beverly Hills where everything is returning to normal as our heroes return from their latest and greatest adventure. Shinn, Stellar and Beecha are relaxing in the couch watching TV seemingly oblivious to the still catatonic Lalah Tails doll is entering the suitcases and Athrun and Kira are reminiscing about the situation. Athrun: Well it looks like the people in the plane were rescued and everyone in Blackwater thinks we're dead. So I say things worked out pretty well.

Kira: Yes, and our friendship is stronger than ever now! Athrun: Yup, Kira be a pal and get me a beer. Kira: Right away Athrun! Tails doll: What about everyone we killed in Afghanistan? Shinn: Who cares? Its over! Stellar: It was sure nice of the Al Qaeda people to send us back home after all that we did. Shinn: True, by the way. When are Sting and Auel gonna come back? Stellar: (huddles up to Shinn) I don't know Shinn-kun but they will be back soon enough.

Finally in the G.I. Joe battleship Sting, Auel, Cobra commander, and Destro are still stuck and yelling for help. Their cries are being ignored lost among the bowels of the ship. Auel: I'm hungry! Cobra commander: I need to go poopy. Oh wait, too late.

Destro: That is so gross sir.

**To be continued...**


	15. Exposition 1: Origins

**ZAFT of the radiance**

Inside Wily's Skull castle #27741 somewhere underneath the New Jersey turnpike.

"And why should I the great Dr. Wily help a puppet boy steal and reprogram robots?" Geno trying to come up with a reason stuttered and commented with worry "You can use them to take over the world?" "Ha! I tried ten damn times not to mention the fifty or so spin offs to take over the world with robots. And I always lose to that blue dweeb Megaman!" Retorted Dr. Wily, only to be Geno blasted in the gut when finishing his statement knocking him unconscious. Geno then proceeds to loot the contents of his lab and gets out. Bass then appeared in a rush yelling "Hey Wily! You ran out of E-Tanks and chips and..." Bass sees Dr. Wily out cold and leaves muttering "Serves you right, probably wound up with something blowing up in his face. I better go buy some more chips."

**Exposition 1: Origins**

**Compiled by Kyuubei.**

We start discovering Kyuubei the creepy little plushy thing sitting on a bench in Central park, New York, typing in his iphone using its diary app. Now if you are wondering how it is possible since the show takes place in Beverly Hills, well its author privilege so there.

Kyuubei finds himself writing and reminiscing about the past starting with "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get. Stupid gay ass Nougat! Anyway this reminds of the old days. Before the Kira, Athrun and Shinn show even started, The early 2000's and our college days back at the University of Boston, there we would meet our motley crew for the first time."

It was 2007 back then the nation was in a state of constant fear, I should know, because every 9/11 Alias would start bitching about how his birthday was ruined every year by the memorial coverage and how he had to see the damn building burn for a week. Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Before this time slot was occupied by Alias professor, Plasmidpete101. He used to author the show called P.U. The previous show before this one started this would be the adventure where everything would change.

First up we had Kira as a freshman, Kira was actually a transfer student from Nihinoshima in Japan he went to middle school for about a year along with Athrun and left. Only to return after graduating high school he was mainly invited by his older sister Cagali Yula Attha way back when they got along well, they kept in touch often even after their parents divorce and remarriage to other people. Athrun was also there and was very supportive of Kira coming. Kira was always innocent and helpful in his demeanor to the point where he was taken advantage of by most of the student body even the nerd who got leprosy.

Athrun was as you know from the last episode is French Canadian, born in Quebec and raised there as a child until fifth grade when his father was incarcerated for killing the guy who killed his mother and all of the killers family with a rusty corkscrew. He was sent to live with his grandparents in Boston, where he was ridiculed constantly for his ridiculously French accent. This made him rather self conscious about his Canadian roots, and obtaining somewhat of an obsession with the Red Sox in order to hide his past even going to Berlitz to improve his pronunciation.

In their early days at the university they met Shinn Asuka. Believe it or not, he wasn't always pyromaniacal and insane. He used to be rather well grounded and an expert in math, to the point of skillfully being able to count cards to the point where he got chased out of Atlantic city in spring break '06.

Cagali, was always a full on tomboy she used to at the time be close to Athrun in many ways it wasn't until Lacus and she met some years later that she wound up a lesbian. She was also from Nihinoshima but her father left with her in a messy divorce. This influenced Cagali's behavior and eventually thru therapy discovered she was a lesbian and loved Lacus.

The foursome were commenting at the time about the start of the university. "So basically I am gonna be a dorm room at the south area. What about you three guys?" Commented Cagali to Kira, Athrun and Shinn. Eagerly Athrun responded "Well Kira and I actually got into a fraternity." Shinn added "No thanks for me. Besides I don't even like drugs" Kira commented to Shinn with concern to his opinions "That's just a stereotype you know, not all fraternities are full of booze, drugs and slobs."

Later on that night Kira and Shinn entered Kappa Kappa ZAFT Their new frat house where they were somewhat underwhelmed and disturbed. A total pigsty the rooms were full of garbage, random junk, drugs and porn. The smell of a meth lab was wafting around along with rotting pizza. There they found two of the only four souls in the frat house, Yzak Joule and Dearka Elsman, ignoring the two instead playing in their Gamecube the game Super smash brothers melee. Dearka just knocked out Yzak who was playing as Bowser by spamming Pikachu's thunder attack, with myself looking on in observation since I suck at video games.

"Dude, can you feel the sunshine?" Gloated Dearka over his defeated foe whom angrily commented. "Shut up! It was this faulty controller! Stupid Wavebird, future of technology my ass!" Dearka offered a joint trying to cheer his friend up "Calm down man, just chill, all you need is pot." Yzak angrily retorted "I don't need your pot druggie! I need a rematch!" "Your loss buddy." Dearka said with a smile.

Dearka Elsman and Yzak Joule, these two are kinda like the odd couple for stoners. Dearka was usually with pot, beer, smokes, whatever in his person whenever he had the chance. Even mastering the secret arts of the drug mule so he could get high in the bathrooms, His dad more or less owns the university and is in constant denial about the drug use. He also was the Universities top dealer apparently having Irish mafia connections since he was of Irish descendency. Yzak was more or less your angry white boy from Oklahoma. Always pissed and emo but was rather skilled at "disposing" evidence and he had no other friends whatsoever so they were pretty much stuck together.

Aliasoddity came along at the time, one of the few times he was actually off the computer he took a look at the two new guys commenting in a sour tone "Who the fuck are you?" Kira answered cheerfully and brightly "I'm Kira and this is Athrun. Nice to meet ya!" "Hey, I'm Alias, the white guy is Yzak, the black Irish guy is Dearka, and the creepy stuffed emoticon turd is Kyuubei or QB for short." Alias responded and elaborated further on. "Anyway guess I should give you the tour. Up the stairs are the rooms, mine is the middle one, and I will kill you if you enter without permission, the far left one is Yzak's, he'll kill you too if you enter next to it is QB's and the far right is Dearka's. Be careful because it stinks of meth, and I suggest you keep quiet about the pot plants in the basement. Or else the Irish thugs will kill you." Athrun was visibly shocked and commented to Kira "What the FUCK were you thinking when you got us rooms here? These people are thugs and murderers!" "Cheer up Athrun! They don't seem so bad!" Kira answered while patting Athrun in the back, whom shot back with. "This place is a dump, full of psychos!" "so?" "There are drugs in the basement!" "You worry too much Athrun!" "They have a large number of possibly illegal weaponry Kira!" "Look Athrun, George W. Bush lifted the assault weapons ban some time ago" "They have a motherfucking RPG, Kira you fucking stupid moron!" "Paper mache RPG you mean" "There is a limit to how moronic someone can be you know." Athrun ended barely keeping his temper and sanity in check. Kira quickly vanished heading straight to Kyuubei and giving him a hug yelling "So cute!" While Athrun snaps and yells in rage.

During that time Shinn met his roommates in one of the apartment blocks actually quite surprised and somewhat bored at the normalcy of it all. Until being tackled by Stellar Loussier who is overjoyed at seeing an old friend. "Shinn kun! How are you!" Stellar yelled as she locked him in a bear hug.

Stellar was always peppy to say the least, even as a child when they knew each other. About a year younger than Shinn she always saw him as a reliable big brother. Of course she never grew of it she was also usually on heavy medication due to her ADD and psychosis, back then she didn't talk about Firo or fire but was brutally destructive always to the point when she had Sting and Auel handle the medication and keeping an eye out for her. The four were neighbors in a Boston apartment, and all looked out for each other. Stellar's mother was an accountant and used "creative accounting" to pay off the meds, oddly enough Stellar was studying child psychology. Sting was an aspiring lawyer and Auel was a Broadway aficionado whom was only in college studying due to his overbearing rich uncle who thinks music is the devils voice.

Auel commented in surprise while watching the spectacle along with Sting who looked on in calm indifference. "Shinn, You're actually here? I thought you were gonna beat Vegas or something." "I tried, but I got busted in Atlantic and got permabanned by the casinos." Shinn commented with some annoyance "ugh, Stellar you're crushing me!" "Shinn!" Stellar commented while holding on.

Anyway that's how things began around here and for about almost a year things went pretty well. Later on we found in a ruined building the remains of a large computer system. They were carried off by the science club which I was a part of, and began to fix it.

Anyway, about myself, as you know I Kyuubei, am an incubator a race of aliens with no ridiculous "emotions" or "moral compass" as some claim. Basically we lock up people with emotions which may have lowered the petty crime rate to zero but our world is filled with would be universal dictators that we keep busy with our "evil productivity program" Which helps budding supervillains positively channel their maniacal tendencies. Me and Alias met at Kappa Kappa ZAFT mainly since we had nowhere else to go. I was seen as creepy and unfeeling, and Alias was and is horribly antisocial, violent, and psychotic. Which explains the meat grinder that he calls a show right now. Anyway this part is real life by the way, Alias didn't have internet as a child and one of the first sites he saw of author work had nothing but script based writing. Which conveniently explains the writing style behind the last thirteen chapters and three specials, and possibly the songs used in the specials as well. Anyways I was here as preparation to replace Ryuubei the previous incubator assigned to Earth which sadly died after eating his last body, yes we are that delicious. We are considered gourmet food in Space Australia a planet that's like Australia in space, especially in Space Brisbane.

I was there when the busted computer was fixed along with the rest of the science group, Brain bot, Donatello the ninja turtle, and some other nerds who mean nothing. Donatello explained to the group about the design of the machine "So dudes, that's about it, now we watch science at work!" Donatello plugs the machine activating it, as systems turn on and come to life a figure of a body covered in spherical cores and a elongated oval like white face with one yellow eye speaking in a female voices she comments. "Where the hell am I?" Donatello answers "Welcome to Boston University! I am Donatello, your lord and master!" Brain bot interjected with. "Are you sure you should say that? Who are you anyway? The machine comments "I am GlaDOS

the Genetic Life form and Disk Operating System. And if you think you are the boss of me, you are surely mistaken" Brain bot tells her "No need to get angry miss, we are just looking to perform some tests and..." "What kinds of tests little nerd?" "Well stuff involving genetics and mechanical bio engineering and..." "Well I say you have got my interest, but I am in charge now" Donatello angrily comments "Hey! I'm the leader of this research team and..." Suddenly GLaDOS commandeers a laser which he uses to burn Donatello's head frying it into a crisp causing him to fall dead. After seeing the display of brutality, Brain bot cowering before her proclaims "You are in charge now!" "Good! Then, let the testing begin..." GLaDOS exclaims as Brain bot and the nerds foolish enough to remain are locked inside. Obviously I was long gone as horrendous screams filled the air. "I hope this doesn't become a running theme in the future"

Kira is at that time looking into a invitation notice, at that time the Boston University speed drinking team the Boston Rummies had won the national speed drinking cup and were now celebrating the team's return that night. Where he was encountered by another author student under Plasmid, evilVick666. This guy was an author student, only that he was clearly evil and incompetent but is still around since his father was an investor in the university and was friends with Tad Elsman, Dearka's dad. He looked at Kira with a smile commenting. "I hope you will all come to the party. I've got a big surprise there, a surprise to die for, as in it will kill you all and... stuff." Kira clearly ignorant of the obvious threats happily smiled back and obliged. "Yeah, i'll bring my friends over and everything." The response caused evil to start laughing maniacally to which Kira joins in.

Later on evil went to a hidden area in the campus under the gym where the party was being planned. A dark room full of occult things in the floor a large pentagram with glyphs written in blood. Several skulls hanging from the walls a cauldron in the center and several crates of SPAM, the most evil meat by product ever conceived. "Its all falling into place! Soon this show will be mine! They stood there and mocked me! The whole world stood there and mocked me! But no longer! For soon you will all be slaves to my whim! Your ground pulled out from underneath your feet! As I become the master of your fates! *BWAHAHAHAH!*"

That night at the party things were going well. People were dancing, people were getting drunk, people were passing out due to being drunk, people getting alcohol poisoning, and so on. We find our future heroes asking Kira why did he insist on dragging them along. "Why the hell are we here again?" Shinn commented in annoyance, with Kira replying. "Well I told the creepy author guy that we would." Athrun in annoyance commented, ironically with a glass of rum on hand. "Well this is a stupid party. *hic*"

"Dammit Athrun you're drunk!" Commented Shinn, visibly upset at his friends hypocrisy. "Screw you *hic*, I hold MY beer." Athrun replied while Sting smelled the drink commenting. "This stuff is drugged!" "Oh crap..." "Whats wrong Auel?" commented Shinn. "I just saw Stellar chugging down the whole thing" Shinn yelled out "WHAT!" and rushed to get Stellar. Who was at the time making an ass of herself, butt naked and jumping around like a maniac, and yes this is where Stellar started to go nuts. Apparently the date rape drug caused brain damage. As Shinn tried to drag her out with her flailing all the way the duo exit when they notice evilVick preparing his satanic ritual by ritualistically spilling the blood of several Pokemon. These would be the ones that would become the devil worshiping Pokemon of chapter 9. "What the hell are you doing?" Commented Shinn only to realize he was trapped along with Stellar sinking into a dark pit of fire and blood. evilVick more or less spilled the beans now "Sorry fools, but this is the end, now that you are here my final sacrifice is complete, as I open the portal to the netherworld! Come forth my minions!" He yelled as Shinn and Stellar sank into the abyss of madness.

Suddenly evil demons sprang out and ravaged the gym, in a panic the students and faculty fled to the exits only to find them locked. As demons harassed the masses in question including a demon of a native American whom proceeded to scalp Athrun bald. The horrible pain sobered him quickly and as the demon fled laughing with his hair Athrun angrily commented. "That ass! How dare he do this to my hair! Lets go Kira!" "To save everyone Athrun?" "Fuck no! I'm getting my hair back!" As the duo ran towards the demons Sting and Auel were hiding and seeing the spectacle. Sting commented "I hope this dosen't become a pattern Auel.. Auel?" Noticing Auel gone he goes to look as he is assaulted by demon prisioners. Sting in horror, runs away.

Outside we find GLaDOS going to the gym her body upside down, riding a four wheeled moped. "You dicks! How am I supposed to test with all this fire and brimstone stinking up the campus?" She yells out while banging the door noticing Plasmidpete besides her. "Who are you?" "I'm Plasmidpete101, the author for this show. I had to catch up on some work, but now I'm here and I'm ready to party. Huh? What are these demonic runes doing here?" GLaDOS explains saying. "It appears that someone opened a portal to hell" "This isn't good ms. Robot computer thing! That hellscape must be the deed of evilVic666! Alias and myself also appear behind the duo and after obligatory introductions and exposition, Alias visibly annoyed says "So that whiny little bitch is doing stuff again?" I commented "Just because you rejected his script based writing format?" "Yes, but now is not the time or place for that, I must solve this crisis now." Plasmid told us "But this seems like some high end Satanic power at work, I doubt even you could break it." Alias then suggested "Why not get Firo's help?" "Firo?" I said as Alias elaborated "Yes Firo, the fire lord of fire, a powerful yet little known demon born out of the dreams of pyromaniacs and people who sniff chemicals. Apparently Plasmid made a contract to channel his power and to access it he must give him the souls of those who died violently to feed on. I'm guessing that's why he let GLaDOS kill all those people in the lab." "Where are Yzak and Dearka anyway?" I wondered at the end

Meanwhile at Kappa Kappa ZAFT Yzak and Dearka were butt stoned. Smoking weed from their respective giant bongs. "Hey Yzak, aren't we forgetting something?" "I guess Dearka, hmm, I know pizza! We can't smoke pot without munchies!" "You're right man ee need hot pockets now!" "Well go get them Dearka." "Why me Yzak?" "Just go already! I'll give you some of my Colombian gold after this." "You better Yzak."

At that time in the void, Shinn and a passed out Stellar drift in the void where they are met with a large flame shooting out from the depths it yelled out with a commanding voice. "Mortal! I am Firo the fire lord of fire! I have been summoned to rescue you! Shinn commented " Wow a giant demon, cool! I hear that if you summon one you can get superpowers!" Firo explained "Look mortal, I came to get you out by the orders of my master so you can save the day. I can't just give anyone superpowers just because they asked me to." Shinn responded with "Please, please, please, please, please, please" For fifteen straight minutes until. "Okay! You win mortal! I'll give you superpowers! But you must bind yourself to me via a blood contract." Firo summons a phone book sized contract and commented. "Sign here, but remember to read the fine... "Shinn signs before Firo finishes speaking, activating the contract. As the fire coursed thru him, he and Stellar vanish in a blinding flash of light. "I'm going to regret this someday I just know it."

Meanwhile in the gym evilVic appears among his horde of demons, looking at the conquered masses he gloatingly began commenting. "Greetings miserable peons, I am evilVic666 your new lord and master. Today marks the end of your rule you foolish, feeble... Where the hell is Plasmid?" Suddenly Shinn bursts out from the ground in a pillar of fire materializing giant energy cannons he yells out. "FIRE!" And starts mowing down the hell spawn en mass while yelling fire constantly. After a few minutes the demons, and most of the gym is destroyed. EvilVic defeated tries to flee and he is paralyzed by Plasmid who quickly subdues his student and angrily says. "evilVic666! I long tolerated your childish ambition, but you have gone to far this time! As of now you are no longer my student. And you shall be banished to the shadow realm. Now, OPEN YOUR MIND!" As Plasmid raised his hand forward the screen turns to a photo negative color and evilVic's body is broken into cheap CGI polygons which falls to the ground at the tune of the American Yu-Gi-Oh song in instrumental symphony.

Back in modern times Kyuubei completes his compilation commenting "And that is how we all met, the day was saved and basic canon for this show was finally established. Yes we may no longer have any connection to Gundam SEED except in name but whatever, eventually things returned to normal and everyone went back to their lives. Except Shinn who spent a year in an insane asylum for his part in the destruction, mainly out of a plea deal to avoid jail time since he was considered unfit to stand trial due to him killing most of the people that weren't already killed by the demons. Athrun got his hair back by the way and the demon got an ass beating. And what happened next? That is a story for another time." As Kyuubei closes his iphone and stores it in his back compartment, he jumps off the bench and walks along.

**To be continued...**


	16. Chapter 13: Not so Golden sun

**ZAFT of the radiance**.

We find Dr. Weird talking to the wind. "Gentlemen... BEHOLD! (sigh) It sure is lonely without wooden Steve here." Geno at that time is hiding looking for the deathabots yelling "Where the hell are those damn things!" "Well mysterious voice from above, the deathabots were not selling, so I threw them out!" "You have to be fucking kidding me Dr. Weird, at least this wont have any major consequences."

Meanwhile in Skull castle #27741 somewhere in the New Jersey turnpike.

We find Dr. Wily escaping the rubble yelling out. "I'm gonna kill that wooden piece of shit!"

**Chapter 13: Not so golden sun**

**Written by Aliastheabnormal**

We find our heroes Athrun Zala and Shinn Asuka working on clearing out Beecha Oleg's old room. "Hey Athrun, I'm still surprised Beecha got taken back by that Elle girl." "Yeah Shinn" Athrun rolls his eyes and continues with "Thank God hes gone!" "Yeah I know after the Afghanistan incident we pretty much were going to kill him and pin it on that stupid Red ring of death guy. By the way, why aren't Kira and Tails doll doing their share of the work?" "After hearing the news Kira got all break up mode and sulked off somewhere, and Tails doll well frankly I don't know where he went and I don't care." "I thought he got over Lacus." "Me too Shinn, me too. Hopefully he'll just get drunk and pass out in a gutter instead of get kidnapped this time."

At that time Kira Yamato was stuttering drunkenly around a bad neighborhood, wobbly and at the verge of puking he is mostly ignored by the other unfortunate masses and those who notice are somewhat grossed out at his sight. He begins to drunkenly sing "Can you feel the sunshine? As it brightens up your day. Can you feel the sunshine? Can you feel the sunshine? Can you feel it? FEEL IT! FEEL THE DAMN SUNSHINE DAMNIT!" Until stumbling into an alley and tripping on a round red stone. "What the hell is going on?" Kira picks up the stone to investigate it commenting "Hello little rock. How was your trip to Boulder?" "Well well well, a rich boy just wondered into our turf" A voice from the shadows commented. As behind the alley seven thugs appeared armed with knives, guns and clubs. The leader, a large man in the front with a Mohawk and a steel pipe said. "Well little man, how about you give us all your money and other valuables and Ill only rape you" Kira exclaimed "What's so great about that?" The boss answered back "Because I could kill you, then rob and rape your corpse." Suddenly the other six thugs fall down unconscious to a cry of "Can you feel the sunshine?" As Tails doll appears behind the groups leader with his red jewel shining from the souls he ate. "Who the fuck are you dolly?" Commented the leader as a red beam fired from Tails doll's jewels which causes him to collapse into the floor in pain, the thug can only look in fear as he has his soul eaten by Tails doll.

"Hey Kira, are you there?" Commented Tails doll as Kira lied on the floor passed out. "Might as well drag him back home" Tails doll sighs as he grabs Kira, slinging him into his shoulder and floating back home.

A short time later two shadowy figures approach the scene of the mayhem. A man and a woman cloaked in shadow except for their long scaly elf like ears. The woman commented "We're too late Saturos someone already has the elemental star." The man commented back in a sarcastic tone "Yes Menardi who would have though?" Switching to a more serious tone Saturos mentions as he lights a flame in his right hand. "We came to this world for the stars. Isaac and his band of fools still haven't tracked us down yet, but we must hurry if we wish to get them." Menardi qualms "That's what you get for letting Felix keep them Saturos." "Yes Menardi, that fool will suffer soon enough. For now lets meet up with Alex and see if he has any leads."

At that time our resident evil retards the Red ring of death and the Arbiter are busily looking at their newly discovered price a round blue stone. "LOLZ! Wit th1s gEm wii will b victoriouz nd get that bl00d to" RROD commented until being cut off by the Arbiter who says. "Our lord and master that mysterious purple hair guy. I already know you repetitive fool you say that every time we attempt to pursue our goal, and fail miserably at doing so." "ThiZ time is sp3cial! Its bloo and sh1ny! Its oviously mag1c!

"Do not be foolish master Red there is no such thing as sorcery." Arbiter commented while a voice said "Actually that red ringed freak is right, it IS magic." "t0ld u!" commented RROD and continued with. "wai, Who R U?" And gets dismembered by flying icicles "Im alrite" He commented in obvious pain before passing out. The voice revealed itself to a be a blue haired young man. "I am Alex and I demand that you relinquish that elemental star forthright." Arbiter commented "I believe I am in love" As he gave the Elemental star to Alex when the duo are hit by a Hadouken which reveals Metsu, the evil Lunamaria Hawke. "You two fags wont be taking the star, I will!" Arbiter in an offended tone said "For your information I am a lady." Suddenly the other three shockingly yell out "What?" Arbiter explained "I am a reptilian creature, it makes sense that I am of the feminine gender. I must say that I find it offensive that just because I lack the female anatomy of a humanoid you automatically assume that I am a gentleman!" "Screw this, I'm leaving" Metsu commented as she left. Alex also quietly disappeared in the confusion taking the star with him.

In the rooftops Metsu held a purple gem, the Jupiter star and grasping it she grinned. "So this thing is an elemental star? With this baby I'll kill Shinn with no problems, even Tails doll will be no match for me when I have them." Noticing the other side of the building we see Char Aznable holding a yellow gem along with a young boy carrying his shopping bags. "Okay Felix, we are almost at my lair soon the elemental star will be yours as agreed." Char said to the boy whom answered "Great! This cat food is heavy after all, and expensive it took all my gold to pay for it." Felix said while tearing up anime style.

Then Metsu drops down at the front of Char and Felix claiming boastfully "I doubt that since you will give me that star" Felix sees the purple gem and gleefully yells out. "Oh thank God you found the Jupiter star! I don't suppose you can hand it over? It would really save my ass with Saturos, Menardi, and Alex!" "Alex you say." Metsu glares at Felix as she gets closer while Felix fearfully explains. "Yeah! The elemental stars! There are four of them, Mister Char's yellow one is Venus or earth, Mercury the blue one which is water, yours is Jupiter or wind, and the red one is Mars or fire. They are very powerful and if you have them you could become a god. Why are you looking at me like that miss?" "Because I'm going to kick your asses and take the Venus star from you" "Mister Char! Back me up here!" Felix said fearfully as he sees Char is long gone, along with the cat food he dropped. Felix then tries to run away only to trip and suffer the wrath of his foe whom proceeded to beat him ruthlessly. After the beating Metsu leaves commenting "Now where did that Athrun like bastard went to?"

After getting to his base, an abandoned housing complex, ruined from years of misuse and gang warfare, and feeding his cat, Little Char. Char himself heads to the conveniently underground garage where he turns on the lights, revealing a giant drill tank. "Yes, with this star I can power my drilling machine and rob all the banks in the world. Then I can buy nukes which I can use to threaten China with, and use its army to conquer the world! BWAHAHA!" Char inserts the jewel into the tanks power core, activating the machine and begins to test the machine. "Fire the laser!" Char yells as a laser fires from the drill's tip which fires destroying half of the compound in one blast. Little Char was unhurt by the way.

Our heroes at that time were at their mansions living room along with Lalah who is interested in the gem that Kira found explaining its origins our heroes react with surprise and Shinn with glee saying "Whoa a stone of fire! This must be a gift from Firo the fire god of fire. Can I have it?" "Hell no Shinn! You are not going to use the elemental star to burn things!" Athrun angrily exclaimed. Lalah added "Besides this stuff is from Weyard a far away world, it might have viruses or super villains or something." Then Lalah, we should throw it away." "Athrun! These things are obviously valuable artifacts, I mean the monetary... er... scientific value is infinite! Now if you could just hand it over. I will sell... er... donate the stone to ebay." "FUCK NO! Its always like this!" Athrun yells while stomping his feet "Always, always, always, always! Every single time! I bet that right now a bunch of super villains will smash thru the door, wreck the place, and force us all to flee!" Tails doll and Kira came along, Kira finally recovering from the alcohol and Tails doll claiming. "So what? We beat them all before! We can do it again! Besides, what are the odds that something will happen again?" Suddenly an explosion resounds around the house blasting the door off it seams and flying into the wall. Athrun in the verge of tears and the rest of our heroes are met with the expected villains. "Greetings losers, I am Saturos. The lady behind me is Menardi and the gentleman is Alex. We are adepts looking for the elemental star I don't suppose you have it with you?" Athrun then begins to weep while everyone looks on prompting Menardi to comment. "Is your friend alright?" Kira answers "Yeah hes okay, he is Athrun after all. Kira continues on while Athrun's weeping grows worse and louder with each comment. "He has to get people to fix the house all the time, we have robot slaves, but pretty much always forget to use them. When you think about it we could just modify the robots to protect us or something or fix the house for free. And we are being forced to cut back actually due to all that happens" Athrun angrily punches Kira and shakes him around sternly saying. "Just shut up..." Tails doll steps forward and boastfully comments. "Ha! Don't you know who you are messing with? I'm the Tails doll dammit! And I'm gonna kick all your ass." Saturos throws a fireball which Tails doll deflect landing it on Athrun's head, burning him alive and destroying his hair Athrun who is just standing there depressed and exasperated causes Menardi to ask. "Are you sure he is alright?" Kira answering with "Yup, Athrun has had his hair torn off so many times he cant feel pain in his scalp anymore." Saturos exclaimed at that moment. "Hello! This is the part where I kill you all!" As Saturos charges his supernova attack ready to fire it at everyone, the floor collapses around them revealing Char and his drill tank. "So here you are you wonderful elemental stars! And what do you know my old nemesis's. Kira, Athrun and Shinn along with that Tails doll, AND the traitor Lalah. "This just cant get any worse can it?" commented Kira when an explosion rocked the house from the opposite wall where Metsu jumps out of from the smoke and wreckage. "Well, well, well, The elemental stars are all here huh? And look at this, more posers. You must be the ones Felix talked about before I kicked his ass." Metsu gloatingly commented as the villains recover and start looking at each other Mexican stand off style while our heroes flee to the garage to escape. Saturos spoke first "What the hell are you talking about? These are OUR stars." Char retorted "Don't you mean MY stars?" Metsu commented "I think we have a misunderstanding since they are MY stars." Alex continued :Well it appears we are at impasse, may I suggest that we kill each other and the survivor gets the stars?" Suddenly Char gets a cheap shot by launching missiles at Alex knocking him back in surprise as he yells "Agreed motherfucker!" And so the fight begins as the villains start throwing attacks.

Meanwhile our heroes at are the Zalavan fleeing at top speed to regroup. "So now can I use the star?" Shinn asked the group as everyone else answered with a collective no. At that time the group finds Felix tended by Geode a Venus Djinn for injuries.

The group attempted to avoid the Djinn but noticing the star Geode launches a barrage of giant boulders landing in front of the van causing to screech to a halt, nearly smashing onto the rocks. The group exits to confront the Djinn whom says. "You gotta help us dudes!" Athrun angrily yelled. "Why should we? You nearly crushed us to death!" Kira looking around goes to the injured Felix and helps him stand up, concernedly asking. "Are you OK? Don't worry we can get you help." Felix then said weakly "The elemental stars..." To which Shinn pulled a gun on Felix's face. Geode quickly yelped "Everyone, please calm down I can explain." Athrun took the gun from Shinn and cocked it at Geode commenting. "Oh no, we already had enough explaining from Saturos, Char AND Lunamaria, who are now trashing my mansion fighting over these damn stones!" Felix got up and said. "I'm sorry, its just that we are trying to use them to save Weyard, our world. Its dying from lack of Alchemy, the life force of our world. Its just that Saturos is a total dick about things. But we just want to go back to Weyard." Athrun now pointing the gun at Felix commented "Why should we believe you anyway?" Tails doll answered with "He's telling the truth, I can tell." "Are you insane Tails doll?" Kira then said "Look Tails doll can tell this stuff so lets trust them." Athrun relented dropping the gun and exclaiming "So whats the plan you two?" Felix explained with "I can get Saturos, Menardi and Alex to help us if I explain everything. Just leave it to me."

As our heroes return we find RROD and Arbiter watching the carnage; from a considerable distance. Arbiter mainly staring at Alex commenting "Oh yeah hot stuff, shake that ass." RROD meanwhile is amazed and disturbed at both the fighting and Arbiter's attitude and breaking of character. "I kant blieve I tri3d 2 get teh stars frm th3m! I mst hve bin insAne!" Meanwhile the mansion almost totally wrecked the villains are busy beating the crap out of each other. Saturos and Menardi double teaming their foes, Char wildly firing his drill lasers and missiles, and Metsu punching the floor knocking her foes off balance and spamming Gou Hadoukens. Meanwhile out of sight Alex is eating cake and sitting in a chair in the kitchen with no one the wiser lazily and insincerely cheering on his comrades. "Go team... rah rah rah... This cake is great its so delicious and moist. When our heroes appear and get out of the van. And Felix yells out "Stop it guys! You have to understand that the stones are necessary to saving Weyard and" Suddenly Felix gets blasted out by Saturos fire attacks and smashed into the pavement as the brawl raged on. Athrun then commented with a sigh. "Screw this. Shinn go pyro on their asses." He gives Shinn the Mars star which Shinn looks at giddily. "Now I will make beautiful wonderful fire!" As the star shines on, a powerful eruption rises from the ground detonating the area knocking all parties off. Saturos and Menardi land near Alex, smashing into the nearby cupboards, Metsu is blasted off ,

Team Rocket style, and Char is knocked off the tank landing somewhat away from RROD and Arbiter's location, which smashes into the van exploding and destroying it completely. Our heroes land somewhat better off as Athrun despairs, witnessing the van's destruction. The stars including the Mars star fly out landing on Felix. In the confusion everyone starts freaking out. "Where are the stars?" Menardi comments. "Dammit this is all Felix's fault!" Yelled Saturos "I'm gonna kill his ass!" "But Saturos"

"Hell no Menardi! You and I both know we can get another Venus adept!" Saturos concluded meanwhile a strange glowing, multicolored aura comes from Felix who starts laughing first calmly, and then going into insane and maniacally evil. "Yes! I have the power! No more weak and puny Felix! I am in charge now! And I will rule Weyard!" Everyone looks at Felix who has absorbed the elemental stars into his body. Saturos attacks with all his fire abilities yelling. "You think you're in charge you little son of a bitch! I'm gonna put you in your place!" All of Saturos attacks are ineffective against Felix's newfound power. Menardi worriedly asks "Alex, we could use your help..." Only to find that Alex disappeared in a hurry. Causing Menardi to complain

"That dirty traitor!" Saturos angrily kept attacking until getting tired, falling to his knees. Felix smiles with murderous intent clearly visible simply saying "I am god, worship me you sons of bitches!" As Felix launches a blast that levitates the duo basically melting them alive skin first then muscle and blood, then guts until only a pool of bile and two bleached skeleton remains which he drops into the floor, which then crumble into ashes. Terrified our heroes look on in amazement and disgust. Felix then smiles gently and mentions "I wont hurt you guys. You helped me after all, c'mon Geode we're leaving." Geode jumps into Felix's shoulders saying bye as the duo disappears in a pillar of light.

"I think this is gonna bite us in the ass someday..." Said Tails doll after a while of awkward silence with everyone looking upset at Shinn. Char runs off yelling "I'll be back!" While RROD and Arbiter leave disappointed Arbiter saying. "Well this is a disappointing finale to this current incident. I say lets go back, I could use a spot of tea."

As for Alex? He survived and is in hiding, currently in a mask store looking at a white half mask thinking "This could work out..."

**To be continued...**


	17. Chapter 14: The monkey's paw

**ZAFT of the radiance**

**CLAMPcataz**

We find ourselves in a suburban neighborhood some distance away from our heroes mansion, where we find Lelouch Lamperouge and his friend Suzaku Kururugi finishing up their work on their house. Lelouch wiping the sweat from his brow says "Well this wasn't so bad." Sukazu countering with "Yeah, fixing up this old house was pretty easy. It'll be a good place to hide out considering that were wanted fugitives in Britain." Looking at a window Lelouch continues until. "Well, hey, wait a minute, that dude just flipped me off!" "What in the hell are you talking about Lelouch?" "Over there Suzaku! That purple haired ass flipped me off! "You're overreacting again Lelouch, and that looks more like a shade of lavender to me." "That's not the point! I'm gonna moon the crap out of them!"

Meanwhile in the neighboring house we find said flipper Revive Revival and fellow innovade Healing Care whooping it up with Healing commenting "Did they see it?" Revive answered with "Oh they did see it, the question is what will they do about it?"

As they look on they discover that Lelouch is mooning them, with Healing yelling out. "That prick! He's mooning us!" "Oh so he wants a fight does he? That putz will rue the day he met us Innovators."

**Chapter 14: The Monkey's paw**

**Written by Aliasoddity**

Before we meet our heroes we find ourselves at the presence of Celestial beings Gundam meisters performing an important task critical to the survival of their organization; bargain hunting... "This is ridiculous Tieria!" Commented Lockon Stratos to his comrade Tieria Erde who is comparing the prices between bucket of ice cream. "Well Lockon, remember were broke after the whole Wang Liu Mei thing" "Well couldn't we get someone else to do it? Besides you control Veda, why not just get the stuff from the internet?" Meanwhile Allelujah Haptism is on fire and is being hosed down by Setsuna F. Seiei with a fire extinguisher. After stopping the fire Setsuna, annoyed took a monkey paw from Allelujah and threw it away into a trash bin.

Sometime later Kira Yamato wakes up from the same bin after passing out from another breakup fueled binge. Noticing the monkey paw he grabs it commenting. "Awesome! A monkey paw! These things grant wishes, what should I wish for first?"

Kira gets out of the garbage with his paw in tow, while being spied on by The red ring of death and The arbiter. RROD told his minion. "Do u c that Arbiter? Wiii need that pawz. Wii kan use it 2 get free wshs." Arbiter scratching her chin says "I must say that sounds rather delightful. But where have I heard that conundrum before?" "What do U mean Arbiter?" "Well sir, I recall hearing of a monkey paw before but I am unsure where." "L3tz steel it!" "Very well sir." commented Arbiter as they began to follow Kira in secret.

Back at our heroes mansion Kira is sneaking around the house, after finding a good hiding spot in a corner of the main hall. He looks at the monkey paw when suddenly "Can you feel the sunshine?" After a panicked scream from Kira at the sight of Tails doll the latter looks at the paw asking "Where did you get that monkey paw?" Kira responded quickly with "What monkey paw? This isn't a monkey paw I found in the trash! You're silly! (laughs insincerely)" Tails doll explained to Kira. "Look Kira, monkey paws are dangerous, they grant wishes but corrupt them to the point of causing death and catastrophe." "Isn't that the plot of the Wishmaster movies?" "Yes Kira, that too..." "So if I say, I wish Lacus Clyne would fall in love with me to the monkey paw it would grant my wish?" "Yes it would..." "Monkey paw, I wish Lacus Clyne would fall in love with me again!" Tails doll in a shocked and angry tone yelled at Kira "You moron! I told you that..." Eventually they notice that the paw just remains there doing nothing, Tails doll then asks to Kira "The hell? Why isn't it moving?" Kira then answered "Maybe its a dud?" Then disappointed threw the paw in a nearby table in the hallway. "This is lame!" Tails doll concluded with "Maybe there was nothing to worry about." And then the duo went on their merry ways.

The next day comes quickly as the doorbell rings in our heroes mansion as Athrun as often he does has ton answer it since everyone else is outside having a life. Athrun opens the door discovering a young blond girl, Kira's sister Cagali Yula Aatha, visibly upset. Seething she asks. "Where the hell is Kira?" Athrun answering "Cagali? What are you doing here? I thought you would be marrying Lacus in New York by now." "That's the point, ATHRUN. We were screw... er... planning for the wedding when Lacus said she was going to be with Kira." "Okay I'll admit that is REALLY strange, but maybe you are overreacting. Look Kira will be back soon so I think we should just wait here and ask him about it all." "I suppose you're right Athrun." "That and I can rub Shinn in the face with the fact that his ex is trying to kill him to avenge Rey, and managed to nearly kill him at one time." "Lunamaria? What have you been doing all this time Athrun?" As Athrun closed the door two large cardboard boxes snuck in from the window and wormed thru the house in secret.

Outside, and some distance away from the last scene we find Kira beneath a tree trying to fall asleep. "Stupid monkey paw. (sigh) What was I thinking? What made me think that I could get back with Lacus? Guess I should just give up." As Kira closes his eyes he is woken up by the sight of Lacus Clyne. "Now I'm hallucinating" "No Kira, its me." "Yeah sure..." "No, I'm serious, you see I love you Kira" Lacus claimed gently "And?" Suddenly Lacus goes gradually into a psychopathic tone saying "I heard about Lalah, I wont let anyone else have you Kira. I'm going to kill you, and then kill myself, so I can have you all to myself in the afterlife." Kira suddenly woke up only to see Lacus with a bowie knife aiming it at his chest and lunging it into him. Barely missing him as Kira dodges at the last second, Finally starting to flee from her attempt at murder. "DINN squadron, cook his ass." Lacus ordered in a walkie talkie causing a fleet of fifty large DINN armors to fly at Kira's direction. As Kira runs and hides in a dumpster the DINN forces begins to comb the area. When the groups leader, in a CGUE armor orders. "Send a squad to the boys house he is probably there."

At that time Athrun is opening the door again in a bitter tone commenting. "Who is it?" The group reveals itself to be the Gundam Meisters. Setsuna, Lockon, Allelujah, and Tieria. Athrun after a moment of silence exclaims "Goddammit not you four again!"

Setsuna begins the conversation with "Look, where is the monkey paw?" Tieria continues with "Veda said that the monkey paw was here." Athrun retorted with, "What is a monkey paw? And how can you track a Monkey paw in the first place?" Tieria continued with. "A magical wishing item that corrupts the wishes causing catastrophe and ruin. And Ptolemy has a evil magic item radar next to the pirate and ninja radars." Allelujah meanwhile notices RROD and Arbiter running off with the paw and says. "Guys I saw the paw." Tieria then says "Are you seeing things again?" "But Tieria." Lockon then comments "Nobody cares Allelujah!" Shinn runs to Athrun yelling. "Athrun! That red ring guy and Arbiter stole something from us! Athrun tells Shinn.

"Nobody cares Shinn!" A girls voice is heard over the groups intercom. This is Feldt! Somehow the paw is moving! To get it back press R or Z button twice! By the way a large group of goons are coming to your location, You better use bombs wisely!"

An explosion rocks the mansion as twenty DINN and the CGUE leader surround the area readying their guns. Tails doll and Cagali come outside of the mansion where Cagali yells "What the fuck are you people doing?" The CGUE leader answering with "I apologize miss Cagali, but we have been ordered to kill you all by Miss Lacus." Tails doll in amazement comments "The monkey paw worked? Wait, where is the paw?" Setsuna says "Feldt said that the paw was moved." Tails doll yells

"It was moved? This is bad!" "Excuse me, but we are on a schedule and need to kill you all now." The CGUE leader complained to them when he is suddenly blown up by a barrage of beam fire, As a large white and red painted, armored van pulls over to our heroes which gets shot at without mercy only to have their shots blocked by a GN field. The door opens revealing Soma Pieres who yells out "Get in! We're gonna go thru these bastards! I'm gonna show them what the number one super soldier can do!" As our heroes enter the van Soma shifts the gear stick and floors it plowing thru the DINN troops.

We find our heroes hiding in a back alley alongside Celestial Being's van, while hordes of DINN terrorize the city, and Athrun, Cagali and Setsuna in a three way argument. Cagali starting off with "You dumb moronic jerkfaces! How could you do this? Athrun talked back with. "What? Its my fault you screwed Lacus and got caught by Kira?""If the shoe fits Athrun!" "You're always like this Cagali! Always blaming other people for your dumb ideas! I kept quiet about it so SOMEONE could keep a cool head in this sort of scenario! But I guess I was wrong!" Setsuna interjected with a "Will you two SHUT UP? You argue like an old married couple!" and then mumbling "No wonder I avoid significant relationships, I'd probably go insane if I had to take this from Feldt." Both Athrun and Cagali yelled out. "What did you say Gundam nerd?" Setsuna annoyed told them "I've being getting therapy asswipes! And with a psychotic twitch in his eye said "I have it under control..."

Meanwhile trying to ignore the chaos nearby the rest of our heroes try to figure out a way out of this mess, but first coffee. "This is pretty good Tieria" Commented Lockon while taking a sip from a Dynames Gundm head shaped mug. "Yes, I got it from Veda." Shinn looking at random stuff in the van asks to the group. "What are all these toys doing here in the back?" Marie Prefacy, Soma Peries alternate persona answered with. "Merchandising my friend, Merchandising." Shinn asked "I thought Celestial Being was loaded?" Tieria explained with "We WERE loaded. Then we had that "crisis" with the traitor who sold off the GN drive technology those DINN are using. Things pretty much snowballed from there and all our investors were killed or turned themselves in for protection, and well, we in the Ptolemy crew are more or less the only ones left active." Lockon added. "Those kids Crossroad and Halevy help out a bit, but they are under police surveillance so we mostly get our funds by having them sell merchandise and sneaking out royalties." Tails doll muttered "That's depressing... And the monkey paw?" Allelujah said "Setsuna is somewhat of an impulsive buyer. He thought it was some Death note collectible until I used it, and then he threw it in the chaos of extinguishing my burning body."

"Cool! Look TD! Its a Haro hat!" Yelled out Shinn continuing with "I want one TD! I want one!" "Pay for it yourself Shinn! Just because we don't work due to being menaces to society, doesn't mean we don't get Social security checks."

"Fine! Hey Lockon! How much for the hat?" Tieria quickly responded with "$19.99 plus tax." Shinn pays the money and giddily puts it on. At that time Kira stumbles from the street into the alley hiding in a trashcan and falling into the ground. Shinn in amazement yelled out "Holy crap Kira you're alive!" Suddenly Cagali and Athrun quit arguing and stomp towards a terrified Kira who meekly said "Hello guys." Only to be brutally beaten and stomped by the angry duo. At that time Setsuna's cell phone rang with the song Mosaku with a "Do a barrel roll" chorus, answering he comments "So you found something Feldt?" "Setsuna, we found the thieves its that Red ring guy and that Arbiter chick they're hiding under a bridge 3 miles south of here avoiding the DINN forces by hiding in cardboard boxes. Stay alert Setsuna! Trust your instincts! Do a barrel roll!" Setsuna suddenly hangs up annoyed and exclaims "We gotta go!" Shinn asks "Wait how will getting the Monkey paw undo this whole mess? Tails doll tells "Haven't you seen Wishmaster? All you got to do it is use the paw to unwish everything that happened." Shinn counters with "Like hell you're getting rid of my Haro hat!" Marie turning back into Soma yells "Can we just go already?"

As the van leaves a man jumps out revealing the face of Jerid Meesa who proclaims. "Okay Celestial Being! Today we settle... Where is everyone?" Then a large group of DINN come out from above readying their weapons, angrily Jerid boasts "Are you here to give me a hard time because I'm a Titan?" When suddenly he is forced to dodge their bullets and hide behind a dumpster screaming like a girl. "I surrender!"

Meanwhile in said bridge RROD and Arbiter are fighting over the monkey paw. "No wai! UR not gttin wish bef4 me doodz" Claimed RROD, while Arbiter swiped the paw using his superior speed and size.

"I wish that you would speak like a normal person." The paw remains completely inactive causing Arbiter to comment. "This is a forgery! A fraud!" "How could you do this Arbiter? You ruined me!" "What are you talking about sir? And what's the,

wait a minute. Why aren't you using Leet speak?" "Because Arbiter that monkey paw works!" Suddenly RROD takes advantage of Arbiter's shock, swiping the paw and wishing. "I wish you were a retard!" Arbiter commented "How dare you si-duh,

green, green, the wall is green." RROD laughed like crazy dropping the paw when Lacus Clyne appeared next to them along with a group of GuAIZ ready to fire. Gently she said to the duo "Hello friends, I have heard of you." While going increasingly manic in tone. "You want to hurt Kira... I won't let you hurt him., no I won't let you. Then in singsong tone "I'm gonna fucking murder you." RROD worried ordered. Arbiter get 'em!" While Arbiter is chewing on a rusty can. "Oh shit."

Sometime later on Celestial being's van reaches the bridge where they find RROD and Arbiter beaten and broken, prompting Athrun to say "What the hell happened here?" RROD rolled over and started to speak "Some girl... did this... she... had... pink hair... and was psycho... "That's Lacus she, wait a minute, why isn't Red ring talking like a mingebag?" Commented Athrun "And where is the damn paw?" RROD then said "She stole it and went off in a giant fortress, over there..." RROD somehow points to a large pink castle with a giant pink Haro face. Everyone assembled shared a look of shock and annoyance and Athrun commented. "Yep, that's Lacus castle all right." Kira worriedly commented. "Do we have to go there?" While everyone else yelled "YES!"

**To be continued...**


	18. Chapter 15: Lacus moving castle

**ZAFT of the radiance**

**CLAMPcataz**

We find ourselves once again at the Lamperouge house as the innovades Revive and Healing tag their house with offensive language and run away laughing. As Lelouch and Suzaku watch and read on Lelouch is not amused. "We eat our own farts?

We are gay pirates? We enjoyed Sonic 2006? This is outrageous Sukazu!" Yelled Lelouch at the top of his lungs. Suzaku tried to calm him down with "Maybe we should cut our losses and walk away." and laughs sheepishly, causing Lelouch to retort.

"NO! The time for maturity, IS OVER!" "So what should we do Lelouch?" "Leave it to me Suzaku, Leave it to me." Lelouch answered as he began to laugh insanely and evilly.

Now we see Lelouch and Suzaku with gas masks holding a large pressurized hose connected to a tank full of diarrhea. Suzaku exclaimed "Where did... No wait, I don't want to know where you got all this shit." "Well Suzaku, time for operation

"This shit is on now." Lelouch Vi Brittania commands you to let the shit fly!" At Lelouch's decree the device activates launching a rain of shit into the innovades house so powerful that it breaks their windows and sends the duo flying into the air, over their house and into a tree in the backyard. "How do you like that motherfuckers!" Yelled Lelouch as the duo get stuck on the branches of the tree.

**Chapter 15: Lacus moving castle.**

**Written by Aliasoddity**

We find our heroes today at the feet of pink castle. The current lair of a Monkey paw spellbound Lacus Clyne, who is attempting to kill our heroes in a jealous rage. "There is no way this is going to work!" Kira bellowed out at both our heroes and Celestial being as Athrun clenches his fist while trying to contain his current anger at the situation, explaining to Kira. "Look we don't have time for anything fancy we need to get in, get the paw, and fix this whole mess YOU caused." Allelujah couldn't help but blurt out "Where did she get all this stuff? I heard Lacus Clyne was loaded, but how did she get an army and a giant evil fortress?" With Marie adding "And why so pink? At least it could be a subtle tone instead of this salmon pink shit." When she suddenly bumps into an invisible barrier. "What the hell?" Suddenly she finds everyone in Celestial being as well as Red ring of death and a retarded Arbiter trapped in the barrier while in a split second Kira is teleported away and Athrun, Shinn, Cagali and Tails doll are sucked into the castle. As the castle gates close they try to open it to no avail. RROD exclaims "Not good! Now what?" Setsuna then says "We need to get to the Gundams! We have no choice but to blast our way in!" At that time the Starwolf theme from Starfox 64 starts to play prompting Lockon to exclaim. "Motherfucker! Not those guys again!" Then a voice says "Can't let you do that Celestial Being!"

Suddenly a group of Mobile suits fly out from the castle. Led by Paptimus Scirocco in The O, "Don't get too cocky Celestial being!" Yazan Gable in the Hamrabi "The bitch Lacus ordered us to destroy you!" Reccoa Londe and Sarah Zabiarov co-piloting the Palace Athene with Sarah shouting "I'm gonna do you real good Peppy!" And Reccoa mumbling "dumbass..." And Jerid Meesa in the Byalant "Lacus enemy, is my enemy!" "Crap! Its the Titans... "Mutters Tieria before Setsuna yells out "Lets go!" Allelujah then asks Marie "You should stay here Marie." Soma taking over complains "Why should I? With Allelujah responding as he points out to RROD and Arbiter. "Someone has to make sure those two morons don't steal the car.

Or get killed as well." "Dammit, you got a point... Maybe I can get some help in breaking into the castle. Just be careful, they may be useless morons but they can be tricky if you let your guard down." As the four Meisters set up to board their respective Gundams Soma goes to RROD and Arbiter and tells them. "C'mon you two no sense standing around here like idiots. I know someone who can help us out in a case like this."

Inside the castle we find Athrun, Shinn and Tails doll getting their bearings straight, discovering that the insides of the castle are a mess. Large fields of spikes litter the walls, floors and ceiling. As Dinn, Babi and CGUE patrol the hallways. Moving platforms fly across the many chasms and pits as laser cannons look around armed and ready. "Can you feel the sunshine?" Tails doll exclaims as the trio looks at the death traps scattered in their path. Shinn comments "Well now we know where Lacus got the castle, She swiped it from Dr. Wily. Athrun comments "Well if this is a Wily castle then Kira and Lacus must be in the center area." Noticing Cagali missing Athrun muses "Where did that girl run off to?

At that time Cagali was on her own hiding from sight and scurrying thru the castle. "I'll save you Lacus! I won't let that slut Kira take you away!" Suddenly she is spotted by a group of DINN who proceed to shoot at her as she whelps "Shit" And starts fleeing for her life with her hands covering her head. Diving into a open sewage pipe and hiding in it. As the DINN left she tried to get out of the waste and smell but as she tried to climb out a surge of waste and water rushes down washing her away into the depths of the sewer system.

We now go to an Earth Federation depot where we find Andrei Smirvov, Soma/Marie's elder brother of sorts picking up a call given to him by Steve a tall lanky black fox. "This is Andrei speaking, whats wrong Soma/Marie?"

"Andrei, I need a favor from you." "Which is?" "We got into some trouble in a mission there is a huge castle..." "I heard about it on the news sister. Apparently celebutant Lacus Clyne goes evil and sends her army to attack Beverly Hills. I guess I should have known you would be involved in it." "Well that's it Andrei I need some high explosives to blow a hole in a wall in that castle." "Why not just use Harute?" "Those morons in the Titans got in the way." "And that's why I will forever be grateful that they fired those idiots. Anyway I can get your bombs. I'll sneak them in with the troops that are coming to deal with the situation. Ask for a guy named Terry when they get there." "Thanks Andrei!" "Anytime Soma/Marie, by the way, Has that Allelujah guy

gotten fresh with you?" "ANDREI!" Soma/Marie hangs up as Andrei sighs in annoyance. "Allelujah is such a wuss, three years dating and he hasn't made a move on her. At this rate she'll reach menopause, and dear god I'm sounding like an old Jewish mother again!"

Back at the action we find Celestial Being in full battle with the Titans, First Setsuna versus Scirocco as the 00 Quanta dodges and weaves the barrage of the O as Scirocco taunts. "Well if it isn't Setsuna F. Silas!" Setsuna upset, responds with. "Are you comparing me to the albino from the Da Vinci code?" "Its so obvious! You aren't fooling anyone with the makeup and dyed hair!" "For that line I'm gonna kick your ass twice as hard Scirocco!" Setsuna readies his GN Buster rifle and shoots at Scirocco who manages to dodge not noting Setsuna's bluff as he activated Trans-AM and rocketed behind the O using the separated GN sword IV to slice thru Paptimus suit cutting off its left arm, as Scirocco gets some distance against his foe.

"Still as good as ever huh Setsuna? Its a pity you don't understand my genius like that Lacus girl does." "Somehow I doubt that is how it happened." Setsuna comments "I'm pretty sure as usual shot you down and threatened you like all of your other bosses! Which im not surprised since you are an idiot who only thinks with his tiny dick." Paptimus hesitates in shock yelling "I'm gonna fucking kill you for that one" as Setsuna uses his swords rifle mode whose shots hit Scirocco easily causing him to angrily draw out all his remaining beam sabers toward his foe with murderous intent. His charge is blocked by a GN field formed by the sword bits and as Paptimus is shaken up Setsuna capitalizes swinging his sword downward at an angle that takes out the O's head and right arm, knocking him out of the fight as he smashes into the ground with force.

Next up Lockon against Yazan, Zabanya agains Hamrabi. At first Lockon is somewhat overwhelmed by Hamrabi's mobile armor mode as he careens and swoops around Lockon who comments "This guy is pretty good, for someone who can't tie his own shoelaces." Yazan surprisingly picks up on the comment yelling out. "Are you calling me an idiot?" In which Lockon responds insincerely "Of course not! Why would I suggest that to a gifted individual as yourself?" Yazan responding sheepishly and proudly with "Obviously! I am the great Yazan!" Lockon continued with "I guess you know this but the Zanbaya is weak to a mobile suit self destructing, so you would win if you blew yourself up." Yazan responds with "Of course I knew that!" Suddenly Yazan activates the self destruct mechanism promptly blowing himself up while leaving Lockon unscathed and victorious. "I can't believe he fell for that again!" With his orange Haro saying "This is the twelfth time! This is the twelfth time!"

Now we go to Allelujah in Harute against Sarah and Reccoa in the Palace Athene. Even without Soma, Allelujah was holding on admirably avoiding all of all the Palace Athene's fire with ease. "They're doing quite well today." Allelujah commented as he traded fire with the duo. Then Hallelujah made his voice heard. "Hey, I got an idea on how to deal with those two." "Does it involving killing them?" Allelujah griped to which Hallelujah responded "Not worth it, just follow my lead." Hallelujah opens a channel and says "Hey little girls, I'm curious which one of you was Scirocco's favorite again?" To which Reccoa and Sarah answered simultaneously with "I am!" Sarah then griped "You? I don't think so! I'm Master Paptimus number one follower!

Reccoa counters with "You retard! He is using psychology to freak us out!" Sarah angrily jumps out of her front seat and grabs Reccoa angrily and psychotically yelling. "You think you can psyche me out huh bitch? You think you can have Master Paptimus all to yourself huh? Well I won't let you you damn floozy!" Reccoa angrily pushes back yelling "What did you call me you ice cream sucking cow?" And they continue to argue unaware that Allelijah used Harute's scissor bits to chop off the Athene's arms, legs, head, guns and thrusters clean off causing her to crash into the ground. Hallelujah could only laugh as the bickering continues devolving into a fist fight between his two foes and Allelujah could only comment. "They really should get therapy."

Finally Tieria in Raphael and Jerid in his Byalant. Jerid tries to hit Tieria with his beam sabers but misses constantly as Tieria inches away from his blows with ease prompting him to say in concern. "Maybe you should have stuck to the Marasai or something." Jerid answered with anger and more flailing commenting "Shut up! Shut up! What do you know?" Tieria replied "I'm serious! Look, just stand still and I'll see if I can do something about it." Tieria takes out his GN claws grabbing Jerid's Byalant and leaving him open, Jerid screams as Tieria pulls out the bulkier armor, and modifies it slightly resulting in a surprisingly sleeker and more functional Mobile suit which still flew. Jerid visibly overjoyed moves his suits arms and says "Wow, this is great! Thanks! You're a real pal! Jerid goes off to show his improved suit to the others yelling "Hey guys! Look that purple guy fixed up my suit and..." Jerid quiets down as he sees the ruined wreckage that are his comrades suits and realizes he is surrounded by Celestial being. In his panic Jerid starts crying and runs away in fear yelling "Please don't hurt me! I surrender!" And flies off into the distance.

At that time Police chief Mappy and his officers were called on to deal with the crisis unsure on what to do they just stood there with Mappy banging the door. Meanwhile Mihoshi and Kiyone find Marie rigging a crapload of bombs to a wall at the side of the fortress with RROD watching in awe, and Arbiter playing with a Celestial being skinned Nintendo DS. Mihoshi yells out "What are you doing?" With Kiyone putting her hand over her partners mouth. Marie looks at them saying "You're cops right?" As the two nod Marie explains her plan. "I'm rigging some bombs to blow a hole inside here so me and the others can save some people trapped inside. Mihoshi speaks out "That's genius! Let's tell the chief this! Kiyone then grabs her and tells her

"You bonehead! This is our golden chance, if we help her out on our own we'll be heroes! Suddenly Kiyone is cut off as an earthquake hits the area and the castle rises into the air and begins to move away from its spot releasing a fleet of DINN and GuAIZ outside to battle Celestial Being, everyone can only look in awe as pink castle flies away into the city. After some silence Mihoshi blurts out "Shouldn't we be doing something about that place now?" As all parties scramble to their vehicles to give chase.

Inside the castle's interior we find Kira tied down naked in a bed regaining consciousness. Seeing his surroundings he notices Lacus in a leather dominatrix outfit and a whip. Afraid Kira yells out "What's going on? What are you doing?"

Lacus then says "Nothing's happening Kira, I'm only taking out the competition. Soon they're will be nobody to get in our way." Kira tries to struggle and yells out "Let me go! The paw is doing this to you!" "I'm not listening Kira." Lacus claims as she gets closer cracking her whip. The screen suddenly fizzles out and we find Aliasoddity Kyuubei and GLaDOS trying to fix an antenna, Alias complains with "And they were getting to the good part! Okay I think I got the wires right! Lets see..."

"Don't forget that its red then blue" "I know GLaDOS" Kyuubei then quiets everyone by saying "Look its back on."

We find ourselves with Athrun, Shinn and Tails doll facing off against a large twenty foot tall yellow stone cyclops, the infamous Yellow devil, firing his eye blasts on our heroes Tails doll tries to use thunder magic on Yellow devil's eye but it does little damage against him. "Great what do we do now Athrun?" Yells out Shinn in panic. As he stumbles into a bleached skeleton with some scraps of clothing and a belt with a Nintendo controller on it. Shinn freaked out tries to kick away the remains when Athrun stops him saying. "Good job Shinn! We can win!" Shinn confused looks on as Athrun explains "This is the belt of the legendary Captain N the greatest gamer of the late 80's and early 90's" Shinn comments "How do you know that?" Athrun responds with

"I saw the show when I was a kid. Anyway, this belt gives its wearers the abilities to cheat in videogames! And that's how we can win!" Tails doll runs to the duo holding a barrier to block the devils flying rocks yelling "What are you talking about?"

Athrun responding with. "In the old Nintendo power cheat circles there was a story in that the Yellow devil from Megaman could be beaten by using the pause trick in which after using Thunder beam on the devil you pause the game with the select button, you wait for one or two seconds then unpause the game and the boss took damage again if you keep doing that you can defeat the Yellow devil in one shot." "Let's do this guys" Tails doll comments as the devil reforms Tails doll prepares to fire a thunder blast and with excellent timing Athrun taps the select button several times pausing and continuing the game as the Yellow devil fell apart at the seams. "We did it guys!" Yelled Shinn happily as the trio high fived each other, and moved on into the briny depths

Deeper in the castle our intrepid trio opens the next boss gate, greeted by smoke they look around finding a large robotic dragon oddly whom is the source of the smoke as seen from the large marijuana cigarette its holding in its mouth. It commented in a stoner voice. "Dude! Look at those humans! They are so small! Heheheheheh! Like little pizza pockets!" Shinn yells "Who are you?" And the dragon says " I'm Puff the magic mecha dragon. God I'm so wasted. I don't know what's going on anymore.

The colors man, they're gone. Does that mean that brown is the color of the future?" Tails doll commented "So Athrun man, what's this guys weakness?" Athrun commented "Quick boomerang or Atomic fire actually" "Awesome" Shinn exclaimed

"Now I will show you the might of Firo the fire lord of the fire. Hey big guy come down here for a minute I got something to show you." Mecha dragon drops down and looks at Shinn spewing out a large dose of Marijuana smoke causing Shinn to yell out. "Dear god! You smell like Dearka!" Shinn, stunned at the smell lies paralyzed as the dragon says "Well dude?" Suddenly Tails doll uses his fire magic melting him into a puddle of slag, and torching the giant joint as well, which unfortunately worsen the smoke around the lair causing our heroes to rush to the exit to the next part of the lair.

At the third ring of the castle, our heroes enter finding a trio of red eyed Kira's standing around on three vertical platforms armed with plasma guns, and began moving around shooting plasma bullets at the heroes as they dodge Tails doll asks Athrun about their weaknesses with Athrun saying "Search snakes and Top spin" Shinn yells out "You gotta be kidding! Top spin! That worthless gay assed piece of crap weapon?" "Just use snakes then Shinn!" Tails dolls jumps into battle summoning snakes only to have them all pass thru harmlessly, in frustration Tails doll yells out "What the hell?" Athrun then claims "Some of them are holograms you need to hit the real one." "But how?" Tails doll asks with Shinn saying "We'll use the seizure procedure!" In visible shock the other two hear of Shinn's plan as they hide behind rocks to avoid the clones attacks. "You see the real one must produce a shadow so we'll use the seizure procedure to light up the place. Then Tails doll can use his snake summons to attack the real one!" Athrun amazed said "Holy fucking shit! That's the most intelligent plan you've ever said. Lets do it!" Then Athrun and Shinn charge up and with the words "Seizure procedure" A red and blue swirling flash and rave music surround the lair.

As Tails doll prepares to attack one of the clones fires a burst smashing into Athrun and Shinn, causing Shinn to slip off and crash into the three clones smashing thru the platforms with colossal might and landing on the floor leaving the clone in ruins.

We now turn our attention to Cagali who finally washes up from the sewer system. Coughing up the filthy water Cagali smiles in relief, and starts to laugh screaming. "I'm alive! I'm alive! God hates lesbians huh? Well God can kiss my atheist ass!

Now where am I?" Suddenly as Cagali got out of the shore she is spotted by a BuCUE Kerberos, as Cagali slowly turns over in fear she sees the three headed mobile doll who proceeds to breathe on her, she nervously mutters "Nice doggy..." When she is grabbed by the doll as slammed around the floor repeatedly only to be tossed into the river of sewage which drags her off again.

Back at the large mobile suit battle with Celestial being we find them dogged and pursued by hordes of mobile suits and dolls in the chaos Lockon mentions "It sure would be nice for a Deus ex Machina now" A few moments of a silence and a shot to Zanbaya's chest after he yells out "Where the fuck is everyone else? Tieria the chimes in with "Can't you just use full burst mode or something?" Lockon responds with "Full ASSAULT mode Tieria, I'm not going to be associated with the beam spammers of the SEED series." Tieria can only wonder with "How do we even know about Gundam SEED if it is canon that Gundam SEED or SEED destiny never happened in this world? The screen suddenly shifts to our authors where Kyuubei mentions

"Now that I think about it its true what Tieria says. How do you explain that Alias?" Alias comments "Well, ever watched the ending of Brave Express Might Gaine where it is found out by the cast that their whole universe is a TV show made to sell toys?

Its kinda like that around here, only without the sweet, sweet, merchandising money." Back at the fight we find Zabanya using his burst mode to destroy all the enemies in one shot impressing the group greatly. After some celebratory clapping Setsuna notices "Where did the castle go to anyway?" With Allelujah responding "Judging from the burning city of Beverly Hills over there I would say... over there..."

Meanwhile inside Pink castle's fourth ring we find our heroes in the transporter room, where Athrun comments. Guess we will be facing eight previous villains from our past now." Shinn retorts with "Crap, well we beat em before so what's the worst that could happen? Lets just pick a teleporter pod and get it over with." Our heroes get in the leftmost pod and warp to a barren arena where the song Airman ga Taosenai begins to play prompting a reaction of dread by Athrun who comments "Oh damn!

That song! Its Airman!" As if on cue the fan based robot master descends from the heavens ready to do battle. Shinn yells "What now Athrun?" Who responds promptly with "I don't know, I never beat Airman without the Leaf shield." Tails doll then comments "Fan-fucking-tastic."

A severe beat down provided by Airman later, we find our heroes logging off the internet and readying for a fight. Athrun goes by their plan "Well we checked Game FAQ's for the strategy guide involving this area, and it seems that the rightmost pod has Metal man in it, who is the easiest robot master ever, mainly because he is terribly weak to his own weapon. We then use the Metal blades to kill Woodman so we can get the Leaf shield and kill Airman and the other robot masters." Tails doll claims that "Sounds simple enough, lets go." And Shinn runs to the teleporter yelling out "SHIIIIINNNNN ASUUUKAAAA!" prompting the other two to give chase. The trio enter Metal man's lair finding Metal man already dead, in their curiosity the trio investigate and find he accidentally killed himself with his own master weapon while trying to catch it. Tails doll comments "Now what?" And Athrun tells them "Maybe we should touch it and it'll give us its weapon." The trio touches and suddenly change colors, Athrun and Shinn's clothing and Tails doll furn turning into hues of brown and yellow and the screen changing to a weapon get demonstration in which Tails doll gets the Metal blades, Athrun gets a sword technique called Hagane Kakou and Shinn gets a gun called Metal shooter. The trio then do an epic pose to heavy rock music, and a booming voice saying "Weapon get!"

"That was pretty freaking epic" Shinn commented as they returned to the hub "Yeah Megaman is pretty awesome, who would have thought" Commented Tails doll while Athrun charged up his beam sword saying "Lets kill em' all!" Shinn replied with

"Hell yeah!" And Tails doll with "By the power of Yoshiyuki Tomino! CHARGE!" And so our heroes charge thru the teleporters ready to slay their foes.

They go to Woodman first when they meet him our heroes readying their weapons lay eyes on their foe when Shinn yells out "Suck it down you indecent freak!" Woodman countered with "What the hell are you talking about?" as he cut to shreds by our heroes mighty assault. Airman came next as the trio readies their Leaf shield. Airman could only chuckle as he fires his Air shooter to little effect, worried shown by an anime style sweat drop Airman begins to step back as Athrun prepares his beam sword whispering "Come here blowhard, I'm gonna make you my bitch" Athrun leaps forward at a terrified Airman who gets stabbed right thru the head, killing him quickly and gorily.

Six less important robot master fights later we find ourselves at Lacus lair where we find Kira rather beaten up with whip marks all over him, several inactive vibrators taped in him and one of those rubber bondage balls. As our heroes release a traumatized Kira who starts weeping wildly "Oh thank god I'm saved!" Shinn asked "Firodamned! What happened to you?" As Tails doll heals and conjures up clothes for Kira he explains. "Oh it was horrible! That woman has gone psycho!" The other three are shocked at Kira's comments and Athrun said. "Does that mean?" Kira then said "Yeah, it seems the horrible experience scarred me for life and killed all feelings of fondness for Lacus." Athrun then said "Wow, I can't believe it! Good job!" Kira continued with "Yeah, I'm actually gay now!" Athrun then ankwardly commented "um... Congratulations Kira! I support your new lifestyle! I guess..."

A huge explosion rocked the ugly pink room as Lacus busted in with a giant mech shaped like a pink METEOR system with a Haro cockpit. Angry at the scene Lacus rants "After all I did for you! After all that has happened! You leave ME? I'm gonna kill you all! Feel the wrath of the Lacusmachine Mk. I!" And prepares a barrage of fire like few ever seen. Tails doll hands Kira a copy of the Metal blades ability turning his clothes brown and yellow and summoning a Z-buster like gun. Kira smiles and nods as the epic showdown begins. As laser fire and Metal blades clash we find Marie, RROD and Arbiter sneaking in behind the battle and grabbing the Monkey paw. With Marie wishing on the paw. "I wish everything was back to normal." Suddenly a flash of power floods thru the castle, once the light dies down RROD speaks joyfully commenting "H00rey I speek n0rmAL agin!" And Arbiter comments "Yes and I am not mentally handicapped anymore! Now to proceed with my vengeance on sir." Arbiter cracks his knuckles and creeps closer to RROD who starts running away with Arbiter giving chase. Marie relieved prepares to destroy the paw when a shot grazes her hand knocking away the pad which is stolen by a mysterious black bipedal cat with a long springy tail and a tell tale gold mask. The cat thing claims "Well, well, well this paw now belongs to the glittering troll crux. RROD and Arbiter both yell out "Pledgemaster gory355! What are you doing here?" in their own ways. Who then explains

"You failed the crux for the last time pledges! You are fired!" gory355 leaves in a flash surprising everyone.

The battle rages on as the light seizes to shine, with Lacus commenting "What happened?" As a Metal blade hits dead center blowing up the Lacusmachine leaving only a pink flying saucer hovering over the air. "Its over Lacus! You lost!" Yelled Kira as he readied his buster gun for another charge shot. When from a ventilation shaft Cagali appeared, broken wet and wounded she crawls toward the Lacus saucer muttering. "I... came... to... save...you..." Lacus smiled and then said. "That won't be necessary." Lacus continued as heartwarming music plays on "You see I learned something valuable today. That I should be more independent, for too long I've relied on others to fill the void deep inside me, when I realized that my happiness was actually close by.

You see I love... being evil." The record suddenly scratches quiet as everyone lies dumb founded. "I don't need you anymore Cagali, or you Kira, or any of you losers. Now if you don't mind I'm off to conquer and subjugate all of the universe."

And with an evil laugh, Lacus flies off into the distance leaving our heroes in shock and Cagali in tears yelling out "WHY LACUS? WHY? I'VE TRIED MY BEST! WHY CAN'T ANYONE UNDERSTAND!" As she curls into the fetal position with Kira commenting. "GODDAMIT CAGALI SHUT UP OR I SWEAR I WILL GRAB YOUR IPOD AND SHOVE IT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS, THAT THE SONG CRAWLING IN MY SKIN WILL PLAY EVERY TIME YOU GO TO THE TOILET!" Cagali immediately shuts up and goes to hide in a corner while everyone else lies in shock at Kira's unusual loss of temper. With Athrun commenting "That was ironic... At least its all over for now." At finishing those words Marie comes in yelling

"Guys, someone stole the monkey paw!"

**To be continued...**

Alias notes: This chapter is dedicated in loving memory of the Rockman/Megaman videogame series, you will be missed.December 17 1987- July 18 2011 "_Fight on Rockman, for everlasting peace!"_ Megaman 1 ending.


	19. Season 1 finale: ZAFT of the radiance

**The Kira, Athrun and Shin show**

**CLAMPcataz**

We find ourselves at the Innovator house where Revive Revival and Healing Care plot semi-evilly. Revive and Healing are preparing fireworks, carefully aiming them at the open window of Lelouch's room. Healing then comments "Okay Revive!

The first one who hits his butt gets a million points." "Works for me Healing! Now witness my mad skills!" Revive lights a rocket and skillfully aims it landing up the victims asshole. Whom after a scream of pain we find it to be Suzaku, not Lelouch. In some surprise and embarrassed Revive chuckles while Healing says "Not bad, guess you get the million points now its my turn!" Healing then props out a large Howitzer loaded with bottle rockets sixty in total and shoots them at the room where Suzaku is writhing in pain and agony in the ground. The rockets promptly enter the room, destroying the room. Lelouch and Nunnaly rush in to find the destruction as the Innovator duo laughs it up.

Later on in a private conversation with Lelouch an extremely angry Suzaku raves. "Those pricks! They did it!" Lelouch counters with "Aren't you taking it to far Sukazu?" "I can easily kick your ass you know. Anyway you tell me that when you have a firecracker shoved up your ass while doing exercise! Time for payback!" Suzaku calls a pizza company and covering his nose says. "Hello guv'nor I'd like to order fifty, no, A HUNDRED million pizzas!"

**Season 1 finale: ZAFT of the radiance.**

Before we meet our heroes we find ourselves at the glittering troll HQ. A mysterious secretive compound in Southern Cross island which... has a giant neon sign saying "glittering troll crux lives here, no solicitors please." Inside in a dark room with a large spotlight above, a circular table and banners all around emblazoned with the glittering troll logo a pedobear like troll with a mask. A booming voice echoes commenting "The leader of office minor with an Xbox LIVE account, evilVic666!" Then a built blond young man with a sleeveless shirt and a gold mask shaped like a six is revealed. "The leader of office Leroy Jenkins, Dialgachick!" A young girl with ridiculously large potpie hat and a gold mask with Dialga markings. The leader of office

Halo versus Call of duty, Capcomman8!" A tall buff man with many guns and bombs strapped on him with a golden Master chief mask and an army helmet. The leader of office Team FourSlar, drag00n!" A voluptuous woman with a inside a dragon suit and a gold mask with a four star dragonball imprinted on it. "The leader of office Grammar Nazi, Bonuschan!" A skinny haggish woman with a witches hat, fishnet stockings and a gold mask with a slot machine arm on the side. "And finally leader of office Facebook in China, Wongdong!" A short fat androgynous robot with a golden mask shaped like a Chinese dumpling. "And so this meeting of the glittering troll crux now begins." drag00n starts with "So why are we here again?" with evilVic explaining

"That was me actually I just wanted to give my obligatory report on my awesome plan, which is "awesome" to rule the universe." Bonuschan annoyed barks out. "Must we go thru this AGAIN? We are not narcissistic supervillains. We are social club you know, we chat, play cards, and troll on random people in forums and chat rooms for no good reason but to be dicks." evilVic apparently ignoring all that was said continued. "You see I have now procured or "procured" a magical monkey's paw called "a monkey's paw" so I can resurrect Xelloss." Dialgachick asked "What about the whole blood of the one who killed Xelloss? "We dropped that plot point Dialgachick, along with the eerie origins of the Tails doll and the fact that we were gonna kill off Beecha in the season finale." Answered evilVic bluntly. With Capcomman saying. "Like the whole Celebi appears inside the GS ball subplot in Pokemon." drag00n asked. "Did they retcon evilVic's personality?" Wongdong commented "Should we be telling everyone stuff like this?" evilVic kept going "Anyway as I was saying we dropped it because it was taking too long or "took too long" and those moronic author Red ring and that British chick Arbiter failed so many times." Wondong in shocked yelled out

"THAT THING IS A GIRL?" And evilVic, well you get the idea. "Anyway once he is revived we can open the gate to the WTF space from Neon Genesis Evangelion or as they call it the "WTF space from Neon Genesis Evangelion." Where Shinji Ikari and the arguably homosexual ghost of Kaworu Nagisa were trapped for over a decade. Anyway WTF space contains a mysterious energy source called plot shield or as they call it "plot shield" which we will use to become invincible and take over the series. Finally I will have vindication! I will have revenge! For years they mocked me! They ridiculed me! As evilVic was making his rant the rest of the leaders left, leaving Dialgachick to ask "Why is HE here anyway?" with Capcomman answering

"Who cares? He is the one who pays for all of this shit! So what do you say we go watch Capcom executives castrate Megaman fanboys?" Dialgachick in disgust muttered "Fucking sadist..."

We now find ourselves in the Celestial being mothership the Ptolemy II Kai's meeting room where our heroes and guest heroes are going over the battle plans to enter the glittering troll crux headquarters. "I can't believe these two morons are here."

Athrun comments while pointing out RROD and Arbiter specifically. Marie defending them says "These two are not that bad you know, you're sounding like Tieria, where is he anyway?" a mysterious boy with brown hair comments. "He is hiding from that pervo Milena." Kira jumps out and asks. "Who the hell is that?" At that time Celestial being's tactical forecaster Sumeragi Lee Noriega enters the room commenting "That's the ghost of Licthy," and whispers "ass..." Behind her Anew Returner pops up cheerily commenting. "Don't worry Miss Sumeragi! You'll get a boyfriend yet! I mean you ARE practically forty by now, And soon your uterus will be barren like a desert, unable to produce children as you become an old withered woman... Anew is cut off by Sumeragi's fist smashing Anew's face in. In which Anew then comments "Did I say something wrong?" And Sumeragi seethingly replies "Shouldn't you be doing something else now?" Anew then realizes and says "Oh yeah! I'm supposed to tell my contact about your invasion plans! I better go!" As Anew runs off and Sumeragi regains her composure, all guests look in shock and fear at the outburst with RROD blurting out a damn. And Athrun asking "Are you sure its wise to let her do that?"

Lockon reassures everyone commenting "Don't worry she really sucks as a spy anyway. She's been trying to sell us out for three years and has pretty much been incapable of doing it." Allelujah adds "Yeah, it'll probably break her heart if she finds out though, and we get some good stuff out of it so we keep it a secret that we know all about it. Besides as you can see Anew is about as subtle as a nuclear explosion." Lichty then comments while smiling "She is the only one blunt enough to flat out tell Sumeragi about her relationship troubles." Sumeragi then commented "Anyway, this is the plan, we go to the island, and deal with the problem." "And?" Asked Athrun to which she responded "That's it." "WHAT? ARE YOU DRUNK SUMERAGI?"

"Meh, it always worked out before." "We are clearly fucked aren't we." Athrun commented with Tails doll adding "Can you feel the sunshine?" As everyone looked at him in silence he blurts out "What? Its a catchphrase?."

A short time later we find RROD and Arbiter looking at Celestial being merchandising, while being watched by Lasse Aeon and Lichty's ghost. "S0 much stff hir!" commented Red as Arbiter said "This is rather interesting sirs I must ask though, what are those things? Arbiter pointed at a table of random stuff. To which Lichty commented "Merchandising! The new stuff to be precise! Take a look, Celestial being breakfast cereal! Celestial being toilet paper! Celestial being children's chewable Prozac! Celestial Being's official flamethrower (fires a blast of flame) We even got a talking Setsuna figure with light up eyes action!" Lichty pulls the back pin on the Setsuna doll whose eyes light up and says "I am Gundam!" Lasse then voices in "It's cute, but not as amazing as me Lasse Aeon! Did you know that I Lasse Aeon once beat up Chuck Norris? It was so brutal they couldn't show it on the news" Licthy then added "That's bullshit and you know it..." Lasse went on "Yeah, I'm that awesome I should have gotten an award from it, the Lasse Aeon sheer manly sexiness award. "Goddamnit Lasse you are so self absorbed" "Don't mind Lichty he is just jealous of my amazing brawn and my pecs which can bounce quarters thirty feet into the air. That's one of the things that make Lasse Aeon so great!"

At that time Athrun stumbles into a little brown haired girl carrying a bottle. Athrun commented "Hey what's going on? And who are you?" The girl replied "Oh I'm Milena Vashti! Have you seen Mr. Erde around here? Athrun looking quizzically causing Milena to collaborate. "Tieria Erde you know, the Gundam Meister?" "Oh Tieria!" "By the way, You're Athrun Zala right? "Yes, but how do you know?" "Oh that's Veda's doing, we have info on everyone in the world, kinda like Google or Facebook only less evil. Anyway could you go find him and get him into an enclosed space?" "Uh, that's a weird request. By the way is that bottle, a bottle of ether?" Don't be silly Mr. Zala!" Milena commented with an obvious look of worry as Athrun looked on with growing suspicion seeing a box fall from her skirt. ""It's that a box of condoms?" Athrun asked while Milena worriedly stuttered an excuse. "Its not mine! I'm holding it from a friend." Milena worriedly picks up the box as a gun, a ski mask, rope and several prescription sleep inducing drugs fall out of her skirt. Athrun angrily commented. "That's a rape kit! Are you planning on raping Tieria?" Milena then just freaked out and ran away, leaving everything behind.

Eventually the group neared the island hideout of the crux, where Sumeragi laid out the plan once more. "Okay, we will drop in Kira, Athrun, Shinn, Tails doll, RROD, and Arbiter in the nearby forest then half an hour later we will orchestrate a two pronged attack, the Meisters will come in from the north and Ptolemy will come in from the south where using our GN particles we will create a disruption in their communications. While we are doing that you guys will sneak in thru the eastern perimeter and infiltrate the hideout where you will retrieve the monkey paw. After that you will escape and send out a flare which will be the signal to destroy the base where we will all rendezvous at the edge of the island. Any questions?" Tails doll amazed yelled out "Holy crap! That's a pretty good plan! And why do you smell like a brewery?" Sumeragi then commented tipsily "I may have had a few drinks beforehand..." "How many" Tails doll asked to which Sumeragi responded "Twelve, I guess... maybe fifteen." As the group looked on in surprise Feldt comments "Sumeragi is a genius tactician, sadly its only when she is drunk." Sumeragi concluded with a "Mission start!" before puking on the floor.

After leaving our heroes in their designated area the Ptolemaios went to the base ready to fight with Sumeragi yelling "You assholes want a war? We'll give you a war!" When suddenly a large beam cannon half a mile high and wide popped up from the bases left side firing a beam that was so large and fast Sumeragi could barely utter a curse when Celestial Being got shot down Gundams and all. Our heroes watching the mess looked in shock as Shinn asked "We are all going to die aren't we?"

We now find ourselves at the doors of the Glittering troll base, bracing for a fight our heroes look to find a single guard bored out of his mind wearing a skintight leather leotard and a golden mask he is watching Kamille Bidan's crazy talk on his small dingy TV. "How sad, watching that drivel..." commented Athrun while Kira said "I kinda like that show, he is obviously insane, even for a political commentator." Shinn commented "So, do we kill that guy?" with Arbiter responding "No we are with their group, we can always claim that you guys are pledges or something." As the group reaches the guard booth RROD begins explaining the situation along with Arbiter. "Holla s1r! Tiz r noob recruitz 4 d rganicat1on. Plz let uz thru." said RROD to the guard who then asked "Who are you guys?" Arbiter answered "Oh yes this is author #337654321. Red ring of death. And I am The Arbiter, from the Halo videogame series, we request passage into the Glittering troll crux base and visitor passes for this fine gentlemen over there." "Why doesn't he have a mask?" asked the guard to which Arbiter answered. "Well we were ordered by the commanders to go incognito so we left our masks at the base. These are our ID cards, I believe they will suffice." The guard took the cards and ran them through the database, a few minutes later the guard came with a large ride armor locking on onto the group and saying. "I'm sorry but it seems you guys were fired recently, and that those are the protagonists of this story, so now you must die" "Wut R U tlkin 'bout dood?" desperately commented RROD to which the guard fired a shot with his rail cannon straight at RROD's head, killing him with ease and leaving a gaping bloody hole where his brain once was. As he prepared to attack Arbiter who was stunned by the death of his friend, Tails doll surprises the guard from behind, eating his soul and yelling "Can you feel the sunshine motherfucker?" Causing his body to drop dead. As the group rushed around RROD they were shocked and worried, since this was the first time an actually important character to the plot is killed off. Shinn commented first "Wow I can't believe he died. I mean, sure he was evil, but he was Team rocket evil and stuff. I never thought that he would die permanently like this... Kira went to Arbiter consoling him saying. "I feel for your loss Arbiter." To which Arbiter says with a tear in his eye "Thanks dude, that means a lot." As the song "When can I see you" by Babyface, plays out along with a montage of clips from RROD's previous adventures, which shall not be shown here. Athrun then commented "Arbiter, you should stay with the body until we get back. And guys, its time for some payback!"

Alias comments: If you want to see more of Red rings adventures go read our previous episodes starting from episode 4 onward. I'm too lazy to bring up the flashbacks.

Kyubei comments: So? Just copy and paste like you did with the first 13 something chapters that were once on script based writing...

Alias comments: (sigh) Fine, roll the tape, GLaDOS, music please...

Song: When can I see you, by Babyface...

RROD: (overjoyed) Yes! Yes! I r victorious! Now no noobz shall m0ck me anymore! I will make the world rspct me! Shinn: (annoyed) Worst... Super-villain... ever... Tails doll: How the hell did this happen anyway? ROD: (very angry) L do it mys3lf! L get achievement f1rst. (grabs the laser's controls) Arbiter: Let go sir! Back in the San Francisco warehouse RROD and the Arbiter discover Xelloss ashes and scoop them up into a jar with a broom. RROD: Yez! Wit this I will PWN those n00bs! Arbiter sighs quietly while scooping up ashes. At that time our resident evil retards the Red ring of death and the Arbiter are busily looking at their newly discovered price a round blue stone. "LOLZ! Wit th1s gEm wii will b victoriouz nd get that bl00d to" "Actually that red ringed freak is right, it IS magic." "t0ld u!" commented RROD and continued with. "wai, Who R U?" And gets dismembered by flying icicles "Im alrite" He commented in obvious pain before passing out. "I kant blieve I tri3d 2 get teh stars frm th3m! I mst hve bin insAne!" While RROD and Arbiter leave disappointed Arbiter saying. "Well this is a disappointing finale to this current incident. I say lets go back, I could use a spot of tea." Meanwhile in said bridge RROD and Arbiter are fighting over the monkey paw. "No wai! UR not gttin wish bef4 me doodz" Claimed RROD, while Arbiter swiped the paw using his superior speed and size. "I wish that you would speak like a normal person." The paw remains completely inactive causing Arbiter to comment. "This is a forgery! A fraud!" "How could you do this Arbiter? You ruined me!" RROD rolled over and started to speak "Some girl... did this... she... had... pink hair... and was psycho... "That's Lacus she, wait a minute, why isn't Red ring talking like a mingebag?" Commented Athrun "And where is the damn paw?" With Allelujah responding as he points out to RROD and Arbiter. "Someone has to make sure those two morons don't steal the car. Or get killed as well." "Dammit, you got a point... "H00rey I speek n0rmAL agin!" And Arbiter comments "Yes and I am not mentally handicapped anymore! Now to proceed with my vengeance on sir." Arbiter cracks his knuckles and creeps closer to RROD who starts running away with Arbiter giving chase. "Holla s1r! Tiz r noob recruitz 4 d rganicat1on. Plz let uz thru." said RROD to the guard Wut R U tlkin 'bout dood?" desperately commented RROD to which the guard fired a shot with his rail cannon straight at RROD's head, killing him with ease and leaving a gaping bloody hole where his brain once was. As he prepared to attack Arbiter who was stunned by the death of his friend, Tails doll surprises the guard from behind, eating his soul and yelling "Can you feel the sunshine motherfucker?" Causing his body to drop dead. As the group rushed around RROD they were shocked and worried, since this was the first time an actually important character to the plot is killed off.

R.I.P: Red ring of death January 2 1974-August 25 2010. _"He now belongs to the ages."_

Back to our story we find our heroes in their battle forms, Kira and Tails doll using the fusion dance technique of the Metamoreans become Chuck Norris. Athrun using a ancient magical gibberish spell turns into Mecha Athrun Zala, the giant godzilla like mecha. And Shinn uses his pact with Firo the fire god of the fire, to summon his mobile armor the Gadelaza., and with Athrun yelling out the attack signal our heroes spring into action shocking all of the members of the crew whom are basically doing their own thing unaware of the imminent ass kicking. Shinn starts off with a massive barrage of GN missiles destroying all in its path, while Chuck Norris goes on the offensive followed by Mecha Athrun Zala stomping on all who cross his path even grabbing one and eating him. Entering the bathrooms Chuck Norris grabs a grunt taking a dump uses him to beat the other three inside into submission and dunked him into the shit ridden toilet which he was using, flushing it to top it off. Athrun goes into one of the lounge areas stealing several vending machines full of merchandise putting them inside a convenient hammerspace pocket. And Shinn torchs all with his Gadelaza's modified giant flamethrower arms, while laughing maniacally yelling fire constantly. Noticing several fleeing minions he prepares his GN Mega launcher annihilating them and the entire hallway leaving bloody remains everywhere and several charred plants.

Meanwhile in the main meeting room we find the crux's leaders in a panic, Dialgachick angrily yells out "What the hell is going on? EvilVic! This was all your idea so do something!" As the rest of the leaders nod in agreement EvilVic prepares to speak

"I have a plan! A damn good plan! First I kill all of you which is... killing you all. Then, I frame those heroes for the deed, that way I can take over the world unopposed by you losers, or you losers. Once they come here I will use this monkey's paw to open the portal to WTFspace and summon Xelloss whom will serve me as my prison bitch, or my prison bitch, and he will kill the heroes making me a hero, which is a hero." drag00n commented "Wait, kill us?" Suddenly drag00n is shot in the head and killed with a pistol by EvilVic who also summons an AK-47 and murders the rest of them. "Now to activate the paw, or the paw."

An hour of carnage and death later our heroes reach the meeting room, where they notice all the corpses of the crux's leadership. "What's going on?" Asked Shinn as Chuck Norris says "I sense the paw and it is wielded by EvilVic666 who killed all the members of the crux." Athrun surprised commented. "EvilVic? The fat bastard Shinn beat up back in college? And how do you know all that?" Shinn answered with "Its a well know fact that Chuck Norris has knowledge of the secrets of the universe." "And its been an hour, why hasn't the fusion wore off?" "Well Athrun, Its a well known fact that Chuck Norris can circumvent all the plot related weaknesses of Dragon Ball Z techniques. Its also documented fact that Chuck Norris fought Skinny Buu, Super Buu, and kid Buu at the same time and won while having his arms tied behind his back." "That's fucking retarded Shinn! Lets just go..."

Our heroes entered the inner sanctum of the Glittering troll crux hideout, where they find EvilVic in an ornate throne laced with skulls and pikes with bodies in them, above them the monkey paw inside a large orb strapped to several high tech machinery. Looking at our heroes he boasts."Fools! You have fallen into my genius trap. Now, Monkey paw I command you! Revive Xelloss and open the portal to WTFspace! Make me king!" Suddenly silence, complete silence. "Hello? Paw? Did I set this up right? Computer status!" "Well it appears the paw cannot grant your wish..." The computer said to an angered Vic. "Why not?" Vic shot back and the computer elaborated. "Well, it appears he was already revived by someone else, sorry sir." Afraid Vic called out his minions. "Pledgemaster! Minions!" "I'm sorry, it also appears that all of your still living minions fled the base and cannot be communicated with, and Pledgemaster gory is gone as well. Apparently he was eaten by that big red dinosaur along the way." "Well this fell apart rather quickly if I do say so myself" uttered Vic in fear to which Chuck Norris answered "No shit, Sherlock." And punched him in the gut to which Athrun and Shinn soon joined in.

After the beatdown our heroes back in their normal forms look at the monkey paw and with triumphant music wish it forever gone. As the paw vanished in a shining light our heroes show relief at the resolution of this situation. "You know guys if we are gonna be doing this all the time we might as well get a better team name" Kira commented Athrun continued with "Indeed, it seems trouble will always follow us or something." Shinn went on with "How about ZAFT of the radiance?" Aliasoddity appeared from out of nowhere saying "Maybe we should rename the show that for its second season. After all it is getting annoying to just say The Kira, Athrun and Shinn show." Tails doll chimed in with "So I guess we are now officially heroes huh?" and GLaDOS concluded with "Indeed, well you guys saved the world and everything so now what?" Kyubei then asked "Yeah, but how will we all get out of here?" Suddenly the familiar ring tone of "Do a barrel roll!" chimes in. As Kira picks it up the group hears the voices of the Ptolemy crew. Setsuna called in first "Are you guys all right?" to which Kira answered "We should be asking YOU that question!" Sumeragi, miraculously sober again then commented "Go back outside and we'll pick you up, after that we'll blow up this place and take you back home, good job ZAFT of the radiance!" As the phone hangs up Alias explains about Arbiter "It seems Arbiter left the series along with the remains of Red ring so everything is more or less resolved in the end."

Shinn asked then "Who was RROD anyway? GLaDOS explained with "Apparently he and the rest of the crux are failed internet writers, in a sense the antithesis of the high council of fan-fiction authors. It seems Red ring was one of those failed writers, mainly due to all the leet speak he does in his work, he quickly got site banned by the admins and left in shame. Same with the rest of them, so they spend their days bitching about it but they are generally harmless. After all its not like you guys murdered a whole bunch of them right?" GLaDOS then chuckles as our heroes look at each other awkwardly and finished with "Lets go home everyone."

The scene fades out as the song "Sunadokei" from Megumi Hayashibara begins to play in the background.

The crux hideout is blown up by the TRANS-AM powered barrage of the Ptolemy leaving no trace and minions of the crux in shock and anger with one saying "I can't believe it! Now what?"

Cagali is back at Beverly Hills in the drunken piss bar, depressed with a glass of Brandy clutched in her right arm muttering "Why, Lacus?" while Hardman looks on worriedly next to her.

Arbiter is in a graveyard in an undisclosed location paying respects to her old comrade RROD "Well looks like this is it sir, we had some fun times after all. Too bad all I could afford for a grave was an irrigation ditch..." Then a blue haired man in a white mask appeared behind her commenting "I see you lost your partner, how sad." "You are..." Arbiter looked at her guest in shock who told her "I am Arcanus, and I need your help."

Metsu is looking at her latest victims a group of necromancer elves, and going thru their belongings. "Hmm, a Necronomicon... With this I can bring him back... Rey..."

In the Ptolemy we find its crew hearing out Tieria attentively. "It seems our next mission is at hand. It is a spin off called "We are Celestial Being" and we are to begin filming soon." Lockon commented with a thumbs up claiming "All right!

Let's show them how Celestial Being rolls!" As the rest of the crew cheer in agreement. Anew meanwhile is in the back writing copiously in a notepad muttering. "A spin-off huh? This could be useful..."

In the Beverly Hills Police Department we find the Blue Centurion showing Mappy his new orders. After reading them he says. "So we are being transferred to Riot force 6 huh? I wonder who this general Q.B. Eei is anyway? And why can't I refuse the order even if it looks so seedy and fake, and apparently has Salsa stains on it."

We find Char breaking in his new hideout in Axis along with two new recruits he starts with "Okay, Quess Paraya! Gyuunei Guss! Little Char! We are now Neo Zeon, an evil organization dedicated to conquering the world. Now our first order of business is..."

Nearing their house in Beverly Hills, Sting and Auel finally return from their time trapped in the G.I. Joe base walking wearily back home. "Well that was a horrendous mess we got ourselves into!" Commented Auel with sting saying "And then we find Stellar got back before us." "At least Lalah was taking care of her while we were gone so at least our house didn't burn..."Auel stops as the duo sees their house burnt to the ground, along with the wreckage of several DINN's.

Stellar and Lalah are meanwhile in Lalah's store in a couch eating pudding. "This is good isn't it Stellar?" "Yes, Lalah onee-san! Very tasty!" The camera goes outside to find Yzak and Dearka with bags full of pot and Dearka then comments "I wonder if we will get more airtime next season?"

In a deserted building a blue portal appears revealing a little pink haired girl called Madoka Kaname. "Thank goodness, I'm finally back. I have to find Kyubei, before Sayaka does! At the time Kyubei secretly watches the whole scene in a screen in the Aperture science center. "So they have come, I gotta take some precautions. Guess I can use the General Q.B. Eei disguise now.

In Riot force 6 headquarters in Chesapeake, Virginia. We find Yagami Hayate exiting a door into the buildings roof where she comments to Nanoha Takamachi. "Nanoha, we have a batch of new recruits coming soon, be sure to give them a warm welcome OK?" Yagami then leaves, and Nanoha stands there and begins to laugh insanely as the camera zooms in at her face.

Graham Aker and Master Asia are at an airport returning from their vacation in Acapulco "Bwahahahaha! See boy that was just what the doctor ordered!" "Yes I know Master Asia! But who would have thought that we could stay there for months without paying." "Never underestimate the sheer power of hot blooded courage youngster!"

In pitch darkness light begins to show and we find ourselves in an operating room, where an old long white haired Japanese man eating squid and beer walks to the person in the bed. "So you are awake huh Mr. Cheney? I am Professor Shinigami from Blackwater. I must say those people from Celestial Being did quite a number to you. It took quite a while to put you back together.

We find Ribbons Almark still alive ranting "Foolish humans! Soon I will rule over them all as the one true superior being! And I will get my revenge on Setsuna F. Seiei!" Suddenly he is interrupted by Jerid Meesa and we discover that he is doing dishes. Jerid then says "Will you shut up Ribbons? We're all stuck here under that bitch Lacus! So get to scrubbing!" "I don't understand why we can't just get those stupid haro's of her to do the job, or Asuka."

Near a Virginia forest's edge we find the Chupacabra stretching himself in the morning sun with his red eyes and skinny green appearance he takes a deep breath, along with the two gray's who escaped area 51.

In Dr. Weird's lab we find Geno watching one of Dr. Weird's presentations fall apart as a giant cobra is eating him. "Wooden Steve help me!" Yelled out Dr. Weird as Geno sip some lemonade and chuckled.

And finally at our heroes house we find them watching the news of the aftermath and discussing among themselves "Well that was interesting guys." commented Tails doll "Still, there are so many unanswered questions like who am I? Where did I come from? And will the authors give me some character development?" Kira then says "No worries Tails doll You'll get your day yet. Unknowingly to them they are spied on by people with long white hair, leather coats and long swords. One says to the other two "Soon they will know the wrath of the Jenova's witnesses!"

The song ends and the screen turns to black then we find ourselves in a rooftop under a night sky where a group of four little girls obscured by shadows are scheming. Led by one in blue who mutters. "So this is where he ran off to huh? The one in red then says "Yeah, Kyubei is hiding somewhere around this world." The one in yellow comments "Well soon this world will know our power..." The blue one finishes with "Yes, The power of the Puella Magi!" Meanwhile the one in black hangs around at a distance thinking to herself "Don't worry Madoka, I'll find a way to bring you back, You'll see..."

**To be continued in season 2...**


	20. Special 3: CLAMPcataz the finale

**ZAFT of the radiance **

**Special 3: CLAMPcataz the finale**

**Written by GLaDOS**

GLaDOS notes: Greetings I have been asked to announce that this will be the last non-sequitir intro in the ZAFT of the radiance universe. If you've read We are Celestial Being mission 1, some of the story design will be changed drastically among them the loss of the intros. The addition of a time line between the chapters to coordinate the main story and related spin offs together for ease of organization and eventual crossovers and cameos. And a generalization of the time line from 2010 to a general 20XX

to allow time line flexibility. For better examples of its use please read We are Celestial Being mission 1. Basically all of the stories in the ZAFT of the radiance universe follow a single time line whose purpose shall be revealed in upcoming chapters, missions or reports. It worked for Marvel since the 1960's so screw it. Now enough of this shameless promo, let us begin this ZAFT of the radiance computer enriched special issue.

**Chapter 16...**

We find ourselves in a suburban neighborhood some distance away from our heroes mansion, where we find Lelouch Lamperouge and his friend Suzaku Kururugi finishing up their work on their house. Lelouch wiping the sweat from his brow says "Well this wasn't so bad." Sukazu countering with "Yeah, fixing up this old house was pretty easy. It'll be a good place to hide out considering that were wanted fugitives in Britain." Looking at a window Lelouch continues until. "Well, hey, wait a minute, that dude just flipped me off!" "What in the hell are you talking about Lelouch?" "Over there Suzaku! That purple haired ass flipped me off! "You're overreacting again Lelouch, and that looks more like a shade of lavender to me." "That's not the point! I'm gonna moon the crap out of them!"

Meanwhile in the neighboring house we find said flipper Revive Revival and fellow innovade Healing Care whooping it up with Healing commenting "Did they see it?" Revive answered with "Oh they did see it, the question is what will they do about it?"

As they look on they discover that Lelouch is mooning them, with Healing yelling out. "That prick! He's mooning us!" "Oh so he wants a fight does he? That putz will rue the day he met us Innovators."

**Chapter 17...**

We find ourselves once again at the Lamperouge house as the innovades Revive and Healing tag their house with offensive language and run away laughing. As Lelouch and Suzaku watch and read on Lelouch is not amused. "We eat our own farts?

We are gay pirates? We enjoyed Sonic 2006? This is outrageous Sukazu!" Yelled Lelouch at the top of his lungs. Suzaku tried to calm him down with "Maybe we should cut our losses and walk away." and laughs sheepishly, causing Lelouch to retort.

"NO! The time for maturity, IS OVER!" "So what should we do Lelouch?" "Leave it to me Suzaku, Leave it to me." Lelouch answered as he began to laugh insanely and evilly.

Now we see Lelouch and Suzaku with gas masks holding a large pressurized hose connected to a tank full of diarrhea. Suzaku exclaimed "Where did... No wait, I don't want to know where you got all this shit." "Well Suzaku, time for operation

"This shit is on now." Lelouch Vi Brittania commands you to let the shit fly!" At Lelouch's decree the device activates launching a rain of shit into the innovades house so powerful that it breaks their windows and sends the duo flying into the air, over their house and into a tree in the backyard. "How do you like that motherfuckers!" Yelled Lelouch as the duo get stuck on the branches of the tree.

**Finale 1...**

We find ourselves at the Innovator house where Revive Revival and Healing Care plot semi-evilly. Revive and Healing are preparing fireworks, carefully aiming them at the open window of Lelouch's room. Healing then comments "Okay Revive!

The first one who hits his butt gets a million points." "Works for me Healing! Now witness my mad skills!" Revive lights a rocket and skillfully aims it landing up the victims asshole. Whom after a scream of pain we find it to be Suzaku, not Lelouch. In some surprise and embarrassed Revive chuckles while Healing says "Not bad, guess you get the million points now its my turn!" Healing then props out a large Howitzer loaded with bottle rockets sixty in total and shoots them at the room where Suzaku is writhing in pain and agony in the ground. The rockets promptly enter the room, destroying the room. Lelouch and Nunnaly rush in to find the destruction as the Innovator duo laughs it up.

Later on in a private conversation with Lelouch an extremely angry Suzaku raves. "Those pricks! They did it!" Lelouch counters with "Aren't you taking it to far Sukazu?" "I can easily kick your ass you know. Anyway you tell me that when you have a firecracker shoved up your ass while doing exercise! Time for payback!" Suzaku calls a pizza company and covering his nose says. "Hello guv'nor I'd like to order fifty, no, A HUNDRED million pizzas!"

**And now...**

A door is knocked in the innovades house as a bored looking pizza delivery boy is greeted by Revive. The boy commented "Here are your hundred million pizzas sir!" Revive commented "Huh, we didn't" Suddenly he was interrupted by Healing who softly told Revive "Just follow my lead OK?" She talked to be pizza guy telling him "Oh yes, do you take credit cards by the way?"

At that time in the neighboring house Suzaku chuckles evilly commenting "They are so stuck with that bill!" When Lelouch asked "So are all those meat cravers?" "Four million of them are, I had some with olives delivered as well I hear they like those,

I'm not Satan you know." "I'm getting kinda hungry you know Suzaku." "Me too Lelouch..."

And so a minute later the duo reaches the Innovade's house, now loaded to the brim with pizza ,with Sukazu yelling out heartily "DUDES! HOW YA BEEN?" "What are you doing here?" Asked Revive in surprise, to which Suzaku commented. Well we saw all the pizza outside and we were wandering if we could share it, after all we are neighbors, and the pizza will get cold and stale if its left out, so maybe we could have a little slice?" Healing then responded with a "Why not? After all we couldn't have them without you guys."

Later that night, Lelouch and Suzaku return from their pizza run, stuffed and content. "Wow Suzaku who would have thought they would let us share all that pizza?" "Yeah, now I feel bad for them, wonder what they meant with "We couldn't have got them without you guys?" Don't worry about it its not like they stole our credit cards or something." At that time Nunally Lelouch's wheelchair bound little sister rolled down the hall with a paper in her hand and visibly upset asked "Big brother, Suzaku, where were you guys? I just got a bill saying all three of our credit cards are maxed out!" Both Lelouch and Suzaku looked and listened in shock as Nunally continued "Apparently you got Domino's pizza to sell one hundred million pizzas, why did you do it? And couldn't you have invited me next time? I mean its not fair you two! Big brother, Sukazu, are you two all right?" Lelouch then said "Yes, Nunally" And Suzaku said "Please excuse us for a moment."

In another part of the house we find both Lelouch and Suzaku fuming in rage "I can't believe it Suzaku! They stole our cards and used them to buy pizza! And it was all your fault!" "My fault? You started this mess with your mooning! So don't blame me!" "Look, we need to take action, this insult towards us cannot go unabated! I Lelouch Vi Brittania shall have vengeance!" "And I Suzaku Kururugi will also have vengeance." After some manly yelling and bro fisting Lelouch says "I have a plan."

The next day a young looking green haired woman knock on the Lamperouges home which is answered by Nunally "C.C.! How are you! I haven't seen you since we got forced out of England!" "Hi Nunally, its been too long, anyway where are the two idiots anyway? Apparently they need my help on something. They said someone committed a crime against pizza or something." "What do you mean?" Suddenly Lelouch and Suzaku came, both smiling and grabbing away C.C. The infamous Geass witch. Later on inside the area which is now known as the evil plotting room where C.C. Asked in a deflated voice tone "So why did you call me for this time?" Lelouch then told her "Well, we need your help, since you are a witch you would have magic powers, right?" "Damnit Lelouch not this shit again! Just because I'm a witch it doesn't mean I can hex people, summon demons, or rhyme properly! That is just a negative stereotype and..." Suzaku then interjected with "Damnit C.C., we all saw your apartment! You have fifteen black cats, mushrooms growing out the window, and a giant black cauldron in the middle of the living room! For craps sake we carpooled last week on a giant broom!" "Fine you asswipes! I'll go back to my apartment and see what I can come up with." C.C. Later on leaves the house, taking off in her broom where a smile formed in her face and yelled out "SOCIAL ACTIVITY!"

Later on in the Innovades house Revive comments to Healing "Well we haven't heard squat from those two guys in about a day, I guess we win this war!" Suddenly an explosion of blood bursts out from the walls, and roof, flooding the house entirely. Destroying the doors and windows and flushing the duo outside. Revive considerably livid yelled out "That's it Healing! We ain't screwing around anymore! Release the Kraken! Err the 80 meter GN laser!

Meanwhile at the Lamperouge house "Wow C, that was totally bad ass!" Yelled out Suzaku in amazement to a smug C.C. And a pleased Lelouch, when they see a large cannon sprouts out from under the Innovades house. "This is not good guys" C.C. Yelps out as Lelouch forcefully commands "Release the F.L.E.I.J.A!" Suzaku runs to the bookshelf of the room and hits the big red button in the middle, which splits the house in half revealing a black colored 80 meter long FLEIJA gun.

Meanwhile in another street we find Nunally along with Tierias evil twin Regene Regetta talking over coffee and donuts. "Really that is interesting miss Nunally. So that's what really happened in the whole Damocles incident. Who knew that you three would be chased out as scapegoats for the whole mess?" Its alright Regene, besides that whole empress stuff wasn't for me anyway. Frankly I'm more happy here living a quiet life. If only brother and Sukazu would behave better. Those two are always in trouble." "Same with my roomies actually!" Eventually they notice a looming shadow and the silhouettes of the twin mega weapons of the FLEIJA and the GN laser staring each other down. Regene commented "You don't think our roommates are..." "Let's go! We have to stop them before they blow everything up!"

As the weapons ready for firing we find Revive and Healing in their pilot suits, Lelouch in his Zero costume, and Suzaku in his knight of Zero costume. A sight to which C.C. Comments "Is it really necessary to cosplay you guys?" To which all four other characters respond "Of course!" C.C. Responds annoyed with "(sigh) Well you're all gonna die anyway, so whatever." As the weapons charge all four characters yell out FIRE! At the top of their lungs, which activates their respective superweapons.

Whom proceed to collide at the same time creating a massive explosion that flew up into the sky above, literally punching a hole in time and space.

Meanwhile in the anti spiral homeworld we find the anti spiral leader picking up the remnants of its giant form and tossing them into a shopping cart. "This sucks! I used to rule the universe as king. Spirals everywhere bowed before me! And now? I'm picking up trash like a hobo! How could things get any worse?" Suddenly the giant explosion reaches the planet blowing it up.

In Beryl palace we find Queen of the Negaverse Beryl, taking out her frustrations on Jadeite. "Jadeite you useless prick! When will you destroy that meddlesome Sailor Moon anyway?" "I'm trying Queen Beryl... I can't just raise my hands in the air,

and command a giant death blast to kill Sailor Moon!" "Hey losers! Its me, Sailor Moon! And in the..." Guttural screams of pain resound as a large explosion lands on Sailor Moon killing her and blowing up most of the palace, leaving Jadeite and

Queen Beryl slack jawed in amazement, after some silence Beryl asks Jadeite. "So Jadeite, can you conjure up next week's winning lottery numbers too?"

In the Dragon Ball Z universe we find Goku seeing Earth restored by a wish by the namekian dragonballs from Snake way with King Kai." "Yay! For the twentieth time we fixed the Earth! Now we can all go..." Goku is interrupted as the energy blast destroys the earth once more leading Goku to say "Goddamnit!"

And back in our universe we find the entire area in smoldering wreckage Lelouch, Suzaku, Revive and Healing are fighting each other with fisticuffs with C.C. Watching on while sitting with her knees above her head. When Regene and Nunally return to see the destruction after getting thru the initial shell shock. Angrily they go to the scene to the fight their combined anger radiating a newtype aura. To which the participants notice, and cringe while stuttering excuses.

Several days later we find Lelouch, Suzaku, Revive and Healing painting the walls of the innovades rebuilt house. Exhausted and miserable Lelouch talks to the rest of the group "Now you see! This is what happens when we all give in to anger and revenge!" To which Suzaku interrupts with "Shut the fuck up Lelouch, I'm not in the mood for your self righteous douchebaggery today." With Revive and Healing yelling in agreement.

**Chapter complete...**


	21. Exposition 2: The diary of Setsuna

**ZAFT of the radiance**

**Exposition 2 From the diary of Setsuna F. Seiei**

**Compiled by GLaDOS**

GLaDOS notes: I regret to inform that due to laziness, hurricanes and lazy hurricanes We are Celestial Being is canceled and will be sent back to the ZAFT of the radiance area. So basically Season 2 will be juggling between three major arcs, Isn't that fun?

I am Setsuna F. Seiei, Celestial Being's Gundam Meister. For those who don't know I pilot a Gundam, three in my career actually. The Exia a Gundam designed for close combat, the 00 Gundam an experimental twin drive suit which was upgraded into the 00 Raiser the closest thing to god in a Gundam series, Turn A can kiss my ass by the way. And the 00 Quanta which was sadly lacking in screen time, hopefully in G-Generation whatever the fuck the sequel is called which will likely show Age and the movie Gundams will get more screen time.

Anyway, my tale begins in Krugis one of the many Afghan warlord kingdoms up in the north where Al-Qaeda doesn't have much pull, in this godforsaken shithole desert town there was a man named Ali Al-Saachez, charismatic, ruthless, and an asswipe,

He led the KPSA a terrorist group trying to find its way in a place where there are more terrorist organizations than human beings. I as Soran Ibrahim, a young boy, was taken in by his words...

"Children of Krugis, I am Ali Al-Saachez! How long must we? The people of Krugis suffer under the imperialist western powers of America?" "You're not from Krugis!" "I'm a legitimate Egypt-Krugisian! I even got a fricking passport! "So what?" (bang) "Well now hes dead so can I continue now? (ahem) We must fight for God and country, for justice, and to make me rich! Ugh, ignore the last part, it was a slip of the tongue... yes...Because I am definitely NOT using you as pawns in an evil scheme to gain revenge against that ass Osama Bin Laden! Who fired me because I was "not a team player" Well fuck him! And his damn old Japanese squid monster doctor thing! ...Anyway, join me in my clearly suicidal quest and I will give you all lots of candy,

not the crappy ass Chinese counterfeit stuff, the real deal."

Hindsight being 20/20 joining a terrorist group on the promise of candy wasn't the most intelligent decision... And frankly the local warlord wasn't that bad in reality, and I had loving parents, until I blew their fucking heads up...

"With this I will prove my worth to eat candy... er... God! Yes! That's what I meant! God! Anyway, I got my bullets, my gun, and now I'm ready to blatantly go against religious teachings common to both the Jewish, Christian and Muslim faith for some weirdo I never met before yesterday that killed a guy right in plain sight. Yes, things are going great!" "Why Soran? Why?" (bang, bang, bang, drops dead) "Congratulations children, you have proven yourselves in the eyes of god! You are now holy warriors in his crusade!" "Yay, for murder!"

And so the days began, the days where my beliefs blinded me from the obvious truth. Our original mission was apparently meant against the solar power generation system. Based on a series of three orbital elevators in designated neutral territory controlled by the three major power blocs in the federation. These would be known as the orbital elevators. Before that all space travel were required to be transported via rocket based propulsion, or later on mass drivers, which used electromagnetic energy to propel ships out of the atmosphere with minimal spent energy. Also we would eventually be fighting several enemies, mainly the Afghan armed forces, first led by Al-Qaeda and later on by U.S. And Earth Federation forces.

I was trained in firearms, explosives, and a style of martial arts called Shaq-fu I didn't know until much later what it really meant, at that time I thought it was some foreign shit or something. My comrades all children no older that fourteen or so, were eventually sent on missions to attack our enemies. At first it was just business, but over time I saw the madness grow in my friends. Dying for a madman, until that terrible day...

"This is a holy war in the name of god! We shall cleanse the land of these infidels in the name of our god!" "In this world, there is no god!"

It was the final battle of Krugis, armed E.F.F forces sent to pacify the region shelled mercilessly the town, using their GM forces, our mere weapons stood no chance in hell. And I was about to die, until he came the angelic mobile suit, the 0 Gundam. It destroyed all of the forces with ease as they were taken by total surprise and destroyed. I could only watch in awe and amazement at its power, I saw it as a savior, as something to emulate.

For four years I wandered the middle east. The constant wars and upheaval made it easy for someone like me to slip in and out of places. After all it was just another war orphan or something, I guess they would say.

"Soran Ibrahim?" "Who are you?" "Do you wish to know about the white mobile suit? The one from Krugis?" "What do you mean?" "Follow me and find out."

That man, was from Celestial Being. A paramilitary organization made to eliminate war. About two hundred years ago a man named Aeolia Scheinberg designed the original concept of the orbital elevator system and the basic concept of the Mobile suit that would be fielded later on by the original Zeon forces. And later on the Federation and other groups like Clyne industries, the Crossbone Vanguard, and more. Obviously this was late 18XX so they called him a witch and burned him at the stake for his theories. But he had people who supported him and made preparations for his legacy, apparently one of them E.A. Rey was an engineer with connections to space aliens, they provided the basic framework for Veda after "influencing" the creation of the Internet by the hands of Al Gore. That's where I learned of it, the Gundam that saved me. Based on the Federation's RX-78 from early 20XX as in a total rip-off, it had a new type of engine built into it, the generation of neutrino energy drive,

or as the world would know then the GN drives. It apparently uses solar energy in some absurd, magical way to fly without propulsion, jam unshielded communications, and apparently could not run out of energy. I never could wrap my head around Tieria and Ian's explanations so I just nodded gently and tuned it out mainly humming to myself the soundtrack from Stardust memory.

"This is the designated Meister for the GN-001 Exia Setsuna F. Seiei." "Isn't he a little bit too young?" "Veda confirmed it so its official" "Well if Veda confirmed it I have no objections" "Well I'm looking forward to working with you actually. After all we're comrades in ending war. I'm Lockon Stratos the man who shoot a bulls eye thru the stratosphere, nice to meet ya kid!" "He is way too chummy Tieria." "I'm betting he gets killed off before the second season begins." "Why do we even have this conversation? How can this be real life and an anime at the same time? Its completely illogical!" "I call it the Might Gaine paradox, apparently after a cartoon based universe accumulates enough apathy and cynicism an event horizon of WTF space reveals itself creating an awareness shift in reality." "Do you honestly believe in WTF space Tieria? Next thing you'll say is that you were born in a test tube!" "Don't be ridiculous Allelujah, seriously..."

For two years we trained together, I was supposed to be the front line fighter, using Exia's blades to cut thru opponents. Unlike most modern MS weaponry the blades were solid. A design that was made obsolete long ago due to the Minovsky engine and its capacity to produce energy weaponry. It seems that with GN particles the metal in the Gundanium could be strengthened to parry thru beam weapons and even slice thru I-fields and barriers from Super robot types. They also had a special function,

it was predicted that there could be traitors in Celestial being who could compromise our technology. These blades were made to cut thru the defenses of GN suits and eliminate traitors along with the trial system, Tieria's special system. Over time I developed a fascination with Japanese pop culture which at first was for research, but I soon found myself diving into super robot series.

January 25, 20XX, the day when we revealed ourselves upon the world. I and Lockon were sent to the northern Morocco area where the European elevator was located where the new variable mobile suit system the Enact. By using the design of the Flag as a base the simple design allowed for VMS to be mass produced, it lacked the in-flight change systems of the Zeta Gundam and following designs. I basically kicked its ass and with Lockon beat the shit of the pursuing forces. And that's how it began.

The federation tried all sorts of methods to stop us, the Choobu squad from China, the Overflags from America, the PMC forces stationed in Moralia, the federation's mobile suit anti-terrorism department Londo Bell, among other things. And then it all went south. In a mission in the Taklamakan desert I faced off once more against Ali Al-Saachez, even with Exia I was little match against him, and was saved by the Thrones.

"Hey, Exia's pilot! Are you still alive?"

That's what she said, Nena Trinity, the youngest of the Trinity siblings. That psychotic bitch who took out my friend Louise Halevy's hand and set the world against us with their armed interventions. She and her brothers eventually got what was coming to them eventually, ironically at the hands of my greatest foe at the time Ali Al-Saachez. Michael the middle child was shot dead, a shot clean to the head between the eyes. Then he stole his Gundam the Throne Zwei taking advantage of Veda's compromise and hacking to steal it. He used the Zwei's buster sword and GN fangs to kill Johann, the eldest one and leader. And if it weren't for the TRANS-AM system, I would have been next.

"Tho those who use GN drives: I don't know whether on not you will carry out my will, however I entrust my final hope to you, full utilization of your GN drives. I hope that you will use them and fight your hardest for the sake of ending war and bringing about a new peace. Not for the sake of Celestial Being, but for the sake of your own wills, as those who have Gundams."

Aeolia's last will and testament, as he was shot dead by the traitor, Alejandro Corner...

Operation fallen angels, a final attempt to defeat us, utilizing the suits called the GN-X. Suits designed to use GN Tau drives, false drives with a limited operation time similar to the Thrones. We were badly beaten at the end, even thought we survived,

even though we defeated Alejandro, we took heavy losses. Lockon, Licthy, Christina, Dr. Moreno, they were all dead Allelujah was captured and I barely escaped my battle with Alejandro and later Graham Aker.

We managed to be recovered by another CB ship and I was saved by the Re Home a tender ship by a group called the Junk Guild. I was there for about a year as Exia was repaired. But the repairs weren't too successful since the parts we used were completely custom and very few devices shared compatibility. At best the GN sword was cracked and broken, the left arm was lost, and much of the armor was hastily replaced by using GM parts scavenged from here and there. They also put a Zaku moneye into the missing camera port. At that time the A-laws became a government security group, living a tumultuous at best relationship with Londo Bell and the regular army and reviving fears of the Titans a similar organization of old.

"It hasn't changed. Since that time, not one damn thing! This isn't what I wanted! Lockon... and myself as well! For a world like this?"

I thought to myself at the space colony Proud where I went to investigate the A-Laws. There I found my old neighbor from the year before, Saji Crossroad whom I had met in Japan when I first started my armed interventions. At first I saw him and his girlfriend Louise as annoying little bitches. But I grew fond of them, even if Saji was being emo about his life going to the crapper. I'm not sure how Saji wound up there in the first place he doesn't talk about it and seems to have an aversion to Tic-tats

and open fire, I don't think I want to know honestly. I fought the Titans but their suits, now powered by GN technology easily defeated Exia which was already badly wounded. It would have been the end without Tieria's help who along with most of the Ptolemy crew except Sumeragi who was missing, apparently getting drunk off her ass and stumbling off one night. Eventually they introduced me to my new Gundam, the 00 Gundam, designed around the Twin drive technology utilizing two GN drives to power it it was meant to be our trump card against the Titans and to locate whoever took Veda and kick his/her/its ass.

All other GN drive combinations were failures and only Exia's and 0's were capable of stabilizing enough, but even then the TRANS-AM was too dangerous to use. 00 was shaken down as we brought the new Lockon Stratos and Sumeragi whom we had to drag out of that Billy Katagiri's house, while avoiding the knife he had, sociopath... Attacked by Titan forces I went ahead with my rocket pack while Lockon distracted them. At first it didn't work and I tried TRANS-AM to boost the power but it failed as well. Then I did the most Super robot thing I could think of.

"Wake up for me, 00. Here we have 0 Gundam, Exia and me! Kyouji no Robot Tanjou! HIKARI NI NARE!" "Holy shit! 00 has activated! It's reached over 80% synchronicity!" "Wow, the power of hot blooded courage! Huh, Ms. Grace?"

"I'd say Setsuna is more of the stoic courage type in my opinion Milena." "This is ridiculous... (sob)" "There, there, papa." "DO A BARREL ROLL!"

And so I piloted 00 from the rescue of Allelujah, to my re encounter with Ali in Azadistan, to our attempt to escape in space. Although 00 was powerful, it was lacking since its TRANS-AM system was too dangerous to use, that is why 0-Raiser was made. A support craft to stabilize the twin drive system. It was yet another assault on the Ptolemy when it happened, the debut of the 00 Raiser. We were outmatched, not just in numbers but in the fact that the Innovators mobile suits were too strong.

The Gadessa, a long range bombardment suit and the Garazzo a heavy offense mobile suit were becoming more than a match for us.

I should explain more about the Innovator faction. Ribbons Almark who once helped Alejandro Corner, took over Veda utilizing its resources to create his own army which he allied with the Titans. And used Veda's influence to reinstate the Titans after their defeat in the Gryps conflict twenty years ago under the A-Laws banner. Our "sworn rivals" the idiotic Titan mercenaries are actually remnants of the group who escaped Londo Bell's prosecution. As for the Innovators they are artificial humans adapted for space, an artificial newtype souped up to eleven in a sense. Using nano machines to stop aging and using a new technology Quantum brain waves they could communicate with each other and interface with machinery, they also had physical ability akin to a coordinator and in a sense the program was based on something called "the ultimate coordinator project" Tieria would know more about this stuff though so you should ask him.

Anyway, Saji our "prisoner/guest/draftee after the whole Katharon middle eastern based being destroyed thing. Was talked into/coerced/guilt tripped into piloting the 0-Raiser. Gundam only knows why, all he did was scream along the way like a little girl to the point when red Haro had to drown out his noise with Metallica. Long story short, we came, we docked, we conquered. But something unexpected at best happened then, when we entered TRANS-AM we achieved a Quantum effect in which we could hear all the surrounding voices, including Louise Halevy's who got involved with the Titans for revenge. Saji like always, pussies out and tries to bail to chase her. Then the little ass takes it out on me, who would have thought the girl could hit so hard?

After the Memento Mori incident I was left alone for a while on Earth, I landed near Krugis where I found Ali and him, Ribbons Almark. Frankly Ribbons is a pompous, smug creep and somehow the theme song of Magus from Chrono Trigger ALWAYS played out while he was around, true story actually according to Ali.

"That's right, this is your first time meeting me. But that's not the case for me. I met you several years ago... yes... right here in this quagmire of a battlefield, where you foolish humans fought each other. Within it one boy desperately running for his life.

I saw you. From the cockpit of a mobile suit"

I was shocked to say the least, and then...

"Give me the 00 and we can rule the galaxy as father and son." "We're not related Ribbons." "Join me boy, it is your destiny." "You're kidding right?" "If you only knew the power of the dark side!" Where you hit in the head as a baby?" "Don't make me destroy you!" "This is dumb, I'm just gonna kill you... (gunfire) What the hell Al-Saachez?" "My finger slipped, sorry." "You WILL suffer for that you know..." "HA! i doubt it" "Just get in the damn Gundam already..."

A few minutes later Ali was smashing my injured arm with his buster sword and I was hearing a song.

"How's your shoulder you little Krugis punk?" "Shit, shit,shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!" "Now I'll take that plane hostage!" "You already have me on the ropes! Why are you doing this?" "Because I'm fucking evil!" "That's it! I had enough! TRANS-AM powered Rider kick! (Original Kamen rider theme song plays)" "Rider what? (boom) You asshole! Eat hot fang goodness! (boom) You shot them down all at once? I call Hax! And I'll kill you as well!" "Rider slash!" "What the fuck is this rider crap? And what's with the Japanese singing?"

Then Princess Marina Ishmail's song was heard all around causing me to stop and letting him escape. For a short time I was hiding with Katharon as I recovered when I heard of the armed forces coup d'etat I went there hoping to find my comrades when I stumbled into the gringo Graham Aker.

My relationship with Marina? Its strange at best, she kinda reminds me of my mother, before she died in terror at least, she's really nice, even if she is naïve as hell. Graham on the other hand is... odd... Its kinda like the Kakashi/Guy rivalry from Naruto.

I'm Kakashi and he is Guy in a sense, even though we get along better now, he still tries to outdo me every chance he gets, he obviously never managed to beat me but he still tries. And of course there's TRANS-Graham. I cringed like hell when I first heard that line.

"Oh hell no! You gotta be kidding! TRANS-Graham? Of all the retarded names you could pick! I mean seriously, you are a freaking Samurai!" "How do you know that?" "That doesn't matter gringo! Why couldn't you name it, Duel drive? Or Chou tai?

"What's Chou tai?" "Its super form in Japanese you half baked otaku! Seriously! My arch nemesis are a creepy old warmonger, a pompous, bishonen, Chrono Trigger reject, and a half baked nerd who probably got his moves from watching Ruroni Kenshin!" "You're just jealous of my awesome Masurao! And I learned my moves from Ranma and Bleach by the way." "Let's just go already..." "Bankai!" "I swear to Gundam!"

Eventually we discovered from Wang Liu Mei the location of Veda it was in a giant colony ship called Celestial Being and although I managed to get the coordinates Wang died killed by Nena, and Nena got killed off by Louise. But nobody likes Nena so screw her. I also got tracked down by the gringo again and forced into a battle. He threathened to destroy Saji and the 00 if he didn't get his fight and it kinda went like this.

"No, dear Gundam no! Not YOU again!" "Setsuna! You know this nerd?" "Yes, he is a creepy stalker and a half baked otaku Saji." "You're just jealous I have the entire season 1 One piece collection, dubbed and everything! I am the GOD of otakus."

Hey, Mr. nerd you do know that otaku is actually a derogatory Japanese term for people who enjoy anime and magna?" "What do you know little boy?" "I'm Japanese you baka! If anyone knows about otaku its me." "Shut up you two children, and listen to my bad ass gar speech!" "Look gringo I'm kinda busy so maybe I could..." "You polluted my skies and stole away my brethren and my honored teacher! The ones who crushed my pride as a Flag fighter were no other than you and your Gundam! Even so it has already passed love and transcended hate... It has become destiny!"

Five minutes later, The gringo was at my mercy, it was quite sad actually.

"Fight me boy! Kill me and let me see you claim victory with those hands!" "No..." "Why! Why wont you land the finishing blow!" I'll live, I'll leave and seize tomorrow! That is... my battle. I'll fight to live."

We later went to assault the Innovators hideout where the Titans were en masse we were assisted by Londo Bell, the coup faction and other assorted giant robot groups, UN spacy, the Huckbein team, The Dai-Gurren brigade, Think something out of

Super robot wars. The Zonders and King Zarkon were there too, but they aren't really that important, and this is MY story dammit! I faced off first against Louise and Andrei who would become Marie's worry worth brother who is always trying to get Marie and Alellujah to get married. Kicked the crap out of both, obviously. And then we were all getting in trouble against the Innovator forces until the miraculous deus ex machina Raiser burst occurred Tieria regained control of Veda, the Gaga's were stopped, and the Titans were running away, at least the ones we didn't kill. I found Tieria, his body dead and his mind put in Veda along with Regene. I still find myself somewhat bummed out at the truth of Aeolia's plan, mainly since we have craploads of aliens, monsters, robots, and all that other crap around since the 19XX's so it was kinda too late. And so I was ready to go home and help plan a bitchin victory party, and then boom, Ribbons appears in some freaky, well, Guncannon thing.

"Ha! In your face Tieria! Who is the real innovator now? Me! Ribbons motherfucking Almark!" "You really suck at this Magus..." "Real funny Setsuna. But now I gotta kill you because if I can defeat you a true innovator I will prove my worth!" "So you did all this because you are insecure and bitter, wow some super villain you turned out to be. Even Char wasn't as blatantly self absorbed as you. And, is your Magus theme song going at a faster tempo and with guitar synth?" "Yes, its called Battle with Magus, I'm going to fucking kill you remix." "Real subtle Magus..."

And so the epic battle began, it had everything. Epic explosions, witty one liners, massive beam spamming, giant swords, and all the other awesome junk. The battle could have gone for days, but since this was the last episode we had to cut it short.

Both his Reborns Gundam and my 00-Raiser were trashed, and Ribbons ran off with one of my drives putting it into the abandoned 0 Gundam. While my friends sent the repaired Exia to help me. And the final showdown ensued, to the sound of a childrens chorus insert song and a monologue made by Maria Ishmail. We went to the final charge, and I defeated Ribbons.

Eventually peace came once more, and the truth about the A-laws came out, Scirroco and his goons quietly fled and now hide, living as muscle for hire. The surviving Innovators were either put to work or in Hilling and Revive's care were put under

Regene Regetta's supervision so that they would keep quiet and not cause trouble. The federation was more or less forced to eat crow and nowadays we get along slightly better. Graham is STILL trying to top me all the time. As for me...

"We're Celestial Being. People who aim to end war. Even if it means rejection from the world, we'll continue to confront it! Even if it means the use of force, we'll live as a deterrence for the world. That's why we must continue to exist. For the future..."

"Wow Milena, that movie makeup thing worked out great." Thanks Miss Sumeragi, now he wont look like an albino freak of nature." "I heard that..."


	22. Road trip 1: Sis puella magi

**ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip**

We find ourselves at the rec room of the Ptolemaious 2 where Celestial being is about to watch their new show. "All right we finally get our own spin off" Lockon happily mentions as he stands at the back while the rest of the crew huddles around the couch Tieria picks up the remote and turns on the TV only to find a familiar purple sock puppet reporter with blond hair, googly eyes, and a cheap suit with clip on tie. "Good day I am Ima Penis and I am here to inform you that due to unfortunate circumstances involving the 2011 hurricane season, and the main authors ADHD, We are Celestial being is canceled and all its characters and plot arcs will be once more relegated to secondary status. We now return to hour fourteen hour

Tommy, Jason yaoi slash fic marathon. God have mercy on us all..." The entire crew remains shocked at the news as Tieria bellows out one last "WHAT!? THE FUCK!?"

**Season 2 Chapter 1: Sis Puella magi **

**Written by Aliasoddity**

After the cataclysmic events of last season, Beverly hills is in a state of ruin as a giant pink castle lies crashed in the streets of the city, massive areas in ruins and martial law everywhere. We find four characters wearing brown military uniforms a large sword wielding woman with pink hair, a short pig tailed girl a blue feral dog wolf, and Bakura. "I am not Bakura..." I mean a blonde woman with a doctors lab coat. The short girl comments, "So this is Beverly hills huh? What a craphole. It makes New York and Gotham city seem normal and happy." The blonde woman then interjects with "Well, I heard there is a bloody good steakhouse a few blocks above." The pink haired sword wielder finishes the conversation saying "We are here on a mission we need to find the new recruits before its too late and they get caught by the reaper of the plots. Zafira, what do you sense?" "Nothing so far Sigmun! It seems that he is hiding well. We should head to the station post haste." "Lets go, Vita, Shamal, Zafira..."

Meanwhile our heroes are preparing for their new life as heroes for hire. "Can you feel the sunshine?" comments Tails doll as the walks around with his new color coded uniform. A ZAFT soldier like suit minus the rank stripes and yellow and white in color. Alongside him is Kira who now wears a blue and white version of the suit, Athrun with a red and white one and Shinn with a green and white one. "I gotta say Shinn this was a pretty good idea getting a power rangers uniform schtick and a chance to give more descriptive visuals to the audience so they don't have to arse themselves with wikia farms." commented Kira about the new looks with Athrun saying "Well what now?" Tails doll explained away the situation "Well it appears that we need to take the superhero application license and to do that we need to go to the police station and fill out some paperwork." Shinn counters with "Crap! I wonder if those guys are still pissed about the arson incident? I mean they were happy when I killed Lindsay Lohan, but still..." "No use complaining guys, we need to get some money anyways since the constant destruction of our house is leaving us broke." Athrun said as the group left for the garage.

Opening the hangar bays and turning on the line we find ourselves next to a new armored van with all the trappings, gray and white in colors with a white capital Z within a red circle representing their new logo, and since Athrun made the thing it obviously has a Zaku command antenna in the roof. Athrun passes his hand on the van's trailer area and proudly exclaims "This is my greatest vehicle yet! THE ZAFT ROADER!" "Hard to believe you didn't paint it red like all the crap you make." Commented Shinn with a smile, with Athrun rebutting "Who says I didn't? Trans AM!" Suddenly the van turns red and glowing with Athrun laughing like an mad scientist, the rest of the crew could only look in embarrassment at Athrun's crazy moment. After finishing he opens the door and turns on the car only for it to peter out exclaiming "What the hell is going on?" Kira then goes inside to point out "Athrun, you do know that Trans AM leaves the GN drive weak after use" Interrupted by an explosion in the back of the car he continues. "Also GN tau drives break down after Trans AM and you need to change them..." "MOTHERFUCKER!"

A new GN drive later and we find our heroes going to the police station, which is not doing well. "Dude! Everyone is dead!" Shinn yells out in shock continuing with "Who could have done this?" He keeps on with Kira overhearing every word in growing nauseating horror. "I mean, look! Have you ever seen such gore in your life?!" "ugh..." "Even the rats are dead! And they've gutted, quartered and I think raped as well" "Jesus..." " And the smell! Damn! It smells like Satan's shit heap!" "happy place Kira... happy place..." "I can hear the stink of the damned! Its like the Saw movies except that it doesn't suck, and has been done to death!" "twinkle, twinkle, little star... (sob, sniffle)" At that time a small girl with red hair tied back with a black bow and suit which can be noted by her fang like right tooth protruding outside walked into the light complaining while scratching her head. She sits down in one of the seats of the shockingly intact police station which outside of the corpses and blood looked perfectly fine, while munching on a Butterfinger bar. "Waiting for those four guys sure is boring. I wish Sayaka would come back, instead of making me watch the ambush... After sighing and taking a bite of her chocolate bar she perks up commenting

"NO! I cannot be discouraged! I will protect Sayaka chan from those guys, no matter what!" Our heroes look on apparently ignored completely by the girl when Kira asks "Excuse me, who are you miss?" The red haired girl answered with "Kyoko Sakura, and no miss please, and you are? "Oh I'm Kira Yamato and these are my friends, the guy with the blue hair and mullet is Athrun Zala, The guy with the spiky Beiber cut is Shinn Asuka, and the creepy fox plushy with two tails is the Tails doll. So what are you doing here anyways?" Kyoko elaborated with "Killing people basically, me and the others came from the world of Puella to kill Kyubei, who is hiding in this world in revenge for turning us into magical girls in order to fund an alien scheme to stop the death of the universe by energy loss by using emotional energy given off by despair." Athrun annoyed goes on to rant "Okay, that is pure unadulterated bullshit right there! The laws of Entropy specifically say that energy cannot be destroyed, it can only be rended unusable. Also the fact that emotional energy cannot be harnessed in per se since emotions in the most logical sense are caused by chemical reactions. And to use mental energy you would either have to collect the psychic waves or electrical synaptic energy of the brain. Also if the heat death of the universe is stopped, which is scientifically impossible due to the nature of entropy itself, Too much energy would cause expansion to the point where metric expansion in the universe would cause the universe to collapse. Added to the fact that to this day the nature of dark matter is a mystery as well as the heat death paradox. Which in sense causes the logical concept of such a story faulty via reducto ad absurdum.

"Wow..." Tails doll musters in amazement as everyone is surprised at Athrun explanation. At that time a blue haired girl in a white cape and blue costume walks to the group to which Kyoko gleefully stands up to go to "Sayaka chan!" Only to have Sayaka trip her causing Kyoko to fall on her face with tears. Flabbergasted Tails doll comments "Are all magical girls lesbians or something?" Kira responds with "Its the rule of Nanoha that there is at least five lesbian shippings per magical girl series or risk getting hit by a divine buster."Sayaka quickly responded by blushing then screaming out "I AM NOT GAY!" Kira then calmly commented "Dude its okay being gay you know, its a perfectly acceptable lifestyle choice and..." Sayaka enraged yells out "I WILL SHANK YOU UP YOUR ASS!" while summoning a silver cutlass. Then a blond girl with curly sideburns and a brown beret along with yellow clothes and a hairpin on each side appears sighing and commenting "Sayaka don't let these people rile you up." "Shut up Mami! I know what I'm doing. Now help me kick these guys asses!" "But Sayaka they seem harmless, you are just overreacting, you are always doing this." Athrun joins in the conversation with a "Oh really?" When Mami continues on "Oh yes, all the time! Like when that hairstylist cut off too much of her bowl cut and she burned down his store." "MAMI! AAHHH! SCREW THIS!" Sayaka yells out at the top of her lungs as she lunges forward only to be sidestepped and karate chop in the back by Athrun knocking her down a peg. Kyoko watching this catches her second wind and lunges at Athrun who ably dodges and karate chops her as well knocking her down quickly. Mami visibly annoyed sighs quietly and picks up the two girls saying "I really am sorry you four I mean I'm supposed to be their senior and well..." Suddenly Mami is cut off by a ominous music, mainly the theme of Dark lord Ganondorf from the legend of Zelda twilight princess. Revealing a black haired girl in a black costume which is only broken via pink ribbons in her hair, with a shield shaped like a clock in her right arm, and a cold scowl in her face. As a storm blows in behind her complete with howling wind and thunder our heroes cannot do anything but be shocked at the sheer spectacle of her entrance with Tails doll saying "Damn, Ribbons got a sex change it seems." Kira asked "We never met that guy how do you?" "I watch the show in WarpFictionNet."

Sayaka recovers and tells the girl. "Homura I'm so glad you're here!" To which she responds with a sigh and with a deadpan tone. "So what the hell did you THIS time Sayaka Miki? If this is like the barber thing I will shove my light arrows up your ass so help me goddess." Sayaka continues with "You wouldn't let Madoka's friend get hurt would you?" To with Homura immediately responds with "Bite me bitch!" "Please Homura! I'll let you have that picture of Madoka I keep around!" At hearing those words Homura perked up and smiled commenting. "You just got yourself an ass saving." Tails doll gets in the way boasting "And how do you expect to do that Skanky ?" To which Homura responds with a light arrow which Tails doll grabs and throws at Mami blowing up her head spilling her blood and guts all over Sayaka and a recovering Kyoko whom comments. "Aw hell they killed Mami." Tails doll commented "You don't seem to broken up about it. I mean she is one of the most popular of you all." Kyoko quickly retorted with "Have you EVER seen Madoka? She died in episode 3 and then died ANOTHER five times before the series ended and she got revived at the end." Sayaka continued with "She's like Kenny Mc. Cormick

only with moe and woobie added on." "Any-ways, you can't beat me! I'm the motherfucking Tails doll! I make Albert Wesker pee himself in fear! Chuck Norris checks under the bed for me! I killed a freaking god before meeting these people! You can't beat me! And... why is my stomach ticking? And how did you get beside me little girl?" Homura answers with "I just shoved ten pounds of C4 inside you, and I'm magic; buttwipe." Then with the click of a switch blows up Tails doll from the inside out. Kira ran to the remains crying "Tails doll!" holding his blown up head and weeping. To which Athrun comments "We are screwed aren't we?" With Shinn nodding in fearful agreement as Homura summons a large number of surface to surface missile launchers, as she prepares to fire she gets punched out by a rushing Kira who angrily comments "I won't let you hurt my friends!" As he proceeds to curbstomp Homura to an amazed crowd with Sayaka shouting "What the fuck just happened?!" Athrun then says "It seems that the trauma of Tails doll death caused Kira to awaken a dormant badass mode previously unknown to all due to the virtue of Deus ex Machina." Tails doll's head then rolls to the group saying "I'm not dead guys!"

And at hearing that Kira calms down only to get caught in Homura's angry chokehold seethingly muttering "I will fucking kill you" In monotone as she proceeds to strangle the life out of Kira, when a German voice from out of nowhere shouts out. "Schwalblefigen!" And causes several explosions separating Kira and Homura who dodges out of the way revealing the four figures, the pink haired swordsman now wearing pink armor complete with plate armor in several areas and a large sword yells out "I am the knight of the sword! The mighty general of fire! I am Sigmun!" The short girl with pigtails now has red clothes with a large hat with a bunny head coming out of it and a cricket hammer like weapon commenting. "Knight of the Crimson iron hammer, There is nothing I cannot break! Vita!" The blond woman now wearing a green dress speaking in a heavy British accent she calmly says. "I am the knight of the lake, The hand of the healing wind Shamal!" And finally the blue dog wolf thing who says. "I am the shielding guardian beast, the blue wolf! Zafira!" and all four step forward in sync yelling out. "We are the swirling clouds that gather across the night sky! Kishi Sentai! Wokenritter!" Followed by massive explosions of many colors. Only to reveal that the fight was long over, with our heroes collapsed on a heap half dead and the four girls long gone. At the sight the Wokenritter could only look embarrassed due to their utter failure in completing their mission. Vita could only mutter out "Hayate isn't gonna be happy will she?" Sigmun then complained "Thank you captain obvious..." Shamal muttered "This is all your fault you know. You were the one who insisted on the poses and roll call. And Zafira snapped them out with "You do know they are dying, right?"

Sometime later we find our heroes recovering from their wounds, healed by Shamal's magic. "Thanks Bakura." Commented Athrun to an annoyed Shamal "Why do you people ALWAYS call me that? "Well, you have very little screen time in Nanoha, you have rings that can track people. You have a ridiculously British accent, you normally act really nice, but are probably evil..." "Don't forget the steak obsession" interdicted Vita to whom Shamal angrily glared at. "Wow she really is Ryou Bakura..." commented Athrun under his breath. Vita continued with "I finished putting the fox back together, lets go back home already! Everyone is dead and I miss Hayate!" "Who were those four girls anyway?" Commented Tails doll to which Sigmun answers "The Puella Magi, a terrorist group of supervillains who are very dangerous... At least Homura Akemi is, the other three are pretty much crap. That Kyoko girl is a frigging Char clone with Sasuke Uchiha thrown in for good measure. That Mami Tomoe dies in a daily basis. And Sayaka is clearly an idiot." Shinn then angrily exclaimed "We can't let this stand! We got our asses handed to us by lolis! There must be retribution! The fire demands it! FIIIIIIRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEE!" "Ahem, what is this talk about revenge?" A voice comments revealing Kyubey, a small white critter with a long tail and rabbit and cat ears put together. Oddly this time he is wearing military regalia of a five star general and a generals hat. The three Wokenritter stand up and salute Kyubey in respect commenting "General Q. B. Ey sir!" " At ease ladies, I need to talk to this civilians in private so if you don't mind" Kyuubey comments as the trio leaves. "It's been a long time you guys, I haven't seen you three since college." Kira comments "You're right, so what brings you back to Earth after leaving for Puella?" "Well, it was due to job troubles actually, It seems I made enemies of the magical girls there and now they want to kill me. So to protect me the Incubators sent me back here to lay low. And now I'm working as an author along with Alias and GLaDOS so." "GLaDOS? That creepy robot from the university?" "Yes Shinn, that GLaDOS. Anyway I can give you a hero license and everything, but you gotta help me out with those girls." "We got our asses handed to us QB, and we are the protagonists." "Well all you guys need is to go on a journey, like in those adventure series, or web shows that try and fail at becoming darker and edgier due to attempts to gain critical acclaim or avoid jumping the shark."

The next day We find Lalah Sune meeting with a panicked Stellar Loussier. "Lalah onee-san! Its horrible, Shinn-kun left town! (sob)" Lalah pats her head commenting "Don't worry we'll find them! After all I put a GPS tracking chip on Kira when he was asleep. We'll find them, you'll see!

And outside Beverly Hills we find our heroes inside the ZAFT roader relaxing as Kira asks Shinn "Are you alright with not telling Stellar?" "Well we are going on a deadly quest and I don't want Stellar to get hurt so..." "Yeah, I know this will be our greatest challenge yet." Athrun nods sagely and Tails doll now intact once more says "Yeah, next time I'll eat their souls up but good."

Meanwhile far away from the plot we find Tieria complaining to his agent a giant rat with evil looking sunglasses named Mouser. "Why did the spinoff fall through dammit! We had a pilot done and everything! It even became a chapter in this story! Exposition 1 my ass! That was We are Celestial Being's first episode and you know it! Mouser replies with "Well that's business and the admins didn't seem to care so sorry about that, anyways its not like you're gonna get pushed aside for the new more plot relevant side characters like the Puella Magi and Wokenritter, so I wouldn't worry." Tieria angrily bangs his fist against Mouser's desk yelling "Dammit! Its not over yet, not by a long shot!"

**To be continued...**


	23. Road trip 2: Cancelledvania

**ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip**

We find ourselves nearing a seedy pub complete with Tales from the Crypt music as the camera enters we find the corpse-y figure of the Crypt keeper slumped down with a glass of Brandy on his right arm. "Oh, hello kiddies. Well your old buddy the

Crypt keeper isn't doing too well this days. I've been broke and unable to get a job for years ever since my show got the ax, I haven't gotten a decent paycheck in so long its not even gory. I tried suicide but as a corpse its kinda hard to kill yourself again. Anyways today story involves a group of travelers and a mysterious castle, so go on kiddies. Uncle Crypt Keeper is starting to sober up."

**Season 2 Chapter 2: Cancelledvania.**

**Written by Aliasoddity**

We find ourselves inside the ZAFT roader an armored and surprisingly roomy van which our heroes Kira Yamato, Athrun Zala, Shinn Asuka, and the Tails doll, travel thru the countryside in search of four little girls one of them who humiliatingly curb stomped all four of them single handed to take bloody horrific vengeance upon them, yeah... Our heroes are different. Kira is looking up in the PC the website and reading up on the past adventures.

GLaDOS stops the video to comment "What the fuck? Now we are breaking the Nth wall?" Alias responds bluntly with "What's the worse that could happen?"

Meanwhile in Riot force 6 headquarters the entire staff is evacuating from the universe correcting itself "Get in the choppa!" Yelled out Hayate Yagami at the evacuating crew when Fate Testarossa comments "This isn't a chopper you know..." "I know, I just wanted to say that." "Aren't we forgetting something Hayate?"

Cut to Erio Mondal getting mauled by rampaging the human sized Einst Shchadel, as he scream in pain and horror at being maimed and beaten.

Back at the choppa, which is actually the battle cruiser Wolfram we find Nanoha Takamachi along side Fate and Hayate charging up an attack of considerable power several times larger than the giant battleship they are on, worriedly Hayate blurts out

"Isn't this befriending a bit too extreme?" Fate responding "It always worked before..." At that time Nanoha finished charging up her attack yelling out "Friendship murder hell beam! FRIENDSHIIIIPPPP!" and firing a massive blast of energy that destroys everything within a half mile radius, and causing Erio to fly into the Wolfram's cargo entrance where the others are landing face down and charred hideously. As the crew looks on at the sight Hayate blurts out, "Okay Erio I need you to join up with the Wokenritter it seems Bakura needs help. Now if you don't mind I'm off to sexually harass complete strangers at gunpoint to avoid working." And with those words Hayate flies off the cargo door and closes it off.

Back with Alias and our other authors. "See guys! No harm no foul! Alias comments while GLaDOS looks on in a monitor commenting "Interesting; the Einst, wonder how they test?"

And back to our heroes we discover them reaching a castle in the wilderness in the middle of the night under a full moon. "What the crap is an European style castle doing here?" Shouts out Shinn as the group looks on from the van which has broken down. "And Athrun, I thought you used the good parts for this van." Athrun near the motor and huddled up in the fetal position yelled out a "SHUT UP!" in response. Tails doll looks at the motor and yells out "Can you feel the sunshine?!" "Oh goddammit Tails doll" Yelled out Athrun in annoyance as he elaborated. "This is black magic we are dealing with here guys. And its coming from... (points to the castle as lightning strikes) ...that castle over there." Upon hearing that Athrun revives and shakes Tails doll violently muttering "Are you sure?" "positive." responds Tails doll to which Athrun with great determination yells out while grabbing his fist. "We are gonna go to that castle to do something about this mess those assholes will rue the day the messed with Athrun Jacques Zala! (Athrun pulls off a Kamina style index finger to the sky pose with fire and the Canadian flag in the background) Who the hell do they think I am?!" The rest of the team looks on amazed and Kira comments "How do we do that?"

Our heroes are then seen busting down the main gate of the castle with AK-47 assault rifles firing wildly in the air and Athrun yelling out "Okay asswipes we are here to kick ass and get our car in working order." When they are suddenly found by a large muscular character with a square head and a leather jacket. Sighing he walks to the group who is still firing rounds and says in a British accent. "Would you please stop this racket gentlemen?" Only to get shot in the head causing the group to stop worriedly.

Kira asks visibly afraid "Are you dead mister?" To which the large creature comments as he stands up "Its okay, what is a M43 round to the head in this day and age. By the way, where did you get those weapons?" Kira then blurted out "The nice Afghani terrorists gave them to us back in season 1" "Why do I always get the freaks?" "Anyway you are the Frankenstein's monster right?" "Oh goody, he has intelligence and I thought I was dealing with some new fundamentalist hippie movement."

Anyway, my name is Victor Charles Frankestein, and I am the head butler of Castlevania." At that mention all four heroes simultaneously comment "CASTLEVANIA?!" with Kira ruining the mood by asking "What is Castlevania?" Athrun comments "The legendary castle of Dracula, the most evil and famous vampire ever, and sworn enemy of the Belmont clan, for centuries the Belmont clan has fought and killed Dracula for years until 1999 where Julius Belmont finally killed the guy and disappeared somewhere." Victor amazed comments "I see somebody has played the Sorrow games." Shinn then said "Yeah, this guy is awesome at old school video games, too bad he sucks at Halo. Only to get smacked upside the head by Athrun in anger and retaliation who goes on to say. "We are looking to do something about the dark magic that busted up our car." "Dammit not again... That's the third one tonight. You see master Leon Death is working on some time distortion that landed our castle here. Anyways we need sunlight to activate the machine so we will be stuck here for another day. In the meantime I guess you should stick around." "Solar powered?" commented Tails doll. "Yes, we at the Dracula organization pride ourselves with being ecologically friendly. That and we can't get eye of newt in northern California. I just hope that you act more civilized than that horrible woman we have locked up in the basement. Anyway, follow me gentlemen." Athrun the comments "What about my van?" "Oh do not fret, I sent Cagnazzo to retrieve the van. And no, its not THAT Cagnazzo from Final Fantasy."

Meanwhile at the clock tower we find the representation of death er... Death and a small, hunchbacked, ugly fellow called Igor. Death visibly frustrated holds his temples with his right arm and pacing madly trying to figure out how to quickly fix the problem. Commenting in a cockney accent "Curses! No matter what I try I can't get this fixed." "We should have used a time machine like everyone else Igor says. You are being old fashioned Igor says." "Well if you are so damn smart why didn't you buy the time machine? No YOU had to spend all the money." "We have more money Igor says, You should use banks instead of stuffing bags of money in chandeliers Igor says. Same with pork chops in walls Igor says." "We traveled in time for shits sake! There isn't exactly a bank of America in the middle of France in 1791! What the hell was a supposed to do?! And stupid Ritcher cleaned us out last time. And now that annoying red headed maniac is down at the catacombs doing who knows what?" "Isn't it ginger Igor says?" "Anime hair doesn't count and you know it."

Meanwhile at the main hall of Castlevania we find our heroes meeting out of all people Celestial Being's Gundam Meister Tieria Erde along with another four colorful characters. Athrun instantly recognizes the foursome and begins to do introductions in the most fanboyish way possible. "Oh man, I know you guys! The white haired bishie with the fur coat is Soma Cruz, he apparently can control the souls of monsters and a candidate for the dark lord even if Japan had nothing to do with medieval Europe. The blond girl is Yoko Belnades, she is a witch, same as the former with the Japanese-ness. The big bald black guy is Hammer, since he is black and this is a Halloween based episode he will die first when the plot picks up because horror movie writers are secretly racist. And the black haired bishie in the business suit is Alucard in disguise, who is the son of Dracula and half vampire." Alucard after hearing the intro could only say "Thanks asshole, I wanted to keep it a secret from Death that I am here."

"Sir you do know that all of us can sense your demonic aura right?" Commented Victor to the group and Hammer added "He's got a point children, but don't worry I can help you get thru it with a song. (R&B music starts to play) I'm gonna make love to you woman, Gonna lay you down by the fire, And caress your womanly body, Make you moan and perspire." "Shut up Hammer!" Yelled out Yoko in anger as everyone calmed down.

Kira and Shinn went to Tieria curiously with Shinn asking "Tieria what are you doing here?" "Well Shinn as you know we at Celestial Being were meant to have a spinoff the exposition chapter was proof of that actually. But as the year passed on the whole thing was scrapped, so I went off on a journey to get our spin off back on air." Kira retorted with "Aren't you being far too reckless and irresponsible with your duties as a meister?" "Actually we take turns and usually things are quiet this time of year, I'm sure everyone else is just fine."

At that time in the city of Chesapeake Virginia where the ruins of Riot force 6 lie we find the rest of Celestial being pinned in by rampaging Einst giled whom appear like hooded people with tentacles, along with Federation GNX-IV forces and Braves.

Graham Aker visibly angry complains "You know, Tieria could have been useful now, with his guns and stuff... WHERE THE HELL IS HE!?" Feldt answered with "Its too quiet in there; for now you have to do a barrel roll, (Graham looks weirded out)

Do a barrel roll! To do a barrel roll press Z or R twice." "Little girl is that really necessary?" "Do a barrel roll!" "You sure?" "Do a fucking barrel roll." "It shall be done my master." commented Graham as he transformed its Brave into its fighter to the worried looks and commentary of his peers, mainly Setsuna who mutters out. "What in the hell are you doing you loser?" Suddenly Graham barrels out taking down all the Einst in a shocking turnaround to the amazement of everyone. Lockon uttered a "Holy crap, that crazy girl actually... (gulp)" Sumeragi then called over the comlink yelling out "Quickly! Feldt keep spouting insane crap! Setsuna pull out your hot blooded action anime music mix blu-ray on full blast and send it to Graham!

And someone get me some more Jack Daniels. I needs mah brain food." Setsuna nods and loads up his disk selecting Flying in the sky G-Gundam's theme song and putting it in on continuous loop. Suddenly Graham's Brave begins to glow gold, and Graham starts to charge up an attack. The glowing intensifies in his fist creating the "Sekiha, Graham, Graham, TENKYOKEEEENNNN!" Suddenly a large blast of power that reveals the Burger king crossing its arms with its unmoving plastic smile

crash into the Einst forces obliterating them from the universe.

We turn to a nearby building in the city, at that time only two persons were at the roof top looking at the carnage A red haired well built man carrying a device called a Mizuchi blade named Axel Arma looked on with binoculars at the explosion whistling in amazement and chuckling. "Well Alchimie I guess you win this bet. Just don't eat thru my funds this time." A smaller framed girl goes to Axel's side with blue hair and a frilly white and pink dress, Alchemie Einst. "Well of course, I can sense these things after all, and I can't make any promises Axel, I am a growing girl after all." "Anyway Alchemie, you never did tell me, why are you so interested in going against the Einst? Aren't they your creators and stuff?" "You'll find out soon enough, after all the audience has a right to speculate ya know." "Do you really believe in the authors and the audience? That's just an interdimensional old wives tale."

Meanwhile, back at the plot we find ourselves in Castlevania's deep dank catacombs where a familiar evil from Season 1 rears her head. Metsu, the Setsui no Hadou fueled Lunamaria Hawke, and disturbing coincidence when it comes to the fact that two of our heroes respective girlfriends are evil, one is drunk somewhere, and the other ones have yet to appear. Kinda makes an author fear being pegged as a misogynist by his readers. Holding the legendary book of the dead the Necronomicon.

"Finally I found it, a place with enough dead energy to revive my love and take vengeance upon Shinn Asuka! With all these freshly slaughtered corpses and Satanic objects to cast blood rituals with. I command you forces of evil from hell ARISE!"

And as evil maniacal laughter reverberates nothing happens. "The hell?! I knew I should have gotten that Necromancy for dummies book when I killed everyone in that Borders store. What now?" Suddenly a huge explosion of blood and flames and horror burst out from the floor revealing the armies of hell whom bow down to a Pikachu. "I'm back Athrun Zala, back from hell, for revenge!" Metsu then commented "Who are you? Where is Rey?" "He is not in hell fool! You should have read the script! Now face the wrath of Jean-Luc Pikachu!"

Aliasnotes: That is Ash's Pikachu's canon name in Pokemon. I swear to god its true...

Metsu readies her furious aura for battle and rushes to Jean-Luc to launch a Hurricane kick to which Pikachu counters with a demonically enhanced Thunderbolt knocking her clear out into the ground leaving a large crater in it. Unable to move,

Metsu could only look on in fear as she is torn apart limb by limb by Jean-Luc's electric bursts. With her limbs all destroyed, reduced to charred bits and pieces Metsu fades into unconsciousness as Jean-Luc drops a large boulder into Metsu's head crushing her dead with his mind. "Now, hell minions! To battle!

**To be continued...**


	24. Exposition 3: Giving thanks

**ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip**

Warning! The following episode includes factual history. The reason you do not hear of this is because of the Illuminati/Papal/Incubator/corporate/history channel conspiracy to hide the truth and cause that movies like Titanic become more successful than they deserve. Leonardo DiCaprio sucks!

This series is brought to you by QB, fifteen minutes give you superpowers call 1-800-GIV-SOUL.

This episode is brought to you by the movie, The human centipede. How much glue and paint do you need to sniff to come up with this, and ACTUALLY manage to get it done into a movie? Even getting an international release? What the fuck is wrong with these people?

**Exposition 3: Giving thanks**

**Compiled by Kyuubei.**

This is a story of my youth, before I Kyuubei Pureevilgton was an Incubator of Puella Magi. On one of my earliest jobs, where I became the slayer of dodo knights.

The year in Earth was 16XX when the Americas were being colonized by the Europeans. Now, for many years we have "guided" the people of Earth towards its current state. It all started in the council meeting chambers, where the Inculord was giving me a mission. Nobody really knows who the Inculord is all that we hear is a distorted voice, he was scary as fuck. "So, you are Kyuubei Pureevilgton, (chuckles) nice name, your cloner must have really loved you" He was also a snarky motherfucker! Anyways contrary to other storylines, we Incubators have emotional capability, its just that we don't care, we do what we want, this is who we be. We don't really show facial expressions and speak thru telepathy so we just go with it. "Anyways Kyuubei our enemies the Dodo race are nearing a peace accord between the puritan settlers in Plymouth and the native Pohwatan tribe. As you know, white people are the most evil race we have managed to create and it is in the interest of the Entropy management department to maintain the humans selfish and miserable. So you must go and kill Pocahontas of the Powhatan tribe John Smith and the Dodo knights. Those damn feathered pricks must not succeed we Socialist republic of Incubator must have the contract from the federation! Rubber ducky DEMANDS IT! (ahem) now go!"

Yeah, that's the Inculord, if he wasn't a great administrator and had the power of Rubber ducky the water lord of the water, he would be gone a while ago.

Anyways, I went to Earth where I met my superior in the area Ryubei, He looked like me but with pure white fur. He was okay, but rather odd. When we met he started up with. "You are Kyuubei, right?" Nervously I said yes to which he answered. "You must defeat Shen Long to have a chance against me." "Are you alright?" "Sorry, I was channeling my precognitive spirit. I saw a future where bad grammar ruled over all. First due to hardware limitations. But later on because kids who never passed the third grade made it "cool." As I looked on like he was on opium, a really old drug that was around long ago and worked like marijuana with a dose of crack. He continued on with the words. "Well anyways, first find Governor Ratcliffe he is one of the village leaders of the colony. And put on these wings and fake halo. We get dumb white people to do what we want by impersonating angels." "Won't the real things be pissed about it." Then a voice from out of nowhere came to talk to me. "Not really, truth is god doesn't even care." "Who are you anyway?" "I'm Gabriel, the angel. Anyway, have you seen this world? As long as everyone worships him, god doesn't care how many people die or suffer, same with all of the other gods out there."

Meanwhile in the nearby forest of Dodoyavin, there is a huge tree with a hollow entrance where we find the advanced headquarters of the dodo knights. For millennia they had lived as pudgy, flightless birds.

Shadows that guide races to enlightenment. There the eldest dodo Doyoda was meditating when the dodo master Dowindu came bursting along saying. "Master Doyoda there is a disturbance in the dodorce! What could it be?" "Calm, be you must. A great trial coming is, in us depending the world is." "Master Doyoda should I send some men out there?" "Dodobiwan and Dodanakin send should you."

In another part we see Pocahontas singing colors of the wind, like in the gay ass Disney movie. Truth is that song was sand by the real Pocahontas who also looked like the chick in the Disney movie. No one cares about that so lets focus on Dodobiwan and Dodanakin. Starting with Dodanankin. "This is going a mess master." Oh lighten up Dodanakin this mission is going to be easy all we need to do is look after Pocahontas until the conference is over." "Yeah, that's the same thing you said before Chinese take out, that fortune cookie was pretty eerie. I mean, you will be burnt alive and turned into a cyborg monster while all who you know and love will be butchered while you are powerless to do anyting about it. And spend hundreds of years seeking vengeance upon the one who caused your dilemma "Oh quit being such a pussy!" "Is that a RPG launcher up there aimed at the girl?" "Why yes Dodani-GET HER OUT OF HERE!"

The duo tackle Pocahontas to the ground while the missile misses the trio whom explodes in Mother Willow's (the old tree mentor from the movie) face several meters ahead, utterly blowing her up. The would be killer vanished as the duo sped away after the gunman. The duo at first appear to have lost the hit man only for Dodobiwan to dodorce lift the tree the guy was hiding who in a panic yelling and flailing around prepared his musket yelling out "protect me gun!" and shooting Dodobiwan merely catches the bullet with his dodorce powers, binding the shooter, and commenting. "Okay white boy start talking." The white boy, a colonist more than likely sent to start a war by killing Pocahontas started yelling out. "Like hell I will evil witches!" Dodobiwan counters with "The two of us are guys." "So what?! You are all Satan's minions, and Jesus will come and genocide your heathen asses just like the Indians! Dodanakin said "I read his mind master, he is being ordered by Ratcliffe." "Good job apprentice! LET'S MIND RAPE HIS ASS!" "Master, you do know mind rape is said to cause brain damage to the user?" And even with that the duo used their powers to drive the man into insanity.

At that time Kyuubei in his angel costume complete with plastic wings a fake halo and a toga. Is conversing with governor Ratcliffe. "Well that is the plan we command you to kill John Smith with this." Kyuubei commented while Ratcliffe looked on at the sight of a mysterious bottle which takes the appearance of native American pottery before his eyes. Kyuubei elaborated about the jar claiming "This is Jesus juice it will purify John Smith and set him back in the path of God. Succeed and your place in heaven is assured, with all the gold liquor and loose women you could ever want." "Yes angel sir! (gets up and leaves the room yelling) Hillings!"

Some time later in the Pohwatan village we find Pocahontas along with the warrior/Pocahontas stalker Kocoum, and Nakoma best friend/Kocoum stalker dragging the same man who tried to kill her to the shaman Kekata's hut. As they drop the mud covered man, heavily tied up and gagged we find Kekata observing Nakoma then asks. "Is he alright? I mean he was having sex with mud." Kekata then answers "Dammit girl,

I'm a shaman not a crazy people expert! Seriously we're spiritualists, mages, now help me inject the rattlesnake venom extract on this guy. Delicious scientific rattlesnake venom!

A dead crazy guy later we find ourselves with no clues and Kekata saying "Well we killed a white guy now what? I suppose we should throw him off a cliff and say a bear ate him. Kocoum, make yourself useful and drag the body out of the village." Koucom responded with a surfer accent. "No way dude I need to protect Pocahontas virginity from the evil white guys. You know, so I can take it man. After all I'd like to shoot her with my arrows if you know what I mean." "Get the hell out of here before I use the rattlesnake venom on you!" Yelled Kekata as Koucom left with Pocahontas yelling out PIG! and Nakoma saying

"Oh spirits that was so hot! Take me darling!'" As she runs off after him.

Some time later governor Ratcliffe under Kyuubei's guidance prepared a feast to help smooth out tensions which were steadily worsening the dodo knights prepared for the journey when they were cut off at the pass by Ryubei humming the imperial march while wearing a black cloak yelling "You turned her against me! Dodobiwan!" With Dodobiwan yelling "You have done that yourself!" Dodanakin could only look on in confusion and blurt out. "Am I missing something here?" Going into a three way conversation between Dodobiwan, Dodanakin and Ryubei, starting with Ryubei. "You will not take her from me!" Dodobiwan "Your anger and your lust for power have already done that!" Dodanakin "What the fuck is going on?" Dodobiwan "You have allowed this dark lord to twist your mind until now, you have become the very thing you swore to destroy." Dodanakin: "Is that fire coming from the settlement?" Ryubei: "Don't lecture me Dodobiwan. I see thru the lies of the dodo. Dodanakin: Now I'm hearing blood curdling screams master." Ryubei: I do not fear the dark side like you do." Dodanakin: "Are you two high on frog butt or something?" Ryubei: "I have brought peace, justice, freedom, and security to my new empire! Dodobiwan: Your new empire?!

Dodanakin: The first thing I'll do when we all die is kick Doquigon's ass." Ryubei: "Don't make me kill you."Dodobiwan: Ryubei, my allegiance is to the republic, TO DEMOCRACY. Dodanakin: "Do you two even understan... (sigh) (throws wings up in frustration)" Ryubei: "If you're not with me, then you are my enemy. Dodobiwan: "Only an incubator deals in absolutes." Dodanakin: "I am NEVER mind raping again after seeing this." Dodobiwan: I will do what I must." Dodanakin: "Screw this I'm outta here, try not to die master." Ryubei: "You will try." And so Dodanakin leaves as the two warriors ready their lightsabers whom magically float in midair and proceed to jump fifty feet into the air.

At that time the feast was being spread along the groups in the settlement they are unaware that Kyuubei slipped in the drinks large quantities of Jesus juice, which are actually powerful drugs that increase agression and paranoia as the feast went on things got violent and out of hand to the point where Dodanakin saw the ruins of the settlement with massive carnage and mayhem and those unaffected screaming in fear and hiding in terror, watching as John Smith murders the terrified Pocahontas by stabbing her with a hunters knife only to be killed in retaliation by Nakona by a tomahawk to the back of the head before collapsing in exhaustion. Ratcliffe did little better as he was one of the first casualties. Dodanakin screamed in horror when he saw Kyuubei looking on at the carnage yelling out. "This is great! I feel alive! So this is what the job is all about."

As he rubs his back flaunting himself. Dodanakin looks at Kyuubei and angrily comments "Did you do this?" "Of course, it was part of my mission." Kyuubei commented switching to a cold tone of voice devoid of emotions. With this the dodo knights will be discredited and the white militants will have their excuse to go to war. It is said in simulations that the Europeans superior weaponry and numbers combined with their fanaticism will lead to a swift conquest of the natives, whom will be killed and enslaved. This will cause large amounts of despair enough to continue the artificial mage construction project for another hundred years!" Incensed Dodanakin uttered "You monster!" "Why do you dodo knights even care?" Suddenly twenty dodo knights surround Kyuubei including Dowindu and Doyoda. "We're too late master Doyoda!" Yelled out Dowindu with Doyoda saying "Lightsabers knights wield now!"

All of the dodo knights ready their blades while Kyuubei dual wields his own muttering "I call upon the dark side of the dodorce, make this fools feel my wrath. Dowindu mentions "This is bad! He is like Ryubei and can access the dark side! Dodanakin drops his saber, remembering the fortune cookie and realizing that by leaving Dodobiwan he left him to die. Doyoda then yelled out "Dodanakin, to master, go you must. Worry do not handle this can we." Dodanakin nods and leaves at top speed. Kyuubei comments "So Ryubei was also trained by Darth Dosidious, that explains it all. But there is one thing that separates us..." Within the span of a second he escapes being surrounded and in another second three knights are killed, dismembered in varying areas among them the heads. With Kyuubei muttering. "I don't waste my time doing dumb shit."

And so the fight began. The knights were many and coordinated well but I blocked all of the attacks or dodged them, breaking their formation when one lunged in front of me. Whom I dodorced lightninged into five of the group then spread the lightning to the group. Then jumped onto their blind spots killing two in one strike and stabbing fatally a third one in the heart when one survivor tried to strike I used the stabbed one as a shield as his comrade cleaved him in half smashing his saber into the ground, while I rushed the guy stabbing him between the eyes. Another group of four tried to bombard me with junk which I dodged while grabbing the survivor putting tossing him nearby and causing a dodorce explosion on the guy which staggered them, dropping their guard in which with some quick moves killed all four in a matter of moments. Doyoda went on the offense jumping around wildly parrying my blows with ease. While Dowindu snuck in from behind, when he went for my head I ducked causing him to miss and broke sabers with Doyoda, causing the two masters to smash into each other. The other six knights went to defend the duo swinging their sabers like mad, clearly upset at he carnage. Leading them away to a place full of gunpowder I broke off while using lightning to set off the powder killing two knights, badly wounding three, and leaving one blinded. I struck the wounded one in the middle of the formation, leapt behind the blinded one threw my sabers at the other two wounded ones killing one with a strike to the head and piercing the other one in both lungs, while dodorce crushing dead the blinded one. I picked up my saber from the dead one and struck down the sole remaining of the six knights with no mercy.

As Doyoda and Dowindu hunted me down Dowindu yelled out "Dammit! Eighteen dead knights in five minutes, almost our entire force, by one guy! This cannot stand, the federation will hear of this!" Doyoda tries to calm down Dowindu with "patience, this, survive we must." "Still I sense nothing, could he have left? No, Dodanakin and Dodobiwan!"

Meanwhile we find Dodanakin witnessing Ryubei finishing off Dodobiwan by ramming his saber thru his gut, commenting. "I was once but the student, now I am the master!" Suddenly Dodanakin leaps forward to battle being blocked by Ryubei's blade while saying "Only a master of evil Ryubei." while being pushed away by Ryubei as Dodanakin retreats to the bushes he is struck down his left arm and both legs cut off and set on fire his cloak and feathers burning away. The one who did the deed turns out to be Kyuubei who steals Dodanakin's lightsaber as a trophy. Ryubei arrogantly and with a hint of pride commented good job boy! You killed eighteen dodo without getting a scratch on you." Dodobiwan tries to compose himself hoarsely saying no while Kyuubei chokes the life out him while Dodanakin can only look on, slipping into unconsciousness hearing his neck snap just before passing out.

That day the fourth Thursday of November in the year 16XX would be remembered, and forgotten. After that outrage relations soured between whites and natives. Leading to several wars and extermination campaigns. The status quo cemented in blood. The Incubators obtained massive amounts of energy to prevent Entropy with and eventually the incubators methods became the primary energy collection technique of the Quantic federation until its collapse in late 18XX. The dodo knights were humiliated and hunted down for food. Eventually the survivors retreated to the stars and began to isolate themselves from the world.

My efforts led me to obtain the order of the Incubi and made a name for myself as the slayer of dodo knights. Eventually I became head collector of the Earth's Puella Magi department. A post which I held for years until that Madoka girl came along and ruined everything. I was forced out of my post and had to hide away in the US along some college buddies. But that is a story for another day.

**To be continued...**


	25. Road trip 3: Cancelledvania 664

**ZAFT of the radiance**

We find ourselves in the same seedy pub of the last cold intro now with 'Tis the season playing on the background, where we find Rudolph the red nosed reindeer downing a bottle of Guinness. "What the fuck are you looking at? (loud guttural burp) Rudolph yelled out while throwing the bottle at the camera. He now swerving begins to talk in a Joe Pesci manner. "Are you looking at me? Are ya? Do I amuse you! Do I, you little fucker! Do you know who I am? I'm motherfucking Rudolph I control who lives and who dies in Christmas world!" Oh crap, run bitch, RUN!

**Season 2 Chapter 3: Cancelledvania 664**

**Written by Aliasoddity**

We find ourselves back at the catacombs of Castlevania where we find the satanic powered Pikachu, Jean-Luc Pikachu. Yelling out in a Patrick Stewart accent "Hell minions! To battle! As the evil hellspawn cheered on. With fiends like Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorghes, Chucky the evil doll from Child's play, Pinhead, Jigsaw and a tin soldier toy who waddles away. "Okay, hell minions, with our combined evil and charismatic wittiness kachu, we will be victorious and rampage thru the world." Jean-Luc remarked as Jigsaw comments "We got lucky thought having that crazy bitch wind up in Castlevania." Pinhead then asked "Hey guys, are you sure that the Rey guy didn't go to hell? I remember him from the fourth layer I think." Jean-Luc told them "I did that to mess with her, it bummed the piss out of that looney, kachu."

We now find Death and Igor talking to our heroes and other visitors, explaining the situation to them and hoping for help, with Tieria asking. "Don't you have armies of monsters to do the job for you?"

With Death responding, "Look a little girl that throws DOVES to attack can kill us all what makes you think we stand a chance against a freaking street fighter." Shinn then commented "Yeah, besides Luna is a total nut!" Tails doll contributes with "Well, I managed to beat her so if we can distract her I can banish her again underground." "Hey TD what happened to the catchphrase?" "Can you feel the sunshine Shinn?

Be serious for a moment man!" Soma comments "So we have a plan right?" Athrun saying "Yes, we must head to the catacombs and catch up with Metsu, hopefully the monsters can slow her down." Death says with a glimmer of hope "You really think they can do it?" "No, I was thinking more along the lines that the carcasses she will wade in will slow her down." Athrun blurts out to which Death begins to cry. "Look its alright Death don't cry man." Kira then jumped in with "Don't worry death after all just because you are beaten once doesn't mean its all over. (grasps fists) Its only when you give up that your journey is truly over!

(raises fists in the air)" "Oh thank you Mr. Kira!" "Death is right Igor says!" Yoko impressed comments "That kid knows what to say, he's a diplomatic genius." To which Athrun, Shinn and Tails doll snicker to trying to hold their composure as the group prepares for battle, with only Hammer standing behind commenting "That's nice and all, but I don't want to die!" Yoko asks "What do you mean Hammer" And Hammer breaks out into an R&B song. "The black guy always dies first! In these situations. If Samuel L. Jackson can get eaten! What hope do I have for salvation?" Suddenly the floor collapses taking Hammer with him into the abyss while horrid screams and slashing sounds echo thru the void.

Meanwhile in Aperture sciences "You did not waste any time invoking that Alias, Isn't it too cliché to do this?." "Oh shut up GlaDOS I know what I'm doing!"

Back at Castlevania we find ourselves with our heroes facing off against Pinhead who came out of the hole yelling "I'm gonna rape ya!" After a moment of silence he angrily complains "Dammit! You were supposed to be scared and amused by my appearance and one liners! Be afraid dammit!" "Who are you anyway?" commented Soma to which Pinhead angrily complains "I'm Pinhead! From the 1980's horror movie Hellraiser!" Shinn asks Athrun "Hey Athrun you know a lot about the 80's, who is this guy?" "I have no idea guys. I never heard of this guy, can't be that important, I mean I heard of Jughead and no one cares about Archie. The only reason anyone reads Archie comics its because of Sonic and Megaman. So I don't know who that is." Yoko comments "How can he be an 80's horror movie star? I mean if he was he would be witty and memorable and not look like an old sewing implement, wearing KISS leather." Shinn mentions "Maybe if we ignore him he will go away." Pinhead tearily complains "You asses! Jean-Luc didn't say anything about this! He said to get Athrun Zala so that he can murder him!" Tails doll says "So you came to kill our friend?" Pinhead starts nodding as he is immolated by Tails doll's fire surge, being reduced to ash in mere moments.

"Lets go people!" As Tails doll and Radiant ZAFT go off to the catacombs, the rest of the group except Tieria are amazed at the acts seen right now. Igor even muttering "Screw Dracula, with those guys we could conquer the world Igor says." With Death responding "Shut up..."

As our heroes go down the stairs they see all of Castlevania's sights the stinking shit filled sewers, the strange underground garden. The completely out of place Egyptian pyramid area with Moai heads and Katamari death traps. All eerily quiet with nothing in sight, until when they enter a large toy room. Tieria looks at the pink striped walls and many stuffed animals and asks. "How in the hell is all of this possible?" Death comments with "What is?" "How can a medieval castle that warps from time and space, have fifteen square miles of catacombs, an Egyptian pyramid and now this?" Then suddenly a large avalanche of toys falls down next to our heroes revealing a surprisingly alive Hammer. Yoko amazed comments "Holy crap you're alive! But how?" "I don't know Yoko, somehow I just wound up here. Hey, I've got some chocolate salty balls to share with you all." Shinn in outrage yelled out "Dear fire! That's disgusting! You're a sick ass!" Athrun interrupts Shinn's tirade by shutting his mouth and explaining " Its a candy you fire humping idiot! And after they both try some they are surprisingly pleased by the taste. Shinn says "This is pretty good, where did you get them? "From a wall I broke down, just like all of the food that is inside the castle."

(R&B music starts to play and Hammer sings) "Hey everybody have you seen my balls? They're big and salty and brown. If you ever need a quick pick me up, just stick my balls in your mouth!" The song is suddenly stopped when Chucky stabbed Hammer's chest thru with a katana from the back below to the throat and judo flipped him down a shaft below

Back in Aperture sciences GlaDOS comments "again?"

After the chaos a strange small doll reveals itself throwing aside his weapon with red hair, suspenders and a horribly seemingly sewn together skin. "See you next fall, bitch! Well assmites, welcome to OZ, bitch! I am Chucky the evil doll, AKA Charles Lee Ray, AKA The Lakeshore strangler, AKA your worse nightmare!" Tails doll then tries to immolate Chucky only to fail spouting out "Why aren't you dead yet?" Chucky then continued boasting. "Yeah freaks, Hey, you blondie! I'm gonna make you my bitch! I'm gonna sell your ass for a cig-" Tails doll interrupts Chucky again, now with a lightning blast of epic proportions, which also fails miserably. "Do you HAVE to rip off TeamFourStar's jokes so blatantly?" "Screw the rules fox boy, I have monkey!" Suddenly from out of nowhere we find the Deku king in all his big headed glory surrounded by Deku scrubs, pointing at Chucky with his scepter and yelling." There he is! He is the fiend who stole LittleKuriboh's joke; and did it badly!" Chucky smugly responds with "Oh yeah?

And what are you gonna do about it? I can chainsaw you-" Suddenly Chucky is tackled by our heroes and swiftly pummeled, followed by the Deku scrubs restraining him with great skill. As the dust settled Chucky ibound gagged and had both his legs broken in seventeen places with the Deku king commenting "Let's go joke stealer! You've got a date with the giant boiling pot in the Deku palace!" Our heroes look on in amazement as Shinn comments "Wow saved by stealing and adamwestlapdog joke!" Which leaves Tieria to muse "And thus internet plagiarism solves all of our problems once again." And Kira to chirp out

"Hooray for being lazy!" As our heroes run off to the next room Alucard, Death and Igor look on in amazement with Alucard saying "So we agree on not telling father or the church about this mess."

With Death and Igor nodding in agreement.

Now in a giant well full of slimy disgusting goo, walls full of cobwebs and ceilings full of chains. As our heroes cross the perimeter. Suddenly the room trembles and the ooze begins to rise when the voice of Jigsaw appears from the rooftops. "Welcome to my trap little mice now you will all die. But, there is a way to save yourselves all you need to do is" Suddenly Jigsaw realizes that everyone vanished,

and has appeared behind him. Prompting him to fearfully say. "Y-you wouldn't kill a sweet old man would you?" Five seconds later Jigsaw is plummeting to his death. Cursing our heroes he dives back first into the goo, which proceeds to trap and melt him. As our heroes leave, Hammer lands face first into a nearby ledge in the pit. Happily, he starts to sing and R&B music plays once more. "Oh yeaaaaaah! Mighty smiteeeeer!

You can suck it that's all I can say, you can't get me anyway! I'm way too tough for your dirty tricks and (stops singing and speaks) What the fuck?" Hammer sees the rising goo as the ledge falls apart throwing him into the deadly ooze.

And in Aperture sciences Alias asks GlaDOS "What? No comment?" "Fuck off Alias..."

And back in the deepest part of the catacomb we find Jean-Luc Pikachu fuming over his minions getting easily killed by his sworn nemesi. Which is a real word, look it up. Glowing red with evil power he rages as fire and brimstone spew out of his red cheeks and screams to the roof. After calming down Jean-Luc contacts Freddy and Jason thru telepathy telling them. "Freddy! Jason! Get your hides into the mid boss room, if we are gonna win we are gonna have to do it as a team!" Jason begins to mumble incoherently to which Freddy translates. "Jason is right bub. Besides what happened to Jigsaw?" "dead." "Heart attack JL?" "They threw him two hundred feet into a pool of deadly toxic waste." "Chucky?" "Dragged off to be killed." "(worried tone) Pinhead?" "Who the hell cares about Pinhead? He died too by the way, burnt to cinders. Now go or suffer my wrath, kachu." Jason mumbles worriedly with Freddy answering "Don't worry bub, I've got a plan.

And so we come back to our heroes who are now reaching the catacombs stumbling into a laboratory with a bed in the corner and a complicated machine whose form can only be described as the teleporting machine from the movie The fly. "So we now have to go thru a lab?" comments Tieria continuing with "So who is the next 80's piece of crap we are gonna horribly murder?" Then a noise from across the room is heard when a small girl in a frilly pink dress falls on her ass. Complete with pink hair with red ribbons and gold eyes she rubs her head complaining. "OW! That hurts!" As she looks around she finds our heroes pointing at her enough guns to fill a military base leaving her screaming. "Wha-wha-what do ya want?" Athrun yells out "So our next enemy is the children of the corn!" Shinn continues with "Lets kill her!"

Suddenly Freddy jumps out yelling. "No she isn't! We are the enemy! Me and Jason over there!" Jason visibly freaked out mumbles angrily to Freddy pushing him around. Freddy pushes him back commenting

"Look bub I'm not letting a little girl from a story written in 1977 steal MY shtick!" Jason mumbles angrily again "I know the movie was made in 84 but it doesn't count." And suddenly the start going at each other fighting with all their might. Hammer suddenly drops down and smashes Freddy flat to which Jason capitalizes, going to kill them both with a sizable machete, when Soma, Yoko and Alucard use their powers to blow up Jason to the amazement of everyone. As the trio help Hammer up he comments "Thank you children!" "Nice to see you again Hammer" "Same here Soma, anyways this situation deserves a song"

And so once more, music plays in the castle. This time an instrumental to Micheal Jackson's thriller "I'm gonna make love! Even when I'm dead! My body might get cold, but its always hot in my bed. Make love!

Don't be afraid. Just because my heart ain't beating, don't mean you wont get laid!" Suddenly a werewolf grabs Hammer and carries him away and disappears with the sound of a snapping neck.

"crap..." muttered Alucard quietly while Yoko looked at Freddy giving him a look over saying. "Looks like Hammer crushed Freddy to death." Shinn then looked at the little girl and yelled out "Die child of the corn!" To whom she commented "My name is Madoka! Madoka Kaname! And..." Suddenly she is interrupted by Tails doll's magic missile. "Yeah, can you feel the sunshine?" Madoka barely avoiding the shot freezes up and starts to cry with great might.

Back in the catacombs Jean-Luc angrily fumes "FUCK! They are all dead! And how do you kill Jason? I mean, besides from making Jason X!

And in the hall after the lab we find our heroes calming Madoka down eating some panko given to her by Kira. "Have you calmed down now?" commented Kira "Anyway sorry about the whole children of the corn thing." Shinn then commented "Yeah, still I'm surprised that a goddess is actually here." Madoka explains "Yes, well its just that the other world is pretty boring, and being the goddess of magical girls is kinda lonely, (saddened tone) not to mention Kyuubei..." Shinn asks "Why are you worried about that guy? If ANYONE in your show could handle themselves it would be furry Lucifer." As Madoka finishes the panko and everyone prepares for battle when Igor comments "The evil force is getting stronger Igor says. We must go Igor says." "Thanks for the reminder Igor, ugh, this is a mess master Dracula will not be happy about this shit." As our heroes arm up and prepare for battle with the tune of Kaizokuki wo Agero our heroes unflinchingly walk to their showdown.

"That's more that enough, Lunamaria! Ready?" Commandingly commented Athrun only to be surprised at seeing Jean Luc Pikachu. "What are you doing here?" He comments in shock as everyone else looks on in surprise Kira exclaiming "Its Pikachu! How cute!" Kira runs to hug when suddenly a demonic shadow arm grabs him, squeezes him out cold, and slams him into a wall. Death yells out "What the fuck was that?" Athrun explains "That is the devil worshiping Pikachu from the Easter special. But you're supposed to be dead!" "I was dead, but thanks to that dumb bitch's attempt to revive her lover. I, am free.

And now I am Jean-Luc Pikachu!" Suddenly the entire room burst into giggles then laughter to the anger of Jean-Luc. "What? What's so fucking funny?" Athrun trying to regain his composure said Jean-Luc? Like in Jean-Luc Picard?" "Quiet you! My mother liked Star Trek TNG!" "Tieria then smirkfully said "So your dad went where no man has gone before when she had you?" "Be quiet! How dare you talk about my mother!

She was a saint! She only had sex with one demon from hell, she made it so!" As our heroes blurt out into greater laughter Jean-Luc angry as hell unleashes his satanic might upon our heroes shooting blood red lightning into all directions trapping our heroes, smashing them around and tossing them away. "Now Athrun, you have no one to save you now! You should have taken up my offer and become the Anti-Christ last Easter but you didn't and look at you know. Now you lie at my mercy like a little bitch, like Wesley Crusher! Bwahaha!" Then out of nowhere Kira rushes and punches out Jean-Luc following with a crazy combo of plows that left the demonic Pokemon staggered and shocked. Kira now with his eyes glowing with a galaxy in his pupils leaves Jean-Luc shocked muttering "A newtype? It can't be..." only to be punched in the face once more, knocking out a tooth.

'That's it!" Jean-Luc yells out as he fires off a blood red aura worthy of DBZ "EVERYONE DIES!" Suddenly Jean-Luc catches a holy hand grenade which explodes in a dramatic fashion, tossed by Athrun who comments "Oh Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade, that with it Thou mayest blow thine enemies into tiny bits, in Thy mercy." To which Jean Luc comes out unscathed minus half his face which have been blown up into crap. "Its on now bitch! Eat death!" Jean-Luc fires a large blast from his body to which Tails doll block with reflega, bouncing back the blast which he blows up with a demonic iron tail, launching into a volt tackle which breaks reflega knocking down Tails doll who gets caught by Yoko while Soma and Alucard jump into the fray. Soma with dual Desert eagle handguns and Alucard with his sword.

Fiercesome blows which Jean-Luc deflects and dodges, shooting off a red thunder attack which knocks them back severely. Shinn fires off his Gadelaza while Madoka, borrowing Shinn's Alpha Aizeru start wailing on the villain with arrays of missiles and all range attacks with Shinn chanting out fire with increasing manicness. Impressed Madoka compliments Shinn "That was pretty good Shinn." "Don't underestimate me little girl,

for I am Shinn Asuka the evangelist of Firo the fire god of the fire. No evil rat powered by a false god will stop me!" A giant hyper beam rushes out tearing apart the Gadelaza followed by an ice beam that freezes all of Madoka's funnels, followed by another hyper beam which tears off a good chunk of the armor causing her to bail and ready her bow with the complain of "Hey you! Pikachu can't use those attacks in the game!"

To which Jean-Luc responds with a thunder which strikes Madoka dead on knocking her out.

As our heroes regroup we find Death and Igor with the Necronomicon preparing a ritual with Igor commenting "They are being owned royally Igor says." Death responds with "You're right we need to save Mr. Kira, here it is luv the ritual to revive Dracula. Lets see here... Oh give me what I want... What I really, really want... Tell me what you want... What you really, really want... I wanna revive Dracula, I wanna revive Dracula,

I wanna revive Dracula, what I really, really want." "That's it Igor says?" "Yeah, weird... You would think that an ancient Eldritch tome would do something right away." "Toy robot Igor says!" "Yeah, that's nice Igor, but what about Mr. Kira and his friends? They are getting slaughtered over there and, why is blood coming out of that robot?" Suddenly the robot explodes knocking all away, revealing the lord of all monsters, Dracula. "Thank you Death my old friend, now to punish the fools who sealed me away." As our heroes look on Madoka comments to Athrun "Maybe we should leave..." As Athrun, Kira, Shinn and Tieria all agree and sneak off quietly while Dracula rants on unintelligibly.

Outside the sky is darkening but surprisingly the ZAFT roader is working again as our heroes leave we hear Athrun commenting. So well drop you off at the next town so Tieria can contact Celestial Being,

is that okay Madoka?" "Thank you Athrun and everyone else too." Tieria wondering asked "Wonder how the other Meisters are doing?" Kira answered with "Don't worry Tieria. The Meisters are all right, they're tough after all." "Yes, you are right."

Meanwhile in Section six HQ or its smoldering ruins to be precise. We find the other Meisters and Graham Aker along with their suits in a busted heap. Allelujah yelling out "Finally its over!" Soma commenting "Yes, that rapist girl really packs a punch. Makes me wonder WHY did we have to get involved." Lockon commented "When we find Tieria I'm gonna kick his ass..." And then all parties including Setsuna and Graham

nod in agreement.

**To be continued. **


	26. Road trip 4: For something different

**ZAFT of the radiance:Road trip**

Inside Dr. Weird's laboratory, of course in the South Jersey coast. We find Geno looking at Dr. Weird in a cheap Batman cowl which barely fits his domed head. Geno annoyed asks "Who are you supposed to be?" Weird responds with "I... am the goddamn Batman!"

**Season 2 Chapter 4: For something different**

**Written by GLaDOS**

This time we focus on Lalah Sune and Stellar Louisser as the duo prepares to follow after ZAFT in a used car shop. Looking at the sleazy bow tied slick black haired salesman he comments "Greetings ladies,

how can I help you today?" Lalah asks "Say, you got any of those special vans would you?" The salesman becoming suspicious of his clients asks "What's the password?" Lalah looks confused as Stellar blurts out "Zebra!" Preparing a revolver behind him the salesman then asks "You guys wouldn't happen to be... cops... would you?" Stellar the says "Nope!" "Okay! Just come round the back!" The salesman concludes as he hides his gun again.

Round the back we find our heroines marveling at the van they are being shown. Physically it is derived from a Lublin III van but with a GN drive in the front and several verniers underneath it is deep olive green and seemed to be quite sturdy. "It is a special custom build, 12V GNT engine, energy reflective and reinforced durasteel armor plating, enhanced suspension, runs, electronic countermeasures, a small pair of front firing 15mm vulcan guns with a 500 bullet ammo capacity, and XL satellite radio compatibility. All very useful, except the satellite radio thing, because nobody hears that stuff." Lalah after hearing the salesman comments "Who would need all that stuff?" With Stellar barely containing her excitement chirping out "We would, after all we are going after Shinn-kun and the others, right?" Lalah sighing and mulling for a few brief moments relents and asks for the price of the van.

As the two girls drive off with their newest purchase the salesman counts the $5,000 in cash he got for the sale commenting "The mob sure is good for business." as he enters the office where he is met by Asuka Langley Soryu and a mysterious figure in a red hood. "Hello ladies what can I do for you?" Asuka asks "Say, you got any of those special vans would you?" "I am afraid I just ran out and...

(with a worried expression and tone) What did you say miss?" The hooded figure then reveals herself, Lacus Clyne former love interest of Kira Yamato turned evil kingpin of crime. With a face and tone of eerie calm and serenity she comments in a gentle tone. "You made me very displeased you know." Lacus continued talking as she puts the fear of god into the salesman as she suddenly gazes a eerie gentle stare keeping her calm composure and tone as she strangles the salesman with one hand. "Now, will you please tell me what happened after all we wouldn't want to get Mr. Pink involved in this, do we?" Lacus lets go as the salesman falls down and scuttles into a corner in fear. "It was two girls, they were calling each other Lalah and Stellar. One was blond with a blue dress the other one was Indian in appearance in cream robes.

P-please miss Lacus, have mercy." Lacus smiles warmly and tells him no as she pulls out a glok revolver and blows his head open with a well placed bullet. "Well then Asuka, shall we go?" Lacus asks to her as Asuka struggles not to puke in disgust thinking to herself. "How the hell do Rei and Kaworu not flinch when they see this shit?"

Shortly after Lacus and Asuka enter Lacus limousine a ridiculously large hummer limo powered by even a true GN drive, a frightful show of Lacus influence and wealth. Where Kaworu Nagisa in a chaffeur's outfit greets the duo. "Greetings miss Lacus, I suppose the blood in your face dictates that your transaction went south." "Indeed Kaworu. Mr. Pink, get Ribbons on the line and tell Shinji and Rei to prepare a bath."

"Haro hears and obeys meatbag." "I'm actually jealous of you Asuka, you got to witness such wonderful carnage." "Shut up Kaworu!"

At that time in Pink castle 2 Terminal's and by extension Lacus headquarters of evil a giant floating fortress in the vein of Pink castle only with steeper walls and a large beam cannon based inside the eponymous giant pink Haro face covering the front of the castle. As we go inside we find Ribbons Almark's lair a high tech and creepy place that can be described as a place of clockwork and gears, with sterile utilitarian white walls all around. Large numbers of computers auto calculating without end as pipes full of orange goo flow. The leitmotif for the A-Laws blares through the area, seemingly out of thin air just like whenever Ribbons walks into a room, and we see him completing the call from his master. "So that little girl requires me to create something to track those two down... interesting..." muses Ribbons as he activates his monster creation program.

Shinji Ikari and Rei Ayanami are watching ribbons work with Rei in her typical stoic pose and Shinji slouched in a spare chair both wearing a respective maid and butler uniform. Rei asks "Why didn't miss Lacus just call on the other guys? Shinji answering with "Scirocco's crew? They are busy with something else." Ribbons adds "Yes, miss Lacus is still rather displeased about their bumbling. Anyways you two should head back to prepare the bath." The duo of Shinji and Rei agree and leave the lab.

As the door closes Ribbons confident grin turns to anger and the A-Laws theme becomes more sinister loses the chant and more string based in tone as he fumes "That bitch thinks she has me held down, but one day I will once more rise to the top. After all superior beings like myself should not have to obey dumb little princesses who only do this for their own amusement. Oh yes the AT fiend is ready, welcome to the world Ose."

A humanoid creature with a panther's head gray plate armor and a long pale green scarf of medium build appears from a steam filled chamber roaring and stomping his feet with might.

"Now AT fiend Ose go get those girls."

Outside the lab in a hallway Shinji and Rei are walking to the bathroom to prepare it Rei wondering asks Shinji "Do you believe Ribbons can be trusted?" With a grim look he comments "No, he is up to something, that's why we need to watch him closely. For miss Lacus sake." "You've changed Shinji, become more determined. So has Asuka, and Kaworu, are all of you...?" "You don't understand Rei, for the better part of twenty years I was wandering WTFspace, the border between this world, and the other one where none of this is real. You could say a place of imagination in a sense, with only Kaworu's damn ghost haunting me during my travels. And then when I finally am freed I have to pilot under Asuka and Unit 01 got turned into something out of Tiger and Bunny." "And then came the crash right..." Rei continued

"And how we had no money to pay for Asuka's recovery and she was too banged up to be put into prostitution to cover the costs."

The two flash back to the hospital that day when Lacus hired them on It was shortly after she became evil and megalomaniacal. Asuka was bedridden, her arms and legs forcibly amputated and unable to afford either stem cell regeneration or cyborging complaining "Idiot! What am I supposed to do?! I'm gonna be stuck as this for the rest of my life! DO SOMETHING!" Shinji, haunted by Kaworu and at the limit of his patience snapped yelling "SHUT UP! Maybe this is divine punishment for you! SHUT UP GHOST OF KAWORU!" Rei then enters the hospital along with a figure in a familiar red hood. "Hey bitches! I found the answer to our problems!" Asuka cynically and exasperatedly barked out "And what does the girl with a Mr. coffee for a brain have now?! Is this another stint at prostitution?! Rei sarcastically comments "Guro fetishist money is as good as any other money. (slipping into a polite tone) Anyway, this is Lacus Clyne and she has an offer for us." Lacus smiling began with "I want you to please work under me! I can help you get better and its not like you have anywhere else to go with the disappearance of that Dick Cheney guy and Halliburton's collapse." Asuka suspicious asked "Why do you need us anyway?" "Well Asuka I am making a criminal empire

and I need muscle to do so. I can get rid of the ghost Shinji is suffering from..." Shinji immediately cuts off Lacus to say "I'm in!" Asuka angrily yells out "WHAT!? Say something Rei!" Rei tells Asuka

"I already agreed to her offer." "WHAT!? but... but... (regaining composure) What would happen if I refuse?" Lacus calmly pulls out a remote and flips a switch electrocuting Asuka from the inside. She then tells her

"Silly girl you have no choice in the matter." "Help me you morons!" Asuka pleaded as she yelled and convulsed in pain until Lacus turned off the device, leaving her stunned in her bed. Shinji refuses with a simple no leaving Asuka all the more hurt.

"You're right we were helped out by miss Lacus..." Commented Rei with a sad look "Except Asuka..." "But she still can walk now with the cyborging she went thru. Anyway Rei were here. Lets go..." "Right Shinji."

Back to Lalah and Stellar, we find them at Stellar's house along with her roommates Sting Oakley and Auel Neider preparing for the trip." Sting and Lalah are carrying the last pair of boxes as he asks her

"Are you sure you want Stellar to come with you? She isn't exactly very disciplined you know." Lalah responds with "True, but she is really sweet and we don't have to worry about her wondering off and you getting trapped in boxes." Sting becomes catatonic at remembering the time when he and Auel were trapped in boxes and forgotten for several months in a G.I Joe carrier, finally landing in Afghanistan where they were shot and bombed, later they were kidnapped by BOZO and used as drug mules until finally escaping Afghanistan by killing their handlers with makeshift knifes and begins to weep in trauma. "Are you okay Sting?"

"Yes I-i-i'm fine..." As they talk out of the bushes comes out the AT fiend Ose, lunging straight towards Lalah at breakneck speed only to be countered with an Atatatatatata! Accompanied by a Hokuto Hyakuretsu Ken, which quickly destroys Ose exploding him into orange blooded pieces with the consistency of chunky salsa raining relentlessly on Sting's front yard. "Sorry about your yard Sting." "Meh, Auel can clean it up."

Back at Pink castle, primarily Ribbons lab. We find him viewing his creations defeat in utter shock muttering "What. The. Fuck? How did a girl just kill the crap of my creation?" While the A-Laws tune was played thru a trombone. "Well at least Lacus didn't see this mess." "Saw what Ribbons?" Lacus asked as Ribbons stopped in shock and fear stuttering madly, trying to construct an excuse to which Lacus smiled and snapped her fingers as two guards in black grabbed Ribbons and dragged him away screaming and kicking. "My, my, what a strong girl. She would be a good match for Kira. Anyway time to kill the bitch, Kaworu if you please."

Suddenly Kaworu appears behind Lacus saying "Yes miss Lacus..." Before disappearing ninja style. Lacus then exhales deeply and mutters to herself "And now to laugh evilly..."

Meanwhile in a completely unrelated plot point in Anaheim, California. We find ourselves in a bus station where the Puella Magi, Sayaka Miki, Kyoko Sakura, Mami Tomoe, Homura Akemi, and now aided by a small girl in green with cat ears and a staff named Yuma Chitose. Sayaka exhausted along with everyone else complains out loud "Man! Another town, another failure! How long are we gonna keep doing this? Homura rubs her temples visibly annoyed at Sayaka "Just be quiet, This whole mess was YOUR idea anyways. The only reason that you aren't alone and dead in a ditch in the bad part of Fresno is because Mami has abandonment issues, Yuma is Kyoko's charge, and Kyoko is gay for you!" Sayaka upset argues "What are you talking about? And what about you? You aren't exactly the most gung-ho for revenge person out there.

So what brings you here?!" Homura looks down at the floor quietly muttering "I'm looking for someone." Mami sitting next to the duo tries to defuse the situation. "Everyone relax!

We aren't gonna find Kyubey like this." Kyoko and Yuma meanwhile are reading local magazines as they notice and point to an announcement in a page Kyoko saying "Look at this! fortune teller Crystal Man.

We find your shit guaranteed or your money back." Yuma then adds "Let's go before Mami dies and I have to put her back together again!" To which Mami awkwardly smiles in agreement while internally musing

"That little brat! I'm gonna beat her ass with a tire iron someday." And thus the Puella Magi set off to locate this fortune teller.

In the other side of the station we find Zafira in his wolf form and Erio Mondal two of the recently appointed "Find the Puella Magi with haste so that they may be executed swiftly task force" members looking at a map of the local area. Erio can barely hold the map and comments. "Why are we even here Zafira? I really don't think Shamal should have sent us to do this!" Zafira comments "Does it matter? After all its not like Bakura can do much in battle. Besides I would rather be here than anywhere near when she is eating. NOBODY should get orgasms from eating steak. (shudders)" "What happened to your Scooby Doo voice anyway?"

"It was dumb Erio so the authors stopped using it. Hmm... Fortune teller Crystal man..." "Should we go Zafira?"

As we head to Crystal man's house of prophecy we find Erio on the rooftops stalking the Puella Magi with his rocket/spear/thing Strada on one hand and a high powered sniper rifle on the other one, along with Zafira behind him asking reluctantly "Why are we using a gun anyway? We are magicians after all." With Erio answering "It'll work Zafira! After all camping doesn't get abused in Call of Duty for nothing! I can see it now...

(fantasizing in chibi form) I will shoot down those girls with my sniper rifle to destroy their soul gems one by one until they go down. The top brass will be so happy they will say. This is all thanks to Eiro Mondal!

Lets give him a big promotion and transfer him away from section six." "Hey Bullseye! They're getting away!" yelled Zafira as Erio woke up. "And leave your boss fantasies for later!" Erio in the shock loses his grip firing off randomly hitting a nearby window, a bunch of pots, a car engine, and finally Zafira's right eye. As Zafira yells and withers from the pain transforming into human mode, a large muscular dog eared man, in rage. Clutching his bloodied eye with one hand and taking Erio's gun smashing him in the balls causing him to keel over where Zafira strips and rams the rifle up Erio's ass with him yelling "Oh Jesus! Please don't kill me Zafira! I'm sorry! Strada, HELP ME!" "Why should someone from the master race obey you? I still must kill the heathen intelligent devices." "(holding back tears) Don't do this to me Strada!"

In that instance the other Wokenritter, Sigmun, Vita, and Shamal, Sigmun says in a command tone "Calm down Zafira! We need him alive, after all he is paying dinner for this screw up." Zafira backs down and goes back to his blue wolf form with Sigmun asking Shamal "Bakura, can you heal Zafira?" To which Shamal nods and goes to Zafira to heal him while Vita goes to Erio and takes the rifle off Erio's ass commenting

"Well you did a number on Zafira, anyway we'll take care of this so take a break. But after this is done you're going into the happy fun-time behavioral correction room for three days." Vita then walks away as tears and urine flow from under Erio as he falls unconscious.

Some time later the Puella magi arrive at Crystal man's house of fortune telling, where they meet Crystal man, a robot master whom kinda looks like a clear blue ninja covered in balls... seriously... "Ah, ladies come in! I have been expecting you." Crystal man commented at the amazed girls with the exception of Homura who just stands there stoically. "So you are looking for a Kyubey fellow aren't you?" Sayaka blurts out in amazement "Yes! How do you know?" "Fifty bucks..." Mutters Crystal man to the group which looks quizzically prompting him to add "My fee..." Sayaka then flips out yelling "FIFTY BUCKS?! This is extortion dammit! Kyoko, pay him..." Kyoko comments "Sorry I'm out, what about you Mami?" "Sorry, I'm broke too. I don't suppose Yuma has anything on her?" "Not me, I got nothing. We already spent all our funds on the bus trip anyway." As the group collectively sighs Homura pulls out a fifty dollar bill and puts it on the table saying "This should cover it." As Crystal man takes the bill and stores it the rest of the group look at Homura with teary anime eyes about to cry in gratitude. Something that annoys Homura visibly whom quietly mutters. "There's no need for this..." Crystal man pulls out a crystal globe along with a computer keyboard and mouse and mutters. "Oh mighty Google! Use your powers to find the proper blogsite so we may discover the future of this girls." After making a browser screech for several seconds the info appears in

heavy spoiler tags and Crystal man uses his mouse to pass thru them. "It seems your next stop is in New York city, and the blond girl will die in a short while." Mami then asks "What do you mean I will..."

A huge explosion rocks the entrance to the store taking with it the door, windows and wall of the building. And in the shadow four figures appear yelling out. "I am the knight of the sword, the mighty general of fire. Sigmun!" "Knight of the crimson hammer, the unbreakable iron count. Vita!" "I am the knight of the lake, the maiden of the healing wind. Shamal!" "And I am the shielding blue beast, guardian beast of steel, Zafira!"

"We are the swirling clouds that gather across the night sky, Kishi Sentai (ass kicking poses) Wokenritter! (explosions)

As everyone else lies in shock and Crystal man collapsed under rubble. Mami asks defiantly "Who are you people?!" Only for a japanese toku song to start playing in the background. Causing Vita to lunge out yelling "Lets go Graf Eisen!" and with Graf Eisen who changes into gigant mode yelling "Suck my Sauerkraut!" Striking Mami right on top of her head crushing her skull flat causing many bits of Mami's head to splatter across the floor dropping dead. As the manly voice of Masaki Endoh begins to sing the Wokenritter theme song "Kishi Sentai Wokenritter" Kyoko yells "Oh my god! You killed Mami!" With Shamal adding "Vita! That was a really bastard thing to do!" "What do you want?!" Kyoko angrily yells at the group to which Sigmun responds "We have orders from general Q.B. Ey to stop you terrorists. Surrender or suffer our wrath!" Both sides prepare for battle, Kyoko starting out by plunging her spear into the ground causing it to sprout out in its snake form which leads the Wokenritter to scatter and Kyoko to yell out "That little white prick! I can't believe he sicked the Federation military on us!" Sayaka yelled out "What the fuck?!" and in a louder and more freaked out voice "THE MILITARY!?" Kyoko continues with "Yeah, Special section 6 the Federation's elite magical incident situation response group. They get used against groups like the Negaverse!" The Puella magi look in shock as the Wokenritter counterattack, Sigmun launches her Hiryu issen,

Vita her Schwallbeflegien, and Zafira uses his Shugo no kiboshi in a coordinated attack striking the surviving four girls, with Kyoko and Sayaka dodging, Yuma blocking and Homura getting blown back crashing her into the rear of the store. Sayaka yells out "Damnit!" and Yuma grabs begins to strike the ground with her hammer staggering the Wokenritter causing them to go into the air and Sayaka launches a large number of swords which are blocked by Shamal who fires out a large barrier who brags "Sorry wankers, but it'll take more than that to stop us." And then the remaining three Wokenritter split up to flank their foes. Sigmun to the left against Yuma, Sigmun to the right and towards Sayaka and Zafira above going behind Kyoko quickly going into human mode and punching Kyoko in the back and spin kicking her into the ground smashing into the broken front wall. Yuma shocked and scared tries to head to Kyoko and is intercepted by Vita who begins to clash hammer and staffs with Yuma. Sigmun powered toward Sayaka who tries to block Sigmun's sword only to shatter with ease. Forcing her into the defensive only to be caught by Shamal's commandment chain spell, letting Sigmun get close charging up several cartridges and igniting her sword smashing her into Sayaka's head knocking her out cold. Meanwhile Vita is on the offensive striking with Graf Eisen and finishing with a flying bicycle kick into Yuma who is staggered and thrown across the room and firing off a Raketenhammer attack which smashes out Yuma's kitty staff and bash Yuma into a wall throwing her into the curb and into a parking meter. "As the Wokenritter stand down Sigmun comments "Good job guys,

lets put them in cuffs and... Suddenly all four defeated magical girls disappear instantly to the surprise of their victorious foes. Zafira commented "Not good we must have missed the time traveler..."

With Shamal adding "This isn't good! We wrecked this place!" Sigmun says "Yes, lets get out of here before the police gets here." Then they are hit with crystal shots when they notice a very angry Crystal man and police beginning to swarm with guns drawn around the building causing the foursome to drop their weapons and raise their hands in surrender. Shamal finishing by saying "Wow! I'm impressed by their response..."

And Sigmun replying "Shut up Bakura."

In an alley several blocks away of the mayhem we see Homura who has rescued the battered and beaten three girls and dead fourth. "Good were safe now Homura commented while Sayaka complained

"Shit! Shit! Shit! Couldn't you have done something Homura?!" "You know as well as I do Sayaka Miki that they had the element of surprise in their hands. And if they are from the military we don't have much of a hope against them. Unlike us they are genuine magicians and aren't limited by the Puella magi system." Sayaka sighs with Kyoko commenting "So now what? Do we go to New York or what? Sayaka hits the floor with her palm and yells out "We are going! We didn't come all the way from Japan to stop now! We are going and that's that! Yuma fix up Mami because were going to the big apple!" As everyone minus Homura goes to Mami's remains Homura barely hiding her contempt ponders. "This is ridiculous! I'm here to find Madoka, and instead I'm stuck saving Sayaka Miki. I guess I'll tag along for now at least until we reach New York."

Back in Beverly Hills we find Lalah and Stellar in Lalah's store just finishing the locking of the store. Stellar is giddy and jumping around exclaiming "This is so cool! Going on an adventure with Lalah-oneechan to find Shinn-kun." Lalah then added "Yup, the Elmeth 2 wont let us down that's for sure!" "I wonder if Sting and Auel will miss us Lalah-oneechan?"

And in the extendeds house... Sting and Auel are having a party in celebration of our heroes leaving complete with salsa music and booze. Auel yells out "This is great! Now we can get real booze in the house!

Let's get fucking wasted!" Sting agreeing says "Yes, to finally having some peace and quiet! Cheers!"

**To be continued**


	27. Road trip 5: Setsuna

**ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip**

"Its been a long time old friend..." "Its you huh? What do you want huh?" "As you know you are here in Gamindustri due to you exploding along with that missile. The missile had a faulty singularity warhead which transported you thru time and space." "Why are you bringing up this ancient crap?" "Saturn is in danger and we at the guild cannot rescue her alone. We need your help... Segata Sanshiro..."

_A legendary martial arts master... Renowned by all for his feats of sheer badassery... So awesome he caused eyes to explode due to the sheer epicness of his presence... He heroically fell in battle in the defense of Sega... long forgotten by the world he now lives in the planet Gamindustri... He is... Segata Sanshiro! _

**Segata Sanshiro returns**

Segata Sanshiro a muscular Japanese man of some age with an afro-ish hairdo wearing casual clothes is revealed next to Blast a young girl with a long fused shaped ponytail, large glasses, and a commando suit with a skirt and pants from the guild. Blast goes to Segata and puts the orders shes been given in a small table behind Segata commenting "The operation begins tomorrow, so..." As Blast takes her leave and closes the door Segata looks somberly at the instructions reminiscing about a young girls voice of his past. "Segata Sanshiro, huh? That's kinda sounds like my name right? (worriedly) A-anyways there is no need to worry Gamindustry maybe a little wobbly after the console wars ended, but its still a very nice place. The voice laughs ankwardly as Segata returns to reality blinks and mutters determinately "Don't worry Saturn. I'll save you this time!"

As the theme to Segata Sanshiro, Sega Saturn Shiro begins to play he takes out and puts on his legendary white gi and black belt and yells out "Sega Saturn Shiro!"

**Season 2 Chapter 5: Setsuna's millions**

**Written by GlaDOS**

Before our side plot starts up we find our MAIN heroes the four brave butchers that compose radiant ZAFT or ZAFT of the radiance its pretty much interchangeable and god knows I'M not getting fired by breaking the websites rules so fuck it. As the ZAFT roader is stopped in a gas station in Topeka Kansas, Kira is looking at a map and talking with Athrun "So Kira, you want to go to New York for the superhero convention that's coming up?" "C'mon Athrun, it'll be fun and besides this whole thing was your idea anyways." Athrun obtains immediately a shifty look in his eyes and tells Kira "Ye-yeah okay! After all its not like I'm doing this for reasons like avoiding the creditors! Bwahahahahah!" "Of course not Athrun! You're not the dishonest type!" "Yes! Anyway where are Shinn and TD?" "Getting supplies in the store."

Meanwhile inside the store we find Tails doll keeping Shinn in an ankle lock submission hold with several people watching. "Can you feel the sunshine Shinn? Can you?!" "All right! I get it! I won't burn down the store!" "Yeah, that's right bitch! I'm the goddamn Tails doll goddammit!"

We find ourselves at Tenchu city, the location of one of the three orbital elevators where we see Setsuna F. Seiei looking at a bazaar's wears during a visit to see Saji Crossroad and Louise Halevy. Sitting down in a small bench looking up he sighs and mutters. "Louise sure can give anyone the runaround... I feel bad for Saji..." Looking around he sees a store selling lottery tickets for the Federation big bucks bonanza and walks over to a large crowd asking to a woman "What's going on?" The woman answers "Its the big bucks bonanza young man." "A lottery game?" "Yes, you should try it at least for a laugh. Ho ho ho..." "Why not?"

After buying a ticket Setsuna is met by the doormat-y Saji Crossroad and his girlfriend Louise Halevy. With Louise chipperly shouting out "Setsuna aqui you are! Hey, isn't that a lottery ticket? Let me see!"

Saji trying to stop her mutters "Calm down Louise. Still Setsuna, you do know that the odds of winning the lottery are those of getting attacked by a polar bear and a brown bear simultaneously."

"Add a panda to that one, es a ticket for the big prize en el big bucks bonanza drawing." Said Louise to Saji to which he comments "Whoa, that's the big monthly prize right?" Louise then adds "Correcto! Anyways,

You're not gonna use Veda to trampa are you?" Setsuna annoyed says "Don't be ridiculous. Besides I would get it from Tieria if he found out, he always does by the way..." Saji comments "Anyway lets head back.

We already have everything we need. (looks at a huge bag of Gunpla) And I see you did as well... (exasperated) Seriously Setsuna! You're not made of money! Anyway you'll be leaving tomorrow and the drawing is tonight so lets go."

That night at Saji and Louise's sizable uptown apartment we find our protagonist along with entourage on the large couch and chair set next to the freaking huge TV and entertainment system where the big bucks bonanza drawing is starting. Saji comments "Its beginning everyone." Louise adds "What was Setsuna's lottery number?" Setsuna concludes with "Lets see... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and the bonus is 7." Saji finishes with

"Its starting! Quiet now..." "Greetings I am Ima Penis, and welcome one and all to the Earth Federation's big bucks bonanza. A drawing with a pool an assload of money this month this is bound to be exciting.

The rules are simple enough there are six numbers and a bonus challenge number. These numbers will be selected randomly from a vacuum thing that kinda looks like one of those watercooler jugs that are on office buildings. And the winning number gets the main prize of an assload of money, if there are multiple winners the assload of money will be divided by equal parts. Anyways, lets begin.

Meanwhile outside in the balcony we find member of Jovian, the former Titans squadron after the lawsuit, Jerid Meesa spying at Setsuna and co while hanging on tied from a rubber hose from the floor above.

"All right! I finally found one of the meisters. Now I'll find out what they are up to..."

"And once again the grand prize is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and the bonus is 7" announced Ima Pen is to the amazement of everyone in the room "Oh my god Setsuna!" Exclaimed Saji in amazement "You won! You actually won the lottery!" Louise added "This is magnifico Setsuna!"

"What the hell?! That kid actually won?! Hmmph, guess I'll just kill them and take..." Suddenly Jerid is interrupted by a small skinny and old latino lady above him yelling "Hey you pendejo! Give me back that hose,

or I will kick your ass!" "Yeah, what can a beaner do? Go make some churros or something!" Commented Jerid when angrily with one pull the woman yanked Jerid into her balcony and slam him into the wall.

Jerid suddenly scared starts quivering and mutters. "W-what will you do to me?" "I'm gonna go hardcore on your cracker ass!" Jerid seeing the rage in the lady begins to scream like a girl as the screen fades out.

One massive beating later. Jerid returns to a wrecked shanty where his comrades, Paptimus Scirroco leader of Jovian, Yazan Gable the savage maniac, Sarah Zabiarov the energetic tag along kid, and deadpan snarker Reccoa Londe. With Reccoa looking at Jerid's beaten body blurts out "Goddamn Jerid what happened?!" Jerid meekly reports "A little old lady kicked my ass... And Setsuna F. Seiei just won a huge lottery prize..."

After several minutes of Jerid's teammates laughing uncontrollably at his face until Scirocco regained his composure long enough to say "So the boy has won a huge lottery pot hasn't he?" Yazan comments with random noises which Scirocco translates as "Yes indeed Yazan, we are going to take that money for ourselves and become rich. Rich enough to free us from Lacus Clyne. That and we get to rub it in Setsuna smug prick face. Bwahahahahahaha!" Reccoa in an obviously sarcastic tone adds "Wow Paptimus that is brilliant I don't know what we would do without you?" And Sarah cheerfully tells Reccoa "Now you're getting it Reccoa!

Master Paptimus is a genius! He saved us from that place and now we live to serve him!" Reccoa stupified and annoyed comments "Sarcasm just flies straight above you dosen't it..." To which Sarah responds "BIRDY!" Paptimus then quiets the group with "Okay that's enough everyone lets go to bed early because we have a big day tomorrow." To which the others in unison shout out "Yes sir!"

The next day we find Setsuna, Saji and Louise giving the news to the other members of Celestial Being, understandably they were surprised. "Holy crap! I need a beer to process this, seriously."

Commented Sumeragi on the bridge as she slouches down on her seat while Milena gets her a Coors. "Oh yeah, come to momma." As Sumeragi chugs down the 16 ounce can in five seconds she comments

"Well for now you should wait until we get there, apparently Regene says that Veda found out that Jerid Meesa was spying around here, which means the Jovians are probably up to something. Setsuna asks "So Tieria is still gone huh?" Lasse comments "Yeah he really isn't letting this whole show cancellation thing go."

At that time we find two characters eavesdropping on the situation at hand. Innovades Revive Revival and Healing Care. Quietly Regene mutters to Healing "This is it Healing! Our golden chance to get out of here. With that money we will be able to rebuild our house! This is great! No more cleaning toilets!" Healing adds "No having to live with that crazy cat lady with all the mushrooms!"

Meanwhile in the Los Angeles district of Encino we find the house of the crazy cat lady C.C. Sneezing profusely. Nunnaly asks "Are you alright?" C.C. Blows her nose with a tissue and answers with "I'm fine, I just have this feeling someone is talking about me, stupid Table-kun. Lelouch and Suzaku then appear with all of C.C's cats in tow where Lelouch comments "You do know that "Table-kun" is just a figment of your imagination." C.C. Then squirrely looks at a floating neon table that says "That is bullcrap mah boi! I am real indeed isn't that right President of the United States Ron Paul?" "You said it Table-kun! Now lets get out of Asghaniftan." "NO! Ron Paul will never be president!" C.C. Yells out as all are freaked out with Suzaku muttering "I'll get the Prozac."

Back to Revive and Healing... "Let's go Healing well sneak into the shuttle the meisters pilot and hide in the lockers. Its a brilliant plan! WHAT COULD GO WRONG!" "Oh shit its Anew!" commented Healing as she yanked off Revive who was laughing like a maniac. Anew and Feldt see the abandoned cleaning tools and Anew mutters angrily "Where did those asshats run off to?" And mood swings into a smile and cheerful tone and begins to gossip rapidly with an exhausted looking Feldt.

Later that day the Gundam Meisters Lockon Stratos, Allelujah Haptism and Marie Prefacy meet up with Setsuna, Saji and Louise. Louise runs to Marie happily saying "Somarie!" and they hold hands with Marie saying "Hi Louise! Hows your treatment doing?" As the duo go inside to talk Setsuna asks "I'm surprised the others aren't here with you three." Lockon answers with "Well with the Jovians hanging around Regene is laying low in the Raphael Dominions. And everyone else on standby offshore. Anew seems to be busy looking for Revive and Healing so she can't come either." Allelujah added "I can't believe we let those two inside!" Lockon counters with "Well we owe Regene that much and its better than letting them loose so they can cause trouble. Besides they owe a lot in damages so they cant really go back home after the incident.

Ribbons is also out there and its best if we keep them separate." Allelujah sighs and comments "Fine... Anyway are we all ready to go?"

At that time Jerid and Yazan are hiding in the nearby bushes in the apartments main entrance. Jerid still visibly shaken tells Yazan "Lets go thru the plan again, we hide here until Setsuna comes then we jump him and hack him with your machete Yazan." "Blegh, braa, bhlee, machete." "Indeed Yazan, you will kill those guys once and for all. Now you ARE sure that this is Paptimus idea and not you rushing off to kill people, right?"

Suddenly Yazan jumps out yelling "Bwawawawawa! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!" to panicking masses, brandishing twin machetes with Jerid terrified and thinking "Goddammit Yazan!" As Yazan is tasered to the ground by guards.

"So Taz screwed up huh?" Reccoa muttered as Jerid reported with Sarah telling Reccoa "The Tasmanian devil is also in trouble? Oh no how horrible! We have to do something!" Reccoa annoyed said

"Yes Sarah you gotta save him! You need to go to the zoo, jump into that tiger pit and save that animal by letting yourself be eaten by tigers!" Sarah inspired salutes and yells out "Yes ma'am!" and runs off at top speed while Reccoa laughs her ass off while the real Taz the Tasmanian devil sneaks behind her "That girl is so stupid! I'll never let her have Paptimus!" She looks at Taz and laughs again "And now the real thing is here and is going to eat me!" With Taz joining in with a laugh for several moments until Reccoa double takes and realizes her predicament. "eep..." and begins to flee in terror with Taz in tornado mode following in hot pursuit.

Inside the government offices our heroes are sitting waiting in a room with many chairs with Allelujah reading a gossip magazine with Axel Arma looking on the right side of him and Alchimie on the other side of Allelujah playing with a 3DS. Axel asks "So why are you here?" Allelujah answers with "Waiting for Setsuna to finish his paperwork so we can get the assload of money from the lottery." Alchemie asks "Your name is it spelled Allelujah or Alellujah anyway?" GlaDOS appears on the next row of chairs with Lockon, Marie, and Louise next to her responding with "I don't really care stupid writing software doesn't bother to correct the name. Do you have ANY idea on how many misspell marks are in this file because of the crappy spell check function?" Louise and Marie look on and notice the typo markings Louise comments "That is mucho." GlaDOS comments "Indeed, by the way you Axel, what are you doing here? You should be laying low until the next season." Alchemie answers with "Do we need to answer that? If you are an author you should know." Kyuubey then shows up sitting in another chair next to Saji who is next to Louise who explains "They aren't from this world from what I can tell they are like Char Aznable and Lalah Sune. Somehow they were sucked into this world by some accident." Saji asks Kyuubey "Why are you revealing this?" "Well Saji, at this rate this is just gonna be another dropped storyline like Yzak and Dearka over there..." Cut to Yzak Joule and Dearka eating hoagies and Dearka saying "What? Smoking weed burns calories ya know." Aliastheabnormal, also there eating a Snickers bar, continues on "And Tails doll's origin so why not? And now for something completely random."

KING RAAAAAAMSEEEEESSSSS! The man in gauze! The man in gauze! RAAAAAAMSEEEESSSS! The man in gauze! The man in gauze! RAAAAAAMSEEEEESSSSS! The man in gauze! The man in gauze! "Make it stop!"

Meanwhile inside The O Paptimus personal mobile suit, said Paptimus after finally gathering his beaten subordinates and Sarah who now has a tiger following her around. Pretty much says "Stealth isn't really working so fuck it. We'll just kill the meisters, steal the ticket, and cash it in somewhere else. The O launch!" As the O launches readying its beam rifle it is cut off by a large particle shot revealing a speeding

CB-002/GD Raphael Dominions Gundam. Paptimus could barely dodge and scream "Dammit! How dare you interfere Tieria Erde!" "Sorry, but Tieria is too busy to deal with you. I am temporary Gundam Meister Regene Regetta." "Oh for the love of fuck! How many Meisters do you freaks have hidden?! First the Ptolemy people, then the Trinity people, Fehreste, that Fon, Foon, whatever his name is! And now you!

What is this supposed to be Gundam SEED destiny?!"

Back at the office building we find Setsuna meeting with everyone, his meeting done and accounts settled. And how can a supposed terrorist militia have bank accounts AND direct deposit arrangements is a mystery for future episodes. Setsuna notices something and tells the group "Crap, Paptimus is outside, and breaking kayfabe like nobodies business." Sumeragi then appears on the comm link commenting "The Gundams are underway. And try to keep damage to a minimum this time..."

Meanwhile back at Paptimus freakout... "Seriously! Five ancient sages of bitch went up to the top of mount bitch to proclaim your groups birth! And then 500 years later, when all the bitch stars were aligned, you people were born to make my life a living hell because you are such bitches! (pants)" Regene bluntly asked "Are you done?" To which Paptimus nodded yes, and with a good Regena used his GN bazooka to blow up The O's legs crashing him into the office building wrecking it completely as the other Gundams were readying themselves. An act which left everyone in the Ptolemy's bridge, Gundams and more face palming themselves."

That night in the Ptolemaious. Everyone in Celestial Being is at the mess hall having takeout pizza for dinner, including Saji, Louise and even the authors. Sumeragi said to everyone "Well, easy come, easy go.

Most of the money is being used to repair the wrecked building since the guy who owned didn't have Mobile suit attack insurance. But at least we aren't stuck rebuilding like Paptimus Scirocco is. And at least we could splurge on dinner, so, lets eat!" As everyone eats and shoots the breeze Lockon asks Anew "Where are Revive and Healing?" With Allelujah adding "Yeah you would think they would be here since we run them like slaves all day." Anew responded with "I knew I forgot something..."

Meanwhile in the shuttle lockers Revive and Healing are stuck inside two of them. "How long are we going to be here Revive?" "Seriously Healing this is the 43rd time you asked. Still you would think that this ship would have better locker maintenance." "Revive, I need to pee..." "You damn better hold it in Healing! I am not cleaning pee from a locker!" "Too late..."

**To be continued...**


	28. Road trip 6: Jenova

**ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip**

_A legendary martial arts master... Renowned by all for his feats of sheer badassery... So awesome that he can challenge Chuck Norris and win... He heroically fell in battle in the defense of Sega... long forgotten by the world he now lives in the planet Gamindustri... He is... Segata Sanshiro! _

**Segata Sanshiro returns.**

Segata Sanshiro walks into a bar where she goes to meet Blast who is in a corner looking at the masses. "So, you're here Sanshiro." "Yes Blast. Now tell me what you know." "Well, we're going up against the Calamitous organized command Kerberos." "So the COCK people" "Indeed although they prefer to be called the Kerberos group. But yes the COCK people." Blast gives Segata a folder containing several pictures. Among them a guy in shadow, with a noticeable poofy haircut not unlike one found on a french aristocrat back in the day. "His name is Jade, a former aristocrat of Leanbox. He was cast out when he got busted for trying to overthrow the Basilicom. Apparently fronting the Lastation group Avenir to design killbots." A strange orange red nosed "thing" That looks like a cross between a dog, a bull, a clown, and has the body shape of a pair of dentures and considerable girth. "That guy is Trick the hard. An infamous CFW and one of COCK's big movers since he managed to move ASIC assets into the group. The guy is a hideous sick pedophile, and NOBODY will mind if you shoot him in "self defense." Papa Smurf... nuff said "Seriously Blast, Smurfs?" "Yes, they have a huge smuggling ring that covers several hundred planets. Ever heard about the

Vegas nuke? When Las Vegas got blown up?" "I heard about it in CNN earth" "Well those people are wanted for causing the whole mess. Anyway, your job is first to find and kill those three marks, especially Trick." "Why kill them? And why are you so..." Segata turns to see a seething Blast muttering "How dare that bloated bastard call me old. Killkillkillkillkillkilltheb astard..."

**Season 2 Chapter 6: Jenova's witnesses **

After two chapters of other cast members getting the spotlight we find our heroes almost at New York, mainly in Atlantic city, New Jersey. We find our heroes in a graveyard where Shinn Asuka is placing flowers on a large tombstone along with our other heroes. Shinn pensively comments "Its been eight years since I've been in Jersey. Ever since my folks died..." Kira putting his hand on Shinn right shoulder asks

"Didn't you have a little sister as well?" Shinn answers with "Mayu huh? I haven't talked to her ever since the casinos chased you out." An old male raccoon in a gray jumpsuit walks up to the four with flowers as well Shinn recognized him quickly. "Old man Buzz!" Athrun asked "Friend of yours?" "Yeah guys, he used to take care of me and Mayu when we were little before I left for boarding school." Buzz commented in amazement "Shinn, I'm so glad to see you again. (sob)" Shinn said to him "I know, anyways these are my friends Kira Yamato, Athrun Zala and Tails and Cream doll. Huh? Where is TD?" Tails doll is looking to the horizon into the city muttering "Can you feel the sunshine?" "Oi TD! Say hello to the old man!" Shinn yelled out which snapped Shinn out of his trance. He went to the group commenting "There is a dark power in the east of the city." Buzz sadly explained to the group. "Yes, that's the Jenovas witnesses church over there." Athrun commented "Those crazies?" And Buzz continued "Indeed, but lately they have been planning something big." Shinn asked nervously "How is Mayu doing?" Buzz instantly saddened explains "Mayu is with those people." Shinn instantly freaks out and yells to Buzz "What do you mean?!"

Athrun forced to intercede asks."Shinn calm down." Buzz then says "No this is my fault. Shinn and Mayu were really close when they were children. Both of you were interested in the paranormal as well, and she wanted to be a researcher. But then the fire happened when these two were invoking demons. The fire killed Shinn and Mayu's parents and the two were separated." Shinn continued with "I was sent to New York where I met Sting, Auel and Stellar. In order to purge my "Satanic tendencies" Buzz continued on with "And Mayu was kept by myself. I tried to raise her, but she was devastated at losing you Shinn and fell into their crowd. OH! Why couldn't she have joined a normal religion like Haruhism, or voodoo? You know that doll looks kinda familiar..." Tails doll comments "Yes, I also feel like we met before. And this city as well..."

As our heroes get in the car with Shinn in the back, the pyro begins to reminisce. "I was born and raised here in Jersey. Lived pretty well as well, my folks were involved in the casinos dealing with money. I grew up with those things, and learned all the tricks of the trade. I probably got good at math and card counting. I was also close to my sister, Mayu Asuka. I still remember that day..." In this flashback we find a younger Shinn and Mayu twelve and ten respectively readying a pentagram made out of sheep's blood in their room, with its points covered in human skulls, a nearby Tails doll, and readying a CD. Mayu says to Shinn.

"Okay big brother! Ya ready?" Shinn answers with "So we are doing the friendly demon song?" "Yup! Ready?" As Mayu starts up the CD player and it begins to play the song.

"To the tune of the friendly demon song" There was a fearsome demon, who had a very scary form... "Like a giant flame with ten eyes." He was the most unholy demon that was ever born... "From the eternal flames of Gurdor." All the other demons wouldn't let him play their games... "Like professional blitzball." And if you wish to meet him all you have to do is say his name. "Come out Firo the fire lord of the fire." An explosion of flame and brimstone sweeps across the room and house causing Shinn's parents to break down the door. The giant ten eyed flame came out of the pentagram which has by now turned into a portal to hell yelling out.

"I am Firo, the fire lord of the fire! Who dares summon me!?" As he looks around he sees everyone in the room and mutters. "Mother of... Stupid internet demon summoning websites." Suddenly Shinn's father yells out "You brats! What have you done you little fucks!? How dare you oppose Jesus your lord and savior!? And Shinn's mother yelling out Jesus at random intervals during the entire conversation, shown in parenthesis for our readers convenience. Firo exasperated comments "Not this shit again! (Jesus!) Why can't normal people summon me for once (Jesus!) like back in the old days? (Jesus!) I bet you guys don't even (Jesus!) And could you please stop doing that!? Do I look like that chick from the exorcist?!" (Jesus!) Shinn's father pulled out a hunters knife from his pocket and angrily yelled out "Can you feel the sunshine?!" As he lunged into Firo with an intent to kill, instead slipping on the blood and crushing a skull underfoot disrupting the energy flow spewing out flames, mayhem, and ominous music with chanting. Suddenly a shadow rends Shinn's father rips out his soul and smashes it into the ground with a piece landing on the Tails doll. (JESUS!) suddenly an explosion covers the house, bursting everything into flames and spreading demons thru the land.

"Wait a minute! Wait a minute!" "What now GlaDOS?" "Seriously Alias again with demonic forces? We already had demons two chapters ago!" "Look this is just a minor story point anyway. Besides I was supposed to have done the Tails doll origins arc in season 1 last year! And Season 1 originally ended in October. Oh Goddammit! The neighborhood burned down and we missed it!"

Back to Shinn, "Our parents didn't make it that day. And the community was pissed to say the least. I was dragged to Salt Lake city Utah, to one of those "pray the gay away" camps where I met Stellar who was also sent there. I never saw Mayu again, even when I returned and got banned from the casinos."

After the conversation, and Shinn's reminiscing, our heroes head to Buzz's house, a small two floor house in a small suburb where they begin to plan. Shinn yells out "We have to do something!" While a more cool headed Athrun comments "We can't just rush into this whole mess headfirst Shinn." Kira adds "When has that ever stopped us? Kick reason to the curb, and go beyond the impossible!" Athrun is somewhat aghast at being reminded as Kira talked on. "Yeah, I mean what about Las Vegas, or Kabul, or Troll island? And even before that with the demons and later with the Yakuza and..." Kira is suddenly cut off by a choke hold by Athrun when an explosion is heard outside, as our heroes exit the house we find a girl with an appearance similar to Shinn, but long platinum white hair and dressed in leather along two other girls with long swords and the same hair. Shinn realizes in horror that the girl is. "Mayu! I-its you Mayu, r-right? Its me, Shinn, remember?" As Shinn lifts his arm visibly in shock and holding back tears he gets shot by a fira spell knocking him into the wall as the eternally cliched One winged angel starts to play on the background. With a scorn Mayu steps on Shinn's chest saying. "I don't know what you are talking about, my only family is the Jenova's witnesses. Together we will bring forth mother Jenova and destroy the universe. And to do that we need that doll!" As Mayu points to Tails doll the other two girls begin to take swipes at Kira, Athrun and Tails doll,

to which Athrun responds with "Seriously, you guys worship freaking Sephiroth? I mean he is gay for Cloud, a totally overblown sham, and Kefka is a better villain!" As Athrun finished he is hit by twin omnislashes and a Ifrit summon which proceeds to do horrific injury to Athrun as he is smashed into the houses wall next to Shinn yelling out "WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU TWO HELP ME!" With Kira answering

"Are you stupid? Everyone knows you don't trash Sephiroth in front of his fangirls! Anyway come on TD! Chuck Norris time!" As Kira and Tails doll ready to fuse they get shot in the back with a powerful surge.

Tails doll is grabbed and put in a bind as the assailant shows herself, as a fat pimply and ugly as fuck girl with a barely fitting leather uniform and a obviously fake Sephiroth wig, with a snorting laugh she snorts

"HA HA! You turds stood no chance against the mighty Shelly! Mayu! Exchange girls lets go! But before that ..." Shelly fires a blast that utterly destroys the ZAFT roader and a spread shot that smashes into every one of our heroes, beating them handily.

**To be continued...**


	29. Road trip 7: Final Fantasy XVL2

**ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip**

_A legendary martial arts master... Renowned by all for his feats of sheer badassery... So awesome that he causes his foes eyes to explode from such awesomeness... He heroically fell in battle in the defense of Sega... long forgotten by the world he now lives in the planet Gamindustri... He is... Segata Sanshiro! _

**Segata Sanshiro returns**

This chapter begins in Avenir headquarters as Segata and Blast goes undercover by posing as part of a tour group of thirty people. Led by a small Technosqueek badnik along the way who explains the story of the company. The Technosqueek, complete with a tiny Avenir tour guide hat and taped on tour flag explains away pointing at the house sized ballistic rocket. And this is a 300-XP rocket series. It was originally designed for rocket launch purists, it was redeveloped as a cost efficient intercontinental ballistic missile. Its also famous for being used by Dr. Weil in Megaman Zero 3." Segata mutters "Blast, is this really necessary? Blast? (Blast is completely paralyzed in awe at the missile) Ah fuck it I'll get that Jade guy myself." And thus Segata bails on Blast as he sneaks up some conveniently located air vents hidden in a corner.

Segata promptly gets lost though and after several hours of searching, and collecting the Deluxe Picto box, Segata stumbles into the hidden backrooms of Avenir where all the guns are made. As Segata looks around he goes thru the area when a large figure jumped in. Looking like a cross between GaoGaiGar and a lot of game controllers including a Wiimote clutched in its lion shaped torso he looks at Segata and yells out

"Who dares enter the..." When Segata cuts him off with "A CFW! You're Brave the hard!" "No wait little man I..." Suddenly Brave gets a flying kick to the face knocking him into a large pile of scrap.

**Season 2: Chapter 7: Final fantasy XVL -2**

**Written by: Aliasoddity**

"Last time on ZAFT of the radiance, kupo!"

Shinn pensively comments "Its been eight years since I've been in Jersey. Ever since my folks died..."

"Can you feel the sunshine?" "Oi TD! Say hello to the old man!"

"And Mayu was kept by myself. I tried to raise her, but she was devastated at losing you Shinn and fell into their crowd. OH! Why couldn't she have joined a normal religion like Haruhism, or voodoo? You know that doll looks kinda familiar..." Tails doll comments "Yes, I also feel like we met before. And this city as well..."

"To the tune of the friendly demon song" There was a fearsome demon, who had a very scary form... "Like a giant flame with ten eyes." He was the most unholy demon that was ever born... "From the eternal flames of Gurdor." All the other demons wouldn't let him play their games... "Like professional blitzball." And if you wish to meet him all you have to do is say his name. "Come out Firo the fire lord of the fire."

"We can't just rush into this whole mess headfirst Shinn." Kira adds "When has that ever stopped us? Kick reason to the curb, and go beyond the impossible!" Athrun is somewhat aghast at being reminded as Kira talked on. "Yeah, I mean what about Las Vegas, or Kabul, or Troll island? And even before that with the demons and later with the Yakuza and..." Kira is suddenly cut off by a choke hold.

With a scorn Mayu steps on Shinn's chest saying. "I don't know what you are talking about, my only family is the Jenova's witnesses. Together we will bring forth mother Jenova and destroy the universe. And to do that

we need that doll!" As Mayu points to Tails doll the other two girls begin to take swipes at Kira, Athrun and Tails doll,

Athrun as he is smashed into the houses wall next to Shinn yelling out "WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU TWO HELP ME!"

And now the adventure continues...

We find ourselves in the South Jersey shore area where our heroes are in Dr. Weird's lab along with the ZAFT roader which was taken here for repairs. Athrun is not happy about this fact, not, at, all.

"MY FREAKING CAR! ITS FREAKING TOTALED! AND NOW WE'RE LETTING SOME SHMUCK FIX **MY **CAR!?" As Athrun freaks out he is calmed by Kira via the "Bright Noa ninpou!

Secret technique! Slap to the face no jutsu!" As Athrum recovered he muttered a soft thanks as exposition is said between the rest of the cast with the giant living wooden puppet Geno saying "Nice job kid, my head was hurting from all of this. What was that just now? Shinn told them "That my friends was the legendary Gundam technique, the Brightslap. (thunder sounds) Said to come from the legendary captain and paragon of awesome Bright Noa. (victorious rising crescendo of trumpets) It is said that that power forged some of the mightiest pilots in all of Gundam, and its legendary power is passed from captain to captain of a white ship that looks like a horse. And is able to forge men of destiny from the whiniest of bitches. From what I heard Kira leant it from Murrue Ramnius when he was in Japan as a child." Geno answered with "I see, anyways (looks at Dr. Weird) Dr. Weird what do you think? "Well Wooden Steve! We can rebuild this! We have the technology! Using this plans I swiped from the Akibaranger people. Bwahahahahahaha!"

"I am not Wooden Steve, I am GENO." Buzz commented "What now? Is Athrun gonna stay to help fix the van?" Athrun putting his hand on his chin said "No, as much as I hate to admit it we gotta save Tails doll now. We can't afford to split up now. Buzz, where is the Jenova's witnesses hideout anyway?" Buzz answered "Uptown Atlantic city, next to the Trump Taj Mahal."Geno commented "Hot damn! That's pretty expensive property!" Shinn freaks outs and yells "I can't go there! That's where I was busted! If I go there the Trumpbots will kill me!" Buzz then said "Don't worry you can hide in my car!"

We now cut to the Atlantic expressway as our heroes travel to the Jenova's witnesses hideout. In a pink itasha van with Miku Hatsune and Vocaloid decals all over it. Athrun was not happy about this fact. To the point that he was wearing along with Shinn a giant Miku Hatsune mask inside the van. With Kira singing Boku ni invitation from Shirokuma cafe. "Most... humiliating... drive... ever..." Athrun muttered as an old married couple in a Emu drove next to them the old woman commented "Hey dear look at the little gay car. Lets laugh at it!" As they laugh and point Athrun reaches his boiling point and swerves to the right smashing the Emu into a spin out and to crash into a post. Athrun speeds up the van and blurts out "HA! Serves those assholes right!" With Shinn commenting in a sarcastic tone "Nice job Athrun you just probably vehiculary manslaughtered an old couple just to soothe your ego..." Athrun replied with "GODDAMNIT SHINN! SHUT UP OR I SWEAR I WILL GRAB YOUR MASK AND SHOVE IT SO FAR UP YOUR ASS, THAT LEEKS WILL COME OUT OF YOU EVERY TIME YOU GO TO THE TOILET!"

Meanwhile in the crashed Emu the old man is calling someone in his cell phone. As he hangs up he yells in a thick Italian accent "Damn pricks, nobody messes with don Cannelloni and lives!" And the lady adds

"Yes, kill that gay little car, so we can laugh at it." And so the old, well dressed and vertically challenged couple laugh when Ms. Cannelloni asks "Shouldn't we have called a tow truck first?"

"BWAHAHAHAHA! Hey guys did you see that?" Athrun gleefully snarked with Kira and Shinn visibly showing disapproval. Kira then says to Athrun "You're gonna regret that someday..."

Meanwhile at Jenova's witnesses HQ, Shelly the very fat Sephiroth fangirl straps on Tails doll to a machine conspicuously similar to the one used in the season 1 finale of this series itself only with a black and silver paint job to better match the carpets and obviously lacking the many skulls. Tails doll struggles to free himself from his bindings as he yells out "Let me go bitch! Do you know who I am?! I'm the goddamn Tails doll goddammit! I will kill you while you sleep and eat your soul for kicks!" "HA! (snorts) I the mighty Shelly doubt it very much. Anyway Mayu dear." "Yes mistress Shelly?" "Soon the machine will be ready, using the remnants of the monkey paw and the sealed soul of Conan Asuka, Shinn and Mayu's father, the power of Jenova will be mine and I will be unstoppable! HYAHYAHYA! (snorts twice) Now Mayu prepare to become the sacrifice!" "Yes mistress Shelly." As Mayu left the room Tails doll looks at Shelly and comments "Seriously, sacrifice? I know of demonic rituals and what you want does not require a sacrifice." "It does, after all her powers are far greater than she realizes and is pretty cute to boot. I will have her body and no one can stop me!" "Pervert..." "I meant I will possess her body." "Still pervo" "I meant I will be inside her."

"You should just stop right now..." Tails doll commented.

As night falls and our heroes reach the Trump Taj Mahal Shinn looks on visibly nervous of the Trumpbots also known as the ORT-55 series kill bots. Custom built robots with Donald Trump's facsimile for a head and standard wheeled robotic chassis colored gold which held several deadly weapons that would in any country with real gun laws be highly illegal. Apparently Trump also made them all have is own voice and had a tendency to say "You're fired" as they used their flamethrowers. "I can't believe we are actually here." Shinn mutters as the group parks near the trees across the Jenova's witnesses temple, a creepy technopunkish place with a large bronze statue of Jenova in the front entrance. As our heroes sneak in they find the buildings guard whom is actually the same guy with the golden fish mask who protected the entrance to troll island in the finale. Still bored, still watching crazy talk in his busted up portable TV, still so very sad. As our heroes hid near a wall "Hey isn't that the same guy from troll island?" asked Kira to which the other two agreed and continued with. "What's the plan Athrun?" "We can't just go willy nilly! The kill bots are next to their building!" Kira added "Also the Jenova's witnesses have tax exempt status with the federation, which makes them a legal religion, so we can't just go balls crazy and kill everyone in sight like with troll island." Athrun stewed over it for a few moments and answered "Well have to sneak in." "How Athrun?" asked Kira to which Athrun responded "Quite simple, we use cardboard boxes." "We're recycling a lot of season 1 jokes today aren't we kiddies?" Shinn comments to the screen as we cut to the next scene.

Our heroes sneak in without him noticing with the awesome stealth powers of cardboard boxes even with the huge ass Miku Hatsune masks on top of them along with Kira, carrying a giant Ika Musume head. As our heroes remove the boxes and put in the masks Shinn mutters "What's with the masks anyway?" Shinn blurts out "They don't even have any gadgets or anything." With an annoyed Athrun commenting "And I would have rather used a Reimu-chan mask." Kira amazed asks "Reimu-chan?" "Yes! Reimu Hakurei-chan!" "The Tohou girl? W-w-wait a second, are you crushing on Reimu Hakurei Athrun?" Athrun reacts about as well as ANY Tsundere in a romantic anime would react. "NO! I-i-its just!" Kira amazed comments "Wow Athrun! I've known you since middle school and you never said anything about that! I mean we kept in touch and everything over the years and I've never seen this side of you! You even visited me and mom a few times!" "Shut the fuck up Kira!" "I thought Reimu was gay for Marisa?" Shinn asked Kira with Athrun angrily and defensively replying "No she's not Shinn! L-l-lets just save TD, OK?!" As Athrun snuck into the entrance Kira and Shinn looked at each other and Shinn asked "Doesn't Athrun have a huge stash of porn hidden back at the mansion?" "Yes, why do you ask?"

Far away in Beverly Hills, back at radiant ZAFT's mansion we find Auel buried deep in said stash of Athrun's porn and Sting looking at a pin up poster in a magazine commenting "Damn! Athrun has a real miko fetish..."

Inside the Jenova's witnesses building we find, it is actually pretty nice, well lit with an expensive glass chandelier on top, clean red carpets and a homely desk between two large staircases where the lobby clerk is stationed. Where a young man dressed like Sephiroth but more fancy, with a bow tie and everything is located. "So Athrun, how do we get inside the deeper areas of this place?" "Watch and learn Shinn,

watch and learn." Athrun goes to the clerk and begins to chat, the clerk says hi and Athrun... "Greetings friend, I don't suppose you can let us inside the deeper parts of your wonderful establishment?" "No sir..."

"Well I suppose that some help from Mr, Bill is required to smooth things over (tries to slip in a twenty on the clerk whom promptly gives it back.) "Sir, I don't need your money. Jenova's witnesses incorporated already has good pay and benefits sir." "Crap, well I got some weed and coke stashed in the van outside, and its all yours if you let us in." "Winners don't do drugs sir." "Tell that to Mark McGuire and the rest of the MLB. Anyway sexy could you please let us in. I'll make it worth your while." "Are you trying to seduce me sir?" "(nervous) perhaps..." "Security!"

One swift boot out later... "Great job Athrun! Maybe next time you can sell him some Russian mail order brides!" Shinn yelled out to Athrun's face while taking off his mask. "Goddammit how can this get any worse?" Suddenly a familiar old man's voice rings out. Now surrounded by fifty heavily armed thugs of different shapes and sizes on one side and a platoon of Trumpbots on the other tracking down Shinn. "What now guys?" Kira comments with worry in his tone. Athrun responds with "(whispering tone) Thank you Deus ex Machina! (loud tone) Inside the building everyone!" Athrun grabs his Beretta and headshots one of the goons, alerting all to their presence as the trio goes inside while shots begin to ring out and with the song Flutter vs. Gesellchaft from the original Megaman Legends in the background the shoot out begins as our heroes simultaneously jump over the clerks desk and break down the staff door while the gang and kill bots rush in killing the clerk and causing the security guards to scramble with their plasma rifles in tow, ready to shoot back as all three groups begin to go at each other with maximum violence.

At that time back at the machine room we find Shelly perplexed at the transpiring events and the fact that the heroes she crushed with ease have broken into the Jenova's inner sanctum and beat down all who get in the way. With Tails doll rather giddy telling Shelly "Guess who's gonna feel the sunshine now bitch?!" As Shelly increased the machine's power she yelled out for the exchange twins to go after the trio. As the duo went off to face our heroes they flew above them mocking all the way. With them saying in unison "Your mothers suck dick in hell over and over while firing energy bolts to which our heroes scramble for cover to avoid.

As the duo lands to laugh Kira yells out "Lets go Athrun! Time to bust out special technique! (along with Athrun) Seizure procedure!) And so Kira and Athrun unite in a flash of strobing blue and red light and a sudden techno remix of the current battle music. With the twin on the left bragging "You fool! If you don't directly look at it you wont be affected! Right sister?" She then finds her twin suffering from a seizure and as she tries to snap her out of it Shinn capitalizes by using his Gadelaza's GN missiles to blow up both twins to pieces while using its GN cannons to disintegrate the remains. "This mobile gear may be much smaller than the real Gadelaza, but it gets the job done!" "Good job Shinn!" "Thanks Kira, now lets go! With a blast of its GN mega cannon Shinn opens a straight path to the top, Kira and Athrun hop in as Shinn drives the Gadelaza to the upper floors above. "I can sense Tails doll! He is at the top floor." "Why haven't you used this ability before Kira?" asked Shinn as he used his GN fangs to shred thru all of the debris, monsters, and cultists in its way.

And then in a huge explosion Kira, Athrun, and Shinn crash into the machine room, conveniently in front of Shelly, as the trio lands in a convenient V team formation pose with Shinn in front yelling "Radiant ZAFT

We're here to kill your ass!" while pointing the Gadelaza's guns at Shelly whom just snorts unfazed. "So you boys think you can beat me?" Shinn responds with a yes, and shoots Shelly in the arm "You little prick! You shot me! You fucking shot me! Well let me tell you something, do you know that your friend has the soul of Mayu's father in him which is what gave him life in the first place? And that with his power I will not only awaken Jenova on Earth, but I can also use it to steal Mayu's body like Dante from Full metal Alchemist? (Shinn charges the Gadelaza's mega launcher) Ah fuck it! Mayu kill these guys!" As Shelly flees Shinn tries to shoot but Mayu now with a black wing in her back rushes from behind the trio knocking down the Gadelaza and our heroes from under their feet proceeding to go kung fu on the three. Shinn tells Kira and Athrun "I'll deal with Mayu! You go save Tails doll and get Shelly! Use the Gadelaza" "Right Shinn! Kira get Tails doll out of the chair. I'll go after the fat bitch on the Gadelaza." Kira nods as our heroes break away Mayu tries to stop them but Shinn tackles her into the ground stopping her.

Shelly at that time was reaching the roof of the building which was being rocked by explosions, signs that the war between the thugs, the kill bots and the cultists was consuming the building. Sneakily but swiftly she avoids the firefights all around the inside of the area and enters a secret stairway, locking it from the inside she catches her breath when she hears the jovial voice of a mysterious man coming down the staircase. "Well,well,well, it seems your plan has backfired miss Shelly." "Who are you?! How did you get here?!" Shelly blurts out in a panic as a man in brown robes and red jewels reveals himself. With purple hime cut hair, eyes constantly shut, a mischievous grin and carrying a magical staff with a red orb on top. "I am the great trickster priest Xellos, humble servant of Greater beast Zellas Metallum. And how I got here is a secret. Also I will be taking that soul that contains the origin of Tails doll's powers." Shelly grows ever more fearful as Xellos opens his eyes, revealing a sinister and monstrous grin. "And you miss Shelly are going to die." As Shelly tries to open the door to no avail Xellos grabs her by her coat, steals the green diamond shaped crystal with the soul in it, tosses Shelly into the stairs and blasts her dead with a bolt of magic leaving a smoking, burnt corpse. After the deed Xellos shuts his eyes once more and comments to himself "Well now I have this wonderful thing and after that Kira boy fused with Tails doll that loathsome day a part of his soul is in here too. That wretched Chuck Norris materialization did quite a number on me, even spreading my consciousness between worlds beyond my masters reach. But soon it will all be a moot point. Well time to return to the golden world, after all the plan has been derailed for too long."

Meanwhile Shinn is fighting Mayu who is relentless in her assault Shinn defending himself tries to snap his sister out of the brainwashing. "Stop Mayu! Its me Shinn! Don't you remember?! I was so worried all these years!" (Shinn blocks a straight punch from Mayu and begins to dodge a flurry of kicks) "My brother... is... gone... Ever since... he left... I've been... alone... Miss Shelly understood... She is the... only one..."

(Mayu elbows Shinn in the gut whom staggers back) "She was trying to steal your body Mayu! Why can't you understand?! As Mayu lunges forward, she begins to strangle and lift Shinn from the ground causing Shinn to shed tears which land on Mayu's face "Big brother..." Mayu drops Shinn and begins to hold her head, trashing around and visibly in pain.

Meanwhile Kira seeing the struggle, tries desperately to shut down the machine, giving up and smashing the console with a nearby chair which actually works. Rushing to Tails doll he grabs him and slings him into his shoulder. "TD are you alright?" "Aye, I can float. Anyways we need to stop that fight." "You can do that TD? I always thought all you could do was kill stuff." "Watch and learn boy! Esuna! Tails doll launches a blast at Mayu knocking her down as the duo go to Shinn's side Kira picks up Mayu as Shinn asks Tails doll "What did you do?" He answered with a blunt "Don't worry its a healing spell, look." Everyone looks in amazement as Mayu's wing disappears and her silver hair becomes brown again. "Shinn we need to go!" Shinn summons the Big Zam which everyone boards and head for the ramparts to the upper levels. Athrun suddenly communicates to the others commenting "Guys I found Shelly." Kira asks "What happened?" "Shes dead, someone got to her first and fried her. Anyways things are looking bad and apparently the police is now getting involved in this mess. Did you save Tails doll?" Tails doll responds with "Yeah, I'm fine, now what?" "Head to the roof well use the Gadelaza to escape. Over and out!" Shinn yells out "Well you heard Athrun." Everyone else nods as the Big Zam rockets upward.

The group meets up at the roof and escape as the building begins to explode amazed at the chaos of the four sided conflict which has consumed a large part of the neighborhood and military aircraft getting closer. Heading low the groups goes to the tree filled area quickly get in the van and quietly slip away among the panicked masses.

The next day at Dr. Weird's lab, our group is eating breakfast quietly, a sharp contrast to the chaos of yesterday. Reading the paper and wagging his raccoon tail he relates the local newspaper's headlines "Uptown upheaval, yesterday at 9:30 pm local time a riot started out between mobsters from the Cannelloni family, Trump Taj Mahal security and Jenova's witnesses personnel leading to hundreds of deaths and billions in damage. There have been over 500 arrests and evidence of illegal weaponry was found in the possession of all three groups. Police believe that this was all due to a revenge killing attempt gone horribly wrong and are looking for the alleged marks which are rumored to be three people in a ugly car wearing giant masks. Guess I'll have to change decals huh?" Kira says to Buzz "Sorry about all of this Buzz." "Don't think about it boy. I'm just happy you are all safe and Mayu is back home." "Yeah, it also looks like Athrun, Weird and wooden Steve are almost done with our van so I guess we will be leaving soon." "How is Shinn doing?"

"He is alone with his sister now catching up. It looks like she will travel with us to New York and then we will send her to Beverly Hills. We have friends there so she will be fine." "I see it'll be a shame to see her go. But she needs to get away from here."

Outside Dr. Weird's lab in a surprisingly sunny sunrise. Shinn and Mayu are bonding anew. Mayu tells Shinn "Thanks for saving me Shinn..." "No worries, Mayu." "I just hope you will be alright in your adventures." "Maybe someday we can go an adventure together ya know." "That would be nice."

**To be continued...**


	30. Exposition 4: Memories of kyu

**ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip**

_A legendary martial arts master... Renowned by all for his feats of sheer badassery... So awesome that he causes he can punch away nukes with a finger poke... He heroically fell in battle in the defense of Sega... long forgotten by the world he now lives in the planet Gamindustri... He is... Segata Sanshiro! _

**Segata Sanshiro returns**

After knocking away Brave the hard Segata begins to head to the location of his target. When Brave suddenly gets up from the pile of junk, cracks his neck and yells out "What the fuck is your problem little man?!" Segata quietly comments "That was supposed to kill you..." Brave upset draws his sword and yells out "You shall not pass! For it is Lady Uni's will that you do not pass!" "Lady Uni?" "Yes Lady Uni, Lastations CPU candidate." "You do know you are a giant robot and she is a goddess... right?" "So what?! Our love is real! And..." Suddenly we cut to a scene where Brave is thrown off a window falls down 80 floors and smashes back first into the ground leaving a crater in his wake.

At the top floor we find Segata facing off against his target Jade, the banished Leanbox aristocrat. Who has conveniently surrounded him with faceless mooks. Literally, they are literally random silhouettes of guys with lead pipes, and bats. Jade gleefully comments "So Segata Sanshiro you were sent to stop me huh? But you cannot win, for you are surrounded by an army of elite... (Segata beats and throws off all of Jade's minions from the nearby windows) ...dead guards... Well, fuck..."

One dead rich boy later a large black keycard is revealed to Segata along side epic instrumental music as Segata grabs it he is teleported outside Avenir to where Blast is waiting whom says "Segata you're back!

Wow that tour was so cool! So how did you... (looks at the many dead bodies and people gathering around them) ...We better get going, NOW"

**Exposition 4: Memories of kyu.**

**Written by Kyubey**

We find ourselves along side the emotionless white cat/rabbit/uterus thing Kyubey who is looking at the New York skyline from the Empire state building. "Greetings viewers its been a while. It sure is calm right now isn't it? Well before things get dicey again I guess I will do some work showing you whats happened with this world. I suppose we should begin with Shinn and Mayu."

Shinn and Mayu are catching up in the pier outside Dr. Weird's lab. Mayu sad and ashamed is talking to Shinn "Shinn, I'm glad you came back. I was so lonely after you were sent away, and I tried to attack you."

Mayu begins to break down Shinn pats Mayu in the head looking to comfort her. "Don't worry Mayu." "Thanks Shinn. (shows a small smile) Can you tell me about your adventures?" "Of course! What do you want to hear?" "Well how did you and your friends meet?"

"Well Tails doll came with the mansion we bought. But with Kira and Athrun it was around the start of our university days. I was "assisting" fellow newbies in the university grounds." We find Shinn inside a house near the school grounds in the days before the beginning of the semester playing blackjack with many other students, after cleaning out several comers he meets Athrun alongside Kira who is worriedly commenting

"Look Athrun, are you sure this will work?" "No worries Kira, after all I got a secret plan to win this." As Athrun sits down alongside an spiky haired Emu student and a Grey student with shades and a bandanna. Aliasoddity is cutting the cards and giving them out. "Okay, we are going by basic poker rules each player gets two cards at first and I will put a card on the table you will bet until I have three cards on the table, you can ask for up to two extra cards and the highest overall hand wins the pot, place your bets bitches." As everyone bets and bluffs the game goes on until Shinn and Athrun are left, Kira comments that this isn't going anywhere and suddenly Athrun in order to break the stalemate yells out while pointing at Shinn "Cheater! Cheater!" Leaving Kira to fall down sideways anime style. Shinn obviously upset gets up and grabs Athrun and punches him in the face knocking out card swapping devices off Athrun, while several dozen ace cards fall of Shinn's pocket, the rest of the group was not amused. The rest of the group clearly angry begin to march on the duo while Kira tries to get them to calm down by saying. "STOP! If you want them you'll have to get thru ME!" And thus the trio are beaten severely and relentlessly before being kicked out.

Outside Athrun and Shinn are fighting each other yelling and punching each other while Kira watches in shock and tears until Kira pushes both down. "Stop it right now!" As Athrun and Shinn look on surprised the duo gets up, go next to Kira nod at each other and punch Kira in the face.

"Really Shinn!" Mayu mutters angrily at his brother but then smiles and rests her head on Shinn's shoulder.

We now go to Dr. Weird and Athrun who are busy working on putting the final touches on the ZAFT roader. Geno then comes into the room with several parts and tells Dr. Weird "That's the last of the parts for the upgrades." "No need Wooden Steve! Its already finished!" "But I busted my ass to get these." As they enter the rebuilt van Weird takes out a music CD containing the Gundam SEED character song soundtrack.

"This is the key to activating ZAFT robo, observe." "After performing several ridiculously complicated arm movements based on all the primary Kamen Riders from the Showa era even hitting Athrun in the face and yelling "Radiant henge! ZAFT robo!" As the van transforms into a robot a Toku song starts playing in the background.

Giant machine

Come from within

Use your power

For great victory!

Come out from nothing

Change destiny

All or nothing

I will wiiiiinnn!

ZAFT robo! Invincible death machine!

ZAFT robo! Will crush everything!

ZAFT robo! It is the rape machine!

ZAFT robo! It will make you its bitch!

Invincible WMD, ZAFT robo!

Song: Invincible WMD, ZAFT robo

Composed by: Alias the abnormal

Lyrics: Some guy from the gutter

The van transforms into a twelve foot tall mini mecha its back split into its legs and arms and with a Gundam like head similar to the EZ-8 heads pops up with Athrun and Weird in a surprisingly spacious cockpit, big enough to stand and walk on without any scientific explanation on how. "BWAHAHAHA! Success! Gentlemen, behold! This! Is ZAFT robo! Capable of handling even the Federation's GNX IV's and even out flanking them since its a smaller target than them and just as well armored! With even a real GN drive to replace your crappy store bought one! SO! What do you think? Dr. Weird faces Athrun to find him out cold from the hit to the head.

Meanwhile inside Athrun's unconscious head. "What happened?" Suddenly Athrun sees himself as a young child in middle school looking on alone from a distance at a group of classmates. When a younger Kira approached him saying to him "HI! Athrun!" Athrun leaps out in surprise and looks at Kira angrily. "Crap! Who the fuck are you? And how do you know... Wait you're Yamato, the transfer whom the upper classmates

talked into drinking their pee right?" "YUP! That's me Athrun!" "Could you get lost dummy?" "Nope! I'm here to befriend you!" "So you want me to kick your ass Kira?" "But Athrun I want to show you something!" And so Kira grabs Athrun by the arm and drags him off.

"Oh yeah, this is when I and Kira went to middle school. He was a transfer student back then and I also was a first year. I moved here with grandma and grandpa in Boston after the incident. I was being teased for my accent, and Kira was naive and dopey with no one to look out for him so people took advantage of him."

And so Kira drags Shinn to his apartment where Kira shows him a broken bird robot in his room. "Hey Kira what is this?" "Its a birdy!" As Athrun looks at the bird he begins to mutter and after examining looks at Kira commenting "Its broken." "I don't suppose you can fix it Athrun? I mean I saw you working on something and..." "No need to explain just give me your lunch money from now until the end of the year."

"Okay Athrun!" "By the way this place looks pretty lonely don't you have people looking out for you?" "Well the neighbors do and I get called often by mom." "Must be nice having a mom, mine was killed by naturals, then father hunted and killed them all." "Mine too Athrun!" "What do you mean Kira?" "Well I never met my birth parents. technically my aunt raised me, I also have a big sister but she lives in Hong Kong with my uncle. I wanna introduce you to her shes really cool! We don't see each other often but its okay."

Some time later Athrun shows Kira the fixed bird robot which proceeded to fly off a window, sputter and shut down, crash into the street below, and get crushed by an 18 wheeler. Kira starts to cry but Athrun pats him in the back saying "Its okay, were friends anyway so..." To which Kira begins to smile radiantly and proceeds to glomp Athrun much to his annoyance while Athrun tries to shove him off.

"(chuckles) Who would have thought I would still be hanging around this crybaby." Suddenly a light in the distance appears and goes toward Athrun "How cliche..."

Athrun awakens in a nearby sofa from the laboratory where the ZAFT roader was built with Geno looking at him and Dr. Weird with a chainsaw nearby. Geno comments "He's alright Dr. Weird! You can drop the chainsaw." "Very well wooden Steve!" Athrun asks Geno "Why was Weird using a chainsaw?" Geno stutters nervously as Weird responds with "To carve out your brain, and replace it, with a potato!

At that time Kira was being called by someone from his past a surprising visit from the squishy Belka wizard who has yet to learn the meaning of personal space Hayate Yagami. "Kira how have you been? Are you guys alright? Especially after those girls attacked you." "No worries Hayate chan! As you can see we are all fine. Anyway have you guys gotten acclimated to Earth again? Its been around five years if I remember when you Nanoha and Fate left for Midichlidia." "Its been nice, I even got to visit uncle Graham and the Liese twins. Anyway I heard from Vita you are going to New York for the security force convention to get some experience dealing with this stuff." "Yeah we are going to drop off Mayu in the John F. Kennedy airport and send her off to Beverly Hills. I'm sure this time Sting and Auel wont do something dumb and burn down the house. Besides Lalah is there so everything will be alright, she's way too responsible to just skip town on us."

Meanwhile in Lalah Sune's Lubin III, we find Lalah suddenly sneezing. Stellar holding a sandwich worried asks "Are you OK Lalah onee-san?" "(sniffle) I'm fine but I guess someone was talking about me. And could you not eat in the van? Your table manners are atrocious." "Himalayan ketchup! So yummy! I can taste the Himalayas right now. It tastes of Yeti and Chinese sponsored Tibetian monk genocide." Lalah smiled while her inner self, well... just watch. "Goddammit enough with the fucking ketchup! You've on that shit for an hour! If you keep this up I swear to Gandhi I will shove the "Himalayas" up your ass!" Back to outer Lalah who is smiling awkwardly trying to hide her rage.

Back at Kira and Hayate's conversation Hayate continues explaining to Kira. "So yeah we are pretty much going to New York as well, we'll go out to lunch and everything!" "Right, anyways I gotta go give my regards to Nanoha and Fate." "I will don't worry." "And try to control your fondling "issues." As Kira hangs up we find Hayate chuckling nervously muttering to herself. "It'll be fine Hayate, the police don't know and this is a private line anyways and what do they know? (increasingly neurotic tone) After all I am Lieutenant Colonel Hayate motherfucking Yagami. I AM THE LAW! (Nightmare fuel face added complete with slasher smile) And besides its not rape, its skinship, yes and those who disagree with me shall die at the hands of the Death note (Batshit insane mode) With it I will purge evil from society and become the new god of this world!"

(evil maniacal laughter combined with aerial fist raising.)

And in the Shinigami realm we find Light Yagami and Ryuk looking at Hayate's episode with Ryuk chuckling and Light perturbed saying. "Was I really like that?" With Ryuk answering "And then some Light."

Back again with Kira who is met by Athrun saying "Pack your crap we're leaving." And drags him off to the van.

Far away in Rochester New York, its the middle of the night and for those who are asking its night and several hours have already passed. Anyway the eternally "stoic" Homura Akemi is looking at her soul gem under the moonlit sky. "Still hasn't gotten tainted huh? That Axel Arme-something was right, we are outside the Puella Magi systems influence. (sigh) That also means somewhere witches might still exist." Homura sits down on the buildings roof edge."

We flashback to Mikitahara town in the Puella Magi world way back in season 1. Homura is sitting around in the park under a tree, drinking her typical black coffee. Half asleep she notices Sayaka Miki getting close as she falls asleep she mutters "Now I'm seeing dead people. What a crappy hallucination, I'd rather imagine a naked Madoka." "Hey Homura wake the hell up!" Yelled out Sayaka at the top of her lungs to a sleeping Homura, to which she responds smiling and drooling. "mmmm... naked Madoka... Lesbian space hugs..." Of course Sayaka responds by angrily kicking Homura in the ribs with considerable might which works quite well until Homura pulls out a Beretta and shoves it in Sayaka's face. "Okay corpse, I don't know how you came back but I'm gonna send you there again!" "That's the reason I woke you up!" Sayaka yells out as a angry Homura gets up, grabs Sayaka by the collar and presses her gun into the right side of Sayaka's skull saying. "And whats with Homura? You guys never call me that." Sayaka with obvious fear and worry tries to stutter some words of defense as Homura shows a positively murderous look in her eyes. "And this gun, how did I summon it? I lost these powers when Madoka vanished." "Its about that Homura! Somehow everyone remembers Madoka again! And Kyubey just vanished!" "(in a flat tone) what?" "Yeah so Mami, Kyoko and I are having a meeting and since you travel thru time we thought we could use your opinion on the matter." Sayaka smiles desperately after saying that while Homura cocks the gun and releases the safety.

Later inside Mami's apartment the rest of the group meets at a table with Mami bringing tea and cookies. Except Sayaka who is nursing having half her face blown off by Homura and having it healed by Yuma Chitose in a nearby couch with a bag of ice. Kyoko having a good laugh at Sayaka's expense comments "Serves you right Sayaka! You should have known better than to wake Akemi up from one of her fantasies with her imaginary lesbian girlfriend!" Kyoko continues to laugh for about five minutes banging the table, and falling on her back. Sayaka upset throws a pillow at her and comments "Are you done?" Only to get hit on the head by Yuma and her kitty staff. "Don't you dare hit Kyoko you bitch or I'll kill you in your sleep..." Mami puts down her tea and talks. "Well, if this is all over and done with we should figure out why are so many weird things happening, after all, by all logic neither Yuma or Sayaka should be here. Same with those two girls who I've got tied up in the closet. " At that time a little girl and large man appear besides the group, the little girl is Alfimi Einst and the guy is Axel Arma sipping tea and cookies Alfimi says "I can explain the situation." Axel adds "Damn these cookies are delicious were they store bought or what?" Mami replies with "Actually I made so thank you for the compliment." Kyoko adds "Yeah, Mami always made good food." And Sayaka and Yuma nod in agreement, and all is well until Homura mentions in a bored voice. "You girls do know two strangers showed up out of nowhere and started eating our food?" Cue the other magical girls being surprised and Homura sighed dejectedly.

After calming down we find our Super robot wars original generations characters finally advancing the plot. Alfimi begins her exposition with. "Basically we came here to inform you that your world is in danger. Originally there were seven worlds in this overall universe, each story, separated from the others." Kyoko interrupts with "Just like Kamen rider Decade!" Alfimi angrily retorts with "No it isn't! Its completely original! Just like the OG series! (calms down) Anyway the worlds are merging, and soon they will destroy each other in a catastrophic yet awesome crossover war." Kyoko comments once more "Just like Decade!"

"No you fuck!" Mami chimes in with "You know miss Alfimi you're not doing a good job on selling your story I mean you don't exactly tell the natives of the place where a giant war will occur that it will be awesome.

I don't believe even Tea party people would approve of it." Alfimi replies with "True... anyways... I'm sending you to another world to get involved in a battle you have no chance of surviving and you have no choice in the matter." The Puella Magi look on in shock and Axel pretty much pulls off a spit take with the tea he was sipping. "Dammit Alfimi you shouldn't have told them that!" Mami stands up valiantly and yells out while pointing upwards in heroic fashion and heroic fanfare. "How dare you attempt to deceive these pure young charges with your deceptions! Your cruelty will not be tolerated! (points at Alfimi and Axel) I'm Mami Tomoe (does the exact Sailor Moon pose from the anime.) and in the name of the soul gem I will punish you!" Axel them mutters "plan B?" and Alfimi replies with "plan B..." and freezes everyone levitating them off the ground. "So now what Alfimi?" "I'll just toss them in the portal after manipulating their memories Axel." "ballin... But where is the girl with the black hair?" At that time a dark silhouette comments thru telepathy "Looks like Homura bailed on us. Anyway with this our deal is finished right?" The shadow reveals itself as Kyubey to the amazement of the Puella Magi with Mami exclaiming "Why?" "Its quite obvious, Madoka Kaname's power is being taken away by someone. That is what caused Sayaka to revive and Yuna to appear. Also soon the secret to solving entropy will be shown to me, in exchange all I had to do is sell you out to these guys." Sayaka angrily yells out "You're gonna pay for this Kyubey!"

Sometime later Homura who managed to escape sits in a bench in the park once more. Lying down on the side Homura begins to ponder to herself. "Maybe I shouldn't have left the others to die. (yawn) so sleepy... Good night... (snores loudly) As she dozes off she hears a scream "Homura help please! They are coming! The Einst are coming! If they... Ah, no, no, noooooo!" Suddenly she wakes up to the sight of Alfimi next to her saying. "You can hear her can't you?" "Wasn't that Madoka?" "Yes she is in danger, but I cannot reach her. You must travel to that world and save her. The world beyond the Puella Magi system."

Back at present time Homura is snapped out of her thoughts by Mami getting her head shot off by an elephant gun. As the rest scream in chaos, Homura just looks on muttering "idiots" softly and smiling a bit.

In a barren mountain road somewhere in Ozark county Missouri we now find Char Aznable the red wearing masked ace/wannabe evil genius looking on as Gyunei Guss is fixing the tires of the groups red Triumph Toledo and Quess Paraya eating a cheeseburger. Char is pretty damn angry and complains "Why do we have to go thru this?! We should be ruling the world! Not fixing Dr. Evil's beater car." While Gyunei merely picks up a blot from the ground and says "Well we could only afford that car after our last operation."

Flashing back to that operation the trio along with Little Char the teams pet cat are in a base jabber looking at someone escaping via warp speed Char yells out "We gotta catch him! Gyunei do something!" "WHY?!" Quess then told Gyunei "Well you should considering the captains "tendencies" Gyunei stays silent for a few brief moments and says "Preparing for light speed..." Char then said. "Light speed is to slow, we need to go to ludicrous speed." Quess worried asks Char "Captain are you sure you want to do this? I mean you could get thrown around by the speed." Char straps on his seatbelt and yells out "HA! I saw Spaceballs, so I'm not falling for that gag! Now hit it Gyunei!" Gyunei says "Ludicrous speed go." Gyunei activates a switch which causes the engines to hum loudly, and suddenly separate themselves from the jabber going to ludicrous speed on their own. After some ankward silence and anime sweat drops Gyunei asks Quess who is trying yo light up a cigarette. "You didn't tighten the screws enough did you? And are you smoking?! Smoking inside a spaceship is dangerous, the whole ship could burst in flames! And besides cigarettes cause cancer and stain teeth. Its already bad enough you wont eat my healthy salad but now this?" Quess angrily replies "Do you have to nag all the time? You sound like an old wife!" Gyunei looks at Char commenting "Captain can't you do something about this girl?" Only to find Char playing with his cat. Gyunei sighs in exasperation and heads for the radio to set an emergency beacon.

Back at present time Gyunei finishes fixing up the groups crappy van mentioning "Very well, there is a small town about two miles from here, if we hurry we can get there before sundown." The trio get in the car and drive off. Inside Quess asks "So where was it that we were going to again?" Gyunei then answers "New York city, apparently Clyne industries is gathering forces to do something in NYC and since the Jabber was her property we pretty much have to do it or else we are screwed." Char adds "I don't like this we should be calling the shots and her plan is dumb." Gyunei retorts with "You're just saying that because there aren't any laser bean equipped sharks involved."

And finally we reach JFK airport as our heroes see Mayu off at the gate. Mayu says "Thank you for everything guys." Shinn replies with "No worries! I'm just glad we are a family again." Tails doll adds "Don't forget to feel the sunshine!" Athrun says "Give us a call when you get to Beverly Hills. Hey Kira you have something to say?"

At that time Kira was in deep thought about Cagali his twin sister. "Family huh? Its been so long..." Remembering a conversation of long ago when he and Cagali were young, video chatting online from their homes.

Cagali is cheerfully telling Kira about current events in Hong Kong to an amazed Kira. "Wow Cagali! That is so cool! You won the race so easily! You really can do anything can't you!" Cagali somewhat embarrassed then says "Of course little brother! Just because I'm a natural doesn't mean I should be underestimated. Cagali says with great confidence.

"I used to admire Cagali, I was always shy as a kid and had trouble making friends. I had some, but I was never popular."

Some years later when Kira was in the states he was also video chatting, being joined by Athrun, Cagali and younger versions of Nanoha Takamachi, Fate Testarossa, and Hayate Yagami. Athrun genuinely surprised from meeting the group comments "I'm amazed you have an older twin and friends, especially with people in the TSAB. I hear they have little influence in this world because there are few magic users on Earth and most of them are aliens." Hayate says "That's true, besides the wars on earth turn off a lot of Midichlidians and Belkans." Kira asks "Where are Alisa and Susuka?" Athrun then asks "Who are those?" Cagali explains

"Alisa Bannings and Suzuka Tsukimura. Two super rich girls who are Nanoha's friends." Athrun comments "Man Kira you are a pimp." The others laugh as Kira stutters in embarrassment.

Kira is then woken up by a shake from Athrun "Oy Kira you asleep or something?" "Oh, sorry Athrun..." At that time the intercom of the airport announces that it was time to board the plane. "Attention flight 303 to Los Angeles is boarding now. All passengers please enter the plane in an orderly fashion." Mayu smiles and says "Its time to go everyone. Goodbye!" As Mayu leaves to board the group bids its farewells with a smile. Athrun comments "Well its over huh Shinn." Shinn smiles and says "yeah..." And then Tails doll comments "I wasn't given any screentime..."

Finally we meet Kyubey again alongside Aliasoddity who says "So this chapter is finished?" Kyubey answers "Yes." "Damn this took too long to finish."

**To be continued...**


	31. Special 4: Radiant songs OST 1

**ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip**

_A legendary martial arts master... Renowned by all for his feats of sheer badassery... So awesome that he high fives the sky, and punches out the sun... He heroically fell in battle in the defense of Sega... long forgotten by the world he now lives in the planet Gamindustri... He is... Segata Sanshiro! _

**Segata Sanshiro returns.**

We now find Segata Sanshiro and Blast hiding in an alley, behind a dumpster. Looking towards a building with a shady club called the kawaiiko. Segata is somewhat unnerved at Blast's giddiness at the thought of murdering the next target. "All right Segata, we are gonna solve this mission with this (Blast pulls out a small bomb with a nuclear sign on it) This is the GB-1989 "little bitch" tactical nuclear explosive. Its capable of turning everything in a mile long radius into nuclear dust. You are gonna arm it, throw it at the window and get the hell away from the blast that will most likely kill everyone in the neighborhood." "NO NO NO HELL NO!" Complains Segata visibly appalled at the overkill further elaborating with "There are civilians all around here what about them?" Blast then shakes Segata and yells out "I AM NOT CRAZY!" Only to receive a Bright slap to the face complete with a woman singing "Men of destiny!" "Look Blast, there's no need to go overboard. I'll get in, kill the weirdo, and get out.

Inside the kawaiiko Segata is visibly shocked at the scene where he sees a large number of minors getting... (gets cut off by the censors to the tune of Trombe! In muzak and oboe form.)

**Special: 4: Radiant songs OST 1**

**Written by GlaDOS**

"Hello and welcome to the Radiant ZAFT author headquarters. Located in the former Aperture science computer aided enrichment center #2, underneath Mount Lennon in Tuscon Arizona. I am GlaDOS the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System artificial intelligence. And I have come to inform you about this OST and its functions. But for now we start with..."

**ZAFT sunny: **Radiant ZAFT's theme song, based musically on Micro sunny from Shonen Kamikaze

Come into the radiant sun!

Live a life of your very own!

Brought together under what seems odd!

Making the best with your friends of what you got!

ZAFT sunny!

_(chorus)_

_Come, come, come with us!_

_Go into the adventure!_

_Come, come, come with us!_

_Hope we don't get site banned once more!_

Bought a big ass mansion

Got it totally wrecked

Went all around the world

Stumbled into a giant mess

Got rocketed to far away

What a mess they made

Tossed into a war with trolls

The journey never seems to end.

Even if your beaten and betrayed

Or burned down your house in a fit of madness

Your true brothers will always be there

Although not bound of blood it doesn't matter

Come into the radiant sun!

Live a life of your very own!

Brought together under what seems odd!

Making the best with your friends of what you got!

ZAFT sunny!

_(chorus)_

_Come, come, come with us!_

_Go into the adventure!_

_Come, come, come with us!_

_Hope we don't get site banned once more!_

All three of us together for better or worse

with four and five and six comrades along the way

Weirdness magnets all of the way

But in the end we have a laugh and that is that matters

Even if life doesn't seem fair

Even if you get high and wasted

The sun will someday shine again

Like a Japanese, Canadian, and New Jersey way

Come into the radiant sun!

Live a life of your very own!

Brought together under what seems odd!

Making the best with your friends of what you got!

ZAFT sunny!

(guitar solo)

Oh! Making it up as the story moves on

With barely anything to go on

Jerkass reviewers and work going to waste

Getting 23 e-mails with the same things written on them

Come into the radiant sun!

Live a life of your very own!

Brought together under what seems odd!

Making the best with your friends of what you got!

Come into the radiant sun!

Live a life of your very own!

Brought together under what seems odd!

Making the best with your friends of what you got!

ZAFT sunny!

_(chorus)_

_Come, come, come with us!_

_Go into the adventure!_

_Come, come, come with us!_

_Hope we don't get site banned once more!_

_Come, come, come with us!_

_Go into the adventure!_

_Come, come, come with us!_

_Hope we don't get site banned once more!_

**Lacus:** Lacus Clyne's theme song, based musically on Scorpio from the Simpsons

Lacus!

She'll trap you with her madness and puppy kicking

Beware of Lacus!

Her twisted twin obsessions in her plot to rule the universe, and her World of Warcraft quests

She'll welcome you into her lair

Her traps are already all set

Her goon squad is psychotic at best

Whom she bought wholesale from NERV

But beware of her generous pensions

And three weeks paid vacation each year

Even though you, will likely die in a week!

You'll die in a week!

Lacus!

She'll tempt you with the promise of liquor and sex

Beware of Lacus!

You're pretty much stuck there cause she put a bomb in your brain.

She used to be pretty swell

Had a stable life with another girl

But she let all that go, because evil tastes neat!

Because evil tastes neat!

(music only)

Lacus!

She will show you true fear

Lacus!

FUCKING RIBBONS serves under her

Lacus!

Its the monkey's paw curse!

Lacus!

Character interpretation at its worst

(music only)

She'll welcome you into her lair

Her traps are already all set

Her goon squad is psychotic at best

Whom she bought wholesale from NERV

But beware of her generous pensions

And three weeks paid vacation each year

Even though you, will likely die in a week!

You'll die in a week!

She used to be pretty swell

Had a stable life with another girl

But she let all that go, because evil tastes neat!

Because evil tastes neat!

And likes German beer.

**Belka Sentai Wokenritter: **Wokenritter's theme song, musically based on Sanjou! Ginyu Tokusentai.

My name is Vita

Knight of the iron hammer

I'll crush you all and take your lives

With the power...

Of my Graf Eisen

I will smash thru everything to get a swipe at you.

The name is Agito

Sword fairy of the raging fire

I'll burn you to ashes with my flames

Yes! We have just arrived

The universe's strongest knights

We make masters pee their pants

We're the Wokenritter!

Yes we are!

We will show you our special fighting technique

You would best start begging for mercy

Wokenritter! Wokenritter! Wokenritter! Wokenritter!

I'm called Zafira

The shielding beast guardian

I am the claws and fangs of the Wokenritter

I need no weapon

My strikes are more than enough

Get in my way, and I will break you

Shamal! That is me!

Hand of the healing wind

And I am not a Ryou Bakura

Yes! We have just arrived

The universe's strongest knights

We make monsters shit themselves

We're the Wokenritter!

Yes we are!

We are having cake as our afternoon snack

And we are not sharing any with you

Wokenritter! Wokenritter! Wokenritter! Wokenritter!

And I am Sigmun

General of the raging fires

I am the Wokenritter's leader

I fight for the sake

Of mistress Hayate

It doesn't matter who you are I will defeat you

You should be thankful

That you are fighting me

Now become the rust in my Levantine

Yes! We have just arrived

The universe's strongest knights

We make ninjas look like pussies

We're the Wokenritter!

Yes we are!

We are fucking invincible

so don't you dare screw with us

That bitch Cypha just got lucky

Wokenritter! Wokenritter! Wokenritter! Wokenritter!

(guitar solo)

Yes we are!

Yes! We have just arrived

The universe's strongest knights

We make demons cry like bitches

We're the Wokenritter!

Yes we are!

We will split your skulls with power from our cartridges

So you better make peace with your god

Wokenritter! Wokenritter! Wokenritter! Wokenritter!

**Invincible WMD ZAFT robo:** ZAFT robo theme song musically based on Korin! Gosei great! from Tensou Sentai Goseiger

Giant machine come from within

Use your power for great victory!

Come out from nothing change destiny

All or nothing I will win!

By merely calling upon the warriors spirit

And putting in a cheap CD

That no one would buy without the net!

The ass kicking great!

Radiant henge!

ZAFT robo truly is the invincible death machine!

ZAFT robo it will crush everything!

ZAFT robo truly is the ultimate rape machine!

ZAFT robo it will make you its bitch!

Invincible WMD ZAFT robo is here!

Overcomplicated gestures are actually pretty neat

You'll be stuck a virgin sadly

So expensively cheap like you wouldn't believe

This makes no sense keep on going

By merely calling upon the warriors spirit

And putting in a cheap CD

That no one would buy without the net!

The ass kicking great!

Radiant henge!

ZAFT robo kicks lots of all with Norris style and panache

ZAFT robo greatness beyond belief

ZAFT robo peanut butter and jelly

ZAFT robo it will make you its bitch!

Invincible WMD ZAFT robo is here!

(music only)

ZAFT robo truly is the invincible death machine!

ZAFT robo greatness beyond belief

ZAFT robo truly is the ultimate rape machine!

ZAFT robo its really something

Invincible WMD ZAFT robo is here!

"We hope you have enjoyed this collection of songs. But that is pretty much it for you. So for now, farewell, you will be missed.

**To be continued**


	32. Road trip 8: Plans of New York

**ZAFT of the radiance**

_A legendary martial arts master... Renowned by all for his feats of sheer badassery... So awesome that Not even Gendo Ikari would fuck with him... He heroically fell in battle in the defense of Sega... _

_long forgotten by the world he now lives in the planet Gamindustri... He is... Segata Sanshiro! _

**Segata Sanshiro returns.**

We find Segata Sanshiro inside the kawaiiko club, Leanbox's number 1 place for touching people in places or ways that would make them feel uncomfortable. Finally inside the cavernous basements, past the S&M racks, past the piles of cash and cocaine, past the machines that process the cash and cocaine, and past the blast furnace whom burn the cash and cocaine to heat the place, because there is that much cash and cocaine. Segata wanders around the building when he finds Rudolph the nuclear bombarded mutant reindeer known as CFW Trick the hard yelling at several minions which in grand Gamindustry fashion are either merely voices or darkened silhouettes with Trick commenting "So Jade got killed off huh?" The grunts nodded that it was correct "I see, well that sucks! He owed me money!" As Segata prepares to strike he is stopped by Brave the hard, bruised and with an eye gouged out, but still battle ready. The duo fight as Trick and his goons are pretty much unaware of the fight still talking about the situation. "Yeah I know that keeping that girl captive is important and that Arfoire needs her to overthrow the Basilicom. But he owed me money, I mean I was gonna buy a copy of barely legal babes #76. I mean, those nubile young maidens!" The grunt with the voice comments "Why? I mean just download it from the internet like everyone else." Trick says "Are you sure?" (Brave's sword flies above the groups heads and they do not notice) "Hell yeah I know a site and they will hook you up and shit." (Brave himself is sent flying above the groups heads slamming him into a wall with none the wiser.) The shadow guy pulls out a notebook as the voice tells them the website which for obvious reasons will not be mentioned here and then says "Isn't that Segata Sanshiro over there? Oh crap..." while the other guy craps his pants to which Trick comments "gross"

**Season 2 Chapter 8: Plans of New York.**

**Written by: Aliastheabnormal**

Before we get to our heroes we find Lelouch Lamperouge, his sister Nunally, and his quirky miniboss squad Suzaku Kuruurgi and C.C. Heading to the Hilton New York in New York city to see a special someone.

As the group walks minus Nunally, who is handicapped and goes around in a wheelchair. Nunally is ecstatic at the trip saying "This is great! Its been so long since we've seen Euphie!" Suzaku adds "I just hope the security detail aren't still pissed off about the whole Damocles incident." Nunally responds with "Its been three years since we were exiled from the world of Code Geass and came here to the world of Gundam. I'm sure everyone forgot about it, and we'll all have a big laugh about it."

Cut to the group getting chased by an entire security team all thru sixth avenue and 53rd street. After some running they manage to lose their pursuers by hiding in a dumpster. After several minutes of hiding inside

some of New York's finest rubbish, the foursome look outside and seeing everything safe exit one by one. "Well look who's wrong!" Suzaku yelled out at the sky visibly and unfairly annoyed until landing his ass on the floor and reclining himself on the dumpster. C.C. Then commented "Well Lelouch what now? Wanna go to Coney island? I always wanted to try a corn dog from there." Lelouch responds with "Corn dogs can wait C.C.! For destiny is calling us! (crossing his arms) For we must stand resolute and find a way to sneak into the Hilton to see Euphemia! (points his right arm to the sky) For we are Team Dai-Gurren! The drill that will pierce the heavens! (epic backsplosion) Just who the hell do you think we are!" "Wrong show Lulu..." Everyone gets shocked as out of nowhere the mousy spectacled girl who corrected Lelouch, appears behind everyone. With scary shiny glasses and a beehive-esque bun hairdo complete with a jogging suit. Lelouch says "Nina Einstein?! Is that you?" Suzaku adds "And goddammit why do you smell like that?!" Holding his nose with everyone holding it as well. Nina responds with "Well, you see, I've been stalking, the Empress, for ten days, I'm so lonely, So I touch myself to, make it..." Suzaku cuts her off with "I get it! Ugh! You're still obsessed with her. No wonder I left with Lelouch when he got exiled!" Nina twiddling her thumbs and looking down to the floor while Suzaku rants on "I mean, you're always like this! Like when you tried to poison me due to me dating Euphie, and the time you tried to shoot me for getting into the rounds, and when you tried to blow up the dorms because I took the last cupcake in the cafeteria!" Nunally asks C.C. "How the hell is she not in jail?" With C.C. Responding "Because the Britannian justice system is a worthless piece of crap." Lelouch responds with "There's a justice system in Britannia? I always used to flip a coin when dealing judgment when I was Emperor. By the way shouldn't someone stop Suzaku's justified grievances?"

Back to Suzaku and Nina... "And how did you survive anyway?! I mean you're pretty much Code Geass' Flay Allster! A petty psychotic girl, except that you're not considered cute enough to get artwork on Danbooru! And don't give me that reformation crap, because I didn't see you get your ass handed by Kallen Kozuki after nuking 35 million people. And really your obsession with Euphie is horrifying, you fucked a table for Christ's sake. And its not like you had a chance. I mean on a scale of one to me you are a negative three." And then Nina starts crying causing Nunnally to go to her in order to calm Nina down, and Suzaku to receive several slaps upside the head by Lelouch and C.C.

Now that that's over and done with, we go to our heroes Kira Yamato, Athrun Zala, Shinn Asuka, and Tails doll who are entering one of the many McDonald's in the city eating and waiting for someone, Tails doll especially enjoying his 32oz soda. "Can you feel the sunshine? Because I sure can!" Shinn asks "Isn't it illegal to have big gulps in New York?" Only to be responded with "Its also illegal to have anal sex in the US and you don't see the feds doing anything about it."

Alias notes: "This is true actually and if you don't believe it look up anti-sodomy laws on the internet."

At that time a young girl in a brown police uniform enters the Mickey D's, looking around she notices our heroes and waves as she goes to them. "Its been a long time Kira and Athrun!" Kira comments

"Hayate Yagami! You came!" Tails doll amazed says "You sure seem to know some hot shots in the TSAB." "Well we all went to school in Nishinomiya. I wasn't close to them at first but after the whole book of darkness incident." Athrun intervenes saying "As long as you don't start talking about the Hanshin Tigers." Hayate then quickly asks Kira "Hey Kira wanna sing the Hanshin tigers hymn?" "Okay, Hayate!" Athrun then face palmed and muttered "motherfucker...

Several minutes later we find Kira and Hayate cheerful, Athrun banging his head on the table, TD indifferent and Shinn moved by it all. "That was beautiful you two. It was like, a church on fire shooting out fire from its fire." Hayate then begins to exposit over some cheeseburgers. Kira looks around and asks "By the way security is really tight in this city." Hayate says "Yes, well there is extra security because the empress of Brittania is in the city and people are trying to kidnap her. Reports say that the Clyne faction is sending people to fight some local gang over territory. Also the Puella Magi group that attacked you is hiding around here somewhere. (sighs and slouches backwards on her chair) What a pain! If only Shamal was here... I could grope her and it would all go away... (spaces out and drools)" Kira upon this sight comments "Hayate should get a girlfriend... Anyway lets ditch her before she starts touching girls in inappropriate places." Athrun adds "And that's no good! We could get charges with the cops.

As our heroes leave we find several groups sitting in tables nearby spying and disguised in trench coats, fedoras, and sunglasses, while hiding behind large newspapers. Among them Char Aznable, Gyunei Guss and Quess Paraya. Char is visibly angry at the situation and somehow the sunglasses and fedora are fitting without problems even with his mask and helmet. And of course the trench coat is red, obviously. "Damn!

Those guys are here!" Char muttered upset. Quess cockily commented with her mouth full of a Big Mac. "Those four dweebs gave you so much trouble captain?" Gyunei puts down his fork and salad and says "Well it seems they are unaware of our presence. I believe we can avoid them." Char shoots it down by yelling "Like hell we will! This is my chance for revenge... REVENGE!" "Captain be reasonable! If we fail this

Lacus Clyne will kill us. Do you really want to piss off that girl?" Gyunei argues when Quess comments "So why don't we split up? You'll deal with kidnapping the empress and the captain and I will deal with those guys. That Ribbons guy gave you some of those Tang monsters right? You can use those." Gyunei relents and says "Fine! I suppose its the best way to do this." Char then says "Then let's go!"

After that we find another five disguised characters looking at Neo Zeon making their exit. The Puella Magi Homura Akemi, Mami Tomoe, Sayaka Miki, Kyoko Sakura, and Yuma Chitose who is the only one eating, basically enjoying a kids meal next to Kyoko. Sayaka comments "Did you girls hear that?" Kyoko comments "Yes, it looks like there will be a big brawl coming soon." Sayaka then says "I've got a plan to deal with this. First we kidnap that girl, she seems to be involved with those Woken-something or others, and use her to get them of our backs." Homura interjects with "That sounds like a very dangerous idea that could very easily backfire." "Well nobody asked you Akemi! You know what? Why don't you go back home so you can plow your imaginary girlfriend!" Homura visibly snaps at Sayaka's comment and with a droning emotionless monotone says "I'm leaving, deal with this stuff yourself..." And stumbles outside and as she finishes leaving the others to the tune of Minnie the moocher proceed to tie up and kidnap Hayate Yagami with Mami's ribbons and a giant sack.

And in the table to the side there are another three characters. A Char Aznable like masked man with a mullet, Full Frontal and his assistants, the white haired pretty boy/Gyunei Guss' opposite, Angelo Sauper and Ko Kergeren or Kergerenko as she is called, a throw away Zeon bridge bunny whose sole purpose in this plot is to serve as Quess Paraya's "evil" twin who says "Hey boss did you see that? Evil plotting from multiple people." Frontal then mentions "Indeed, it seems we got lucky, those fools have laid bare naked their schemes for us to violate. Lacus should have sent someone stronger, but who knows? Maybe I'll be gentle with him, before I beat my rod into his ass. Ko mutters "I think i need an adult" with Frontal saying "I am an adult. Now lets go." Angelo springs off his chair, finishes up an apple pie and yells out in a voice with a pitch like Er's from the mooninites. "Yeah baby! Its time for some Full Frontal! Yeah! Open your eyes to the sunshine!" While air thrusting his dick in public.

We also find Axel Arma and Alfimi Einst among the mysterious groups. Axel is looking intently while Alfimi is looking outside sadly, Axel noticing puts his hand atop Alfimi's head and pats her. "Did you hear that? It looks like something big is afoot in this town." Axel mentions as Alfimi sighs commenting "Does anyone say afoot anymore?" "What's wrong Alfimi?" "Just remembering the time you saved me... Anyway, I don't sense any Einst coming, but there will still be a big fight soon in this city." Axel nods in agreement as Alfimi thinks to herself. "You saved me Axel, now I will save you. I won't let Beowulf kill you"

And finally as they leave we finally have two random guys looking on with the one on the left saying to the one on the right "Told you trench coats and fedoras were back in style."

Outside a few blocks away from the Mc. Donalds, Homura starts to break down in the streets when she suddenly sees Madoka Kaname's backside walking in the opposite street. Shocked, relieved, and teary eyed, Homura runs towards the street jumping into the roofs of the passing cars and trucks to the other side and pushes off people to get to the place she was in thinking "I finally found you! I'm coming, Madoka!"

until tripping and smashing into the pavement knees first causing a scene. Quickly standing up she looks around to see Madoka gone and Homura to mutter Madoka's name holding back tears when the voice of a man grabs her attention. "Madoka, as in Madoka Kaname? Do you know her?" Homura comments "Who wants to know?" when the voice answers "I am Tieria Erde and I was traveling with Madoka until recently.

**ZAFT of the radiance will return after these messages.**

"Hello friends! I am Athrun Zala from the failed series ZAFT of the radiance. And I've come to talk to you all about the future of your country America. Now you're probably wondering, why does Athrun a French Canadian with dual citizenship give a shit about American politics? After don't Canadians have universal single payer healthcare? A higher standard of living, cleaner air, and are devoid of shitholes like New Jersey?

Not to mention peaceful and with far less crime and intolerance? Well, its because your crazy extremism is infecting Canada. Right now dangerous policies of intolerance and militarism are being set all across Canada. And even though I have no idea of who is doing it, I assume it is the fault of you people. Mainly due to the wizard Shawaloo telling me. Now I know America is a filthy piece of crap that makes its politicians rich by ruining everyone and everything else in the world. That if you could you would enslave a primitive race of gopher people because its not slavery if its gopher pygmies from the moon of Yugopotamia who speak in script based dialogue, but we are not gopher pygmies. We are Canadians and makes us better than you."

Paid for by Canadians for a meddling tomorrow.

**ZAFT of the radiance returns.**

Some time after Tieria and Homura met up they went to an isolated airport where the Ptolemaious 2 kai was located, inside a hangar where the other Meisters were located and rather upset. "Well really Tieria. What were you thinking?! We got attacked by monsters, attacked by those Titans/Jovians/Meatballs/whatever the hell they are calling themselves this week and Anew is saying that those two turds that came with Regene are missing. And considering that Ribbons is being seen in shitty dives in southern Houston we've got problems. Oh that and the rumors that the Brittanian empress is in danger." Tieria rubs his chin with his hand and comments "I see, but do you really think Ribbons is in Houston? Remember that Anew also has a fellow model as a Secretary for the President, and about Leif." "I suppose." Lockon answers while throwing his arms in a whatever pose. "Anyway is this the Madoka girl you've been traveling with? Milena is gonna be pissed." Tieria cringes at the thought while Lockon continues with "Don't worry! Mileina is on heavy medication after she tried to kill Regene, and it was INSANE." Tieria breathes a sign of relief as he makes introductions. Well no, this Homura Akemi, she is Madoka's friend and she just vanished while I wasn't watching. And this is Lockon Stratos, Celestial Being's Gundam Meister like myself." Lockon responds with "How you doing little lady? Homura looks sadly at the ground saying "Not well, I've been searching for Madoka for so long. Having to put up with Sayaka Miki and..." Marie Parfacy overhearing this then places her hands on top of Homura's shoulders mentioning "Don't worry, we'll help you out." To which Homura instantly tears up in joy and gratitude complete with the largest Tsukasa Hiragi eyes she could muster.

At that time we find Sumeragi Lee Noriega, Celestial Being's tactical forecaster inside a terminal communicating with the groups top benefactor, Brigadier general Kati Mannequin thru a sound only transmission. Sumeragi holding a can of beer comments to Kati "You're right if those guys are going to make a move, they will do it here. Still its hard to believe that the Federation is directly asking assistance like this." Kati responding with "Deal with it Kujoh, after the A-Laws collapsed there has been a lot of instability in caped circles. Most heroes still have some bad blood against us even with the reforms of the current administration. After all that is the purpose of the hero-con, to recruit new heroes. And Empress Brittania's, Lord Ezelcant's and knight Garcia's meeting with the President is to work out a security treaty with our closest dimensional neighbors. Apparently, ZAFT of the radiance is in the city attending, and the TSAB has a task force in this city chasing some fugitives per request. You are friends with those ZAFT people and according to Veda's records the task force's leader Hayate Yagami not only lived here as a child but has connections with the other group. They will be able to provide backup if necessary." Sumeragi finishes her beer saying "Nice to know, we can take care of that end here." "I normally wouldn't ask you this Kujoh but we are in a dangerous situation and to be honest I have little faith in my direct subordinates. Anyway I'm logging off.

"Might as well contact Setsuna and Allelujah. I hope they aren't too busy." Sumeragi mused as she opened a line to the two. Only to find Allelujah alone in a cafe. "Miss Sumeragi is there a problem?" "Not really, but I need you find Kira and his friends. Bu the way where is Setsuna?" "Sorry he got caught by Graham Aker, and you know how persistent that nerd is." Billy Katagiri and Meena Carmine are also in the table alongside Allelujah with Billy commenting "Sorry Kujoh, I guess I lost track of him. I wouldn't worry though." Billy gets pushed off by Meena who cheerfully comments "Kujoh! How are you! Did you get the cheese I sent?" "Yes I did Meena, it was very good, the rest of the crew felt the same as well..."

Speaking of Setsuna we now cut to see him being tortured by Graham Aker's "genkiness" going thru a crowded New York street. "So boy are we finally going to settle our legendary rivalry? Huh, huh,huh?" "Graham, why don't you go to Poughkeepsie. Maybe you'll find hell in it." "Don't be silly boy! Poughkeepsie IS hell. It is so bad that its energies poison New Jersey making it into the craphole it is. Now come on we must finish our rivalry just like Goku and Vegeta, like Naruto and Sasuke, like... uh..." Setsuna barely holding back his frustration looks at Graham and says to him "Dammit nerd boy! How many times do I have to tell you that..." Suddenly Setsuna notices a large billboard outside Yankee stadium, announcing an open drownball tournament and hatches a plan. "You know what Graham Aker? You're right. Our score must be settled.

(grabs Graham and shows him the billboard.) There, in a drownball tournament.

Cut to Graham underwater with many people around him to the commentary of JR Ross and Jerry "The king" Lawyer. Still in zombie form after the events of the Char games. JR excitedly comments "And so begins another round of exciting drownball action King!" "brains..." "Yes Jerry this really is a slobberknocker of a tournament with many drownballers coming from all around dimension space!" "brains..." Yes Jerry this is a rip off of an 8bit theater joke, but nobody really reads this stuff so its all good." "brains..." "Anyway we got some stiff competition this time special mention goes to an amazing new contender Graham Aker who is performing splendidly in a way not seen since... Meanwhile we cut to Setsuna sneaking out of Yankee Stadium snickering evilly.

Finally we meet up with the Wokenritter in the same Mc. Donalds of before looking for Hayate Yagami their mistress. As they look around Vita approaches Sigmun with her legendary calm and composure involving Hayate's well being. And by that I mean being bound and gagged by Sigmun who has reached the limits of her patience with Vita's screaming. "Look Vita we will find mistress Hayate. There is no need to worry, Bakura will find her without fail." And as if on cue said Bakura, Shamal gives her status report while teary eyed "Sorry Sigmun, someone is blocking the signal, I'm sorry!" Sigmun sighs and tells her "Don't worry Bakura." "Its Shamal Sigmun." "Bakura it will be okay." Suddenly Agito flies inside alongside a eight foot tall bipedal alpaca yelling "Sigmun danna! I found someone who says saw Hayate." Sigmun asks "Do you mean this guy?" Agito nods in confirmation and says "This guy is Asakima... er... Tsukimura... er... Hiro... shi... ma?" The alpaca monster thing tosses a business card shuriken style at Sigmun who reads it. "Tuskishimaalpaca, Chief clerk for the Blatantly evil 4kids multimedia corporation." Then said alpaca begins to speak "Yes alpaca! I saw that girl, she was drooling and mumbling something about how she would like to fondle Sigmun's breasts. (Cue an embarrassed Sigmun and the other Wokenritter laughing even the gagged Vita) And some little girls in magical girl cosplay went and stuffed her in a sack and ran off towards 52nd street paca. Officers? Are you all right paca?" Sigmun stood up and yelled out "Assemble the Wokenritter Bakura! We are going to war!" Sigmun frees Vita and calls for Zafira while alpaca muses to himself. "Excellent alpaca! With this and Full Frontal's help we will be able to crush a large number of the opposition. Soon 4kids will have its revenge on anime fans paca. By killing all anime paca! Bwahahahahahahaha!"

And so the next day comes and everyone goes to the Chrysler building where the Hero con and diplomatic meetings will take place. What will happen? Stay tuned!

**To be continued.**


	33. Road trip 9: Pileup at the Chrysler

**ZAFT of the radinace**

_A legendary martial arts master... Renowned by all for his feats of sheer badassery... So awesome that he plays Guardian heroes with Chuck Norris using all the characters, at once... He heroically fell in battle in the defense of Sega... Long forgotten by the world he now lives in the planet Gamindustri... He is... Segata Sanshiro! _

**Segata Sanshiro returns.**

We return to the location of our previous chapter as Segata Sanshiro is ready to pound Trick the hard and his goons into hamburger. Trick orders "Okay boys show them what you can do!" Only to find out they bailed on him. "Well crap... (cough cough) Anyways I don't need them I can take you on my-" Suddenly Trick is tackled out of the way by an enraged Brave the hard looking for blood yelling "I CAN STILL FIGHT! LADY UNI I LOVE YOU!" Only to be taken out by a passing by rocket that explodes in his face with a female voice saying "Damn! I missed Trick!" "Blast?" "Oh, hi Segata!" "What are you doing here?"

"You took too long." "Okay dammit! I demand answers! Why are you so obsessed with killing Trick anyway?!" Trick then suddenly got up and was rather surprised at seeing Blast as she continues, saying. "Because he was my lover!" A soap opera organ chord plays out as Segata and suddenly everyone else in the building appearing in the room from out of nowhere, flatly saying "what?"

**Season 2 Chapter 9: Pileup at the Chrysler**

**Written by Aliastheabnormal**

For the first time in a fair while we begin focusing on our somewhat overshadowed by awesome main characters Kira Yamato, Athrun Zala, Shinn Asuka, and Tails doll. As they look around the hero-con where different organization compete to obtain the next elite cannon fodder out there in a sea of people whom typically have NO idea what they are signing up for. Excitement fills the air as the Chrysler buildings lower floors are filled to capacity with aspiring heroes. And if you are asking why its in an office building instead of a convention center like in real life, it is primarily because I have never been to New York and get all my geographical information from Wikipedia. "Well that explains a lot." Commented Athrun after hearing the explanation and going around offices looking for the heroic qualification paperwork needed to formally enlist. Kira asked Athrun "Athrun I have to ask, what made you change your mind? I mean not too long ago you were kicking and screaming about our mansion being destroyed every couple of weeks." Athrun freezes realizing he is trouble and thinking to himself "Crap,this is bad. If they find out I skipped town to avoid the creditors. And that this whole thing is a scam to get support money from the Justice league I'm screwed!" "Athrun! Are you okay? (looks around) Oh hey isn't that Shamal?" Commented Kira as he went to say hi. "Shamal!" Shamal looks at Kira happy that for once somebody called her by her name instead of Bakura.

"Oh hi Kira, how are you doing?" "Quite fine and you?" "Not so good... Sigmun and the rest of us are looking for Hayate it seems she got kidnapped." "By who?" "Apparently by those Puella magi girls we were chasing around. Sigmun, Zafira and especially Vita are enraged to say the least." Athrun then calls Shamal with "Hey Bakura! Whats going on?" To which Shamal goes into depression in response. Tails doll then comments "Can you feel the sunshine? Hey isn't she one of those four who helped us back in Beverly Hills?" Shamal nodded and said "Yes, I am Shamal a doctor in the TSAB." "So Ryou Bakura right?" With a twitchy eye and forced smile Shamal responds with "I am not bloody Bakura. I mean, just because I have a British accent and have little importance to the plot doesn't make me Bakura." Tails doll nods and answers "You are totally right. (Shamal smiles) You're actually Yugi's Grandpa!" "I better get going" Shamal muttered before leaving.

Afterwards our protagonists began the paperwork to become heroes. But that stuff is boring so screw that shit, lets get to the good stuff!

Our heroes are now admiring random crap that has no place in a convention that much like EVERYTHING that you can touch in the games is bound to do something for the plot and eventual big fight. "Well the narrator is getting rather opinionated now." Commented Kira to Athrun who added "He needs to get laid" And in Aperture we cut to Alias commenting "They will suffer for that remark..." Shinn meanwhile is listening to a TSAB officer offering information in their assigned booth. The man wearing a brown uniform typical of the Mid-Childa ground forces next to a screen explaining some of the history of dimensional space.

"As you know the worlds in this universe are primarily separated into small pockets of space time. There is enough room outside a world for things like space colonies and orbital elevators to be feasible but typically the boundaries reach their limit about a light year from the world. This boundaries were created after the Might Gaine incident of mid 19XX where the other dimensional toy company Dakara's board at the time was killed by the Brave type super robot Might Gaine. The destruction caused a massive ripple effect that almost destroyed a fair number of multiverses until the interference of the first author kongking79 whom stabilized the dimensions merging them together into a single space, separated by traversable barriers much like what you see in Kingdom Hearts. There have been so far three author periods over the years with kongking79 followed by Plasmidpete101, who is then followed by Aliastheabnormal."

At that time Shinn sees a little girl in distress and goes to check up on her. "Hey little girl are you alright?" This girl being Yuma Chitose looks at Shinn and says "Well I'm lost, I got separated from Kyoko and that **bitch **

Miki. I mean, how dare that **whore** get in the way! I've known Kyoko much longer and..." "Whoa calm down little girl. Anyway I'm sure Sigmun and the others can help out they are bureau members." Shinn comments to which Yuma reacts in worry, only for an apparition of Rika Furude complete with horns and bat wings, appears in her shoulder saying "This is your chance Yuma! All you need to do is point those Bureau dudes at Miki so that they kill her. That way you will have Kyoko all to yourself!" Then Rena Ryugu intercedes appearing on Yuma's other shoulder with a halo and angel wings saying. "Don't do it! Kyoko wouldn't want that!" Rika then shot back with "Aw come on! I don't wanna hear that from you!" "But murder is bad Rika chan!" "Oh, come on! You're a psycho too. I mean..." Suddenly Rika looks toward the camera and speaks to the audience. "Look audience we ALL know Rena here is nuts. Google it, some of those faces look like something out of a rape hentai." Shinn then intercedes with "Who are those loli's anyway?" Yuma in shock says

"You can see them?" Suddenly the the dessert witch Charlotte appears in her candy wrapper form besides Shinn who then comments " I like cheese." Shimm adds "I like fire" and continues with "I like cheese" "I like "I like fire" "I like cheese" and so on. Yuma weirded out goes to find Rika and Rena only to find Rika dead in a puddle of blood with Rena holding a meat cleaver covered in blood and with a face that would scare Hitler giggling insanely and muttering " I'll never leave Oyatoshi-sama" over and over again, and after that Yuma quickly shuffles out not knowing she is being watched by Erio Mondal.

At that time Athrun browsed around a stall that sold soda odd due to the fact that its in a corner and looked kinda shady, even if it had a fair number of people. Going there he finds Yzak Joule and Dearka Elsman selling cups of soda all 32 ounces and higher. Athrun amazed commented "Yzak, Dearka what are you doing here?" Dearka looks at Athrun and explains "We are selling the crack of tomorrow my friend! Ever since Bloomberg made big gulps illegal we have been setting up a black market for large soda cups." Yzak added "Yeah! Its cheaper than buying two normal cups, safer for the environment, and you're sticking it to the man!" Dearka then said "Its like Napster you can drink!" "What about the cops?" Athrun asked to which Dearka gleefully commented. "The cops?! Yzak has them covered. I mean its the NYPD. Just give them some big gulps and donuts and they see nothing. Besides, we as dealers are doing God's work anyway. I mean if people weren't meant to smoke weed and drink big gulps, God wouldn't have put them on Earth."

Kira meanwhile is sitting down resting in a group of chairs talking to a small white haired humanoid. "Its been a while since Athrun and I saw Hayate Rein." The humanoid cheerfully eating a tomato is called Reinforce Zwei or Rein for short and is Hayate's Unison device. "Indeed desu! Still I'm worried about Hayate." "Maybe I can help?" "No, there is a security alert desu. Anyway, I heard from your mother that something is wrong with Cagali." Kira frowns and gains a sour expression "So what? After all that happened..." "Anyway she is back in Japan, and has been drinking her woes away in your mothers house, desu." Then an explosion rocks the building shattering windows and causing alarms to set off. "What the frank was that desu?!" Rein yelled out and Kira answered "The security problem." As the two head to find the others Rein tries to contact the other Wokenritter whom seem to have cut off communications. And strange orange bodied humanoids with blank gray masks and grey twin pronged lances burst out of the floor alongside Beelzebub another AT fiend, like Ose it is humanoid with gray knight plating in the chest and an orange viscous body. Only this time possessing a fly's head and black scarf. As most of the participants run away in a panic. Rein rushes toward the bureau clerks with Kira meeting up with Shinn and Tails doll who angrily yells out. "What is going on here?!"

At that time Quess Paraya is in the parking guarded by the orange creatures which are called AT-flunkies by Ribbons Almark. Hidden away Lelouch Lamperouge and his motley crew plus guest party member

Nina Einstein look on worriedly. "Damn, so what do we do Lelouch?" Asked Suzaku with visible worry. To which he responded "I'll tell you what were gonna do guys..." And after a dramatic moment of silence says "We are getting the hell out of here." With Nunally and C.C. Nodding in agreement. Then Quess gleefully comments "This is so cool! With this they will never realize we came to kill Euphemia Vi Brittania for a ridiculously petty reason! I mean this chaos makes it all worthwhile with having to put up with Lacus Clyne!" C.C. mutters "Wow, that was, really plot convenient." And Nina just flips the fuck out yelling. "I will never let them hurt my waifu!" And jumps out to an utterly shocked Lelouch and co, rushing towards Quess yelling "NINAAAA EINSTEEEIIINNNNN!" Nunally then mentioned "Go Nina! The power of love

conquers all!" And as Nina runs she gets speared in the left lung by a flunky's lance with force so great that it tears thru her and smashes into the car where Lelouch and co were hiding. And was promptly beaten senseless torn to pieces and left for dead in a broken, bleeding slump. After several moments in shock Lelouch says "We gotta get out of here." "But what about Euphie?" Yelled Nunnally to which Lelouch responded in frustration. "If we get killed here no one is gonna be able to save her... I don't like this any more than you do." "What about Nina, big brother?" Suzaku blurted out "I guess she died in her majesty's service." And gets elbowed in the gut by Nunnally as the group sneaked out of the area. Not knowing they were being observed by Ribbons Almark from a screen in Pink castle. "I found you, Lelouch Vi Britannia. And C.C.

as well. With the power of the king... I will be able to reclaim everything I lost..." And smiles while the A-Laws background music that always plays around Ribbons reaches a crescendo.

Meanwhile at the conference room Full Frontal, Angelo Sauper, and Kergenko lie on the ground completely defeated by Lord Ezelcant. Who is basically a scrawny old man with a single bang of hair on the front, a drill shaped ahoge in the back, has Gundam's worst fashion sense this side of Duke Dermail and a ridiculously huge nose. In other words... HE LOOKS RIDICULOUS! And he curbstomped three newtypes half his age. With everyone in the room including Euphemia Vi Brittania, Karen Garcia and a buttload of military police looking in awe and boasting. "I am Lord Fezarl motherfucking Ezelcant! I smack around little bitch ass punks like you three for my morning routine!" And by stomping his right foot on the ground the floor explodes launching the trio off the nearby windows. One of the MP's whispers to Garcia "How did he do that?" Garcia responded with "The guy has radiation poisoning too and is at least a 150 years old. Its more or less consensus that only the author could kill him." Another MP comments "I heard that Ezelcant's badassery can cure cancer." And the comments continue "I heard he stopped an erupting volcano by looking at it" "I heard he has the Sharingan, the Rinnegan, and the Jagen eye which he got by beating Hiei, Itachi Uchiha, and Tobi in a sword fighting contest."

Anyways, now that that kudzu plot has been trimmed... "This...sucks..." Muttered Lelouch as he and the rest of the group minus Nunally have been smashed by the falling bad guys of the previous scene. C.C. Tries to get up complaining "Why did I even come here?" Suzaku moaned out in frustration "Shut up Cecilia! Nobody asked you to come!" C.C. rockets back to her feet yelling out. "Its C.C.!" Suzaku gets up as well and begins to argue. "Oh come on! That is retarded!" "Retarded! This coming from the guy who thought an eleven could score with a Brittanian empress! Lelouch then joins in "What did you two say?! How dare you C.C. talk bad about Euphemia! And Suzaku if that is really true, I WILL MURDER YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS!" (Suzaku) (chuckles) Yeah, I'd love to see that, coming from the guy who got his ass kicked in a race with Shirley Fennete." (C.C.) Indeed Lulu, the only things you're good at is sending people off to die, and being a bigger ham than your bloated whale of a father." (Suzaku) Don't call Charles a bloated whale!" (C.C.) Then stop helping bloated whales gain ultimate power over god!" (Suzaku) "Hello pot, this is kettle, I'm here calling to tell you you are black!" (Lelouch) Wow, I've never seen this psychotic side of you two. I'm amazed you can pull it off." (Suzaku) You wanna get Spinzaku'd in the balls, buddy?" (C.C.) Those are MY balls dammit!" And so the trio continues fighting. Rapidly degrading into a brawl with Nunally sighing dejectedly and riding off in her wheelchair into a crowd of people escaping to safety, considering that New York is a warzone right now and stuff.

Back at the expo site, we are still deep in monsters... (monster gets tossed into a table) yeah... (monster gets blown up) still monstery all around... (monster runs around screaming with its head on fire) I have such a case of writers block right now... (monster gets impaled with a umbrella) You know, it would be nice if the admins would explain why they delete stories like what happened to me... (monster's severed head rolls around in the ground) I mean, I'm practically living in fear of this stuff... (monster runs away and jumps off a window) I mean, was it the grammar? Or the commercial promos? I mean ******* ****** ***** **** ******** is pretty good... (monster runs towards the fight armed with a folding chair) And even after the rewrites, I keep finding more problems. (monster walks off with a 32oz Coke) Its so frustrating! And frankly I kinda wish I could just take a temporary hiatus from this. (several monsters run away in a panic) I wonder what happened to the Iranian who read this story? I'm guessing the Republican guard has killed him by now. Kinda feel bad about it. (giant energy beam flies thru, blowing up one of the exhibitions) You put the lime in the coconut and drink it all down. (explosions) You put the lime in the coconut and drink it all down.

(more explosions) You put the lime in the coconut and drink it all down. (Michael Bay approved giant explosion) You put the lime in the coconut and drink it all down. (eerie silence) Guess the mooks are all dead now.

"Okay fly thing! Your time is up! Just tell us who you're working for and we'll kill you quickly." Athrun threatened alongside his teammates and Rein when Quess burst through the floor levitating, with even more AT-flunkies saying "That would be me. Now Beelzebub, get them." "Yes mistress I will leave no survivors." "Good fly monster thing. Now to find the Captain and Gyunei and finish the job." And as if on cue a communication from Char appears heavily charred and visibly shaken saying "We gotta get out of here Quess!" Gyunei butts in and adds "The city has gone to hell, everyone is evacuating and it looks like some tentacle monsters, Celestial Being, The Scirrocco force, Federation troops, And a bunch of monsters led by an Alpaca are fighting each other like crazy. But at least I've got some wonderful olive oil at a fantastic price as well as some lamb chops, so I thought we could have some pan seared lamb, with the oil and some garlic cloves for that extra zing." Char adds "So head to the rendezvous point in the drownball tournament pronto!"

Char cuts off to an amazed Quess who looks around to see Beelzebub facing our heroes, and promptly proceeds to leave muttering "Really, how many times are those guys going to change their name? And now I'm hungry..."

Beelzebub begins to fire green snot at our heroes which they dodge, while Rein uses her magic, and shockingly decent Aikido moves to defeat the fiends. Even switching into her child sized big mode, finishing up the mooks by tossing one to the other two remaining, taking out one while the other dives out of the way only to be met by Rein performing a diving axe kick yelling "Blood for Odin desu!" and crushing the crap out of the last goons skull. Meanwhile Kira and Athrun double team Beelzebub giving him two good side kicks while Shinn jumped off their shoulders and gave a flying kick that knocked him on his ass. Tails doll then says

"Stand back everyone. I'll finish him off!" And then the screen turns black and a rock instrumental version of Can you feel the sunshine starts to play in the background. As Tails doll transforms into a cannon, by making his feet vanish, with his tails going straight upwards revealing a targeting sight and somehow sprouting a trigger from his crotch area complete with a cannon muzzle from whatever Tails doll has for a mouth which Kira grabs while Athrun and Shinn support it from the side grabbing Tails doll's arms in a Power Rangers/Super Sentai manner. Athrun yells out "Abomination cannon ready!" and Kira and Shinn yelling "Suck it down!"

as Kira pulls the trigger launching a large ball of green energy that directly connects with Beelzebub causing a massive explosion while our heroes toss upwards the Abomination cannon which becomes Tails doll again and pose. And as the music ends and our heroes celebrate the background returns, now covered in the gory remains of Beelzebub. Including Rein who is small again, and buried in a pile of the AT fiends gore and dismembered face. Athrun mutters an "Oh crap." Shinn annoyed yells out "What gives? This never happened in Sentai?!" And Kira responded with "Well what were you expecting? In real life stuff doesn't just evaporate in an explosion."

And so one part of our story ends. Stay tuned for the next part. Where Mami Tomoe dies... again...

**To be continued...**


	34. Road trip 10: Brooklyn rage

**ZAFT of the radiance**

_A legendary martial arts master... Renowned by all for his feats of sheer badassery... So awesome that a sumo wrestler exploded twice from his judo flip. He heroically fell in battle in the defense of Sega... Long forgotten by the world he now lives in the planet Gamindustri... He is... Segata Sanshiro! _

**Segata Sanshiro returns**

Last time in Segata Sanshiro returns...

"Damn! I missed Trick!" "Blast?" "Oh, hi Segata!" "What are you doing here?" "You took too long." "Okay dammit! I demand answers! Why are you so obsessed with killing Trick anyway?!" Trick then suddenly got up and was rather surprised at seeing Blast as she continues, saying. "Because he was my lover!" A soap opera organ chord plays out as Segata and suddenly everyone else in the building appearing in the room from out of nowhere, flatly saying "what?"

We pick up where we last left off now with soap opera organ music added for proper ambiance. Basically everyone is shocked at the fact that Trick the hard was Blast's ex-lover, Blast begins explaining her past.

"It all began when I was a young child of 8. I was in a Catholic sermon with which Trick was the head priest, when we fell in love. It was a forbidden love since Catholic priests were only allowed to molest young boys so that the church doesn't have to pay child support. But we were discovered, and he was dismissed. We ran away together and I was confident in my new life. Until he dumped me! For getting too old! Can you believe it Segata?!" After a moment of awkward silence Segata just bluntly says "Screw this I'm outta here! I'll find Sat some other way."

**Season 2 Chapter 10: Brooklyn rage**

**Written by Aliastheabnormal**

We find ourselves back at the beginning of Chapter 8 time frame wise as we go Sonic adventure on this storyline. We are now in a hallway in the Hilton hotel where Lord Ezelcant as well as his general Zeheart Gallete, his adjutant Fram Nara and super pirate Asemu Asuno are getting over a major hangover. Well at least everyone other than Ezelcant who already left for a morning jog. Asemu a tall blond man with a somewhat Taichi Yagami like hair some stubble and a scar on his eye who loves to wear black puts his back against the wall and yells out. "Oh god, why the fuck do I keep getting involved with you people?!" Fram Nara a young girl with purple hair who hopefully will survive the anime, considering that she is a fusion of Reccoa Londe and Sarah Zabinarov with Lalah Sune's newtype powers and Tsundere thrown into the mix. Commented "Aren't you Mater Zeheart's friend?" Asemu snaps back with "That doesn't mean its a good idea to... (pukes on the floor) FUCKER! Where is Zeheart anyway?" Fram answered "Well he said he was looking for something." Then Zeheart appears in all his long white haired, slight tan, and Char masked glory carrying a metallic box with a big red button on top yelling out "Gentlemen, BEHOLD!" And as he prepares to press the button Asemu screams out "Wait! What the hell is that?!" Zeheart responds with "I'm not sure actually. I made it while drunk and apparently it says press to cure hangover. I tried it, it actually works." Asemu then says that still sounds like a bad idea." Zeheart points at Asemu and with a view of determination says. "How would you know if you don't try! After all if people didn't try we wouldn't have reached the stars! We wouldn't have the internet! We wouldn't have Sonic Colors which finally saved the Sonic franchise from the taint of Sonic 06! Its the spirit of adventure Asemu! The spirit of adventure!" "I'll try it." comments Fram as she gets up. "Besides! This is like those TV shows where people get superpowers!" And Fram then smiles at least as much as her face allows, considering her standard face is in I'm gonna fucking violate you with my rage mode. While Zeheart pushes the button and Asemu looks on in worry only for it to fail and after a moment of silence mentioning. "Well, what now?"

Now we go to Fort Hamilton where the Ptolemaious 2 and its crew, as well as the Gundam meisters, suited up and on standby Lockon Stratos is drinking some water from a bottle and putting it aside while the others got inside their mobile suits. Most notably Tieria Erde who is doing some adjustments to Raphael Gundam. "G-diffuser is at 100% Feldt, Milena." Commented Tieria with Milena responding "Everything is okay here too Mr. Erde desu!" "I'm surprised Milena I was sure therapy wouldn't work on you." "It didn't desu! I'm still going to make you my husband!" Tieria shuts off the screen and sighs dejectedly. Meanwhile Lockon is asking Allelujah about Marie. "Where's Soma anyways? She usually is the first one to get into the cockpit." "Marie is helping out Homura along with Regene. By the way Lockon, has Anew found those two idiots that Regene brought with him?" "Revive and Healing? Who knows? Anew tried using Veda to do a GPS search of the two but no luck." Setsuna chimes in suddenly with "I wouldn't worry too much, even if they find Ribbons they still can't do much harm."

At that time in the backstreets around East River Park, Homura Akemi alongside Marie Prefacy and Regene Regetta are heading towards a meeting place where someone claiming to be able to represent Madoka Kaname. Homura rushing with haste while Marie and Regene barely keep pace. Regene blurts out "Slow down Akemi! You're going too fast! Why am I even here anyways?" Marie annoyed says "Because you're hiding from Tieria after he found out you were storing porn inside Veda. And why do you even NEED porn? You people don't even have penises." "I do have a dick! And its fucking huge! Bigger than Allelujah's

I'll say that much, the little fuck." As Regene finished the comment Soma Pieres emerged from inside Marie and tackled Regene to the ground and with a look of demonic rage snarling out "Say that about Allelujah again and I will fucking break you, you dickless twat!" Regene looks terrified until he sees two people coming down from the nearby roofs. A man commenting "Can't let you do that, Celestial being." Soma stands up and begins to mutter "Not you a... You're not Scirocco." The blue haired girl then quietly and slowly muttered. "We are not involved with Lacus Clyne or her minions. He is Axel Almer, and I am Alfimi Einst. You killed my father, prepare to die." Axel then goes to Alfimi and pats her on the shoulder mentioning "That never happened." "What are those two doing Axel?" Alfimi points to Soma and Regene who are talking amongst themselves.

"So are those guys from Katharon or something?" Regene asked Soma who yelled out "Does it matter!" "The blue haired girl is cute." "Dammit Regene! Now isn't the time! (facepalms and sighs) I could be in Maui right now. Where the sun is shining, and the government respected your god given right to drink soda in cups of 32 ounces or higher." "So now what? Somarie?" "Isn't it obvious? Kick their asses!" "Whatever happened to understanding each other?" "Do I look like the albino?" The duo of Regene and Soma go into their fighting poses, which in Regene's case is a really retarded crane stance not seen since 1980's martial arts comedies. Meanwhile Axel readies himself with his Mizuchi blade in sword mode which appears like the Exia's GN sword and rushes off towards Regene catching Alfimi off guard as she stumbles to get her katana Oni-renge ready leaving an opening for Soma to perform a spinning heel kick straight into Alfimi's face telling out "Can you feel the sunshine?". Smashing her into a nearby fence breaking it. At that time Regene is getting punched repeatedly in the face by Axel when he notices Soma's attack Regene mentions "Wow, that was fast." To which Axel responds with a hook to the gut which drops Regene flat on the ground in spasms and rushes to Alfimi's side while Soma looks on rather smugly. "Yeah, that's right bitch!" Soma blurted out and continued with "You think you're hot stuff you little loli? Why don't you come back when you fill out more! And who's that muscle headed meatbag? Meanwhile inside her head. (Marie) "Maybe you should stop this Soma..." (Soma) You worry too much Marie, I mean look at her. She goes down with a kick, and she can't even hold a sword! She's probably stoned as shit seeing how slow she speaks!" (Marie) "What about the guy?" (Soma) HA! I'm not scared! I can take her! Then I can have my way with the lummox, and...

holy... shit... As Soma brags Alfimi went into an unstoppable rage mode complete with a creepy blue aura, katana twirling worthy of a Bruce Lee movie finishing in a straight lunge to the side with her right arm stretched out. Performing a flash step right into Soma's face with Soma internally saying "Marie, a little help here... Marie? Hello? Help..." When Alfimi grabs Soma's face, and looking into her states

"I'm gonna FUCKING rape you." and promptly stabs Soma with her katana and begins to violently rape her while Axel and Regene watch on. And Regene telling Axel "This is actually kinda hot."

And now we cut to what Homura Akemi was doing as she is led to a conveniently asspulled underground ruin. Running desperately into its depths, until reaching its core a large room with much rubble and piping. Homura looks around somewhat concerned. After looking around for a fair time she becomes disenchanted and sits down next to a corner in a part with a hole in the roof in which she could see the sky from.

"Madoka..." Homura looks toward her right arm and summons a black bow from out of nowhere, and looks to her left arm to see her shield/time stop device. "A distortion in the dimensional space. Were those two telling the truth?" When footsteps are suddenly heard echoing across. Immediately springing up to her feet Homura pulls out a Desert eagle revolver removing the safety and going into the shadows. Then a small girl appears from the shadows alongside a silver croquet mallet commenting "So this is where those Puella Magi were hiding out? That Q.B. Ey guy sure likes to run us ragged huh Graf Eisen?" Eisen responded with an eager "The streets of the motherland shall flow red with the blood of the Intelligent devices." Vita looks at Eisen with some discomfort and swings it around. "I wish that you would try to be more sensitive Eisen."

"But Mein Fuhrer! The inferior Intelligent devices must be slain for the good of the Armed devices, the chosen race that will lead the world!" Vita groans in frustration and says "We wasted too much time with this. After all we are here so save Hayate. I'm gonna crush those girls all on my own. After all if Sigmun and the others come they will try to kill them as well, but I won't let them steal my kills."

"Damn! This isn't good!" Homura thought to herself as she spied on Vita from a distance trying to obtain some distance when Graf Eisen blurts out "Pferde!" and appears right behind an utterly shocked Homura who barely turned around when Vita smashed Homura's buckler shield, damaging it considerably as Homura leaps out an angry and aggressive Vita who continues to take the offensive. Homura leads Vita into a wall and wall jumps off it as Vita uses her Giganthammer to smash into the wall with the falling rubble forming a dust cloud, giving Homura enough time to use her bow to fire off an arrow straight into the dust cloud and causing an explosion. But as the dust settles, a red barrier glows revealing Vita who quickly fires off a series of Kometfliegen volleys which Homura counters by separating her bow in half and using it as twin swords to slice thru the steel balls making them explode behind her. Vita rather irked yells out "What the hell!? That wasn't in the show!" Homura smiles wryly commenting "Because I'm that awesome." Vita yells out "You wanna fuck with me?! I'm gonna save Hayate and rip out your head off and shit down your neck! Eisen!" "Explosion!" Graf Eisen yells out as it uses three cartridges to power a Gigantschlag smashing thru the roof of the wreckage with Homura jumping and rolling off the crashing hammer combining her swords into a bow charging up five arrows and shooting them off, hitting Vita and knocking her off and into a wall, separating her from her hammer which turns to normal. Getting up Vita who is growing ever angrier looks and rushes to Graf Eisen which Homura intercepts with an arrow. As the two face each other off a girls voice yells out "Stop!" and a massive flash of light appears suddenly revealing a girl dressed in white with long pink hair and her face obscured by light. Vita angrily yells out "Who are you dammit?!" In response the girl says

"I am Penitent Gretchen or rather Kriemhild Gretchen as she should have been!" And Homura quietly murmurs as she falls on her ass in tears "Ma...doka?" And as the light dies down it reveals Madoka in her

goddess form, which Homura gleefully tackles and glomps knocking both on the ground to a rather shocked Vita. As the duo get up with Homura helping Madoka get up and immediately glomping her again diving into her chest muttering "homu... homu..." all the way even starting to smell her much to Madoka's awkwardness and Vita's frustration who yells out. "What the hell gives?! You think you're hot shit?! You think you're better than me?! You think you have a better moe, lesbian, bodyguard crush than **ME** Vita, the knight of the iron hammer?! Well you're not! I own you! I own your planet! I own this planet! In fact (Explosion)

fuck this planet!" (Raketenhammer) Vita enraged lunges at Madoka who pushes Homura out of the way and takes the full force of the hit causing an explosion with Vita yelling out. "You're dead bitch!" and tries to pull off her hammer which doesn't come out with Vita sporting an insane grin yelling out. "Yes! I smashed into her head so hard that I penetrated her skull and its in so deep that Eisen can't be taken out!" And then a gust of wind reveals Madoka merely grabbing the pointy end of Graf Eisen without much effort until it peters out and Vita lands on the ground stunned at the turn of events with Madoka cheerfully saying "Are you done?"

And Vita nodding in confirmation, which is followed by a swift uppercut to her face by Madoka that launches outside the wrecked building, thru New York's skyline and landing on a coffee shop next to where Sigmun is finishing up a call. Who looks at Vita now smashed limp into a broken table and calmly tells her "Aaah. There you are Vita, Apparently Bakura and Zafira found the Puella Magi holding mistress Hayate hostage. We are to meet in the roof of the Chrysler building and prepare the attack, lets go." And with that Sigmun readies her knight clothing and Levantine and flies off with Vita struggling to stay up and fly going with her.

"Yes Sigmun..."

Back at the ruins Madoka switches back to her normal pink costume in a short flash of light. "Its been a long time, Homura." Homura barely able to keep a straight face falls on her knees sobbing. When Madoka pats her on the head calming her down. At that time Axel and Alfimi show up together with Alfimi's clothes covered with blood, Axel tells Madoka "Hey kid, We're back. Is that the girl you wanted to see?"

Alfimi stroked her chin and mutters "Now that I take a good look, she is one of those girls from the other world." Axel then crossing his arms says "So I suppose we should explain about the Einst and the

freaky furry?" Madoka nods in agreement and summoning some chairs for everyone to sit in begins exposition. "First the dimensional problems, basically the walls that divide reality are weakening once more. I'm sure you know a little about the Might Gaine incident?" Homura nods and answers "Yes, the fourth wall was broken irreparably and many universes were destroyed. The authors were sent to restore the shattered worlds and created the current dimensional space. Nowadays we have many different worlds living together in differing levels of combination." Alfimi adds "Yes, for example this is The world of 00 one of several Gundam worlds and among them are The world of SEED, where the real versions of the leads come from. The world of Age, where Veigan exists. The world of UC, where Char Aznable and Lalah Sune came from as well as Full Frontal. Whom share similarities but are individual in many ways. Then there are worlds like the world of Zelda and the world of Golden Sun, where the worlds once separated thru space and time fused into a composite world and people. And even unique worlds like the world of white space." Axel continued with "Me and Alfimi actually come from beyond the dimensional space actually we came here after being attacked by the Einst and got picked up by Madoka who sent us to your world."

At that time we find ourselves in the roof of the Chrysler were the other Puella Magi are watching what has become chaos in the city. Giant robots and monsters everywhere and even people inside the building panicking to safety. Kyoko Sakura and Yuma Chitose are watching the mess and Kyoko worriedly notions. "Maybe we should get out of here everyone." Sayaka Miki brushes it off saying "No worries, no worries! Right Mami?" cutting to a depressed Mami Tomoe sitting on top of Hayate Yagami's face which itself is beneath a puddle of drool and blood from a nosebleed. "Who cares..." Kyoko and Yuma look both shocked and worried at Mami's reaction whom continues with "What's the point of all this... I mean, think about it. We're just anime character parodies, an exaggeration of our canon persona's whom exist merely for the amusement of the three or four people who stumble into this part of a larger website. I've died over and over again only to be revived in a way that would make Krillin blush. I'm nothing but a fucking Waspinator with boobs!

Hell, I bet I'll die right..." And before Mami ends speaking her head is blown off by a metal ball, leaving a hole in the front of her head dropping dead. Kyoko then yells out "Oh my god! They killed Mami!" and Yuma adds "You bastards!" And with a musical power up it happens. From the shadows four figures appear yelling out. "I am the knight of the sword, the mighty general of fire. Sigmun!" "Sword fairy of the raging fire, Agito" "Knight of the crimson hammer, the unbreakable iron count. Vita!" "I am the knight of the lake, the maiden of the healing wind. Shamal!" "And I am the shielding blue beast, guardian beast of steel, Zafira!" "We are the swirling clouds that gather across the night sky, Belka Sentai (ass kicking poses) Wokenritter!" (explosions) When Sigmun prepares to talk she is interrupted by Vita who yells out "I'm going to murder

and rape you!" Erio jumps in front and tries to restrain Vita yelling "Calm down Captain Vita!" Only to be tossed aside by her in her rage yelling out. "I've had enough!" and proceeding to beat Erio to within an inch of his life much to the shock and horror of her opponents while the other Wokenritter just watched on.

After the beating which left Erio broken and near dead, looking at the remaining three Puella Magi whom ready their weapons and in a shocking display of competence Sayaka lays out a plan. "Okay, we're pretty much outmanned and outgunned here with Akemi gone. So here's the plan, Yuma can you get Mami back on her feet again? (Yuma nods in confirmation) Good, get her back up while me and Kyoko hold these

five off, don't do anything crazy, just stall for time. When Mami is back up we retreat thru the skyline using Mami's Tiro Finale to blast a hole in the roof between us and the Wokenritter. We will then use the chaos to escape, split off and rendezvous in the back entrance of Yankee's stadium in four hours." After a sizable silence from Kyoko and Yuma, Sayaka gets angry and yells "What?" with Yuma bluntly saying "That was a surprisingly well thought out plan coming from you." Sigmun then yells at the trio "Did you finish saying your goodbyes already?" Agito then continued with "Any last words before mistress makes you her bitches?"  
>With Zafira transforming into wolf form telling Agito "That comment was disturbing in so many levels..." Shamal notices and mentions "Why isn't Rein here anyway?"<p>

At that time inside the convention. We find ourselves once again in the scene where Kira, Athrun and Shinn fire the Abomination cannon complete with a "Suck it down!" and massive explosion that splatters the monsters tangy guts all over the place with Reinforce Zwei getting splattered by a large part of the remains burying her in the stuff and smashing the ground yelling out "Oh god! It smells like Hayate's juices desu!"

Back at the roof fight, both sides of magical girls square off with weapons in tow. Sayaka whispers to Kyoko and Yuma "Ready?" And as the two grasp their weapons tighter, Sayaka blasts forward with her sword at full swing yelling out "SAYAKA MIIIIKIIIII!" in full Leeroy Jenkins mode against Sigmun and Agito. Agito begins to shoot fireballs at Sayaka who swipes them away and using a flash step goes behind Sigmun and Agito only for Sigmun to smile as Zafira transforms into human form and decks her in the face smashing her into the railing. Kyoko goes to aid her leaving Yuma stunned, and Kyoko getting intercepted by Vita.

Yuma visibly worried stuttered for a while when in angel and devil fashion Rika Furude and Rena Ryugu reappear next to Yuma's right shoulder with Rena commenting "What now?" Rika comments

"We should escape!" much to the shock of her compatriots and Rena's calling out "That's not cool Rika-chan!" Rika then says "Listen! Just hear me out. Those knight guys don't know Yuma is with the group, so for now we hide and lay low until this shit is over then we steal Kyoko's corpse and revive her alone while saying that woman died." Rena yelled out "That's horrendous Rika-chan! Yuma-chan don't do such a thing!

Aren't those girls your friends after all?" "Hey! Heaven's gate-chan," Rika commented with a massive dose of sarcasm "Yuma bailed on you." "Eeeeeh!"

Yuma meanwhile sneaked off trying to carefully drop down into the streets below where a mass of cars in a traffic jam are swarming about. After reaching the floor she sneaks off only to be intercepted by Shamal,

who tells her "You're under arrest little girl, so please change back to little... Are, those, cat ears? So cute!" And Shamal immediately runs toward Yuma and starts pulling on her cat eared hair decorations only to be pushed off by Yuma who creeped out yells "Let go Bakura! Fucking limey!" At that time, it happened... Shamal with rage in her voice and the look of murder yells out in a deep sinister voice much like Yami Bakura's "What the fuck did you just say?!" Yuma is scared shitless at this change and begins to run only to be stopped by Shamal who rockets into her path via flash step. "Little girl its time for a shadow game, in which I will kill you." Yuma holding back tears of panic sputters "D-don't you mean the shadow realm?" Shamal as she begins to glow green and pulls out a large Bowie knife explains "You've obviously never seen the Japanese version of the first Yu-gi-oh, have you?" Yuma comments "I-ive only seen the 4kids version..." "Then let me put it in a way you can understand. I'm gonna give you a big hug!" And thus the ensuing mayhem goes off screen as sounds of horror fill the air. "It is implied that I am being shanked!"

Back with the others Sigmun and Vita are fighting Sayaka and Kyoko some distance away in the airspace near the Chrysler building, while Zafira is trying to revive Hayate to little success and looking on as Hayate appears to be in some perverted trance with a nosebleed and expression that would make Happosai proud. "Mistress, wake up. Mistress Hayate please get a hold of yourself. Goddammit, what can I do now? (pensive growl) Oh yeah, Mistress Hayate there is a hot three way between Teana, Subaru, and Caro happening right now, if you don't wake up you will miss it. Their even using S&M gear and whipped cream."

And like really disturbing magic, Hayate revives yelling "Threeway! Quick, somebody get me my cell phone camera!" "I'm glad you are all right mistress." "Zafira? What's going on? And why am I so wet and stinking of ..." "Alright, Mistress you were kidnapped by those girls Sigmun, Vita and Agito are fighting." "I see, (changes into knight clothing) then we better do something about those girls. By the way, where is Rein?"

"I'm not sure mistress."

We cut to Rein being carried off by an ambulance in a catatonic state complete with thousand yard stare.

"Probably being chibi moe somewhere." "You're right Zafira." Hayate flies up to get a good eye on the battlefield telepathically telling Sigmun, Vita and Agito "Everyone are you all right?" with Vita happily yelling "Hayate!" And Agito commenting "Hey, focus on the battle!" As she shoots another fireball which Sayaka intercepts with a sword, and tells Sigmun "Damn! This is taking forever boss!" Sigmun responding with

"Can't be helped Agito." Then Sayaka lunges forward with her sword at full speed and blocked by Sigmun's Levantine which sends Sayaka off whom counters by launching her sword into a whip snake form and lunging it at Sigmun, aiming straight for the neck with Sigmun barely dodging sideways, and even then getting nicked in the face and forced to land on a nearby roof. Sayaka then plants her sword on the other side of the roof and begins to chant "Steel is my body and fire is my blood. I have created over a thousand blades. Unaware of loss, Nor aware of gain. Withstood pain to create weapons, waiting for one's arrival.

I have no regrets. This is the only path. My whole life was unlimited blade works." And then the surrounding area changes into a barren desert with many swords planted and abandoned and gears in the distant sky. "How do you like this boob monster?" Sayaka chuckled cockily and with a gesture fires off a large around of swords of every description boasting "How do you like that boobhead?!" Which are all blocked and trashed by Sigmun with Levantine's Schlangeform whom cooly responds with "I think Gen Urobutchi is gonna sue somebody." "Again!" An angry Sayaka yells out as more swords fly off. Sigmun comments "Foolish girl, Levantine!" "The streets of Berlin will flow with her blood!" And Levantine coils itself to slice off all the swords which suddenly change course and start firing their blades which strike Sigmun and explode causing a massive cloud of smoke. "Schwertform" With one swing Sigmun blows off the smoke revealing her somewhat scratched up, but all right. "Levantine!" "Explosion!" With those words and several cartridges spent Levantine's blade ignites with a furious flame. Sayaka grasps her sword and readies another, even larger rain of swords. "Dumbass boobhead! It dosen't matter what you do I still have the advantage!" "Little girl, you may have brute force, but as a mage you have much to learn. You should learn to temper your anger and look at the situation clearly." Sigmun calmly stated as she readied for a swing "Sturmwinde!" And shoots off a wave of fire behind her and into the unlimited blade works boundary causing it to break into pieces and causing the swords to vanish. In response Sayaka sprouts three swords grabbing one in each hand and grabbing one with her teeth and proceeds to lunge towards Sigmun who nonchalantly dodges all of Sayaka's blows while loading new cartridges to replace the ones spent with the greatest of ease. While Sayaka grows angrier and mumbling incoherently due to the sword in her mouth until Sigmun bashes her back with Levantines grip knocking out all her swords and causing her to stagger into the roof's edge. Then Sigmun flash steps into Sayaka's face as she gets up and turns to see Sigmun with a face full of worry and dread who says to her "Its over." And strikes Sayaka down knocking her out.

Meanwhile Kyoko is fighting Vita and doing quite well as they match each other blow by blow as they fly to a empty series of streets weaving thru mobile suits of several factions holding the line and monsters attacking. Both trading shots, Vita with her Schwalbefliegen and Kyoko with Polso rosso a rapid fire series of red energy blasts. "Tch! This midget is pretty tough! But i must win for Sayaka's sake." "Pferde!" Yells out Graf Eisen as Vita sneaks behind Kyoko who puts up a chain barrier to block Vita's attacks "Eisen!" "Ja! Time to kill the little jew girl! Todlicher schlag!" Eisen charges up mana on its hammer when Kyoko breaks the barrier angrily yelling out "I'm not a damn Jew!" And gets a hammer blow to the face for her carelessness which sends her flying into a fire hydrant breaking it and causing water to spew out. Kyoko annoyed comments to herself. "Shit! This isn't good! Even if thanks to the distortions i don't need to worry about my soul gem, its still pretty tiring fighting like this. I've never faced someone like this, I'm getting excited!" Kyoko then plants her hand on the ground causing several lances to shoot out at Vita from the ground which connect doing fair damage as she leaps away but the spears chase her. Vita then thinks "Looks like i'll have to use that." And Eisen then says "Divine shooter." causing a fair number of mana bolts to be shot out and tear apart Kyoko's spears. Kyoko angrily demands an explanation "Dammit, how did you do that?" Vita answers with

"What can i say? After having to deal with Nanoha's crazy for ten years you tend to pick up some tricks. Fucking cheery crackpot... I'll give her friendship thats for sure... That bitch, that bitch, that bitch, that bitch..." Kyoko worriedly yells out "Hey are you all right?" to Vita who is in a bizzare trance. "Well who am i to pass off a free shot?" Kyoko charges her spear tip with fire and begins to twirl it and then with a thrust firing off an enormous wave of fire completely covering Vita and extending thru the street behind burning several signs, plants and curtains. "I guess she... (puts on shades) got flamed." And as the CSI Miami end theme blares out "The final solution! Zerstorungsform!" "Kick her ass Eisen!" "Heil Vita!" Vita flies out from the flames charging straight towards Kyoko who barely gets to say "shit" before getting smashed hard with the full force

of the hammer smashing her into a mobile suit causing it to fall apart and pieces to fly off into the distance causing the defeat of Kyoko. "Hayate, Sigmun, i took down the target." "This is Sigmun im done with my end as well. Bakura what about you?" "Yeah bitch! (shanking sounds) Eat knife! (more shanking sounds) We didn't rule half the world for 200 years for nothing bitch!" "Hey Bakura, calm down." "Vita is right Bakura.

We need them alive." "Do we Sigmun?" "We need them alive so they can lead us to the other girl. She isn't here and from what we can tell she can distort time and space. Which means that we won't be able to catch her by traditional methods." "Zafira is correct Vita. Anyway, get the girl in custody and come back. I'll drag Bakura back here. Agito, Zafira keep an eye on mistress Hayate." As Sigmun finishes her order the rest of the Wokenritter shout out "Roger!" in confirmation and sign off. Then as Sigmun goes down below, suddenly ribbons surround and bind Hayate, Zafira, and Agito locking them in place "Stay right there prickwads." Suddenly from the shadows Mami Tomoe appears with a musket in hand and two more floating around next to her. "Attention Wokenritter! This is Mami Tomoe. I have your commander captured as a hostage.

Disarm and let me and my friends escape, or i will kill these three. My Regale vastalia prevents the three from moving and charging energy, so... er... hmmm... Okay, okay Mami, calm down and think.

Awesome threat , awesome threat... I'ma killing 'em, don't screw with me! (thinking) Yeah, i nailed it motherfucker."

Vita reaches Sigmun and Shamal carrying Kyoko's unconscious corpse throwing it next to Sayaka and Yuma who are just as near dead as Kyoko. "What do we do Sigmun?" Shamal comments "We'll this is what Klairwind is for, ready Klairwind? "Pendelform" Klairwind now transforms from a set of rings into a set of pendulums which create a green circular portal. Shamal comments "Portal complete, Vita chan could you?" Vita charges up one of her balls and readies Graf Eisen saying to Shamal "I'm already on it Bakura." Whom merely smiles at being called Bakura once more. Vita fires off the attack "Kometfliegen!" Which pierces straight thru Mami's head again breaking the binds. Agito angrily yells "That bitch! How dare her pull an asspull like that!" Then Agito angrily sets Mami's remains on fire "How, dare, you, tie, me, up, like, that?!

Only Sigmun can do that kind of stuff to me!" Zafira is shocked to hear that and tells Agito "Calm down Agito." "Shut up Zafira! You don't understand! I... I love her..." Zafira just looks on in awe and then notices Hayate out cold with a nosebleed and perverted face Zafira sighs dejectedly a mumbles "And that's why we never let mistress Hayate watch Kanazuki no Miko back home."

**To be continued...**


	35. Special 5: A WiiU Christmahanukwanzakah

**ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip**

**Dr. Weird's lab: South Jersey shore.**

We find ourselves inside Dr. Weird's lab where a party is being held with all of the series cast member and Dr. Weird in the stage "Gentlemen, behold! Hit it!" And Steve pulls a lever starting the song "A simple request which a white evangelical reverend begins to sing.

I don't want a lot for Christmas...

All I wish is to obtain

You whom I've been pursuing since May 1948

My want for you is quite real

Just one racial purge and you will

Make my wish come true.

All I want from Christmas is... you!

(This is what the evangelical clergy really believes in)

With that I could rise to heaven

Fill the land with burning fags

All the Negroes will the lynched

All the bitches will be smacked

Our race will be at the top once again

It will be white sharia law

Jews will be shocked to discover

That they have been played for fools

I just want those who resist

To die like measly little pigs

Forget peace and love

All I want for Christmas is, to, rule!

As the crowd lies shocked GLaDOS turns to the camera and says "Happy 21st of December everyone. If the world really does end, well, we'll see you all in hell, you monsters."

**Special 5: A WiiU Christmahanukwanzakah.**

**Co-written by Aliastheabnormal, GLaDOS, and Kyubey**

Its an ass kicking Christmahanukwanzakah and all thru Aperture. The experiments were proceeding quite well, what a bore. And our authors leave for Tuscon to get Christmas things, to get the new replacement for the Wii. Even if its just four Gamecube's taped all together. And at best in a year's time will be graphically underpowered. And although everything else its a gimmick or port it still has a new Super Mario Bros.

"You suck at rhyming Alias" Commented Kyubey as they stood in a line, waiting for crap from about half a mile. In some shopping mall that is at best nondescript. It has stores and a fountain, but I don't give a shit.

"I wonder where GLaDOS is anyway by the way" "Well Alias I think we're better off not knowing. By the way could you hold the line for me, I need to get some supplies." And so Kyubey left for a hardware store pulling out a list on how to build a bomb.

Several hours later the guy at the front, Beecha Oleg was there to sell stuff. Alias looked on with a look of shock when he muttered "MOTHERFUCK!" Beecha rather shocked asked "What's up?" "I thought I got rid of you!" "Its a free universe." "I suppose so... Anyway why are you here anyway? I thought you either sold houses, drove a cab to the former site of Las Vegas. By the way how is that place doing?" "Still on fire." "Anyways I don't suppose you still have a WiiU?" "Yeah, but why do you want one? I mean it looks like the next gen consoles will be just like the previous stuff." "I don't want it its GlaDOS, she wants to play the new Mario that is coming with the system." "I see, well here you go! That will be 599.99 US dollars." Alias hands over the money with great regret. "There goes what remains of my savings and credit as well." "By the way, you should beware. Some times the WiiU can cause side effects." "What do you mean Beecha?" "Well, this is just a rumor but," And suddenly while Beecha talks the room darkens, lightning strikes alongside howling winds, and everyone else is gone. "I heard that the WiiU is cursed by the spirits of the original Nintendo fanbase." "Huh?" "Basically, the crazy 30 year old's who live with their mothers unemployed and on welfare, like you!. Whom basically never had girlfriends and are too poor and ugly to get a prostitute, like you!" "Get to the point Beecha before is smack you with my Wii." "Well in other words the Hardcore fanbase who didn't survive the exodus to the Playstation 3 or Xbox 360 are now vengeful spirits who want to destroy Nintendo. But that's just silly." "Yeah right... Anyway just give me the WiiU so the plot can move on."

And so after some other stuff we cut to our authors in the Scion XB returning... With GlaDOS mentioning. "Kyubey is right, your rhyming is atrocious." "Oh be quiet! Anyways did everyone get their shopping done?" Kyubey said "Yes, I've got all the components for the bomb." Alias commented "Why do you need a bomb? I mean are you still pissed about losing the ability to turn magical girls into witches? Besides, that whole dumping energy into the universe was flawed since energy doesn't just disappear it just transmutes into an unusable form. I mean, just let it go, I mean if you're not careful the Inculords will lock you up like they did with Ryubei." GLaDOS added. "Well if you need bombs you could leave it to me. After all I would love to test some bomb designs." Kyubey finishes with "Its for Homura. By the way, how the hell are you fitting your body inside this car?" "It is a mystery for the ages Kyubey, a mystery for the ages."

At that time... or so it... Ah screw it! I'm too white for this shit! "Good for you" Shut it Kyubey! I'd like to see you do this. Anyways in a mound watching the horizon we find ourselves with two shining fairies one yellowish white, and one deep purple, the purple one told the yellow one. "Ooh sis that's the last one!" With the yellow one responding "Indeed brother, we better find Skull kid and report this." The purple fairy commented "Yeah! Lets go Tatl!" Tatl then nods and says to the purple fairy "Yes Tael soon we will have revenge on Nintendo."

The fairy siblings go to the roof of an abandoned building back in Tuscon, where they meet a child with straw like clothes and a purple mask shaped like a heart but with horns all over, looking at the full moon. Tatl mentions "Skull kid were back! And why are you wearing that fake Majora's mask anyway?" Skull kid turns to look at the fairies, crosses his arms and begins to float muttering quietly "Because my redesigned face looks stupid... Anyway what's up?" Tael excitedly commented "Ooh! Skull kid! The last WiiU's have been sold!" Then Skull kid clasps his hands doing the Gendo pose chuckles sinisterly for a bit and says "Good, Now, let the culturally inclusive celebrations... Begin!" Skull kid then lifts his arms into the air and summons a storm that shapes itself into the form of an NES. Which starts rumbling and expanding. "And now my fairy friends we... laugh evilly! BWAHAHAHAHA!" And is joined by Tatl and Tael to the theme of Dr. Evil from Austin Powers.

Back at Aperture science we find our authors readying for Christmahanukwazakah. GlaDOS is using the turrets to help decorate with GlaDOS looking on and checking some blueprints humming jingle bells.

"This is great! Finally a new terminal body. With this baby I will be able to go out and still be able to perform testing. (ping) Oh my, looks like the current test subject has finally expired, he sure tried though.

"Maybe I will give a break to the subjects for the holidays... NAH!" And thus GLaDOS continues her work. At that time Kyubey is wrapping presents or at least trying to, not quite getting the hang of it muttering

"I don't get it. How does this even work? I mean I used telekinesis and everything. Alias then shows up telling Kyubey "The WiiU has been set up Kyubey! Can you check if GLaDOS wants to go a round? After all I need to do adjustments anyways. GlaDOS overhearing tells them "I am right now working on something. Its a surprise so don't come to the Terminal chamber." Kyubey says "Well, you heard her. Even if we did want to try the four player gig." Then thru good timing two sphere shaped machines appear, rolling down one of the many maintenance rails of the facility. Although both are metallic gray and spherical, their only difference visually being the color of their large eye. Green for Rick, also known as the adventure sphere. And pink for Craig, the fact core. Whom alongside Neil, the space core, distinct due to its yellow eye were three defective cores, re-purposed as servants and assistants for the authors. Craig is yakking along to an annoyed Rick who mutters out "Why, wont, you, shut up!" "Hey Rick, Neil, the WiiU is ready and we need two more players." Rick says "No thanks, I'm already doing something else." Craig snidely snaps back taunting "The fact sphere accepts, because the fact sphere has the moves. The fact sphere is the best gamer in the facility. The fact sphere is the most capable sphere and it will pwn you old school." "Goddammit." Rick blurts out in frustration as Craig goes on "The fact sphere has bigger balls than the adventure sphere, and this proves it." "WHAT!?" "The adventure sphere climaxes early and has a small dick." "Oh you are so on cock biter!" Yells out Rick in anger as the two go to the living room to play alongside Alias. Kyubey pauses for a moment to comment "Do cores even have dicks?" and goes off to catch up with the others.

And so in the main living room where a massive entertainment system is located, as well as several plants as all four ready their controllers, or in the cores cases synching up with the WiiU's system. "Alright wimps,

you are all going down! Cuz this sphere was made for winning!" "Really? I thought you were made for adventure Rick." "Damn straight furry! I'm an adventure sphere! Designed for..." "Okay guys time to turn on the new system." Alias after saying this turns on the system and as it boots up everyone readies their stuff as Alias picks the game start option. Meanwhile outside Aperture the Skull kid and his fairies are looking on in a portal with glee with Skull kid boasting "Now, its showtime!" Tatl points out "Skull kid, it looks like the system is starting to initialize." "Say what?" Tael then gets in front of the Skull kid and asks Tatl "Sis, how long until its done?" "Well guys, according to this guide... three and a half hours." Skull kid and Tael remain floored for several minutes, until recovering and shouting a simultaneous "FUCK!"

**Night of the first day: Three hours later**

We find ourselves with the Skull kid and his fairies still waiting. Tatl is looking thru binoculars in a conveniently tree some distance away from the main office building of Aperture where most of the people living there were gathered and one of the very few places which aren't either inside the mountain or deep underground. With Skull kid pissing on a bush when Tatl yells out. "Hey guys! They finished! Get ready!" when hearing that both Tael and Skull kid readied for battle and then "What's this? System update?! five hours and fifteen minutes?!"

**Morning of the second day: Five hours and fifteen minutes later.**

As morning comes and the terrible trio wake up Tatl resumes her watch alongside Skull kid as Tael makes eggs Benedict for breakfast. Skull kid asks "Is everything ready?" Tatl answers with "No, actually it looks like the authors left in a car alongside the cores. (Tatl pulls out a map, compass, pencil, dowsing rods, and protractor out of hammerspace. How? It is a mystery for the ages.) According to my calculations, lets see...

Carry the 2, hold the E=MC Hammer... 8 hours, 20 minutes and 48 seconds."

**Night of the second day: Read the paragraph above.**

We find ourselves at night with Tael now looking at a standing high powered telescope. Skull kid and Tatl are drinking copious amounts of booze and Skull kid yells out in a drunken slur "Hey Tael (hic) Come here! Let's get fucking wasted! I even got some coke and everything!" Tael told them "Look Skull kid, I really don't want to drink." Tatl tosses a bottle of booze on the nearby street slurry and rubbing herself on Tael.

"Hey little brother... You're kinda cute..." And then Tatl pukes on a scared Tael. Tatl then passes out followed by Skull kid.

**Morning of the final day: How the hell did this turn into a Majora's mask parody anyway?**

Anyways, back at Aperture sciences. All is ready and turning on the WiiU and starting the game when it suddenly shuts down. "What the fuck is going on Craig?!" Rick yells out in frustration while Craig annoyed complains "The fact sphere does not need to take your bullshit. Also it seems that an evil magic is connecting the WiiU's all over the world in order to summon a giant Famicom to crash upon the world." "Oh that is fucking bull shit!" Rick bellows out Kyubey then asks "What now? GLaDOS is locked up in the main terminal after all." Alias gets on the communicator to call Neil who quickly blurts out. "Space is falling, space,

hello space, space rock, giant space rock, hello giant space rock." Rick shoves Alias out of the way to angrily reprimand Neil with "What are you talking about you twat?!" Neil switches the camera to the sky outside where a giant Famicom is falling from the sky provoking reactions of concern by most and Rick reacts with silence, and after some moments "shit." Then a giant explosion rocks the area with the smoking hole in the wall revealing Skull kid and his fairies, Tatl and Tael. Skull kid crosses his arms and raises his right leg into a large pile of debris yelling "Pitiful fools! It is time for an ass whooping!" and monologues "Oh yeah that was so awesome." And is completely ignored by the authors as they call GLaDOS who is telling them "Yes, I see. Anyway my project is done so I'll be there shortly." Alias said "I thought you couldn't move inside the facility and needed help even going outside." "(chuckles) Don't worry, for my genius has made it possible to create a body with a newly developed breakthrough called the Aperture science quantum connection grid interface system. To the Aperture science enrichment center." Alias then comments "Couldn't you just have swiped the technology from the federation or Celestial being?" GlaDOS annoyed answers "No for it is a highly complex communications system, light years ahead of anything Aeolia could dream of. It is based on the principle of utilizing GN particles to create a massive wireless communications network capable of faster than light transmission of large amounts of data." "I don't know what's sadder, how much you ripped off Celestial being or how you explained the basic functionality of Quantum communications with GN pixie dust better than the people who originally came up with that shit." Moving on, GLaDOS turns to Kyubey mentioning "Anyway the bomb is ready right?" Kyubey answers with "Yes." "We will use an Aperture science handheld portal device to transport us into the giant console where we will plant Kyubey's bomb and blow it up." Kyubey comments "I have my doubts on its safety." Prompting Alias to respond "Don't worry guys! I'll do it. After all I'm the author. So I can't really die."

Skull kid angrily yells out "Pay attention to me dammit! I'm here to kill you guys with the giant Famicom!" The authors suddenly notice the trio as Skull kid is fuming at the ears with, Tatl and Tael trying to calm him down. Rick asks "Who the fuck is this kid?" Craig answers with "That is the Skull kid. The Skull kid is a small creepy wood thing who lives in the forbidden woods. Because somehow Hyrule Castle town has been moved to the Lost woods. The Skull kid is wearing a fake copy of Majora's mask in order to hide his ugly face which now looks like a hollow who did too much heroin." Skull kid gets even angrier and starts doing ridiculous poses complete with Bruce Lee noises. Only to be interrupted by Alias who asks "Why are you here anyway?" Skull kid boastfully explains "To kick your ass! For too long Nintendo has been ignoring the hardcore gaming market, flooding the Wii with lame stuff like Wii Sports and ridiculous gimmicks like the Wiimote! So now I used the WiiU's resonance capacities due to it being four Gamecubes taped together with HD to drop a giant Famicon that will destroy the Earth! BWAHAHAHA!" Alias after hearing this comments "Do you have any idea how completely retarded you sound? Even if the lack of hardcore support and limited processing power are legitimate complains you are still full of weapons grade bullshit." Skull kid begins to stomp around angrily yelling out "What do you know you dumb, dumb doody face!"

Alias facepalms himself and begins to verbally smack around the Skull kid "For starters, the WiiU's controller is a ridiculously complicated piece of machinery. Its design is the main reason why the WiiU is around $100 more than the Wii at launch. Also most of all systems games come from third party developers. Whom are more interested in easy cash-ins and shovelware in post Dreamcast generations, than creating and adapting original and economically risky properties, which later on don't sell enough to break even in the international market, much like the project rainfall games. The Wiimote which was a gimmicky bitch that made everything harder than college had potential, but it was wasted. Especially with the Motion plus accessory whose true killer app, Skyward sword came two years too late, which by that time the PS3 and Xbox 360 had caught up and made motion control gaming a footnote in gaming history. Also Wii sports saved Nintendo financially, even if the gameplay was lame, and did more bad than good to the industry in the long run. It still showed off the systems capabilities to the point where Sony ripped it off. Just like everything else it has ever done. Ripped off straight from Sega, Nintendo, and Microsoft." Tatl yelled out in defense of Sony. "That's not true!" "Oh come of it! Have you seen the Playstation move? Its basically the Wiimote instead of it being a brick that can substitute for nunchucks, it looks like a giant black dildo. Their Playstation All-stars is such a blatant rip-off of Smash brothers, that the only way they can improve it is if they don't have smash balls. It even has Raiden in it, who is basically a poor man's Snake. I also bet money Sonic will cameo in this game because Sega will whore out Sonic for five bucks and a used condom, instead of making a new Burning rangers or hiring some janitors to find the missing Saturn code they lost somewhere in their sea of used ramen cups and tissues of grief from becoming the poster boy of fallen companies in the 90"s. It wouldn't be so bad, if they didn't spend three years being smug little assholes about their superiority. To the point that the only way they would shut up is if their system got hacked five fucking times. And what about you? You are trying to destroy the world because of graphical changes? Really?! Ever heard of plastic surgery? If they could make Michael Jackson white, why can't they make you brown? And haven't you gave thought on how you would get off planet? You do know you are going to die, right?"

After a moment of stunned silence Skull kid goes over the edge and yells "Jerk! Dummy! I'll kill you!" And then with a stern death glare worthy of Koji Kabuto and the words "Sit down before I smack you like a little bitch!" Alias pretty much silences Skull kid and the fairies who got sit in a row of bar stools. "Damn straight motherfucker! Anyway lets blow that thing up."

**Night of the final day: The holiday and WiiU subplots really have gone to hell haven't they? It's like the Simpsons only that it will never catch on.**

As our heroes begin their attempt GLaDOS appears in a new mobile body. Built similar to Atlas, only in a more feminine and humanoid face. With GLaDOS core in the head covered by a flat dome with GLaDOS eye in front. All in typical Aperture sterile white. Holding a portal gun GLaDOS readies one portal near a wall in the terrace. "It is time." And fires a portal into the giant Famicom in the sky Alias goes on to the location, carrying a giant bomb on his back that is shaped like Kyubey's head saying "Well, I'm off to deface the moon!" Craig replies with "You are blowing up a giant console." "I know but after seeing an article on TV Tropes involving it, I wanna blow up part of the moon for shits and giggles." Rick adds "You read TV Tropes?" "Why do you think I take so damn long to churn out this stories in the first place when I'm unemployed?" And thus Alias goes thru the portal and reaches the giant Famicon.

We find ourselves atop the giant Famicom which is dropping rapidly somehow, especially considering that in the world of Gundam 00 this thing is definitively NOT hauling ass. "Wow, I feel like I just walked into a place that actually follows the laws of momentum. I can't help but wonder how this was moved by the Skull kid in the first place. Majora's mask should be depowered and I doubt Skull kid or his fairies are capable of pulling this thing to 00 Earth. By the way, for those who wonder how I'm breathing in space well. Screw the rules, I have supernatural powers!" As Alias looks for a place to blow up the device he looks around noticing several high capacity rockets in the systems back. Simple in design and obviously using solid jet fuel, they are obviously from another area of dimensional space, quite a distance from here. Alias goes to investigate and looking around notices the brand Halliburton emblazoned alongside several "celebratory artworks" "A picture of Bin Laden getting punched in the face by Superman with the words "Fuck yeah! America!" On the bottom, (sarcastically) stay classy people. I suppose that if I plant this bomb inside the cartridge slot it will blow up easier. This thing is probably made of Nintendium anyways. Ah there it is! In that vaguely described area of the console because Wikipedia didn't have any photos or info of where it was in real life." And thus Alias tries to puts the bomb into the slot and leaves only to be surrounded by a group of mono eyed humanoid robots with the Halliburton logo on them and several American flags on them. The lead one, recognizable for having a very large codpiece which basically looks like a Zaku's commander antenna only in a vertical position. Giddily yells out in a very southern accent "Prepare to die beaner! America will destroy you!" Alias annoyed corrects with "I'm not Mexican, I am Latino, and as one it is offensive for robots to think all Latinos are from Mexico." "Shut it wetback! You cannot argue against America!" "This would have been so ironic back in 2008." "Shut it Coconut! America will take your oil and rape your women!" "And you're supposed to be patriotic?" "Quiet beany! America will lynch you!" "From Christmas, to Majora's mask to meta racial commentary. This really is like the Simpsons. And you already said that slur before!" "Bite it Chinaman! America doesn't give a damn about specifics! We take what we want!" "Do I even look Asian? You know what? Fuck this shit! Have fun burning into the atmosphere!" And with that Alias leaves closing the portal leaving the leader robot grunt who is still yelling alone. "Don't run away gweilo! America will not be ignored! (sigh's dejectedly) I'm so lonely! America just want to have friends!"

After returning thru the portal Kyubey asks to Alias "What took ya?" "Well I was looking around and found that the Famicom is being pushed here by rockets from Halliburton. And it was even guarded by Halliburton killbots." GLaDOS asks "Do you mean the ORT's?" "No, they look like something other than the ORT-55 models. I couldn't get anything else, because one of them was bitching about how great America is.

Anyway let's blow this shit up." And to Alias words GLaDOS presses a switch and a big ass explosion surrounds the giant Famicom from the inside out, and it does nothing. GLaDOS mutters "So that thing is made of Nintendium I suppose. You, Rick, Craig, Neil, ready the Apertue science high level energy diffusing particle ray cannon" The three cores nod in agreement and are strapped into service rails to head to the giant laser hidden inside the mountain.

As everyone goes off except Kyubey he looks on and wonders "How come that thing still hasn't crashed? The whole concept of a moon coming to impact a world over a three day period is rather illogical. After all its the energy released by the impact that would cause the damage. And with its speed it wouldn't really destroy anything except what it lands on. I just don't understand this."

Later on... "Welcome to the Aperture science high level energy diffusing particle ray cannon array chamber. We are now ready to fire this laser and blow up the Famicom" Rick then tells GLaDOS "The laser is charged, and ready to go." Neil blubbers out "Space, space, blow up the space rock, we are the space police. Blow it up, space." As he readies the targeting system and GLaDOS sits in the firing chair. And readies an advanced holographic targeting system "And now you die. And then cake. FIRE THE LASER." And thus the laser fires, and with all its might pushes it away for a bit only to slip off and bounce away into space.

At that time in the Queen Beryl's palace, we find Sailor Moon confronting said queen, again. "Okay Jadeite just how the fuck is she back? I thought she got blasted by a fucking death beam. And why does she look, I dunno... more HD I guess?" "Well Queen Beryl it seems she is the 2013 remake Sailor Moon." "Huh?" And then Sailor Moon states "Hey! Queen Beryl! I'm here to kick your ass!" Only to find herself ignored while Queen Beryl and Jadeite are discussing matters. "But the show hasn't even started, so how did that Sailor Moon show up? "Maybe its like Dracula in the games where Soma Cruz appears my queen. Basically Dracula is supposed to be God's opposite and is needed for universal balance." Meanwhile 2013 remake Sailor Moon is readying a tiara blast when the laser of the previous paragraph lands on her, causing a huge explosion to which nobody else noticed.

Meanwhile back at the plot. The giant Nintendo is still there, GlaDOS is in a corner swearing in frustration and the rest of the group is getting a lecture on Nintendium from Alias. Rick summarizes the explanation

"So you're saying that Nintendium is an ancient material made by Nintendo for its old consoles. It can survive being burnt, crushed, have a hole drilled in the middle of it, even bunker buster missiles, and it will be completely unfazed and the system and games will work perfectly. That is freaking awesome." Now they are also joined by GlaDOS two goonbots ATLAS and P-body as well as the Skull kid, Tatl and Tael. P-body is with GlaDOS keeping her distance to avoid her wrath. And ATLAS pulls out a tablet and begins speed typing. "Maybe we can repel the Famicom? We can use the huge pile of E.T. Atari 2600 cartridges, stuff them in a missile and shoot it into the meteor." Craig rebuffs with "Your plan is retarded. You are retarded. Your plan will fail and we will all die." ATLAS angrily strikes Craig and a brawl between the cores begins which is quickly joined by P-body, and Skull kid egging them on. Alias looks at his fist with determination and he runs up to the balcony, secretly followed by Skull kid.

When Alias reached the balcony he finds that Kyubey has readied the groups Scion XB and moves aside as the song Searching for the truth by Hiro-X begins playing as somehow Alias gains both driving skills and the car begins to fly towards the falling Famicom. With a worried Skull kid running to Kyubey who quietly mutters "godspeed friend..." At that time Alias gets dangerously close to the Famicom and jumps out of the car. Readying his left fist he flings toward the Famicom yelling out "AUTHOR PUNCH!" And striking the Famicom causing a huge explosion with Skull kid yelling "ALIASTHEABNORMAL!" As he disappears smiling, in a flash of light that signals the end of the threat as the song climaxes.

**Dawn of the new day...**

It is the morning after and all is back to normal. GlaDOS went back to her terminal and stored her body for maintenance and improvements. The cores and ATLAS are playing New Super Mario bros WiiU,

with P-body cheering them on. And Kyubey wondering to himself "Wow, I can't believe he is really gone." GlaDOS overhearing tries to comfort Kyubey. "He is a better place QB. If hell really is a better place."

Then a familiar voice resounds with "Heh, who do you think is in a better place?" And then it is revealed, Aliastheabnormal. This time with his Megaman recolor body changed massively. The body suit is all green,

but now more armored in the chest with a red pentagon light in the middle surrounded by the black armor. And his boots slimmed down heavily with round red jewels on the ankle sides and a green stripe in front of the foot. And slimmer gauntlets with armor on its side with another round red jewel near the hands, complete with slightly longer spiky hair. Everyone looks on amazed and rush to Alias with Rick asking "Is that you dude?" Craig adds "There is a % that Aliastheabnormal has obtained a Transmetal form." Rick comments "So now GlaDOS and Alias have new character models huh?" Kyubey then climbs up to ATLAS and although deadpan he mentions to him "I'm glad you're alright."

At that time, we find Skull kid and fairies walking alongside the desert streets. With Skull kid down and Tatl and Tael trying to cheer him up." "C'mon Skull kid you did what you could. At least the head author is gone." "Yes Tael is correct." An old long haired Japanese man with a white tux and black Dracula cape with a red inside and a cane appears from a portal with several heavily armed faceless soldiers emblazoned with the Halliburton logos. "I'm afraid you are wrong Skull kid." Skull kid's body language is quivering in fear with his fairies hiding behind him as he is surrounded by soldiers whom are cocking their sub machine guns and aiming them at the trio. "Doctor Shinigami sir! I'm sorry! I failed to destroy the world but!" "SILENCE! The great Cheney does not tolerate failure. You were given great power and were paid good money to crash that Famicom so we could go to war with Japan and sell weapons to both sides while undermining Obama!" "But Doctor sir, you barely pay us." "Be grateful you even work boy. After all you killed a hundred other people to get the job as per the law of right to work! And you failed!" With an eerie smile and raising a dried squid and a can of beer Doctor Shinigami utters "Ika... de beer!" And transforms into a white squid monster with tentacles surrounding his whole body called "Ikadevil!" And quickly uses his tentacles to stab Skull kid thru the heart, lungs, and stomach. Piercing his back and shattering his spine killing him instantly and tossing him unceremoniously into the ground aside the horrified Tatl and Tael who rush to Skull kid's corpse. Tatl devastated begins to cry as Tael rushes Dr. Shinigami looking to kill him when he is mowed down by the soldiers fire. The bullets literally rending his body to nothingness. As Ikadevil chuckles A German in a Nazi military uniform with an eye patch, whipping stick and bushy mustache exits from a portal and looks on at the carnage commenting. "Really, how pathetic. Anyway **Doctor**, I'm amazed you are here." "Well General Zol I need to get out of the office once in a while and that Skull kid's remains would make for good research material." As the soldiers Zol and Ikadevil who turms back into his human form close in, Tatl tries to protect the remains only to be swatted aside by Colonel Zol who boasts "I am, **Colonel Bakarashin Iinodebitchi Zol**, one of the commanders of Halliburton under our great leader, **Lord Cheney** If you wish revenge, become strong with hatred and face us again." And with a nod the forces of Halliburton retreat with Skull kid's body in tow thru teleportation portals to a Tatl that falls unconscious on the ground.

**To be continued...**


	36. Road trip 11: The girl globetrotters

**ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip**

_A legendary martial arts master... Renowned by all for his feats of sheer badassery... So awesome that he can beat Butterfly Aizen with using a pair of chopsticks. He heroically fell in battle in the defense of Sega... Long forgotten by the world he now lives in the planet Gamindustri... He is... Segata Sanshiro! _

**Segata Sanshiro returns**

We come to find Segata Sanshiro wondering around the ports of Leanbox wondering what to do next. "Now what? I suppose I should find this Papa Smurf guy and ask him where is Sat being hidden." At that time he notices two young girls walking around the docks. One with a purple sailor uniform and long purple hair, and one in black with drill hair of sorts carrying a large gun on her back. Segata thought "Its the CPU candidates. The purple one is Nepgear, Lady Purple heart's sister. And the black one is Uni, Lady Black heart's sister as well. What are they doing here?" As Segata goes to investigate he gets ambushed by

Brave the hard who jumps from the rooftops sword in hand only to be blocked by Segata using a bare handed blade block. Annoyed Segata throws Brave into a pile of craters and asks. "What is your problem fucktard?" Brave stands up holding his sword forward with his bladed aimed at Segata's chest yelling out "Because you are my eternal nemesis, Segata Sanshiro! It, is, **DESTINY**!" And charges forward with his blade held upwards diagonally readying a massive swing. Segata calmly braces himself and says "Segata Sanshiro, SNK rape mode activate! Code, Geese Howard!" And with those words the area is flooded by a grand battle aura which blinds Brave for a moment before swinging it away with his sword and smirking... somehow since he has no mouth... "Nice job my worthy adversary. But do not be complacent, for I also have such powers. Brave the Hard. SNK Rape mode activated! Code, Regal Brunsteid!" And another explosive aura floods the area with Brave now obtaining a black and red color scheme. "I am power made flesh... er... steel... Ugh, dammit! Lets just go."

**Season 2 Chapter 11: The girl globetrotters**

**Written by Aliastheabnormal**

Before we go to our main story we quickly head to the site where Castlevania was temporarily located in what is now an eerie forest, at night obviously. Let's watch as (massive explosion nearby behind some trees) The fuck?! As flames consume the nearby area as several shadows appear behind a woman with short red hair, a black gi with giant beads around her chest who gets up and opens a pair of black eyes with golden irises. "When there's no more room in hell... Lumanaria Hawke will walk the earth..."

We find ourselves in the Italian diner The cement shoes. Where Lalah Sune, and Stellar Loussier are eating breakfast in a window seat. Lalah spaces out for a second when Stellar tries to get her attention. "Onee-san! Onee-san! Are you alright?" Stellar asked repeatedly until Lalah snapped out of it mentioning "I feel a disturbance in the force. Like millions of guys just shit their pants in fear simultaneously." "Hey, Lalah onee-chan, there is a freaky llama thing over there. The large bipedal llama thing heads to the two girls and comments "I am not a freaky llama thing! I am Tsukishimaalpaca!" Stellar retorts by petting Tsukishimaalpaca and mentioning "So very soft..." And starts hugging him while rubbing her face on his fur with great happiness. "HAU! OMOCHIKAERII!" At that time small angel and devil like versions of Rika Furude and Rena Ryugu appear metaphysically with Rena commenting "Damn! She stole MY catchphrase Rika! Oyashiro-sama, please murder this bitch!" And begins stomping her feet while Rika ignores her and looks at Tsukishimaalpaca quietly muttering "I want some gyozo..." with some drool in her mouth.

As the duo and an annoyed Tsukishimaalpaca exit Stellar comments to Lalah. "So we finally found Shinn-kun and the others?" "Yes, they are heading to the Chrysler building in 42nd street." Tsukishimaalpaca intersects with "You girls are going to the Chrysler building paca? Maybe I can help you girls paca ! And could you get this girl off me paca? (Points to Stellar still hugging alpaca) I'm starting to get a cramp alpaca..." At that time Char Aznable appears alongside Quess and Gyunei holding a map. Quess annoyed complains to Gyunei "Gyunei! Are we there yet?!" Gyunei sighs dejectedly and answers "No Quess, we still have to go around three more streets." "This isn't fair Gyunei! Why do we have to do this?" "Like it or not Quess we have little choice. I don't know the details. But, Lacus Clyne has changed." "Isn't the story that she got dumped

and went nuts?" "No, something else is up." "The Captain is being very quiet Gyunei." As the duo check for Char they find his worried and scared, facing off against Lalah Sune who is rather angry and wielding a large meat cleaver at Char, Alpaca trying to break up the fight, and Stellar still rubbing her face in Alpaca's fur. Char tells Lalah "Ummm... Err... I don't suppose you're still mad about that, are you?"

Alpaca asks "What is "that?"

"I can't believe we are explaining a plot point from around two years ago." Kyubey mentioned to Alias and GlaDOS. "Indeed, it is hard to believe how much the story has changed since those early days."

Alias answers back while clasping his hands.

Anyway, we flashback to the aftermath of the Char games. Char and Lalah are hiding alongside the rubble with Char not taking the nuclear explosion well him burnt considerably and his Angora cat Little Char glowing green due to the radiation somehow ranting angrily "How dare they do this to me!" Pulling out an iPad Char checks his assets only to find out that he is broke and has obtained several creditor alerts and even more death threats. "Oh well, It doesn't matter! For soon I will have a new plan in place to... Well crap, what do I do now? Lalah, I don't suppose you have any ideas? Lalah? Where did she go?"

Back in the current time Lalah finishes her flashback with "And after that I took off and opened a bookstore to stalk Kir-eer... (worried) Crime! That's it crime! Yeah! I am the goddamn Batman!" Stellar mentions to Lalah "Char ran away." And Lalah begins chasing after Char." Quess worriedly tugs on Gyunei and asks "What do we do Gyunei?" "For now you should go complete the mission after all you are the techie of the group. I'll see if I can get the captain out of this mess." As the duo go their own ways Stellar is left alone with Tsukishimalpaca commenting "I wonder what happened to the cat?"

At that time in pink castle we find Shinji Ikari, Rei Ayanami, Asuka Lahgley Soryu, and Kaworu Nagisa eating Little Char in the form of Mongolian kebabs. Asuka after eating another kebab comments with her mouth full "I hate to admit it Shinji but your cat dishes are out of this world." Shinji responds with a shy chuckle and saying "Yeah, and since we are involved in organized crime we can even drink all the cokes and nobody can do anything about it!" Kaworu chuckles and adds "Yeah, fuck Bloomberg!"

Back at the plot Stellar is still following Tsukishimaalpaca trying to hug him again. "Can I hug alpaca-san?" "No" "Can I hug alpaca-san?" "No!" "Can I hug alpaca-san?" "NO!" "Can I hug alpaca-san?" Five minutes of exasperated screaming later... "Alpaca-san..." We find Stellar glomping Tsukishimaalpaca and not letting go, much to the oddness of the people watching, and the embarrassment of said alpaca monster. "Why do I have go thru this? By now I should have gotten to the meeting spot. Oh there it is!" Alpaca heads to the drownball tournament in Yankee Stadium, which is now in its semi finals with J.R and Jerry "The king" Lawyer doing commentary. Still zombified by the way, even if the Edo Tensei was lifted in the Naruto manga. "Well King it looks like this match is over and done with! And the newcomer Graham Aker sweeps beautifully once more!" "Braaaaaiiiinsss..." "You're right Jerry! From out of nowhere Graham Aker has managed to take drownball by storm! Rising triumphantly over many legends, to the point that he is the favorite to face the drownball champion Fighter at the finales tomorrow." "Brrraiiiiinsss..." "Jerry stop chewing on my zombie arm! Leggo dammit!" Back at the stands Tsukishimalpaca is meeting with his associates, Full Frontal,

Angelo Sauper and Kergenko, Also known as the Cassidy and Butch to Neo Zeon's Jessie and James, Pre-Best Wishes/Pokemon Chronicles airings. Alpaca meets the trio with Angelo commenting

"Yeah check it out boss! Just look at that fine ass! And the girl is pretty hot too!" Full Frontal smiles and shakes Alpaca's hand while Nerenko chides angrily at Angelo's comments which Stellar notices. "Ah, Tsukishimalpaca! You are here at last. So, is everything ready on your end?" "Yes paca it is all done. According to 4kids intelligence a large delegation of fansubbers are meeting in the Chrysler building. We got info that Lacus Clyne is sending people to the expo that is also being hosted on the lower floors and has sent a third party to obtain it paca." Full Frontal asks Alpaca "The EVA pilots?" "Less competent, alpaca"

The Sirocco people?" "More competent, paca."

Meanwhile in another abandoned warehouse next to the one where Madoka led Homura. We find Paptimus Scirocco sneezing. Sarah Zabiranov puts down her can of beans and with concern asks Paptimus

"Master are you sick?" Reccoa walks in and comments "I guess somebody is talking about Scirocco." "Nobody asked you bitch!" yelled Sarah in defense of her master.

Meanwhile we go back to Lalah who is still in pursuit of Char and Gyunei. Char and Gyunei manage to give her the slip for the moment and annoyed Gyunei mutters "We cannot keep this up! We have to kill her,

and now!" Char "Good idea Gyunei! Here is the plan! First we..." "Hell no Captain! This time we are keeping it simple!" Gyunei then pulls out a Beretta with a look of sadistic glee that unnerves even the Red comet for a few good moments while Gyunei giggles and whispers to the gun "Hello dear, I missed you. Did you miss me? Let's go Vera, daddy needs you to kill some bitches." And thus Gyunei goes off on his quest for blood. As for Char Aznable? Well... "I'm so fucked right now..."

And so we begin Gyunei's futile attempts at murder "Hey Alias, watch your mouth!" "Sorry dude, I'm just saying it like it is." "SHUT UP FART KNOCKER!" And Gyunei shoots, kills someone completely unrelated about a mile away and falls off his porch and flat on his ass into a dumpster. "Why does this smell like masturbating lesbian?"

About an hour later Char finds Gyunei still in the dumpster and pulls him out by the legs. "Hey Gyunei, so there you were." Gyunei looks at a hideously maimed Char and happily yells "Captain!" And immediately sours up and says. "What happened to you? You look horrible." "Basically I've been running from Lalah for an hour now." "She did this to YOU captain?!" "Actually, I fell down a ditch and smacked face first into the ground below. At least it helped me get away from her though." Suddenly an explosion burst thru behind the duo as a purple and brown flash fly past the alley way. Several other blasts are seen and heard all around, sirens klaxon and the people start screaming as mobile suits, monsters and army corps start pouring out into the streets while the panicked masses push each other into the ground. Char and Gyunei then freak out as a giant centaur like tentacled spider monster towers above the streets. Pale yellow in coloring with black stripes lashing its limbs into walls, and firing hardened webbing with such speed and force that they might as well be bullets across the street.

The purple flash is a tall girl with purple hair in a hime cut and a sailor's uniform carrying a scythe with her right arm, rather droopy listless eyes and a visible bleeding wound on her waist covered by her hand. Annoyed, she clutched her scythe and muttered "This is not what I signed on for when that pink haired Madoka girl came along." Lalah shocked commented "When you say pink hair, do you mean, that Kaname girl?" "Yeah, did she set you up for this shit as well?" "Wait, what?" As the duo dodge the attacks the girl pulls out a large silver scythe with a blue blade and kong blue chain at the bottom and muttering softly. "Go... Sougaiden... And upon those words the scythe begins to howls and with one swing, wastes the hell out of that thing, to a dumbfounded Char and Gyunei whom commented "Is that Bankai?" With Char responding "I believe that is more of a Shikai but besides the point. Did you see that?! With that kind of power we wouldn't need to fear Lacus, Lalah,or anyone else. C'mon, we gotta get back to Quess and tell her about this." As Char sneaks off with a smile Gyunei contemplates "I wonder if the reason Char is into little girls is because he is intimidated by women?"

Back at the fight, where things have calmed down somewhat in another back street Lalah and the girl are talking about their situation with the girl introducing herself as "The name is Rika Furude." Lalah surprised at the name comments "How can that be? I mean..." "I guess I should explain." At that time another girl yelled out "Wait! Rika! Don't start the exposition without me-wa!" And runs towards the duo somewhat exhausted and unsteady. The girl a short haired blond about the same age as Rika although taller and with a black headband. Her green fuku seems to be rather sooty with gunpowder and dust and she seems to have some grime in her face. "I am Satoko Hojo-wa!" "Rena Ryugu is here!" At that time to the shock of everyone a third oddly cheerful girl this one in a white fuku and purple bow, a white cap and short orange hair with blue eyes suddenly pops up behind everyone with a cleaver behind her back. "Its called a nata!" Rena comments with a quickly angering look in her face. Lalah confused asked what is going on? And you look a bit older

than in the anime." Rika answers in a very annoyed tone "Well if there are no more interruptions I can explain everything."

"It all started around six years ago in Massachusetts. Some kid opened a portal to a demon realm and sent demons to attack a prom. But someone else used the demons power to seal them away, this caused a distortion in the multiversal ether. Normally the whole thing would have been corrected by the author. But everyone got wasted, passed out and forgot all about it. Anyways, this whole thing kept building up until the time when Aliastheabnormal took over from the previous author around two years ago or so back in season 1 were there was a moment of weakness where the distortions energy erupted. This caused several problems that have spilled out thought the dimensional space, especially thru the lanes in-between causing an important place to vanish. Namely, the sea of discarded concepts, where discarded concepts lie and the barrier between the former continuities lie."

Lalah rather amazed at Rika's explanation comments. "I heard of that stuff, but I can't believe it could actually be erased like that." Rena adds "That's why we look slightly older than in Higurashi but still much younger than we should really be. These forms are created by the instabilities caused by the lack of the sea to stabilize the void." Satoko suddenly blurted out at that moment "Yup! Shinn Asuka sure screwed the pooch

on that one-wa!" "SHINN!" "You known him coffee lady-wa?" Rena smacks Satoko in the head in annoyance and reprimands her with. "Her name is Lalah Sune. You sound like a racist when you make those comments. What are you doing Rena?" "I think Coffee lady just went catatonic." And the trio look at Lalah frozen and unresponsive in shock with Rika in a deadpan tone commenting

"Screw this, I'm gonna go get wasted. I think I saw a sushi bar that serves sake a few blocks back, see ya."

Back at Tsukishimalpaca and Stellar we find the duo around the Chrysler's crowds with Stellar and Kergenko apparently lighting a barrel on fire and doing a weird ass dance with alpaca looking on in confusion.

"What the hell are you doing now?" Kergenko answers with "We are praying for success to Firo the fire god of the fire. I'm surprised that someone else actually is familiar with my faith's customs." Stellar comments eagerly "Shinn-kun is the one who does this seriously, he always did this back at the orphanage." "Shinn-kun?" Kergenko asks oddly and curiously to which Stellar smiles and cheerfully replies "Shinn Asuka-kun!

He is like my Onii-chan! We met years ago and he has always been there for me! Watashi wa daisuki Shinn-kun!" "Shinn Asuka?! The apocalypse bringer?!" Stellar rather shocked and offended defends Shinn.

Bluntly yelling out "Shinn may be insane, but he is a good guy at heart!" Kergenko shocked stutters and quickly blurts out an apology "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it that way! What I am saying is that according to a

forum buddies of mine that he is some kind of anomaly that made a botched pact with Firo which is causing some cataclysm." Stellar looks at Kergenko and then asks "Where did everyone else go?"

When the two search around to find themselves abandoned by the rest of their group when explosions rock nearby buildings causing Kergenko to comment "Crap! The fighting has gotten to here already!"

At that time people start rushing outside and panicking when the duo are found by Fran Nara who yells at them. "What are you doing? Don't you know we are being attacked here?

Even if this is New York you people should get to safety!" Kergenko comments to Stellar "She's right, we'll meet up with everyone later." And grabs Stellar in order to leave but she doesn't move and sadly looks at the floor mentioning "Kergenko chan... I can't... I have to find Shinn-kun. He is in this city somewhere, and I know he is in trouble." Kergenko smiles and says "Fine, let's go look for him." And run off into the direction of the Chrysler building.

Back with Fran she is wandering around the perimeter looking for Zeheart Galette with a concerned and annoyed look. "Where are you Zeheart? (sigh) Its been this way since the academy days." When she hears a window break nearby and a massive thud. She rushes to find a splattered pile of orange goop and Zeheart looking at it while wearing a fish skeleton on top of his head. Fran angrily reprimanded Zeheart with

"Where were you?! Everything is going to fuck and you are poking at... What is this anyway?" After putting his finger in the half melted pile of orange crap, twiddling it around and finally tasting it. Much to the squick of Fran, Zeheart comments "This is LCL, and it really does taste like Tang." "That's disgusting Zeheart." And then Fran kneels down and tastes the goop "This really does taste like Tang!" And starts licking more.

"Be careful Fran, I hear consuming LCL drives people nuts and..." "What are you talking about fuckwad?! And what's with that fish anyway?" "Oh! I found this fish skeleton in the trash! I call him Boney!"

Zeheart replied with closed eyes only to see a rather aggressive looking Fran with a psycho smile and the LCL all gone. "Fran... Did you drink it all?" "Oh yes Master Zeheart, it was amazing.

You know, it may be the LCL talking, but you look pretty cute." Zeheart rather worried stumbles and falls flat on his back muttering worriedly "Now... Now... Fran stop this right now." "Fran only follows three orders.

Sit, stay, and rape!" And as she tries to grab Zeheart is smashed unconscious by an also unconscious Erio Mondal, breaking his fall. "Thank you Deus ex Machina! Oh wait... shit! Ambulance!"

As for Full Frontal and company? Eventually Kergenko and Stellar catch up with Full Frontal and his group who have knocked out the nearby guards. Kergenko leaves Stellar in the nearby hallways commenting "Okay Stellar, you better stay back in the hallway. Once were done here well go looking for Shinn." Stellar nods with a smile as Kergenko goes with the others. At that time Stellar stumbles into five tall men with long red hair and identical faces in ESF uniforms. They were likely Innovades since they all also had golden eyes with a slight glow to them, with an air of mysticism surrounding their presence. Stellar looked on curiously when they all in monotonous unison said out loud. "Ignore us we are merely security guards. There is nothing strange about us." Stellar after some curious doubts shrugged it off and went back to waiting by sitting on a bench and falling asleep while the guards moved in to ambush

At that time Angelo kicks down the door where the representatives were meeting. Among them Fezarl Ezelcant the leader of Vegan, Euphemia Britannia the 100th Empress of the Britannian empire,

and Carim Garcia a high ranking knight in the Saint Kaiser church and admiral in the TSAB. And several MP readying their blasters to which Angelo smiles as his shadows grows and rises from the floor.

"I'm gonna leave you limp and worn with my hand jobs, come... Rozen Zulu!" And purple flames erupt from the shadow revealing a heeled purple mobile suit with large clawed arms, a large shield, much bulk and the classic Zeon glowing mono-eye. "Terrorists! Terrorists!" The guards yell out as they empty their machine guns on the eight foot tall Rozen Zulu guardian which slowly and unflinchingly walks towards the guards grabs the nearest one grabs him by the head which it then proceeds to crush like a grape, tossing the bloodied corpse into the air and blasting it into ashes with the beam cannons in its hands. And with an eerie eye flash launches its INCOM arms while flash stepping and firing its beams killing all the guards in mere moments in a very gory fashion. "Yeah you like the taste of my beat stick?

Cuz I just blew my hot loads all inside you bitches! Euphemia groans in annoyance and snarks out. "Are you done?" Before headshotting Angelo with a revolver landing him on the floor and causing the Rozen Zulu to vanish. "Going down after getting blown once... Typical man." Meanwhile Carim just looks on asking Euphiemia "Was all that sexual innuendo?" Euphemia after a moment of silence comments "You church people really are innocent aren't you?" Suddenly Angelo gets up and shrugs off the entire incident commenting "Well that was a quick shot." Euphemia in shock yelled out "What the fuck?! W-w-what gives?!

I shot you in between the fucking eyes!" And then Full Frontal makes his debut telling Angelo "As much as I hate showing up without an introduction, I'm afraid you are all coming with me." As more security surrounds the outside of the door Full Frontal smiles and then Ezelcant calmly gets up and looks Full Frontal in the eyes saying. "I don't know who you are, BOY. But I do not take kindly to your bullshit you good for nothing whippersnapper. So leave before I rip your head off from your spine, tear off its skin and meat, carve it hollow, and use it to drink martinis, GOT IT?" Full Frontal smiles, gets in Ezelcant's face and boasts "Or what?" Kergenko then tries to intervene and diffuse the situation with "You know, this is starting to go too far, why don't we all calm down and..." Only to get side kicked in the chest Into the ground by Angelo who yells out

"Who are you to tell my master what to do! He is the dominant one in the relationship!" And then Ezelcant punches Angelo in the face making his head spin 360 degrees five times only to stagger a bit and laugh.

"Ha! You ain't got shit! I am a powerful robot after all! Balls of steel and everything, ya' know? And YOU are an brittle impotent prick." Ezelcant smiles and says "Thanks for the info,

but you forgot a cardinal rule of Shonen fighting anime. Explaining your powers leads to getting your ass kicked if you are a villain." And with a worried look Angelo gets decked in the chin

for his lack of genre savviness and flung backwards only for Ezelcant to flash step in the way and catch Angelo with one hand, slam him into the ground so hard the room shook,and tossed him upwards only to give him a straight kick on the way down catapulting him straight off past Euphemia and Carim and fly off the windows into the street below. Tsukishimaalpaca is visibly scared while Full frontal smugly shrugs it off commenting "Well, good riddance." Kergenko shocked says "What are you talking about sir?! Angelo was your loyal subordinate, your friend." Frontal harrumphs and answers with a cruel and mocking tone.

"So what? He is a failure if he can't beat this old geezer!" "You're horrible sir..." Kergenko comments while barely holding back her tears and collapsing on her knees. "Unforgivable!" Ezelcant yells out in outrage.

Full Frontal snickers and mockingly jokes "You do know that doesn't work as well in the English translations" And proceeds to get his ass owned and thrown off the window.

Meanwhile in the ground floor where most of the panic has passed we find Nina Einstein who "survived" her mauling. Shuffling outside and leaning on a wall. "Alive! I am alive!" Nina yells out in an increasingly manic tone and increasingly scary face. "I am ALIVE! Do you hear me God! This is the proof of my love of Euphemia-sama! (insane laugh) Yes, that's right! I am here God! And I will not die! I will not die! I am Shiva! Destroyer of worlds! I AM GOD!" And then her face turns to fear as she seas Full Frontal land on top her. Somehow she survives dizzily muttering. "I am god... Euphemia-sama... Behold... God..."

And falls unconscious.

Meanwhile back at the building. Carim and Euphie look at the carnage below with Euphiemia rubbing her chin. "Wow, are they alright?" Carim asked with concern to which Euphie answer in a deadpan tone "Unfortunately, yes. Especially if this dreadful feeling pans out." Carim gestures curiously towards Euphemia whom responds "That creepy Nina girl... (shudders)" Carim asks "What's so creepy about her?"

"She masturbated with a table." After hearing Euphemia's response Carim basically is silenced in shock for a good while and sits down while leaning her head in the desk face down.

And covering her arms on top of her head.

During that Kergenko escapes distraught to the elevators trying to avoid only to see a strewn pile of bodies chopped into pieces among them the ones with the ESF uniforms, and sees a girl with long blue hair, a gothic lolita dress, and a cat tail with a blue bow. Holding a long black schyte with a blood red blade and long chain at the bottom commenting "These fools really cause a mess. And they delayed me as well after all, since you are here, it must mean, Full Frontal got his ass handed to him by the old man already. Must have been... (evil chuckle) amusing..." An angry Kergenko yells out "YOU BITCH!" And rushes at her with murder on her mind. Only to be caught in a loop. Constantly running, but not moving anywhere. And then the girl chuckles and says "The name is Bernkastel. Go... Shuurajou... And then the scythe begins to scream in a blood curdling manner,terrifying Kergenko and with one slash splits apart Kergenko but then the body is frozen, and somehow Kergenko is alive. While Berkanstel reveals her face, a copy of Rika Fuurude's only with soulless blue eyes without a glim of emotion or soul behind them. "If you ever see a girl named Rika Fuurude, let me know." And with those words she disappears into thin air, leaving Kergenko standing intact

with all the blood and bodies gone without a trace. Kergenko is left stunned and scared stiff wondering what the hell has she gotten into.

**To be continued...**


	37. Road trip: 12 The brawl apple

**ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip**

_A legendary martial arts master... Renowned by all for his feats of sheer badassery... You know what? Fuck this shit! I'm out of Chuck Norris jokes, so let's just get this stuff over with... He is... Segata Sanshiro! _

**Segata Sanshiro returns**

We rejoin Segata Sanshiro and Brave the hard as they are going to beat the bloody shit out of each other. Two mighty warriors, ready to put their beliefs and their lives on the line. Ready to dragon kick each others asses straight to the milky way, like some Fist of the motherfucking North star "What the hell are you doing Brave?" "Ah! Lady Uni! W-w-well, err..." Then again... We were looking for the Papa Smurf guy who is supposed to be here." Nepgear cuts in and comments "We already got to him Brave." Segata quickly rushes in pushing back Brave into a wall and yells at Nepgear "IS IT TRUE!" "Yes... We were just heading to the Basilicom to interrogate him." "Let's go Brave!" Yells Segata as Brave gets up while shaking off the rubble from the wall and reverting to his original color as Segata grabs him and drags him off." Uni explains

"We'll go in the car." Segata comments "Miss Uni has a car?" While Nepgear dejectedly comments "You haven't seen Leanbox's capital have you?" As the foursome head to a black colored top down convertible,

with yellow rims Brave can't help but lampshade "I don't suppose you stole that from Fate Testarossa?" Uni annoyed denies it with "That is ridiculous! Everything Lastation produces is completely original!"

And as the four get on the car and drive on. Including Brave who somehow fits in the passenger seat perfectly even thought he is at least 15 feet tall, has wings and is a fucking robot made out of vehicles and a lion.

"Come on Uni!" "No Nepgear!" "But Uni! Look its perfect for that!" "Dammit Nepgear ever since Neptune left for the Ultradimension you've been doing nothing more than bothering me!"

Segata curiously gestures about the situation to Brave whom answers. "Well it seems that a little while ago Neptune or as you would call her Lady Purple heart has left her position as Planeptune's CPU for an indefinite period." Segata shocked comments "You are joking!" "No joke dude, It probably won't do much considering some time dilation bullcrap where a day here is a year there but still I'm pretty sure we're screwed over here sequel wise."

"Oh fine Nepgear!" "YAY! Thank you Uni!" And Nepgear presses several buttons in the car's radio turning it on and starting the song "What is love?" Nepgear then yells out while raising her arms

"Okay everyone let's go!" Brave asks "What is going on?" While Uni moans in frustration while driving. Segata answers with "Oh that's the song from Night at the Roxbury!" Brave then responds with "Oh yeah!

That movie!" Nepgear then looks at the duo and yells out let's do the scene from the car." Segata and Brave look at each other and silently agree and all three prepare Nepgear then says "Okay, Okay, its starting...

Ready, go! And as the lyrics begins the trio begin to nod their heads to the song while Uni facepalms in embarrassment

**Season 2 Episode 12: The brawl apple **

**Written by aliastheabnormal**

Foreword by aliastheabnormal

Before we begin this little misadventure, I would like to say and explain some things... I am fucking sick and tired of the New York arc I've been doing this shitty arc for over a year and even with the side-stories

I cannot take this crap anymore. This episode will explain what happened but I am NEVER touching New York in this series EVER AGAIN. It is my Hueco mundo arc.

Due to arc fatigue this episode will be reduced to the more important moments such as the main fight and other smaller scenes

**Final battle over New York**

We now join Celestial Being as they are in the middle of a brawl between themselves, the Federation, Paptimus Scirrocco's team, and several monsters from The obviously evil organization 4kids, let's watch.

An explosion rocks New York's downtown as 00 Quanta finishes off the last of the 4kids monsters. Lockon congratulates Setsuna with some clapping as them and the other three Gundam Meisters,

Allellujah, Soma and Tieria look at a rather worried group of villains alongside the Federation's GN-X III and IV squads. Pointing rifles at their beaten foes. Paptimus angrily yells out "You fools! Do you really think you can get the best of Papti..." And an explosion from one of Allellujah's and Soma's shared Gundam Harute's beam rifles leaves The O minus a head and knock Paptimus flat on his ass." Jerid, inside his Baund Doc which is basically a cross between an egg and a kangaroo with a gray and pink paint job. I'm not joking here, angrily blurts out "DAMN! Even with the Baund Doc and Sarah using the Bolinoak Sahmmann we still lost!" As his Baund Doc suddenly has its reaming arm fall apart up to its elbow, leaving sparks and smoke. Reccoa with her Palace Athene having most of its weapons minus its twin barreled rifle either blown off or useless bitterly snarking "Maybe we should just admit we've become nothing more than a joke." Yazan angrily yells out "Blahbleepblehblup!" When a voice from out of nowhere snidely comments

"You're right you know." Paptimus with utter fear in his tone comments "It can't be!" Soma shocked asks "What the hell? Is Scirrocco, actually afraid?" Lockon retorts with

"What could scare that smug asshole so bad?" Tieria responds with worry to the question with "If I'm right, we have a damn good reason to be scared..." The voice continues to speak as a giant purple mecha descends from the sky. Dotted with green lines in its pylons and black in his arms and knees alongside shades of orange and carrying an assault rifle with visual hints of a secondary ax mode which he aims right at Scirrocco's cockpit saying "One more thing... You're fired. And fires a shot that makes everything appear in slow motion. Leading Sarah to jump in the way and take the lethal shot, piercing thru her suit leaving a massive hole in its wake. And with a tearful smile and the words "Goodbye... Master Paptimus... The Bolinoak explodes disintegrating Sarah dead much to the other shock of all involved. As the machine gracefully lands yellow eyes glow in its face which looks like a helmet with a large horn. The soldiers are panicking with massive chatter and worry. Lockon said "Is that Evangelion Unit 01?" Allellujah responds in utter disbelief "Shinji Ikari? If this is a bad joke I'm not laughing." Setsuna angrily yells out "Who are you?!" And the video screen in the Gundam activates revealing a familiar white and blue plug-suit with its face hidden by a

blue helmet with a purple visor which for some reason looks like a cat's head. Which suddenly opens up to reveal Shinji Ikari, wielding a smug and confident smile that would fit Lex Luthor better. "Oh, its you.

Its been a long time Celestial Being. How have you been doing? I've been real busy, being trapped in WTFspace. Because you killed me." Jerid yells out "That last part is bullshit!" Shinji retorts with "perhaps" And flash steps behind Jerid's Baund Doc and in an instant plows his Eva's right arm behind the Baund Doc's hand, tearing out Jerid and destroying the suit with ease and Shinji with the words "This is Evangelion unit 13, and YOU are no longer needed." And crushes Jerid dead. "Father was right, being evil is awesome!" Everyone looks on in shock as Unit 13 drops Jerid's "remains" and licks his blood covered hand.

Scaring the GNX troops away much to the annoyance of Lockon. "What the hell? You're leaving?!" Tieria comments "Calm down Lockon. Right now we are facing an enemy too dangerous for them. If they stayed they would only slow us down.

Meanwhile in the Ptolemaious 2 kai its crew are preparing for an emergency take off as maintenance crews scramble to get to safety. Lasse Aeon readying the ship for launch comments "Well isn't this a mess.

I knew Mannequin told us things were gonna be bad, but nothing like this. And where is Graham anyways?" Feldt scratching her head in frustration reports "Nothing yet from him." Sumeragi at that time finishes off another bottle of rum and says "Everybody focus, we are taking off. (hic) Ptolemaious, taking off!" Anew Returner then transmits from the ships hangar in a sky blue version of the Celestial Being pilot suit inside the cockpit of the GN-A02 Akwos G a Gundam based on the Nadleeh Akwos but with light blue parts and a GN drive Tau powering it. It also has larger shoulders with fins which house four GN slashers each CN fang like attachments but with solid blades. "This is Anew Returner, I'm taking off in the Akwos!" Feldt replies worriedly with "Are you sure that's a good idea?" Anew starts to frown angrily as Feldt looks on worriedly and stutters out "W-w-well, I mean... ugh... The others are trained for this... And don't have brain damage..." Anew angrily snaps back with "How dare you say that you racist!

I mean just because I am of a different mental orientation doesn't make me any less capable of being a pilot!" As Feldt turns off the com-link she tells Milena. "I don't suppose you can let her go.

Maybe she will get herself killed." As for Milena, she seems to be masturbating to a picture of Tieria comments "Yessss..."

And back at the site of the horrible massacre for ineffective comedic villains... Setsuna tried to charge at Shinji but is stopped by a scythe being tossed in front of him and then "Lightning... Evangelion... kick..."

Rei Ayanami lands from above in her shiny new Evangelion attempting an Inazuma kick. "Its an Evangelion kick... Its totally different and has nothing to do with that anime and its sequel... Or its side story interquel magna of questionable canonicity..." As Setsuna and the Eva back off he sees that it is a nearly white one with a strange cape covering its pylons resembling somewhat four wings or tentacles protruding from the back.

It also had several orange highlights and a large single green eye visor. Rei then announces "This is Evangelion unit 09... Miss Lacus gave us these to defeat you..." The other three Meisters go to help Setsuna with Tieria leading the charge. Only to stop at a barrage of fire from above. Although unharmed thanks to their GN fields three more Eva's similar to 09 appear. Only these have more orange than white in their bodies,

and two normal eyes in their heads. Rei comments to the group "Evangelion units 0.0... Quatre, Cinq and Sei... They are my sisters... Say hi everyone..." The taller silver haired one on the left commented calmly

"I am Rei Quattro. And even thought I don't like listening to Shinji." Before going on a deranged anger fit "I WILL KILL YOU ALL! YOU WILL ALL DIE AT MY HANDS! I WILL SPLATTER YOUR BLOOD ALL OVER THE BATTLEFIELD! AND YOU WILL DIEEEEEE!" And calms down again "Nice too meet you all." The Rei in the center which has short bobbed hair and a pair of goggles cheerfully introduces herself as "Hey you guys! I am Rei Cinq. I know my sisters are weird, but they are good people. Say after this is over I don't suppose we could hang out or something? I know this awesome place and."

Suddenly Cinq is cut off by the Rei on the right which is childlike in appearance and with a stuffed brown teddy bear. "Hello I am Rei... er... Six? Am I right Mr. Gen?" And Six begins to throw her voice into the bear and its surprisingly good at it. With the voice being masculine and gruff and little mouth movement suggesting otherwise. "That's right Six-chan. You are such a good girl. Now you guys, Can you feel the sunshine?" Suddenly a chuckle comes from the Raphael Gundam as Tieria realizes an important fact. "There is nothing to fear from these four." Rei retorts with "How come..." "Because ladies and gentlemen." And Tieria arms his giant GN backpack cannons, aiming straight at Rei and 09 "We have more firepower than you!" Rei is shocked at the realization that the 0.0 have no weapons and that her scythe is fairly beyond her reach.

Prompting her to break her stoicism with a "Oh crap... Say, you guys wouldn't hit a minor, right?" And thus all the Gundam Meisters lock and load at the four Ayanami's whom are frozen in collective in fear,

muttering a collective "shit..." Before getting blown to hell by the combined power of Celestial being. And being forced to retreat in desperation while being pursued by gratuitous firepower courtesy of Raphael and Zabanya. "Fuck... fuck... fuck... fuck... fuck... How could this get any worse?" And as if by providence Rei upon muttering that sentence has her Eva burnt to a crisp by the incoming Akwos while the 0.0's are greeted to the Ptolemy's massive firepower.

Meanwhile we go to another one sided, ASS WHOOPEN!. Shinji is using his EVA-13 to smack around Yazan and his Hamrabi like a bitch... literally. (SLAP) Where's my money bitch?! (SLAP)

Where's my fucking money?!" Shinji yells as he smacks the Hamrabi's face/nose cone thingy to which Yazan responds with "Blahbehbehble Bleehblehba!" Shinji looks at the Hamrabi and responds

"So I can't hurt you by slapping you in the face? Thanks for the heads up." And Unit.13 unlocks its lower arms and uses one to rip open the Hamrabi's cockpit and the other one to try and grab Yazan forcing him in desperation to kick Unit 13 in the crotch. Which actually works due to an Evangelion's need to synchronize with the pilot. Which in retrospect the fact that it can do that is both insane and dangerous when you are fighting monsters whose primary attack typically revolve around tearing you a new one. Shinji drops the suit as Yazan readies his big ass beam rifle using it to land several hits leaving him reeling. He then looks at Paptimus and Reccoa the other two still alive and passionately says "Blehblahbehbleh!" Reccoa then comments "You're saying you will hold off the boy while we escape?" "Bluhbuh!" "You're mad!

We should all escape together!" "Blehblehblehbleh!" Paptimus then adds "You fool! Do you want to die?!" "Blohbluh" "No! I won't allow it Yazan!" And then as Yazan begins to speak, his suit explodes, revealing a jellyfish like purple bit from the back, covered in the bloody remains of what was once Yazan Gable. And to the tune of a sad slow piano and slow motion big No's. The glowing eyes of Unit.13 show themselves from the wreckage as the bit return to its right shoulder pylon. Reccoa angrily rushes in firing whatever weapons she has left until they are empty and even then yelling out loud "You monster!" Only for her shots to be all blocked by an AT field formed by all four of Unit 13's bits. The bits then begin to circle Reccoa when they are shot down by Scirrocco's The O using its four arms all wielding rifles to shoot down each bit.

"Master Paptimus!" "Stay focused Reccoa! For the glory of the P-force! We must whip this little bitch in the ass!" "Hell yeah!" With Scirrocco providing cover fire stopping Shinji from moving or attacking.

Reccoa ejects the damaged armor add-ons on her Palace Athene pulls out the beam sabers inside its forearms and aims for Unit.13's chest when Reccoa is sniped dead from the side and The O legs are heavily damaged in one shot, stopping him cold. By an invisible enemy that starts singing the 356-step march in a girls voice.

_Shiawase wa aruite konai, dakara aruite yuku 'n da ne  
>Ichinichi, ippo. Mikka de sanpo.<br>Sanpo susunde, niho sagaru  
>Jinsei wa, one-two-panchi...<em>

And as an invisibility screen is removed the killer, a pink Evangelion unit with a beam rifle in hand. A holographic targeting screen vanishes revealing a head with three horns and eight individual neon green eyes.

With a white stomach stripe and lower arms and several orange highlights "Hey all you bitches and pimps! Mari Illustrious Marikami and Evangelion Unit-08 are here!" Revealing another girl, this one with brown hair and a ponytail as well as a pink plug-suit chuckling quietly. And as both her and Shinji ready weapons at the incapacitated Paptimus and Reccoa, Reccoa tries to switch sides with "Dudes!

I don't suppose I can join you guys?" Paptimus yells out "You traitor!" Mari plainly states "Nope!" And Reccoa could only mutter "balls..." While looking at an enraged Scirrocco as the duo unceremoniously rip the two remaining suits to pieces, killing them both. "Well that was fun." Mari gloated as she took off her glasses to clean them a bit. "And now to get those Celestial being's... balls..."

As Mari turns to face alongside Shinji the combined might of all the Gundam Meisters readying their weaponry and Anew commenting while pointing her sword at Unit-08 saying. "We are going your ass twice as hard because of that last line pinky." "WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE REI CLONES?!" Lockon answered with "We sent them packing, that's what!" Mari then regains her composure as she boasts "Ha! No worries!

Me and Shinji boy can take you all on! Right Shinji boy?" Tieria commented "The guy in the other EVA bailed while you were talking. You are on your own." In incredible shock Mari drops her rifle and just stands there for several uncomfortable moments. Prompting Setsuna to worriedly ask "Are you all right?" Causing Mari to blush and then yell out "This ain't over yet! GOONGALA!" And then before she can draw her progressive knives from her hidden waist compartments Mari gets unceremoniously creamed by the Meisters, leaving her on the ground defeated and KO'd.

**The breakout**

Later that night. We find Homura Akemi looking at the wreckage around the Chrysler building. Most pedestrians have left, leaving only city officials, the obligatory cable news groups, and one or two bloggers taking pictures of the action from afar. Holding a white orb-like seal thing with pink pigtails and red ribbons attempting to hide a massively blushing face to the point of glowing neon, with a black scarf covering half her face. The strangely Pokemon like orb that 4chan claims is a seal looks at Homura and after yawning says to her. "Homura-cha! Homura-cha! Are you alright?" Homura at that point glows red and mutters

"So cute... I'm holding Madoka... In my arms... Even if this is a communication device... Madoka..." Not even noticing she is standing on top of Nina Einstein who has apparently been forgotten by everyone,

even while lying in the middle of a sidewalk for at least 6 hours. And with signs of being stomped on many times before. "Still, why did Madoka decide to stuff a communications device inside a Gomadoka plushie?"

"I thought you would like it Homura-cha. And now I can make sure you aren't masturbating with my ribbons." Homura does not comment on the situation and walks off until noticing the police arresting Vita of the Wokenritter who is yelling up a storm. "Do you know who I am you assholes! I'm the goddamn Vita!" Sigmun exasperated at the situation tells Vita to shut the hell up. "Vita, shut the hell up." Among the police is a particular white mouse policeman with a baton whom Homura approaches and asks. "Aren't you Mappy from Beverly Hills?" Mappy looks at Homura and comments "Oh, you are that girl from the station right?

The one who got me and the boys out while that psycho lesbian was killing stuff." Homura snarks back quietly with "which one?" and snickers quietly to herself. Gomadoka angrily whispers "Homura-cha!"

in disappointment. Mappy then continues with "Basically it seems some weird catgirl showed up and blasted the suspects free, taking two and leaving one decapitated. Homura deduces

"So Sayaka and Kyoko got kidnapped and Mami got killed again. Wait! Wasn't there a little girl with them?" "Fraid not girl, its seems the small one bailed on them." Right then Satoko Hojo is found muttering around to herself "I can't believe Rika just left us two! And where is Rena anyways?

We cut to Rena sneaking away from the scene and stuffing Mami's severed head into a burlap sack while yelling in glee "I'm taking her home with me!"

Back to Satoko whom sees Homura and calls her out "Hey you're the girl from this morning! H-h- Homu Homu chan!" Homura quickly snapped and emitting an aura of death mutters "Nobody but Madoka

may call me that. Nobody do you understand you hedonistic blond bitch? Madoka is all mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine." When a random mobster alongside Graham Aker carrying the Drownball cup trophy heads to Satoko to inform her. "Miss Hojo it seems the target has been spotted by satellites. The cat-girl is heading to Japan as we have feared." "So they are going there huh? Can you get a plane ready we need to head back to Hinamizawa." "Very well miss Hojo, I will make preparations immediately." "Now all I need to do is find Rena..." And as both the mobster in the black suit and Satoko part ways Homura is basically stuck in a jealousy fueled yandere trance which will apparently last until morning.

Meanwhile in an undetermined jail cell. Sayaka Miki is looking at an injured and unconscious Kyoko resting in her lap and deep in thought. With a sad look in her eyes,

Sayaka brushes off Kyoko's hair and reminiscences. All to the sad tune of Fi's farewell.

"How long has it been since we left Mitikihara? It was all so peaceful back then... I never seemed to have been close to anyone back then. I didn't remember Madoka and even now those memories feel weird.

Turning into a witch, and dying with every contract. Strange, even thought I remember my jealousy towards Hitomi, my distrust towards Akemi and Kyoko. Somehow it feels distant,

(looks at her hands) I'm a monster... I abandoned Hitomi to die in one world... I killed those men in anger in the train... In the end I was never a heroine of justice... I was naive and stupid, and was so caught up in my pettiness, that I forced the people I cared for the most to go to another world... Akemi... No, Homura was right all along, and now this... I don't know if you can hear me Kyoko, but I will get us all back.

I promise you that much."

Smiling a bit Sayaka looks at Kyoko and after laughing for a short while. "How in the hell did I fall for you? I'm just as gay as Homura now!"

**The organization's scheming**

In another part of the universe. Deep in the remnants of the darkness beyond time. A large castle made of mismatched parts of organic and inorganic natures as well as of many differing art styles, and among it all an eerie miasma of a deep blue color, stagnating thru the air full of Einst and many other monsters and demons. Yuma Chitose is being nervously led along the inside of the castle by a mysterious being in a black coat that hides its identity. Yuma looks at the man, now seemingly wearing the same black coat as the much taller person next to him. As they reach the main hall, another black coated being this one covered by a large visor greets the duo. "Hey Braig! So this is the new kid!" Patting Yuma's head this boy has his visor disappear, revealing a a black featureless face and red eyes with an eerie smile like expression. "Its XIGBAR you punk!" Xigbar yells angrily swinging his arms to the side in the process. Vanitas stepped back and chuckled only to lean forward and wave his pointer finger. "Chill out dude! You're being as stiff as Isa.

Anyway, let's go you two. The jolly blue giant calls."

As the three enter the main hall, a large white room, circular in nature and with 13 large thrones around the perimeter. Vanitas yells out to the rest of the group who is chattering in the center of the room as Xigbar who removes his hood, showing a graying man in a ponytail with a scarred left eye covered by a pirate eyepatch leaves to report to a tall stern looking man with long blue hair at the other end of the room.

"Honeys we're home! This is our new friend Yuma Chitose. Let me introduce the rest of our little group."

A large white and black Keyblade armor showing a crown motif and an intimidating visage showing in several places what seems to be a silver heart pierced apart in the middle by a cross, especially in the chest plate.

"This is No name, a quiet guy sure, but he is a frigging fortress on legs." No heart quietly nods and steps back. The guy with the white hair and fox eyes is Gin Ichimaru a former Soul Reaper and a reliable traitor extraordinaire. "Greetings young lady, I do hope we can get along. Also this fine man next to me is Kaname Tousen, a fellow co-worker of mine in my previous endeavors. You see we once worked for a Captain Souske Aizen. But he is currently indisposed in a sense, and it is suggested that he will not be going anywhere for a very long time. So after escaping the darkness beyond time all of us decided to make a

little home base around here." Tousen a tall blind black man with cornrow hair and his eyes sealed away with a white headband also greets the newcomer. "I fell great jealousy and anger within you miss Yuma.

You should be wary." Really Captain Tousen are you going to go on on a tangent about justice again?" Vanitas then finishes with "There are some more of us, but they are busy elsewhere. Hey! Butler Zakenna show our new member to the fitting room." Right them to weird black beings showed up, one short and round and one tall and skinny. Wearing butler suits and with pure yellow eyes these are the Butler Zakenna.

After the two bowed respectfully to both Vanitas and later Yuma the tall one introduced themselves by saying in a rather nasally British voice. "Greetings, I am Abbot, super villain-minion relations.

And this is my counterpart Costello." And Costello greets with "Kenna kenna zakenna." "Anyways, Master Yuma, could you follow us to the fitting room?" Yuma asks "Why do we need these Black coats anyway?"  
>To which Gin answers "Mainly to look cool and imposing while hiding our identities." Tousen interdicted with "Wasn't it to protect against the corridors of darkness?" Gin responds to both with<p>

"Yes, but we can't use the corridors of darkness like Xenahort, Saix or Xigbar can since we are not native to their area of dimensional space." Yuma asks "Who is this Xenahort guy, Mr. Ichimaru?"

"There is no such need for formalities Yuma." Gin comments with a sly smile.

**Our main protagonists journey continues**

We now locate Athrun Zala inside a dock in the coasts of Maine, working on his latest project, a way to use the ZAFT Roader to fly to Japan to visit Kira's parents and deal with Cagali Yuna Athha, who has been crashing for the past few months in canon time and makes me realize how much of a fucking hell this story arc has become. Kira enters the dock's repair area carrying a lunch tray for Athrun alongside Lalah Sune who had joined up with the others over the night when Lalah remembered she had Kira, Tails doll, and Athrun's cell phone numbers on speed dial and she only needed to call them the day before. Kira puts the tray on a nearby table as Athrun closes the trunk of the ZAFT roader having finished the modifications after cannibalizing Lalah and Stellar's ride. Kira is rather shocked at Lalah taking it rather well. Since lets be honest,

Kira is as about oblivious to love as Monkey D. Luffy. More than likely an aftermath of Lacus assault in Season 1. "Its rather amazing how you managed to agree on using parts from Lalah's car to improve ours.

By the way Athrun." "Yes, Kira?" "This part over here what is it? It says Clyne industries. Have you ever heard of it?" Athrun in shock comments "Clyne? As in LACUS Clyne?!" After overhearing the conversation Shinn, Stellar and Tails doll as well as Ian Vahsti, mechanic for Celestial Being, burst out with Tails doll saying "Can you feel the sunshine?!" Shinn annoyed complained "Was that necessary TD?" "I haven't had an appearance in over a year! ME! The Goddamn Tails doll! Deal with it..." Ian commented "This isn't good... And rubbing his chin continued "I heard Lacus Clyne has been up to some weird stuff.

According to Tieria, the whole incident a week ago in New York was planned out by Lacus Clyne and when the Federation police went to her mansion the place exploded and most of the people sent there were dead. Apparently she has disappeared and had all her assets liquidated about a month before." Kira looks on confused and asks "Who is Lacus Clyne anyways?" And suddenly everyone else becomes silent looking at Kira in utter shock. Stellar quickly answered with "She was Cagali's girlfriend! She kidnapped you and raped you as well because of the Monkey paw!" After hearing all that Kira looks on in genuine ignorance of

said events. "Ian then explains "I'm guessing the kid has selective amnesia. Sometime after the whole Haro castle incident Kira must have subconsciously blocked his knowledge of Lacus and their shared past.

"Shinn blurts out "Lucky him, I still remember when Luna stood between me and FIRE! ...And the times she attacked us out of revenge." Lalah asked herself "What could this be anyway? It looks like a black box from one of those old airplanes from before GN drives." Ian looked at the box and said. "Where did you get the black box anyways?" Lalah answered back with "The Lublin? We got it in an used car shop in the outskirts of Los Angeles. I think the place was called Cannelloni Vito's used cars and money laundering emporium. We were kinda broke so I couldn't get anything fancy." "And Stellar doesn't get an allowance from Sting because the last time Stellar was given spending money Sting had to skip town and move to Beverly Hills next to you guys after the guys in the suits broke his legs." Shinn giggles for a short time and comments "No way! So that's what happened after I went with Luna! I'm surprised Sting never told me." "Stellar said to keep it a secret from everyone." "So why are you telling us?" "Silly Shinn-kun! Shinn-kun is Shinn-kun, not everybody-san."

Anyways, several days later, the big day arrived. As Athrun, behind a curtain began his introduction to the rest of Radiant ZAFT as well as Ian Vashti. "And so without further ado!" Athrun proudly says to an

exhausted audience after hearing him blab for the better part of an hour about his talents. Ian annoyed mutters to Kira "Is he always like this?" With Kira smiling and replying "Only around machines. Still shouldn't he be proud of it?" "Kira you are a fuckin moron." "Thank you Ian!" Kira replies, utterly oblivious of the insult. "Gentlemen, BEHOLD! The ZAFT roader custom!" And Athrun reveals the ZAFT roader.

Looking exactly the same. only red and with a gray logo. Tails doll face palms and chides Athrun with "Another red car?" Athrun proudly yells out "Of course! It goes three times faster, AND its more maneuverable!" Tails doll in annoyed tone says "prove it..."

A few minutes later the ZAFT roader fully loaded flies off, rocketing at amazing speeds to Japan. And as they head to the horizon Tails doll sobs out. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

**To be continued.**


	38. Special 6: We are the force

A long time ago..

In a galaxy far, far away...

**ZAFT OF THE RADIANCE**

**Special 6: We are the force**

Dark times have befallen the galaxy as a coup inside Lucas Arts led to the takeover of the evil Disney empire.

With the minds behind its success silenced, the beloved Star Wars franchise can only look on in horror as it is raped dead like the Power Rangers once were.

We dedicate this song as a memento to a franchise that there is no way in fucking hell that Disney executives won't annihilate.

And to criticize the new trilogy which will suck so bad it will make Jar Jar Binks look brilliant in comparison.

We are the force

Based on We are the world by Michael Jackson and that other guy nobody remembers that sang All night long.

Music composed by: The Mos Eisley Cantina band and Count Dooku

Lyrics by: Luke Skywalker (Jedi master, founder of the second Jedi order.)

Anakin "Darth Vader" Skywalker (Sith Lord)

Han Solo: (smuggler, New Republic/Galactic alliance general)

Leia Organa Solo (Senator/Chancellor of the New Republic)

Boba Fett (Mandalorian Bounty Hunter)

Chewbacca (Wookie)

Mace Windu (Bad ass motherfucker Jedi Knight)

Admiral Ackbar (Admiral in the Rebel Alliance/ Cereal spokesperson)

Yoda: (Jedi Master and inspiration for Badass Jedi Mickey Mouse from Kingdom Hearts)

Lando Carlissian (General in the Rebel Alliance/New Republic and businessman)

Obi Wan Kenobi (Jedi knight, Force ghost)

Emperor "Darth Sidious" Palpatine (Dark Lord of the Sith, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, The most powerful Sith of all time)

HK-47 (Bounty hunting killbot)

C-3PO and R2-D2 (Droids belonging to the Skywalker extended family)

Jabba the Hutt (Hutt crime lord)

Qui Gon Jinn (Jedi knight)

Guest apparences by: The 401'st Imperial Stormtrooper legion

Michael Jackson

The music begins playing as a CGI version of the Death Star sprouts Mickey ears and explodes into cash. While the Mos Eisley band begin playing the music with Count Dooku in a suit and a

composer's baton. We start off with Luke Skywalker's part.

_There's a company._

_And we call it Disney._

_And it bought the Star Wars franchise quick._

_There were executives, screwing over George Lucas big._

_Kicking him, to the curb mercilessly._

Now we turn to Han Solo's part who is also playing a piano

_If you don't believe, things will go to fucking piss._

_Then go watch Power Rangers under Bruce Kalish._

Mace Windu's part, in rap form.

_Yo check it out! Marvel isn't doing great either they even dared to kill of Peter._

_And replace him with Dr. Octopus in his body._

_I'm dead serious about this bullshit._

Princess Leia begins to sing with an ukelele accompaniment

_We are the force_

_We are the fanbase_

_We made sci-fi big again, not you Disney asses._

_Theres a choice you're making_

_To ruin everything_

_By making an unwanted third trilogy._

Han Solo plays the piano once more and a Stormtrooper lands down gracefully and says "Okay people, Darth Vader and the 401'st is in the house." And the camera cuts to Darth Vader with the rest of the 401'st platoon.

_Yo! Yo! Matt Austin, Motherfucker!_

_Saying Saban sucks ass!_

_You got some big ass balls!_

_You took your cash and ran!_

_And now you're doing movies?  
>Which all are pieces of crap!<em>

_Broke body saints? _

_What the fuck is that?!_

Vader hands Chewbacca the mike who turns on a translator that has Eminem's voice somehow.

_I'll fly down to New Zealand!  
>With the Vader's hand!<em>

_And when I get there!_

_I'll wookie choke your ass!_

_No one fucks with me!  
>Cuz I'm Chewbacca twit!<em>

_Got that bitch?_

And the 401'st all chant in unison "We'll kick your ass!" With Chewbacca roaring, cocking his bowcaster. And Vader activating his lightsaber next to them. And now we cut to C-3PO alongside R2-D2.

"My this brings back memories R2! Anyways shall we?" R2 beeps in unison as the two take turns in their parts.

_We are the force_

_Beep, beep, bwoop_

_We gave hope to the 70's not you Disney bitches._

_Beep, beep beep beep, bwoop, beep beep, beep, beep beep beep, Gwaaaahh, beep, beep, beep!_

_Not even Michael Bay could screw this up even more._

And now we have Yoda hitting a massive fifteen minute metal guitar solo of great epicness complete with back and front flips, and a Jimmi Hendrix like bit where he gets on his knees and rises his guitar in the air while playing it. Everyone around is visibly impressed as the guitar and speakers burst into flames, triggering the emergency sprinklers. "Old school, bitches." Then Palapatine has his part.

You know, there is a choice you're making, when you buy those movie tickets next year or so. And all we have to say is, up yours Disney! Isn't that right MJ? Michael Jackson's ghost shows up with his

smooth criminal look saying ."That's right Emperor. We can't let Disney ruin another piece of pop culture history, or else we are gonna have nothing but a nation of bronies!" And on cue we get a big no from Vader off-screen.

And now we get in one half screen Boba Fett and the other half HK-47 With Boba's part of the song first and HK's second.

_Shoot them in the head_

_Shoot em in the ass._

_Continuing song_

_These meat-bags must be stopped._

Then Lando Carlissian shows himself in the middle annoying HK. And sings in a rather bluesy tone of voice.

_You-u-u-u must realize._

_That this is all way too gay._

And all three at the same time finish simultaneously by singing, except HK who starts earlier by saying "concluding song"

_This meat-bags are nothing but a pain!_

Obi-Wan and Admiral Ackbar also do their part with Ackbar in a blur and Obi-Wan focused by the camera.

_We are the force._

_We are the fanbase_

_We are the ones that before that Shirley chick gave hopes and dreams._

Now Ackbar is focused instead while Obi Wan is blurred

_We cannot handle crap of such magnitude_

_It's a trap! And now we are screwed._

And now Jabba appears laying down with the microphone next to him. Since we don't know shit about Huttese we will simply use a translator for the situation at hand.

_We are the force_

_We are the fanbase_

_We made _sci-fi_ big way back then._

_Really if it were, left up to me._

_I would feed the Lucas Arts board to the Sarlaac really quick._

Qui Gon, Obi-Wan and Darth Vader all join in to sing the last part

_Theres a choice you're making_

_To ruin everything_

_You canceled Clone Wars for these shitty new movies?!_

And finally all of the cast alongside Dooku still directing finish the song together in a sound room with the Cantina band playing their best, and the 401'st plus Michael Jackson joining the Chorus.

With Yoda on the guitar.

_We are the force_

_We are the fanbase_

_We made sci-fi big again, not you Disney asses._

_Theres a choice you're making_

_To ruin everything_

_By making an unwanted third trilogy._

_We are the force_

_We are the fanbase_

_We made sci-fi big way back then._

_Really if it were, left up to us._

_We would feed the Lucas Arts board to the Sarlaac really quick._

_We are the force._

_We are the fanbase_

_We are the ones that before that Shirley chick gave hopes and dreams._

Countless franchises are getting killed every day tragically.

The companies responsible claim fan disinterest and poor sales.

But the thing is.

That its not the fan who abandon the series.

Its the corporations who whore the franchises to death.

The talentless hacks they hire for cheap.

Hypocritical moral guardians who swear, drink and fuck all night anyway

And executives back stabbing each other to get ahead at the cost of quality and artistic freedom.

Disney only has itself to blame.

And if Lucas Arts gets dismantled, then you people in charge kinda earned it.

And the song fades out with Yoda on the guitar and Chewbacca drumming along.

**To be continued...**


	39. Road trip 13: Keronian diamond

**ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip**

_Still not coming up with Chuck Norris facts. Deal with it._

**Segata Sanshiro returns**

**Final episode: Shit gets virtually real**

After reaching the Leanbox Basilicom where the mysterious Papa Smurf was said to be contained, only to find out that the place is totally wrecked. As the foursome search the rubble they find a little girl in yellow with cat gloves. Her yellow clothes are similar to a bee and somewhat of a raccoon with two red orb things on top of her dark blond hair. "Peashy!" Nepgear yells loudly as she rushes to get her up. Brave goes as well and using his robotic strength and bigness manages to pull Peashy out of the rubble. Brave asks "Friend of yours Miss Nepgear?" "Yes, this is Peashy" Nepgear answers as she gets

Peashy on her feet again saying. "P-ko is fine." As other rescuers also begin to swarm the wreckage a Basilicom employee visibly relieved asks "Lady Purple Sister, Lady Yellow Heart. Are you alright?"

Segata asks "What is happening?" A firefighter informs the group that "Some guy attacked the Basilicom, went and curb stomped all of the security. Lady Green Heart and Yellow Heart stayed behind and fought the man as everyone escaped. But Lady Green Heart was sent flying into the horizon and the Basilicom was destroyed." Also Miss Cave and Falcom went after the intruder, but we have to hear from them."

Uni goes to the group with a look of concern mentioning to all. "Whoever did this strong, he beat everyone easily. The wreckage is in such a way that the explosion of the Basilicom was an afterthought.

Too little collateral damage for there to have been a long fight. "Indeed, it was easy to beat those two girls." A mysterious voice comments as Uni continues with "I know, probably those big boobs."

"My you seem to have image issues." "Hilarious, voice guy." Uno snarks back as everyone else looks at the source of the voice. With Peashy being especially scared. Hiding behind Nepgear and holding on tightly to her. "Its him... He beat up Bert..." Nepgear looks at Peashy seeing an expression of terror and meekness. Immediately realizing that the mysterious robed figure with closed eyes and purple hair.

"Hi everyone!" The man speaks up with a smile "I am Xelloss the trickster priest. As you can see this handiwork is my doing. I must apologize I guess I went too far. I even seem to have scared that little girl over there." And as Xelloss cheerfully waves at Peashy she visibly becomes more horrified, freezing up like a deer in the headlights. To which Uni comments "Nepgear, Brave, can I count on you keep Peashy safe? Nepgear nods in acceptance as Brave steps forward drawing and igniting his sword. "Yes Miss Uni, this fiend must pay for his crimes!" Segata says "I will fight as well." To Uni as

she changes into HDD mode a scantily clad white haired girl with black armor and a giant black railgun with pale green highlights to which Brave shows amazement. "Isn't that?" Brave asks to which

Uni replies. "The Brave cannon." and smiles as she shoots several shots all of which hit Xelloss dead on in the face. And after the smoke clears revealing Xelloss no worse for wear and completely unmoved, merely dusting off his brown robe and mentioning. "My, my, that miss Arfoire had problems with them? I can't help but be amused at it all.

Meanwhile Nepgear hands over Peashy to the police telling her. "Don't worry Peashy, it will all be alright." Smiling as she changes into her HDD form, a white body suit with lilac wings and a large gunblade called an M.B.P.L, her white and purple NG Type-124 Woundwort. "Brave, there are going to need our help. I know that..." Brave stops her from saying anything and comments.

"There is no need to worry. I only assisted Trick out of camaraderie anyways. And my battle with Segata can wait. Lets go Segata!" Segata nods as the two flank Xelloss with Brave strafing to the left and swinging his sword, launching a wave of fire at Xelloss "Miss Nepgear! Miss Uni!" Then the two CPU candidates fire their respective guns. Nepgear providing covering fire while Uni charges up the Brave cannon by pulling a switch, opening its jaws and gathering a large amount of energy into a sphere which she fires into the flames causing a massive explosion. Leading Segata to lunge in and lay on the pain with multiple punches and kicks, whose impact were heard across the land. Only to no effect, and the shock of all. Xelloss then opens his eyes, and with the words. "My turn." Causes a massive blast that covers the area. Vaporizing all in its wake except our heroes who are all down for the count deep inside a massive crater which Xelloss is hovering overhead.

**To be continued next time in Hyperdimension Segata Sanshiro!**

**Author's note:** We at Radiant ZAFT would like to apologize for the lack of new content over the past year. A combination of both writer burn out from the New York arc and a horrible net provider service that left us without a connection for multiple days at a monthly basis have slowed down all progress. The provider has been changed, and a new computer has been bought so hopefully things will improve.

Before our tale begins. We find ourselves in a space station somewhere in Lagragne point 2 where several mobile suits are being finished. Among them three Gundams, which are being equipped with

GN drives. In a nearby room we find Chall Acustica, the leader of the Celestial Being black-ops division Ferheste, Sherelyn Hyde, one of Ian Vashti's top apprentices, alongside Hanayo, a former Gundam Meister, and Leif Recitativo a Ribbons type Innovade being seen thru a video screen. Whom alongside Hanayo serves as an observer for Celestial Being in a conversation involving those suits. Chall after chugging down some water from a bottle and rubbing her temples, asks of Leif. "Why are we even involved in this situation? This isn't Celestial being's department anyways. And this facilities are technically

the property of the Halevy family." Hanaya replies with "I understand your concern, but you read the reports as well. The warp void is about to burst open any day now." Chall counters with

"Still, this Deer's eye foundation. It just appeared one day out of nowhere, and everyone is acting like it always existed. But, we remember it didn't. Sherelyn asked "I don't know, I think this is kinda neat.

We managed to get some major info involving ZAFT's technology. It really is similar to Lacus Clyne's public stuff before she vanished." Chall looks at a data-pad and comments "The GNA series,

that means that things are accelerating much faster than expected. Also these strange retcons, and everyone believing they are normal." Leif adds in explanation "I believe that the retcons are intentional

in some aspects. After all several people who noticed them seems to be of previous or current importance." "Isn't that the effects of the warp void?" Chall asks while putting down the datapad.

To which Leif answers. "Yes, Veda's new assistant search system is using these effects to look for potential allies." "VICKY huh? Are you sure its wise to add another custodian to Veda.

I'm still concerned about Regene Regetta's considerable administrative powers." Hanayo concerned mentions "Its better to have him on our side quite honestly. Remember that Regene can take control of any GN drive based technology, genuine drives or Tau's. And its because of him that we manage to remove the influence of Ribbon's generals from Veda." Leif frowned and retorted "Too bad Anew couldn't be

fully restored." Sherelyn mutters "Wasn't that Ribbons' doing in the first place? Mr. Tieria did a lot considering most of her data was nearly decomposed and fragmented."

**Chapter 13: Keronian diamond**

And after much exposition and foreshadowing, we find our heroes in a shitty third world prison, incarcerated in a miserable pen. "WHAT, THE, HELL?!" Yells out Athrun while grasping the metal bars.

Tails doll is meanwhile playing "Can you feel the sunshine?" on a harmonica he pried off the nearby skeleton of a less fortunate prisoner. "Well, let's see, we were flying over the Congo because Kira and Shinn wanted bananas because they saw a program of some gorillas eating bananas on a zoo. And we got shot down by anti-air defenses. And here we are." And as TD finishes his explanation Kira and Shinn both cringe at the face of Athrun's barely contained anger. When a gruff Piccollo-esque voice from the next cell yells out. "Will you quit your womanly bitching over there?!" Kira suddenly notices "Hey, that voice! Its Piccolo! Guys, we're saved!" "I'm not Piccolo you jackass!" "So you are Van Helsing?" "no." "Totoyomi Hideyoshi?" "no." "Garland?" "no." "Tres Iquis" "NO" Ronoroa Zoro?" "**NO**" "Tatsumi Saiga?"

"I'm Giroro you moron! Corporal Giroro of the Keroro platoon!" "So you aren't Rundas?" And then a massive explosion smashes thru a wall in rage with his bare hands, revealing a small red frog thingy with a ammo belt, swung on its shoulder. Angry eyes with a scar on his left eye and a cap with a skull on its center. And through a military march drumbeat gets on Kira's face. "You shrimpy turd!"

You sound just like Keroro... By the way you look familiar."

Some time and exposition later. The heroes and Giroro share their stories. "I see, well our group has been thrown around all over the middle east and Africa. Until we landed here in one of those crapwad prisons from those African warlords. And those two girls must have been taken to some brothel in town." Suddenly an armed goon whom has features, but who gives a shit? He'll be dead before the scene ends. "Wait, what did you say?" The mook commented and then boasted "Bitch you crazy, look at this bitch-ass bitches. They pussies ya knows? Pussy ass bitches. Like you; Fucking pussy ass!" Suddenly all of the prison doors fall down. Releasing a horde of pissed off convicts including our heroes. "Aww, hell..." Whom proceed to kill the guard and riot and take over the prison while our heroes jack a jeep and make for the jungle.

Giroro watches as Athrun drives off under the security forces noses, visibly impressed. "Nice job Pekoponian. By the way, how did you guys survive the crash?" Athrun comments "Maybe we lucked out." Shinn is fiddling with the radio meanwhile complaining "Work dammit! I need me some Z-ULU!" Kira asks "What do you mean?" "Z-ULU Kira! Z-ULU radio, classic rock, from darkest Africa

on demand!" Athrun meanwhile is muttering "This is the second time we crash land on some third world fuckheap like this. Anyway Corporal, where do we go next? We need to find our friends after all."

Giroro says "I know a guy who might know. An informant two towns from here. I'm also looking for Keroro and the rest as well so I'll tag along as well."

At that time in a mountain base that is hidden within one of the Congo's many illegal diamond mines. Inside a very dark and well furnished room, massive and poorly lit in scope and size. We find a massive shadow being informed of the break out and escape. "Kehehehe! So someone interesting has shown up now." In that shadow a pair of glowing golden eyes revealing themselves. "It looks like you will finally have your chance for revenge against your "friends." Mr. assassin." The eyes focus on another being covered in shadow. Only this one is very, very small in comparison with features similar to Giroro.

Which then vanishes in a flash. "You know I'm amazed you haven't caught those runts yet after all we gave you." A woman's voiced echoes out before going into an annoying noble woman's laugh which physically injures Ripley. "Dear god woman! Indoor voice! Indoor voice! Anyway 34, what are YOU doing here? Shouldn't you be talking to your imaginary friends" "Hilarious you purple dinosaur.

Anyways we've been found out by the Keronians and they sent a fleet to attack the nation of Congo under a so called rescue mission. Not to mention that the Ptolemaious is hiding alongside the Caspian sea

on standby. So we are evacuating the facilities. We already have more than enough diamonds so we will be leaving immediately." And so the mysterious 34 disappears in a flash of light.

Afterward Ridley just stays there quietly for a few moments and mutters. "What** A **bitch. And what is with the 34 thing? She is obviously that Takano chick from the Irie clinic in Hinamizawa!

There, I said it! You mad bros?"

Meanwhile back to our heroes who have reached the African town where Giroro's informant is located. The place is best described as... Well let's have Athrun describe it for us. "Goddamn!

This place looks like ass! This place sounds like ass! This place smells **ESPECIALLY** like ass! Seriously, why are we here anyways?! This is where a hot shot informant from the military is hidden here?! **WHY**?! Son of a goddamn bitch!" And as Athrun rants on to the amazement of the witnessing public, everyone else leaves to enter the wooden house where the contact is. Giroro comments to the others "What the hell is his problem?" Shinn replies with "Remember way back in season 1 when our plane got shot down in Afghanistan?" "Yeah." "Well let's just say we had a pretty crappy experience getting out." Kira added "I kinda liked it in Afghanistan guys. Those guys were pretty nice actually, they called me a Charlie and a chink. And gave me pie for dessert after eating something called "donkey balls."

Giroro just stops in awe of Kira's stupidity. "Is he really that stupid?" And Shinn retorts by stating "Well thats how we got Tails doll and Lalah on our side. So we deal with it at best as we can."

As everyone then enters Tails doll just looks at the camera and says "Did you people really expect me to say Can you feel the sunshine? In my first lines of every episode?"

And inside the building we find ourselves in a small room with several armed guards for protection and at the end we find a familiar duo of slackers. Yzak Joule and Dearka Elsman. Both dressed in camo colors and for some reason Dearka wears an army helmet and Yzak has a giant cigar on his mouth and aviator goggles. Shinn comments "Yzak? Dearka? What are you doing here?

And when were you two in the army? I always thought you two just were dealing in Coke. And doesn't this wreck the passage of in-story time?" "Why are you all meta? Isn't that Athrun's thing?"

"Athrun is outside swearing up a storm, that's why Dearka." Yzak adds "Fair enough, about the Coke, basically the courts struck down the ban so business dried up. So we went here because the Joule family is in a troublesome situation. That I believe is linked to your current predicament." Yzak tosses a few photos that Giroro looks at after jumping into Yzak's desk. "A purple dragon?" "Yes, its name is Ridley.

Its a mystery how he came back. But its possible that it is a clone again since he seems to possess a sort of genetic memory." "Zebesian pirates huh? This isn't good. Anyways, these guys are looking for two girls that hang out with them. Lalah Sune and Stellar Louisser. I don't suppose you have an idea where they are?" Yzak frowns and tells them "I believe they are being used as sex slaves in the barely legal pub down in..." And Yzak is cut off as Shinn rushes to the pub with Sonic speed. "Shit, this is bad." Tails doll asks "how bad?" "That place is run by Ripley, who owns the diamond mines up in the mountains.

If Shinn pisses him off there is going to be trouble. Dearka, get these guys to the pub pronto!" "Got it!" "Mwabe, ready those Leon drones we got the other day!" "Yes sir!" "Kenya! Ready the mix tape!"

And so we begin an epic launch sequence. First we fund an armored vehicle in black and silver. Wielding an odd plasma cannon/beam shotgun combination up top. Strange due to its power consumption even with GN drives. And with Kira entering one of the passenger seats, dragging a still swearing Athrun inside. "ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS!" Until Kira stuffs a large sock in Athrun's mouth. Dearka on the wheel asks "Are you ready guys?" And with agreeing nods from Kira, as well as Shinn and Tails doll in the back, Dearka yells out "Dearka Elsman in Buster! Ready to launch!" And floors the damn thing going off into the town barely hitting some loose chickens. Followed by four armored vans this ones colored in more normal jungle and urban camos and smaller rotating auto turrets up top.

"I'm surprised you two are here." Tails doll commented "At this rate you will become recurring characters." Dearka pops a beer and laughingly jabs. "Yeah, its amazing what we pulled off here, especially since I've been cut off from the Irish mafia, fucking Black Scottish cyclops kind. How dare they take off with my weed, blow those bastards to hell that's what I did." Dearka ruminates between chugs of alcohol. When he is suddenly forced to swerve out of the road due to a giant kitty head meteor crashing on top of the van. Revealing a small girl in a dark ominous green attire. Her eyes are blood red and her green hair longer than before and somewhat paler in tone her cat ear headband and other cat accessories being black. A staff covered in semi-organic plates and veins with a large red jewel on top and an eerie purple glow all around while floating in midair. Our heroes get out of the van and see the girl who says. "Its been a while hasn't it Radiant ZAFT?" Dearka asks "Who is this crazy bitch?" Tails doll yells out

"Be careful Dearka! I have no idea who this crazy bitch is, but I'll tell you this much. I sense pure evil out of this no name! The evil of the Einst!" And with an epic piano riff to punctuate the situation Tails doll calmly asks. "But seriously, who are you anyways?" And everyone else falls down in disbelief. "I am Yuma Chitose, Emissary of the Einst. Rejoice inferior beings for you have been chosen to be my first sacrifices to obtain the heart of my Kyoko." And as Yuma goes into Yuno Gasai mode complete with creepy orgasmic facial expressions she goes on. "Oh my Kyoko onee-sama! I will never let that woman.

No, that vile brute sword wielding bitch have you!" Suddenly Yuma's red eyes turn green and she clasps her head in pain yelling. "NO! This isn't what I wanted! Sure I was angry she was paying more attention to Sayaka, but she was nice as well... Run, Save yourselves, Before!" And then Yuma's eyes turn gold and tiny and she starts speaking in an echo. While the American theme of Yami Marik begins playing in the background and she says "Heeeereeeesss Melvin! Really, it sure is hard having to fight those three for control over this girls soul all the time." Shinn worriedly yelps "Oh dear god there is another one?" And Yuma's eyes now turn purple and she starts speaking in a British bishonen voice. "Yes, and you should be more respectful when invoking divinities even if you are an fireist Shinn Asuka."

And after some stunned silence The bishie speaks. "Allow me to explain ourselves, you see this girl is Yuma Chitose and she is a Puella Magi that came with those other four way back at the beginning of Season 1. The one with green eyes is the original, who was manipulated by the Einst into helping them escape from the void dimension that they were sent to after the unifying of the Endless Frontier." Apparently,

she got cold feet and was forced an Einst into her which corrupted her soul gem and caused these changes, due to the dimensional instabilities all around dimensional space. That also brought me and Melvin to this place from our rightful homeland into this bloody mess of crack fic, I am Florence by the way. The gold beady eyed one is Melvin and the red one is the emissary Bob." And our heroes giggle for a few seconds until Florence finishes. "Indeed, anyways it seems we have company, so I'll be leaving, cheerio lads." Melvin reappears to comments "How in the fuck is this guy supposed to be an Egyptian reincarnation anyways? Goddammit I feel like I landed in a Twilight novel around here with this girl." And finally the red eyed one, Bob took over. "As I was saying..."

Meanwhile our heroes reunite with the Keroro platoon who are in a green van with a yellow star as another two step forward, mainly Axel Almer and his perky demonic female sidekick Alfimi Einst.

Who block a rushing Bob via Axel's right straight hook to the face. To which Bob recovers from and angrily yells out. "Must we always be reminded of our failures?!" Alfimi counters in her usual slow droning and quiet tone with "Your failures in killing us back at the other dimension, or just in general?" "HA HA HA! Laugh it out predecessor! I'm gonna kill your pink ass, and your boyfriend's ass. And there is not a damn thing you can do about it!" And after barely finishing Axel lands a gut kick that launches her into and thru a buildings wall with the line. "Somebody check the clock, cuz I believe its go time!" Setting off while Alfimi blushes and twiddles her fingers. "He's not my boyfriend you know... I mean... I don't mind... If its Axel... but... Where did... everyone go?" Alfimi asks as everyone of named importance has run off somewhere.

Axel looks at Yuma punched out cold. "Now what? If its true and she was being controlled. Damn the Einst!" Axel growls angrily as he clenches his fist. "You know, you should be more gentle with

young ladies." Axel looks behind him to see the visage of Gin Ichimaru. Who stabs Axel in the heart with his Zanpaktou which briefly shows a keychain. Leaving Axel staggered and coughing up blood.

"Well, time to die my brutish friend." And thus Gin prepares for the kill, when he gets attacked by a giant sword which smashes the ground. Although Gin using Shunpo a flash step technique used by

Soul reapers like him. He dodged the giant claymore like blade know as the Zankantou, and its wielder, a tall white haired man in a red military uniform whom to the tune of One sword sure strike, comments in a deep commanding voice. "So that is a Zanpaktou? Let's see it handle a Zan-kan-tou." Gin merely dusts himself off and with his typical fox girl barely hiding a hint of annoyance asks "My and who do we have here?" The man answers with "I am Sanger, Sanger Zomvolt! The sword that cleaves evil!" "I see this world is also full of overcompensating knuckleheads. Well, I'm sure we both know how this crap works. We stand around for five chapters delivering clunky exposition and waggling our..." And Gin is suddenly shut up by a bullet to the back to the head. And the sudden playing of the song OK! Perfect!

Revealing a man in black and belt accented cowboy attire wielding the gun that fired the bullet. A fairly large rifle with a bayonet spike attached to it and carrying a revolver with a ridiculously huge barrel.

"Sorry partner, but this isn't DBZ. Now be a good boy and burn in hell." Gin then gets up rather annoyed this time but still holding on into a smile. "WHAT... NOW?" Axel surprised yells out the cowboys name whom removes his hat revealing his silver hair and cocky expression. "Haken Browning!" "Well Aosheru, how ya doing? And where is your lady friend?" Alfimi then appears from behind Gin after stabbing him in the bag and blasting him with her demon head apparitions which shoot him into a small distance behind everyone else. "I'm right here... Haken... Sorry... I'm late Axel..." Axel smiles and comments

"Don't worry, it takes a lot more than that to kill me. You know that better than anyone." Alfimi smiles and then turns to face Gin who is no longer amused only to get shot several times after getting up.

And now we get the theme Arisu in Wonderland playing and cut to the distance where two silhouettes appear. A girl who is rather slender (and flat) using a gun with a knife on its handle and wielding a

Khakkara staff with fox ears and hair tied up in what appears to be the shape of nine fox tails commenting playfully. "Fufufu. So you're Gin Ichimaru? You really give foxes a bad name you know." And a muscular man carrying a rack of three katanas one shotgun like weapon and one typical revolver with black and white hair tells the fox girl "Well Xiaomu, compared to Saya and the Ouma this guy is all talk." "Still Reiji." Xiaomu muses "This guy took quite a few blows, he really is a Grim reaper. But then again, I also sense something else inside him. Strange isn't it?" "Damn you... Damn you all..." Gin mutters, enraged to the point of showing his eyes. "How dare you... But still..." Suddenly Gin collapses and vomits blood." Reiji explains "Don't bother getting up. Those were special Shinra made bullets.

Designed to kill demons. It seems they work pretty well of Visored as well." "Reiji Arisu?" Axel asks to which Reiji nods quietly. Another woman's voice is heard on the groups comlink saying "Hello, hello, this is Kaguya speaking. The girl is back at the Kurogane so you all can pull out." Haken comments "Good job princess, and turns to Gin "Well it looks like we won amigo. So I suggest you skedaddle. Unless you wanna take all six of us at once." Gin remains silent for a few moments and teleports away with a sneer."

At that time we find Yzak being given a suitcase with the Celestial Being logo engraved in it by a large stranger in a hood which barely hides a very bulky armor. And another suitcase with a large amount of unmarked cash being given to Kwame by two of the hooded ones associates. Yzak comments "I guess I shouldn't ask questions considering the pains you are going through to deliver this to Athrun and company. But still if I'm right, then why?" The hooded voice replies simply with "War can sometimes create odd allies." And salutes before Yzak leaves in his white APC.

And our main cast is escaping with most of the Keroro Platoon. Alongside Giroro we have the leader Sergeant Keroro, A green frog like being with a yellow star in his belly and red star in his helmet,

Private Second class Tamama, a navy blue Keronian shorter and younger with a tadpole tail and with a badge like mark. And Sergeant Major Kururu, who is curry yellow, swirly glasses and a swirl motif of sorts using a human sized robot suit to drive their van openly. In the windowless back is a rather large base with a bridge and several amenities including a kitchen, individual well furnished rooms and a

large room full of Gunpla figurines, Keroro's typical hobby. Shinn is visibly amazed at the sight with Tails doll looking condescendingly amused at Shinn's wonderment. "Really Shinn? Have you never seen a subspace dimension before?" "Not really TD. And if I did they sure aren't as flammable as this. This just drives my arsonist spirit wild!" "Isn't your "arsonists spirit" what got us that crazy Lunamaria chick to try to kill us twice?" "Why are you so scared?" Shinn retorts in an annoyed way while crossing his arms. "Luna is in hell now remember. That Jean-Luc guy sent her there when he was summoned.

Besides I'm sure Rey is there with her." Shinn comments with a somewhat evil grin in his face. "No way is she coming back."

Meanwhile, Lunamaria is trying to open a large vault door in a wrecked dojo. Bodies are littered everywhere all in various stages of death and dismemberment. Lunamaria is trying to figure out a four digit password with little luck so far. "Kill" "Access denied" "Maim" "Access denied" "Eviscerate, wait that's more than four words. Damn that door! Its security is impenetrable!" Lunamaria yells as her eyes begin to glow red and her skin becomes an eerie bluish pale.

Keroro takes the camera and comments "Well now that we are done here. Let's get to business. Sergeant Major Kururu?" "For starters we have been stuck for several months around Congo tracking down Dororo. After the crash we were captured by Halliburton and placed on the operating table." Tamama nods in anger adding "They stole one of my kidneys and replaced it with an Oreo cookie."

Kira asks in shock "Why would they do that?" Giroro answers with "Logic doesn't apply with those people. They can't be reasoned. They can't be bought, They only want to see the world burn. Dororo was beat up really bad too. He got shipped off to another facility somewhere in this country." Kururu informs everyone as he stops the van that they have arrived. "Okay we finally got to the place where your friends are trapped in. And it looks like its on fire." Shinn yells out "WHAT?!" And busts out of the van with great speed thinking. "Never again, I finally saved Mayu after all that time. I won't let Stellar suffer the same fate as Mayu had. After I got sent to the facility Stellar was there to pick me up. She is an idiot sure, but she is my little sister as well!" And with an explosion from a distance a flashing light erupts and head for Shinn as he goes to fight several goons who are storming the blazing brothel as slaves are trying to escape only to be shot dead. The mooks find Shinn and prepare to fire much to the shock of both the Keroro platoon and the rest of Radiant ZAFT who rush to help only to have the light strike Shinn. Everyone blinded Athrun still muzzled and now tied up to a chair struggling to keep up asks. "What is going on?" Giroro in awe comments "I've heard of this, it is the light of GAR. A power derived from sheer hot blooded determination that kicks reason to the curb, and goes beyond the impossible." Tails doll comments "The light of GAR? I've seen this before. No, more like felt it, back when I was killed. Kira suddenly became competent, and then."

As for Shinn, he goes into a green and yellow tube like area of stock footage transformation sequence as a tablet like device with the Radiant ZAFT logo activates revealing blueprints for a power armor that says GNA-X3: Impulse. In the middle of a screen and a womans voice suddenly saying in a very hot blooded way. "GN Armed device activated! GNA-X3 Impulse, begin set up! " Shinn confused at the situation asks. "What is going on here?" The tablet says "This is a GN Armed device system prototype. Commissioned for your use by the Deers eye foundation and built under the supervision of Celestial Being. As for me." Suddenly a small girl with an appearance similar to Tieria Erde's, but with longer hair and facial characteristics similar to Lockon Stratos, an eye-patch on her left eye, and a maid get up with the Celestial being logo in her apron. As well as large round glasses reveals herself and curtsies politely. "I am called VICKY, Veda Interfacing Characteristic Keeping prototYpe. Nice to meet you master. "Hi to you too Vicky. Were you sent by Tieria or something?" "Yes, daddy sent me to assist you and your friends and serve as an intermediary between you and other groups in the GUAG." Shinn double takes in awe yelling out. "Tieria is your dad?" "Yes, daddy doesn't have a penis so he created me as an AI using Veda papa." Shinn remains stumped in a moment of shocked silence while the GNde begins to shine and summons an armor to Shinn. Revealing a somewhat Gundam like body armor in a bright green and white coloring. Major differences involve it being more streamlined as well, lacking both shoulder pads and skirt armor. Instead having white accents on its shoulders and legs. With a larger V-fin covering almost the entire top of the helmet similar in form to Casshern and lacking a camera, and its large horned V-fin's center crystal being larger and dark green. The rest of the helmet also was more form fitting and the mouth vents are no more. Holding a large buster cannon with what seems to be a large blade underneath it, and rocket like nozzles around the large extending barrel. "GN buster sword Ardonight activated!" And what seems to be a rounded backpack with GN particles sticking out from a bunch of large thrusters with two large wings, as well as several areas with a slightly glowing group of dark green crystals, the telltale sign of GN condensers. Shinn looks at himself in shock as VICKY provides exposition. "Welcome Mr. Shinn to the third model of the GN Armor device series, or GNA series." Shinn in shock comments "What is going on?! Why do I look like this?! And is that Bang Shishigami's theme song playing as background music?!" "Indeed Mr. Shinn, it is thanks to the light of GAR." "What kind of an asspull is this!" Shinn says in anger to VICKY unaware that his angry tantrum is being heard by everyone but she isn't. "You know what?! Fuck this!" And Shinn unloads his gun onto the goons whom are blasted back in a massive blast, igniting them before splattering their burnt remains into the floor and nearby walls.

Leaving Shinn rather gleeful at the sheer fiery annihilation he just performed. "Fricking sweet! So now what?"

Then as if on cue Stellar Loussier and Lalah Sune appear from an exploding pile of rubble. Lalah is somewhat roughed up, but Stelar is fine even when she seems to have been the one to blew open the rubble, freeing both. Lalah, amazed and nearly speechless looks at Stellar, holding her in the shoulders and asks. "How can you still be alive?" Stellar happily replies "Its easy Lalah onee-sama! Sting said that idiots like Stellar never catch colds. And since dying means you get cold, Well it means that Stellar can't die." Lalah stands in paralyzed dumbfounded bewilderment at what she just saw at the time as Stellar went off to our heroes. "Kira-kun! Athrun-kun! Tails doll-kun! Where is Shinn onii-chan?" Kira tells her "Behind you in that Tiger and Bunny cosplay." "Whooooa, you look stupid Shinn onii-chan! But you sure killed a lot of people! That is so cool! And who are these little guys?" Keroro responds by saluting and saying "I am Sergeant Keroro, de-arimasu. The young one here is Private second class Tamama. Say hello Tamama. "Hello." Stellar squeals in cuteness as she shakes Tamama's hand commenting "You are so cute!" To which Tamama blushes and laughs. "My grumpy red friend over here is Corporal Giroro." Stellar grabs Giroro's hand and shakes it much to his shock. "And the creepy yellow guy trying to sneak up on your friend with a hacksaw is Sergeant Major Kururu. As you can see he is the brains of our group." The group looks at Kururu who looks at them in worry "Oh, crap." Then Stellar goes to him to shake his hand revealing a terrifying expression and in utter calm rage warns. "Its nice to meet you Kururu, and if you try anything to defile Shinn I will rip off your limbs, cook them al dente, and feed them you slowly. Followed by shoveling down your piss and pureed shit that you let out in horror due to the fear of your torturous doom." Kururu just stares into Stellar's vicious eyes and fearfully says "Yes ma'am." Stellar then lets go and returns to her cheerfully ignorant self. "I'm glad to meet you all! Let's all get along!"

Anyways, as I was saying, de-arimasu. We are the Keroro platoon, part of the Keron army invasion force, de-arimasu! But for now, we are basically on standby because of some mess in the dimensional sea. We were told to go back to Keron but ever since the whole Afghanistan incident we haven't been able to get back together." Tamama added. Shinn de morphed at this time with the tablet disappearing and leaving a strange green plastic like card with a foil like upper side that seems to show green particles somehow. Also his Radiant ZAFT suit seems to have been retconned into a bright green and white look.

Also the design has changed somewhat becoming a cross between the ZAFT uniform and the Celestial being uniform mainly a change in his pants being white, black boots with noticeable gray heels and

black gloves. With his ZAFT like coat becoming shorter and less pronounced and green as well much like his Impulse armor and a black belt with a holder to place his card like object on its left side.

Shinn is visibly amazed at the sight and notices Kira, Athrun, Tails doll and Lalah had their costumes retconned as well. In their respective colors, Kira being sky blue and white, with a gray tabby kitty cap. Athrun being crimson and white, alongside a bandolier full of tools and devices as well as retractable shaded goggles. Alongside the pink and white Stellar, whom has a miniskirt instead, Lalah with a cream and white look as well as a looser fit. And finally the orange and white Tails doll, which has no pants. "What is going on here? And why are you wearing a cat on your head Kira?" Yells out Athrun in shock as the scene changes.

We now cut to an Aperture science logo being shown on the screen, revealing GlaDOS the snarktastic mistress of the Aperture science secondary computer enriched testing chambers. GlaDOS lowers a screen and explains. "As you can see the primary protagonists have obtain a major redesign in their uniforms and several visual changes of varying levels such as the cat hat for Kira, this is because the visual designs for the cast are being made and will be released in due time."

Our heroes and the Keroro platoon now back at the van begin to head to the mountain mines where intelligence claims that Dororo was sent to after the accident. "Good summary narrator, de-arimasu."

Thank you Sarge. "Anyway its like he said. Sergeant major Kururu, has the system hacking been completed yet?" KEEHEEHEEHEEHEE! Indeed Keroro, just one stroke of the keyboard and we shall find the location of that pesky hidden facility. I press, click." And then all through the mountain range, the jungle explodes with the sounds of British Euro pop.

_Now tell me what you want! What you really, really want! Now tell me what you want! What you really, really want! I wanna heh, I wanna heh, I wanna heh, Its what I really, really, really want!"_

Lalah in awestruck amazement laughs and blurts out "The Spice girls?! Is anyone going to get this reference?!" Kira asks "What is the deal with this horrible noise?!" Lalah somberly explains

"Psychological warfare. They used something like this way back when when the US overthrew the Pinochet regime." Keroro pats Kururu in the back commenting "Well Sergeant major, your capacity for evil never ceases to amaze me." "That's nothing Sarge, you should see what I did to the security system. KEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!" And on cue we find several guards running from the entrances screaming with their eyes on fire and melting. With the last guy dropping dead and melting as everyone entered inside. Keroro pointed forward towards the mine yelling out. "Okay, people! We need to find Lance Corporal Dororo, find transport, and get the hell out of here before this place gets blown up! Keroro platoon, move out!" And the members of the platoon, as well as Kira, Shinn and Stellar yell out in agreement and go forward. With Tails doll adding "I'm gonna make them feel the sunshine while somehow cracking his knuckles and drawing out a giant meat cleaver. Meanwhile Shinn checks up on Lalah asking "Are you alright Stellar?" "Of course Shinn onii-chan! Stellar always knew Shinn onii-chan would come save her. Just like in the facility when we were little." Stellar replied very happily to Shinn's utter fluster and embarrassment.

"By the way, what is that huge box you are carrying?" Shinn asks as she points to a long wooden crate that Stellar is effortlessly pulling behind her with a rope and some tiny wheels. Stellar looks at it and comments "Himitsu da!" And goes with everyone else, Shinn keeping track shortly behind.

Finally inside the mines underground hangar we find the ZAFT roader busted into a million pieces. "FUCK!" There, there Athrun, fight on. Besides, look at that. And thus the camera turns to a sizable spaceship capable of atmospheric flight with a large GN drive, red of course and somewhat shaped like the head of a Zaku with a Gundam V-fin/commanders antenna on top. "We are jacking this ship guys." Athrun comments as he is pretty much drooling over the discovery trying to find a way to open it. Keroro comments "Very well de-arimasu. Sergeant Major Kururu help Athrun get that ship working."

"Sure thing sarge!"

"So you're finally here, huh Keroro?" And then, another Keronian drops down from the shadows. Complete with the instrumental theme of Ikana castle. Light blue in coloring with a ninja star emblem. Its upper body is pale white with black internal parts poking out. Its mouth is covered a seemingly plastic mouth plate with vents in the center and gold eyes with an eerie gaze. Its legs are also mechanical and seem to fairly thick below the knees seemingly finding booster rockets, but still having a sleekness and slenderness is still evident. "You will not escape Keroro. You, your team and your friends will die here and now. Sure Ridley is coming to wreck this place, not before I kill you" The Keronian's arms each split in half revealing four fully functional arms two of which pull out two beam sabers from its legs and another two from his back. "This is so exciting, I feel all tingly inside." The Keronian then puts one of the beam sabers next to his mouth making a gesture like licking the blade, with an insane look in his eyes. And lunges straight into Keroro, stabbing him in the heart and lungs with its lower arms before anyone realizes it. And readying his upper arms to decapitate Keroro while giggling madly. Fortunately he is stopped by

Giroro and Tamama attacking with their beam rifle and mouth launched ki blast respectively. Making his leap away landing on a scaffold above while Tails doll heads off to give backup. Lalah quickly begins to treat Keroro as well, trying to stabilize him. Tamama yells out "Who are you?!" Shinn also arms up alongside Kira who revealed his Strike arms. A powersuit similar to Shinn only blue and white. Possessing rotating energy cannons on the sides of his waist and a winged jet pack device in his back with moving wings shooting off vapor and GN particles from vents in said wings. Its V-fins are shorter than Shinn devil horn like fins and in a design more like the classic fins only four in number. Readying a blue and white metallic katana with a green hued edge on the blade with the model numbers NP Type-0 Shiranui on it. Shinn yells out "Eat my Dandelion motherfucker!" As he fires from his buster cannon of said name a large blast of death which the Keronian dodges with ease. Kira and Tails doll begin firing as well only to miss just as badly. Kira tells Shinn and Tails doll "Let's use the Abomination cannon!" TD answer with "Gotcha! And becomes the teams power cannon. Which they can't lift due to it being too heavy after about a minute of struggling. Stellar then helps prop the cannon upwards but the Keronians are long gone by now.

Athrun and Kururu reach everyone else with Kururu telling all involved "Everything is ready guys." Athrun adds "We need to leave, it looks like some dragon thing is coming with a bunch of monsters."

"Ridley, this is bad. This place will be blown apart soon." Shinn changes back to normal and tells Athrun and Kururu. "We were attacked by another Keronian. A speedy blue one with a mask." Kururu gulps in worry and says "We have to leave." Shinn interdicts during Kururu's pause trying to dissuade everyone when Kururu counters with "Trust me, you guys are in no condition to fight him. That Keronian is someone you do NOT want to tangle with. Also Sarge is injured, his wounds are stable, but he needs medical attention. Giroro and Tamama can take care of themselves, they may not look like it but they are invaders." Lalah then called in saying "Everyone get inside! The attack..." Only to be interrupted by several large explosions that shook the base to the core. Shinn could only look on in worry as everyone left to the stolen ship.

As everyone else enters the spaceship, Lalah activates the engines and begins the takeoff procedure. Successfully blasting off into the middle of a bombing run now revealing a large capitol ship

releasing several purple dragon-like mechs similar to Veigan suits. Martian mechs from the world of Gundam AGE all with a streamlined wing like appearance except the head with its long head and back streaming horns, following Ridley whose purple dragon appearance with a slim, downright skeletal frame. His red eyes and a large toothy mouth drools flames. All of whom begin attacking ferociously. Thanks to some skillful moves by Lalah the attacks are dodged and our heroes escape. At that time the leader of the Desecration wing squadrons says "Don't let them escape men!" Only to be overridden by Ridley who says "Stay on target, I will deal with those interlopers. They are most likely the Frogs I talked about."

Ridley narrows his red eyes and wets its mouth with his tongue, roaring and firing plasma flames hitting the ship. Inside the ship Lalah yells out "We got hit dammit!" Athrun goes to the gunners seat and tells Kira and Shinn to get to battle stations Kira taking the communication seat and Shinn taking the auxiliary gunner seat while Stellar goes to a nearby seat fastening her seat belt as the ship rocks on. Athrun begins firing angrily yelling out "You wanna fuck with me?! You wanna fuck with me and my baby?! It is on now asshole!" And starts firing landing several good hits wobbling Ridley but still going when Shinn gives the purple dragon a taste of sidewinder missiles. Causing to back off a bit and ordering a second hidden capital ship to attack our heroes, firing its combined might unto their tiny ship. "Shit now what?" Yells out Shinn to which Kira comments "We need us some Z-ULU." And after some fiddling he finds the station playing tribal music alongside an electric guitar. "Oh yeah! Break it down!" Kururu and Tails doll then call the bridge with Kururu saying "Sarge is alright everyone. I must say your demon friend was truly helpful. I didn't need to remove his other glubok with a hacksaw like last time, KEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!" Lalah muses "At least we have that." And then she gets hit by cannon fire. To top it off, Ridley is back, looking for payback carrying a large missile pod which it launches straight at the ship causing Lalah to climb upwards with boosters on. But even then one continued on. "This is bad!" Lalah yells out and Kira cringes saying "We're all gonna die..." When a massive amount of lasers rain down from above destroying the missile and the entire Halliburton fleet. Kururu watching the whole thing comments "We got lucky, and... and... and... What is that huge pink monstrosity." Everyone else just stands in shock with Kira in particular freaking out quietly saying "Lacus Clyne..." Before clutching his head in pain and horror. Everyone worried Athrun takes over the helm as Lalah goes to help Kira. "Its no use, we gotta hide in the jungle for now." Athrun exclaims as they descend while Lacus army descends from above lead by the Evangelions and Halliburton's fleet scattering with Ridley angrily launching itself to the giant base not even singing as Ridley is mercilessly shot down by the castle's defenses.

We return to the diamond mines that the Keroro Platoon was fighting on. Corporal Giroro, and Private second class Tamama are chasing the mysterious Keronian only to find him escaping on a boat alongside several guards who shoot at the duo on sight as the mysterious one leaps into a cockpit and activates it revealing a large wave motion gun. Giroro is understandably terrified "Are you mad soldier?!

Firing that thing here would kill us all! Including your men!" "So what? You never cared when I was abandoned on Earth, Giroro." Geroro and Tamama are in shock as the Keronian's mask withdraws

revealing... another mask, this one a ninja mask. "Yes, it is I Zeroro!" Both Giroro and Tamama simply sigh to an annoyed Zeroro's shock. Tamama comments out loud "So its just Dororo huh? And for a moment I was worried." Zeroro enraged actives the cannon while the guards flee in horror and Giroro is trying to shut up Tamama who continues to put foot in mouth with his commentary. "I mean seriously, what are you up to now? Did you get lost looking for tofu on the market?" "Tamama" "I mean here we were all freaking out, and you were living the thug life." "Shut up Tamama."

"And what is with that gun anyway? Are you compensating for something now? "Tamama shut the fucking hell up and run." "Aren't ninjas supposed to be too good for guns and shit anyways?"

"Screw you I'm leaving." "And then... oh crap." Zeroro fires his gigantic gun at a terrified Tamama whom just realized how boned he was right now. Annihilating the tunnel and causing half the mountain to collapse, barely hitting our heroes who end up crash-landing, vaporizing Ridley, and going upwards to wipe out most of the EVA-troopers and damage Pink castle. Forcing both Halliburton and Lacus to flee the area in a panic.

Later that day at sunset Keroro has recovered and everyone of our heroes including him are searching the ruins of the mountains. Stellar yells out "Everyone! I found Giroro and Tamama!" Everyone else goes to the battered duo, Giroro banged up and bloody and Tamama uber charred and near dead. Keroro rushes to the two asking "Corporal Giroro! Private Tamama! What happened?" Giroro tries to stand up and is grabbed by Stellar and put on her head. "Thank you miss. Anyways, Keroro that cyborg, is Dororo." Keroro and Kururu are shocked at the revelation while Kira asks "Who's that?" Athrun bops him and tells him "He was one of the passengers from the Afghanistan flight. They disappeared before we recovered consciousness along with the other passengers. And left already." Keroro explains

"Indeed de-arimasu, after the crash we and the other passengers were kidnapped by terrorist fighters. Dororo was hit the worst since he took a nasty blow in my place and had his arms crushed de-arimasu.

The last I saw of the Corporal he was bleeding and twitching before I passed out. Since then we have been passed on as slaves and traffic." Giroro adds we escaped after several attempts.

But even then I got caught and until you guys came I couldn't do anything about it. It seems that Halliburton had some kind of anti teleport technology that kept us from summoning our weapons and equipment. Tamama's attack did nothing either actually." Tails doll then snarked "But you busted thru a wall with your bare hands." Geroro embarrassed coughs as he cooks up an excuse. "Well, I was, err..."

Suddenly a beeping noise came out of Keroro as he pulls out a small ball shaped object with several stars on it and an antenna. "Scuze me de-arimasu. The Kero ball is ringing. Yello, this is Sergeant Keroro speaking de-arimasu." The voice announces to the group that "Finally we managed to get a signal. What happened anyways?" "Well you see." "Never mind Sarge." comments a deep baritone voice cutting off both the communications officer and Keroro. "Your platoon is to return to the Earth of the World of Keroro Gunsou immediately." "What is the problem Lieutenant Garuru?" "It seems some odd things are occurring in their Japan." "Fuyuki-dono!" "Indeed, you need to go back immediately." "But bro, what about Dororo?" "What do you mean Giroro." "It seems Dororo was captured by the enemy

and turned into a cyborg by Halliburton. The same group that captured us all this time. From what I've been able to gather from the stuff that wasn't blown up. He was brainwashed and modified into a cyborg." Garuru growls buts tells the platoon "We will send someone else to deal with Dororo, for now return to Earth, that's an order." "Bro..." Kira then butts in and asks. "Well where was that fleet going anyway?" Kururu answer with "Japan of this world. A place called Hinamizawa base." Kira then to the shock of all exclaims "Then we will rescue Dororo!" Prompting a huge what from everyone and a strangling

by a livid Athrun. "Kira you moron." Kira tries to get a word in and says "Let... me... explain..." And Kira is dropped by Athrun who then pulls out a revolver and aims it Kira.

"Speak now or I'll blow your face off. "Well you see, Hinamizawa is home to Sonozaki cartel. The Yamato family has distant relations with them and I even spoke often with a girl named Shion who is the sister to the head of the family Mion." Lalah then amazed stops everyone and "You know Shion Sonozaki? As in the Shion Sonozaki from the Hinamizawa games club?" "Yes, actually. She lived in the dorms and Cagali was in the same building as her. I haven't seen her since her sisters wedding though. Why do you ask?" Lalah in an incredulous gaze sputters out. "The Hinamizawa games club was a famous group that solved the curse of Oyashiro-sama murders and uncover an illegal bio-terrorism plot from a rogue government faction over ten years ago. Its said that those seven managed to defeat the entirety of the Yamainu battallion the Union's elite Japanese black ops group so bad that after graduation they were swamped with job offers from several, PMC's, security firms, hell even the old Union intelligence agencies was said to have been interested in scouting the group. And you know them?!" Kira nods cheerfully to the silenced and astonished crowd around him. Garuru regains his composure muttering "Still you are civilians. I cannot ask civilians and locals to simply get involved in another planet's rescue operations." Kira counters with "We could always ask for the Gundam Meisters help if things go south. Or BOZO, or that fire demon thing Shinn has on him, or Nanoha. Fate and Hayate, I think they are some big-shot mages in the Time space Bureau." Giroro interrupts pale in shock at the revelations with "You are shitting me you know." Keroro responded "Well they did seem to know our informants personally and they escaped both Terminal forces and Halliburton forces who were fighting each other. Also Tails doll over there managed to heal me with magic, and they helped Kururu swipe that ship over there." Garuru muses "I guess its fine then. We will bring a transport there immediately so ready a beacon somewhere safe."

"De-arimasu!" "Very well Sarge., Lieutenant Garuru signing off."

As Keroro returns the Kero ball to his pocket he comments "We need to find a place to put a beacon." Then on the distance a convoy of cars starts honking their horns and stop next to our heroes.

Yzak and Dearka quickly climb out of the lead car with Yzak commenting "Finally found you guys." Athrun smiles and asks "Hey, Yzak you mind getting all of us and this ship back to your base?"

Yzak whistles impressively saying "You guys have been busy." And as the camera points to the sunset laden sky.

**To be continued**

At that time we head to a dark room where Yuma Chitose is lying asleep in a bed where a mysterious black ooze was leaving her unconscious body that soon turns into fog and vanishes into shadows.


	40. Road trip 14: The most important person

**ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip**

We begin our cold opening in the ruins of Celestia. An abandoned realm where the CPU's once resided. Now in disrepair and decay, they stand as the sole proof of the old Gamindustry console wars.

An age where the four nations were separated both physically and spiritually. Xelloss the trickster priest teleports fresh from his victory to see the fossilized corpse of a dragon-like beast. Hovering above it,

an eerie dark blue flame. "My, so this is where you ended up. Miss deity of sin." Xelloss comments and continues after several moments of eerie complete quiet. "Its rather sad how bad Magic screwed up the summoning even after all that time and effort. And now it seems the other CFW's are either dead again or switched sides. And to top it all off, that Croire pest's antics scattered your data into the other you. And the only reason she hasn't cracked is because she is too damn stubborn." After another moment of quiet Xelloss asks "No witty remarks... Miss Arfoire? Or should I call you Overlord Momus now?" Suddenly the dark eerie room bursts glowing red with flames. As if responding to Xelloss choices of words. To which he cracks a sinister smile.

**Hyperdimension Segata Sanshiro **

Meanwhile a pair of eyes with glasses hidden away inside the walls looks on in worry, muttering to herself. "This is bad... What should I do... (sigh)" When the walls are blasted off by Xelloss revealing a woman in a black and white business suit with cyan highlights. With white hair and a horn, head, accessory, thing. Seriously what the hell is that shit! "Crap, this is bad!" Then she summons a large cyan bladed scythe with several skulls emblazoned on it. "2600!" And started blocking multiple fireballs with it. Xelloss smiles and comments "Well, if it isn't Rei Ryghts! The failure from Tari." And with that comment Rei drops her guard and

gets smashed with multiple giant stone boulders. And then Xelloss points her staff at Rei ready to kill. "Well little girl, DIE!" Rei then comments "Wait, little girl?" And is then saved by several green bits creating an electric field. And then a red flash takes away Rei outside the building from a hole that exploded in the roof. A ninja girl in red puts Rei down outside in the border of Celestia. She tells Rei "Are you all right miss?" And continues before Rei could respond. "I'm glad I found you! A tipster said you came here for some reason, anyways you better head back. Things are going to piss and that Peashy girl is hurt." Xelloss then appears next to them cheerfully commenting. "Oh, the little girl? She really was amusing. Believing she could take me on. It was so easy to..." Suddenly a larger scythe strikes Xelloss only for him to dodge. "What did you say you insignificant little prick?!" Rei is then revealed to have lunged into Xelloss with a face that screams I'm going to murder you, revealing her HDD form,

or at least her face. "Guess what punk? Paybacks a bitch, and so am i!"

**Download 01: Rei and (Xelloss') revelations**

**Download 02 in progress...**

We find ourselves in a spatial void in between the worlds. There we find Madoka Kaname in her goddess from laying a crippling blow at a woman in black, binding her with magic circles. The woman whom reveals nothing more than black hair and a contorted expression of rage lashes out at Madoka, who is barely maintaining any reasonable composure. "I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! ALWAYS SACRIFICING YOURSELF! FOR WHAT?! CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MEANINGLESS IT ALL IS?!" Madoka can do nothing but take aim with her bow, while holding back her sorrow. "I'm sorry... I'm so, so, sorry... Goodbye, my best friend..." And thus she shoots, impaling the girl who is screaming in pain until she turns into nothing more than shards of light.

**Episode 14: The most important person to me.**

"Homura!" Suddenly Madoka in her normal form as a civilian wearing white clothes and a pink jacket visibly scared from her sleep hyperventilating and shocked. Looking around she is in a large cavernous area around a ruined Buddhist temple next to a campfire. After regaining her composure she looks up at the stars melancholically thinking "That memory again. If only I was a better goddess back then. Even now I'm worried. Everyone is remembering all the parallel worlds, Not just in our world but in this one and others as well. I killed her... No, I did worse, I erased my best friend." Madoka looks at a sleeping Homura holding on to the Gomadoka plushie. "Never again, I will become stronger, strong enough so that nobody can hurt the people I care about ever again!" Madoka comments as she clutches her fist. "Even if this Homura is just a copy. I won't let her become a demon again."

Kyubey then reveals himself commenting "My, my, still pining over that girl Ma-..." And is immediately shut up by Madoka by an energy bolt being zapped barely missing him and singing his head. Kyubey cringes back in worry and stutters an apology "F-f-forgive me master... I j-j-just came to inform you that Nagisa has gotten inside the Hinamizawa base." Madoka with a somber and angered look tells Kyubey. "Remember this Kyubey, there are no more chances after this." Kyubey nods in agreement with his typical emotionless face, but with a body language that screams bat shit scared. "Of course master!

We don't want that to happen again do we? Really, I still have nightmares about it..." And quickly leaves without delay. Madoka mutters "Yes, if you want your planet back you will do as I say..."

Meanwhile inside the temple we discover Lumanaria Hawke angrily smashing things with Red ring of death whom was revived with her looking on in worry and with a new speech pattern. "Miss Metsu please restrain yourself." Said the former Red ring whom is now an seven foot tall slender none white mannequin with the red ring serving as a face and glowing when speaking. Lunamaria angrily yells out "Quiet!

How can I get revenge on Shinn without more power?!" RROD points out "You do know that it was your attitude that repulsed Rey back in hell, right?" "I did not!" "Let me put it this way Miss, even Yuno Gasai would have been disgusted with what you did. If only Arbiter was here. Where did he go anyways?" "So you want revenge, do you not?" A mysterious voice comments while a black fog oozes out of the shadows. RROD is scared, falling on his ass and cowering. "Oh no! This is bad! Whoever that is she is playing with power!" The voice keeps talking with "All that suffering, all that destruction. You can cause it if you want.

You have the power within you." Lunamaria smiles and asks "How do I do it?" "Its simple, make a contract with me, and become my vessel on this world." RROD worriedly wonders "This sounds kinda familiar."

But then Lunamaria "Very well, if it means killing Shinn and his friends I accept your contract!" The fog begins to swirl around Lunamaria and into her, causing to convulse and bulk up DBZ style. Lunamaria's skin pale up and her hair grows exponentially as her body returns to normal proportions, bursting out eerie dark wings that distort the air around them.

And with a mighty roar Lunamaria Hawke is reborn, into a true monster. Cue the creepy electric guitar solo music for dramatic effect. At that time Lunamaria begins to speak in what seems to be two distorted voices as her gi falls apart revealing a blood red body suit with black diamond patterns all over. RROD could only blurt out "Holy shit, you turned into an anti-spiral!" "Indeed Red ring, we have become one being!

This power! this feeling! It has spilled all inside me! We will kill our enemies, and bring ruin and terror to the dimensional space! WE, ARE, ENTHROPY! And the goddess...WILL belong to me!"

To lighten the mood, we now head to the mysterious prison place where the other three members of the Mikitihara group are being locked up. With Mami Tomoe singing Jumon Kourin Magical force.

The ending credits to Magiranger to an empty hall. Mami is actually hallucinating that she is a cake themed stage with thousands of magical girls cheering in the audience. Continues singing and dancing merrily while internally monologing. "This is great!My body feels so light! I finally have friends, unlike some assholes that I won't mention. Fuck you, Sayaka. Kyoko was mine first you slut! I'll kill you, you blue bitch! I'm no longer the butt monkey. No longer the one who gets her head eaten all the time! Yes, I'm not afraid of anything anymore!"And then a massive amount of fireworks explode around Mami as she does a wicked finishing pose to the cheers of the masses. "Thank you! Thank you all! Next up is Savior of song!"

Back in reality we find Sayaka Miki and Kyoko Sakura, the latter having regained consciousness, but still somewhat wobbly and rather unnerved at Mami's seeming breakdown. Sayaka is especially not amused,

with a look in her face that is the stuff of nightmares. "Kyoko, after we get back to our world I am dragging Mami into therapy whether she likes it or not." Kyoko nods in agreement "Hey, Sayaka. You seen a lot more calm than before. Is it more of that memory stuff that you talked about?" "A bit is that, but something else happened." Then a very tiny creature begins to walk around the cages, pink, tiny, kinda looks like a hello kitty candy wrapper with a polka dot scarf and a trench coat. and now begins to speak to the duo. "Hola, usted tiene queso?" Sayaka points at the still delirious Mami and jokingly mentions. "You can have that huge head of cheddar over there." Kyoko angrily yells out "Hey, that's not funny!" Sayaka smiles and comments "Chill out Kyoko, its not like that little Mexican candy thing can eat Mami's head off!" Cue the midget transforming into a freakishly huge worm monster with a clown face and a look of horror from Sayaka who yells out "Oh fuck! Its Charlotte!" Kyoko looks on dumbfounded asking "Who the hell is Charlotte?!"

"Well remember how Mami died at the hands of a witch in the old time lines?" "Yeah, I remember you told me about it once, basically a giant worm witch chomped Mami's head off, right?" Then as Kyoko puts two and two together blurts out "Oh fuck me." And then Charlotte lunges, tears down Mami's cell, transforming into another Magical girl who bites Mami's head causing her to painfully snap back to normal.

After everything gets resolved we see the new magical girl introduce herself. Long white hair with pig tails, a hairband with cat ears, a reddish white trimmed coat and dark red suspenders. She also has yellow eyes

with a red edge. "I am Nagisa Momoe. I like cheesecake, I love cheesecake, give me some cheesecake." And holds our her hand with a staring gaze while Sayaka and Kyoko look on in stupor and Mami clearly hit by cuteness proximity. "You are so cute! I can bake some if you like. If this is a prison there has to be a mess hall, and where there is a mess hall there is food." Mami reasoned with Kyoko adding "Sweet!

Let's go get some food!" with a smile." Sayaka could only watch in shock as the trio cheerfully rallies around Mami's suggestion and moves forward. "I only wanted to heal a childhood love interests hand so he would fall for me. Instead I get speared by a gluttonous kleptomaniacal hobo, have my soul get thrown into a truck, find out I am a fucking lich, have my friend take the boy I love, turn into a witch, get killed numerous times,

have my mind combine with a zillion other dead Sayaka's after Madoka sends me to the after life, get tossed back into life even when I'm suppose to be dead, get sent to this world, have to cross a continent while being hounded by Mystery lesbians .inc, and now this. (sigh) Where did my life go so horribly wrong?"

And then Sayaka finds out she is alone in the poorly lit room and begins to freak out. "It sure is dark in here..." And begins to cringe nervously and cry. "I wanna go home! (sob) I can't take this anymore! Stupid Mami! Stupid transfer student! Stupid Cheese for brains! Stupid Kyubey! Stupid, stupid, stupid Kyoko! Its so dark, it smells like oil and grease, its like the train station, I hate trains so much." "So the mask finally

breaks huh?" Kyoko comments having returned and patting a crying Sayaka in the head commenting "I guess we are all tired, lets grab Mami and that Nagisa girl, and grab a ship back to our world. Akemi can more than take care of herself anyways. So we don't need to worry about her getting in trouble."

At that time around the temple perimeter Kyubey recalls the events that led him to his current situation in his facebook page using his white laptop computer. "Makeacontractwithme 42's log, entry #2880368,

mood: depressed... I stumbled into Madoka Kaname again, this is so annoying. My plan to destroy the Law of Cycles has exploded in my face really bad. Helping Madoka getting rid of Homura Akemi

and restore the law went even worse. I still have nightmares of it. To top it all off I was declared insane by the lords and thrown out like trash. I got caught by the TSAB with faking orders and got driven out,

Nanoha Takamachi, IS A FUCKING PSYCHOPATH. I still have burns on my ass, the inside mind you. Maybe I will just skip town, GlaDOS is always working on experiments and alias is doing something outside Aperture labs anyways. I hear they are auditioning for new species of Pokemon in Saffron city, I've gotten pretty good at pokespeak too. Oh yeah... Kyubey the Pokemon, starts out at level 101 and has the base stats of a hundred Arceus, heh heh, sweet."

"My, I see you can't live without me can't you?" A familiar voice rings out to Kyubey's dread "Homura Akuma?!" And then the figure of Possessed Lunamaria shows itself relieving Kyubey. "Oh its just Shinn's crazy ass ex. For a second I thought that horrible demon came back from hell as well." "Really incubator, did you really think I would die so easily." The possessed Lunamaria smugly remarked with a pants shitting face. "This is gonna suck..." Kyubey sighed as a black shadowy hand burst from the ground and squeezes Kyubey up to the Possessed Lunamaria's eye level. "I want you to lead Madoka to the inside of this temple and make sure you don't wake up that other me." "But if Madoka finds out I will suffer her wrath!" warns Kyubey to which Lunamaria replied. "Is that fear I see in your eyes. I'm surprised, I thought your kind could not

feel emotions." "Well, mind rape does that, and the destruction of a world. She did not take killing her best friend very well. If anything the Homura with Madoka is a fake without her later memories or traumas.

That is why she is more whimsical in a sense. If I were to guess she used one of the originals fragments as the base and made her in a desire to start over." After hearing that the hand vanishes and drops Kyubey on the ground whom swiftly tries to leave as Lunamaria fumes muttering "Well if you'll excuse me I'll be skipping town now, adios, goodbye, sayonara..." only to be stopped by a Hadoken. "Now Incubator, you can risk facing Madoka's wrath later. Or you can feel mine now, your choice."

Meanwhile back at the spacious laboratory our four missing persons have assembled and are reaching the kitchen area, we think since right now they are... "What is this place?" asks Mami as she sees a room full of nonsensical piping and clockwork with odd tron lines all around. Nagisa droops sadly muttering "cheesecake..." with Mami scurrying to cheer her up. "Don't worry Bebe, we will find the mess hall and get some cheesecake. As God as my witness, I Mami Tomoe will get everyone the promised cheesecake, even if it kills me!" And Nagisa then giddily glomps Mami's arm yelling "I love you big sister!" Mami instantly lights up as Ode to Joy plays in the background. "Nagisa..." "We'll be together forever wont we?" "Yes, we will!" Mami and Nagisa converse as they look at each other tearfully and hold hands. Meanwhile Sayaka and Kyoko look on in disturbed horror with Sayaka being especially worried. "We're all screwed Kyoko. We are all royally screwed in the ass." About as concerned as Sayaka tends to be anyways. "Seriously, first we had

Flatty Chikane with us, and now we have Sakaki and Chiyo 2.0! Now that I think about it, what does that makes us two?" Kyoko responds while eating a bag of Cheetos "Hibiki and Kanade

from Suite Precure? I guess that makes those two Siren and Ako..." Sayaka adds "And Akemi is Hummy I suppose." The two end up laughing for a bit with Kyoko adding "If she was here

she would shoot you in the ass." "Indeed she would, you little trespassers." A voice yells out behind the Puella Magi whom are startled at the blond woman whose silent appearance reveals a loaded gun which she shoots Sayaka in the head with. "SAYAKAAAA!" Kyoko yells out as she readies her spear with Mami mumbling in the background "Glad it wasn't me." And promptly gets shot in the head three times by the shooter a blond woman in a black nazi-esque outfit with a snazzy beret. "MAMMMMIIII!" Now yells out Nagisa as she turns into Charlotte and stares down the creepy lady when Sayaka gets up yelling "Sheeesh!

What the hell was that all about?!" Shockingly not very worse for wear aside from some blood stains on the face and hair. The woman shocked blurted out "That was supposed to kill you." Sayaka rubs her forehead in annoyance commenting "After all the other times I've died this is nothing."

Meanwhile in the after life we find Mami watching the whole exchange thru a mini TV, while in a large line of the dead waiting to be processed yelling out "THIS IS BULLSHIT!" With Zero a red reploid with a ponytail and beam saber pats Mami in the back saying "I know how you feel kid..." Son Goku also appears behind Zero saying "Well at least you have enough points on your frequent diers card right?" Then Mami begins crying and Zero pats her head with Goku saying "There, there, just let it all out. You're among friends here." "Thanks you two." Mami replied while sobbing.

Back at the battle the creepy blonde woman boastfully brags "Foolish foooooolllsss! You did well to get so far. But now you face... RULE 34!" And after a moment of awkward silence Sayaka and Nagisa who lost focus and changed back to magical girl form explode with laughter with Kyoko clueless over the situation. "Rule 34?! That is your name?!" Sayaka mockingly comments while holding back tears. 34 angrily replies. "So? My name is Miyo Takano as in three and four and I'm involved in Halliburton's evil science division. So Rule 34!" Nagisa falls over and says "And now she is explaining herself!" Kyoko asks the others

"Why is her name so funny?" Sayaka explains "Because basically her name is the rule that says that the internet is for porn." Kyoko then asks "What is porn Sayaka?" Sayaka somewhat surprised comments

"Its pictures of naked people, usually having sex. Don't tell me you've never seen porn before?" Kyoko just looks at Sayaka innocently for several seconds and then says "Do you eat porn?" As the trio begin to bicker Mio gets angry at being ignored and begins to transform while screaming. "Don't ignore you daughters of bitches!" Only to be speared dead by Kyoko multiple times in every vital organ then slashed apart with the chain whip function before tossing her upper body to the sky and impaling her with a summoned spear from the ground. Quietly commenting "NOBODY talks shit about my family you condescending

anal retentive harlot." To an utterly shocked Sayaka and Nagisa whom fearfully reply in unison "Yes, ma'am!" while saluting in earnest.

And back at the Tibetian like mountain range Madoka and Kyubey leave towards the temple to the sight of a half asleep Homura who soon dozes off once again smiling and drooling while holding her Gomadoka doll "So many Madokas... I can die happy now... Kyubey is back... And he is leaving with Madoka... To screw her over... Madoka you're so cute in those leather straps..." And then her brain puts two and two together waking up and yelling "WHAT, THE, HELL!?" And runs toward the path taken by Madoka at great speed for a fair distance until crashing into another girl and spiraling out of control until landing on a bush.

Then a small girl grabs her and helps her up. Rather small with very long pigtails and a rather emotionless set of red eyes, and a lot of pink clothing behind a brown mantle. "You know, you should be careful when you are running," "Shirabe! Why are you helping her?" A taller blond girl with short boyish hair and wearing green and a similar mantle to Shirabe. "Because Kirie can take a few blows to the head and come out fine." Kiriha pouts angrily and notices Homura "Whoa, this girl kinda looks like you Shirabe!" "What do you mean Kirie?" Shirabe asks quizzically "Well you look just like sisters when you think about it, same long hair, same grouchy face and same aura of cool indifference to others anyways I am Kiriha Akatsuki and my friend here is Shirabe Tsukuyomi." Shirabe adds in a hello before Kiriha picks up again."Well we are here looking for the mysterious temple over the horizon because when we were traveling alongside Maria we got separated by a strange and creepy old dude who was carrying a bag full of some weird thingy and we tried to fight him off but had our butts kicked and then he tossed us into a gate of blackness how rude wouldn't you agree after all..." "Kirie, that girl left for the temple with the warp gate." "Crap, let's go Shirabe!"

Shirabe nods as the duo rushes to the temple.

Madoka meanwhile is wandering inside the temple walls until she enters a rather large and dark room. When she gets to the middle of it shown by a spotlight, the doors behind her close up and the lights suddenly are turned on revealing a gigantic stalker shrine to Madoka, complete with naked pictures, blow up dolls in her image, sex props, booze, a very large bed, and a Spanish donkey. Madoka is understandably unnerved and shocked. "Hello Madoka..." A voice similar to Homura but more mature chimes out. Madoka terrified comments "Homura is that you? No, she is still asleep, so..." And suddenly like a jolt Madoka realizes what is happening and cringes in fear while holding herself, looking like a deer in the headlights and collapsing on her knees. "My little slave did a good job for once." The voice steps out of the remaining shadows revealing a taller, older, more developed Homura with a purple tattered ribbon in her hair and a dominatrix outfit. She then grabs Madoka's head, stroking her face and with an eerie calm "Madoka, I'm disappointed in you.

I told you didn't I? About how foolish your love is?" "Homura..." Madoka mutters fearfully with tears in her eyes whom are licked by Homura with a disturbing smile. "You know, I can never forgive you for killing me. But then again, if you agree to become my eternal slave. I'll be willing to overlook your blasphemous actions toward god, AKA myself. Now prostrate yourself to me!" Suddenly the doors explode revealing, well,

good Homura. "Just call me Homura Akuma okay." What about Homucifer? "Not on your me-damn life author boy!" Homura angrily wields her bow and yells to Akuma. "Get your hands of my Madoka,

you dirty bitch! And why the fuck do you look like..." Suddenly Homura is paralyzed as memories flash before her.

Suddenly Homura is in a witches labyrinth with a giant black silhouette with a witch hat covered is spider lilies fighting Madoka. As well as Sayaka, Mami, Kyoko, and Nagisa fighting off an army of familiars. As if in a flash Homura is now in a vast empty void discovering herself in a bed holding Madoka and stripping her of her powers. "Homura, what are you doing?" "Isn't it obvious Madoka, if I can't have you then I will change everything. This world can just waste away." Then the scenery shifts to a hallway in her school where a terrified Madoka is being given a pair of ribbons while commenting "Don't change Madoka, or else we will be enemies." Another shift later we find Homura shooting Madoka in the head with a gun in view of everyone in public as she awakened her powers yelling. "Damn you! Damn you! Why?! Why?! Why do you keep sacrificing yourself?! I've had enough! Say goodbye to this universe Madoka!" All the while familiars were killing and eating everyone in the city as an explosion of light rushes out revealing Goddess Madoka who blows away Homura saying. "I can never forgive you for what you did Homura, no Ms. Akemi. I will erase you from this world devil!" With Homura being spiritually destroyed at her words transforming into a demonic costume. Showing a tear filled smile that demonstrated how she has been broken. And then after seeing the scene at the beginning we find Madoka alone in a barren earth surrounded by death and ruins untransformed with an empty look in her eyes. Kyubey then appears to congratulate Madoka. "Good job Madoka Kaname, you have freed us from Homura Akemi and all of these grief seeds will tide us over for a while.

Well its time for me to leave, after all we Incubators are leaving Earth. Humans really are troublesome when you think about it. Their emotions are simply to irregular to predict. Oh well there are plenty of species we can use. So no use crying about it." Suddenly a cage of light traps Kyubey as dust begins to swirl and the clouds darken. Madoka transforms into Goddess form while mumbling "Its all your fault" Over and over while Kyubey asks "What is? Really blaming me once again for your mistakes. What would you do anyways kill me? I will always come back." "No, death is too good for a bastard like you incubator." Madoka says in a robotic monotone. "You know, when I became a goddess I was happy, but over time as I saw the worlds move on. As I saw my friends and family grow up and live their lives, I became jealous. I hated this,

being alone in a crowd. But when I saw Homura carrying on, even smiling, those feelings vanished. But now its over, the only person who really knew me is gone forever. You wanted me to give in to despair?

Well you succeeded..." And then the sky parts to reveal another faraway planet and as she points out to it a large black energy ball gathers. "Madoka Kaname what are you doing with my home world?"

"Its simple Kyubey, I'm going to crush everything and everyone important to you, just like you did to me. Only when your race's legacy is in ashes, you have my permission to die."

After that we find Madoka destroying multiple worlds harvested by the incubators destroying all in her path even attracting the ire of the pantheon and brotherhood of authors. Until one day in the ruins of yet another world. "It hurts... What is the point of all this? What have I become? I sense something." Madoka searches around the debris of the world to find a purple crystal shard glowing in the distance. As she picks it up, she realizes its a piece of Homura. "I can sense something. She, still exists." Madoka comments with tears in her eyes as she uses her powers to restore at least a copy of her departed friend. After some time she finishes and exhausted she collapses, but not before erasing Homura's memories and sending her to her original world. "I'm so sorry, I am a monster. All I can do is give you a fresh start. When you wake up you won't remember knowing me. Its okay to sleep, right? Maybe, when I wake up. This would all have been a bad dream. This is for the best after all. If I wasn't selfish back then. I ruined your life Homura, and I deserve whatever punishment comes my way. Goodbye... Forever..."

Finally Homura returns from her vision to a smug evil Homura, and Madoka who is in physical pain, clutching her head and on her knees and crying while quietly muttering "I'm sorry..." in a madness mantra way. Homulilly then goes to lick Madoka's tears and smile smugly while Homura watches, because she seems to REALLY get off from psycho lesbian tropes. Seriously sweet mother of Jesus this is some

Kazakunni no Miko seventh episode fucked up shit. And now she is forcefully making out with Madoka, and the other Homura is nose bleeding. Fuck this shit let's fast forward past all this crap.

After about twenty minutes of lewd acts we have evil Homura stomping the broken Madoka underfoot with Homura bound in a Shitari knot. "I'm sure you realize it by now, that you are little more than a copy of me. Created as little more than a replacement after she betrayed me." Homura steps off Madoka's head and begins stomping her for emphasis in her words. And, after, I, made, such, a, beautiful, world, for, us!" And after that evil Homura stomps her a few more times until Madoka pukes blood from the mouth, writhing in pain and agony. "This girl is nothing but filth! You are nothing more than her idealized fantasy. A mere sexbot at best. How disgusting, and what, no reaction? I guess that is understandable." Homura just stays there bound, and in complete calm she shoots down her evil original's words "So what? Even if I was born a copy of you.

I still am my own person. I love Madoka, just like you did at one time. And if I were in your shoes, I would likely do the same. But in my journey in the other world I met so many people who helped me. I finally understood their hopes and dreams. And I finally understood why Madoka made her wish.

Suddenly an explosion of light flows thru the temple halls, and the song Pray by Nana Mizuki begins to play. Revealing Homura, now with a pair of black angelic wings behind her and her costume with a different look, more armored and similar in design to a Valkyrie's with chest and shoulder plating atop a black long coat. With a new sleeker, more angular shield, connected to a new bow whose shaft looks more blade and feather like and no soul gem anywhere to be seen. "I am Homura Akemi! And I will continue Madoka's work no matter what! Even if I have to kill the devil itself!" evil Homura then gets swatted away by Kiriha in her symphogear armor Igalim, a green gear that looks like a cross between the Dark Magician girl and the Gundam Deathschyte, using her schyte's stick half while Shirabe picks ups Madoka and runs or rolls since she uses the Shun Shagala symphogear which is a pink gear which would be surprisingly slim, if not for the fact that she has gigantic metal pigtails that are both rabbit like and capable of holding a large number of buzzsaws. I'm dead serious here. Kiriha scratches her nose and proudly boasts "You know what we are Shirabe? BIG, DAMN, HEROES." Strange, I feel, whole... But I'm not human anymore, am I? And what are this wings? I had before as a power, but now they feel like a part of me." Kyubey looked on amazed explaining. "I would have never imagined it. Much like you Homura Akuma, this Homura has gone beyond hope and despair. This girl is no longer a fake, or a replacement, she has become a real mage." "HOW!? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE INCUBATOR?!" "There are humans who can naturally use magical power, whether thru training or some awakening. In fact the wish used to create the contract is a trigger for that magic. But since it is forced so rapidly by the creation of a soul gem so it is imperfect. That is why soul gems taint in the first place, because the removed soul cannot naturally purify such energy. Well, goodbye Homura Akemi you were a pain in my ass and I hope Satan has his way with you in hell." "YOU FURRY CUNT! GET BACK HERE!" "Fuck you Homura Akuma, I quit this job. Same goes for the pink bitch over there. Find yourselves another punching bag." And thus Kyubey leaves in a flying saucer that says Kanto region or bust! On the back side.

Shirabe helps Madoka get on her feet and comments "Its time to kick ass Kirie." Homura holds her arm to stop them saying "No, this is my battle." As she goes to face evil Homura.

The bow connected to the shield extends its shaft which Homura grabs, causing both ends to ignite in a purple flame. Leaving Madoka, Kiriha and Shirabe in utter awe and Homulilly seething in rage and jealousy. Letting out a guttural scream of frustration. "HOW DARE YOU PULL A FATE TESTAROSSA ON ME YOU DAMN WANNABE! YOU THINK YOU'RE SUCH HOT SHIT! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, THEN I WILL BURN YOUR CORPSE, THEN I'M GONNA KILL MADOKA AND SEXUALLY VIOLATE THE REMAINS! I AM THE REAL HOMURA AKEMI! NOT YOU! NOT YOU! NOT YOOOOOOUUUUUU!" And lunges to Homura who dodges swiftly and counters with a punch to the gut that causes Akuma to puke out Lunamaria's lunch and launches it quite a distance before rocketing off and trashing the bed. Akuma gets up and summons countless energy arrows only to be shot by Homura with one of her arrows and then she continues shooting at her one arrow at a time disabling her systematically saying "You hurt my friend, you spat on her dreams, you abused her, you broke her, you made her cry, our best friend, the one person who would do anything for us, even after we betrayed her." Shooting at her at the end of every phrase, until getting in her face and yelling "Apologize to her, RIGHT NOW!" Before slapping her in the face in an epic manner knocking her aside. As Akuma gets up she growls "How would you understand?" At Homura as her bow grows as tall as her, and readies a massive arrow simply stating. "Because I'm the heart you threw away with your obsession. I will make you face the future! SAGITTA! NOCTIS!"

And fires a big fucking energy bolt that nukes Akuma and causes an explosion that annihilates most of the abandoned temple.

After falling on her knees in exhaustion Akuma angrily glares at her other half as Lunamaria is separated from her and collapses. Madoka then comes to her aided by Kiriha and Shirabe. An passes her hand over Akuma's cheek saying "Its not too late to start over." She cheerfully says as Akuma looks at her in amazement asking "Aren't you mad at me?" Madoka nods no and comments as she helps Akuma stand up

"Friends also fight each other you know. The important part is to apologize at the end." Akuma begins to return to her original form as the dark energy is expelled. "Thank you, I'm sorry..." Akuma tearfully remarks as her soul gem crumbles into dust. And then she is suddenly speared in the chest from behind by a black blade leaving Akuma dying on Madoka's arms as she looks on paralyzed in shock as Akuma's blood is spilled all over her. The blade comes from a tendril formed from the dark aura manifesting itself into a pure jet black sickly looking silhouette in the outline of Akuma with red spider lilies around her head and a general semi liquid appearance. "Can't let you do that Homucchi!" As the silhouette reveals a red slasher smile and solid gold eyes whom smugly proclaims "Bitches and playas! I am Homulilly, a pleasure I am sure. And Madoka,

I want you, inside of me..." After a moment of very awkward silence a massive hand erupts from Homullily's stomach straight at Madoka who is too stunned over the situation to react. Akuma pushes her away to safety as the black ooze turns into a mouth that eats a gently smiling Akuma and begins to chew on her noisily. While blood and bits of muscle and bone flake out from the human like teeth and retracts to Homullily as she then spits out Akuma's broken shield in front of Madoka. Homulilly then laughs maniacally "Oh yeah, screwing yourself is always good for a laugh. Now little Maddy, be a good girl and let me suck you dry. We'll be together forever, and ever, and ever. As we destroy the whole damn universe! Because I love you Madoka, so very much. So much, that I have to kill you." And launches her tentacles all over, tangling Homura and trying to eat Madoka when Homulilly is stopped by Shirabe launches a large number of saws which slow her enough for Kiriha to slice her with Igalim's scythe, leaving Homulilly injured and weak with Kiriha boasting "Igalim is a scythe that can cut through the soul its over you lost." Homulilly manages to recover enough to retreat scowling "I will return, I am a demon, I will rule over all..." After that Homura changes back to her civilian outfit, but now her black wings are a permanent fixture on her back. With her clothes now accommodating that fact. As Kiriha goes to congratulate her, she is pushed aside by a teary Madoka who glomps her while trembling. "I'm so sorry Homura! I kept this from you... and... Homura?" Shirabe tells Madoka :I think your friend is in her own little world now." And then Madoka looks up to see a nose-bleeding and

blushing Homura, drooling with a dopey grin. As Shirable face palms Kiriha gets up and tells everyone "I think we should leave this place before it caves." And as everyone except Homura nod in agreement leave, with her being carried away like a lawn chair by Shirabe.

Some time later everyone has returned to a cargo spaceship belonging to Kiriha and Shirabe. With everyone exhausted Kiriha comments "Now what do we do?" Homura asks "Kiriha, Shirabe, can I ask you to look after Madoka for a while? To which Madoka grabs Homura's closest arm and wraps herself around it while looking at the floor quietly muttering over and over "Don't leave... please don't leave..." Kiriha comments "We'll just have to tag along then." Shirabe comments "But where do we go from here? We barely know our way around this world." At that time a voice not heard in a while hacks into the ships communications.

Its basically GlaDOS after at least a year in real time. "Hello you have reached the Aperture Science computerized information processing and delivery department." Everyone heads to the cockpit as GlaDOS continues "The others you are looking for are in Japan, mainly in the swamps outside Hinamizawa. I am downloading the coordinates." Shirabe comments "Looks like it worked, but why?" GlaDOS answered with "Who knows? The author requested it for some reason. To be honest if its not science, I don't give a damn. Anyways, goodbye." Shirabe nods quizzically to Kiriha saying "What now Kirie?"

"That's a stupid question Shirabe full speed ahead go!" Homura asks "Are you sure that Shirabe can handle this?" To which she determinedly responds "Its time to ride the trapar." Shirabe grabs the control and launches the duo's ship which is a simple freighter large that is fairly used in appearance. And although functional is banged up with a large part of the paint in the left wing torn off. And goes off into the future.

At that time in the distance a black blob is struggling to move when she is stopped by a certain evil, cat eared, blue haired loli. "My, how pathetic of you Homura, or should is say Homulilly?

All that boasting and then you fail to perform." "Be quiet, Berkanstel!" And as Homulilly finished mouthing off she gets electrocuted. "How rude, you were barely sentient when I stumbled into you in the middle

of the void. And now I found this nice fragments for you." And as she reveals the two black crystal shards. She drops them commenting. "One of them is from the one that was inserted so half-assedly into that cute little Yuma girl. And one taken from Castlevania after killing that pesky vampire and crippling his minions." And then Homulilly begins to pulse and grow. Until she reforms into a humanoid shape that is at first a black shadow. Until revealing herself as Homulilly in her Akuma form, but in a navy blue cat suit with black armor plating and her hair growing much longer, obtaining fangs and navy blue claw like facial markings. And her shield transforming into a revolver with a navy blue color and a skeletal motif. "So Homulilly, how do you feel? Or perhaps, a better name would be, Puella killer?" "This is amazing Bernkastel! This is unreal!"

"Indeed, now you no longer need grief seeds or cubes, and are able to use the powers of those who touched the shards you eat. That includes Yuma's, Dracula's, and Lunamaria's powers." "I don't think so you two." A male voice calls out as a teleportation effect reveals the author aliastheabnormal in full battle gear and unsheathing his beam sword. Bernkastel smiles and comments "My I am amazed you of all people are here. I thought the council of authors didn't give a fuck about the matters of the dimensional space." "They don't." alias replied and continued with. "But they say that a former author turned prisoner escaped some time ago. They finally manged to restore the data and discover that a little girl in Gothic attire and cat ears, carrying a large bloodied scythe helped him escape." Bernkastel looks at alias and calmly and smugly comments

"I see..." While she starts to summon something in her hand as the screen turns black. "And what will you do about it?"

**To be continued...**


	41. Road trip 15: Intrigue, betrayal, and

**ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip**

We continue with the fight between Rei and Xelloss in which Xelloss is revealed to be an illusion made by magic. Which also revealed a black and gray recolor or Neptune as Purple Heart. Only that this clone doesn't have the power signals the other CPU forms have but dull expressionless eyes. Which clearly unnerved Rei making her lose focus giving the black Neptune a chance to thoroughly beat the HDD out of Rei. Xelloss reappears behind the copy saying "Meet PH/32-X. A clone of the CPU of Planeptune based off that goddess of Planeptune. Xelloss gleefully quips only to switch to an Seriously, that Momus is obsessed with her." Rei collapses to her hands and knees with her scythe on the floor and her black rimmed glasses falling off. Losing visibility she passes out on the ground.

**Hyperdimension Segata Sanshiro **

Now we are in an area of absolute darkness with only a spotlight shining on an unconscious Rei where she wakes up to a mocking laugh from out of nowhere. Mainly her own, only with an insane mocking tone and feel to it. "Well. That turned out well, didn't it?" Rei closes her eyes and shivers fearfully asking "How did you?" "Survive? That's simple, I AM, you after all." Rei looks shocked as she sees her hands covered in blood.

"I never left after that day you know. Its just that because that because of that CPU, you finally grew a spine and confronted me." Rei turns from fear to confusion as the blood vanishes from her hands and says

"But isn't that a good thing?" At that time HDD Rei shows behind normal Rei, this one with an insane and bloodthirsty grin, truly showing the madness Rei once represented. She mockingly comments "I will soon come for you, my little pet. And please wake up, since that creepy guy is doing something big.

Rei then wakes up to see Xelloss greeting her cheerfully "So you woke up haven't you little lady?" He continues now opening his eyes with a slasher smile to boot "32-X, kill her."

**Download 02: Coming of (change) age**

**Download 03 in progress...**

**Chapter 15: Intrigue, betrayal and prolonged exposition**

We find ourselves in a small sushi bar in Nishinomiya where we find in a secluded corner a person wearing a red jacket and black hat drinking a large mug of beer. Looking disdained and in utter despair.

Asuka Langley Soryu a once proud EVA pilot is now left alone in a crowd, now wearing an eye patch over her left eye after an experiment performed on her. As she recalls the events that led to her running away.

"I can't take it anymore Ribbons! This is too much! This... isn't what I signed up for!" Ribbons crosses his arms and tells Asuka as he walks towards her inside his lab. Steampunk in nature as always, with a constant

one woman wail in the background. "You know Miss Asuka you shouldn't run away, I mean when you think about it, where then fuck would you go? You're in a big blue ball." Asuka lowers her head and clenches her fist in depression. Ribbons continues making his point with "You will never truly be free anyways. You were modified in order to pilot an EVA without needing a soul inside it and to be able to use the beast form."

And now that the flashback is over Asuka is seen drowning in a pool of her drunken puke and tears and passes out. Then a group of men in black surround her alongside a woman in a white dress whose face is

not shown. One of the men, a particularly tall and intimidating silverback gorilla anim tells the woman in a rather flamboyant manner, even when he is physically immobile "Okay, Captain Kirishima! We got the little cutie secured." The woman, WILLE Captain Mana Kirishima takes off her hat. A black pit hat with two protrusions on the side similar to cat ears at compete odds with her white dress. "I see, Camp Gay. Anyways lets get her to the police station." The Men in black pick her up and leave while Mana leaves a cash card with the name WILLE emblazoned on it. "I still feel uncomfortable not having Trident here with me. Even if it has no chance against Mobile suits and Gundams. If only we had Unit 1 we could use Miss Yui."

And in Japan, more precisely the Nishinomiya prefecture we find a small group walking thru the midtown sidewalks. Allelujah Haptism is holding a map alongside Marie Parfacy with Setsuna F. Seiei looking around, trying to hide his embarrassment. Marie asks Setsuna "Are you sure this is where that exorcist guy is Setsuna?" "Of course! Do you suggest we are lost. Even when my Japanese name was an alias that Sumeragi probably came up with while on a bender." Marie snarks back with "Okay that is complete bull crap right there." Alellujah then intervenes saying to Marie "Actually Setsuna's right, how in the hell does anyone come up with Lockon Stratos as a name except when drunk or high?" Marie adds "Or if you are making an anime..." During a very quick switch over to the Soma Pieres persona. "Still its nice to be out in public after the New York thing. And Setsuna was right about Japan. People really don't pay attention to the weirdos. I mean Setsuna is all silver and stuff from that mission in Jupiter and nobody really is freaked out. And I finally get to use this poncho again." Then the two find out that Setsuna left them only for him to tell them to come and help him with something.

"Dear god! This girl reeks of booze!" Marie yells out as she sees the drunken remains of Cagali Yula Aatha, passed out from too much alcohol and still with a beer bottle in hand. Setsuna comments "Isn't this the girl from Beverly Hills?" Alellulah worried grabs his communicator and calls the Ptolemaious getting Desu-yellow, AKA Milena Vashty is on the line. "I see, well I'm looking up her home address right now and let's see.

Whoa no freaking way." Milena comments in amazement as everyone else looks in concern. "Is there a problem?" Marie comments to which Milena replies "You'll find out soon enough." The three meisters continue to look at Milena in doubt as she continues with "Apparently her residence is called the Yamato residence. As in KIRA Yamato." Alellujah replies with "That kid that was raped back in Beverly Hills?" Setsuna comments

Well we can't just leave her to die of exposure." "If she hasn't died of alcohol poisoning yet... Anyways; here is the address." Milena adds in a snarky manner as she transmits the info.

Meanwhile at Pink Castle now located conveniently in a mountain around a thunderstorm blaring the Dr. Weird theme song. The rest of the EVA pilots are gathered in a round table eating snacks with Shinji doing the Gendo pose and commenting "Gentlemen, we got to Japan at long last and we have some time to kill before reaching Hinamizawa. So, any IDEAS?!" Rei Sei the chibified and sadistically Rei clone suggests "Let's go kill some people!" Cinq another clone but with very short bob-cut hair pats Sei and replies with "You shouldn't do that Sei." Quatro another Rei clone with silver hair adds "Well there is this." and hand Cinq a flier she found whom begins to read it. "The Haruhi Suzumiya tour. A field trip thru the major locales involving The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya series." Sei begins to smile and fidget saying to everyone "Let's go! Let's go! We don't have anything better to do right?" Rei quietly murmurs "Weird, I haven't seen Kaworu or Mari today. Rei-Q's find the two!" As the two Q's leave we go to our next scene.

Kaworu in one of the many hideaways inside Pink castle. The problem of jacking a castle from Dr. Wily, plenty of places to hide. He is utilizing a private room and laptop terminal to inform someone of current events. An act he has done for some time since joining Lacus. "It seems that my previous suspicions have been acknowledged Miss Sandalphon. The remains of Unit 1, primarily the core that held Yui Ikari's soul has been destroyed." "Mr. Tabris, why do you call me Sandalphon? I'm not even a true angel anyways." "Because that is how spying works. Still its rather impressive how Ribbons improved NERV's technology so much. Truly terrifying quite honestly. Separating my psyche from Shinji and placing me in a perfect replica, if not improved. Modifying the Reiquarium dolls into minions. Even giving Rei three lieutenants to assist her with the quantum brainwave network. And even using LCL to form monsters en masse." Kaworu concerned pauses for a moment to muse and then goes to the next conversation topic. "Anyways the new girl has been pretty useful, she really helps with throwing off the heat. Of course I hear that a lot of people are talking about either leaving Lacus, or betraying her. I'm guessing that the point of the Rei's is to replace the personnel around the castle. She has been dealing with the executions for now." "So Shinji cannot be turned?" Sandalphon worriedly fumed in concern to which Kaworu replies while rubbing his forehead. "Sorry, I doubt it. He is pretty loyal to Lacus. I'm just thankful she didn't put any restraining bolt on me. Still right now I should stay on the down low around him after all he has Ayanami on his camp and by default the Q's." Right then a beeping sound begins to be heard from Kaworu's pocket. "Sorry, but it seems that I am being summoned." And shuts down communications, closing his laptop and leaving while thanking the metools that kept guard around him.

At that time Asuka wakes up in a military bases interrogation room somewhat hungover. She is met by both Camp Gay and Soldier A, whom introduce themselves. Camp Gay starts with a surprisingly stern and commanding voice if somewhat flamboyant in tone. Reinforcing the fact that although canonically gay, is someone who could snap you in half. And Soldier A a runty and faceless mook of sorts wearing a WILLE navy blue body armor with a light blue bandanna on its upper arm. Asuka in a bout of depression barely complained "Now I've been captured, huh? Fine, fuck this shit! I don't care anymore." "I'm afraid I can't let you do that

miss Soryu." At that time Mana Kirishima shows herself wearing her WILLE uniform. A white and baggy closed off jacket and pants, Alongside a typical blue arm bandanna. Asuka looks in surprise at her old rival. Visibly taller and fairly more stacked. After 10+ years since leaving Tokyo 3 in their old home world. Asuka immediately breaks down in tears in the fact that a familiar face has revealed itself after all this time lunging at her to give her a hug. Much to everyone's amazement, considering her reputation as a bitchy tsundere. Mana hugs back and looks at Asuka's face, noticing the eye patch and an eye lacking its previous light and spirit. Giving off a feeling of a broken person that has lost her will to live. Mana unable to hide her concern asks to Asuka. "Jesus, Asuka what the hell happened to you?"

Asuka goes on to reveal what happened after Gendo Ikari died ten years ago. How NERV's assets were bought off by Halliburton and that after Dick Cheney's "disappearance." The company fell apart with its remnants falling in the hands of multiple villain groups like Dai-Shocker and Lacus organization, Clyne faction, among others. And how she basically became Rei's bitch after Lacus hired Shinji and company. And how Shinji feels indebted to Lacus and has become a monster for her sake. All involved were in awe as the truth about someone who was once a model citizen has become so puppy kickingly evil.

"Daaaamn!" Soldier A blurted out when Asuka finished explaining things amazed at her situation. Mana reassured Asuka saying that "There is no need to worry Asuka, we will rescue your friends and stop Lacus for good. We have people infiltrating the palace so there is nothing to dread. Considering your testimony and evidence corroborated by them, it is quite likely that you will be granted amnesty since you were basically forced into Lacus service. Still, I can't believe the great Asuka Langley Soryu has given up!" Asuka gets angry and quietly complains "After all that has happened to me. How could you judge me?" Mana retorts back with

"Weren't you in love with him? If you can't communicate your feelings properly. Then just beat some sense into him!" Asuka then gets up and replies with some more spirit. "Beat some sense into him?" Mana then goes into heroic speech mode complete with heroic fanfare and looks from Camp and A. "Yes Asuka! You must make Shinji see reason. If you really care for him, if you really are in love with him. Then fight!

Fight to protect those that you love! If you cannot do that, then you do not deserve that boys love!" And after a final heroic crescendo and many back explosions. Mana smiles proudly, thinking to herself "I'm so cool!" When Soldier A brings his boss back to reality saying "Boss, the suspect fled." Mana immediately turns pale white ass A continues. "Agent Camp went after him. But the man wasn't built for speed."

Mana looks at A with an epic oh crap face complete with tears and white eyes of shock. "And weren't you gonna give her that tacky hat with the beacons? Boss? Boss? Captain Kirishima?" "SON OF A BITCH!"

Mana yells out at the top of her lungs as we head to the next scene.

We now go to a montage of Asuka making her way back to pink castle complete with guitar rock accompaniment out of an old school beat em up. And Asuka singing to herself lyrics while Camp is desperately trying to catch up. "I'm the best, around! No ones ever gonna keep me down!" She sings as she beats up random thugs and choke-slams a transvestite minion afterwards in a marine dock area.

While Camp is beating up fleeing thugs behind. Gets grabbed by a huge ogre with a tiger stripe thong who tries to fondle Camp. Only to get thrown into a dumpster. Then in the next scene, she enters a tower with rather

ninja features where the music switches to an 8-bit chiptune style. She is attacked by numerous white colored ninjas who rush her with swords drawn. Asuka swiftly dodges the blades, closing the distance and pummeling the ninjas, grabbing the sword of the second to last one, breaking his wrist and stabbing him and the last ninja dead in a single swift stroke. Eventually reaching the top floor where she finds a woman tied to a chair.

After looking around Asuka leaves ignoring the woman forcing Camp to stop her chase to rescue her.

Meanwhile Mana and Soldier A are in a taxi taking a call from Camp "So basically I had to let her go to help the little lady over here, I really am sorry Captain..." Mana sighs, but quickly bounces back telling Camp "Stuff happens I suppose. Anyway for now contact the authorities and make sure the civilian remains safe. We are heading to the place Mayumi mentioned, we will intercept Miss Soryu there." Camp salutes replying with "Yes ma'am!" and hangs up his cell phone. Soldier A complains to Mana "You know captain, maybe you should hold back on the Kamina speeches from now on." Mana pouts in annoyance complaining "Even after all that work coming up with speeches? Mou!" "Captain, I'm surprised that is what you are worried about. By the way captain, how do you know that Asuka girl?" Mana immediately sobers up and begins too look at the floor with a sad expression as she explains her past.

"As you remember, our world was almost destroyed by the angels around ten years ago. The angels were immune to all conventional weapons, and had many surreal powers. Back then the worlds weren't linked like they are now. So humanity couldn't escape or call for help like it does now. In order to survive we had to fight. And our weapons were, the Evangelions. Cyborg copies of Adam, the so called first angel, a living terraforming device. Capable of inducing evolution based on the first ancestral race. The original civilization, now long forgotten by history. An organization called GERHIM was secretly designing something called the

Human instrumentality project, an attempt at ensuring the eternal survival of humanity. The project was pioneered by Yui Ikari. Shinji's mother, Gendo Ikari's husband, and a high ranking member of SELEE."

Soldier A could only gasp in revelation. He has heard some of the stories of Yui Ikari but still... "Yui performed something called a contact experiment, and attempt to control the Eva's since all of the prototypes went berserk or simply fell apart. Yui ended up dying though her soul being bound into Evangelion unit 1. The infamous purple berserker that killed Lillith and derailed Instrumentality. In the end thought Shinji vanished, and Unit 1 became inert. In the end due to the whole scenario NERV was disbanded, and Gendo Ikari was found dead... At least what remained of him... Kozo Fuyustuki the second in command was arrested, Ritsuko Akagi is MIA even to this day. And aside from Major General Misato Katsuragi our commander, and those three guys who are on the Wunder's bridge all the time. Are either dead or tanged."

Soldier A squirmed and complained "Do you REALLY have to use that foreigner term? Don't forget, a large part of humanity is still in the LCL sea even after all this and all the aid from other worlds to fix the environment." "Indeed Soldier. They eventually moved the LCL to a remote and out of the way area. The town of Poughkeepsie, New York. Anyways..." Mana is suddenly interrupted when the taxi driver, a large bipedal green frog with an Indian accent and a large unlit cigar says to the duo. "We are here, that will be 575 Dimensional dollars." Mana takes out her wallet and gives the money in cash. Which the toad grabs as the duo exits and the cab leaves into the distance. Soldier A surveys the nearby area and pointing Mana towards the hidden Pink castle. "So that is Pink castle? It really is as pink as they say. And the Haro, its architecture is clearly from the first retcon period."

"And who the fuck are you?!" Yelled a small girl while Mana droned on with "Who the fuck am I? Wait, what?" She then discovers first an explosion in the distance to which a drone air fighter flies off from while several others begin to surround it. And then Mana looks on she sees three Rei's, mainly Rei Quatre, Cinq, and Six. Carrying souvenirs from the tour they took earlier. Soldier A readies his gun screaming "Captain Kirishima! We need to retreat!" While Mana is... "Oh, my, gods. So, cute, must, take, home with me!" And flash steps to glomp Rei Sei, lifting her up from the ground while squeeing like a schoolgirl. Sei is trying to get away while Mana holds on with the might of a bear while everyone just looks on in shock. "Quatre! Cinq! I would appreciate if you two stopped looking on like slack jawed idiots and give me some support!" Cinq calmly points out "Well let's see,you are a cute moeblob, you are a capable teammate, and let's face it, you and Quatre are the only ones I can rely on in this team." Sei even angrier yells out "I meant punch her you introspective imbecile! Still, thanks, I feel a lot better now." Mana glomps Six even more commenting with huge eyes and a tinge of drool. "so cute!" while Six yells out "MOTHERFUCKER!" "Let's go Soldier! We are taking this girl with us!" A annoyed replies with "You do know that this is kidnapping. And that we are surrounded by clones of these three with assault rifles and battle armor as well as a good number of killbots." Mana looks on as a massive number of guns are pointed at her. And after a moment of pause resumes glomping Sei yelling "I regret nothing of our love! Even if we die, we will always be together!" Six in shock begins to blush and nervously twiddle her thumbs. "What in the hell are you talking about?! I mean, we just met! And you should only do these things with someone you love! I mean, you are pretty cute, but can't we start out as friends first!" As all involved look on at a girls love manga excerpt gone horribly wrong Quatre asks "When are we gonna fight Cinq?" Only to see Cinq looking on in awe and with a nosebleed. "You too Cinq?!" Quatre yells out in shock as Cinq muses.

"The wonder of youth, two nubile young maidens at the springtime of their lives. And their fated meeting under the stars. How romantic!" Quattro can only throw her hands up in frustration and mutter "I just hope nobody sneaks inside the castle while we are all here."

At that exact same time, Asuka has snuck aboard Pink castle. Taking advantage of the chaos around her. Thinking to herself "I have to confront everyone. I'm done with this shit!" And Asuka with cat like agility swings around the cargo docks, dodging Sniper Joes, Metools, and other robots stolen from Wily alongside the former Skull castle he once used to plan world conquest. "Still, why am I even back?" And then. From inside her head, the voice of Ribons Almark rings in. "Because you have a thing for that Shinji boy, that's why." Asuka was in shock while Ribbons explained "If you are wondering, its because of the little device I planted inside you. It seems you are evolving as an Innovator." Asuka stops running and goes into a corner while using telepathy. "So the thing inside me is?" "It was meant to be a control device and power enhancer, but I managed to screw it up a little." "But why?" "Because Asuka, I've been keeping an eye on things. I know about your inner conflict, and how you have no one to turn to." "But what about Kirishima?" "There are already spies from WILLE inside your team. Especially that Kaworu boy, he even snuck in another spy to help out. He has a crush on Shinji you know, and he is helping WILLE so he and Shinji can be spared." Asuka's eyes widen upon hearing those words. Only to worsen with the following ones. Rei Ayanami is also entertaining thoughts of betrayal as well. She WAS the one who betrayed Gendo for Shinji after all, and started the third impact in his name.

Sure, you and a few others returned from the LCL sea. But how many billions have yet to do so, even if it was stopped halfway. They lobotomized Rei to put her under control and you isolated yourself in self loathing and fear of falling in love with someone again. After all first Kaji, then the boy." "Stop it... Stop it... What... WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?!" Asuka yells out in horror and frustration as her screams alert the guards to her presence. Surrounding her quickly and efficiently two Rei Q's show up from nearby to investigate. The duo speak in unison "Asuka Langley Soryu, where have you been? The mistress has been looking for you." "Why... Why does this shit always happen to me?" Asuka then lowers her head, and while trembling tears off her red A10 nerve clips. Tossed them into the ground, and stomped them several times until they are reduced to useless garbage. Finally raising her head while tearing off her eye patch, revealing glowing golden eyes. Like those of an Innovator or Innovade with a face contorted with an erupting rage simmering for over a decade.

And in a single flash step Asuka gets behind one of the Q's grabs her neck and snaps it killing her instantly and throwing her right fist so hard into the other Q's stomach that she buries her fist into her stomach causing the Q to vomit all over herself as well as shitting and peeing herself causing her to collapse. "Shinji Ikariiiii!" Show yourself idiot!" Asuka yells out as countless mechaniloids try to stop her only to be torn apart as Asuka suddenly summons a cannon as long as she is tall and proceeds to nuke the entire hangar. Ribbons could only look on in glee commenting "Very soon, Miss Lacus. I will be in charge!" And at that time Mari is looking from the distance in great worry. "Princess... This is bad, between this and outside. And where in the hell is Angel boy anyways?" She complains as she tries to contact him.

We cut to Kaworu in a local cosplay bar singing the Hare Hare Yukai song, and even doing the dance while dressed up as Haruhi Suzumiya in her sailor fuku. He is very good at it by the way and is even getting applause. While his cell phone is ringing away utterly ignored.

"I'm boned as all hell ain't I?" Mari blurts out as cat ears pop out of nowhere and begin to twitch. "It seems my cat girl senses are tingling, something big is afoot." And thus Mari turns invisible with magic and follows Asuka from above with none the wiser. After a bit more rampaging Asuka is stopped by Rei herself who was waiting for her. Asuka angrily demands "Where is Shinji you damn doll?" Rei coldly replies with a tinge of annoyance "You do not need to know that. I'm here to put you in your place as ordered." Asuka smugly snarks back with "Still following orders huh doll?" Rei clutches her fist for an instant as anger quickly flashes by followed with an even colder speech. "I don't care about Lacus. I only follow her because of Shinji. A spoiled brat like you wouldn't understand what I went thru at NERV. All my life I was nothing more than a replacement to Gendo, and everyone treated me as a piece of equipment. That time when I destroyed unit 0, I was supposed to have died. In fact, I already died twice before. That is why the other clones call me Trois, and in a sense, Quatre, Cinq and Six are also me. Offshoots created by Ribbons based on the research obtained from NERV." Asuka begins to lose her nerve at hearing these things. She was familiar with Rei being an artificial human but was unaware of her previous deaths. "Quatre represents my hatred of the world that made me. And of Gendo Ikari, who saw me as little more than a puppet. Cinq is the ghost of my second life. The happy past people like you robbed me off. And Six is my child self, who was murdered by Ritsuko Akagi in a fit of jealousy." Mari meanwhile looks and hears from above in amazement, with recording equipment on full burst. "I don't know if I should

report this or post it on my facebook page."

Anyway back at the rant, which Asuka promptly stops by hitting Rei with a spin kick to the side of the skull. "How do you like that honor student?! Where is your philosophical ranting bullshit now!" "You are lucky Asuka. You believe in something. That would normally make you stronger, but..." Rei after saying that punches Asuka's groin causing her to fall down and cover it in pain. And then Shinji appears next to Rei telling Asuka

"This you brought upon yourself. When I was in the WTF space for 10 years, I had a lot of time to think. About how foolish I was for believing that my father could ever love me. Or that you could be anything more than a broken, petty bitch. I'm done with being the doormat Asuka, now I will be in charge. First the EVA team, then the Clyne faction, and soon the rest of the dimensional space, and all the worlds in it." Asuka in shock and rage yells out "You're mad idiot Shinji! And what about you honor student? Are you going to let Shinji do that?!" Rei merely answered with a sad but painfully blunt "Yes, because, I have nothing else to live for anymore. Everyone else is gone anyways..." Asuka desperately yells out "You're wrong! Kirishima is..." Only to be shut up by Shinji via the unloading of a fifteen clip revolver of fairly large caliber to every vital point in Asuka's body. And Shinji coldly commenting "Mechaniloids, get rid of this stiff!" And as on cue several mechaniloids begin to pick up the corpse and head off to dispose of it. Mari meanwhile is witnessing the whole thing atop the rafters. Scowling in anger she thought to herself "So those are your true colors Shinji Ikari? The man who murdered big brother Jerid." And then Mari darts off, not knowing she is being seen by Ribbons Almark.

We shift narrative gears for a second, since now after a very long time we take a look at Innovades Revive Revival and Hiling Care as they are still trapped inside a pair of lockers inside the Ptolemaious II kai. "You gotta be joking! We have been stuck year for years of real time! Did everyone just forget us?" Yelled out Revive in frustration and tears while Hiling sighs in annoyance yelling to the guy "Could you PLEASE shut the hell up? You've been pissing and bitching for so long its not even funny. Isn't that right crazy demons?" "Tnecconi eth fo doolb eth dnamed ew!" "I love you too crazy demons!" Hiling cheerfully tells the voices in her head. Revive suddenly asks "Why are you using Hiling now instead of Healing by the way?" Apparently Hiling is the official English spelling of her name not Healing. "There's an official spelling?!" "Yeppers mate" "What about me?"

Well its still Revive Revival. "And what about Bring?" Bring Stabity... "Well, crap." (snickers) Dumbest, Gundam, name, EVER.

As for Mana, Soldier A and the Rei triplets. Mana and Rei Quatre are in a literal tug of war over Rei Sei as Rei Cinq is gushing due to the hilariously misinterpreted lines being spouted while Soldier A is fighting off

Rei clones while trying to get the taxi driver whom miraculously survived minus a few singes. Mana pulls at Rei's arms yelling at Quattro "Give it up you boob monster! Little Sei is MINE MINE MINE!" Quatre bites back with "Up yours you hag! My sister is off limits dammit!" while pulling back from the legs to which Mana yells "So? Can't you be my little sister as well?" To which Quatre blushes uncontrollably and stutters.

"Are you nuts?! Tell this hag this whole thing is stupid Sei!" Sei meanwhile is fantasizing while saying "Onee-sama?" while drooling with Quatre in shock and Cinq staring intently with a gushing nosebleed. Sei asks

"Can Cinq come as well?" Mana joyfully answers with "Sure! It would bed a regular Tenchi solution!" To which Cinq nosebleed goes critical and collapses with a giddy smile and the blood still flying. When suddenly

Rei Ayanami (the third one obviously) telepathically calls back all the Rei clones "All Rei Q's fallback!" At that time Quatre drops Sei and tells Rei "Oy Trois, what do I do about these guys?" Quatre looks on to discover that Mana, Soldier.A, and Sei vanished while leaving the taxi driver behind. Quatre could only look on in silent shock when Rei told her. "Pick up your younger sister and get back in the base. We all have a psychic link so we can get her back at any time. Quatre frowns somewhat and blushes. "Big sister huh? Sister Trois only sees us as parts of her. I wonder, what its like to have a family?" After that she looks at Cinq, who is still in a

girls love genre induced coma with embarrassment telling her "Get up already Cinq." And nudged her a couple of times with her feet.

At that time Mana and Soldier A are both running to Camp's location at the bottom of the mountain where he waits in a black van carrying Rei Six. A is understandably pissed at this development while Mana is willfully ignoring his complains. "Dammit captain do you have any clue on how much trouble we are in?! You need to give the girl back!" "NEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR!" Mana yells in defensive response

Six suddenly intervenes by saying "I have a name you, its Rei Six. And I wouldn't worry me and all of my sisters are linked telepathically so they know where I am at all times." Soldier A stops to deliver a flat "Say what?"

Some time later, in a second secret lab made by Ribbons, we find him working on reviving Asuka in an operating table in the middle of a dark room assisted by LCL troops. The orange liquid like humanoids are working on giving her a blood transfusion while her body seems to be turning into a metallic armor deep crimson in hue to the tune of the Star wars imperial march. A few hours later Asuka's body has been covered by a crimson red armor with black in her lower legs and arms. Considerable heels on her feet and possessing angled EVA vertical shoulder pads and her face being a cross between her EVA unit and Asuka's face only more mature and her eyes covered by a visor and her twintails being mechanized as well. Ribbons looked at Asuka, seemingly transformed into a machine and said "Miss Asuka." To which she retorted "Yes, master." "Rise!" And with that the chair she was in in lifted vertically and she begins to walk with somewhat of a stagger. Asuka looks at herself when her helmet opens up with a hiss revealing her human face now lacking the eyepatch in her left eye.

Asuka asks Ribbons "What happened to me, Ribbons?" "It seems that the control device has transformed you into some ELS like Innovator." "An Innovator?" "Yes, an artificial evolution of humanity much like myself utilizing a race of metallic aliens to invoke the change. I have to say, I did not imagine anything like this would happen." "Where is Shinji?" "I'm afraid that you were killed by Mister Shinji. He abandoned you, and the mechaniloids tried to toss your corpse out the hangar gate. If my LCL troops didn't pick up your remains you would have died." "So I'm dead am I? I guess this is karma Ribbons." "Indeed, but now you have a chance to defeat the one who corrupted Shinji. I need your help Miss Asuka, if you help me depose Miss Lacus I can restore the original mindset of your friends." Asuka looks away putting her hand on the upright operating table. "What about my EVA?" "It was destroyed. Still, this is a blessing in a sense. Now that you are dead, you can escape Miss Lacus. You are free Miss Asuka." "What about everyone else?" "I doubt they will be fine.

After all Mister Shinji and Miss Rei are criminals who want to overthrow Miss Lacus. The new girl Miss Mari is a spy for WILLE alongside Mister Kaworu. But she wants to kill Mister Shinji, and Mister Kaworu will most likely betray the rest to save Mister Shinji. So Miss Asuka, what will you do with your new life?" Ribbons casually asks with a slight grin. "You know that I can't trust you right? Ribbons Almark." "Of course, after all a superior existence like myself doesn't need to humor his inferiors. Of course with your new power, the synthesis armor Torwarta, it would go both ways." Asuka closed her eyes and her armor disappeared revealing a crimson dress with black shoes and angular black hair clips. After looking at herself for a short time, she looks at Ribbons and tells him. "So you want me to make a deal with the devil?" Ribbons answers bluntly with a "Fair enough Miss Asuka. And your answer is?" Asuka smiles with a cold expression and out stretches her hand to Ribbons who clasps it with a sinister and smug grin.

**To be continued...**


	42. Road trip 16: Return to Zero

**Radiant ZAFT: Road trip**

In Dr. Weird's lab, on the South Jersey Shore. We find Geno, a wooden puppet with a blue cap and cape going to Dr. Weird, the eternally obese mad scientist with a fishbowl covering his head.

"Gentlemen, BEHOLD! We are making a special announcement!" Geno quizzically asks "What is it Dr. Weird?" "Hyperdimension Segata Sanshiro will become part of the main series starting now, and will be replaced by a new cold opening series, Atop the fourth line starting next chapter." BWAHAHAHA!" Geno worriedly mutters "And this affects us how?" "Well Wooden Steve." "Its Geno dammit!"

"Wooden Steve, it means we get screentime again!" "Whoa, that's pretty neat!" "Hell yeah Wooden Steve!" "So what know Dr. Weird? Do you have something in mind or something?" This question leaves

Dr. Weird stunned silent for some time before simply stating "no..."

**Chapter 16: Return to Zero**

We begin our tale as a young blond girl in simple clothes and a backpack is running at great speed thru a thick forest towards a large tower. "The thought elevator... I'm almost there." And is being chased by numerous drones. Six feet tall when bipedal, but now in a quadruped insect like form. Pale white with red highlights including a cross in the forehead, they swarm all over the place. "Damn, Alexander drones! This is what happens when the UFN sells arms to any little tinpot nation." After tripping a bit, barely staying balanced by grabbing a tree. The blond quickly hides behind it as the Alexanders are suddenly distracted by flying mechs known as Knightmare frames begin assaulting them.

Much smaller than even the lightweight MS of the second universal century. Knightmares were once worker frames, turned weapons by the Britannian Empire. Using them as the spearhead of a massive expansion campaign called Pax Britannia the Knightmares ravaged the lands. And annihilated all who stood in their way. In reality this invasions were a distraction from the real goal of Charles Vi Britannia, the former emperor. His true goal being capturing the thought elevators all over the world of Code Geass, especially the one in the outskirts of Mount Fuji Japan. In the end the Emperor was erased by the world of C's will and only a handful of people know about the truth. This girl, Alice is one of the few and now she seeks to use its teleportation abilities to find someone.

"This is bad, Even if those Vincent's can drive off the Alexander's there are still robot troops swarming the place. Still this is insane, I wake up in the middle of the Shinjuku ghetto which is suddenly all nice and well maintained all alone. Nobody I know is in this world, and what is this crap about Emperor Lelouch? I hope Milly is alright after all her help at least." Alice monologues internally as energy shots whiz by as a group of human sized Alexander's with singular red eyes and beam rifles. "Crap, this is bad! Okay let's think. There are seven AX grunts combing the area in a circular pattern. As they are right now they have no blind spot and one hit from their rifles will be enough to end my life. I only have a revolver with seven disruptor bullets left. Even with this dense foliage their sensors are heat based so... What was that slashing?" "Show yourself girl." Demanded the voice of the man who defeated the AX force. A white fox like cyborg wearing considerable samurai aesthetics with a very long sword and a long silver mane. "You! Show yourself! For I am the white void.

I am the cold steel. I am the just sword. With blade in hand shall I reap the sins of this world, and cleanse it in the fires of destruction! I am Hakumen! The end has come!" Hakumen chuckles softly and then realizes that Alice left while he was boasting. After a swift wind howls thru the area, Hakumen reacts with a quiet "balls."

Alice finally reaches the tower and begins to activate the towers warp system. A large and barren room in considerable decay with many screens and a small console at the center. "Okay, link up to the witch's code in the other world. And go!" And after hitting a button a flash of light begins to cover the area and nearby two figures sneak into the light as Alice disappears into the sky.

Sometime later, in the world of Gundam 00, also known as the world of Radiant ZAFT, also known as the place where most of the plot is taking place for the time being. After the whole New York situation,

Nunally Lamperouge, the long disappeared Britannian princess is spending her time back home in the back garden of her and Lelouch's house tending to a carrot and tomato field. After putting her watering can down

in a table while grabbing a glass of juice. "This feels nice. The sun is shining, the birds are singing. Brother is dealing with the stock exchange, Suzaku is doing his teaching job at the local dojo. And things are back to normal at long last. We never did get to visit Sister, but it really doesn't matter." Nunally's cheerful expression quickly sours as she sadly looks up commenting. "I hate this... I wish, I could have a friend that I wouldn't have to hide my feelings from. Someone I could confide in, like brother can with Suzaku or C.C." She then looks down slapping herself on the cheeks twice trying to get her act together. "Don't be silly Nunners... Its not like I'm gonna have a destined meeting or some crap like this was some harem comedy." Suddenly Nunnally gets bonked in the head by another person's head and both fall unconscious on the ground.

Sometime later back inside Nunnally's house. She has recovered consciousness and is watching the girl revealed to be Alice who landed some distance atop Nunnally. Lelouch and Suzaku are there as well having a laugh at the whole situation. Nunnally is far from amused obviously. "Brother! Suzaku! I can't believe this!" Lelouch stops giggling long enough to comment "But still Nunnally the whole landing on you thing sounds like something out a harem comedy. Next thing you know you are going to get glomped by that girl and she will say that you are childhood friends or something." Nunnally turns around in annoyance only to find herself getting glomped by Alice and having her face buried by her breasts much to the shock of Suzaku and irk of Lelouch. "Princess Nunnally! I finally found you!" Alice gleefully yells out with tears in her eyes. All three members of the household simultaneously blurt out a flat what at the development. Suzaku reacts first with Nunnally do you know this girl? With Nunnally barely being able to blurt out words due to Alice's hug. "How the hell should I know? And could you please let go? You have a grip worthy of a bear. I'm freaking dying over here." Alice then lets go and sits down on the bed to regain her composure while Nunnally tries to catch her breath. "Christ! Oxygen! Sweet delicious oxygen!" Alice then looks at Lelouch and Suzaku commenting "Prince Lelouch, Knight Suzaku, what are you doing here as well?" Lelouch asks "Young miss, who are you and how do you know our identities? Are you Brittannian or something?" Alice then stands up upright salutes in the Brittannian style and introduces herself. "My name is Alice Lamperouge, Personal knight of the fourth princess of the Holy Brittanian empire Nunnaly vi Brittania and head of her security detail of the Brittannian embassy of the United states of Japan." Suzaku snarks out "You are a formal one, and what is with the Lamperouge anyways?" "Oh, you see Nunnally gave me this name during the knighting. You see, I originally was an orphan from one of Brittannia's conquered areas and was drafted into a group called the Irregulars. Child soldiers under the command of Madd." Suzaku in shock comments "Madd? As in Colonel Madd?" Lelouch, leaning at the nearby wall with his arms crossed looks at Suzaku asking "Do you know him Suzaku?" "Yeah, he was a "friend" of Lloyd.

And I use the term loosely here since he was an unpleasant asshole of the tenth degree. He was also involved on some attempt to allow Geass users to use their powers on Knightframes but his research was canned when Charles took control of the throne and started invading crap left and right." "Well, I guess we should give C.C a call then, she was in charge of the Geass directorate so she obviously knows something.

A short while later C.C shows up with magic broom in hand and oddly wearing a black witches hat and robe on top of her casual clothes. "So, this is the girl called Alice? Looks like Nunnally and her are getting along well. Lelouch lets off a smile commenting "Indeed, she hasn't been this happy in a long time. They remind me of myself and Suzaku as kids." C.C enters the room where Nunnally and Alice are talking over some snacks and looks at Alice closely." Alice then says "You are C.C, the witch of Brittannia." and in annoyance responds to her with a sardonic "Goddammit not this again." "The witch of Brittannia? That's a new one to me."

"It was a nickname from the 100 years war Lelouch. You can tank that damn owl man Giles de something or other and Joan of Arc for that little gem. That little bitch, always so sweet and innocent." C.C rambles in increased irritation. "Acting all pious and goody good didn't save you from the stake huh?" And breaks out into an evil laugh until being dope slapped by Lelouch. "Focus dammit!" C.C. Calms down and takes a good look at Alice muttering quietly "Let's see... physically altered... classic type B Tsundere... Flatter than Nunnally..." Obviously after that comment C.C gets hit in the head hard by Alice and gets her hair pulled by Nunnally who gives her a terrifying glare. With C.C desperately trying to asspull her way out of an ass beating. "Anyways, she seems to be from another world besides this and ours. Considering her knowledge of us and Madd.

As well as my knowledge of the space time continuum which I got from the show Sliders. I would deduce that this girl is from an alternate continuity from the one we know." Alice adds "Indeed, I see this worlds

white witch is quite knowledgeable. "Is this a grudge for craps sake?" C.C comments in annoyance with Alice answering "Then why do you cosplay as a green haired Evangeline McDowell?" Suzaku muses

"They have anime and manga in her Brittannia? Motherfucker!" Alice curiously murmurs "Knight Suzaku, what is animeandmanga?" "THANK YOU GOD!" "So animeandmanga is thank you god yelled really, really loud?" And as Lelouch, Suzaku, and Nunnally look at each other and nod in unison.

Meanwhile in a busted up trash ridden alley. We find a hobo discovering a mysterious portal being closed, revealing two figures. One tall and one small but with a big head and both wearing black cloaks. The hobo freaks out and yells out. "Shit its the Terminators! Skynet has awakened! Its judgment day!" And runs as fast as his hobo legs can carry him. "Told you that was a stupid idea Metal." The taller of the duo comments as he removes his hood. Revealing an ebony armored human like robot with balloon legs, some weird ass cooling fins (I think) on his helmet with a blue star like gem on the front, red eyes and purple marks on his face. The shorter one stomps his foot angrily biting back with "Oh be quiet Bass! This black cloaks are the fashion of the future! All evil organization will wear them!" Bass scoffs at the thought and forcefully removes the short ones cloak. Showing a blue metal hedgehog with a streamlined frame, red shoes with a stripe and a waist similar to a jet engine. "Really Metal Sonic do you have to be so melodramatic? Its bad enough that I am dealing with a lame mission like this instead of dealing with..." Metal Sonic cuts him off telling him "Blah, blah, blah, I know. Anyways dealing with that girl will be easy now that the Susanoo unit has been separated from her." Bass smiles cruelly commenting "Seriously, what was it again? The white wind? Or was it the white Bon Jovi? Who's dumb enough to just stand there and boast in the face of an enemy?" The two get a good laugh as the leave the alley.

Meanwhile our currently focused upon protagonist foursome show Alice around the Los Angeles area. Exposing her to all sorts of new things which shock and amaze the young girl. "Whoa!

How is all of this even possible?" C.C remarks casually "Well in this world the Washington rebellion succeeded and colonialism fell apart. Without absolute monarchies to control the world, concepts like democracy and civil equality became the norm all around the world." Alice looks on in amazement as she eats a crepe and with her mouth full comments "So does that mean that areas don't exist and you can't kill black people and get away it because you are white?" "There are no areas, but you can kill black people if you are white, especially in Florida." Suzaku chimes in with "What about Puerto Rico and Guam?" Lelouch responds with

"Nobody cares about them, _especially_ Guam." Nunnally then comes with several books in tow "Alice, take a look!" She excitedly tells Alice while picking up an empty photo album to which Alice looks in confusion.

"Its for future vacations Alice! We went to New York a short time ago and our old album was filled. So now we have a new book to store precious memories with!" Alice blushes when Nunnally smiles at her and looks away in embarrassment as Nunnally continues on. "We can't leave the dimensional sea for other worlds outside it, so you're pretty much stranded." Alice frowns sadly when Nunnally holds her hands saying.

"So just stay here with us! This world is far beyond the reach of Brittannia and the Geass order. And I finally have a friend! Big Brother, Suzaku, and C.C are nice, but they are all in a different world from me.

Also Regene left, so I have nobody to talk to now." Alice interrupts Nunnally saying "But, your brother..." Lelouch interrupts the two by saying to Alice in a stern voice which made Nunnally nervous "Alice of the speed.

As a knight of Brittannia. Are you willing to dedicate to your life to protect Nunnally?" Alice nods in confirmation with clear determination in her eyes. Leading Lelouch to pat her in the head and tell her "Then you are welcome to stay here for as long as you wish. I'm sure C.C will find a way to return you to your world, and we will go and reclaim it. I give you my word." Alice at that point begins to cry in joy as C.C shows up behind the group with a slice of pizza in mouth which after swallowing tells Lelouch "Shame on you Lelouch! You made a little girl cry!" Lelouch attempts to respond to C.C's snark when Alice interjects, simply saying "Its alright, I'm just happy that I..." And with one big ass explosion in the distance, the plot is kickstarted anew. Ain't that a bitch? Alice looks in fear as from the explosion rises Metal Sonic who at great speeds swoops in. beats the crap of just about everyone around Alice and takes her before anyone can react. As the beaten heroes lie broken Lelouch could only ask "What just happened? In a mixture of shock and sheer amazement. With Suzaku replying with "I think we just got our asses kicked by a robotic furry." "Suzaku" Lelouch continues with a deadpan voice with Suzaku saying "Yes, Lelouch?"

"I'm going to kill that furry. I'm going to murder him." "And how do you plan on that?" Suzaku asked in a tone just as deadpan as Lelouch when C.C. After getting up tells them "I have an idea you guys.

Quick, to Seattle Washington!"

We head to Seattle Washington, a place where the weather is rainy and there are coffee shops EVERYWHERE. "Aren't we spreading an outdated and biased reputation of the city?" Suzaku asks while C.C answers with "Not really, besides the only things Seattle is known for are the rain, Nirvana, and Starbucks. And two of those three are dead. Anyways, here we are guys. Zvezd-e Bear's invader free pizzeria and coffee store." Nunnally looks at the door and comments "So this is where you work? Tch! Mafia free my ass! I bet you all that the minute we enter this place we will find a bunch of Italian men with pressed suits, guns and goofy masks." And as an annoyed Nunnally opens the door. Only too find something; unexpected? The place seemed pretty normal and brightly colored just like any other Chuck E. Cheese's rip off.

But there are many mountain asparagus props around and people in black rubber jumpsuits wearing giant mouse heads emblazoned with a white Shiekah eye of truth/magnifying glass/graffiti thing on them,

as well as in their chests. "So C.C, are we here because these people have some way of tracking that robot furry?" Lelouch asks to C.C who is looking for something and responding with. "Hell no, I can do that at my apartment, I'm just here to pick up my order of eyes of newt and wings of bats. Do you know how hard it is to get this stuff is? Team Rocket used to do it until someone killed the board of directors with a missile or something." "I see, by the way, does every business in Seattle double as a coffee shop?" "Obviously, its Seattle after all. Apparently this was a normal Suck E. Bear's until the nineties when Starbucks bought off every business in the city. Even after Starbucks went under, signs of their influence still remains. It seems that some mafia from Ukraine in another world bought out this business shortly after the

Might Gaine incident a few authors ago." "Sounds foreshadowy C.C." Lelouch concludes as they reach the employee entrance.

Meanwhile Suzaku and Nunnally are looking at the restaurant when Suzaku notices a stuffed mouse head with the same appearance as the employees masks and pushes a nearby button out of curiosity. And the mouse begins to move and sing with a thick Italian accent.

N-O-Z-V-E-D-Z-A! Oh baby!

Welcome, welcome, generous friends.

We are regular businessmen.

Not invaders in an-y way.

Just you and me a Zvezd. E Bear's.

Zvezd. E Bear's is lots of fun.

Games, and coffee and udo and guns.

And look, no minions, nary a one.

Just you and me and Zvezd E. Bear's

J. Edgar Hoover always insists.

Organized crime just doesn't exist.

IED they're not in our midst.

Says Edgar, me and Zvezd E. Bear's.

No mooks, no minions, no kaijins, no grunts.

"Let's go Suzaku, we need to pick up the plot after all." Lelouch yells to him as everyone leaves with Suzaku musing. "I don't know what that was about. But it sounds foreshadowy." As everyone leaves

the building.

And now in C.C's apartment, whose inside is basically a cross between Gruntilda's lair and that place that the Caster from Fate/Zero used to kill people with. Complete with black cat and a walking broom with arms dusting the cobwebs. As C.C's companions looked in awe at the sheer cliché of it all. And then look at C.C who in annoyance screams out. "Fine, I admit it! I practice magic! You fucking happy now! Anyways, lets go get to work." As C.C turns on the electric stove for the big black cauldron where she puts several of the bat wings and eye of newts each of which causes an eruption of steam in the cauldron.

"I summon the power of the ancient spirits of plot! Oh gods of narrative come to me and reveal our future foretold!" The cauldron suddenly erupts anew with the explosion and steam covering the entire apartment and spilling out leading to a small child telling an old latino landlady. The same one that beat up Jerid Meesa in all her tan skin, chubbiness and white hair in a top knot. "Miss landlady, the neighbor girl is invoking the powers of Satan again." To which the lady sighs in annoyance saying "I'll call the exorcists."

And inside the appartment, the smoke clears to reveal the author aliastheabnormal in the middle of the room. "Hey, where the hell am I?!" C.C explains to an annoyed alias "This is my apartment and we want to ask you where Alice is." "And why should I? I can't just give everyone spoilers after all." "Because if you don't you'll have to spend more time writing this. And the schedule has already slipped badly enough as it is. After all wasn't this series supposed to have ended before the end of 2012? You're over two years behind schedule." After a moment of silence caused by C.C's statements Alias capitulates saying to them.

"They are in Japan in the world of Code Geass its being invaded by Eggman and Wily." "Why are they doing that?" "Fuck if I know. I still haven't gone that far yet." "C.C then asks "Can you take us there."

"Meh, why not? But before that..." Alias pulls out an ipad and starts working on it. Causing a burst of light that recreates the Zero costume that Lelouch wears, only more muscular and blocky. Lelouch looks in shock at the changes while Alias explains. "Its a super suit called the Zero armor. Is based on the Zero design of one of the spin off manga." "This is sweet." Lelouch remarks as he swishes his cape which cannot

cover his body anymore due to the bulk. "Well I'm sending you to your world. You're on your own when you get there. And don't try any of that Geass stuff on me. Authors have plot immunity to brainwashing and most genjutsu. Anyways see ya." And with a snap of his fingers Lelouch, Suzaku, C.C and Nunnally are sent to their destiny. Alone Alias teleports away while commenting. "I should level grind for a while.

After the fight with Bernkastel and this I really need to work on improving my perks grid."

And in the world of Code Geass our heroes in this plot thread appear in a flash of light in the middle of a forest's clearing. C.C is the first to comment upon the landing. "Hooray, were here!" In a fairly joyous tone uncommon to her. "We landed safely and securely. And now nothing can stop us now!" Only to be greeted with the gun cocking of a large group of 300 Egg pawns. Roughly human sized bipedal robots,

whom are red in color and similar to Eggman in their fat torso and skinny arms and legs, surrounding the group with various types of rifles, lances and missile launchers. Everyone is visibly worried as laser pointers cover the groups bodies. And then cut to a prison cell where the four are being held. Lelouch utters the word damn while Nunnally muses "I should have asked if the author could let me walk again."

**To be continued**


	43. Road Trip 17: Wokenritter: Trials and

**Radiant ZAFT: Road trip**

We got to Dr. Weird's lab in South Jersey where a sudden massive explosion destroys the roof of the insane asylum revealing a giant robot that flies out of the roof faster than the speed of sound. Apparently a

color palette swap of the Megas XLR only in purple and neon green and with a new beetle convertible for a head. "So wooden Steve! What do you think of my giant robot car! BWAHAHAHAHAA!" Dr. Weird roars out to an impressed Geno who screams out. "Its fucking Geno already! And hot damn this is awesome! This has to be the first useful thing you ever made!" Dr. Weird gleefully orders Geno

"Wooden Steve! turn on! The radio!" Geno complies and fiddles with the radio/8 track player until he finds a station playing a blazing rock song. "There Wooden Steve! That's the one!" Dr. Weird comments to Geno who tells him "I love this song! Let's go Dr. Weird." As the two head bang with Dr. Weird doing air guitar as the vocals parts begin. "Living here in Jersey fighting villains for afar. You gotta find first gear in your giant..." Suddenly the two are cut off by smashing into the wreckage of a Star Destroyer in orbit.

**Chapter 17: Wokenritter: Trials and Tribulations**

We find ourselves in Hayate Yagami's house in Mid Childia, the homeland of the TSAB or Time Space Administration Bureau. An organization that deals with matters of magic and a division of PANTHEON.

A group created to counter the Grand United Alliance of evil after the day of Might Gaine where... "WHAT THE MOTHERFUCKING HELL OF SHIT!" We find Vita freaking out over the fact that.

"We're getting sued by that little c*** that Hayate shoved on us as a pack mule! What was her name? Kavorka or something wasn't it?" Sigmun holding a cup of coffee answers in her usual stoic tone. "His name is Erio Mondal Vita, and he was sent to us because the TSAB was being sued for gender discrimination. "You gotta be screwing with me Sigmun! Zafira is a guy and you... Wait, he was a guy?!" Vita yelled out in shock at the probably retconned discovery. But considering their last appearance was two years ago in real time, I'm not gonna go back to read up on all that crap. "Yes Vita he was." Sigmun commented as Shamal goes to answer the homes front door which is being fiercely knocked on.

Meanwhile Vita is... "Why is that fucking prick doing this anyways? We got those fake magician bitches anyway?" Sigmun retorts with "Yes, and then they escaped."

"That was Bakura's fault not mine!" "But we expect that of Bakura and Zafira to a lesser extent due to being Arf's evil counterpart back then." Sigmun counterpoints to an upset Vita.

While Shamal tries to get their attention to no avail. "Why the hell is Zafira the evil one Sigmun?" "Because we were bound to an evil deathbomination that after we killed and force Reinforce to seal away.

Crapped out three other deathbominations this time in the form of evil twins who came back after some asshole bimbo bitch started screwing around with the time line and released a death loli which thankfully

we didn't kill." Zafira in wolf mode adds his piece with "Don't forget the tentacles that came out of Mistress Hayate." To which both Vita and Sigmun both soured into silence at the memory of it. "Anyways what about the summons?" Zafira asks to which Sigmun comments while magically burning the letter. "What is this summons you talk about?" And the three begin to laugh as the front door explodes and large numbers of heavily armed policemen flood the house pinning down the trio with great force. One of the guards tell the trio as they are being cuffed. "You are going to court and you gonna like it! Search the house for the leader!"

And thus the police rush upstairs checking from door to door. And after some searching find where Hayate is yelling out "Sweet merciful Saint Kaiser! This place reeks of sex!" And then squirting noises begin to be heard quite loudly as a huge yell reverberates across the residence. "Did she just piss herself?" "I don't think that's pee." The policemen complain as a third one pukes from the smell. Hayate then casually greets everyone "Hello, how are you all doing?" "Oh man look at this porn stash guys and gals." "Is that Screw hard 15 in limited edition Blu-ray?" two other cops comment to which Hayate responds "You want it? I have three more stashed somewhere else." And the first cop asks Hayate "Why are you wearing bondage gear?" Another one comments "So its true what they say about Hayate Yagami. The legendary harem master." The cops upstairs gasp in amazement with one female saying. "You mean that girl is THE legendary Harem master Yagami? The woman with three other women in every port?" "I heard that there is even a club called Exes against Hayate Yagami, a bunch of jilted ex-boyfriends who swore revenge on her after she seduced their girlfriends?" Hayate annoyed comments "For your information, they willingly came to me."

And now we cut to a prison cell where the Wokenritter and Hayate are imprisoned due to escaping arrest. Alongside them is the skeleton from chapter 13 playing a new harmonica, the Chupacabra, and a giant slug monster with an aluminum hat. "Well this fucking blows!" Vita angrily complains "We are getting sued by our subordinates, our devices have been confiscated, and Hayate is yelling like a maniac." "I am not a maniac Vita! I am perfectly sane! I have everything under control!" Zafira commented "I have to admit, I would have never believed in chronic porn withdrawal until now. I'm amazed you and Sigmun haven't been raped yet." "Look Zeffie, I made this d**** out of stuff I found in the cell!" Zafira retorts "That is a dead rat mistress Hayate." "But its stiff!" "That is rigomortis setting in mistress Hayate." Vita then asks "Where is Bakura anyways?" Sigmun comments "She managed to pay her bail and is now trying to get the money to pay ours."

We cut to Shamal partying on her own. "Whoopee! That's what you get for calling me Bakura, Sigmun! I hope to the Saint Kaiser you assholes rot in jail!" Suddenly the door knocks which Shamal orders. A pizza boy, a Chinese delivery guy, and a guy carrying a package of marbled Kobe beef appear with the pizza guy telling Shamal that her orders are ready.

"Of course, you guys take credit don't you?" And Shamal then whips out Hayate's credit card.

Back in the prison Vita asks the slug and the skeleton about why they are here. The skeleton, known as Steve explains his stint in Africa and how he got thrown in jail due to a previous criminal record.

As for the slug... "And that was how I became the most beautiful and, the most fertile woman on my planet." With a voice so masculine it isn't even funny. And causing nausea and vomiting on all those

unfortunate enough to hear it. Even Hayate is trying to hold in the barf. "By the way, what happened to Agito anyways." Zafira asks while looking in bizarre fascination the large quantities of vomit coming out of her mistress. While Sigmun responded "She went to a Unison device support meeting and was going to pick up Rein from the insane asylum. It seems she is being cleared at long last. I wouldn't worry, Bakura is taking care of the house, so there is nothing to worry about."

The day of the hearing... A bailiff is seen at the back entrance of the typical courtroom, Its Mappy the police mouse, a white mouse in a police uniform inside a rather large power armor of a bipedal and quite armored variety with a large and heavy shield and a shock pike like those the Emperor guard use. "All right people, give it up for the honorable judge Mentok the mind taker." "All right people, lets see what we've got here." Mentok, a green skin humanoid with a mustache, yellow eyes and hammy voice announces to the court behind a bullet proof podium. "Okay, if any one is wondering, the reason everyone here is behind three inch reinforced glass and our guards are wielding enough guns to give Charton Heston a boner. Its because we are dealing with some problematic guests." Vita angrily tries to protest,

when she is cut off by Mentok. "Wait! Don't say a word, after all I can read minds, for I am Mentok the mind taker!" Okay... and now" "MIND TAKING! Whooeehwoo!"

At the defense podium we find Hayate asking Sigmun "So what are we gonna do about lawyers? "Well, Bakura said that she would take care of it. So I'm sure he is coming soon." And as they talk a homeless weasel with a cap and clearly unbathed and ungroomed reaches the defense desk much to the shock of all. After several moments of stunned silence Vita asks. "Hayate, what is that thing?" Mentok comments "I see the defense lawyer is here finally. Anyways, prosecution state your case." The prosecution turns out to be Miles Edgeworth, a handsome man in a formal red suit. Zafira looks on in wolf mode and mutters "Well, now were all fucked. Seriously, how in the HELL can this get any worse?" And then Mentok says. "All right, can the first witness come forward? A miss Nanoha Takamachi?"

One ten minute long fuck swear at full voice by Zafira and then being bound and gagged due to it later. We cut for a brief moment to our original protagonists Kira, Athrun, and Shinn in an airport in Hong Kong

and have heard the yell from halfway across the earth. "What was that all about?" Shinn yelled out half deaf Kira answered with "It sounded like some male with a deep baritone voice yelled fuck for five minutes." Shinn amazed commented to Kira in visible incredulity. "Did you just say something smart?" And thus Shinn's mind is literally blown away in a photo realistic explosion effect leaving chunky salsa all over Kira. Athrun then shows up saying "Okay Kira, Shinn, I finally got the van out of impound but it will take some time until the paperwork for its permit are... What happened to Shinn?" Kira looking oblivious remarks innocently "Something about me saying something smart." Athrun looks worried and slowly backs away from the scene in order to avoid the approaching security detail.

(Don't worry everyone, Shinn is a main character, so he didn't really die and will be fine soon enough.)

Back at the courthouse we return to Nanoha is testifying to the court, Saint Kaiser help us all... "And then I used my Starlight breaker to blow up the entire cliff side. Hell the perp jumped of the cliff to get away from me! It was awesome!" At that time Fate Testarossa Haralown is looking on in embarrassment and Mentok asks "How do you live with this woman?"

Fate bluntly answers with an exasperated look on her face "Well she acts a lot more sane at home. So I honestly think its the unlimited power talking. Its actually easier than you think."

We quickly flashback to a past event when Nanoha is blowing things up while laughing like a maniac while Fate looks on finishing one of many marijuana joints visibly buzzed and yelling

"I AM SO FUCKING HIGH!" We cut back to the present where Fate is laughing sheepishly with an anime style sweat drop on her head which turns into quiet sobbing. Whom is consoled by the homeless weasel who then pats Fate's head.

"Now let's bring out our next witness for the prosecution, and the plaintiff, Erio Mondial" Mentok comments as suddenly the imperial march begins to play out in the courtroom revealing a taller version of Erio

clad in black armor, a black cape and a mask with one round visor with a considerably noticeable breathing noise, topped by a helmet with earphones similar to a swept pair of wings. Oddly enough the armor is fairly slim and looks more like a cross between Darth Vader and Lelouch Lamperouge's Zero costume. "Okay, ridiculously gaudy life support unit aside. Which I call bullcrap since TSAB insurance would cover the regeneration tanks. What do you want to say? Erio looks calmly and says "You guys are all assholes, its already bad enough that the other men in the bureau treat me like shit because I worked with a lot of girls. Even when I'm not a pervert like some people. And quite literally everyone was a lesbian there anyways." Hayate yells out objection which Mentok overrules and thus Erio keeps ranting.

"You know what everyone calls you guys? Hayate's lesbian army. And you? The legendary harem master Yagami!" Mentok intercedes with "You're Harem master Yagami? My cousin who works in the

ground forces says that you stole her girlfriend, and sister, and mother, and grandmother." Hayate annoyed yells out "They ALL came to ME dammit!" Meanwhile Fate asks Sigmun after returning

from the bathroom "Sigmun, where is Nanoha?" "Well Testarossa, she left the courtroom with her barrier jacket still..." Sigmun then breaks out of her stoic expression in realization of what has happened.

And then we cut back to Nanoha blowing up a gang of panicking biker punks while laughing like a maniac. "FULL ON FRIENDSHIP!"

Back at the trial we find Sigmun testifying, or at least trying to. "I never knew Sigmun had stage fright problems" Vita comments as Sigmun lies paralyzed in fear. "Makes you wonder how she taught in the dojo. Meanwhile back at Uminari." Mentok looked on in concern as he asked one of the guards to escort Sigmun outside the courtroom. And in the meantime Edgeworth annoyingly complains about not getting

screen time. "Why the hell am I here anyways? They could just have used that green haired guy to do this.

Meanwhile in a bar in California Sting Oakley the green haired guy and Sting Oakley his compatriot and light blue hatred pretty boy with a lighter complexion than his friend are drunk as piss and sadly reminiscing about the fact that they have been put on a bust for the past three years. Slamming his glass of bourbon whiskey and with bloodshot eyes and an unkempt beard Sting yells out. "Fuck the author! We were promised a major role in the secondary cast and we end up being forgotten while Stellar gets all the screen time." Auel staggeringly responds with "Hey don't speak shit about Stellar!" Oakley retorts wearily."Quit it Auel, you know she isn't into you. Seriously the girl is such a brocon." Auel tries to respond but only pukes. Meanwhile some seats away we find Beecha Oleg also drinking commenting to the duo "What are you complaining about?! At least you have a future. The author has been trying to kill me off for years. And at one time I was part of the main group for craps sake!" Then Beecha starts choking from a heart attack and falls off the seat. Sting and Auel look on, drunk as all hell as Beecha at long last dies. Auel comments "Damn! Why isn't there anyone else anyways?" After a moment of drunken silence, Auel continues on with "I bet you can't piss in this guys mouth."

And again at the courtroom everyone is bickering while the drunk weasel suddenly wakes up. "Fuck you Lima bean! I dare you to take MY mind!" Vita angrily yells out at Mentok who calmly snarks back "I would, but you don't have a mind." The two continue going "How about you say to my face you freak!" "Bring it on 40,000 year old virgin!" Suddenly Vita starts crying much to Mentok's dismay and Hayate's anger who quickly consoles her with a hug and gives Mentok a pants shitting death glare as she strokes Vita, calming her down. Meanwhile Fate and Sigmun try to convince the guards to leave whom are having none of it. Edgeworth simply left, while Erio returns from the bathroom without his Vader suit, which nobody notices even if it proves he was lying. And then the hobo weasel talks "I realized something, the reason you are fighting is over a settlement." Erio replies with "I also want them to be fired." "Well, you see, all Hayate needs to do is to fake a dive. Then after she is fired, you can sue for unjustified termination, get your job back and get some good money." Hayate angry and offended criticized the weasel with "Do you really believe I would stoop to corruption even to save my own skin?!" Mentok in a deadpan tone blurted out "Meh, I'll allow it." At that time the ring tone to Barbie girl plays from a pocket in Sigmun's pants. "Could you all just give me a minute? Agito is calling so she and Rein must have returned to the house." As Sigmun picks up her surprisingly modern iPhone Vita quietly snickers to herself. "Ah, Agito did you and Rein finally come back home?" Turning to Agito in her child form witnessing the Yagami household burnt to the ground and freaking out tells Sigmun "Sigmun danna, the house has been burnt down! Apparently Bakura is a suspect and she has been arrested. And Rein. Is not taking it well." Rein is in her tiny form paralyzed in shock at the complete destruction of the house and the sirens of firemen and police officers among others surrounding her. Sigmun hangs up while Hayate, Zafira and Vita curiously look on "Mistress Hayate. Our house burned down, Bakura has been charged with arson, and all the porn was burned as well." Hayate after hearing this, well...

Twenty minutes of loudly yelling out fuck later Hayate is near voiceless and gasping for air while Sigmun and Zafira iron out a settlement between Mentok and Erio. Vita aside from helping Hayate snickers while murmuring "I can't believe Agito has the Barbie girl ring tone. What's next, I'm too sexy?" Mentok then announced "Okay, it looks like we reached an agreement, 10 million for Mr. Mondal, Miss Yagami gets fired, and now she can press charges for unjustified termination." Vita asks "Is that even legal?" "Bitch, please. I am the almighty Mentok, THE MIND TAKER! I am the law here." "Okay..." "Mind taking. Oooohweeeooohhh."

Some time later after everything was sorted out the Yagami family ended up moving into a book store which they run during the appeals process. Everyone seems to be to fine. Hayate is sleeping on the counter alongside Vita. Sigmun is looking at documents involving a new game system called Brave Duel, Zafira is teaching martial arts to pass the time and forget that his screen time is nigh nonexistent after A's, Rein has recovered and eating a tomato, while Agito hangs around Sigmun whom tells everyone. "We should be nicer to Shamal everyone." Hayate wakes up groggily adding "Sigmun's right, let's be nicer to her after she gets out of jail." And falls asleep again as everyone agrees. And what about Shamal? You ask, well...

She is in the same jail cell as the other Wokenritter were locked up a while back, telling her story to the giant slug monster and skeleton. "Wow Shamal, you sure had it rough. Still, I can't believe that girl didn't worry about you." The slug comments to a confused Shamal and goes on with "All she did was talk about this Bakura character thru her chronic porn withdrawal." Shamal amazed and with some tears quietly comments "Mistress Hayate, you really do care." And starts crying in regret of her actions. The skeleton asks "Why are you crying? You're not Bakura after all. Shamal with a warm smile responds "That's right, I am Shamal."

**To be continued**

**Next episode**

A moment of peace between villains. A reminiscence of days gone by. As Char Aznable and his comrades look at the campfire. Questions long sought are answered at long last. And the mysteries behind the worlds are explored and confronted. Even if it is nothing more than a momentary peace. Suspicions abound, both of their memories, and themselves. Next time on ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip.

**Chapter 18: Zeon's memories.** Bake those beans on the great outdoors Gyunei!


	44. Road trip 18: Zeon's memories

**ZAFT of the Radiance**

This time we are shockingly not in Dr. Weird's lab of crazy but in the Jersey shore where Dr. Weird the mad scientist, and Geno the puppet that no longer can exist in Mario games due to licensing shit.

"Don't bring it up." Geno dejectedly sighs visibly resigned to his current lot in life, alongside many other assorted beach goers. "Gentlemen, BEHOLD! The conch of Chtulu!" Geno in shock yells at Weird

"Are you insane?! Seriously! Why would you use something like that!" Dr. Weird pauses for a few seconds, yells out that he is, and blows the conch only for it to do nothing except summon a Hot pocket. "Well that was anticlimactic." "Yeah, does that mean we can go home now?" "Not yet Wooden Steve!" Yells out Weird as he strips naked much to the horror of Geno.

**Chapter 18: Zeon's memories**

This time we catch up to this series current sympathetic ineffectual villains, The Neo Zeon. As they are currently in a park in another world similar to the world of Gundam 00. Out in the starry nighttime skies and humble campfire. Char Aznable the masked man in red, who currently has it off while cleaning it. Revealing his fairly short blond hair. Gyunei Guss the surprisingly domestic Cyber Newtype who is

working on dinner, mainly a pot of baked beans along some beef jerky, peeled potatoes and several other garnishes. Quess Paraya who is watching the pot of beans intently and drooling somewhat. And the new addition Kergenko, a young blob of moe that recently left his abusive boss **FULL FRONTAL, **who is sipping her warm coffee somewhat tensely. Originally a part of Full Frontal's group, The Sleeves.

She was picked up by Char and Gyunei when she escaped the war zone in New York, deathly afraid of the actions of both her commander. And Berkanstel, the infamous witch of miracles who slaughtered an entire room of security until he was driven of by Fezarl Ezelcant, who died afterward. "Gyunei! When is the food gonna be ready?" Quess whines in anticipation while grasping her fists. "The beans will be ready in five minutes. If you like you can eat them, but I believe it would be wiser to wait until the potatoes are done. I managed to get some ocean water from a nearby ocean to boil them and alongside some

pepper and celery, it would help to cleanse the palate of the rather sweet taste of the beans." Gyunei responds while wiping Quess' drool with a cloth much to her irritation. "Still, you're amazing at this! I don't understand why you ended up in the army. You could have been a five star chef or something!" Gyunei turns his back, blushing embarrassingly at Quess' praise. "That isn't necessary." Gyunei complain to which Char then commented. "Why not? After all, you were my subordinates in a world different from the one I came from. Same with Kergenko over there. After all she doesn't seem to be from the same world as **FULL FRONTAL**." Gyunei annoyed gave in, While Quess snickered at the sudden burst of ham coming from Char's mouth. "Seriously, Full Frontal? What kind of an idiot uses that name?

Hell, Zeheart Gallete is less lame than **FULL FRONTAL**.

Meanwhile on a grave site in Vegan Mars. Zeheart suddenly underwent a Newtype flash. "My Newtype senses are tingling. Which is weird, since there are no Newtypes in Gundam AGE. Maybe

X-Rounders count. But do they even have that ability? Still, its Galette by the way. Why am I even having this monologue in the first place?! I've already have everyone thinking I'm crazy and seeing things.

And now this happens!" A male voice from out of nowhere starts speaking "You are crazy little brother." "SHUT UP ghost of Desil!" "Why are you calling me that? I am just a figment of drug induced imagination." Fram Nara his trusty aide is meanwhile looking on behind them annoyed, clearly seeing the tall gangly redhead and internally mumbling "Damn troll, I wish he would just pass on already."

The ghosts of Fezarl Ezelcant and a large number of random ghost mooks start nodding in agreement together while Fran sourly snarks back with "Don't you people have anything better to do

with your deaths?" Then the ghosts nod their heads in rejection to an exasperated Nara.

"So who starts?" Gyuunei wondered while setting the pot with the baked beans on a collapsible picnic table bought some time ago with Quess asking him to go first. Which Gyuunei annoyed refuses. Only for Kerengeko to intercede and opening her eyes widely while making a puppy dog face. "Pretty please Gyunei." And after some recoil, Gyuunei gives in simply stating. "Fine, but in exchange you will help

clean up." Kergenko now switches to a moe stare with a bishie sparkle leaving Gyunnei blushing and Quess snickering.

"Okay, I guess it first began in the Republic of Zeon in mine and Quess' world. I was a student in the Mansa institute for the culinary arts." Quess suddenly interrupts Gyuunei's narration with an amazed reaction saying to him. "The Mansa institute?! Where all those famous spacenoid chefs go to?! How did you get in anyways? You never struck me as loaded." "I'm not, I got in thru a scholarship." "That's cool" "Which then petered out." "That blows." "Yes it does Quess. Anyway I got stuck with a mountain of debt and was dragged into the space mafia." Quess interrupts Gyuunei's tale with "The space mafia?!"

In visible shock at the fact. "So it's the mafia..."Gyuunei completes Quess' sentence saying "in space. More specifically the space Sicilian mafia. On the plus side I managed to learn how to cook some awesome pasta dishes while being their slave." Char vouches for him reminiscing about the incident in New York. "Oh yeah, I remembered. And then we had to leave the world of Gundam 00 since Lacus was pissed as all fuck. I wonder what happened to **FULL FRONTAL **anyways?"

We now quickly head to the bottom of the New Jersey river where the skeletal remnants of **FULL FRONTAL** and Angelou Sauper are tied down by by a giant cement block. And yeah, that's it, he's dead.

Back at the camp we find Kergenko smiling at her new found freedom and then crying in joy. Quess begins patting her head to comfort her. "It's OK, It's OK. The abusive man is gone now.

Unless he breaks out of hell somehow." And then Kergenko goes completely pale with fear as Quess sits nearby unaware of the freak out and Gyunei continuing his tale. "Okay, let's see. Well, basically my

four months before graduation I got cut off, apparently the colony where it was headquartered crashed somewhere in Australia I think."Char asks "That's new, I haven't heard something like that.

Still, ever since that whole Operation Stardust fiasco." "Then, I was found by the Char from my world and got turned into a Cyber Newtype." "Hey Gyuunei, I've been wondering. What is getting into a Cyber Newtype like?" "To be honest I blocked it out of my mind, Yet somehow I have a fear of Euro-pop and I sometimes flashback to visions of ABBA." Char intercedes by asking "As in the Swedish pop band?" Gyuunei nods worriedly while Quess pats Gyuunei's shoulders in encouragement while telling him. "Gyuunei, it will all be okay."

Quess then coughs and begins to tell her story. "Well let's see, I was a debutante in the Earth Federation, then I ran away to join a Newtype commune in Tibet." Kergenko pauses the story to comment

"Can Newtypes be born on Earth?" Quess tells everyone "Well there have been cases of natural occurrences. But they are much rarer than in space, also the Newtype is more of a thing to be triggered

instead of something you're born with. Actually before Newtypes were recorded these people would be called ESP-rs, its just that Zeon was the first people to research practical applications for such powers. Kergenko claps in amazement and cheer. "I'm amazed you're so knowledgeable about the subject!" "Now that I think about it. Wasn't Quess unstable mentally? And the Char I knew had a buzz cut,

and didn't use a mask anymore. Also Lalah Sune was dead for years." "Weird, I remember you were much more of a douchetard, and couldn't cook worth beans." Gyuunei is annoyed while Char adds.

"Well I never saw you two back in my world. We only met because all three of us were paying off our dinners on a steak restaurant. You guys called me Captain and started to follow me around before

Lacus' goons grabbed us and used us as test pilots."

After all that Kergenko asks Char "What is your story anyways Captain?" "Well, if you are from Zeon I'm sure you know most of the stories. I was the son of Zeon Zum Deikum who joined Zeon

to kill the Zabi's. I became an ace pilot by sinking three Magellan class battleships with a Zaku. The whole Quattro thing, then dropping the Axis, and then landing next to a busted up Elmeth in a tunnel somewhere. Strange, now that I think about it I ended up looking younger and with my old mask back." Quess comments "Yeah, we barely recognized you back then. But somehow me and Gyuunei

knew at a glance." "Hey Kergenko, what was your past like?" Char comments to a suddenly saddened moeblob "I don't remember." Her companions are visibly shocked at the fact as she elaborated.

I was found by **FULL FRONTAL** sometime back. Ever since then I have been their backup. Still there was always something scary about him and Angelou. The purple guy that sounds like the Mooninite Err. And then after that..." "This is getting disturbing, I guess we really should skip planet." Char comments as a timer shows that the baked beans are done. "Well. Let's dig in I guess."

Gyuunei puts the pot in the table, taking out four pan dishes with some visible wear and tear. "You know Captain, I haven't heard you act all Blofeldy for a while." Quess agreeable nods at the comments

while a visibly confused looking Kergenko looks at Quess who begins to talk. "I guess you should know. You see Char was acting all evil overlord for a while at first and according to him that's

why Lalah Sune left." "Is that so, but then who is this miss Sune?" Gyuunei finishes setting up the table only to nonchalantly blurt out "Lalah Sune was Char's teenage lover." Kergenko displeased commented "He is a pedo?!" "I am not a pedo! I am an Ebebophile!" Char yells out from the top of his lungs while Kergenko looks at Gyuunei in curiosity with her typical moe stare. Gyuunei sighs

as he puts the remaining plates down explaining to the girl. "An Ebebophile is a person that is sexually attracted to teenagers, unlike Pedophilia which targets minors 12 and below." And now a moment of awkward silence.

**To be continued...**

And now its time for... Radiant corner! With your hosts, Kira Yamato, Athrun Jacques Zala, and Shinn Asuka!

And on cue the curtain pulls back on a stage with the trio in plain sight. Kiran begins with "Ladies, and Gentlemen and non gendered, and trans gendered." Athrun closes Kira's mouth with his open right hand and goes on in Kira's place. "Anyways, today's meeting is all about" And then the three speak out in unison "The basics of the dimensional plane!" And with loud cheering from the crowd the group goes on with Shinn adding. "Its actually quite amazing, how things have changed, I still remember when we actually had a roof on our heads instead of living in a camper." Athrun adds "I still remember when we got our

asses kicked all the time." Kira finishes with "Hey Shinn, remember when Athrun used you as a meat shield, and you got slaughtered by Xelloss?" Shinn then looks at Athrun and kicks him in the balls

while giving Kira thanks for the reminder with an evil grin while looking at Athrun squirming on the floor in pain.

Kira looks on in shock as Athrun squirms while Shinn flashes a smile of evil contentment. He starts to explain again over the screams of Athrun"Uh, moving on. Basically, the dimensional plane is in a sense somewhat like your outer space." Kira commented while Shinn counteracts with "But aren't all the worlds separated like in Kingdom hearts?" "Yes and no Shinn. True, the worlds are separated but unlike Kingdom hearts it is possible to traverse worlds thru space. For example we are in the world of Gundam 00 which is an Earth of sorts while Vagan is next to us and Jupiter where the Celestial beings Jupiter factory where true GN drives are built. While Vagan is linked from a warp gate to the world of Gundam AGE which is another Earth like area." "You know Kira, I'm amazed you know so much about this stuff. I never would have pegged you as someone for exposition." "Well Shinn I may look like it but I am a coordinator." Kira replies with a short chuckle. Shinn incredulous looks at Kira whom is unnerved.

"You know I don't think the whole thing matters to the plot." "Well excuse me princess! Besides who knows when will that matters! Maybe someday we will meet our doppelgangers or something."

"Yeah and they will be competent heroes beloved by all." Comments Shinn with spectacular sarcasm.

A few laughs by the duo later, which are mostly drowned out by Athrun's screams and pissing blood. Shinn asks Kira So what are these gates anyway? I believe I've heard of things like the Zakorello gates made by the Zakorello's. The corridors of darkness which are mostly used by Xenahort and Maleficent. The mirror of twilight and other Twili related gizmos. And those giant doughnut rings used by civilians in some worlds to go past light speed." "Everything you said and more Shinn. All of these are actually differing methods of going thru dimension space a realm transcending time, space, and logical scientific explanations that don't involve glowing green rocks or weird ass space that comes out of a giant sandworm's ass and turns you into a mutant." Shinn yells out in shock screaming "WHAT?! The spice of Arrakis is..." "Yes as you hear, it is the feces of the Arrakian giant sandworm. Or the ass of Leto Atreides who is a bizarre semi immortal man worm. And is finally synthesized, which is what the people

who opposed Leto should have done in the goddamn first place." "I think I'm gonna hurl Kira!" "Why are you so worried? Its not like you eat the stuff."

"Anyways about the lanes. Basically they serve two purposes." Kira exposes as Athrun finally falls unconscious from the kick. "I can't believe you are still pissed at that situation."

After exchanging a few looks with Shinn, Kira nonchalantly resumes his explanation without missing a beat. "To transport people between worlds, and to hold the Traverse ocean and its islands."

"There is something like that there?" "Indeed it is Shinn. For a more detailed explanation we bring in our guest. Straight for central Mid-childa. Nanoha Takamachi!" And suddenly behind Shinn's back Nanoha appears in civilian clothes with a non crazed gun woman appearance and demeanor. Shinn is still fairly scared thought and backs away quickly. "Don't worry Shinn, Nanoha, Athrun, and me go back a while.

The two of us ended up in some trouble exchanged e-mails and kept in touch. Several situations have been keeping us out of contact though. She is actually quite nice when she isn't killing things and even has an adopted daughter. By the way, how are Fate and Vivio?" "Doing well actually Kira. Vivio is finally in middle school and everything doing quite well and even has a girlfriend now." "Like mothers like daughter

I guess." Shinn is genuinely shocked and internally commenting "I can't believe he is holding a normal conversation against the freaking white devil of the TSBA! This is bad, if I make a move she will kill everyone here." Suddenly Athrun wakes up and starts to strangle Shinn in a fit of vengeful rage.

"The traverse islands are artificially made islands meant to both monitor the dimensional space, and provide refuge for those who have no home. The islands are divides into three major areas. Traverse town,

a giant town which grows and shrinks depending on the size and needs of the population. Its a pretty hodgepodge place with many contrasting areas. Its also pretty famous for both being the location of

the reapers game and the Monosseum famed for its death matches between different mons. Its basically like the MMA back when it was crazy awesome and you could get a scrawny boxer go against a

Sumo wrestler. Then the guardian district where both the TSAB headquarters and PANTHEON headquarters among others, and finally the anchor monument where its said that the key to open... something."

Kira looks in question with both him and Nanoha unaware of the fact that Shinn is elbowing Athrun in the sides to escape his death hold. "Actually that what its really called. It apparently was made by

the first author during the year 2000 or so. But apparently it is something very bad." "So how is the anchor like?" "Well, its basically a very big pale slab covered in red Tron lines and countless chains surrounding it with talismans of every kind. It also has a lot of greenery a lot of streams and ruins." "Sounds like a nice place." "And guarded by a 500 foot three headed dragon with disintegration cannons

for arms, miasma spewing spikes in its back, and can shoot napalm out its crotch. He has millions of minions that are all the way from tiny mooks smaller than you or me. To ten foot tall monsters that are basically a giant cone covered in mouths with missile launchers and extendable tongues." Kira just sits there in silence until saying. "I see, anyways that's all for today folks! And I hope that you will come to

our show again when we explain the TSAB in the future." "Of course Kira. By the way where is Athrun?" "Oh yeah I forgot all about him!" And the two turn to see both Athrun and Shinn unconscious,

barely breathing and beaten to near death.

And with the closing of the curtain, Kira finishes with "And until the emergency response crews reach the stage to revive these two. This is Kira Yamato signing off!"

**Next episode**

There was a man so badass that he karate chopped all in his way. Living peacefully after a heroic sacrifice after stopping a terrorist attack, he was called again into action after many years. But what was once a mission to save a friend in need, has devolved into a war that will engulf Gamindustry. That man, that legend, is Segata Sanshiro. And his new story begins now. Next time on ZAFT of the radiance.

**Chapter 19: Game changer.** You must play Sega Saturn Segata Sanshiro!


	45. Road trip 19: Game changer

**ZAFT of the radiance**

**CLAMPcataz II: The convicting.**

We find Lelouch Lamperouge, Suzaku Kururgi, C.C and Nunnally Lamperouge inside a fairly large, but restrictive prison cell somewhere in a re-purposed Brittanian prison. Its walls are dirty and barren and sealed by a shockingly well maintained steel door. While most of them are calm, Suzaku finds himself rattling a rusty metal cup to no avail since the prison is electronically locked, hermetically sealed, and merely scraping the walls. "Attica! Attica! Attica! Attica!" "How long are you going to keep at it Suzaku, the cells are obviously soundproof." Lelouch quietly mentions when the angry voice of a young woman screams out. "I hear you just fine you pricks!" C.C. Meanwhile is staring at the room to a concerned Nunnally who grabs her arm snapping her out of the trance. "You know, this may be out of the blue,but I remember the time you killed Charles and Marianne in the world of C." Nunnally suddenly freezes up at the revelation. "Oh yeah, I remember, she possessed Anya and used her for years only to return in the world of C." Suzaku muses and he slides down to the floor and drops the cup. "Well at least we know where the duplicitous asshole came from with you two." "She did what?!" Nunnally screams out when Lelouch picks up the conversation.

"Those two deserved the whole thing. I mean the only reason for Japan's invasion was so they could brainwash the entire world. And then I Geassed god into killing them after Charles became immortal by killing the guy who crippled Nunnally and killed our mother out of jealousy." Nunnally grows even more incredulous "YOU DID WHAT?!" C.C adds on "You mean V.V? What a dick, that's all I'll say."

"Doing that to her own niece. Truly a monster to dare use Geass on Nunnally, it is shameful." Lelouch comments in a tragic and hammy tone. "I hope you all choke on it! Go have a heart attack dammit!"

The next cells voice yells out only to be ignored.

"Hey Suzaku, I've been curious about this for a bit. But how did Euphie survive anyways?" "Beats me Lelouch, I heard they found her alive in a cardboard box. Weird wouldn't you agree? You would think that there is a Celestial being in our world." Nunnally at that time suddenly stands up and walks to the others wearing a look of pure rage, yelling "Okay assholes why the fucking hell didn't you tell me this, and how can you three casually blab about this like its a freaking tea time topic!" The trio is stunned into silence only for Lelouch to say "Nunnally, you're walking again."

**Chapter 19: Game changer**

We are currently in Planeptune's general hospital where the CPU's alongside Segata Sanshiro, Brave the hard, as well as Histoire a tiny blond fairy in purple riding a floating book. At one time known as the source of everything and a holder of the original goddess power from even before Tari came and went. She became the Oracle of Planeptune due to her closeness with Neptune. As well as IF and Compa, Neptune's friends and a guild agent and nurse respectively. IF is a girl with a green leaf bow atop long brown hair, famed for both her cliched as balls tsundere tendencies. As well as her trademark over sized blue jacket with several cell phones strapped into it. Compa is a sweet if bubbly girl in pink who tends to carry a huge injection needle as a weapon. It is shockingly effective though and has rather huge boobs. Seconding only to Thunder tits AKA Vert. Who alongside Neptune and Noire are bedridden with Noire fuming much to Neptune's worry. As for Rei, she is in the intensive care ward, with Peashy watching over a gravely injured

Rei Rights, with tears in her eyes and genuine worry and dread at the sight of her mother being beaten to near death. Unlike the others, Peash survived mostly unscathed enduring Xelloss' blasts as Yellow heart and by the fact that Xelloss left after throwing the near dead husk of Rei, and the very dead corpse of the red haired ninja girl Marvelous which is being shipped to the morgue.

Plutia is also quite beat up but still mostly mobile even if in a wheelchair patting Peashy in the head in reassurance. "Don't worry Peashy, Rei is really, really, really, really, really strong you know.

If anyone can pull out of it is her. Still, its amazing how much she worries about you. I guess she really did become your mommy." Peashy calms down after hearing those words and Rei then wakes up grabbing Peashy's hand and smiling. "Don't cry Peashy, I'll be fine. Plutia, sorry you had to see me like this." "Don't worry Rei, but you get some rest. Even if you don't need the power of Sharicite to fight,

you're still banged up all over." Plutia comments to a relieved Rei."

At that time the rest of the group is brainstorming. IF especially is sitting backwards in a hospital chair in deep thought. "So this black Neptune wannabe kicked Rei's ass, killed Marvy before she became relevant to the plot and if some weird plot hole didn't show up, Rei would be dead as well. Well isn't that just prime." Noire jumped up from her bed to complain, only to be paralyzed by the pain to which a worried Compa rushes to relieve. "Now Noire, you really need to rest up. After all you won't do anyone any good in your state." The severed head of Brave on the adjacent bed proudly yells out. "Do not worry big sister!

For we can do it if we stick together!" "Brave, if you don't stop hitting on Uni I'm going to erase you!" Brave replies desperately with "But big sister!" Only to vanish suddenly with little more than a fart noise. Everyone in the room looks on in stunned silence when Compa comments "Wow Noire! You made him disappear!" Noire vehemently denies the claims when Segata also vanishes with a fart noise as well,

as do several other people until finally Compa and IF vanish while everyone gives Noire a dirty look. "W-what the hell makes you think I had anything to do with these?! And where the hell are Blanc and Nepgear anyways?!" Vert mused, Blanc took Nepgear and Uni with her to Lowee for some reason." Histoire silent in shock quickly bolted saying "I'm going to look into this, bye." And flies off quickly in concern.

At that time in the bowels of Lowee. Blanc, Lowee's CPU is leading the candidates Nepgear and Uni to a locked room which contains a strange device shaped like a cross between the galaxy gun from

Star wars and a stargate with a screen of LCD covering the center. Blanc looks at the gun as the Dr. Weird theme suddenly starts playing and says in a louder, but equally deadpan delivery.

"Ladies, BEHOLD. The Nu-52 Ret gun!" And then the music stops and Blanc goes back to normal adding. "Apparently this device is from before Lowee was founded and was inside this basement for ages."

Uni looks at it with amusement commenting "Well, its interesting, but why do we need this?!" "If this Xelloss guy is so strong we're going to need to find a way to stop him. Basically this gun is fired from here to a specific spot in the past. Creating a cosmic retcon of the struck target. Basically its the ultimate news cycle machine. But its pretty busted up and... Where's Nepgear?" "She ran faster than the speed of light to

where the gun is and is already ripping apart the casing." Uni comments with some annoyance. "Still, that sounds to good to be true."

At that time Nepgear was already at work busy with the repairs to the machine internally and insanely monologuing "This is it Nepgear! With this power, I will erase the conquest ending of Neptunia Mk.2.

Yes, those fools who ruined my reputation and reduced to a butt monkey. No more stupid ass titles, no more falling for absurd traps, yes the age of Nepgear is finally here! BWAHAHAHAHA!"

(Nepgear unlocked the title: psycho bitch!) "Yes. THAT one." Nepgear says in annoyance.

Meanwhile, Xelloss is trying to do adjustments to 32-X and wondering to himself the purpose of this alliance. "Strange, no matter how I look at it, this whole situation makes no sense. And why do I have to do this? I am a demon priest not an Indian customer representative." Then a spark suddenly activated 32-X who started spewing random data, most important of all being. "Nu-52, dimensional retro-continuity cannon.

This weapon is capable of altering the time space continuum allowing its user to alter reality in a limited radius. Even if memories of the objects caught in the blast radius are remembered, the distortion causes all things affected by the event to be erased." Xelloss looks on amazed at the revelation and then opens his eyes while smiling an evil and disturbing grin. "I see, well, well, well. This alliance should prove invaluable to the Mazoku cause after all. I wonder if there is anything else inside this over complicated doll?"

By then the disappearances have spread not just to Gamindustri, but to nearby worlds. Vegan disappeared completely. The world of Gundam 00's timeline was split into several pieces. Countless histories changed, and more, and new names for planets Still, who could have done this horrible deed? "It wasn't me everyone!" Noire continues to yell in a panic as she is being spied on by a periscope coming from a glass of water. Yes, Divatox's spying method is bullshit. Where we find the slightly modified Megaman recolor knows as Author of all people and a large demon whose fires are so bright that his features are nearly unrecognizable next to him. "Looks like this is working well Firo! Soon we will be rid of all of the unnecessary support cast and we can finally move on with the plot again!" Firo the fiery lord of the fire demands in his surprisingly low key yet echoing tone "Don't forget the deal Author." "Yes I know get rid of Shinn's demon powers that he pestered you into giving. Not that it matters the jokes were getting old and considering the circumstances they were getting in the way, like the bald Athrun running gag." Suddenly the area distorted for several seconds to a shocked Author and Firo whom questions "What is going on?" Then an enormous explosion rocks the area as a rough manly voice speaks from Author's wrist mounted communicator. "Boss! Boss! Are you there? It's Rick the adventure sphere." Rick blurts out trying and failing to hide his panic thru false bravado and nasty static. "This is the Author, what is happening?" "Everything is falling apart Boss! The Missy is down and most of the cores have blown up!" "SPAAAACCCCEEEE! Are they in space? This is space right? Spacey, space, space." Yelled a second higher pitched voice when Rick angrily yelled out "SHUT UP!" Only for an explosion to cut off communications. "What is going on?"

"Author it seems there is a disturbance in the fire." Author and Firo look at a portal to find Nepgear gleefully destroying the fabric of reality for fun and profit. (Nepgear unlocked the title:

Mike Nelson destroyer of worlds.) Author tries to open a portal there at first to no avail. "Open damn you! Of all the crap that could happen!" Finally the portal stabilizes for a second only to fizzle out flinging him into dimensional space yelling "DAMN IT ALL!" Firo after a few seconds of shock and embarrassment face palms while saying "How could this get any worse." Enter Xelloss breaking into the basement of the Lowee basilicom and browbeating Blanc and Uni while Nepgear is ignoring the whole the mess. And then 32-X shows up alongside the Arfoire dragon in the middle of Planeptune from the sky. Firo merely sits down on his fiery throne and starts quietly weeping.

Meanwhile in Planeptune, the Arfoire dragon is assaulting the city when the CPU went off to fight. Neptune, Noire, and Vert went to face the foes in their HDD forms. While Plutia and Peashy stayed behind in the hospital. It does not go well for them. "So Neptune, I'm guessing you will take care of your clone?" Vert asks Neptune to which she nods in confirmation. "Good luck Neptune, you'll need it." "Thanks, if that clone can curbstomp Rei in her HDD form and kill Marvy-chan then I better be careful. And so Neptune as Purple heart goes off to face her palette swapped foe who is standing immovably in the skies above Planeptune. Materializing her large black and purple accented katana she darts underneath the clone in attempt to strike her down which doesn't work, merely having Neptune's sword bounce off. She tries several times

to no avail when 32-X activates, uppercuts Nep in the face with a knee jerk robotic reaction, knocking her flat on a nearby roof. "Well that blew. And now she is hovering there doing nothing with a blank expression. Okay, so if basic attacks won't work then." Summoning a purple battle aura and power-up music Neptune grabs her swords in a backwards hold lunging into the copy yelling "Its over! Neptune Break!" At the top of her lungs only for her sword to shatter with no damage to 32-X and leaving Neptune bewildered and enraged. After some minutes of futilely trying to smash the foe with her sword, she notices that in

32-X's back is a AR display saying system frozen, please reboot. "Well this is lucky news, I'll be on my way then." Suddenly a potato with several mechanical parts appears from above, accidentally presses the AR button and activates the Nep clone who activates her "Code SNK initiated Crimson Ash online." And flash steps right into Neptune's face who can barely react to the scenario 32-X's eyes glow red as she invokes. "Rape mode activated. Code Crimson Ash." To a shocked Neptune "Now look, I don't mind doing it with girls but isn't this too sudden?" Who gets clocked in the face then gets punched in the gut multiple times and finished by a rising knee to the chin causing her to plummet into the ground with her transformation dispelled blurting out groggily "Now I'll never get married..." Before falling unconscious. As the clone readies for the kill she is stopped by a yellow flash of light which sends her flying.

At that time Noire and Vert are having better luck with the Arfoire dragon, a large bloated and purple monstrosity complete with many a horn all over her body. but are still at a disadvantage due to

her city block sized bulk and constant shots of elemental breath to the point where Noire has to use Vert in her final hard mode a long white spear with green highlights and a glowing green spear tip. "This is not good Noire even if we keep dodging we will get tired sooner or later." Vert muses to an angry Noire who seems to be losing it quite handily. "That bitch! How dare she last this long!" "You should calm down Noire" Vert retorts in worry to Noire which she quickly shuts off with. "I am Lady CPU Black heart, bitch. Black heart doesn't lose!" Noire continues yelling, with eyes bloodshot and twitching "Die for me bitch!" And then she begins rushing blindly at the dragon getting hit multiple times with many attacks, and dragging a screaming Vert with her while screaming Xena style all through. Amazingly Noire lands a blow at the beasts gut. "Take that bitch! How do you like my penetration!" The Arfoire dragon then angrily roars as Noire fails at pulling out Vert and as the dragon readies her attack abandons Vert who is still in spear mode.

"What are you doing Noire?" "Sacrifices must be made Vert, that's all." Noire then leaves the battlefield as quickly and quietly as possible as the dragon begins to chew on Vert like a dog chewing a large bone. "Damn you Noire! Damn you to hell!" She yells out as she is being trashed only to be saved by an explosion that took out the Arfoire dragon spitting Vert out in agony. As the white and yellow bird like jet disappears the figure of a tall voluptuous woman with a sword is shown. With a flick of the wrist it turns into a whip which the woman uses to wrap the dragons neck leaving the dragon choking in pain while dropping Vert into the ground returning her to her normal form.

"My, my, my. Someone's been naughty." The woman's voice ringed out as a sadistic smile is shown barely seen throughout her long plum colored hair. "Plutia!" Noire screams in fear. "I must say, it was amusing watching you squirm like you did. But don't worry, after this I'm going to give you LOTS of attention for what you did to poor Vert." Noire terrified at the visage of Iris heart, Plutia's HDD form falls flat on her ass on a panic yelling "That won't be needed! Seriously, I was merely going to find backup." "Is that so?" Arfoire dragon began to struggle and yell out "Let me go you bitch!" "Excuse us a minute Noire." Plutia cheerfully quipped as she strangled the dragon to death with a look of utter glee.

At that time Neptune was getting her hide saved by Yellow Heart, the tall and very big breasted HDD form of Peashy complete with wolverine bracer claws. Although lacking her flight pack due to it being wrecked by crashing it into the dying dragon from before. "Neptuna! All you all right?" "P-ko?! Why are you here? What about Rei?!" Neptune yells in shock and amazement as 32-X is smashed underfoot of Peashy. "Mommy says she will be fine and that I should come and help. But where is the bad guy?" She asks confused, only to rush straight to Neptune completely unaware of the situation whom points out at 32-X who for the first time is visibly injured. She then quickly flash steps behind the two goddesses, quietly saying Victory slash before smashing the two with a blast of purple energy having them get tossed across the street into a parked car. Thru quick thinking she realizes it and somehow shoves Peashy to safety as she smashes into the car causing an explosion which rocks the area causing Noire, Plutia and newly conscious Vert to notice. With the trio dropping everything to investigate leading to a relieved dragon trying to sneak off only to be struck down from above by Xelloss to her shock "You... How dare... you..." Let's just say.

I'm, cutting my losses. This situation is perfect, I knew that the fusion of the worlds was speeding up but it looks like its almost done thanks to this little development by little Miss Nepgear . Who would have thought that she would be so dark deep down. Xenahort and Berkanstel are almost ready to put their plans into motion, the barrier holding the Einst remnants is going to shatter, and that man is safely in my grasp. Those three clowns are still unaware of their path, being little more than PANTHEON's puppets while being the keys to opening the gate to where the Eraser is locked away. And now I'm giving too many plot points for the next season. Yours and the Ultra dimension will soon finish collapsing and this will become the only Gamindustry so your plots were all in vain in the end. Farewell Miss Arfoire be erased alongside your world."

And with a snap of the finger a massive energy blast rains from the sky disintegrating Arfoire to the amazement of everyone as they are dragging out an unconscious Neptune. Vert angrily yells out "Who are you? And what did you do? Explain yourself or face us!" Xelloss teleports in an instant to 32-X's side. "Shouldn't you be worried about her? And of your friends in Lowee? After all they seem, unwell. But don't worry the little one, Miss Nepgear wasn't it? Is fine and in my care." Everyone is in shock at the bombshells being dropped by Xelloss who nonchalantly and with a smile boasts. "That girl was so desperate to look good that she would do anything even destroy the fabric of reality. And she did nothing to help her friends as I killed them either. How sad, she would be a wonderful Mazoku with that kind of coldness." As Xelloss goes into the air to begin the destruction of the goddesses Neptune's body now being carried by Peashy begins to twitch as the earth begins to rumble and Neptune floats off Peashy's back causing a huge blast of energy that knocked over 32-X and with Xelloss being forced to land and amazed of the sudden surge of energy that begins to distort the area and then Neptune floats forward scowling "What did you do to my sister? ANSWER ME!" Neptune yells out in fury as her body is distorting and transforming into Purple heart but with her outfit and armor beginning to crack and crumble. "My, my, my, it seems that you are resonating with the bugs in the area. Miss 32-X, please get her."

32-X nods and rushes to the group darting straight into Neptune with sword drawn in an overhead arc ready to strike Neptune's skull only for Neptune to gut 32-X with her katana causing her to stop and the resulting explosion tears 32-X into scrap revealing a new HDD armor. With a suit that now covers the whole body with black outer areas and purple in the stomach and upper legs with glowing light blue accents in a v pattern her hair clips becoming larger and more angular finally revealing a floating circle sprouting 7 long angular wing parts behind Neptune's back spreading into angelic wings. Her clips obtain oval like angular parts hovering atop them her legs obtain thick armor with wing like protrusions at their ends and her gauntlets gain oval parts all with black and purple parts and glowing light blue highlights all around with glowing circles in the center on her gauntlets. She re summons her sword now longer and much more katana light with glowing blue lining rushes forward and wrecks whatever remains of 32-X into junk while rushing to a grinning Xelloss who puts up a barrier only to have it shatter with ease and Neptune cutting him sideways in half with a single stroke. Xelloss in shock turns back into his true form a large black cone still split in half. Hoarsely yelling "Neptune. You. BITCH!" Only to be promptly torn to shreds in a merciless barrage of sword swipes leaving him a dead pile of astral salsa on the floor and de-transforms back into Neptune, only with an older appearance and longer hair as well as with her white Jersey hair clips and shoes turned black in said areas while retaining the purple and crashing unconscious into the pavement.

Later that night back in Planeptune's general hospital Neptune is bedridden with Peashy holding a vigil next to her alongside Plutia and Rei who is sitting down in a chair still sore from her injuries. Nearby Noire and Vert are talking to a banged up and bedridden Blanc who explains her situation. "It's true, Nepgear was captured the cannon was wrecked, Uni is comatose, and Copypaste is gone as well. The Basilicom is a wreck and I'm like this." Vert worriedly asks. "Rom and Ram are they?" Blanc cringes at the comments in sorrow and rage while muttering that they died in the attack prompting an immediate drop in the topic.

"And now the storms are getting worse." Noire comments as she is looking out the window. "We barely escaped this one everyone. If Neptune didn't get this power up we would be all dead over here.

That Xelloss was on a completely different level than us when it came to strength." Vert added "Histoire is looking for information but it would take three days and all of the nations are in chaos. It seems Mr. Badd, Pirachu and our Arfoire are still here but she is also comatose from what the doctors say is a resonance surge." Suddenly communications are cut off and replaced by an annoyingly familiar and effeminate voice. "Then I believe I can answer some of your questions." "Anonydeath! How did you?" Noire yells out in a rage at his voice since it seems the video still shows Blanc in the hospital. "I have sources everywhere my dear Noire. And how are Rei and Peashy doing anyways I wonder?" "Start talking you jerk!" Noire yells out flustered as she grabs the video screen and shakes it wildly. In response Anonydeath sends a diagram of Neptune's new transformation "This is the NEXT form according to my data. In a sense its an evolution similar to the CPU candidates changes in armor back during the ASIC incident. It seems that the convergence of the worlds have nearly been finished and little Neptune's change is proof of it. She seems to have merged with several alternate selves causing her changes." Blanc finally regains her voice connection and asks "Can we do the same thing?" "Yes actually, I'm sure that the changes will affect you sooner or later."

Anonydeath then sends a video file showing the battle between Blanc and Uni and how Uni was wounded trying to shield two small twin girls also known as Ram and Rom, the Lowee CPU candidate twins and Blanc's little sisters to a shocked Vert and an especially horrified Noire. "So this is what happened commented Vert to a saddened Blanc as the video kept playing Blanc was eliminated and Ram and Rom transformed into their HDD forms. Which are similar to Blanc's only in light blue and pink with staffs trying to hit Xelloss with ice magic only for him to shrug it off and use a Dragon Slave a large blast of demonic energy at them without requiring a chant overpowering them and finishing them off by using wind magic to toss them into the Nu-52 gun causing it to explode. All the while Nepgear just stands to the side in a state of seeming mind control only to be teleported alongside Xelloss as the Basilicom's basement exploded. "How will we break this to Neptune?" Vert sadly commented as Noire left in visible depression. "I suggest being honest about it Vert-chan. Anyway I believe that Xelloss wants to use Nepgear to destroy this reality somehow, after all that is the Mazoku's goal after all as beings of pure destruction. Anyways this is big after all if Xelloss is in this it means that the Greater beast Zellas Metallium one of Sharabingdu's top subordinates have a stake in this. Also Xenahort, Berkanstel, and the Einst. Also PANTHEON is mobilizing and already sent people to the realm of darkness. This is a huge mess we got on our hands." Blanc angrily and bluntly states "Well its a mess we're getting involved in. This is personal for me, and I'm sure Neptune and Noire are going to want a piece of the action for themselves." "Anyways I gotta go so if I find anything new I'll let you know. And give my regards to little Peashy too." And with that Anonydeath ends his call and we turn to one of his hideouts where he muses while hidden in shadow. "It seems things are going to get interesting soon enough. Isn't that right mister Terumi? No, I believe Hazama is your name now?" Anonydeath chuckles as he looks at a screen where a smiling figure with eyes perpetually closed and hiding his hair in the darkness responds with an even larger and more intimidating grin.

**To be continued...**

And now its time, for Radiant corner! With your hosts Kira Yamato, Athrun Zala, and Shinn Asuka!

In the familiar red stage, with the familiar big view screen the three "main characters" appear once more. With Athrun sobbing without composure while Kira pokes him with a small stick. Shinn starts out with "Welcome everyone to the Radiant corner. Today's meeting is all about... All together now! This series many many retcons!" Only to find himself saying it alone. "Why the hell am I doing this alone again?!"

Shinn angrily berates to Kira and Athrun when he sees Athrun crying manly tears with Kira just staying there in awe. "And why is Athrun going all Kenshiro on us?!" "Well you see Shinn, Athrun is just happy that the whole hair gag is coming to an end as the Author said before in the plot. Also the fact that the side stories are finished and we can be the main characters again." answers Kira to Shinn while giving Athrun a handkerchief. Shinn angrily Bright slaps Athrun in the face yelling to him. "Snap out of it man! This is no time to slack off, besides this whole retcon thing is your area of expertise anyways." Athrun annoyed picks himself back up and after a small cough says.

"Retcons huh? Well we should start with our origins. As commented on last time this series was originally much different in tone and direction going for a more comedic tone until the Afghanistan arc back in

season 1. Back then there was an attempt to create a second series by the author which was more dramatic than ZAFT of the radiance called Road trip. It was based on an original protagonist winding up with three other characters, Mario from the Mario series, Sonic the hedgehog, and Megaman Zero heading throughout different worlds to defeat a legion of doom like group of villains." Shinn asks Athrun "So it was like Kingdom Hearts?" "Indeed, but as the plans fell apart the overall plot was absorbed into this series and became the basis of ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip." "So that's where the name came from."

"Indeed Shinn." Kira then adds "There were also other stories that fell through the cracks as well such as We are Celestial Being which was meant to run alongside Road trip.

Coincidentally the second exposition episode Diary of Setsuna was actually meant to be the first episodes of the above mentioned series." Shinn although impressed worriedly asks "But what does this have to do with anything Kira?" "Beats me, I just added random crap so I could get more lines."

After both Athrun and Shinn simultaneously punch Kira in the gut knocking him into the set Athrun continues with his explanation. "Basically the retcons are attempts to coherently unify all those differing plot points and narrative shifts. Not to mention that several parts had to be hastily rewritten to fit changing events. Two of the most noticeable ones involve the last episode of the Afghanistan arc, mainly episode 12 of season 1 in which the plot had to be changed to deal with recent news events and Madoka's subplot which was heavily altered due to changes caused by the Rebellion movie." "Hey Athrun are you sure its okay to give away this information anyways?" "Does it matter Shinn? Its not like anyone is even reading this so who cares!" Shinn after a moment of silence nods in agreement, shrugs his shoulders, and moves on.

And with the closing of the curtains Kira finishes with "And so until we can find a way to promote this crap the author calls a story line this is Radiant ZAFT signing off!"

**Next episode**

Kira, Athrun, Shinn and the others reach Japan where they meet Kira's parents and stumble into the crew of the Ptolemaios as well as finally confront Cagali after the end of season 1. The team also faces off against Lacus Clyne and her forces causing Kira to realize the full extent of his actions and forcing him to mature.

**Chapter 20: Family** Don't be afraid of your evil ex Kira!


	46. Road trip 20: Family

**ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip**

**CLAMPcataz II: The convicting.**

We return to Nunnally Lamperouge who is in shock and awe over her restored mobility, by jumping around wildly. "Yes! Yes! Yes!" At that time from the cell right to the one that Nunnally was another voice, this time the one of Alice was heard "Congratulations Nunnally!" To which Nunnally blushes while twiddling her thumbs in embarrassment. "Thanks Alice." Lelouch then takes rein of the conversation. "Well now that we

know where everyone is. We need to deal on our current situation. So any ideas?" "Can't Lord Kururugi just smash thru the doors?" Alice remarks, Lelouch quickly shoots it down since it was the first thing Suzaku tried. Still Suzaku tries anew taking a cleansing breath and swinging a straight right punch. A loud echoing bang is heard and then nothing. "Goddammit Suzaku just use your Spinzaku already! Lelouch Vi Brittannia commands you!" "Oh yeah, thanks Lelouch!" Suzaku comments after the realization that he had yet to use his mightiest attack, the Spinzaku kick. And a few moments later the prison door explodes outside destroying the opposing wall as team Lelouch escapes their cell. Suzaku kicks Alice's door open and they get her out as well leaving the area while the alarms are blazing.

"Hey guys what about me? Hello? Its me Kallen Kozuki. Lelouch, Suzaku, Nunnally. Come on, we're all friends aren't we? Why do I get into this situations when I'm supposed to be the resident badass? (sigh)

At least I'm not in a playboy bunny costume this time so that's a positive."

**Chapter 20: Family **

We now return to our main story in beautiful Nihinoshima, Japan where in a small quaint suburban house belonging to Kira and Cagali's adopted parents/uncle and aunt, Haruna and Caridad Yamato having dinner alongside their son Kira Yamato and the rest of Radiant ZAFT. Athrun Zala, Shinn Asuka, Tails doll, Stellar Loussier and Lalah Sune alongside Celestial Being's Gundam meisters. Setsuna F. Seiei, Lockon Stratos, Allelujah Haptism, Tieria Erde and Marie Parfacy. With the meisters visibly shaken at the fact that Kira Yamato actually has a stable and loving family with Allelujah putting it best. "What. The. Hell.

And you knew all along Athrun?" Athrun understandingly offended bites back with "What did you **EXPECT**? We **ARE** childhood best friends after all. Nanoha and her friends are also aware of it." Shinn comments "Oh yeah, you two did say that you lived together for a bit as neighbors and that Uminari city is pretty close by so you guys ended up getting caught in one of their adventures." "Why are we even here anyways? How does a living room in the middle of Japanhold all of us? Where did the plot go so horribly wrong?!" Allelujah mopes while an annoyed Marie elbows him to make him shut up. Well at least we don't have a Super Saiyan Hitler.

And in Pink castle, the re purposed and very pink Wily castle we find Ribbons Almark explaining about his latest project to Lacus in her throne room. A large immaculate hall with giant doors and expensive carpeting. "And that is the current status of my work." Lacus looking at Ribbons like he is insane responds. "What made you think that a Super Saiyan Hitler would be a good replacement for Asuka? And where DID you even get Hitler AND Super Saiyan DNA?" "Well I got the Hitler stuff when I "borrowed" Hitler's skull from the Joseph Stalin museum." "That actually happened Ribbons?" "Did you really think Hitler survived Berlin? That's just speculative fantasy just like the whole Dick Cheney was Bin Laden thing and BOZO." Lacus simply took her Haro shaped mug sipped some coffee and asked with a mixture of annoyance and incoming dread. "And the Saiyan stuff? Please don't tell me you got it from poop Ribbons." "Of course not Miss Lacus." "Oh, thank god." "It was fossilized poop." "Goddammit!"

"I hate to interrupt your enlightening conversation with Miss Lacus, but I came to report that we located the people that stole your van." Kaworu Nagisa mentioned and the mysterious white haired boy shows up from a nearby pillar. "And you'll never believe who had it." Lacus only managed a flat what when Kaworu showed his data to Lacus with his casual calm and sarcastic manner, of all the minions Kaworu was the one closest to her and arguably the only one who could get away with his snide commentary. Lacus looks at the data seeing Lalah Sune and Stellar Loussier's faces quickly recognizing Stellar as Shinn's surrogate younger sister. "Kaworu, ready the limo we're moving out!" "Of course Miss Lacus, if you'll excuse me."

And with that Kaworu goes off and is intercepted outside by Mari Illustrious Makinami in her smaller cat girl form."So you're going to pick on little girls huh? How mean Kaworu." "Oh be quiet Mari you know all too well that we need to follow orders for now." "Don't forget our deal Kaworu. Help us catch Lacus and we will spare Shinji from execution. Shinji's soul has been altered since leaving the void, that WTFspace I heard so much about, and considering his actions." Kaworu interrupts Mari briefly losing his composure by blocking her mouth with his right hand muffling her protests until the scene cuts.

Back at the Yamato household Cagali Yuna Aatha appears. Visibly disheveled and groggy with bags in her eyes she wobbles downstairs in pajamas and a sleeping cap. "Morning mom, dad, whole lot of guests." And wobbles to the table. Allelujah and Marie grab Cagali and put her in Allelujah's seat in worry. Recovering her bearings slightly Cagali angrily glares at Kira who is blissfully unaware merely responding with his typical happy and idiotic manner. "Hi Cagali! Its been a while!" "Kira... How dare you speak so casually to me after what you did?" Kira looks at Cagali for several seconds responding with a look of confusion which angers Cagali quite a bit. Athrun confused asks "What happened to you Cagali? We haven't heard from you since last season." Setsuna explains "We found Cagali a few days back in a gutter passed out." Lockon continues with "It looks like Cagali has been living here after the monkey paw incident and we've been hanging out here until you guys came she was drinking all day and night long. Even Sumeragi

couldn't keep up." "Well that's all good, but aren't you wanted terrorists?" Athrun asks to the Meisters. Shinn defends them with "Well they haven't done anything wrong. It was Corner who caused all that grief." Tails doll rebukes with "The Corner thing has to be fake why would someone who died six years ago be controlling the A-Laws?" Tieria then interrupts by saying "There is a reason. Actually Athrun."

The other meisters look at Tieria in concern with Allelujah saying "Is it a good idea to tell them?" "Like it or not those kids are a part of our world now."

"The reason we are here, is Lacus Clyne." As a collective gasp covers the room with Kira oblivious and Cagali stunned into both sobriety and utter silent shock while Tieria provides further exposition to a backdrop of dramatic music with chanting. "After the monkey paw incident Lacus Clyne went underground, using her wealth and influence to establish a criminal empire. She was behind the assault of New York during the conference, and even though it failed she still managed to make a big impact. According to reports from WILLE she managed to convince a group of mecha pilots to join her and used them to kill Paptimus Scirrocco and her minions. It seems she also had Full Frontal killed in the confusion as well, a Char clone that avoided the Vegas nuking incident." Caridad commented "I heard of that millions died back there." Haruna upset adds "What kind of fiends would do something like that?!" Kira, Shinn and Tails doll stare at a sweating Athrun who in an utterly emotionless tone comments "Yes, it was horrible."

"Anyways" Tieria went on "It seems that Lacus is somewhere in the area, unfortunately Veda cannot pinpoint the exact location due to interference, quantum brainwave interference to be precise."

Lalah worriedly remarks "Do you mean that Lacus has an Innovade with her?" Which confuses the main characters while the Meisters look on in concern "That's right Lalah Sune, and I dread being right about this."

On an utterly unrelated plot point we find Revive Revival and Healing Care two of Ribbons evil Innovade lackeys in a pier from Kushiro in the Hokkaido area of Japan very wet with Revive having seaweed stuck on his head and shoulders and Healing holding a small sized tuna fish with both hands and flapping around. Both are visibly relieved and overjoyed at the fact that the duo finally escaped the lockers they have been

trapped in since episode 5 "We're finally free Revive!" Healing happily muses while dancing with the tuna "No more Anew, no more lockers, no more submarines. And you said escaping from the torpedo hatches wouldn't work." "I admit I was wrong, so now what? Should we find Ribbons or something?" Revive comments after pulling off his seaweed and tossing it on the ground. "And throw that fish back already sheesh!" "So what now Rev?" Healing asks to a confused Revive if there is a problem, while Revive only looks on as Healing looks at him expecting an answer. Musing for a while he concludes with "Nothing, we finally have a chance to escape Celestial Being so lets not waste it." Healing nods in agreement and looks around the pier noticing a now hiring sign in the near distance. "I think I know what we can do from now on."

Back at the plot we find Cagali trying to strangle Kira over the revelations in the background while everyone looks on except Caridad and Haruna who are desperately trying to defuse the situation.

"Shouldn't you guys do something Tieria mentions when Allelujah comments "I wouldn't worry, I'm sure that the villains will show up to break this whole thing up any minute now." Marie elbows Allelujah with a "Allelujah! Was that really necessary?" "But its true Marie." Suddenly an explosion rocks the outside setting off nearby alarms. "Nobody cares Allelujah."

As the heroes minus Kira and Cagali whom the latter is still strangling the latter exit the house they see a wrecked yard, fence and a blown up van and above a giant pink Haro floating in the air retracting

a big cannon into it. "Dammit Kaworu aim straight!" "Sorry Miss Lacus!" "Really Kaworu you could have blown up the camper." "I don't need this from you Fucking Ribbons." As the group sees and hears the villains bickering causing the Haro to wobble Lalah asks "So which one is Ribbons?" "The one with the smug effeminate voice" Jokes Lockon while Lalah comments "That didn't answer my question."

Then the top hatch opened revealing Ribbons yelling "I am LORD Ribbons thank you kindly. And who are you people?" The Gundam Meisters angrily bolt forward pushing the ZAFT team out of the way

yelling out in unison. "Don't give me that crap Ribbons Almark!" Setsuna then goes on with "The villain who betrayed Celestial Being and tried to take over the world!" Lockon continues with "The bastard who brainwashed Anew and left her to die!" Allelujah followed with "The scumbag who created the A-LAWS and their atrocities!" Tieria with "The fiend who hijacked Veda." And finally Marie who is currently in

Soma Pieres mode "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FREAKING VAN?! You damn pastel pissant, get your ass down here and give me your insurance information and I'll only beat your ass like a drum."

Lacus then pops out commenting "We're evil, we don't have insurance! Now wheres my camper van?!" As all heroic characters look on in confusion Lacus angrily specifies "The Lublin! Those two girls stole a Olive green 1999 Lublin 3 van. 12V GNT engine, energy reflective and reinforced durasteel armor plating, enhanced suspension, runs, electronic countermeasures, a small pair of front firing 15mm Vulcan guns

with a 500 bullet ammo capacity, and XL satellite radio compatibility ring any bells?!" Stellar quickly answered "I know, I know! Lalah nee-chan and me left the van in New York back then." Lacus reacts in

bubbling rage at the discovery while Stellar questioned the entire point of a crime boss buying an old Polish van. "Why would you even buy a van Lacus-san? Aren't you able to afford a limo or an airship?

Even that ball thing is more fancy than an old van." "She has a point." Kaworu muttered as he pushed a button that reveals a pair of missile launchers from each side. "Well time for pro-activeness am I right

Miss Lacus?" Lacus looks at Kaworu and approves leading him to aim and fire missiles at the Yamato house blowing up a good part of it and revealing Kira and Cagali the latter of whom looks at the pod,

sees Lacus, and drops Kira.

Cagali looks at Lacus tears in her eyes yelling out. "Lacus! What are you doing?! This isn't like you!" Lacus simply looks at Cagali and with a combination of disdain and apathy. "Well if isn't Cagali.

I see you're doing well, smelling like a brewery and crying like a bitch." Shocked at those words Cagali falls apart dropping on her knees while Lacus continued. "You know, its silly to think that I used to be happy simply being with everyone. Yes, I was a fool, I left Kira and ended up with you, ruining Athrun as well. At first I was disgusted with myself. But after being controlled by the monkey paw I realized.

My life was boring, I had everything, friends, family, a promising career as a singer, a caring boyfriend, but it wasn't enough. Yes. This is what I longed for! Control! Corruption! Destruction! This is what I wanted!" Suddenly Lacus was kicked out of the Haro capsule by a pissed off Kira complete with sudden heroic fanfare. "I don't remember who you are, but I can tell this much. You made Cagali cry. And that,

makes you my ENEMY!" Cagali looked awestruck as suddenly the rest of Radiant ZAFT goes into the attack with Shinn's puppet suits and Tails doll thunder spells pinning down the Haro capsule. Shinn yells out to Tails doll as his Gadelaza puppet fires its main cannon blowing up the main gun and its GN fangs wrecking the launchers and propulsion systems. "No mercy TD!" "Feel the sunshine assholes!" Tails doll yells out as his shadow turns into a giant demon fox whose front legs grab the Haro capsule and tear it in half dropping Ribbons and Kaworu into the floor where they are rushed and subdued by Athrun, Stellar, and Lalah

with the Meisters securing the now captured duo.

At that time Kira and Lacus were having a genuine fist fight when Lacus jumps back and smugly comments. "You wouldn't hit a lady would you?" Only to get socked in the face by Kira. Lacus angrily comments "You hit me! My own father never hit me!" Only for Kira to respond with another fist yelling "Well he damn well should have!" Lacus hits back by kicking Kira's stomach reeling him back and pulling out and firing a gun which he counters by pulling out one of his katanas and in one swift motion disarming and trashing Lacus' 9mm handgun. Lacus dodges then lunges forward and tackles Kira which the latter manages to endure even when pushed back a fair amount. And holding his sword with both hands in a crouching stance launches forward when Lacus parries with twin pink beam sabers destroying his katana. Revealing a pair of

short swords the two go into a fierce sword-fight in which both are shockingly even. Especially considering Lacus aggressive style quickly damaging Kira's swords. It is a fierce battle in which no quarter was given when Kira slides downwards sweep kicking Lacus of her feet and flat into the pavement while Kira held his right sword down Lacus face. "Its over Lacus Clyne, you lose." "Not, just, yet. Lacus comments

with a smile while pressing a button hidden in her left pocket activating a portable teleport device letting her escape.

In the aftermath the police come to carry off Kaworu and Ribbons in handcuffs while interviewing Athrun and Lalah, who are arguably the only persons capable of not fucking up socially among the group as well as Kira's parents. Setsuna and Lockon left with the police van carrying Kaworu and Ribbons as extra escorts. Allelujah and Marie are dealing with the wrecked van. Her Soma Pieres persona being especially furious that her van was wrecked something which Athrun was understandingly sympathetic towards. Kira and Cagali seem to be getting along again and Shinn and Stellar alongside Tieria assess the situation.

"So Kira has some sort of memory block?" Shinn muses "And Ribbons was not connected to this Veda thing. Are you sure this isn't a clone or something?" "Positive." Tieria comments "His memories of his time before being Lacus' minion seem to be missing." Stellar adds "About Kira, I heard on TV about trauma causing amnesia Tieria-san. By the way, what do we do about those two?" Stellar then points at Kira who is trying to pry off Cagali who is grabbing his arm and not letting go while cheerfully smiling at him. "Cagali let go already!" "No way Kira, your big sister is going to look out for you from now on."

"I appreciate it but..." "Nonsense Kira! Now let's go I'm sure you're tired after all this." As Cagali drags Kira off Shinn and Stellar look on in embarrassment.

**To be continued**

**Its time for, Radiant corner!**

As the Radiant corner's curtain rises we meet three new characters. Two guys and a girl standing side to side who begin to speak "Hello everyone! And welcome to ZAFT's newest segment! I'm Sting Oakley,

ace attorney and next door neighbor to the main cast." Sting is a tall slim male with an olive green buzzcut and a slight tan which kinda looks green as well. Next to him the other guy who is slightly shorter and with wavy ocean blue hair "Auel Neider here, also next door neighbor to the guys. Unlike Sting I have no job and no life, and basically mooch off Sting," Auel continues going from a cheerful tone to a depressed and weeping one. "And I'm still a virgin, never even gotten a girlfriend. And, and..." Auel then begins crying and sniffling using his sleeve to blow his nose when the younger girl grabs his right hand with both of hers while looking Auel in the eyes. "Its all right Auel-san. You are still a special person. If you don't give up life will surely come around." She seems similar to Shinn in appearance and has long straight hair and brown eyes compared to him. As well as a face that isn't perpetually pissed off. Auel tearfully smiles and says "Mayu! You're so kind all the time." Sting introduces Mayu as "And this is Mayu Asuka."

Mayu cheerfully pulls out a V sign and. "Hello everyone! Mayu Asuka here. I'm Shinn onii-chan's adorable imouto!" Sting merely remarked "So that's where Stellar got that habit from." In a low voice while

moving on with the main topic.

"Anyways you two were here to talk about Kira and Cagali's family situation" Sting continues while Auel sighs longingly "How nice to have parents like that." "Don't you have parents Auel-san?" After some awkward silence Mayu tries to stumble onto an apology only to be stopped by Sting. "You see, me, Auel and Stellar went to a pray the gay away ran by Jehova's witnesses alongside Shinn. The four of us escaped and went our separate ways. Shinn went back to Atlantic city and later to MIT where we met Kira and Athrun as well as Lacus and Cagali." Mayu suddenly drooped and pouted remembering the situation that led to the siblings separation. Auel angrily called out Sting in an attempt to comfort Mayu. "There, there Mayu." "Don't worry Auel-san, I know I shouldn't be moping around. After all Shinn is back, and I have lots of new friends, so I'm happy." Mayu responds followed by the most moe smile you could imagine leaving Auel with a high pressure nose bleed that lands him on the floor.

"Anyways Mayu about the Yamato family. The truth is that Kira and Cagali are adopted." Sting explains while Mayu looks on in shock and anticipation. "You see their real parents where Ulen and Via Hibiki a pair of mad scientists heading something called the Ultimate Coordinator project." "You mean like Mayu?" Mayu asks and Sting answers with "Indeed, the Ultimate Coordinator was meant to create a well,

Ultimate Coordinator. A genetically superior human that wouldn't be affected by deviations caused during development." "That doesn't sound ethical at all." "That's nothing Mayu. Kira was the only one of two survivors the other one being Canard Pars." "That sounds nightmarish. But how is Kira a Coordinator and Cagali a Natural Sting-kun?" "Well Ulen took out Kira from his wife's womb and put it in a machine." Mayu laid there in stunned silence and muttered "That doesn't sound possible. At ALL." "And after the twins were born Ulen and Via were killed in a fire and their children spirited to our world

and taken in by the Yamato's." "By the way Sting. That all makes sense but if both children were raised together why do they have different last names?" "Its a continuity thing technically Cagali's name is Cagali Yamato but the Yula Aatha surname was left due to the main series canon. Cagali did spend time in Hong Kong with the Aatha's just like Kira spent time with Athrun's grandmother in the US." Mayu nods in understanding as she tries to prop up Auel into a chair.

As he lays in a slump while Mayu cleans his nose. Sting looks on impressed commenting "Hey Mayu, do you like Auel or something?" Mayu simply looks at Sting and comments "Well I like everyone,

why do you ask?" As the curtain closes and the camera backs up Sting finishes with. "Well we're out of time it seems so, for the future of ZAFT of the Radiance, Lets do our best and fight!"

**Next episode**

Once again continuing their journey, Radiant ZAFT stumbles into the town of Hinamizawa and its people. Dragged into a new conflict suddenly a small girl with great power appears before our heroes revealing the truth behind their journey. As a giant quantum wave speeds thorough time and space, the youths peaceful days are at an end as the war begins. Next time on ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip.

**Chapter 21: When they reveal**. Even if you don't want to read, read.


	47. Road trip 21: When they reveal

**ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip**

**CLAMPcataz II: The escaping.**

As alarms blare through the prison system. A panicking robot guard called a Sniper Joe rushed to the control room to report to a familiar enemy. Even thought Sniper Joe's have no faces, only a large visor and eye.

His body language is skittish as he reports. "Lord Metal, a group of prisoners have escaped!" "BEEP." "Well, yes the doors were locked." "BEEP." "It seems that they have some kind of stringy death thing with them and its kicking all of our asses." "BEEP." "Shouldn't you get that fixed Lord Metal?" "BEEP." "I know its just that..." "BEEP." I'm sorry sir! I'll increase security right away!" At that time Lord Metal got off his chair revealing red robotic feet with a horizontal stripe and panning to reveal Metal Sonic, who leaves with another mechanical and emotionless "BEEP." Causing the Sniper Joe to salute and follow after.

**Chapter 21: When they reveal**.

We now meet our heroes driving the ZAFT roader out of Nishinomiya at three in the morning. Which has gotten rather cramped with the addition of Stellar Loussier and Lalah Sune. Athrun Zala is on the wheel with

Tails doll as copilot trying to make sense of the road map of the area all while a news bulletin plays in the radio. "And it seems that the quantum wave will be passing throughout the world of Gundam 00.

The wave according to meteorologists originated in Gamindustri and has affected multiple worlds already. All robotic citizens are warned to take proper precautions and quantum shelters are being opened around the north and south pole and nearby areas." "Thanks for getting me out of town in such short notice Athrun." Kira cheerfully comments as the hugs Athrun from behind the seat much to his annoyance.

Shinn and Stellar are sound asleep next to each other while Lalah looks on and begins to talk to Kira. "So you really don't remember anything about Lacus?" "I already told you and the Meisters.

I don't remember Lacus. And i don't remember anything about the assault on our home either." "No worries." Athrun chimes as he tries to make Kira let go. "Besides, Cagali was acting even freakier than before.

I just hope your folks aren't mad we left without thawing Cagali."

And now a flashback of earlier that night inside Kira's room with him waking up from his sleep only to find Cagali mounted on him trying to kiss him. After some moments of awkwardness Kira screams as Cagali stumbles to grab a cloth draped with ether while looking like a psycho. "There's nothing to be scared of little brother. I'm just making sure that you stay with me. Now lets make a..." Suddenly Athrun, Lalah, and Tails doll bust in with Tails doll firing a blizzaga spell on Cagali, freezing her up. Athrun simply looked an angrily fumed. "Lalah, can you grab Shinn and Stellar? We are leaving **NOW**."

And back to present time Athrun ends the topic with. "We are gonna get site-banned for that joke I'm sure of it. Anyways there is an inn nearby so we can crash there for now. TD?" Tails doll tosses the map away angrily bursting out to Athrun. "Why do I have to be the guy with the map anyways?! Kira is the Japanese guy, why won't he do it?!" "Well I thought you had an impeccable sense of direction."

"That's the problem Athrun. Something is screwing around with my radar since we left." Worried Kira asks. "But what could cause it?" "The only thing I can think off is divine energy. Sacred energy and

demonic energy like mine tend to cancel each out when they are at the same level." Everyone is visibly alarmed at the revelation with Lalah commenting "Who in the hell is capable of that? Are you sure you just

aren't having an off day?" At that time the road gets progressively foggier until the group gets lost while a pair of eyes look on. "Is... This... going to work... Axel?" At that time Axel collapses next to Alfimi who looks back to discover a man in a black cloak with white hair and shut eyes resembling a fox strikes down Alfimi leaving her badly injured and bleeding on the ground blurting out "Gin Ichimaru? No, you're..."

Before dying.

As our heroes van finally exits the fog they find themselves in a rural area with several grassy fields all along the road until reaching a town. Picturesque and quaint all to the backdrop of a large forested mountain.

"What the hell is this?" Asks Athrun as the group looks for a place to park as morning breaks. After a while they stop at a two storied restaurant with a large sign saying Angel Mort. The group disembarks the van with Lalah trying to wake up Shinn and Stellar to little luck. Meanwhile Athrun and Kira go ahead where they are greeted by two girls wearing rather revealing navy blue one piece uniforms. "Greetings sirs!"

Athrun sheepishly nods clearly embarrassed while Kira cheerfully replies. "Is it only you two gentlemen the blonde waitress on the left asks to which Kira responds "Nope, we have four more in the van up front." The pink haired woman on the right looks at Athrun and mischievously comments. "My, my, my sir. Are you shy around young beauties like us?" Athrun stutters nervously and yells in a tsundere manner.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I-its just that..." Kira slaps Athrun in the back commenting "You were always shy around pretty girls." To which Athrun responded with a karate chop to Kira's head while yelling.

"Shut up! Let's just find out where we are and leave!" "You're in Okinomiya guys!" Comments the blond to Kira's shock. "We're in Gifu?!" Athrun muses with a confused look. "Gifu?" "Yeah, were in the

central mountains of Japan. But how did we go from the Kansai region to here?" The pink girl then said "Thru the roads silly!" Which led Kira and Athrun to a moment of stunned silence.

A short while later everyone else is inside Angel Mort sitting next to a window with Kira explaining the situation to the rest who are also having breakfast. "Basically we are next to the town of Okinomiya.

A small rural town in the lower mountains. Apparently some years back this town as well as Hinamizawa the next town over were being controlled in secret by renegade members of the SDF called the Yamainu.

But the whole thing was exposed by a group of kids, the Hinamizawa game club. Apparently the group managed to destroy the Yamainu, an utter one sided ass kicking." Shinn now awake asks "How do you know all this Kira?" "An uncle of mine actually works at the police station so I heard the whole thing from him. He was a detective named Kuraudo Oishi but he retired a while back and is now a dance instructor."

Athrun asked "So should we look him up or something?" "That won't be necessary." A voice suddenly spoke up from nowhere that only the group could hear. "Go to the Furude shrine in Hinamizawa.

You'll get your answers there." "How suspicious. Hey Kira what was that all about?" Asked Shinn when Stellar suddenly bursted out with. "Furude? Isn't that the name of that girl we met in New York,

Lalah onee-chan?" "Yeah she was tracking down someone I think." Lalah comments while looking at Tails doll who somehow is wolfing down his share of the food. "This is good you guys! Also,

we all know that already now eat."

About an hour or so after the conversation our heroes reach the village of Hinamizawa. And it was empty. No people, no animals, and everything looks like if basically the entire town was spirited away.

Sure the town had disappearances before, but this is extreme. "What is going on?" asked Shinn as the group drove thru the empty streets. Athrun commented "Beats me. Anyway Kira do you know where

this shrine is anyway?" "A bit further down." Kira commented while Tails doll stewed mumbling. "Why the hell am I in charge of the map anyways? I can't read Japanese and Kira seems to know the damn island like the back of his hand. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit." As Tails doll continues to rage the ZAFT roader finally reaches the Furude temple. It is your typical Japanese shrine in design. Fairly big, on top of a hill, stairs

with a huge tori gate at the top with a large thick rope and bells, a donation box on front, the typical stuff you would find in any anime. As our heroes climb the stairs a teenage girl is seen talking on a phone.

Wearing a traditional miko robe and notable for her lavender hair and a pair of downward curving horns on each side of her head.

"What do you mean Rena is in a jail cell in Kuwait?" The girl asks in shock as another girls voice is heard, that of Rika Furude with the girl in question being their mutual friend Rena Ryuugu. "Well Hanyuu. Apparently she found the prime minister of Kuwait cute and proceeded to kidnap him. She assaulted the security detail, nearly killed two of the guys, then stole a limo and tried to escape the border to Iraq.

They caught her after a three hour chase that ended up on the news and the Japanese embassy is trying to come up with a way to solve this before it gets worse. Anyway I gotta go now." As Rika hangs up Hanyuu depressed whimpered her customary Au au. Hanyuu then notices our heroes who seem to have heard the whole conversation. After realizing Hanyuu's face goes red with embarrassment and runs to hide behind a nearby tree before anyone can say anything. "Au au... Who are you guys?" Athrun steps forward and introduces himself and the others. "I am Athrun Zala and these are my companions. The cheery one is

Kira Yamato, the grouchy one is Shinn Asuka, the stuffed animal is Tails doll, the blond girl is Stellar Loussier and finally the Indian girl is Lalah Sune." As Athrun finishes he gets dope slapped from behind by

an angry Shinn. "The hell was that all about Athrun?!" "But it is true..." The girl gets in between the two telling them to stop fighting with tears in her eyes and then introducing herself. "I am Hanyuu Furude.

And I'm taking care of the shrine until Rika comes back. Its been really lonely since the mean purple dragon with the weird screeching voice showed up. Au au, auauau..." Hanyuu looks downward in fear and worry. "Anyways the reason that I'm alone is that I shouldn't be alive." As the team looks at Hanyuu like she was either insane, suicidal, or both she continues with. "Auuuu. Could you come inside... Auu"

At that time Gin Ichimura also reaches Hinamizawa's outskirts with a smug smile and wave of his arms he summons several Heartless among them 10 Stealth soldiers which are dark gray recolors of the

Soldier Heartless with silver helmets and tattered red boots. These Soldiers are rarer but more powerful than ordinary forces and are joined by around 30 Red Nocturnes, red conical bodied aerial Heartless capable of using fire complete with conical and pointy witch hats showing their skill at magic. Both emblem types they all have a black heart crisscrossed with a red spiky X. A corruption of the mark of the

Keyblade wielders of long ago. "All right boys. Find me some stragglers. And with those words the group spreads out around the village

Inside the small house next to the temple everyone is sitting down in differing areas of the living room with Hanyuu in the center sitting down on the floor Japanese style after taking a breath she begins her tale.

"I'm sure you're wondering why I summoned you here. Its because as heroes you need to know what is going on, and the mission you must undertake." As everyone except Athrun looks on in awe at the revelation. While Athrun simply looks flabbergasted at the revelation. "Originally this world was a world of Gundam SEED and this story was a sort of epilogue to Destiny. You were never meant to befriend either Tails doll or Lalah. But this and may other worlds have been connected by the darkness. All because of the Great magical girl war. A destructive conflict born out of an affair between a goddess and a mortal, that led to the complete destruction of their world. The mortal became a devil and fought the goddess, but the goddess murdered her with her own hands and in her anger this goddess lashed out destroying the universe in grief

and despair. Eventually she found something called a dark fragment. A piece of sorts of the mortal and used the piece to create a replica and sacrificed most of her power to create a world where none of the

events happened. But the other pieces eventually created gates to other worlds eventually fusing them into the dimension sea you know of now."

"So what does that have to do with us?" commented Shinn with Stellar adding "Well maybe we are some kind of chosen heroes or something. Stellar has played lots of video games and that is how it tends to be."

"You are absolutely right little one." Hanyuu answers while Stellar looks at her in utter joy with sparkling eyes and everything. "Anyways, the fact that your memories are changing, are also an effect of the fragments." "So basically the retcons have plot relevance?" Shinn comments and asks "What about the fourth wall breaking?" "Actually that was there already." Hanyuu comments while looking at a window behind her sadly. As for our heroes they silently agree on helping Hanyuu and Athrun asks "So what do we do now?" Hanyuu's face brightens up and mutters Au au, auauau. "Well for starters we need to go deep inside the Onigafuchi forest. There the mean dragon's base is located as well as a retcon wave generator. "Retcon waves?" Athrun asked with Hanyuu continuing with "Retcon waves apparently are formed by harnessing

the dark fragments power. That is also where the people of this town are captured. Rika, Satoko, and Rena were on the next town over and were unaffected. And I became incorporeal for a time due to the

retcon waves." "There is something I'm curious about. How does an entire town disappear without anyone knowing about it?" "That is also the retcon waves power. Most people are unaware of the changes

as far as they know Hinamizawa never existed. Only people with connections to gods like myself are immune from the effect and even then they spend a fair amount of time with conflicting memories."

Lalah then comments "Well that's a plan I suppose. Hanyuu do you know where the hideout is?" Hanyuu just looks down muttering "I'm sorry... Auuuu." "Thought as much... Okay everyone give me some space." As everyone moved backward Lalah closed her eyes and clasped her hands while thinking. "Okay Lalah, concentrate ." "What is Lalah doing?" Hanyuu asks quietly which Stellar answers.

"Apparently Lalah onee-chan is a Newtype a type of psychic that develops in space. She can sense peoples spirits so if she can locate the creepy dragon or something similar she could lead us to the hideout."

After several moments of post explanation silence Lalah gains a Newtype flash and yells out "Found them, the dragon guy is hiding out in the tallest mountain in the outskirts of town."

"We have our location everyone. Radiant ZAFT assemble!" Athrun yells out alongside a backdrop of heroic music with everyone except Hanyuu snickering in the background with Stellar of all people joking "Athrun-san is so immature sometimes. Stellar is an adult!"

As everyone exits the house they are greeted by the Heartless Gin summoned. As our heroes prepare to fight Hanyuu stops them saying. "You need to go to the dragon's hideout." "But Hanyuu..." Kira comments when Lalah speaks up. "Hanyuu is right. Besides the people of this town. Their spirits are weakening, they will die soon if something isn't done to save them." Tails doll then comments "I could just kill them.

One Ultima and they all die." Hanyuu refutes the help saying "I'll be fine, I've gotten strong since then." Kira then goes next to Hanyuu saying "We won't leave you behind! Its just some... Black things with

beady yellow eyes that, are kinda ugly cute... But still we can take them!" As one of the Commander Heartless lunges at Hanyuu she dodges with ease and punches the Commander in the gut with a vicious

right hook so hard that it kills it via scattering the darkness forming their body causing a pink heart to go into the sky. At least normally since even though the darkness was purged no heart came out to the shock of Hanyuu. "How is this possible? Isn't this Xenahort's doing?" "(buzzer noise) Wrong!" At that time the figure of Gin Ichimaru appears overhead the group. "Well, if isn't the horny girl." "It's Hanyuu! Auuu."

Kira confused asks "What do you mean horny girl? Is it because of those hair decs?" "No kid, you see that girl has horns sticking out of her head. She was born with them and stuff even when she is a human."

Gin explains to a confused Kira "How in the hell can a human be born with horns anyway?!" "In retrospect you have a good point there." Gin admits to Kira's unusually intelligent counterpoint.

"Anyways Heartless." Gin is stopped by a series of massive explosions caused by Tails doll who is flying overhead. With the wave of an arm massive blasts of light destroy all 39 remaining Heartless in an instant shocking Gin and Hanyuu into stunned silence, while everyone else is utterly unfazed at the carnage. "Can you feel the sunshine bitch?" Gin angrily tried to summon a weapon only to be immediately blasted into the sky by Tails doll using a powerful blast of Aeroga. Hanyuu is by now white in shock and horror muttering "You just killed 39 Heartless and curbstomped a captain level Shinigami in two blows." Then Lalah snarks

"Well that was anti-climactic." Shinn adds "Yeah didn't even need the abomination cannon or our weapons. Speaking of which shouldn't we get our gear out of the van?" Then Gin plummets down and crash lands

into the ZAFT roader, the force of impact utterly destroying alongside all of the heroes stuff all to the tune of a sad trumpet. Athrun then falls on his knees and yells a prolonged giant no into the sky while Tails doll looks at the wreckage to teleport Gin only to notice his slick silver hair has suddenly turned green and pointy. "Wait, it can't be. He is supposed to be dead. What the hell have you been screwing with old man?"

**To be continued**

**Next episode**

A change of pace from the current plot and a cheerful and upbeat musical number for the holidays. Next time on ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip.

**Special 7: In the year 25XX. **Have a joyous Chrismahanukwanzakah everyone!


	48. Special 7: In the year 25XX

**ZAFT of the radiance**

**A Christmahanukwanzakah message from GlaDOS**

Greetings from the Aperture science computer aided enrichment center. Since the author is indisposed it lands to me to give you all this message. As you know Christmahanukwanzakah is upon us and in this

holy time of the year where Hindu Santa travels throughout the dimensional space with his reindeer pulled TARDIS. Assisted by his army of elf ninja enforcers. And feast on the traditional Christmahanukwanzakah roast dodo while getting drunk on 40 proof tequila. It is a season of merriment and goodwill. And thus all of us in ZAFT of the radiance wish you seasons greetings.

**Joyous Christmahanukwanzakah! **

And Jesus was Jewish deal with it, now back to my experiments.

**Special 7: In the year 25XX**

We stop the plot for a short while to find the author still being tossed around space time. "DAMMIIIIIITTTT!" Only to finally escape and land in a ditch. "Oh god finally! Now to get back and... What the hell?"

The author finds himself in a dystopic city full of broken buildings and garbage as well as many destitute people walking around. "Where the hell am I?"

(Music from the song In the year 2525 starts playing)

_In the year 25XX_

_If man is still alive_

_If author still survive_

_They may find._

_In the year 35XX_

_Dark money in politics took over_

_Now the rich live in space colonies_

_While the poor are preyed by giant zombie bunnies._

"WHAT?!" Then a giant pink zombie rabbit bursts in from a building killing several people and eating a woman while the rest of the people scatter and Author is warped away.

_In the year 45XX_

_Carbons took over a sunken world_

_Though we may never know their end_

_Since Legends 3 was canceled._

"Well this blows." Author then gets warped again.

_In the year 55XX_

_Jesus Christ has been revived_

_Obviously he is mightily pissed_

_So he smites everyone who has sinned._

"Whoa, Wait what the?" Author gets teleported again before Jesus decapitates him with a sword while riding a flying horse on fire.

_In the year 65XX_

_A thousand year peace has arrived_

_But in a world with no want or conflict_

_Everyone is now fat and lazy._

Author looks on as several really fat people are rolling down the street before warping again.

_In the year 75XX_

_Ostrich now lords over the Earth _

_Overtaking the land from the machines_

_And hamster governs behind the scenes._

Author finds a wrecked Statue of Liberty with a robotic face in a desert shrugging it off with a meh before warping again.

_In the year 85XX_

_Things are actually normal here_

_How very anti-climactic._

_We're running out of comedic bits_

_In the year 95XX_

_The masses have ascended to the stars _

_Now dolphin watches over things_

_And of a giant crystal guardian they sing_

"We really should end this." Author is petting a dolphin happily before warping away again.

_Now its been 10,000 years_

_And this random number of scenes_

_But now nothing is seen_

_Oh shit is the sun going supernova?!_

"This is bad." Then the sun explodes destroying everything in a flash of light. Only for the author to land back safely just outside at Aperture sciences enrichment facility 2. "That was weird..."

**To be continued**

**Next chapter**

Radiant ZAFT explores the depths of Onigafuchi discovering the location of Ridley's hideout. But there they stumble into the Puella Magi once again. Combined with the interference of Heartless, as well as

the witch Bernkastel. Complicate things for our heroes. The countdown to the season finale is nearing its end. Next time on ZAFT of the radiance: Road trip

**Chapter 22: Countdown to G** I'm sure you want to read now don't you?


End file.
